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fieriluci

Joined: 10/21/2005

Msg: 45 (view)

Emotional sharing Posted: 4/29/2006 4:15:51 PM
>> keepingit There is something that you can do at work, home, anywhere. People will continue to talk until you acknowledge them. If someone says something and you are not really listening they will keep going and going. Just listen and then say "Hey I got it." or "cool" or "I understand" just acknowledge them and they will feel like you got it and they will stop. They will feel that a communication has actually reached someone else instead of it just going and going and going like it is travelling in space. People just want to be acknowledged. Acknowledge them and then move on. You have to be truely interested in people and what people think. An acknowledgement does NOT mean agreement with what they are saying. Never compromise yourself or your belief system.<< Exactly! There is the saying "It's the squeaky wheel that gets the oil." People just want to feel cared about. To be considered is to know that you are not alone in the void!

fieriluci

Joined: 10/21/2005

Msg: 38 (view)

eHarmony...STAY AWAY FROM THIS SITE!!! Posted: 4/24/2006 10:54:09 PM
I think it depends on what you are looking for. My sister met her boyfriend of a year and a half on eHarmony. They live in the NYC and DC areas though, and I think it makes a difference where you live as to which sites are the best. Trends don't always hit the same place at the same time. PoF, for example has a large concentration of handsome Canadian gentlemen members. Match seems to have a larger southern component to it. As for it being a tool of Christian Conservatism, is this a suspicion or provable? I'm not a Christian myself, and while eHarmony has suggested several possible matches, very few of them have been Christian. If this is true about them I would like to know, I don't want to continue giving them my money. Especially since I'm not quite ready to meet anyone yet.

fieriluci

Joined: 10/21/2005

Msg: 41 (view)

Mean People Posted: 3/29/2006 7:35:43 PM
I would have opened it out of curiosity. I wouldn't have expected it to be nice, but I definitely wouldn't have been expecting anything so venomous! I got a mean email from someone on here once but it wasn't as scary as the OP's. Mine just said that I seemed too high maintenance from my profile. He went on to say that it might have been ok if I were "good looking" but since I wasn't, I needed a reality check. I just answered back quite reasonably and unprovoked, and said that I was sorry that it seemed so to him. That I meant no offense, but I just was being honest about myself and what I thought I would need in a mate. His response was an apology.

fieriluci

Joined: 10/21/2005

Msg: 2 (view)

am i right ? Posted: 3/29/2006 6:44:30 PM
You sound like a man betrayed, my friend. I don't think we can hold people accountable for what they list they want. It is hard to know exactly what you want. I feel more strongly about what I know I don't want. I guess because I have learned by experience. I haven't has as much experience learning things I do want.

fieriluci

Joined: 10/21/2005

Msg: 77 (view)

Worst fashion error of your life. Posted: 3/29/2006 6:25:08 PM
When I was in grade school - blue satin bomber jacket and faded-look bell bootoms with a headshot of Shaun Cassidy silk-screened on the bells. When I was in jr high, pegged jeans and bandanas at the wrist and thigh. High school - high-heeled pumps with lace-edged ankle socks, 3-toned hair - short with a long braided tail.

fieriluci

Joined: 10/21/2005

Msg: 10 (view)

why do people like to play games Posted: 3/29/2006 6:04:23 PM
I think games come more from people having poor impulse control combined with not knowing what they want than from any calculated plan. I don't think most people mean to play games. Some do, but most are just weak or immature.

fieriluci

Joined: 10/21/2005

Msg: 68 (view)

