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Tammy the Cat

Joined: 10/17/2008

Msg: 13 (view)

what to do Posted: 7/29/2009 9:47:32 AM
Forget it,forget her>Unfortunately this is not possible.You are responsible for a new life an will be hit for child support anyway.Having a borderline personality disorder does not help with your sarcastic comments,only inflamming things.Why did she attack you,any event or reason.Any difficulties between you both prior to this in the relationship?A trigger?Is this a correct diagnosis?She is with her parents an probably has their support.Maybe you need to start to document,record any interaction between you both for possible future reference.Get some legal advice from an appropriate specialised lawyer an learn all you can about this disorder an how best to handle it/your dealings with her-best approach to deal with her.Learn to develop your patience an keep your cool.A smooth,neutral friendly even toned approach by you in manner,attitude,you keeping your cool,lid on temper temptations ,sarcastic responses etc...Nothing here will be very easy to deal with.Paternity test-up to you.Get some sound advise first but do not stalk her either in trying to gain access to the baby.That will go aginst you.No matter what you want,you cannot force your company on her if she doesnt want it.Not much good if you get an order against you for contact either.Hostility between you both wont help the baby either.Get advice on your options firstly,but do not do anything to give her fuel to use against yourself in regards to child access .Be careful.As for full custody,see what options you are presented with firstly.Proving unfitness can be very hard unless you have medical backing,when child welfare agency get involved it can get messy.Her parents backing wont help you there.Learn all you can now,including the workings of child maitanence formula payments so you know where you stand/no nasty surprises i mean.Resentment wont help you much.Good luck but do not let this consume you-you still have a life to live an a right for future happiness with someone.Watch your choice next time an dont rush for kids.Spend time buildind solid foundations firstly.

Tammy the Cat

Joined: 10/17/2008

Msg: 29 (view)

for long term !! Posted: 7/29/2009 8:13:30 AM
Honesty/this is relatively questionable anyway.We carry degrees of honesty only.No one is perfect an we all lie at some stage in our lives to a loved one.Whether it be a white lie,or we think we are protecting,sparing etc..,for self preservation,convenience,avoid a fight,its the motive /reason,an what the lie is. Sense of Humour/this we need for relaxation or defusing situations.Who wants to be with someone who is serious 24h/7days a week.You'd go nuts.Intellectual Chemistry/stimulation in continued communication for continued interaction.Needed.Physical Attraction/some is needed.Everyone is different an different tastes apply.A couple in their 70/80 when the benefits of youth are long gone,what then?Plenty wrinkles,grey or no hair,infirmity,etc....whats the attraction then?Maybe more deeper-spiritual closeness.Great Sex/important to some but relative.Would you dump your partner if they wound up in a wheel chair,or ill health an couldnt,low drive-but showed feelings,genuine caring in other ways via their daily actions(i dont mean through buying things).Lots other types closeness cuddling,kissing etc...Financial Independance/what happens if the person went through a bad patch,had been ill,earthquake,fire,other causes an lost everything except the clothes on their back.Dont they deserve a chance ?Maybe once they had been but things happen that can change lives forever in an instant.People now,loosing jobs,homes,their beds sleeping in tents as thats the best they can do for now.Good Heart/critical-this helps define who they are an how they interact with others. Maybe its the sex an financial independance then.You get with someone,you change direction an work together to achieve financial independance for you both,,jointly.

Tammy the Cat

Joined: 10/17/2008

Msg: 16 (view)

confused about relationships Posted: 7/29/2009 6:25:08 AM
OP/he is a lost soul.He must have some strength of charactor to be clean for 7 years.He hasnt found any purpose in life,to create direction,or have any drive,incentive to try anything.Does he even want to work or better himself from some type of training.Living longterm with this senario is extremely difficult an would wear you down anyway.Go find yourself someone who works or has goals,or is trying to improve themselves via some form training or education.You might just get a more stable soul then.

Tammy the Cat

Joined: 10/17/2008

Msg: 10 (view)

He Doesnt Have Alot of Time Anymore Posted: 7/29/2009 6:02:14 AM
OP/there are many forms of communication for any relationship.Just how far has this relationship evolved in a personal way?Not for us to know though thanks.You arent sleeping with him once a week?He is working more an going to move.Offer to help him pack,even if only non personal stuff.Is he still communicating by text or email or odd quick phone call?Please dont come across as needy now.How is his demeanure towards you now?Still a loving,caring attitude in your presence or has he backed away an now a bit cooler or less personal now?Seriously for benefit of doubt,give him a bit of space for a while to finish his move(offer to help though,you get spend time together).When finished moving,quietly see what happens with his visiting level an communication level towards you,this dont change,you both need to communicate more to see what happening,to balance out contentment levels an needs of you both.Do you both wish to be in an exclusive relationship or does he see you more as a very good friend?Similar wish list.Some compromise might be needed.What type work does he do?How much overall pressure is he under at present,to curtail time spent together?Its pretty hard trying to find time to pack if you are working longer hours.You can always send occasional text,hi.thinking of you an hope you having a good day.next time,hi,thinking of you,miss you.hi,anything i can do to help you out?Offer to give him a neck an shoulder massage sometime if he feels stresssed,tense.Offer to cook him a meal sometime after work so he doesnt have to,will see one another for short visit,better than nothing.Get creative about how address lack of contact,but in a helpful way to him.

