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 Author Thread: Do I need to get over my morals?
 jasmina
Joined: 10/20/2005
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Do I need to get over my morals?
Posted: 10/14/2009 4:04:17 AM
You know yourself better than anyone else. Stick to what is comfortable for you. Don''t set yourself up for heartbreak. Listen to yourself and not others. It sounds like the guy was telling you to do something many men wish more women would do....no strings attached sex. Unfortunately, in that scenario, it is mostly women who end up getting hurt.

I also get emotionally attached only to find out later that the guy was never interested in a relationship, only some kind of no strings attached kind of thing. After going through that too many times, I try to keep my heart guarded until I can see that the man is truly interested in getting to know me and in a relationship should things go that way. That's not always possible if I really feel a connection with a man, but I do try so I don't have to go through another heartbreak. There are some good men out there looking for the same thing as I am, so I will just keep looking until I find the right one. I don't meet as many men as I used to simply because I won't meet them unless I start to feel some kind of connection with them first. It means meeting less men, but it also helps to only meet those who might be right for me.

I know what you mean about losing faith because I had the same feeling. It does seem that way sometimes, but have hope...there are good men out there looking for the same things as you.
 jasmina
Joined: 10/20/2005
Msg: 64 (view)
 
Women with multiple cats - sign of mental illness?
Posted: 7/29/2009 3:51:34 AM
OP, your dislike of cats is the only reason you have the opinion that you do. It has nothing to do with the people who have cats. People with cats are animal and cat lovers, nothing more. There is nothing wrong with that. You seem to be the one with the issue. I think there is something wrong with people who hate animals and who are cruel to them.
 jasmina
Joined: 10/20/2005
Msg: 42 (view)
 
Older men for the younger women
Posted: 7/29/2009 3:34:54 AM
I have mostly dated men younger than me and a few around my age. I have no interest in dating men significantly older than I am. I haven't found one that I was attracted to, and they are in a different stage of life than I am with different interests.
 jasmina
Joined: 10/20/2005
Msg: 25 (view)
 
It's almost impossible to find a good woman today
Posted: 7/25/2009 4:37:22 PM
desert wildflower, Excellent post! You are so right. I think the same could be said for the good men too since they seem to be a rare breed these days. :)
 jasmina
Joined: 10/20/2005
Msg: 1291 (view)
 
Why are older women not into younger guys???
Posted: 7/22/2009 5:33:22 PM
Ok I will try not to get to far into this, but I would say ONE of the reasons MAY have to do with competition with beautiful young woman such as myself. No disrespect to the ladies over 40, but they know in their hearts, many of them don't have it anymore to the extant that a young healthy female has it. They are at a different stage in their lives and unfortunately it is this stage that also MAY produce bitterness, because of the fact that they know they are not what they used to be among other similar reasons. Young guys somtimes are confused or just plain scared to face a strong independant beautiful and super sexy lady, especially the not so good looking guys like I mentioned elsewhere. Those kinds of guys I would imagine would run to an older lady out of desperation because they know they can't get none from an attractive young woman like me and other ladies. Most good looking youthful looking guys would not date an older women without having something else up their sleeve. But Any young handsome male who is honest will always tell you, that the young beautiful ladies with youth, beauty and intelligense all rapped up into one person, is the most desirable of them all.


Well, talk about an ego! You sound like the bitter one. You have a lot to learn. I have dated mostly younger men. They were not desperate. They were looking for more than just sex. Many of them told me they found women their age very immature. They wanted a woman they could actually communicate with in a mature, adult way. It's not all about looks, and many older women are still beautiful. Let's see how your thinking on the subject is when you get older.
 jasmina
Joined: 10/20/2005
Msg: 246 (view)
 
Why would you lie about your age?
Posted: 7/14/2009 5:47:16 PM

I am 50. I list myself as 48. Why?

I feel younger (One night a 28 year old girl in a bar told me she thought I was 35. I don't think I look that young but I do look in my early 40s and I am in better shape.

I do believe a white lie to get an intro is ok. People who are appalled by a white lie are just kidding themselves. It is the substanial lies that bother me. Like liying about your weight and how you look, whether you smoke or not etc.


That sounds like the guy I broke up with because he lied to me. He used the same excuse to tell me he was ten years younger and about 6 inches taller than he was. Lying is lying. Lying about age is no better than lying about how you look. Both are the same...lies.
 jasmina
Joined: 10/20/2005
Msg: 235 (view)
 
Why would you lie about your age?
Posted: 7/13/2009 4:43:21 PM
I don't lie about my age...no reason to. If you lie, you will be found out eventually an could lose someone you really care for. One I met on here told me he was 10 years younger, and when the lie came out when he had to get a driver's license transferred, he insisted lying about his age, height, etc. was not a lie. Of course, I disagreed. A lie is a lie. He is still on here under a different profile name...this time giving his age as five years younger and the height is still several inches taller than he is. Some people will never learn.
 jasmina
Joined: 10/20/2005
Msg: 116 (view)
 
LYING ABOUT AGE ON DATING PROFILE!
Posted: 5/15/2009 6:45:38 PM
gentlleman wrote:
<div class="quote">This response is intended to all that have posted a response about the subject: "Lying about age on dating profile"