Losing faith in women... Posted: 3/7/2006 7:22:08 PM
You know, I came to this thread just to get a little insight into a person who had emailed me. I saw he had posted here and I generally like to get an idea of what a person might be like by seeing how they interact in the forums. This thread made me sad...his post was totally inoffensive and was very practical but after reading so many people's thoughts I'm left feeling really uneasy about getting back out there. So much negativity!! It just kind makes me lose the mood. Oh, and about trust...alot of people seem to look at trust like it is a lightswitch, either on or off. That, to me, seems like going about the practice of trusting in a highly impractical way. It's sort of the "flipping a coin" approach. I've always thought it made more sense to give out my trust in a more personalized way. I feel trust directly proportional to the amount of evidence there is to base it on. It's my responsibility to keep my eyes open and pay attention to the details to determine if the other person is trustworthy. At the same time it is my responsibility to demonstrate to people I interact with that I am trustworthy. I don't expect any intelligent person to 100% trust me immediately, but they shouldn't presume I am out to do bad either. And if over time, I take care to be a trustworthy person, I expect to be treated as one. In return, I will show them the same respect. Why does it have to be all or nothing? And why can't people just be nice to each other? Please note - the gentleman's post which brought me here was neither negative or about trust and my ill mood was in no way brought about by him.

fieriluci

Joined: 10/21/2005

Msg: 18 (view)

Women-Do You Dress For Yourselves, Other Women, or Men? Posted: 2/9/2006 9:51:58 PM
LOL, I'm glad I'm not the only one!!!!

fieriluci

Joined: 10/21/2005

Msg: 67 (view)

If you are DIVORCED, did you know...? Posted: 2/9/2006 3:53:36 PM
But, one of the most important ingredients in any loving relationship, (besides Love), is perserverance. People give up/ throw in the towel, too damn easy. Don't give up, unless it's totally hopeless, or you &/or someone else, is in danger. If you try & fail, you can always leave later, but if you bail too soon, you may have blow your chance, forever. I agree - perserverance is one of the key contributors to being successful in almost every endeavor. I don't think that most people understand what marriage is supposed to be and in this culture of instant gratification, it is hard to find two people who are willing to put in the amount of work, sacrifice, and external awareness necessary to make a marriage successful. How many business arrangements work when one partner is never contributing, or is abusive, or is spending all the resources on another business. Marriage is more work than fun a great deal of the time. What people don't understand is that if both put in the work, the fun is of such a higher quality that it outweighs the work. The other thing that I had to learn the hard way was that when you choose someone to become involved with, you have to really consider whether the other person is capable of and willing to(internally willing, not just verbally willing) make the kind of committment needed. it is important to look at how your prospective partner handles their other relationships. Do they treat people with respect? When they disagree with someone, do they talk to the person about it or do they bury their feelings and try to ignore it? Are they someone who always seems to have some kind of problem but it isn't ever their fault? Do they believe that everything should be black or white or are they willing to compromise? I chose poorly, that's why my marriage ended. I managed to find someone who was so damaged that he couldn't accept love. On our wedding night as we were going to our hotel room, he suddenly started calling me names out of the blue with absolutely nothing on my end to provoke it. I couldn't understand what was going on and at first I tried to treat it like he was joking. He wasn't...Then I tried to find out what had made him so angry with me but he couldn't tell me. He just got nastier and nastier and even though I was trying not to escalate the horrible confusing situation, he just got more vicious and finally called me the C-word and left. I spent my wedding night by myself. That pretty much set the tone...I never knew when he would be viciously angry with me. At first I tried fighting back but that made things worse. The next year was spent with me walking on eggshells and trying to be the perfect wife. I mean I REALLY tried. I learned how to prepare real meals for every meal every day. I kept the house so immaculate that even his Grandmother approved. I negotiated a family peace amongst different members of his family so holidays wouldn't be so weird. I tried to be cute and look good for him. I even dressed up for him from time to time to keep it spicy. I worked full-time and even got promoted so that I would bring in more money. I also ran the business aspects of his independant magazine and home repair businesses. I also did all tile and painting work for the business. I didn't give him a hard time when he went out with his friends. I was affectionate. I also made sure that he would never have any reason to feel jealous. I learned all about football and baseball so that I could discuss players and strategy and never complained that the television was only for watching sports unless it happened to be the down time between the Superbowl and the first day of baseball...then we could watch other shows he wanted to watch. No matter what, some days, most days he hated me and I still don't know why. I believed in commitment so I stuck it out. I guess I was lucky that the hurtful words, pinches, and kicks escalated to beating...it released me from my obligation...Imagine what all that effort I put into my marriage might of amounted to if I had made a better choice of who to mate with in the first place. If I ever become involved with someone again, I would still want to put the same amount of effort into the relationship (maybe aim for more of a compromise with the tv) but I hope that I have learned enough to be able to choose someone who would want to devote that much energy to me and my well-being in return.

