at what age to settle down? chat & forums.

Joined: 10/18/2008

Msg: 2 (view)

at what age to settle down? Posted: 11/24/2009 7:31:06 PM
For many of us settling down may not involve marriage. Some of us have been the Priest lawyer route and find that marriage is lacking. It is really not related to age in many ways but more from experience. If our goals involve kids then marriage gets a higher ranking. If you want to know about a man settling down, then ask him what he sees as a desired exclusive relationship. What does he really want in a partner? If he finds someone that meets that bill (at any age) then his not likely to stray (jerks excluded).

Joined: 10/18/2008

Msg: 11 (view)

How do I ask a man out? Posted: 11/19/2009 4:11:58 AM
As others have said, its really pretty simple and the more specific you are about it, the easier it is for the guy. Believe it or not saying something like "want to go out sometime?" is just too vague for our simple minds. Some of us will tell you what we like to do on our profiles so you can always just ask us to join you in an activity we like.

Joined: 10/18/2008

Msg: 6 (view)

Are men over 40 more likely not to commit... Posted: 10/15/2009 8:35:49 AM
First not all men are alike so you may get several answers...here is mine. I would not say we reisist commitment but that we value it differently and much more critically. We typically no longer see commitment as needed to raise kids as that job is usually done or well on its way. We have also discovered that ministers, priests, lawyers, and judges, have little to do with happiness or love so the "marriage institution" lacks value. Assuming we are not in male menopause where we question everything, we are not sold on commitment as the only answer or alone as the only alternative. I have come to believe and enjoy the notion that I am committed to that person who I am honestly compelled to be near. When that feeling is strong I am simply not attracted to anyone else. I don't need a rule or a promise and don't really want one from someone else. I know that if they are also truly compelled to be with me that others simply become irrelevant. My current relationship (of about a year) may last my lifetime or it may end in the months to come. I worry more about being truly honest and loving in the moment than I do any timeline. It seems that many women find it very hard to put down the notion (or crutch) of a rule, promise, or commitment and simply trust themselves instead. If you trust yourself you will know each day if you are with the right person and if the relationship is still growing. If it is...great. If it is not then you have some choices. So I would say we have come to value real honesty in a relationship rather than making some commitment (promise or rule) to govern an uncertain future. We trust that commitment is something that you allow to happen as a "result" rather than trying to make happen by spoken word or ceremony. If you let us find our way to loving you and allow the relationship to unfold rather than making the LTR happen, you will be amazed at how long we tend to stick around. Often its a lifetime.

Joined: 10/18/2008

Msg: 10 (view)

just how would an insecure woman attract men??? Posted: 10/13/2009 3:54:11 AM
Perfect... you post a question, you get a response, and its back to word games. Hope its working for you and best of luck in your search.

Joined: 10/18/2008

Msg: 5 (view)

just how would an insecure woman attract men??? Posted: 10/13/2009 3:20:43 AM
It happens on two levels. First, as other posters have said, we already know of your imperfections (and ours) and for the most part we accept them. It seems to me that "how" you carry yourelf is as important as "what" you carry. As a read your profile though I really had to wonder if your goal was to attract men. It is anything but simple and one has to wonder what might be hiding behind all of those words. There is nothing soft, gentle, or inviting and even the "playful" suggestions are compromised by obstrusive language. Most of us don't see a date as some philosophical excursion nor are we attracted to an opportunity for bloodletting. We see wordy esoteric profiles as red flags for women who lack confidence and perhaps stability as well. Extending a hand in the hope of greeting another is a simple thing. Women who can do that in an honest, playful and concise manner are very attractive. They also tend to be very confident.

Joined: 10/18/2008

Msg: 8 (view)

Why do men cheat? Posted: 10/12/2009 5:47:59 PM
There is no excuse for cheating. There is also no vault on loyalty. Men (and women) who cheat are dishonest. The bigger question is what caused them to be so dissatisfied.

Joined: 10/18/2008

Msg: 15 (view)

he thinks I'm playing games...I think I am not... Posted: 10/12/2009 3:31:21 PM
Yes you are playing games. From what you have said you have seen this guy 3 times a week for 2 months. Doing the math thats about 24 dates!!!! Recently you got naked so its all to be seen and now you are holding back???? If after 24 dates and getting naked you can't move on then you either havbe good reason not to trust him or you are too guarded. This guy has been patient and he is just asking you to be honest with him. If he had posted this I would have told him to move on. Think about it.