Tammy the Cat

Joined: 10/17/2008

Msg: 17 (view)

So... why did it tick me off so bad? Posted: 7/29/2009 5:15:56 AM
OP we are all guilty of telling 'porkys' at sometime in our lives.How many times can you remember telling a white lie or exaggerating the truth a little?This does not mean I condone it though.Just what did he lie about an how much?What the reason?Try make himself out to be more interesting?He must have had a guilty conscious to fess up!If you pair only chatting in first place an he is not on important list,do you still want to keep in touch?Maybe you should send him a cript note with you decision an sternly suggest next time he chats to someone not to include lies if he wants continued communication/does he enjoy people lying to him.After that just block him if not.Follow your own gut instinct,conscious as a guide.No one else can answer for you.Ask yourself,just what will you accept or not accept rfrom anyone you are aquainted with,regardless of the type of relationship.Answer that,you will know what to do.Happy Birthday,anyway

tammy the cat

Joined: 10/17/2008

Msg: 2 (view)

Opinion Needed Posted: 5/23/2009 12:05:19 AM
OP/does this make you feel uncomfortable?Is this girl a friend only or girlfriend?Sounds a tad obsessive ,smothering or needy.Maybe this girl cares for you very deeply.A bit imature in developmental stage /experience.Just for how long been going on?Maybe you need to say something if you feel uncomfortable.

tammy the cat

Joined: 10/17/2008

Msg: 27 (view)

She's Married Posted: 5/22/2009 11:30:51 PM
OP/this situation as you state is definitely not healthy for you.No one can give you the right or wrong answer,only advice from experience.I checked out your profile,you have children.How often do you see her an does she have any children from the marriage?Any longterm reason for her to stay in touch with the x?Divorce,can she afford one an is she over her x?You are as old as my son.As long as you are fixed on her,no other relationship will ever work for you anyway.You are not doing any other women a favour by dating them as long as you carry a torch for this lady.You are bursting at the seams now with conflicting emotion.Leave the 'marriage' issue aside for now.You need to make a choice an stick to it.Either continue to be 'her friend platonically' or sit down an have an open an honest discussion with her over your feeling issues.This can either break the friendship or at least you will find out where you stand.Chances are you wont like the outcome,but you never know either until you talk.Either way you have to respect her response be it in your favour or not.Stating how you feel about her but also responding to your belief in sincere friendship an not crossing any boundaries that may be set up in the future.Staying in a place like this isnt good for you emotionally an voids any chance of a real relationship anyway.You need to sort this out an either move on an get over her with time before dating others or try for a relationship if you are her type.Sorry there is no guaratee of a good outcome but you need to be honest with yourself an her.What happens if she gets involved elsewhere or is still fond of the x?What will you do then cause you hung around as a friend for so long?Why dont you just ask her out sometime on a low key date or outing here an there an see where it goes.Have a low key chat sometime about beliefs,dating,interest in other people,general feelings etc..never know what comes out in the end.To stay as you are now wll lead to bad feelings in the end,mixed signals probably an stress etc.. for you.How do you know that she doesnt like you anyway.she an hubby have been split for how long now?Always take things slowly an gently.Just be open an honest an not demanding.She has known you long enough to know if there is any chance of a relationship other than friendship with you is possible.She might care for you but is still not ready for another relationship.Talk,communicate an see whats what.Any relationship involvement would only be if it was totally finished between herself an her hubby permanently.

tammy the cat

Joined: 10/17/2008

Msg: 51 (view)

Agree to disagree or... Posted: 5/22/2009 10:19:24 PM
Everyone is an individual an different.As we journey through life,our motives for seeking out relationships can vary greatly.Depending on where we are at a given point in time,who we are seeking out /or attracted to at the time can vary greatly.If your last partner cheated on you,chances are you are seeking a straight player.If your last partner was borish ,overbearing etc.... you would be seeking a better attitude next time.The way we were raised (socio background,history),our core beliefs,attitudes instilled into us by parents,relatives,friends,life experiences/events,our own personalities,other outside influences plus others not mentioned all play their part in making a choice.Some like minded people are successful,also some very opposites are to.Core beliefs,similar tastes,amount of giving an taking,learning how to handle each other(not always pushing wrong buttons mean)genuine affection an caring for each other with welfare etc.....Just what are you looking for at the time?Similarity on major core things,beliefs etc....?Some attraction on physical side also ?

tammy the cat

Joined: 10/17/2008

Msg: 26 (view)

Cant stant doggs.. Posted: 5/22/2009 9:53:54 PM
OP/if you have a preference for no dogs/animals,then add a polite paragraph to your profile, on what you do/dont prefer,an anything (if other type of animal )is ok.If you like to travel for instance an dont wont to be tied down by animals.Be friendly an polite so you dont come across with a bad attitude though,scaring people away.You are entitled to your own choice,seek people with similar preferences.This comes from an animal lover.good luck.

tammy the cat

Joined: 10/17/2008

Msg: 89 (view)