fieriluci

Joined: 10/21/2005

Msg: 13 (view)

If you could ban any type of clothing what would it be ? Posted: 2/8/2006 2:52:39 PM
I think this whole super-cropped sweater/jacket trend was a bad idea. I have only seen it look good on one real girl. Unfortunately - It seems that a large majority of the "bigger" girls don't realize that it emphasizes the belly in a very unflattering manner.

fieriluci

Joined: 10/21/2005

Msg: 15 (view)

Women-Do You Dress For Yourselves, Other Women, or Men? Posted: 2/8/2006 2:45:32 PM
I dress for the mood or impact I want to convey. Whether we like it or not, books ARE judged by their covers... Trust me, that doesn't mean that I don't wear comfy clothes, I do...sometimes I wear stuff because it is a wonderful fabric that feels great on my skin, sometimes I wear stuff because I love the way it makes me look in my imaginary world. This morning I had to make a major presentation to the higher-ups in my company and a lot was riding on my success so I dressed in Corporate Activewear (navy blazer, grey trousers, and pearl earrings) Blah! But when I leave work I may go home and put on my purple velvet nightgown inside out because I'm convinced that it is warmer that way! There is usually a trade-off of some sort with clothes...Some I love because they flatter, and some I love because they soothe. I just try to be aware of the aesthetic involved...unfortunately, I am not always successful!

fieriluci

Joined: 10/21/2005

Msg: 4 (view)

Women who love spider-killers too much Posted: 2/8/2006 2:28:09 PM
I don't want them dead, I just want them elsewhere. Killing them just gives their family a reason to be angry and vengeful and to retaliate while you are sleeping.

fieriluci

Joined: 10/21/2005

Msg: 2 (view)

Make overs? Posted: 2/6/2006 8:31:53 PM
I think it would be fun to get a makeover. It's only surface stuff anyway. If you are sure you don't like it, change it to be more you but keep the flattering details that work for you. With regard to the opposite sex being more attracted to you...I think you have to ask yourself the question: are you really going to be satisfied with people who only like you when you put up an image that you aren't comfortable with. Me, I'm a solipsist, the idea of a person or team of people paying that much attention to making me pretty is irresistable.

fieriluci

Joined: 10/21/2005

Msg: 65 (view)

Is it ok to pretend you are the opposite sex to who you are? Posted: 2/6/2006 6:53:37 PM
If you are talking about doing that on this site, I think it would be wrong. The guys on this site seem much more genuine and deserving of consideration than those I have encountered on other sites. Most seem to actually be seeking relationships or at least a meaningful connection with someone. I think if you are wanting to pretend you are a girl in hopes of starting a relationship with a guy - you would be essentially asking someone to become involved with a person who would start the entire relationship on a lie. That is really asking alot and a person who would be willing to trust you under those conditions would raise a red flag for me. If you just like to play on the internet you could go to one of the more anonymous sites where everyone pretty much knows the score - then it would be harmless.

fieriluci

Joined: 10/21/2005

Msg: 47 (view)

Is it possible to ever date again having an STD? Will anyone ever accept it? :o( Posted: 2/2/2006 9:48:28 PM
>>HPV and Genital Warts can be the same thing but not always. You are absolutely correct ^^ HPV is actually a collection of viruses that have very similar structures. The HPV virus that causes genital warts is in the same family as the cancer causing virus.

fieriluci

Joined: 10/21/2005

Msg: 13 (view)

Ladies what impresses you in a profile? Posted: 2/1/2006 10:04:56 PM
I have to agree with everyone else here. Just be patient... Before I entered the thread I already knew what my answer to your title question. I was going to say that I am impressed when someone puts the time into honestly conveying who they are and what they want. You seem to have done both. Family values means different things to different people, what's important is that you live according to your own values. Hang in there :)

fieriluci

Joined: 10/21/2005

Msg: 35 (view)