Joined: 10/18/2008

Msg: 6 (view)

He says he'll write, but he hasn't. Now what? Posted: 10/12/2009 3:24:17 PM
How about shortening the dialog from war and peace to something he can handle in one bite. You might suggest that you are both well read and ask if he would join u in a simple idea exchange. Then do something like this.. This authors says BLAH BLAH BLAH and I think I might agree because Blah Blah Blah (Keep it short!!! ) What to you think??? sending a message like that above allows him to nibble ideas with you and gives the conversation a place to start. Good Luck!!!

Joined: 10/18/2008

Msg: 10 (view)

Whiplash Posted: 10/12/2009 4:45:25 AM
Pay attention to Cowboy and the rest. The only thing I might offer is that first meets as you described can be a little overwhelming. Sometimes guys just need to come up for air and think about it for a while. We have an inner sense that says "don't go too fast or you'll really screw this up". So be patient and let the pace slow a little. The ball is in his court so just let him call. Then go slow. Good Luck!!!

Joined: 10/18/2008

Msg: 8 (view)

Just a quick one for the guys Posted: 10/12/2009 12:09:05 AM
OP, an earlier poster called it right. High maint refers to the effort we must extend to keep you basically happy. Usually a high maint girl is one who is spoiled and generally expects the world to constantly adjust to her every need. Sometimes it can refer to money as a woman wearing a $2,000 dress might seem high maint to a guy who shops at wal-mart. In that case its about what it would take to maintain (or join) the person in their lifestyle. The worst of both worlds is a woman who dresses very well to make a statement that others must attend to her every need. Often its not the clothing but how a person acts while they are wearing it.

Joined: 10/18/2008

Msg: 15 (view)

Texting/checking phone Posted: 10/11/2009 11:28:00 AM
While I think his behavior could have been much better, yours was nothing to brag about. He may, as some have suggested, have a legitimate need to stay connected. If that were true it was rude of him not to explain the situation. But I don't think you demonstrated any class whatsoever by telling him what to do with it instead of asking a very simple question. Then of course deleting him from your phone puts you squarley in the group of two year olds who "take their toy and go home" when the world fails to revolve around their expectations. Next time a guy does something that seems rude (or unusual) how about a simple polite question assuming the posititve rather than the negative. Something like, " I notice you are texting a lot and I was really hoping we might talk free of interruptions, is there some way we can make that happen?" Simple...Polite, Mature equals class.

Joined: 10/18/2008

Msg: 7 (view)

Is this rude?? Posted: 10/11/2009 7:59:48 AM
No, in answer to your question it is not rude. You are however acting like a drama queen who wants to question every action as though there is some huge (and dramatic) significance behind it. Of all of the things on POF, the favorites feature is the least reliable to indicate anything. Most have no clue how it works and don't care. This guy has been strait with you and this is a new relationship. He was willing to move from the keyboard to the phone... a good step. You are calling him on it like he has some obligation or that he has done something wrong?? It comes off as immature, needy, high maint, and drama.

Joined: 10/18/2008

Msg: 10 (view)

Is 12 year age gap too much Posted: 10/11/2009 6:36:10 AM
The age matters but in a very good way. I am dating a woman who is 12 years younger. I am 57. We have much in common but have also experiemced the same things in different ways. That brings a wonderful richness to our relatinship. Go for it.

Joined: 10/18/2008

Msg: 4 (view)

Chat/Email --> In-person date?? Posted: 10/10/2009 3:47:50 PM
It's a great question and there seems to be two schools of thought on it. One group belives that you should move to the "meet" stage after a relatively short time so as not to waste time if there is no chemistry. Others (like me) could really care less if a "meet" happens soon or after several contacts. To get to the "meet" stage though I would need a sense that the other person is someone who I might want as a friend if not more. For me friends are playful, free of significant baggage, positive, and wiilling to let things happen naturally as opposed to on a mission to find "Mr. Right". Sometimes I can figure that out in a couple emails , other times it takes much longer. You may also find that those who have had less success in dating are actually quicker to move to the meet stage. Its simple that if we are already successful there is no pressing need and we just move at our own (sometimes slow) pace.

Joined: 10/18/2008

Msg: 4 (view)

Why is he blowing me off? Posted: 10/8/2009 5:44:09 PM
I think if you read yur own post you will see the answer. You said he "just wanted to catch up" . That is very different from he wanted to "start over". It would seem he got caught up and that was enough. He has not been rude and he owes you nothing (including a call). So take the hint and move on.

