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Thread: do you stay out off other peoples live,marridge

Joined: 10/4/2008

Msg: 26 (view)

do you stay out off other peoples live,marridge Posted: 6/5/2009 8:11:33 AM
first of all, englich is not my first languadge. the story is true!!! i did not ask for advice on what to do, i wanted to know how someone else would have handled the situation. as to him, he is not violent,rather a controling person. he admitted everything she told me!,in the presents of my ,then, wife. and i have not told you guys everything because you would not have believed it! would she have taken her own life,i doubt it,but she said it many times,it would be a way out! but still,if she would have done it,i would feel that i could have stopped it. his biggest problem was,that she told someone about a situation that he wanted to keep hidden from everybody.as she has done it once,the fear of her doing it again,made him losen his grip on her.she joint a bookclub,has a girlfriend coming over once a week, and he is gone most evenings. sorry if i wasted someones time but do you know what goes on behind closed doors??? and pardon the typos,i use one finger:):)

Joined: 10/4/2008

Msg: 21 (view)

do you stay out off other peoples live,marridge Posted: 6/3/2009 6:28:02 PM
there is a happy ending to my story! she now decides what is ok and knows how to say NO! we are still best friends and talk once a month.her life is a lot better,her kids are doing well in school,he is going somewhere else to get his fix. as long he uses protection she is ok with it. no meds for 2 years(i am proud of her) i am lucky i did not turn this into a drama! would not do it again!!!!!!! i could have done more damadge than good.

Joined: 10/4/2008

Msg: 20 (view)

do you stay out off other peoples live,marridge Posted: 6/3/2009 6:45:42 AM
sorry if i gave the impression i would do the same again. i learned my lesson! i would not want to get my head stuck again. thanks everybody

Joined: 10/4/2008

Msg: 17 (view)

do you stay out off other peoples live,marridge Posted: 6/3/2009 6:04:33 AM
thanks for so many different opinions . i gave her several ideas to deal with her situation, there is no reason to be on this meds if you know the problem,get writt of it i will arange for a layer if you need one talk to your priest about it start with writing everything down,his mental games,to make you do what he wants, open a bankacount he is a controlfreak,needs to know everything about who she talks to,where she goes.... she has to buy everything with a creditcard,so he can see where she was and how long it took her to get from store to store. in many eyes i have done the wrong thing,but i cannot be in the same room with a person like him,a coward who seems to distroy a human beeing,even so he is not physical abusiff.how can he go to church every sunday without the fear of being struck by a lightningbolt coming from g o d. she knows,me and my x-wife are there if she needs help. you can lead a horse to........ would i do it again???i will always help the ones who cannot help themselfes but they have to decide what is best for them!

Joined: 10/4/2008

Msg: 8 (view)

do you stay out off other peoples live,marridge Posted: 6/2/2009 9:11:50 PM
looks like my question is alowed to stay! the reaktion of your well apreciated coments is: leave it to someone else to deal with! i did take the matter in my own hand and chosed to have a man on man talk with my "buddy"without her permission.(and the bat) result:him crying(fake)about not knowing he hurt her. her,not talking to me for 2 month. she is of the meds,has somewhat of a backbone(she jelled at me),will do anything for the future of the kids(university.....)he makes an obseen amount of money selling oxycontan(the shi t every kid is hooked onto) he asked for my help,to be a better husband(fake),she got her first cart(greating) ever from him(i selected and payed for it)2 month down the road,he opted it was easier to break up all contact with me and go back to his old habbits! she is now not allowed to speak,look,or have any contact with me. by the way,i renovated there house for free,build the fence,patio.........just as a friend would do.when all the work was done,he decidet it was time,not to be friends anymore. i still have the bat:):)

Joined: 10/4/2008

Msg: 5 (view)

do you stay out off other peoples live,marridge Posted: 6/2/2009 8:00:48 PM
i see,my posting is about to be deleeted,i dont know wy!!! so,please vote to have it stay!

Joined: 10/4/2008

Msg: 1 (view)

do you stay out off other peoples live,marridge Posted: 6/2/2009 6:03:31 PM
here is the deal, you have a new neighbour move in,see them the first time,make contact,seem like great people. they have little kids,you have a pool,you invite them to use it. one year later,you spent new years togethere(13 year agedifferents) three more years of being together dayly,pool,hottub,birthdays........... here comes the problem:guy-guy friendship(girl-girl)does not happen,guy-girl friendship deepends.4years into being one family,neighbours wife opens up and starts telling the truce about the deal with her husband,being forced to sex dayly,threadend with losing the kids if she does not obey.turns out he put her on antisuicidal meds so she can handle his sick lust for sex.(he sells farmasuticles) the first impression of him,lucky guy,gets it everyday,twice a day.but at what cost??? the meds knock the sh.it out of her body,no backbone,fear of losing the kids if she does not do as he wants. his line:if i dont get sex every morning,i will have to think about it all day and cannot do my job to provide a good life for the children!!! what do you do???turn away or take a baseballbat and have a friendly talk with him????