I get a feeling, when reading most responses, that the interpretation of the subject, is that the man or woman, who lied about their age, continue with the lie into the relationship, rather than confess on the first date. If the interpretation that the lie continues into the relationship applies, then I do not blame the person, who has been lied to, in getting upset. But let's take the other possibility:

The person lies about his/her age in the profile, says nothing during initial communications (email/telephone) but offers a confession at the start of the first date - not the middle or the end - but the start of the first date. The reason provided for lying: "He is 61 but due to great genes and maintaining an active life, healthy living and ongoing physical fitness, he is always taken to be in his mid-forties and can do what most guys in their 40's can do, just as well or better. Add to that, the fact that in stating he is 61, gets him in the search range of women in their 50's and 60's, who think looking after their flower pots in the garden is strenous physical activity. He enjoys running ... can run 10 km in one hour ... just over a year ago, he hiked Torres del Paine ... 125 km in 5 days with a 30 Kg back pack ... three weeks later he climbed Mount Chirripo (3,900 m), and when he goes out dancing (Latin .. Merengue, Salsa, etc..) he can do it all night. The women in their 50's and 60's would probably drop, just thinking about that level of activity." His lie: His profile reads 51 and she is a fit 48 ... just perfect for his lifestyle. Everything else in his profile is 100% true, along with all the other information he volunteered during their communications. During their communications, they got along tremendously.

What are your opinions on his chances of being accepted (forgiven) or rejected .. on that first date, after confessing he is really 61 and not 51?

I would be interested to know ... because that guy is me ... in another dating site and that first date is next Wednesday. In this site I have stated my correct age ... and experienced what I have described.

I will be cancelling my profile from this site, mainly because of the encouragement from this site to provide filters, so that I am unable to contact a 48 years old woman, if I think we may be compatible, because her upper limit may be 55 (and obvioulsy, she would not be contacting me.)

Your responses will be appreciated. Please remember when writing your response ... somewhere in the bible it says something along the lines of ... "Let those without sin ... cast the first stone."

To answer your question, I would not go out with you again since you lied, and I would also wonder what else you were lying about. If a person lies about one thing, another person cannot trust what he or she says...there will always be that doubt in the back of the mind about whatever they say. The date would end as soon as I found out that you had lied, and you would not hear from me again. It makes no difference what age you think you are (I dated a guy who used the same faulty logic and I ended it because of his lying and inflated ego, not because of his age or his height, which he also lied about). I don't care what the person lies to me about. If he lies, the trust is broken. The relationship can never be the same again. It's much like cheating in that way. You should be upfront with your age. If a woman does not want to date someone your age, that is her choice. Why would you waste her time with lies only to have her end it when she finds out?
 jasmina
Joined: 10/20/2005
Msg: 115 (view)
 
LYING ABOUT AGE ON DATING PROFILE!
Posted: 5/15/2009 6:32:12 PM
urgood wrote:
Response to Jasmina,
Yeah, I got what I deserved, learned my lesson, changed my profile and now that woman is gone for ever. But I am not heart-broken over it. Chill out people. I still bet I was the best man for her regardless what most of you hypocrits say. Listen to all of you jump on the band wagon acting like you never told a lie in you life. It is laughable.
She would have had a lot of fun with a guy like me now she will never know. Possibly end up with some guy who acts perfect all the time and is so damn incredibly nice. She 'll get bored real fast with that. At least I fessed up before we even met. If she thinks I am too horrible to talk to because of it then she should step aside and quit wasting my time. I can't be with someone that fickle. After all, I just fibbed by just 5 years, big deal. Most of the females on here are obviously lying about there age among other things. No big problem for me. I do not mind if women lie about their age at all. They are either attractive or they are not. Period.
Funny how the ones that complain the most are the first ones
to stand up and yell " age is just a number"


In addition to lying, you seem to have a bit of an ego problem too. It reminds me of the guy I dated who had the same problems...lying and inflated ego...a very bad combination. I doubt you were the best man for her since since you lacked a quality she valued...honesty. You seem to think you know what she would want and how she would react to someone else, but you don't have a clue because you are not her.

If age is just a number, there would be no reason not to put the correct one on your profile. Why lie about it? You will be found out eventually and could lose someone you care a lot about. It seems that you have no problem lying about your age and accuse others of doing the same thing to make yourself look better. I don't lie about my age...why should I? If someone doesn't like my age, too bad. He is not someone I would want in my life anyway if that is all he cares about.