Joined: 10/18/2008

Msg: 12 (view)

Define this for me please you guys. Posted: 10/7/2009 4:52:57 AM
Ditto Navigator6. I go to a gym and see people of all sizes taking the time to become healthy. You can tell by how they walk and their attitude about life. Smokers by definition have made a choice about taking care of themselves (they are not) and other habits like over eating go hand in hand. We don't need twiggy or barbie. We also have zero interest in anyone who makes excuses for bad habits. So yes we are all grown ups and we are telling you we don't buy your version of "taking care of yourself" for a second.

Joined: 10/18/2008

Msg: 8 (view)

Momma's Boy: Is he or Isn't he?? Posted: 10/7/2009 4:40:35 AM
First at 25 he is a boy. You can find out how much of a boy (mommas or otherwise) after a few dates.

Joined: 10/18/2008

Msg: 7 (view)

How long should I wait to date again? Posted: 10/7/2009 4:36:25 AM
Two thoughts. First you can just tell any guy that your last relationship lasted a while but didn't work out. Sometimes we just need to move on...enough said. The other part of the question is perhaps more important. Regardless of how great or lousy the previous relationship was it provided company (even poor company). All of us miss that when we lose it as we are social animals. There is nothing wrong with dating a few months later as long as you realize that YOU are a rebounder. Its not bad or good, just a condition that makes you vulnerable in certain ways. The best thing you can do as a rebounder is to go ahead and date. Be sure to date several guys and keep it light and fun. Also take some time to get to know yourself a little better. In time you will find that your preferences for men will change in subtle ways which simply means you have grown from rebounder to the next version of you. Its all special and its all good. Welcome to the pond.

Joined: 10/18/2008

Msg: 9 (view)

Is this guy just not into me? Posted: 10/6/2009 3:44:41 AM
Let's face it we are all guessing here but you had a few red flags. There was the no contact flag after a good date and then the "pulled profile" flag. By your own admission the sex was a little awkward (do you see a pattern here????) and now you are getting ignored again. Either the guy is a player as others have suggested or he is confused about relationships as the flags suggest. In any case taking off your clothes in this situation is not the cure. Next time when a guy sends out red flags, get the message and steer clear.

Joined: 10/18/2008

Msg: 10 (view)

How do i react to his revelation??? Posted: 10/5/2009 6:17:46 AM
It seems like all the guys here are telling you the same thing in different ways and I hope you take our advice. While the guy might have hid the kid from profile etc so as to attract more, it was still an act of deception. Guys who lie about one thing will lie about another. So all of us would tell you to stay away. On the kid thing there is no way you can date a person with a kid and not expect that the kid is part (or will become part) of the deal sooner or later. Its not a first date thing but kids are part of the package in one way or another one if you date for a while. There are a ton of great threads on dating others with kids so you migt do a search to see what that is all about.

Joined: 10/18/2008

Msg: 2 (view)

Is he into you? Posted: 9/24/2009 4:39:19 AM
No, it is possible though that you have read far too many chick magazines at the supermarket.

Joined: 10/18/2008

Msg: 13 (view)

why be the pursuer and then change? Posted: 9/24/2009 4:37:24 AM
Your profile (which is in bad need of review) is all about what you want as a defintion of who you are..... Most of us might chase that for a while just to find out if there is more. When we discover that it's "all about you" then you get a polite excuse.

Joined: 10/18/2008

Msg: 8 (view)

Am I assuming correctly?? Posted: 9/18/2009 9:30:27 AM
Making any assumption can be tricky. So my first advice is just ask him. I looked at your profile and its pretty negative about the site and about what you don't want (to be a home booty call). That alsone will attrcat the wrong type of guys so if you want to attract better then go to profile reviews a few doors up from here. Both on your site and in this post you make mention of sex in some very negative terms which to all of us spells "baggage". You saw a guy several times and made it clear you had boundaries which is fine. I guess I would wonder why I (or any man) should need to climb a mountain to get over them? Respectful and playful sex is a part of any healthy adult relationship not some trophy to be won or goal to be accomplished. Evidently you were not willing to allow that (which is fine) and he became much less interested (also fine). Standing someone up without calling is just rude. Changing plans when something more positive comes along is simply a choice. If you don't like the choices that men are making around you then try a few different choices yourself.