..legal..tight...BOX? waaaaa Posted: 5/1/2009 7:29:12 AM
The 'WHOLE' person,is inclusive of their charactor,beliefs,forever changing physcial appearance,as well as all the good an bad points.(yeah a lot more can be included/very complex makeup-the whole person.)If the view of this guy is to say her snatch is all she has going,then whats his genious drawcard???????????Whats he going to be like in his 60s looking for another tight snatch???Does this show a great deal of respect for OP?The OP stated she didnt want kids,thats at least is honesty upfront/no run around getting pregnat just to trap a man etc....or welfare bludger.(you know 1/2 doz kids for welfare cheque.)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!A partner we are most intimate with,sharing life experiences in all aspects.To have a relative successful longterm Ltr survive is very lucky these days,an envied by a lot of people.This is what most of us are striving to find.Do you guys want to be told,you only useful for you d....k? or your money earning capacity?Wouldnt you want to be wanted for who you are,whether you have a big........or small ......?Its only part of the package.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Maybe OP you need to find someone with more similar views to your own that at least treat you in a more respectful manner. Do you desert someone you are in a relationship with if something happens to them?If the OP had an accident an her ...... wasnt tight anymore,does this mean she is totally worthless to men then altogether???????????How little we value each other these days.....................

tammy the cat

Joined: 10/17/2008

Msg: 82 (view)

..legal..tight...BOX? waaaaa Posted: 5/1/2009 3:05:08 AM
OP/HOW ABOUT 'YOU'/THE WHOLE PERSON/ that is what you have to offer to a committed relationship!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Children are a wonderful bonus.Yeah a legal tight Box is fantastic for the guy,but your fella falls drastically short via his interpretation of what your total 'worth' is.Dont you feel you are worth more than that description??????????????????I know what i would say to do with your fella,but thats up to you.He needs an attitude change very quickly!!!!!!!!!!!!!Its all in the attitude!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Find someone who will respect you properly,OP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

tammy the cat

Joined: 10/17/2008

Msg: 8 (view)

Friends or what? Posted: 5/1/2009 2:14:50 AM
OP/i have a close male platonic friend for over 30 years.We might not speak for 12 months,but it doesnt affect our relationship.We can tell each other our darkest secrets an know that knowledge is safe . There is no fear by me of him crossing the boundaries as i know that wont happen (yes he is a normal male in all aspects).He is 'old school',not perfect,just a normal human being,like the rest of us.If you need help,he is there if available(not interstate etc....). These guys are out there,just make sure they carry 'old school' beliefs,an know how to differentiate between LTR an platonic friendship. Why not check guys out on here,are some around in relationships,looking for friends//ones who honest enough to admit it on their profiles.They also state that their SO knows they are on here an its fine by them.They are looking for friendship,not LTR./friends with benefits etc....OP/any new friends,set up boundaries that have to be stuck to.True friendship takes a long time to build,an you are worth being respected from word go.Any change in future status of a relationship,should be agreed to,by both of you firstly.

tammy the cat

Joined: 10/17/2008

Msg: 10 (view)

Disabled dating ? Posted: 5/1/2009 2:02:06 AM
OP/sad fact is a certain % will be turned off by the disability aspect.You say certain things about your disability,can you by chance expand your about me a little bit more to include the type things you do now,as well as your interests.This makes you more human (sorry cant think correct word here) an less focusable on your disability.Opens the description of you up more ,we can learn more about you,not much to go on.Gives a better descriptive mental picture of who you are,not just on your description of disability.

tammy the cat

Joined: 10/17/2008

Msg: 4 (view)

Friends or what? Posted: 5/1/2009 1:46:08 AM
OP/you had 15 years of friendship,an some history.How close as friends,i mean where you close enough to talk about anything to each other?You say he hinted a couple of times,is he carrying any feelings for you,unknowingly? Maybe he has problems with his betrothed. If you are not into him in an emotional way then think about cutting your losses with the friendship.Did you by chance send him mixed signals throughout this occurance of meet ups,drinking,getting close physically (without the sex).Have a good think about that one please?How well did you respond to his advances? first an second meet up?Did you encourage him at all? Only asking OP as maybe not all of it is his fault alone.New boundaries need to be organised an stuck to by you both,with discussing what happened between the pair of you an why//reasons.Or cut it entirely an no interaction again.

tammy the cat

Joined: 10/17/2008

Msg: 99 (view)

Spending $30,000 or more on a wedding. Posted: 4/13/2009 10:04:04 PM
bone WASTE OF MONEY. Have wedding yes,rain in the total cost please,$30,000 is obscene.Deposit on a house,do a lot things with that kind money.

tammy the cat

Joined: 10/17/2008

Msg: 67 (view)

Honest Opinion Needed Posted: 4/13/2009 8:21:50 PM
OP/was sex on the menu,the second date? Just a thought,would he have by chance reinbused you for the beer at all?Sending you as you had more time perhaps?Send him a polite email asking him to explain himself a bit as you'd like to know where you stand on things////communication-word it polite though.No response,guess you know you were played then.He got certain ideas from your previous behaviour on first date,OP.See you can line up a talk time with him.Who was babysitting on the date nights? if he a sole custody parent.

tammy the cat

Joined: 10/17/2008

Msg: 74 (view)

Cuddling and Boundries Posted: 4/11/2009 6:45:58 AM
There are no boundaries with cuddling,its how close an well you get on as a pair.Every time can be different.You can fall asleep cuddling,wind up making love or just do a full body massage with skin cream on each other,ALL over.Its whatever is comfortable at the time between the pair of you,as to what an the extent of what happens.Sometimes its far nicer to have a good cuddling session (kissing,touching,body contact)that to make love.