Is it possible to ever date again having an STD? Will anyone ever accept it? :o( Posted: 2/1/2006 8:31:44 PM
Hi folks - I thought I'd chime in here to help clear up a couple of issues: Herpes and HPV(the std that causes Genital Warts) are indeed two completely different diseases caused by totally different viruses. There are also two different kinds of Herpes Simplex viruses, Type 1 is the milder form that mainly causes blisters on the mouth. Type 2 is the one that typically causes outbreaks of blisters in the genital area. Medicine can sometimes help treat the symptoms but there is NO cure for either kind of Herpes or HPV. They can live in the body forever. They are all very highly contagious and can be passed between partners with no visible sign of an outbreak. While genital contact is the primary way these diseases are spread, they can be spread by as little contact as kissing. These stds are viral which means that they seriously stress the immune system causing increased susceptability to other diseases, occasionally even death. The Center for Disease Control states that at least 50% of sexually active men and women will contract HPV at some point and 1 in 5 have contracted Herpes. Condoms do not appear to provide protection against infection. If you have contracted one of these diseases it is wrong to engage in physical contact with someone before you are sure they are aware of the risks they are facing. As to the worry that word will get out...don't touch someone until you know them well enough to guage the likelihood of whether or not you can trust them. Even then it is possible that word might spread. Of course it is also always possible that someone would spread the rumour even if it wasn't true. There is nothing you can do but really be respectful of potential partners and get to know people before you spill your guts. Also - it is common for people with a std to rationalize that they don't have to worry about protection since they are already infected. You should always be careful and think of how lucky you are if you only contracted Herpes or HPV...it might been AIDS. On the flip side, these diseases are now so common that they aren't the stigma they once were. You might have to give up 1st or 2nd date sex but hey, think of it this way if you make it to the 3rd date without intimacy of any sort, it's much more likely that the two of you have some kind of a connection based something more solid than mere physical attraction.

fieriluci

Joined: 10/21/2005

Msg: 24 (view)

Chemistry Posted: 1/27/2006 9:14:20 PM
I think maybe you misunderstand the context of the "women are not swayed by the physical appearance of their partner." While it is true that men tend to be more visual than women when it comes to sex, it doesn't follow that women do not experience emotion when viewing their significant other. They are two different things...one is a visual trigger for a physical response, and the other is a visual trigger for an emotional response. Or are you saying that it's harder for men to break-up with women because when a man sees a woman, he is stimulated to not want to give up the sex?

fieriluci

Joined: 10/21/2005

Msg: 11 (view)

if you had to pick ur husband for just one quality, what quality will u pick? Posted: 1/26/2006 8:44:30 PM
If I were able to choose a husband based on just one quality, that quality would be wisdom. It's useful and nothing is sexier.

fieriluci

Joined: 10/21/2005

Msg: 462 (view)

coping Posted: 12/4/2005 9:33:27 AM
Supadiva - beautiful.

fieriluci

Joined: 10/21/2005

Msg: 14 (view)

Household Advice and other answerable questions Posted: 12/3/2005 10:41:51 PM
>What's with dryer sheets for insect repellent?< I don't know?? Maybe it works on the same principle as SkinSoSoft. It's such a sweet and heavy scent that bugs don't like it.

fieriluci

Joined: 10/21/2005

Msg: 13 (view)

Household Advice and other answerable questions Posted: 12/3/2005 10:38:32 PM
Actually it was the sweepers who told me about the cracks. This is my first winter in the house...I was hoping the could get my fireplace ready so that I could have some heat...the cracks aren't visible on the outside. The offered me two possible solutions. They could put a new liner in and pour some fancy sealant in for $3500, or for $350 I could have them cap it, and for another 4-500, I could get gas logs put in. I've already decided to do the logs but can't afford them yet...I know it needs to be fixed, but as a first time home owner, I can't assess whether or not I could use the fireplace to keep warm if needed in the meantime.

fieriluci

Joined: 10/21/2005

Msg: 11 (view)

Household Advice and other answerable questions Posted: 12/3/2005 7:05:50 PM
What sort of flooring do you have in the tv room? Any carpet or fabric that's been around for a while could trap some funky odors. Also have you checked the windows for any moisture damage?

fieriluci

Joined: 10/21/2005

Msg: 10 (view)