I could say the same thing about men...they are either attractive or they are not, but that has nothing to do with lying about their age...completely different topic.
 jasmina
Joined: 10/20/2005
Msg: 80 (view)
 
LYING ABOUT AGE ON DATING PROFILE!
Posted: 5/11/2009 3:45:17 AM
urgood wrote:


Yes, I lied at first. I said I was 39 but really I am 44. I had to delete my account in order to go back and change it. People are always telling me that I look like I am in my mid-thirties so I thought I would use that to my advantage. I was wrong. The one person I really liked from here found out the truth when I eventually told her. Now we no longer speak. Too bad because we seemed to be having a great exchange of long, well thought out messages to each other. It is a shame that I am now considered evil to her. Funny thing is, she is 44 also.
Oh well, I would'nt judge a person to harshly if they lied a bit about their age. I figure if they can pass for it go ahead. Obviously if they stated they are 10, 15 or 20 years younger then they really are it gets to be a bit silly do'nt you think?


urgood, you got what you deserved for lying to her. What difference did it make what her age was if she told you her correct age? Sounds to me like you're using that as an excuse. Her age has nothing to do with your lying about yours. She didn't care about your age...she cared about your lying about it. That is why she no longer speaks to you. It had nothing to do with your age. I get told I look much younger too, but I don't lie about my age. Like I told the guy who lied to me about age and a few other things, age is today minus the day you were born...nothing else. It has nothing to do with how you look or think you look. You started the potential relationship with a lie and lost someone who might have been right for you. I hope you learned from that lesson.
 jasmina
Joined: 10/20/2005
Msg: 74 (view)
 
LYING ABOUT AGE ON DATING PROFILE!
Posted: 5/10/2009 5:22:41 PM
aSydneyMale wrote:


Ummm, are you saying you have to actually ask someone not to lie to you for them not to lie? And if you specifically ask the liars not to lie, they won't? That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard, if you read a person's profile you are entitled to expect at least the basics to be accurate!

The OP has a valid complaint, the sense of entitlement these people have when they've been caught-out is amazing to the point of being delusional.

Nobody says you can't put your best foot forward, but people who deliberately misrepresent the basic stuff like age, height, weight, marital status etc, deserve all the crap that comes their way.


You hit on the word I needed in my last post...delusional. The guy I mentioned was definitely delusional about himself. I agree with you that anyone who is not upfront about the basics deserves whatever they get and that we shouldn't have to ask if the basics on the profile are correct. The response I got from the guy who lied to me about his basics was that I never asked if his age was correct. I knew the height and body type was a lie as soon as I saw him and did point it out as gently as possible. It's to their advantage to be honest or they will lose in the end, but they never think about that.
 jasmina
Joined: 10/20/2005
Msg: 71 (view)
 
LYING ABOUT AGE ON DATING PROFILE!
Posted: 5/10/2009 4:17:57 PM
OP, I had one guy do the same thing to me. He had on his profile that he was 10 years younger than he actually was. When a situation came up that he had to give information to someone about his identity and I was there, the age popped up on the screen and I asked him about it. He acted like it wasn't a big deal that he had lied to me and even insisted lying about age was not a lie...I just couldn't believe I was actually hearing that. It was a big deal to me...not the age, but the lie. I told him I didn't care about his age, but I did care a great deal that he lied to me. He just couldn't get what I was saying and thought nothing about lying. I told him that when someone lies about a minor thing like age, the other person will wonder what else they are lying about. He got all bent out of shape and accused me when he was the one at fault. He said that I never asked him about his age, so it was my fault. I asked him why that would be necessary when I read it on his profile...or as least read what I thought was his age on it. He also had a very inflated ego, so maybe that has something to do with it. He told me that he looked younger than he was, so he put the age he thought he looked...another excuse. He had the twisted idea than his chronological age was not his true age, but the age he thought he looked was...the guy also had some issues more than just age denial. He also added several inches to his height, exagerated his fitness level, and told me he was very good looking, which is for others to judge, not him. He was so confident that he was right about the lying about age that he told his teenaged son about my reaction and was joking about it when he told me his son said that my reaction was normal considering what he had done. I broke up with him shortly after that incident. If someone will lie about small things, how can you trust them with more important things. He is on here under a new name/profile and new age...still younger than he really is but this time 5 years younger instead of 10. Some people will never learn...just be yourself and stop lying. Eventually you will be found out and could lose the person you really care about because of dishonesty.
 jasmina
Joined: 10/20/2005
Msg: 37 (view)
 
once trust has been broken
Posted: 5/8/2009 6:36:25 PM
I am sorry about your situation OP. I do think you and he needed to take precautions if you weren't committed. However, to answer you question, once my trust has been betrayed, it is almost impossible to regain it.
 jasmina
Joined: 10/20/2005
Msg: 30 (view)
 
I think it is rude to.
Posted: 5/8/2009 6:19:05 PM
OP, I agree that it is very rude. I have had it happen to me too. They leave you hanging wondering what happened...I prefer some closure when a relationship ends, but some people will never give you that courtesy. I think it says a lot about the character and maturity level of the other person and should tell you that they are not the kind of person you would want to be with anyway. They were obviously dishonest with you in the first place or they would have been up front with you about how they felt. If someone can be rude like that, I would not want them in my life.

Some people seem to think since they met you on the internet that you are not a real person with feelings, so they think it is ok to just give you the silent treatment with no explanation and no closure. I used to get upset, angry, and used when that happened, but now I look at it as a screening process...better to find out sooner rather than later before I become attached or develop deeper feelings for someone. Of course, it can still make me angry at the coward, but I try not to let it get to me. If I stop hearing from someone, I move on.
 jasmina
Joined: 10/20/2005
Msg: 40 (view)
 
Had a date with a conversation hog
Posted: 4/21/2009 5:35:44 PM
OP wrote:

I had a date with someone who never took a breath. It was so irritating. He just talked and talked and never left an opening for a response. When I did try to sneak one in there, he was only inspired to talk more, talk right over me, and never stop. I should have seen this coming, because he was the same way on the phone.