tammy the cat

Joined: 10/17/2008

Msg: 35 (view)

when is the right time... Posted: 4/11/2009 6:12:39 AM
OP/go at your own comfort pace,no timeline dictated by others.If you are chatting to someone,an when you feel comfortable,then bring up the suggestion of a meet.Pick a nice open public venue to meet at.Anything wrong with suggesting a coffee meet up ,somewhere local an open,between pair of you?A low key,informal,nervous release hook up.

tammy the cat

Joined: 10/17/2008

Msg: 129 (view)

Honesty - does it really matter? Posted: 4/11/2009 5:22:25 AM
Honesty is a core requirement in a good relationship,of ANY type.So is living by or listening to your conscious as a guide.Do unto others as you would have done unto yourself.Unfortunately we make mistakes in life an as time goes by,we would rather be judged for who we are now,not something we might have done 10 or 20 years ago.Being honest can have some of that honesty being thrown back at you ,in times of......problems in romance land.It actually gets held up an used against you.Everybody has a previous past,but they should be entitled to keep some things to themselves if they wish,as long as its not hurting anyone else.Over time,if you an a potentual gel properly an there is a genuine bond ofcloseness,then all will pour out eventually an be told ,providing you feel that person can handle the truth.I would personally hold greater respect for someone if ,after getting to know me,be honest enough to come out an say,................. happened (get the whole story).Could be someone with a criminal past for instance,something that happened a long time ago (not still happening that is-repeat offender i mean).Life is not always pretty,we are supposed to be the most intelligent,but we are the worst offenders in the treatment of other people an animal life in comparison to all other life forms.We make mistakes,learn an grow,moving on to newer lessons in life.Its the now status of someone,basically if they are prepared to be open an honest,this shows well,then past errors can be looked on as part of the past.Only 1 potentual perfect person,that i have ever heard of who has lived on this planet.None of us ,has achieved that level of honesty to claim equality with this person,as yet."Listen" to what people say,over time inconsistancies show up,as lies get told.

tammy the cat

Joined: 10/17/2008

Msg: 6 (view)

what to do about this situation? Posted: 4/10/2009 11:20:03 PM
OP/this is a very complex situation an far more detailed than what you can put down.Be very careful about taking advice from a bunch of strangers who really dont know the situation past your description.You,please dont go over an do anything to anybody,you wont be helping your sister,only making things worse.The my space thing,get your sis to change her passwords an hide access more,contact site owners in regards to her account being accessed,or just close whole thing.Maybe you need to talk to your sis an see what she wants to do,its her life.We can all say tell your sis to run like hell an get out but she has to work out what she wants to do,not us.Maybe she should seek some professional help in form of counciling,guidence in helping her to decide what she wants to do,what direction she wants to take.From your description it sounds like things are going to get very nasty,dirty -leave description at that.Be there for your sis,help her however you can, but stay away from the others an dont create anymore stuff for your sis to have to deal with via you interacting in non appropriate manner with them (no matter how much you'd like to ...... them). BE HER ROCK TO LEAN ON IF SHE NEEDS<NOT PART THE PROBLEM SHE IS DEALING WITH.

tammy the cat

Joined: 10/17/2008

Msg: 5 (view)

When is being nice a... Posted: 4/10/2009 10:24:42 PM
When a woman cant hold respect for anyone/more out with selfish motives or self interest,rather than genuine feelings for the man-carry a bit respect ingrained in how you treat other people overall in view.Find a like minded person OP,unfortunately you will cross paths with tunnel vision self interested only persons,both sexes though.Just how accomodating,easy going are you?If one feels they can 'walk' all over you an you appear meek an mild (no backbone),then the wussy an sap can tend to come out.Unfortunately not everyone will treat you with the same level of honesty an respect that you present to persons in any relationship.If someone lies an gets away with it,they look to see what else they can do also/push the boundaries i mean.

tammy the cat

Joined: 10/17/2008

Msg: 20 (view)

Why is he being so nice all of a sudden? Posted: 4/10/2009 10:03:23 PM
OP/dont let anyone play games with your life.Maybe he was honest but he chose to move on to his younger choice.You moved on accordingly an now have your dreamboat buddie.Enjoy!!!!!!!!!! You wish to stay friends with the other just be careful friendship lines dont get crossed.Maybe he found the grass wasnt as green on the other side of the hill with his younger choice.

tammy the cat

Joined: 10/17/2008

Msg: 22 (view)

Truth. Posted: 4/6/2009 4:49:28 AM
IF A WOMAN EVER ASKS YOU ABOUT BODY<HAIR<CLOTHES<LIE????????????????????????????????????????????? Why??????????????????????????What kind of relationship is that to have with anyone??????????????? Why not be honest an come up with other possibilities if you not so keen.Constructive critism in answering with suggestive alternatives.So she not so hot in a red dress but might look good in a pale blue or pink or whatever.Hairstyle or whatever/its called communication.If there is strong communication to start off with then you should be able to talk to each other properly,not lie an bull sh..t.Only playing games then.

tammy the cat

Joined: 10/17/2008

Msg: 15 (view)

Advice? Posted: 4/3/2009 7:15:13 AM
OP/give yourself time to heal properly an get over him,you dont want rebound issues on top.Keep your friends around you for support an try keep yourself busy.any interests or hobbies?Try making a few friends or go out an focus on just trying to have a good time,not replacement an rebound relationship issues.you really need time to get over him properly,just dont try going back to him.Your friends are spot on.

tammy the cat

Joined: 10/17/2008

Msg: 18 (view)