Joined: 10/4/2008

Msg: 12 (view)

Sexual Banter...Drawbacks? Profiencies? Posted: 6/1/2009 1:19:49 PM
thanks buzz i guess i needed to know that i am not alone in being a newcommer to forums. ich koennte euch ein liedchen vorsingen in meiner mutter sprache:):):) you encourage me to try it again

Joined: 10/4/2008

Msg: 9 (view)

Sexual Banter...Drawbacks? Profiencies? Posted: 6/1/2009 10:21:50 AM
i have to agree with whytwater! i came here to learn about other peoples experiance and thoughts. so,i have put a post in the wrong spot,big deal! i did not need to be insulted or my abilities questioned. yes i do typos,englich is not my first languadge. i typ with one finger,to bad. i have a mastersdegree,so i am not dumm! if a person stutters,is he not to voice his opinion without being made fun off?? i am now mostly reading and obseving.

Joined: 10/4/2008

Msg: 20 (view)

do you dare ask a woman about the big O Posted: 5/27/2009 11:16:26 AM
i dont know why you try to find out about my abilities, let me give you some info about the female body. there are no nervendings for plesure,past 2" of penetration, and i am letting the g-spot out of this!there are 3 types of orgasms,not all the same but some are never to be obtainend by all weman,due to a lot of reasons! emotions are a big roleplayer in the capability of reaching any type of satisfaction. some weman like quicky's,others need alot of foreplay to get to the point of being in a position of the ultimate ending. i can draw you a picture if it will help you. i would have been more specific in my posting but there was a 10 word limit. and over your hints about my atonomy and abilities make just smile!! who sitz in the glashouse schould not through stones:):):)

Joined: 10/4/2008

Msg: 14 (view)

do you dare ask a woman about the big O Posted: 5/27/2009 10:15:03 AM
yes we are still dating, and the quest..was about the capability,and not how fast she gets there. and no,we have not....(i can wait.) and i did not know there was a sex-forum!! what door have i opened now,but thats the point of a forum,to get peoples input.

Joined: 10/4/2008

Msg: 8 (view)

do you dare ask a woman about the big O Posted: 5/27/2009 9:58:55 AM
silent steel, it is not the sice,its what you can do with it. and rearly does a woman have an o..during interc...! (unless there are someones fingers involwed.) i hope the ladies will agree.

Joined: 10/4/2008

Msg: 7 (view)

do you dare ask a woman about the big O Posted: 5/27/2009 9:55:31 AM
i had a date ask me if i like sex,so i think it is not so an unusual question. and no,i dont ask that on the first date. i agree with,there must be a certan level of comfort,like the conversation leading to the assumption that the other person is openminded to the subject. but i figuert,after 3 hours in the hottub and a couple of glases(make that bottles)of wine,i could venture there.i got a strait answer including details. so are we both nuts?? and to you girls,who would start a relationship,knowing the guy cant perform(if he was honest enoughf to disclose that info???

Joined: 10/4/2008

Msg: 1 (view)

do you dare ask a woman about the big O Posted: 5/27/2009 9:16:00 AM
since i am dating again,and my X was capable of having multible O,s i would not want to date a woman who is dead down there. so is it ok to ask the question at some point bevore getting to deep into a date? i would not have asked that question 35 years ago,but at 50,is it not normal,not to beat around the bush??

Joined: 10/4/2008

Msg: 25 (view)

Some help me make sence of this Posted: 5/26/2009 3:11:48 PM
LET IT GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it must be painfull to share you dayly happenings with all of us here, actualy,you need someone to slap you !wake up!!!!!!! been there done that, it cost me a finger,which i cut off to prove my love to a girl!what an idiot i was!!!!!!! love makes blind!!!!! she is enjoing the fact that you think you are in love with her and would do anything to be with her! SHE IS A USER delete her number,block her out of your phone,go on vacation,move to a relatives house for the summer,RUN!!!! if you need someone to talk some sence into you,i give you my number!!!! i have been where you are,sure it takes some time,but trust me it will pass. the weird feeling in your stomig,not being able to eat,sleep,think strait,crying while just thinking of her.........SHAKE IT OFF!!! just the thought of someone else toughing her,giving her a massage....bla bla bla. its good to have feelings but at your age,just notsch it off as a lesson learned. heads up,the sun will shine again!