I'm wondering if he is even aware of how boring that can be for someone. He wants to go out again and I just can't see me doing that. I wonder if I should clue him in? If so, how do I tell him?


OP, sounds like you met the guy I broke up with last year. He wasn't by any chance also lying about his age, was he? :) That one has a new profile with a new name and age now...still lying but at least it's by five years this time and not ten. He had some issues that I could just not deal with in addition to the lying and being a conversation hog such as inflated ego, thinking he was Mr. Athletic when he was far from it, and very argumentative if you didn't agree with everything he said.
 jasmina
Joined: 10/20/2005
Msg: 45 (view)
 
Emailing those with basic profiles
Posted: 4/20/2009 3:48:08 AM
I think what the OP is calling a "basic" profile is probably the no effort, no thought type profile. As far as replying to a man who has one, it would depend on what he wrote in the e-mail whether there was anything to reply to. If it was the generic few word e-mail and he had nothing about himself in the profile, then my reply would just be a generic reply too, since there was nothing to reply to. If he took the time and effort to write a decent e-mail and tell me about himself, then I would reply the same way since there would then be something to reply too. Of course, that does not guarantee anything. The last one I met who had a "basic" profile, and who wrote a decent e-mail initially, ended up making no effort, and I ended up ending it...the profile was a better indicator of him than the e-mails, so I suppose you never know until you get to know someone in that case.

I prefer a profile that has enough written to give me a glimpse of a person's intelligence, personality, interests, and what he is looking for. I need to know enough about someone to see if there might be potential and worth writing to. I also don't like a list of negatives...I will pass that one by. I don't e-mail based solely on a picture like some do, although there has to be some physical attraction to go beyond friendship. Looks can change over the years, so there needs to be something on the inside too. There has to be some effort and thought put into the profile for me to write. Even some of the longer ones don't say anything...just rambling. To the men calling women "airheads", I have found some of the male variety too. :)
 jasmina
Joined: 10/20/2005
Msg: 164 (view)
 
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/11/2009 5:54:03 AM
abelian, that's the way I do it, too. The only way it will develop into a long term relationship is if the man is focusing only on me once things go offline and we start dating. If I find he is seeing others or still contacting others online behind my back, then the potential for a long term relationship is gone and I will end it. If I go out on one date, and it does not go well, then I will start looking again and the other person is free to do the same. However, if things go well and we decide to see each other again, then I expect exclusive and the other person will get that from me, too. It's not fair to the person you are dating if you keep others as backups. It's not fair to the backups either. I have been in both situations and learned to ask questions before meeting someone...such as what he is looking for, does he date one or multiples at a time, etc. I also am much more aware of red flags than I used to be.
 jasmina
Joined: 10/20/2005
Msg: 163 (view)
 
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/11/2009 5:41:20 AM
rheard, I agree with your analogy. When things are still only online, there is no commitment to one person, however, once things go offline and dating begins, contacting others online should stop the focus should be 100% on the person you are dating. It would not be fair to the person you are dating if you kept others on the side, even just online.

I don't consider chatting and e-mailing only to be a reason to take down a profile. There has to be more to it than that to make me take down my profile. I need to see that the other person really wants to get to know me and only me first. It takes more than just online chat and e-mail or phone calls to show me that. There has to be regular time spent in person first.

As far as body language and voice go, I have managed t o see through some people who thought they were pretty good actors. :) They didn't fool me. There are plenty of red flags to see if you pay attention and ask questions. Their response, or lack of one, says it all. They will eventually show their true colors, and it usually does not take very long for those true colors to appear if you are watching.
 jasmina
Joined: 10/20/2005
Msg: 157 (view)
 
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/10/2009 3:41:40 AM
rheard, I agree with what you said. It can be confusing. I would also hide my profile when dating someone and would expect him to do the same. If things worked out, mine would be deleted, and I would expect his to be too. No man would have to wonder if I was giving him my full attention. He would know that I am by my actions. If his actions say he is not doing the same, that is a red flag to me, and I would ask him about it. I would be able to tell by his response whether he is contacting others while seeing me or not. Body language and voice can give away a lot. :) If I find that he is seeing or contacting others, being active and contacting others on a dating site, I will end it. I have no time for those who play games. As far as contacting online, I think it is acceptable to contact more than one at a time, however, once you meet and start dating someone, that should stop. The person you are dating should receive your full attention.
 jasmina
Joined: 10/20/2005
Msg: 154 (view)
 