I was accused of false cheating..... Posted: 4/1/2009 8:51:01 PM
emails have a source an it should be traceable somehow.(email address at all from sender?)all you can do for now is try to keep a level head an keep reassuring him when you can make contact.who at church amongst your peers knows you are with him?anyone stand out displaying odd interaction towards you(a guy keen on you or another girl keen on him?anyone chatting about him?you chatted to anyone in paticular about him?) who would know him well enough to be able to contact him by email ?was the email sent through army ranks via channeling to be forwarded to him? as far as this site goes,you can always become an open book an allow him to see who you talk to an let him check out any forum posts you have added(that might be a bit hard with this thread online now).all you can do is be honest an keep being honest.watch who you interact with at church activities an what you do.his family all ok with you?how well you get on with his sister who filled you in?cant get suspicious of everyone?break up badly with any exs? anyone holding a grudge for some reason an wants to get even with you?anyone from your past you have had trouble with?had words or runins with anyone?did he have a previous girlfriend who still could bare a torch for him or broke up badly with?all quests only get you thinking OP.

tammy the cat

Joined: 10/17/2008

Msg: 39 (view)

Fear of relationship when having fun with someone you like Posted: 4/1/2009 6:54:36 AM
OP/gets a bit confusing jumping from mess 1 to 13. Has he still got the other girlfriend on the rocks hanging around?If he is that unhappy,get rid of her.You still got your other yeller?Ok,jumping straight from one to the other is never a good idea,can create so much trouble an confusion.His current financial woes might be taken up his headspace at present,plus maybe you were only a sidebar distraction,nothing to serious longterm. How do you really feel about him????If its only friends with benefits you want,then drum it into him quietly an let him decide what he wants to do.Maybe he is caught in a bind between you an the other one on the rocks.If he wasn't getting any sex,or fulfilment from her,why he bother paying for her trip at xmas?How much he sling your way truthful or madeup fairy stories????????????????????????Some of what you say doesnt make sense for what he tells you////sounds like a play card line for gaining pity an maybe more?????????????The fall in love with me????Is or was he rich?Maybe attracted some gold diggers in the past an maybe he full of himself also.Communicate what you want from him an what you are not looking for.Maybe you get lucky,if you not after anything serious.

tammy the cat

Joined: 10/17/2008

Msg: 81 (view)

Cheating, unhappy & married with kids Posted: 4/1/2009 5:03:03 AM
I also grew up with parents who stayed together cause of the kids.Outcome//ONE BIG !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DISASTER thanks (keep it civil an clean).Between physical abuse,fighting,verbal !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the list goes on.Dont get me wrong parents loved us but definitely would have been better off apart.Us kids used to um diappear when the fighting started.Broken noses,furniture,ribs,dinner plates up against wall,pushed around//list goes on-no fun growing up with .Even after the divorce they were stuck in a business together for many years/still no good.Mother was never very happy,gained heaps weight etc..etc....Unless you can keep the kids as a priority an their welfare foremost an stay friendly it will never work.My divorce,clean cut all the way through,stayed on so so friendly terms but the x an i were both free to move on .If he is not really commited to his wife,then get out an stop cheating on her//utter crap repeated behaviour,he is not doing his son or wife any favours.REPEATED BEHAVIOUR of cheating??????????????????? Get out an find a relationship that works,so can his wife then also.Once the kid grows up an leaves the nest,he has nothing left anyway so whats the point of staying if sleeping with everyone else???????????

tammy the cat

Joined: 10/17/2008

Msg: 123 (view)

Requesting for DNA testing of child! Prudent or Offensive? Grounds for Divorce? Posted: 4/1/2009 3:19:30 AM
You guys have very valid points an concerns but does this auto place all us women in the lying,cheating basket cause of a % rotton apples who cheat? Manatory DNA would take the guess work out,but what about your rights of freedom etc.... Now its only the crims who get dna tested (maybe some other high up jobs to).You get on the band wagon of having everyones dna,insurance companies,employers can have a field day.Its already happening now (program on recently).Imagine the governments delight on having everyones dna on hand.implications are limitless an so does half your rights go out the window.

tammy the cat

Joined: 10/17/2008

Msg: 55 (view)

Confused! Posted: 4/1/2009 2:59:01 AM
OP/is this the same chap you are asking about in your previous thread-is he playing games or he is sincere? dated 17/3/09. this one on that date you stated you had been dating a couple of months??????????????????????????not intensively as he is away a lot.just when did you two get into a 'relationship'? asking only OP, not picking on you. The time frame dont match up,thats all.

tammy the cat

Joined: 10/17/2008

Msg: 23 (view)

Financial issues and desire to have kids. Posted: 4/1/2009 2:16:17 AM
Thoughts? Where i live its just a common suburb in a very average area.The houses around me a not flash,small,basic,simple single story.Say lower end housing scale.There are families going about their daily business/school,work,sport,playing,etc..... No one who lives in this area earns top dollar or they would have a bigger,fancier house.You have kids cause if you wait an wait for the right time,it will never happen.You adjust,sacrifice an make do,get by in the end.Change jobs/extra education if you can/work out ways to survive,having a family is a joy you can never adequately describe.How do you think people go in third world countries,they manage some how.But then today the exception to the rule is smaller families anyway than in our grandparents era.They mananged an things were probably harder in a lot of ways.Maybe it boils down to how materialistic do people want to be these days in owning all latest mod cons an inventions as they come out.Back to basics anyone?????????????