Joined: 10/4/2008

Msg: 67 (view)

I feel like I've lost my soul Posted: 5/26/2009 2:45:51 PM
this is interesting!! reading your provile,it would be someone who is a happy go lucky person. if you are in so much pain,you should not be looking for a new dude! maybe he cought you being on the net looking,something smells! almost thought he has a girlfriend on the side and is dumping you for a junger model. and what means"he left us"are ther kids?? at first glance i was thinking"what an idiot to leave you,you look like a 9 on the "babescale".if you loved him with all your hard and soul, he is leaving what we all dream off!! if i am out of line,i am sorry! but it looks like you are looking for sympaty and it is as usual the guys falt! "i dont know what happened,he just left me for no reason" if you want advice,start with telling it the way it is. maybe with:i made a horroble mistake and am going to lose my husband over it! '

Joined: 10/4/2008

Msg: 9 (view)

how to find a new best friend and partner at 50 Posted: 5/26/2009 2:15:42 PM
that are well spocken words,but the reality is,"who can you trust?? at 50 i am not looking for a virgin or a girl with no past!!! in the good old days there was plenty to chose from with little or no bagadge. we are now all wounded in one way or another.i also have a past but i try to look into the future!!a new begining should be just that!! where do you draw the line?? what are we looking for,a ferrytale?? i will just speak for myself now: i like to:fish,make wine,eat seafood,love gardening,watch movies,cuddle,hottub,formula 1,cooking,motorbikes and boats. i hate the thought of raising more kids,lying,not being apreciated,having no sexlive... now the girl i mett: loves fishing,likes my wine,cant wait to raid my garden,likes horrowmovies,i know she likes to cuddle:):):) does not cook,has a bikelicense,is a divinginstructer,has no kids, wants a sexlife,has 2 dogs,forgot she loves the tub:):)cant wait to have the mussels i make............BUT WAS MARRIED "3" TIMES AND I ALWAYS WILL COMPARE HER TO MY X she never liked anything i was interested in!

Joined: 10/4/2008

Msg: 13 (view)

Bloody knuckles Posted: 5/26/2009 10:09:33 AM
wecome to the dating game! i have benn looking around since 6 month,got exited about all the weman looking for romance.BS the once with long proviles like to talk about themselfs and just want the satisfaction of gettting mail without having any intensions!you insulted her,thats the only reason she replyed,how dare you:):):) look for the mailing restrictions,dont even bother if it says: must live in usa(canada)....who are they kidding,they dont want to meet anybody! even,must live within 70miles........who is going to drive that distance,are they willing to relocate???? check out:are on the favorit list of168guys.......they just want the trophy to be populare dont write to a none-smoker,if you smoke!!!! ly about your drinking-habits!!!!..its usualy that we drink because ofTHEM!!! never got a date from this side,so i went to lavalive,it costs you some money,but so what,if weman have to pay to be on there,they must be realy looking!! had 3 dates from there,with a fraction of the mail i send from this side here. be HONEST,you will find someone that is looking for NO bs from a guy!! be friendly,dont let your fustration out on your mail. keep your mail not to short,not to long,coment on something in there provile,it means you actualy reat it!!!!!!!! ask for a return-mail,even just to say"thanks,but you are not what i am looking for" IT WORKS!!!!!i got lots of them:):):),but it makes it easier to know they took the time to mail you!!....there are some ladys out there as confused as you! hope i helped you

Joined: 10/4/2008

Msg: 17 (view)

can a relatoinship be without sex Posted: 5/26/2009 9:31:09 AM
what makes you stay?? with me it was the kids! and i was not cut off completly,4 times a year was enoughf for her.if i wanted it or not! but does a man ever say no????? i even turned it down,when told"ok,then lets do it and get it done and over with" she knew i did not want it that way. and think about it,if she meets someone,will she tell him there will be no sex??? hell no ,it would be everyday,twice a day in the begginning till the "new" wears of. and not cheating while cut off,makes you a good and admirable person!!!! but your x knowing you would not go there,made it easy to punish you,without fear of losing the one taking care of the bills!!!! i am sick of hearing"my husband left me for another woman because she is junger and wants sex,i was good enoughf to raise his children,what an a-hole" now they dont know how to live alone,even they pushed there X,s into the decision of being unhappy for ever or start over again. thanks for your input

Joined: 10/4/2008

Msg: 7 (view)

how to find a new best friend and partner at 50 Posted: 5/26/2009 9:14:51 AM
havent used a rubber in 35 years,hope they come with instrustions:):) i did not ask her about it,she just does not talk about the multy-X's. that can be a bonus,because most weman do .so, du i realy want to know details,or do i wait till she opens up about it?? it could be that she just picked the wrong typ of man! what thew heck,i just go with the flow!! thanks for your input,dating sure is a learning process at 50. would love to know about others and there jump into the datinggame. ps:mett her on lavalive,she just lives 6 blocks away,since i limited the surch to 5 km.