Joined: 10/18/2008

Msg: 15 (view)

One good friend in one deep mess Posted: 9/10/2009 5:07:49 AM
Wow! this thread has taken a few turns!!! It seems to me that most everyone has ignored the main point. Who in the world said that it is your job to say anything to your friend? She is an adult..yes??? This is not her first man...yes??? She already has a mother....yes? So how about just treating her like an adult instead of trying to fix her or tell her the obvious. Say something like " Well I know its a challenge but you are smart and I'm sure you will figure out which way to go". Then by all means (as the eagles sang) "Learn to be still"

Joined: 10/18/2008

Msg: 2 (view)

what am i doing wrong? Posted: 9/10/2009 4:57:53 AM
You are not doing anything wrong except perhaps assuming that all men here owe you a response. Some will and some won't. Some will say Hi and go "poof" when they find something better. Women are the same way. It you are consistently getting the wrong type of guy responding then its time for a profile review a few doors up on the forum ladder.

Joined: 10/18/2008

Msg: 4 (view)

How do I let a guy know I'm interested? Posted: 9/8/2009 2:30:39 PM
What a GREAT question! Here are a few things you can do: 1. Get a wing woman (Men have a wingman). This is someone who can help you to be yourself desopite temptataion as you jump into the pond. 2. Decide how you want to screen men. I screen women by POF email, then IM, then phone, then in person. Each is different just find a system you like. 3. All first dates are better if there is no risk like coffee or a dinner with a set time that it must end and you must be elsewhere. If its great, that is what second dates are for!!! 4. If you see a man in public and you want him to know you might be open to a conversation just smile. There is nothing wrong with speaking up first either. JUst be you...don't try to be anybody else. 5. Never hide in the herd. Guys who might want to meet you in public do not want to go through 27 women to meet you. Be sure you are approachable by standing at the edges of the herd if you go out with other women. 6. You have met people all your life and been very good at it. Just be natural and easy about the whole thing like you were being introduced to a new friend. Have fun!!

Joined: 10/18/2008

Msg: 11 (view)

What kind of replies do guys expect? Posted: 9/8/2009 2:21:59 PM
This debate always comes down to a matter of YOUR personal style. I respond to all email and I feel lucky that I get my fair share. Some say just do the "no reply" thing and that is OK too if that is your style. If you choose to respond then make it direct and to the point with no guesswork. Something like, "Thanks for the note. I read your profile and we just don't match up well. There is a great gal out there for u so happy fishing" After that if they don't get it just block them.

Joined: 10/18/2008

Msg: 7 (view)

Is it okay to ask the guy out for the third date? Posted: 9/8/2009 2:13:33 PM
Yes you can ask him out and it would be a HUGE thing for him. Instead of making it heady and heavy though make it playful. Tell him you want to treat him to a special surprise dinner. You get to pick the spot and he gets to show up and pick you up at the bar with his best line. Make it fun!!!

Joined: 10/18/2008

Msg: 2 (view)

Guys - How would you feel about receiving this text? Posted: 9/8/2009 9:35:02 AM
Since you have been seeing each other for several months and enjoyed intimacy there is nothing wrong with the text. Its a little over the top in some ways but it could also be a playful invitation (probably). Enjoy!

Joined: 10/18/2008

Msg: 7 (view)

How to tell if my boss likes me Posted: 9/8/2009 4:45:57 AM
Its obvious that your boss is uncomfortable around you so he prefers text to the real thing. This can only mean that sooner or later he will choose to take care of that and you will be out of a job. Since you like to take "long breaks" you might want to ask yourself why you find joy in ripping off the company you work for? My suggestion is start looking for a new job now and heed the advice of all above.

Joined: 10/18/2008

Msg: 6 (view)

Not getting many hits.....Am I doing something wrong? Posted: 9/7/2009 5:41:33 AM
I think that other posters here have been patronizizng to you in an effort not to hurt your feelings. There are truly several things that will put guys off and limit the pool of who might contact you. The first two relate directly to health. Its clear that you are overweight. Its also clear that you are not bothered by it as hopping to the bar for a few beers will hardley fix that problem. Your choice but it will put many guys off. You also smoke often and on this one there is simply no debate so now even more guys will pass you by. The profile makes the huge mistake of telling guys what you don't want and comes off as a rant. Add that to the above and now you have a very small pool. Then of course there is the "other relationship" thing which nobody gets. Try "dating" or "friends" to widen the pool. The age range is a bit tight as well. So you have done many things that will drive guys away and that is exactly what is happening. Please understand this is not some kind or health lecture as those are all your choices. You must accept however that we can make choices too and right now you are not among them. You can be healthy without being skinny as a rail. You can quit smoking as millions have done it. You can learn to talk more about what attracts you rather than what doesn't. If you make those choices then the pool of who might contact you will be much larger. So choose what you will and accept the results.