tammy the cat

Joined: 10/17/2008

Msg: 117 (view)

Requesting for DNA testing of child! Prudent or Offensive? Grounds for Divorce? Posted: 4/1/2009 2:03:02 AM
Over time most of us get jaded with trust issues,an the prove to me now as you go intent comes out.Me,i like to be able to prove as i go now theory,leaves no room for doubt or ????????????? down the track.At the same time i dont want to be judged as guilty before i start.If 6 females before me did bla bla bla doesnt mean i will auto do the same.I'm human an make mistakes but would still like some benefit of doubt an a bit of trust offered upfront even if i have to earn the rest over time.

tammy the cat

Joined: 10/17/2008

Msg: 52 (view)

Confused! Posted: 4/1/2009 1:45:07 AM
smack of neediness? maybe if she hadnt given the altermation over face...book status.maybe yes,maybe no. if you become real keen on someone then chances are you will also give that bit extra time to the situation an overlook some things that dont quite add up for a while til the penny drops.Maybe OP just needs to reset core things an dont lower or give way so much on some.without knowing the OP one can only guess.

tammy the cat

Joined: 10/17/2008

Msg: 7 (view)

Don't give up. Posted: 4/1/2009 1:14:17 AM
OP/whatever problems you have,guaranteed there are plenty more a lot worse off.Roof over ones head,bed to sleep in,clothes to wear,food of sorts on the table,warmth,running water via tap,job maybe,list goes on.You are not in a war zone,you dont have to walk miles for water,scavenge through a tip for food or stuff to sell for pitance,electricity,gas,water all pretty regular in supply,ample food close by to buy,maybe own transport,somewhere to sleep,dont have to beg or go to charity for food.Our woes pale into insignificance by comparison with some of the living/surviving conditions that others have to actually live by.Alone,if you really look around there is always someone contactable ,willing to give out a helping hand ,if you a low enough to need it.

tammy the cat

Joined: 10/17/2008

Msg: 110 (view)

Requesting for DNA testing of child! Prudent or Offensive? Grounds for Divorce? Posted: 4/1/2009 1:02:59 AM
OP/unfortunately i know exactly where hubby is coming from for i sit with the same dilemma-just a different story.if for any given reason this secret comes out down the track there will be real hell to play!!!!!!!!!Why wasnt i told earlier etc..... I face the same problem when my mother passes,except mine is do i inform an older sibling????There are no right or wrong answers,hubby has to way up the prons an co.s of do i or dont i an let his conscious be a guide in the end.a lot rides on just how well he an the mrs actually do get on an whether she is capable of keeping a secret in the first place.I wish this hubby well in what ever he chooses to do.

tammy the cat

Joined: 10/17/2008

Msg: 104 (view)

Requesting for DNA testing of child! Prudent or Offensive? Grounds for Divorce? Posted: 4/1/2009 12:25:49 AM
Whatever happened to communication an trust in this marriage? Doesnt sound like there was good foundation building in this relationship to start off with an now its complicated further by children. Being the wife,i would be very upset over the trust issue of my husband ,particularly with what this forum knows an not the wife????What is more important to the husband?HIS MARRIAGE or HIS MOTHERS FEELINGS????????????????????????????? The knowledge didnt have to go further than the wife.The husband is not responsible for his mothers actions,he is only the product.What happens if one of the twins takes ill an the family tree is needed for reference due to say heritory illness?The skelecton in the closet would have to come out then anyway?????????????? How does he know there is nothing in the wifes past by her forebearers?????????????Wouldnt it be far better to be honest with the wife over his motives for dna testing in the first place????????? He did choose to marry his wife in the first place.........He needs to work on his trust issues an learn to trust the women he is sharing his bed with.For better or worse,he is sharing his worldly possessions with her so why not try trusting her.

tammy the cat

Joined: 10/17/2008

Msg: 49 (view)

Confused! Posted: 3/31/2009 11:50:42 PM
TIMEFRAME// 1/DATED guy for MONTH OR SO 2/then HE SUGGESTED NEXT STEP WHICH IS RELATIONSHIP. 3/THREE WEEKS INTO RELATIONSHIP .........................(rest of thread). So if my maths is correct there is at least 7 weeks here.........No discussion on his part of finding out about her personal life?Very weird for relationship status!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wouldnt you like to know something about the person you are supposed to be in a relationship with???????????????

tammy the cat

Joined: 10/17/2008

Msg: 30 (view)

why should the type of job u do matter? Posted: 3/31/2009 10:43:21 PM
OP/you work a decent job so dont worry about small minded people.Obviously these females who disappear after job description is given,have a different agenda an a different pic in their head of what they are after in life.MONEY?POSITION? (the gold digger type).two words come to mind.You work hard,not on the dole (spongers who dont want to work not genuine people misplaced for current economic reasons i mean)you earn an honest living an pay your way.Any female with an ounce of substance would not worry about what type of job you do.OK there are some high end earners on this site who are looking for the same in their partners,there is nothing wrong with that.They just want equal value bought to the table by both parties,which is their right.OP,had to put that one in or would have left myself open for???????????The right type of person for you will make contact an wont worry about what you do for a crust.Keep being honest an be proud of what you do.Someone has to do it an at least you like your job/most people do eat meat so it is an essentual job in a way. message 30 has some excellent points in it to.

tammy the cat

Joined: 10/17/2008

Msg: 43 (view)