Joined: 10/4/2008

Msg: 5 (view)

how to find a new best friend and partner at 50 Posted: 5/26/2009 7:47:47 AM
if your date brings up other weman in the first hour of meeting,it is possible that he wants you to think he is alll that and you better hurry to grab him. i cought myself mentioning my X on the last date and imediatly appologised for it. the girl told me that she was married 3 times(at 44) and did not talk about it since. do i have reasons to believe,there is something wrong with her?? she does have simular interests,likes the same food,movies,laughfs alot,is fun(sofar)to be with...... BUT,all my friends tell me to run!! i will see her again,she waited 7 month to make it possible for us to meet. maby she was seeing so many guys that she put me on the waiting list:):):) being told by her,we should take it slow,makes me wonder how she got married 3 times,if she did not rush into things!! and what is the meaning of "slow",we spent 3 hours (and some wine)in my hottub on the second date!! some of you weman better give me advice on how to handle this!

Joined: 10/4/2008

Msg: 15 (view)

can a relatoinship be without sex Posted: 5/26/2009 6:59:03 AM
to be realistic, you are wishdreaming! if sex is the glue what holds the marrige together,your version is made 70% out of glue! try to build a piece of furniture(or a relationship)without stable pieces just relying on the glue,you end up with a mess!! you mide as well call it "friends with benefits,not a marridge. what would be your other 30%??her washing your close and cook,clean for you?? give it some thought

Joined: 10/4/2008

Msg: 1 (view)

how to find a new best friend and partner at 50 Posted: 5/25/2009 6:01:54 PM
is it possible that there is a person out there,to start a new life with at 50? it seems that most weman are demadged goods after they got dumbed or left there partners.they always talk about theX and what he did.looks we have to take the punishment they had no time or guts to inflickt on there badX.soon you bring up a few things,like :i love to go fishing,here comes the :my X went all the time and left me alone with the housework and the kids" guess there goes that hobby if i want to get to know her better.so it seems you either listen to them first about all the things the jerk did or not,and try to avoid to to the same,OR,hope that the woman sees you for what you are and does not keep om comparing you to theX. dont take the bagadge to your dates.it only scares good people away.

Joined: 10/4/2008

Msg: 12 (view)

can a relatoinship be without sex Posted: 5/25/2009 2:04:23 PM
that was my point when i asked to split up, we both have a wright to be happy,if not with each other,than withh someone else.live is to short to be misserable!! just to see the womans point of the subject,mett a girl,who,after the second date (hottub)made the statement,that a woman in a relationship has the right to have sex 5 times a week:):):)she used too send her X to the stripjoint so he gets in the mood!!!! i did not start an argument about her desires,i would be a fool. but we have to get to be friends first,so i am not rushing anything. will go now for a bikeride with the X,yes we are friends again after all the bs with the layers.we still have 2 boys together and its best to be on good terms.did not ride a bike in 35 years,but enjoy doing something for my health,and hers. i want to thank all of you for your input,i feel normal in my wishes for live and my desire to be happy.we all deserve it and it makes you wake up in the morning with a smile. i am still alone but have a bunch of female friends who think i am a goood guy.

Joined: 10/4/2008

Msg: 10 (view)

can a relatoinship be without sex Posted: 5/25/2009 11:42:06 AM
not funny,but i will answer anyway. she actually had as many as 20 in one shot during llistening to her favorite song! i know,i was watching! there are weman that can get from one to another within seconds. and yes,i did my share off making her have as much plesure as i could give her. so 5 times befor i even took my close off was comon.

Joined: 10/4/2008

Msg: 24 (view)

Stunned & Blindsided Posted: 5/25/2009 11:36:45 AM
if she seems happier,it could just be a coverup of her feelings. my (still)wife told me how great it is in her new place,all the new furniture,the peace and quiet,no messs of the kids and me to clean up........... i still helped out with painting,moving and fixing stuff. one day while there for dinner(repayment for al my help) she broke down krying,that she is so lonly every night and just sits on the PC to pass time. nobody comes to visit,not even the kids and she is glad that i am there. so, my point is,if you still love her,try to spend some less time jeeping and more time with her(unless she likes the sport too) treat her as you would treat a new date,invite her(just her)to that picnic on the beach! i know i still love my X and she loves me,we just cannot live together(for now) nobody can see into the future. if she is a 7 on a scale of 10,go after her because there is NO 10. that goes for her too.