Joined: 10/18/2008

Msg: 7 (view)

why would a man do this? Posted: 9/3/2009 5:00:05 AM
Your question was "why would a man do this"? Well one would be that he is dishonest and simply a player. The other would be that he simply told you the truth and found it easier to use the words of another to help him describe himself. Before you make too many claims about such a lack of original thinking you might look at about 95% of the profiles of women here. They read... " I love the beach, I like to cuddle, I don't like men who cheat...yada..yada..yada. Not exactly original.

Joined: 10/18/2008

Msg: 6 (view)

ex's and seeing new guys! Posted: 9/3/2009 3:49:19 AM
As other posters have said... the new guy is a rebound. If you want to get over the ex then date SEVERAL guys and just get to know yourself a little better.

Joined: 10/18/2008

Msg: 5 (view)

wondering, wondering, what would a guy really like to hear? Posted: 9/2/2009 5:31:52 AM
Well honesty is always best but there is good way and a bad way to go about it. You can just tell a guy that you are "busy" or have "plans" and we get it. If we know its not exclusive with you we just accept that you date others. Saying "I'm going on a date with someone else makes the point a little too strong. But But But, Be sure that your male friends know EXACTLTY how you feel. If they hint about something more serious and you stay quiet you are saying "OK" to that in a huge way. Look them right in the eye and say something like, " I want you to really understand that I am not interested in an exclsusive realtionship with anyone at this point so lets keep it where it is. Be clear. If you are clear with them, it will avoid them pushing for something more serious and your words like "I'm busy" will do the trick when you have other dates.

Joined: 10/18/2008

Msg: 2 (view)

I would like Honest Reviews Please! Posted: 9/2/2009 5:24:52 AM
Swiftfalcon, In reading your profile I had to wonder what you were trying to accomplish with it. So that would be my first question. For most, a profile is an "opener" or an invitation for frienship (and usually more). It is generally not seen as a place for a life story. Just like getting a job you have the resume (profile) followed by interviews, realtionships are the same way. So my first comment to you is to think about balance in when you provide information. Much of what you say in your profile is very helpful in understanding you, its just way too much for an "opener". Many of us have family challenges that make us very special. We also struggle at times as you have done. In a very real way we make choices about how that defines us. It can be "all" that defines us or "part" of what defines us. You profile reads as though your challenges are "all" that define you. Is that who you are??? Here is a different approach. You could say something like " As an eighteen year old woman I have had my fair share of family challenges like many. These have made me stronger for the most part. I would like to believe that the challenges I have faced help me to be more understanding of others. So with new friends and old, I am more interested in listening than judging" A statement like that covers all the ground you covered without writing a life history. It is truthful (I hope) and would allow you to delete most of your discussion regarding how you grew up, your brother, etc. Remember, this is an opener, we all have a story to tell later. As far as mental issues go I would be careful about that. We all have health issues. Luckily most are temporary. Depression can be something that controls your life or something that comes and you manage. Given yur circumstances I would suggest that your "mental illness" is not an illness at all but a very normal reaction to some pretty hard circumstances. So again, Iwould not include it in an opener unless you want others to define you by it. best of luck

Joined: 10/18/2008

Msg: 2 (view)