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/9/2009 5:43:00 PM
I do and won't date a man who would date multiple women at the same time. In order to get to know someone, you need to spend time with them and communicate with them on a regular basis. If a man won't take the time to get to know me, he is not worth my time. I don't share a man. When I meet a man who I think has potential, he will get my full attention, and I expect to get his if he feels the same way. If he doesn't, then I expect him to honest and tell me and not string me along or disappear and leave me to guess why. That is just rude. It doesn't take long to determine if there is potential or not. Sometimes, that can happen in the first meeting. Every man who I felt had potential, I felt a connection with before even meeting. There has been no exception. If I don't feel that connection, then I don't meet a man. The first meeting can deepen that feeling of a connection if the man is who he says he is and is not different in person than online. If he is not the person he portrayed himself to be, then the feeling of a connection would most likely disappear very quickly.
 jasmina
Joined: 10/20/2005
Msg: 138 (view)
 
Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/9/2009 3:44:44 AM
I date one at a time and won't date someone who dates multiple women at the same time. Why waste my time when I am only one of a number. I prefer to spend time with someone to see if we are compatible, which does not take long. I think if someone is the type to date multiple people at the same time, they should be up front about it when contacting you so you can choose whether or not to continue communicating with them. I have not met men because this is something I will ask him before deciding to meet if he does not tell me without my asking. I won't share a man. Any man I date will have my full attention and I expect to have his. If I don't, there is no point in continuing with him.

Focusing on one at a time helps build trust, whereas multiple dating and the game playing that goes along with it does the opposite. I have been told my some men that they have to date many to find the one who is right for them, but that is a bunch of BS. If someone is right for you, you will know it even if the are the only one you have met.
I think those who multiple date want quantity verus quality and are afraid of a commitment. I prefer quality and someone who is not afraid of a commitment if things should work out.
 jasmina
Joined: 10/20/2005
Msg: 19 (view)
 
In The Beginning - What do you prefer?
Posted: 4/6/2009 4:59:55 PM
I prefer nice guys and honesty. If he doesn't see a future for us, then I would expect him to be honest about that and tell me instead of saying nothing. One thing I think is misleading is when a guy keeps telling you he is interested even when you question him about it, but his actions say the opposite. Mixed signals are very frustrating. I am one to give someone a chance and the benefit of the doubt, and usually give someone way too many chances, but I have my limit...and my limit has decreased greatly after the last experience. The so-called "bad guys" are not for me. Neither are the ones who would disappear with no explanation or warning. I want a normal, nice guy who knows how to develop and keep a relationship. Dependability is very important to me. When I say I will do something, I do it, and I want someone who does the same. I get tired of the lame excuses, which says to me there is no interest and time for me to move on.
 jasmina
Joined: 10/20/2005
Msg: 41 (view)
 
How long can you date without being exclusive?
Posted: 1/20/2009 5:14:06 PM
optimismreigns said:

Of course, exclusivity is NOT commitment in my book. Exclusivity is just where you concentrate on one person to see if you want to be committed to that person or not.


I agree with your definition of exclusivity...my point exactly in my first post on this thread.
 jasmina
Joined: 10/20/2005
Msg: 40 (view)
 
How long can you date without being exclusive?
Posted: 1/20/2009 5:09:58 PM
dogslife2live001 said:

.... and why would someone know on a first date if it was love. why would they want to close all the ties they made..... but most of all would you be able to except the friends he made along the way.... even if they are females!?!?


It has nothing to do with knowing if it is love. It has to do with getting to know one person at a time and spending enough time with him to do that instead of jumping from one person to another without any thought to it. Reread what I said. What does friends have to do with it? Friends are not potential girlfriends if they are really just friends. If they are not just friends, then I wouldn't waste my time with him.
 jasmina
Joined: 10/20/2005
Msg: 16 (view)
 
How long can you date without being exclusive?
Posted: 1/19/2009 5:35:23 PM
I let the man know up front that I only date one at a time and expect the same of the man I am dating. If he does not want to do that, then I don't waste my time meeting him. I prefer to take time to get to know a person and spend time with him instead of having multiple "acquaintances," which is all they would be since I would not have time to know any of them well enough to call them anything else. I prefer to meet a man who knows what he wants and is through with the immature behavior of jumping from one woman to the next with no thoughts as to their feelings.
 jasmina
Joined: 10/20/2005
Msg: 10 (view)
 
why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 1/19/2009 4:40:08 PM
Good question. If I met someone, and we decided we wanted to be together and develop a deeper relationship, I would not have any desire or reason to stay on dating sites and would expect the same of the person I was dating. No forum could keep me on a dating site...I would rather spend it with someone special in person. If he still wanted to stay on dating sites, then it would be obvious to me that he didn't feel the same about me that I felt about him.

As far as posters talking about being exclusive or not, I assume that he is only seeing me as I am only seeing him unless I am told otherwise. I never assume someone is dating others, and if I find out he is, I end it.