Confused! Posted: 3/31/2009 9:58:07 PM
Interesting the varied opinions////these forums would work far better an be more interesting if some of you posters got off your glorified high horses an actually used your brains an not let your mouths via keyboard run away a mile.Take your time an put yourselves into the shoes of the actual thread poster an see/imagine !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If you are dating someone an they showed no interest in enquiring about you personally over a near couple of months,wouldnt you get ?????????????????????????????????wouldnt you start to ask questions an try to get answers???????????????Constructive negative critism is more likely to be taken aboard than being downright nasty an judgemental.Speaks volumes on peoples attitudes for ALL OTHER posters to see an then check your profiles out//dont bother with mine its hidden,not looking presently thats why.

tammy the cat

Joined: 10/17/2008

Msg: 40 (view)

Confused! Posted: 3/31/2009 9:29:06 PM
OP/read most postings,interesting the varied opinions.OP/i find it strange that for someone who wanted a relationship,his lack of interest in wanting to know more about you.When you are keen or interested in someone genuinely ,you usually want to learn all you can about them//however this is persued at a level that allows the other person to spill info at their own pace,in their comfort zone.If i was in a relationship putting taken on my profile here is ok but i certainly wouldnt want to be plastered all over face....b..k or my.....space thankyou/i like my privacy an any genuine friends would be informed.apart from the single status was there anything else wrong on his pages//pics of him an other girls for instance? I think you already subconsciously were picking up on vibes that didnt seem right to start of with an the status on face....book was a test for him to see if he did give a dam really.Unless he was the type to leave privacy issues alone until two people are actually in a good comfort zone level before exchanging,it just doesnt add up properly.Ok,the problem status,that isnt really that important in the scheme of things but you were looking for a proper sign of commitment from him.If you had only just decided to get into a relationship then this could have been left until both of you were sure it would move forward an you had bonded better.How open was his face...book to see all contents?OP/next time you get involved with someone,slow down a bit an take your time an enjoy what flows.dont rush madly into a relationship,take your time an explore,get to know,pass on your info etc... an have fun.relationships take time to build with good foundations,trust taking time to build .there is no mad rush,chalk this one up to experience an keep eye on red flag issues as you go next time.

tammy the cat

Joined: 10/17/2008

Msg: 49 (view)

Dating while unemployed Posted: 3/31/2009 8:21:43 PM
OP/currently economic conditions are very bad or dia for a lot of people world wide an you certainly not alone.Sort your ongoing expenses out an downgrade your dating expectations (not type person you are looking for but activity type an expense previously used) til you get on your feet again.Covering your own living expenses firstly is most important at present.Datewise/keep looking for the cheaper alternatives//walk in park//picnic//near a beach at all?//cook meal at home with candles//board games an cards//hired or borrowed dvd//pics//find places of interest that are free or charge little to explore//you can think more alternatives.Any women worth her salt will allow for current economic circumstances.Its a date,you arent marrying them.You will find plenty people or women in the same boat.Maybe you can add paragraph about economic conditions an lowering dating activity levels for a while on your profile.,that way the high end expectant ones will leave you alone an the more humaine ones that actually give a dam about people will make contact.You dont have to change your core values or vetting process for who or type you are after.If something is on your profile pople already have a fair idea an you dont have to say a word then.good luck with job seeking.

tammy the cat

Joined: 10/17/2008

Msg: 18 (view)

Guy your dating is on POF looking for friends? Posted: 3/30/2009 11:57:20 PM
Although you exclusively date an are not real serious,whats the problem?Has he given you cause not to trust him?Do you have any male friends that you have picked up in your lifetime?The question i guess is ,is he looking for platonic friends?It only becomes a problem if you two went serious an he wont share those friends if all is above board.Do you not talk to friends of both sexes?Either he is worthy of your trust or not.You state that you communicated with an old male friend ,so what is it about him that he cant make new friends,particular when you are not serious?Is there a double standard here an you are just feeling insecure a tad?Communicate with the guy an set up some mutual boundaries,that you both stick to.

tammy the cat

Joined: 10/17/2008

Msg: 23 (view)

Is a glance a call Posted: 3/30/2009 10:24:02 PM
OP/firstly,if the way you are doing your job an interacting with customers was unsatisfactory ,i am sure your boss would have spoken to you about it already.You are on the frontline an customers expect politeness,courtacy,friendliness etc.... How you interact they remember an is used as a drawcard for them to keep returning.No one goes back to the same place if their experience is bad.If your boss is happy with your work then ignore the idiots.You are there to do a job an get paid for services rendered.If in doubt about anything,talk to someone there in authority who treats you properly (older co-worker maybe).Ask them if anything wrong with way you interact with customers (pointers i mean).Toying with male co-workers,arent you just looking around to see who is where an who is attending to a particular customer?In any worksite we tend to be more friendly with some than others,usually these are people who treat us more respectfully in the first place.Maybe you are just on more friendly terms /relate better to i mean/with some of the male staff,an some people are jealous or narrow minded an also dont understand autism very well.If a few people are trying to cause trouble then maybe you need to speak to someone higher up about your concerns.

tammy the cat

Joined: 10/17/2008

Msg: 37 (view)