Household Advice and other answerable questions Posted: 12/3/2005 6:44:03 PM
So I probably won't set my house on fire if I build one then...It's getting awfully cold for me to not have any heat!! Thank you all for your advice...

fieriluci

Joined: 10/21/2005

Msg: 1 (view)

Household Advice and other answerable questions Posted: 12/3/2005 9:56:57 AM
This thread is meant to be a place where you can ask for practical advice on those questions that you don't know anybody else to ask. This is not the place for dating questions, rhetorical questions, philosophical questions. If you know the answer to a question, help a pal out and post it here. If you find yourself wondering "I wonder what would happen if...?" Ask away, maybe someone has already done it, saw it, tried it... My first question for the thread: What does it mean if your chimney has a crack on the inside at the top? What does that cause?

fieriluci

Joined: 10/21/2005

Msg: 33 (view)

she had an abortion with my 4week kid Posted: 11/15/2005 5:36:21 PM
Oh, and I need to amend the sentence in my post that said "Men can be incredibly hurtful or callous when confronted with a situation they don't want to deal with." That should read "people can be incredibly hurtful or callous..."

fieriluci

Joined: 10/21/2005

Msg: 10 (view)

Im in a relationship.... with mother nature! Posted: 11/15/2005 5:14:54 PM
I have roly-poly bugs in my tub...so you could say that I am in a relationship with mother nature...I'm not sure how I feel about it tho.

fieriluci

Joined: 10/21/2005

Msg: 15 (view)

What is your Life Principle? Posted: 11/15/2005 5:07:55 PM
Balance, intention, and try not to hurt anyone.

fieriluci

Joined: 10/21/2005

Msg: 31 (view)

she had an abortion with my 4week kid Posted: 11/15/2005 5:03:13 PM
So you guys were dating for a week when she got pregnant... 1st let me say that if what she says is accurate, it was definately bad form to keep this a secret from you. Now let me play devil's advocate: She might not have trusted you enough to tell you. From a woman's perspective becoming pregnant is a huge, terrifyng, and life-changing event no matter what the outcome. If you don't really know each other very well, she might have worried that you would make the situation worse for her. Men can be incredibly callous or hurtful when confronted with a situation they don't want to deal with. I had to tell a boyfriend I was pregnant once and later that day he very casually dumped me for it, right after we had been intimate. People can be mean and when you are pregnant you are seriously vulnerable. When you become pregnant you can also have intense hormone surges that change your personality and cloud your judgement. It doesn't happen with every woman and it doesn't happen every time, but when it does it can make yopu a crazy person. Rather than be offended, you should be concerned. I think you need to look at the surrounding circumstances. Is she a drama queen? Did she offer a reason for not telling you? Was she remorseful? Is she the type of person who might throw that out there to manipulate you? How do you really feel about it? Are you really hurt or is it just the principle? Regardless, she definitely should have told you but her reasons for not doing so may make her a scared or confused person rather than a malicious one. Ultimately, you will have to trust your instincts and if you continue with the relationship, you guys will have to reach an understanding about communication.

fieriluci

Joined: 10/21/2005

Msg: 12 (view)

What's your biggest turn on in the opposite sex? Posted: 11/13/2005 10:17:49 PM
I like confidence in a man, but he has to be able to back it up.

fieriluci

Joined: 10/21/2005

Msg: 3 (view)

Good Places to eat, and good places to take a date Posted: 11/13/2005 11:30:29 AM
Nashville has tons of great places to eat and take a date... Melting Pot - Downtown, dim lighting, intimate seating, and incredible food make this a nice date spot. The fondue dining style makes this a fun couple date spot, which is also nice because you can split the somewhat pricey bill. Be prepared, meals are a presentation and take quite a while so be sure to go wth someone you find fascinating. Side note- If you're not up for a big meal you might want to stop off for ice cream at the little parlor on Broadway and 2nd. All the ice cream is made right there, and is absolutely delicious. Afterwards, have a nice little walk along the Riverfront or people-watch in the downtown crow Rotierre's - A Nashville landmark, Rotierre's is a meat &3/diner,located off of West End by Centennial Park. All the food is extremely good, but note especially the cheeseburger on French bread and the best real chocolate shake in Nashville! Speaking of Centennial, grab something to go and picnic by the duckpond.