In the beginning, both would probably still be on the site just because it was a habit and neither would know if things would work out. I used to get off dating sites when I met someone, but had to rejoin when things did not work out. I do think it is a matter of trust. If I was dating someone, I would not be looking for anyone else whether I got on a dating site or not. I know how I am, but I have had experiences in the past where the guy was hanging out on dating sites and contacting other women at the same time he was seeing me. It makes you questions whether you can really trust someone or not. I think that will take getting to know someone well enough to be able to trust them. Trust is earned.
 jasmina
Joined: 10/20/2005
Msg: 38 (view)
 
Does Lack of head games = Lack of interest
Posted: 1/19/2009 11:02:07 AM
Playing games = lack of interest. Playing games = childish behavior. Playing games = not worth my time. If a guy plays games with me, he will be history. I used to try to rationalize it like the OP, but no more. If the man can't be open and honest and show me he is interested, then I move on. The main thing I see as interest is the frequency and quality of the communication. I also see him getting on a dating site after we have been seeing each other for a reasonable amount of time a negative sign. If I am interested in a man, I will show him, and I expect no less of him if he is interested in me. If he does not show interest, then I assume he has none and look elsewhere. I have been in situations where I was doing all the work like the OP, but I stopped myself and came to my senses a long time ago about that. If it's not mutual, it's not worth pursuing.
 jasmina
Joined: 10/20/2005
Msg: 64 (view)
 
Does wanting a relationship make you needy?
Posted: 1/19/2009 10:47:46 AM
I don't think wanting to be in a relationship is being needy if it is for the right reasons. I do fine on my own and have for quite some time now, but it would be nice to share my life with someone special. I am in no rush...I will take the time to get to know someone and determine if he is righ for me. I am, however, looking for a man who is looking for a long term relationship with one woman, not casual dating with multiple women at the same time or who would hang out on dating sites contacting other women while seeing me. I won't settle for less just to have someone in my life. That, in my opinion, would be considered being needy. If you try to change yourself to get approval from another person or fit in, then that is also what I would call needy. That does not include trying to improve yourself in a positive way when you see improvement is needed. It does mean trying to change yourself to fit in with what the other person wants you to be instead of being yourself. If the right person does not come along, then I will continue as I have been. If the right person comes along, then that will be great. I won't "settle" for just anyone. I think it is better to be alone than with the wrong person.
 jasmina
Joined: 10/20/2005
Msg: 78 (view)
 
Why do people ask about other's ethnicity?
Posted: 12/11/2008 3:31:03 PM
I think it would depend on how they ask you. Some people are just curious and mean no offense. If they are meaning offense by their comment, you would most likely know it by how they say it. I am a mixture and sometimes get asked about by background. I don't mind it if it is asked in a postive way. I would prefer that they get to know something about me instead of that being their first question though.
 jasmina
Joined: 10/20/2005
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Get ready Canada, you're next.
Posted: 12/9/2008 3:30:32 AM
I agree with you whatsallthis. The car companies made bad decisions, and that is why they are in trouble. Why would any company decide to make Hummers when gas prices were rising? I have not bought an American car for a long time...they were never dependable.
 jasmina
Joined: 10/20/2005
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Celebrating your birthday alone
Posted: 12/9/2008 3:24:54 AM
If you are going out with friends, then you won't be celebrating alone. Even if you go out with them at other times, it's not the same as really being alone on your birthday. It may not seem special to you, but consider yourself lucky to have some good friends to go out with.
 jasmina
Joined: 10/20/2005
Msg: 180 (view)
 
reflections about today's historic moment
Posted: 11/23/2008 4:45:51 PM
For those posters who think Obama is the first black elected for president, he is not. First, he is only partly black. Second, there were five presidents that had black ancestry...Lincoln, Jefferson, Jackson, Harding, and Coolidge. Then, of course, there is still his citizenship that is question. That is still pending since he refuses to answer the questions.
 jasmina
Joined: 10/20/2005
Msg: 148 (view)
 
What Changes in the male mind after sex
Posted: 4/20/2008 4:08:21 PM
QTpye16 said:

<div class="quote">And for the men who are confused or not sure what they want (which is quite a lot), after sex, he will start to think about whether you are relationship material for him or not...how compatible you are, your personality, character, etc...and make a decision from there.

They should have been thinking about that before sex, not afterward. If they are confused or don't know what they want, then they shouldn't have sex with the woman. If there is no emotional connection for the man, then he should find a woman who thinks like him, not a woman who is looking for a relationship. In my opinion, anyone (man or woman) who would have sex with somone and disappear is rude.
 jasmina
Joined: 10/20/2005
Msg: 110 (view)
 
Where is everyone from?
Posted: 4/5/2008 12:20:59 PM
I'm from Perry Hall..northeast of Baltimore for those who never heard of it. :)
 jasmina
Joined: 10/20/2005
Msg: 31 (view)
 
A world without the USA.
Posted: 3/23/2008 10:40:23 AM
rexetcetera, I agree, but invaded would be a better choice of words than colonised.
 jasmina
Joined: 10/20/2005
Msg: 35 (view)
 
Why Didn't He Call? (discuss an article)
Posted: 3/13/2008 3:24:38 AM
zeanah59 said:


Why would anyone be on a dating site if they do not have the time to date. What I mean by that is...not just date me, but date anyone for that matter. If you cannot date people because you are to busy or work all the time, then don't ask people out that desire to go out and get to know this person.
It doesn't mean we will automatically be dating partners because we had a first meet. I am on this site to find a dating partner, not a quick fling when and if someone has the time. I don't like dating multiple partners. I would want someone avaialble if we hit it off. Why waste my time on someone that cannot fulfill that desire???
If you are only into quick flings, dating others, just want a buddy to do things with, then fine, but do not contact someone you know that it is stated in their profile, that they want long term and not just casual dating.
I think it is a very logical, reasonable question to see if you have the same idea about dating. Wow, I have been ask a lot more personal and uncomfortable questions than that! To each his own...but I am not wasting my time on waiting around for someone always cancelling dates and has no time for me....that's pointless for me.