Check out my profile PLEASE! Posted: 9/2/2009 4:47:56 AM
OK, as we start this it is very important to understand the purpose of a profile. It is like a resume, its job is to attract those you want to consider the next step. Once email or calls begin, the profile is quickly lost so remember its an opener, not a closer. You have good pics with smiles in 2 out of 3. You did not provide any full body shots of you doing anything. That might be a great addition. Stay away from pics where you are not wearing many clothes even if they are swimming. Just normal pics of you having fun. No pics with other women in them. As an opener you seeem to want a woman who will laugh immediatly, be ready to go in about 30 seconds, curl your hair for hours, and kiss for days. Well all of that is actually really good but it comes across like you have your pace and its their job to catch up and open up. Some will go for that but you run a risk of scaring away some pretty wonderful fish. Here are my sugestions and these only apply if you want a different result from your profile than you are getting today: 1. Include a full body shot...you having fun. 2. Include a description of a relaxing activivty as well as the jump in the car and go. Empasize that you like doing whatver makes "THEM" feel at ease and welcome. 3. Delete any references to hugging, kissing etc. When men do this women always take it for a sex ploy no matter how you mean it. Let your actions tell that story later in the game . 4. Keep the stuff about laughing and the humor about cosmo, its good stuff. 5. Read profiles of women you would like to attract and then include statements in your profile that read something like " Women who like to "etc etc etc (stuff from their profiles) are very attractive to me." Be honest here just use the bait they offer in their profiles. DO NOT say you like something if you don't just to catch a hot babe. You have a happy positive profile. keep it that way..these are just a few tips. While mine does not include all of these it has been very sucessful. That is the only true test.

Joined: 10/18/2008

Msg: 4 (view)

why do i always get the bad guy's Posted: 9/1/2009 5:57:39 AM
I'm not sure if you are really looking for an answer or you just wanted to rant in this forum. If you want an answer then here is what I recommend. 1. ask for a profile review in that forum and take heed to the advice you get. 2. Good guys like healthy women which are (usually) not thin as a rail or fat as a whale. You have recently started to really work on being healthy by quitting smoking (GREAT!!!). Just continue that to your diet. 3. Learn what healthy physical attraction is all about rather than complaining about it. It's not bad that men look at women (or the reverse) its healthy and natural. While we might take a moment to get to your face, the rest is all good too. Good guys expect that women can be playful about this without sweating the small stuff of getting your undies in a knot over something that is pretty natural. 4. If you are getting guys that want to F**k instead of guys that want to playfully love then your screening process is lousy. Try posting something on the ask a girl forum about screening good guys. The women over there are very smart! Good luck!

Joined: 10/18/2008

Msg: 12 (view)

I'm textually frustrated!! Posted: 8/30/2009 6:09:57 AM
See Jackal123 he nailed it.

Joined: 10/18/2008

Msg: 2 (view)

what happened? Posted: 8/30/2009 6:08:13 AM
He probably did like you and he probably likes others as well. Just be yourself, have fun and do not over think it. There are many fish so just accept contact as it comes and keep fishing yourself. Too many people try to "make" something happen with texts, calls, etc., rather than just livivng life and "letting" things happen instead.

Joined: 10/18/2008

Msg: 6 (view)

Should I be worried? Posted: 8/28/2009 4:13:31 AM
Actually Navigator 6 (and OP) that is not true...and if you don't like the word "rule" then try "overwhelmingly similar patterns of behavior" . There is a very well documented grief process that people go through when we lose a long term realtionship (death, break up, etc). And while people do go through it at different rates, it is not a process that can be accomplished in a month or two. Research suggests that a year is fast and 1-2 is the average. Remember this guy was in a relationship for 3 years and is trying to maintain that and see the OP every day as well. That's pretty classic behavior at this point and the OP should be aware this is not a quick fix. So I would agree that there may not be a "rule" regarding how we break up but we are similar in many ways in how we cope with the loss of a long term relationship. I would not give the OP any false hope that this guy might be different given his behavior.

Joined: 10/18/2008

Msg: 3 (view)

Should I be worried? Posted: 8/28/2009 3:45:20 AM
There are many things wrong with this picture and you are wise to seek a reality check on this. The first thing I would tell you is that he is in what we all know to be a "rebound" relationship with you. This is where the realtionship is based more on his inability to deal with his feelings of being lonely than his true feelings for you. The fact he wants you to move in after two months is proof of the fact he is way too needy to have a healthy relationship. The constant contact with his ex is just another sign that he can't let go. Sadly (perhaps) here is the rule. Until he can be OK by himself he will not be able to be truly OK in a relationship. That typically takes about 1-2 years (not months). Assuming no kids are involved here is what I would suggest. 1. If he is going to date you then he needs to leave his ex behind. 2. Forget about an exclusive relationship with him. You should date others and suggest that he do the same. That will help him move on from the rebound. 3. If he is really having trouble suggest he see a counselor. They can be very helpful. 4. Do not try and rescue him from being lonely by seeing him every day. Once a week is probably plenty. Finally, if you need an exclusive relationship and more frequent contact and you do not wish to date others then you should find another guy. This guy is not ready for that and if you move in....he will cheat on you as he has not healed to that point.