fieriluci

Joined: 10/21/2005

Msg: 16 (view)

profile pics Posted: 11/12/2005 4:18:34 PM
Oh, and I think it's bad form to make rude comments, pic or no...

fieriluci

Joined: 10/21/2005

Msg: 15 (view)

profile pics Posted: 11/12/2005 4:16:10 PM
I really don't think that I'd be interested in someone who would be ashamed of being seen on here. If they are ashamed, then either they are up to no good or they think that being on here is bad and something to be embarrassed about. That would mean by default, that I am bad in some way, since I was a member on here. Who wants to get involved with someone who thinks I'm bad?!

fieriluci

Joined: 10/21/2005

Msg: 17 (view)

Long Hair On Guys? Posted: 11/7/2005 1:20:52 PM
If my judgement had to be made solely using hairlength as the criteria, I would have to go with short. That being said, I can't recall ever making any kind of serious decision about a guy, based on the length of his hair.

fieriluci

Joined: 10/21/2005

Msg: 40 (view)

WHAT DID YOU WANNA BE WHEN YOU GREW UP, AND DID YOU BECOME THAT? Posted: 11/7/2005 10:17:25 AM
What I wanted more than anything, was to be happy. It's taken a lot of work but for the most part I am. :) As far as jobs: Photographer for National Geographic Nancy Drew Someone who wore business suits and went to business meetings. Now: I don't even have a camara...but I wish I did!!! Someday I'll get one and build a darkroom. I've taken one class and need many more, but I just adore it! I am employed as a licensed PI but I am a supervisor with a Co that does high-volume pre-employment checks so I wear the suit and sit in an office all day. Not much 'sluething' actually to my job...

fieriluci

Joined: 10/21/2005

Msg: 32 (view)

Would you date a man if he was unemployed and living with his parents? Posted: 11/6/2005 10:20:18 AM
If he is self-supporting, I think he gets to make his own rules. To all of you folks who are getting frustrated because you have or can think of a good reason a guy should be living with his folks...I'm pretty sure we aren't talking about you. I think we are talking about the guys living w/ mommy and daddy because it's comfy and even tho, they are pushing 40 - they still haven't developed a passion or even a rudimentary method of self-reliance. Not the good guys who have had a set back through no fault of their own, the guys who are saving to work towards their future, or the guys who have already put in their sweat and are now due to take it easy.

fieriluci

Joined: 10/21/2005

Msg: 39 (view)

why would you bee interested in people that is from another city or country? Posted: 11/5/2005 5:00:28 PM
I lost my ld boyfriend after my webcam quit working (snif). Of course since we never actually met, the recovery time wasn't terribly long. I actually prefer to date ld. There isn't so much pressure. I am a very independent girl who is most comfortable doing her own thing. I don't like someone hanging around waiting for me to entertain them. Plus most of the men in my area are good ol' boys. Don't get me wrong - I love good ol' boys...we just aren't generally interested in the same things. The nicest relationship I have had was with an Englishman. We met by chance when he was here on business and then we dated for another 2-3 years. He would come over and fly me wherever he was. It was sexy and romantic and he was a doll. Then he met someone and married her and we lost touch. Years passed and I married and eventually divorced. I looked the Englishman up on google and found his email. I emailed just a note, to say that I hoped he and his family were well and just to thank him for treating me so well when we were younger. Turns out he also had divorced. Long story short, he flew over a few times and we had amazing visits. I think we were starting to get a little serious and so he withdrew into work. We still keep in touch and I will always have a soft spot for him. He was kind and sexy as hell! Taught me how to enjoy it finally!!

fieriluci

Joined: 10/21/2005

Msg: 11 (view)

Would you date a man if he was unemployed and living with his parents? Posted: 11/5/2005 4:32:59 PM
Nope, wouldn't consider it unless there was a seriously good reason that demonstrated that he was not there so that his parents could take care of him.

fieriluci

Joined: 10/21/2005

Msg: 24 (view)