Wanting to date someone younger.. how young is too young? Posted: 3/30/2009 9:00:55 PM
OP/why dont you just try talking to her an get a feel for how she thinks.If you are open,honest an treat her with dignity,respect an maybe you both have a bit of fun dating an time spent together.Keep in mind you are both studying an working part time anyway so how much time have you got to get serious anyway?She could be a mature 18 ,but you are older so you can keep both your welfare in mind.Who knows,no spark maybe,you could always wind up with a good close solid friend at the least.No harm done in talking to each other an getting to know one another better/you can both decide from there where to head things if you keep liking things about each other.

tammy the cat

Joined: 10/17/2008

Msg: 4 (view)

What should my friend do for her boyfriend Posted: 3/30/2009 8:41:24 PM
Just how well does she know him?create activities around what she knows he likes doing.Has he any hobbies or known things he likes to do?Does he have any family she can discuss this with?

tammy the cat

Joined: 10/17/2008

Msg: 28 (view)

What would you do? Posted: 3/30/2009 8:37:25 PM
OP/how long was she with this guy?It happened to me in a few previous relationships ,a few times,an i have even done it myself.When you have been with someone a long time their name tends to be ingrained in your brain(particularly if talked about said person earlier).It dumbstruck me the first time,but on discussion with my S.O of the time i came to realize it just was a genuine mistake at the time an he was highly mortified/embarrassed.I knew he loved me an was making love to me an not the person named.Its just like when you talk about someone to a third party an you call the discussed person by wrong name.It never goes down well due to the intamacy of the act when wrong name said,but it can be a genuine mistake of name calling only.Havent you ever got with someone new an accidently called them another name early in the relationship whilst doing some normal activity?

tammy the cat

Joined: 10/17/2008

Msg: 8 (view)

Looking for some advice/perspective Posted: 3/30/2009 7:54:21 AM
OP doesnt this guy have a mind of his own to make a choice for himself?Firstly,if you dont want the hassle with military dating ,then why go there?You already know the prons an co's.Why waste time an energy giving thought to ex's an what they think?None of his business anymore!!!!!!!!!!!! You like the guy it seems,why dont you just settle down, relax an enjoy this new company for what it is,an have some fun dating.Dont worry about whether it is relationship value yet,just enjoy the guys company an have some fun together an create happy times together.Let him get to know you an he can make his own mind up based on his experiences with you.What is your gut feeling telling you about this guy?If his attitude etc... is ok then why worry about all the maybes.Dont let anticipated future behaviour of an ex dictate who you date or what you do.Handle situations as they crop up as a certainty an stop trying to jinx before anything happens.You to can always have a discussion later when the time is right an talk about what happened with the ex (not nasty or negative-more neutral informative)so the guy knows ahead of time.If its meant to be he will stick around regardless of who says what.

tammy the cat

Joined: 10/17/2008

Msg: 93 (view)

Would you date someone who is dying? Posted: 3/30/2009 7:29:38 AM
Yes i would ,been there already.Via association that person has enriched my life,even for the heartache an loss.Part of that person will always be with me ,in my memory an heart.None of us knows whats around the corner,our death or ilness.You cannot give up living or associating just because a fact of timeframe is known/make the most an appreciate it more.My sister was killed suddenly in a car accident (was 36),same as a nephew (18),my father dropped dead from a massive heart attack suddenly(63),my grandparents lived to 83,88,yet an old boyfriend died at 48 after ilness.None of us can say for certainty that we wouldnt be time limited in the future.

tammy the cat

Joined: 10/17/2008

Msg: 42 (view)

Where do you draw the line... Posted: 3/30/2009 6:34:54 AM
Its not always what is said,but the manner in which it is said,showing no respect for anothers different way of life.Each to their own core beliefs,but being 'there' enough to realise that others vary in lifestyle choices an have the right to do so as long as they dont hurt others.Its how you regard other people in general an treat them,courtacy an respect (how you would like to be treated yourself.).We are all products of our upbringing an life event survivors.We reflect what has been instilled into us from birth,undergoing constant change as we live an process life.If the manner in way things are said is not good,then overall what hope is there of a good attitude in other core things/such as way others are treated who are different in aspects.A short skirt does not make a female a s l...t. No women asks to be raped nor does a man asked to be taken to the cleaners if divorced.We are all different ,all unique an special,who wants a clone.The attitude or way/manner we present our differences in opinion on things presents others with being able to accept us an our differences or reject us outright.'Live an let live or do unto others as you would have done unto yourself'.Be true to yourself an dont compromise on core beliefs if the attitude presented with opinion is negative .

tammy the cat

Joined: 10/17/2008

Msg: 7 (view)

What do I do? Posted: 3/11/2009 8:21:38 AM
It seems like it was still early days at the time an he was unsure of what he wanted or looking for etc... He admitted he shouldnt lied etc.....How much do you like him?Maybe you can give him the benefit of doubt an see what happens,just dont rush into anything heavy to fast (including the sex) as see what happens.Alas none of us are god or perfect OP.You seem to have had serious discussion on this already so highlight that lying is definitely a no no for you in the future an you are done if this happens again.Just not acceptable as you will loose trust in him.You be honest upfront an then the ball is in his court if he wants to be with you.How was he talking to the other an what was his purpose behind it?Is it a deal breaker?

tammy the cat

Joined: 10/17/2008

Msg: 5 (view)

What do I do? Posted: 3/11/2009 8:13:53 AM
OP/ How long had you been seeing one another when he lied? Where you actually dating/hanging out/boyfriend,girlfriend or even discussed being exclusive yet?This talking,was he chatting up for dating purposes with someone else or just friendly chat?There is not real lot info to go on.

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