Joined: 10/18/2008

Msg: 6 (view)

Plz review and comment/suggest? Posted: 8/28/2009 3:30:57 AM
First I would tell you that your profile is great. It is far better than most. Your pics are great as well especially because you smile in all of them...a huge plus. About the only thing I would suggest is that you think about how you want to present that you are a parent. Remember, we are here to date you.....not your kids. We know they are part of the package but that comes later. So if you are not getting the responses you want (the only real test of a profile), then consider removing one of the pics of the kid as well as the line about him. Thats it though...you did very well.

Joined: 10/18/2008

Msg: 10 (view)

what a rich man wants Posted: 8/27/2009 7:06:09 AM
Well outside of the usual stuff that other have mentioned, there are more subtle yet important differences that go with affluence. Many times ( not all of course) money comes from taking risks in different ways. So rather than hear "what will you do if this fails" from a partner, they would rather hear "how many different ways have you figured out to make this work". Sometimes those will money actually find it very hard to focus on how they might help. There is a never ending ocean of need and almost all causes are worthwile so it would be great if a partner could look at helping others and help with the question of who, how, and when. Love, kindness, and affection are the same rich or poor. Finally, those with money who "get it" understand that they are the stewards of a resource. It is theirs to manage which goes way beyond how to spend it. They would hope that a partner could look far ahead in terms of guiding the asset rather than just concentrate on how to consume it.

Joined: 10/18/2008

Msg: 6 (view)

How often do you excuse bad behavor by saying What do you want? I'm a guy! Posted: 8/22/2009 5:38:22 PM
I think there are things that guys do that are playful and fun if you don't take us seriously (we don't). My lover will often say.. "you just such a guy" after I say or do something that is truly an act of testosterone. She laughs as do I and we just have fun. My suggestion is just "get over it". Or find yourself some politically correct dude that will act the part and cheat on you in the next week.

Joined: 10/18/2008

Msg: 5 (view)

What is with the forward openings? Posted: 8/22/2009 3:28:49 PM
Look I've seen shots of the grand canyon that were not as deep or revealing as your breast shot photos. If you don't want guys commenting on the "twins" then perhaps you might emphasize another part of your anatomy.

Joined: 10/18/2008

Msg: 8 (view)

Equally yoked? Posted: 8/21/2009 7:26:33 AM
NO of course it is not wrong, but did you really need to ask us that or did you just want a chance to rant against losers.

Joined: 10/18/2008

Msg: 6 (view)

Running Hot and Cold Posted: 8/20/2009 1:49:29 PM
Well this is a pattern for you so you cannot dismiss that you have a stake in the problem. While there is always a push-pull in new relationships, it seems like yours go to the extreme. My guess is that unknowingly you do things that pull harder when someone tries to push away just a little. Try taking life as it comes without the agenda that men should meet some sort of "presence" formula. Enjoy yourself with those that admire you as moments present themselves. If a guy does not call, don't wait, just call them or make other plans.

Joined: 10/18/2008

Msg: 7 (view)

My guy dosen't kiss/hug AT ALL sex is good tho Posted: 8/20/2009 1:43:19 PM
Physical affection is an essential part of a healthy adult relationship. It is not an optional part. While there is nothing wrong with anyone choosing to please him/her self, that has nothing to do with respect or contribution in a realtioship. Get help or get out.

Joined: 10/18/2008

Msg: 6 (view)

Do you think about the difference? Posted: 8/20/2009 1:39:27 PM
I would agree withe the above posters about the age group. There are also some truths about dating with kids that apply to all age groups. These are: 1. We are NOT dating your kids but YOU so keep the first dates without kids. 2. We want to learn about you so talk about more than what your kid did today. 3. We realize that your kids are part of the picture so have us meet them on the 3rd or 4th date and allow us (and them) to get comfortable. Its good to say spend an hour or two with the kids and then go out leaving them at home so we can have some adult time with you. 4. The demands of kids vary with age so just let us know what we can expect in terms of how much adult time you might be able to work out. 5. If your kids are monsters and you praise them anyway, we will see you as a monster as well. If your kids are monsters (like every 2 year old out there) but you work to provide appropriate dicipline we will admire you. 7. Help your kids and us learn what you want them to call us. As an example I don't care if kids call me by my first name but many parents want their kids to show respect when talking with adults. So my neighbors kids call me Mr. Steve. It works very well. Just some ideas... Best to you and the kid