Joined: 10/4/2008

Msg: 8 (view)

can a relatoinship be without sex Posted: 5/25/2009 11:17:59 AM
you should know a bit more of the facts which let to us being together for 35 years. we dated and broke up 20 times in the first 10 years,her having otherboyfriends(not many)and me seeing other girls.at one time,when we where appart,she discovered,that she was pregnant and i did the so called wright thing and married her.i did not want to have kids without having a secure future,but it was her decision to get pregnant(just stop the pill,but told me) so,we both know that we never comunicated well,or at all.she stored all her anger and problems inside herself,punishing me with cutting off sex,rather than talking. maybe i was not a good listener,but when iasked what is wrong,i got the usualy"nothing"!so we wasted not all of our life with being unhappy,there was many years of being glad we have the 2 boys and each other. money was one reason she was not happy and she let me know by klamping her knees together. than you get to hear things like"i would love to have sex,just not with you,or "i am not drunk enoughf to sleep with you". add that to:you snore,you breath to loud,you click in your throat when you sleep......... rather than beeing kicked out of the bedroom in the middle of the night,i opted to sleep on the couch downstairs.i was working 70 hours a week and needed my sleep. all that left us with little time to be with each other the way it should be! she got used to doing it herself and not wanting doing it together,even so,when it happened,it was hours of pleasing each other,because we knew what the other person wants. i was not intending to lay it all out in the open,when i posted this question, but need to know if i was so wrong with my needs for cuddling and just holing each other. i wellkome any sugestions as long as they are not made with ignorance. you dont know what you had unless you lost it.that goes for both of us!

Joined: 10/4/2008

Msg: 11 (view)

Stunned & Blindsided Posted: 5/24/2009 7:30:43 PM
hi lori, i told her for 10 years about my unhappyness(slept on the couch because i was sick off being rejected)staid for the sake of the boys,came mysellf from a brocken home, did not want the kids to live it. she said,she never thought i would actualy "do it" the boys live with me,by choice and dont visit her(2 min away) she only sees them,when she comes to do her(our)washing. i do most of my close myself. and i did not have an affair!! being on a datingside is the first normal action to see if it is you who is not normal to have contact again with the other sex.to bad there is so many wemon on them,who are worth then the one you just left. we all want to be happy!

Joined: 10/4/2008

Msg: 9 (view)

Stunned & Blindsided Posted: 5/24/2009 7:10:23 PM
i just did the same thing in reverse. samelong married and wanted out.it has nothing to do with an affair,trust me. after the hurting each other,the ratrace for who has the first date,checking on each others evening-whereabouts,it took a few month to start talking to each other about what went wrong. seperation can be a good thing,either to make the split final or trying to "date again" we have our own places(she moved out to an apartmment)she can tell me to leave at anytime and i can go when i feel like there is no reason to be there. we are probably done,but ride bikes 3 times a week(if we want to)she invites me for supper.......all without the kids and the dayly problems we had being married! it will hurt bevor it gets better! i was told to see a shrink,having the midlife.....,and for what??? wanting to feel loved,huged,kissed....without a price attatched to it,cannot be upnormal,or is it?? give it some time and help out when asked(dont forget to offer it) go out for dinner,a walk....... time will tell.it takes two ,to make or breake it. we are now legaly seperated,she got paid out the half-of -everything,and asked me,not to file for the devorse"jet" but we know both that it probably will not be a happy ending. but then again....................

Joined: 10/4/2008

Msg: 1 (view)

can a relatoinship be without sex Posted: 5/24/2009 1:27:24 PM
i belief that a woman has the option to say : "NO" i never took,what was not freely given to me! but for a woman to use sex as a tool to get what she wants,cannot be ok!! just ended a 25 year marridge because of the none ,or seldom, having sex. dont get this wrong,sex was great when it happened,but got canceled for any reason, like not bringing the gar**** out when she wanted it,or just for no reason at all. having to do a list of shores,just to get a kiss,topt it all off. how can a woman have 15 orgasams in half an hour and then dont want to do it again for a month??? when i turned 50,i asked for a divorse,because there must be more to live than having seperate livingrooms,bedrooms,eatinghabits,interests and sexdrive! stayed in this for the sake of the kids,who are 27 and 23 now,living with me and telling me,that i did not do them a favour by staying with there mom till they are grown up. please,i like to hear from you weman,if i did something wrong,by asking for the maybe 2 or 3 times a week of making each other feel good and enjoing eachothers company. allready had x-mass twice without sex inbetween and still hung in there!!

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