Shaved or not Posted: 11/5/2005 4:26:02 PM
Shaved is fine, Unshaved is fine. Stubble, however, is most definitely not fine.

fieriluci

Joined: 10/21/2005

Msg: 81 (view)

Tanned or Not Posted: 11/5/2005 4:17:25 PM
I think it depends on the person. Some people look better tan and some people look better pale. I belong to the latter group. The funny thing is that everyone always thinks I look like I'm from somewhere else. Somehow tan = American.

fieriluci

Joined: 10/21/2005

Msg: 28 (view)

how to deal with shy girls? Posted: 11/5/2005 12:52:29 PM
Blast-I have to say that comments you have made on this and other posts have contributed largely to my LIKE of you. :) I think you call it as you see it and if the details aren't technically correct here, you seem to have the jist. This guy is 20 years old and seems to have all of the wisdom, compassion, and concern for others typically displayed by young men his age.

fieriluci

Joined: 10/21/2005

Msg: 15 (view)

Do men really know what Women Want??????? Posted: 11/5/2005 12:23:16 PM
In my recent experience, men THINK they know what I want but they don't even have a clue!! I have been involved with two successive guys who decided that I wanted to chain them down, get married, and set up housekeeping. Ironically, my ex-husband was always convinced that I was cheating on him. After completely committing my entire existence to my marraige and it still not being enough, I certainly do not want to find myself married. I am a serial monogamist tho, and expect anyone sleeping with me to be the same. It just makes good sense. I have been told that I am so honest, no one can believe me. Maybe that's the trouble with these guys. I do love intensely, but I take each day as it comes. I don't believe that promises are binding unless I am the one that makes them. I have had some of the most frustrating conversations with guys who believe that I am in love with them just because we slept together. I am an affectionate person, I am fairly skilled in the domestic arts. I like to make people feel special. None of this means I am panting for the white picket fence and babies! You guys were dead on about the shoes though. :)

fieriluci

Joined: 10/21/2005

Msg: 75 (view)

When should the woman start paying?? Posted: 11/5/2005 11:55:04 AM
Sorry, a bit off track there...I think whoever asks the other person out for the first time should either expect to pay or make it clear in the invitation that it is a dutch treat. Personally, I never presume that someone is going to pay my way unless they say so. I also try to order inexpensively and stay away from alcohol unless the gentleman is having a drink and offers one to me. I just try to be considerate of the other person and treat them as I would like to be treated. My last boyfriend took me to a trendy expensive resturant on our first date. It was a showy pretentious place where everyone goes to see and be seen. I hate that kind of place but it was a nice gesture. I ordered light and he paid. That was the last time he paid. That was the last time he offered to pay. I even had to pay 5 bucks for parking every time I went to his apt. Never once did he offer to help me out even though he made 3 times what I do. Needless to say, this was indcative of his overall character and our relationship was shortlived.

fieriluci

Joined: 10/21/2005

Msg: 72 (view)

When should the woman start paying?? Posted: 11/5/2005 11:03:03 AM
Who were these crazy women who WEREN'T giving up for Feynman!! I don't mean to come across as easy but Feynman certainly wouldn't have had to buy me drinks to get me to spend the night with him. I would have been happy just to listen to him talk!!

fieriluci

Joined: 10/21/2005

Msg: 20 (view)

Are you in love or do you just need to be loved? Posted: 11/5/2005 7:07:10 AM
Wow, there are some great posts on here!! I think that I have been definitely guilty of getting into relationships because I was trying so hard to be loved. I've learned that never works out and tends to put you in the doormat position. If you stay there out of desperation to be loved, it's really your own fault if you are unhappy. If you don't end up a doormat you can also really hurt someone by taking their love without really loving them back. I think when I was younger, I probably messed up decent relationships but constantly worrying about whether they loved me enough as opposed to making sure that things were balanced. It took me getting into a ltr with a really bad guy, for me to get perspective on love. Now I know that there are worse things than being alone and life is too short to be unhappy!!

fieriluci

Joined: 10/21/2005

Msg: 109 (view)