Very well said...I feel the same way. I have read on some profiles how busy the guy is and how much he works...those I just pass by. I have had men contact me who are not looking for a dating partner but just for casual dating with me being only one of their options...that is not for me. I have made some friends on here, but when I am interested in someone for a dating partner versus a friend, then I want someone who is available and treats me as a priority, not an option. While I would not jump into anything serious right away with someone I just met, long term is the eventual goal, so I would want someone with potential for that kind of a relationship once we got to know each other and decided that we wanted to be together.
 jasmina
Joined: 10/20/2005
Msg: 34 (view)
 
Why Didn't He Call? (discuss an article)
Posted: 3/13/2008 3:24:20 AM
zeanah59 said:


Why would anyone be on a dating site if they do not have the time to date. What I mean by that is...not just date me, but date anyone for that matter. If you cannot date people because you are to busy or work all the time, then don't ask people out that desire to go out and get to know this person.
It doesn't mean we will automatically be dating partners because we had a first meet. I am on this site to find a dating partner, not a quick fling when and if someone has the time. I don't like dating multiple partners. I would want someone avaialble if we hit it off. Why waste my time on someone that cannot fulfill that desire???
If you are only into quick flings, dating others, just want a buddy to do things with, then fine, but do not contact someone you know that it is stated in their profile, that they want long term and not just casual dating.
I think it is a very logical, reasonable question to see if you have the same idea about dating. Wow, I have been ask a lot more personal and uncomfortable questions than that! To each his own...but I am not wasting my time on waiting around for someone always cancelling dates and has no time for me....that's pointless for me.


Very well said...I feel the same way. I have read on some profiles how busy the guy is and how much he works...those I just pass by. I have had men contact me who are not looking for a dating partner but just for casual dating with me being only one of their options...that is not for me. I have made some friends on here, but when I am interested in someone for a dating partner versus a friend, then I want someone who is available and treats me as a priority, not an option. While I would not jump into anything serious right away with someone I just met, long term is the eventual goal, so I would want someone with potential for that kind of a relationship once we got to know each other and decided that we wanted to be together.
 jasmina
Joined: 10/20/2005
Msg: 121 (view)
 
Would you leave the dating sites if you got in a serious relationship?
Posted: 3/12/2008 6:17:46 PM
alibabble, Good points...my thoughts exactly, especially the last line. I would be spending time with a real person developing a real relationship and I would not look back if I met someone who wanted to spend his life with me and I with him.
 jasmina
Joined: 10/20/2005
Msg: 47 (view)
 
Would you leave the dating sites if you got in a serious relationship?
Posted: 3/11/2008 6:09:04 PM
Definitely...I would much rather spend time with a real person than sit in front of a computer. There is nothing to keep me on dating sites once a relationship shows real potential. Some people are addicted to dating sites and continue to log in regularly regardless of their relationship status as if they were unattached. I would not stay in a relationship with someone who did that. People can give all the excuses they want for staying on dating sites when they are in a relationship, but in my opinion, that's all they are...excuses. If I have a fulfilling relationship, I would have no need to hang out on dating sites...would have much better things to do. I would not have the time to sit in front of a computer, much less on a dating site...and would not want to...would be spending quality time with my SO.
 jasmina
Joined: 10/20/2005
Msg: 244 (view)
 
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/8/2008 6:49:47 AM
Well said, sin2gether2. It had nothing to do with the sex, but with what happened afterward.
 jasmina
Joined: 10/20/2005
Msg: 29 (view)
 
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/5/2008 3:56:53 AM
I have seen other posters blaming the OP because she chose to have sex with the man. Well, he also chose to have sex with her too, but you don't see her giving him the silent treatment because of it. Stop with the double standard. The guy is a jerk. Whether or not sex is involved is not the issue, the fact that the man took the coward's way out is the issue. Just disappearing on someone is cruel and heartless. I had a guy do that to me after meeting, no sex involved. I called him after I had not heard from him in several days just to confirm what I was feeling, and he told me it was the distance. If that was true, then he should have not bothered to contact me, or at least told me at the time we met face to face. He made some excuses which I could see through...I knew we would never talk again even though he asked me if I wanted to try to work around the distance. For some men, the distance we had between us would have been nothing. I knew I didn't want to see him again anyway...any person who would take the coward's way out is not the kind of person I would want to know.
 jasmina
Joined: 10/20/2005
Msg: 63 (view)
 
Ettiquette regarding keeping ex sexual partners as friends
Posted: 3/4/2008 6:15:02 PM
I don't remain friends with exes. That is why they are exes. I've found it's best to completely cut the ties in order to move on. Also, I would not feel comfortable with a man who kept in contact with exes he has had sex with. The only exception to that would be an ex wife he has children with, but not if he was acting like he still loved her or was attracted to her. If that was the case, he would need to evaluate how he felt about her before considering another relationship, and I would look elsewhere.
 jasmina
Joined: 10/20/2005
Msg: 650 (view)
 