The age of the wuss: the sad slump of North American men Posted: 11/4/2005 6:35:58 PM
I think that men have been playing dumb to get out of doing "women's" work, that it has bled over into other issues. Now that women have to do "men's" work too, the power shifts. Women are suddenly twice as capable as men. Men are encouraged to hang on to irresponsible adolescent behavior for as long as possible and women must strive to retain teenage looks while taking over the duties of a mother. He's a fumbling goof and She's a hottie with the tongue of a shrew.

fieriluci

Joined: 10/21/2005

Msg: 20 (view)

I dont know what to do Posted: 11/4/2005 6:00:13 PM
^^^^^^^ I second that!!!!

fieriluci

Joined: 10/21/2005

Msg: 16 (view)

I dont know what to do Posted: 11/4/2005 3:56:33 PM
Tiffhoney- I finally got out of an 8 year relationship with a man who was emotionally and then later physically abusive. I like you was miserable with and without him. He wasn't a redneck or a thug or anything like the stereotype of a wife beater, but that is what he became. When the relationship began, I thought that I deserved the things he said and did. I didn't have a super high self-esteem and tried to look at his insults "objectively," and worked like a dog to improve upon my seemingly numerous flaws. When he would kick me under the table or pinch my arm, hard enough to bruise and break skin, when we were out, he was just embarrassed because I must have been acting "disrespectful" or "acting like a slut", or acting "white trash." I thought that he was somehow intrinsically better than I was and I was probably doing whatever he accused me of. I was passionately in love with this man. He was smart, attractive, witty, and artistic. Eventually I married him. The thing was...after he got away with the little things, he escalated. The longer I stayed with him, the more complicated everything became. I worked harder and harder for his approval. Eventually I found myself working fulltime plus OT to support us. Not only that, I was responsible for all of the domestic chores, bills, housework, laundry, cooking. He demanded that I prepare him full meals for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I also took care of the business side of his "projects," a magazine and also a glorified handyman business. Of course, most of his time was spent in local bars "networking" while I was slaving away. No matter what I did, it could potentially incite his rage. I learned to anticipate and avoid his triggers but there was nothing I could do about it if someone or something else set him off. I became the punching bag. I am an educated, professional woman, with pretty good sense overall, but I had to go to work with black eyes and busted lips and a broken nose and lie to my coworkers and bosses about what had happened each time.Over time I made so many improvements to myself, that I could see him for what he was, a selfish, insecure, bully. Finally, he called me a white trash slut for the last time and I left him. It took me two more years and a great deal of money to finally be free of him. I'm still dealing with the scars. Tiffhoney-Please listen to what I and most everyone else on here is saying. It does not get better. This person is using you to make himself feel better. You are letting him lessen your self worth and you must stop. Regardless of whether or not you feel lost without him, you are certainly lost with him. He is demonstrating his contempt and lack of regard for you. Find other things to do. Volunteer at a domestic violence shelter. Take classes in something you like to do. You need to build up your own seperate identity. Do this and you will find that he will either step up or dissappear.

fieriluci

Joined: 10/21/2005

Msg: 21 (view)

adivse on long distance relationships Posted: 11/3/2005 11:07:43 AM
It is NEVER a good idea to allow yourself to be so dependant in such a vulnerable situation. New relationships have their own issues and by handling it this way you are putting unnecessary strain on it and potentially (and likely) dooming it to failure. Wouldn't you want a new relationship to see you as a strong and independant person as opposed to someone who is needy and doesn't take care of themselves? It isn't as easy, immediate, or fun, but the only smart way to handle this move is if you save up some money, enough to pay your living expenses in case it doesn't work out with this guy and get a job BEFORE you go. I've been where you are and it rarely works out.

fieriluci

Joined: 10/21/2005

Msg: 7 (view)

is it creepy to... Posted: 11/1/2005 6:10:01 PM
It never struck me as creepy, I just figured it was flattering. Maybe the person just sn't brave enough to email you yet but didn't want to accidentally forget what your screenname was while they were working up the nerve? I am not yet really comfortable with people emailing me yet, and am still in the process of trying to answer the ones I've gotten so far. But I take it as a compliment when someone aknowledges me in a positive way. I'm just glad there isn't a "Least-Liked" category!

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