Ladies: your take on short guys?
Posted: 3/4/2008 5:59:16 PM
Everyone has their preferences as to what they find most attractive on the outside, but that doesn't mean that they don't look past the outside to see the inside of a person. I have my preferences just like everyone else as I said in my previous post, but that doesn't mean that I limit myself based on the outside of a person...I look at the individual. The inside of a person is what is most attractive to me. You may find that once you see the inside of the person, they become more attractive to you on the outside too. I don't choose a man based on height...I choose him based on inner qualities.
 jasmina
Joined: 10/20/2005
Msg: 720 (view)
 
can you trust some one once they cheat?
Posted: 3/4/2008 3:55:02 AM
The trust is destroyed if someone cheats on you, and it would probably take a very long time to reestablish that if it ever could be done. For me, once someone would cheat, I would be gone. The trust is betrayed. It would never be the same as before. I would always wonder what the other person was doing when I was not around. There are others in the world who don't cheat. Why would I settle for a cheater? I don't cheat and don't want someone who would even consider it.
 jasmina
Joined: 10/20/2005
Msg: 698 (view)
 
Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 3/4/2008 3:21:21 AM
Intelligence is not a curse unless you see it as such. For me, intelligence is a necessary qualtity...a man able to have an intellectually stimulating conversation can be a real turn on. I do agree with Darr that if one feels intimidated by the other person's intellect, it can cause a problem in the relationship. However, what is really the problem...the intelligence or the feeling of intimidation? What would make a person feel intimidated by another's intelligence if both people had a good relationship and were open in their communication? It seems like people start to perceive things or feel a certain way when there is a lack of open, honest communication in a relationship.
 jasmina
Joined: 10/20/2005
Msg: 615 (view)
 
Ladies: your take on short guys?
Posted: 3/3/2008 6:13:57 PM
Although I prefer a man who is my height or greater, I don't limit myself. If the man was shorter than I was and had the qualities I am looking for, height would not be an issue. I actually prefer men who are not much taller than I am to those who are much taller, but either way, height is not an issue. It's the inside that really matters.
 jasmina
Joined: 10/20/2005
Msg: 426 (view)
 
Favorites List?????
Posted: 3/3/2008 3:57:12 AM
I periodically go through and delete anyone who has never contacted me or that I have not been in contact with for a long time. If they really have an interest, they would have contacted me or stayed in contact. If I have an interest in someone, I will send an e-mail to introduce myself. If there is no response, I delete them. If they respond, I will keep them if the response shows interest. I don't see the point in having my profile on a lot of men's favorite lists if there is no contact between us. Those I would put on my favorites list are those who I am in contact with for a potential relationship or friends who are also on this site.
 jasmina
Joined: 10/20/2005
Msg: 28 (view)
 
How long should I wait for someone to call me back?
Posted: 3/1/2008 9:26:42 PM
If a man is really interested, he would be calling the day after the first meeting. If I meet a man and he does not call the next day, I take that as lack of interest and move on. I don't wait for days before making that assumption. If he was really interested, he would want to call...and not just once in a while. Communication is important to me, so if a man is lacking in that area, he and I would probably not have much in common anyway. It only takes a few minutes to make a call. I recently met a man who gave every indication he was interested, then I never heard from him. I called him just to have some closure and confirm what I felt. He said the distance was too much, which I can understand and told him so. However, I also told him if he felt that way that I would have prefered that he had told me that on the day we met and not just do nothing. I prefer honesty, not silence.
 jasmina
Joined: 10/20/2005
Msg: 66 (view)
 
Guy takes four days to respond?
Posted: 1/30/2008 4:01:25 AM
For me, communication is very important. I always answer my e-mails as soon as I finish reading them. I know what busy is too, but I have always made time to respond to e-mails from those who are important to me.

The best way a guy can show his interest in me is by having regular, daily communication with me. That doesn't have to take a long time...it only takes a few minutes to type an e-mail or pick up the phone and call to say hello. If the communication is sparse, I tend to take a step back and question if the man is really interested in me. If it gets too far between, I move on. If the guy can't communicate well, he is not for me anyway.

Also, if I see that the guy who is supposedly interested in me has been on the dating site but I have not heard from him, that sends up a red flag, and I proceed with much caution. I watch the actions, and if the words aren't in sync with the actions, I move on.

If it took a man four days or a second e-mail to respond to me, I would have started looking elsewhere by then. That would say to me that he just is not interested enough in me to bother contacting me.

I have been in one-sided relationships (if you can call that a relationship) before, and I won't be doing that again. I won't be sending second e-mails anymore either. I will respond when I get a response. I got tired of being the only one doing the communicating, so I have changed my way of thinking. Communication should be two ways, not just one. If a man is really interested in a woman, he needs to show it. No one can read minds.
 jasmina
Joined: 10/20/2005
Msg: 142 (view)
 
The one thing that breaks the deal in forming a relationship
Posted: 1/10/2008 6:04:38 PM
Thank you, imagery101.
 
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