Ex Girlfriends as friends? chat & forums.

Posted In Forum:

Home

MyForums

Show ALL Forums

Author

Thread: Ex Girlfriends as friends?

TheDevilsAdvocate

Joined: 10/31/2008

Msg: 16 (view)

Ex Girlfriends as friends? Posted: 11/25/2009 7:09:21 PM
I can't speak for all women, but I can speak for myself and many of the women I know: If you've put yourself into a surrogate family, it is going to be hard for you to fully dedicate yourself to any family you create with someone new. And no woman wants to walk into a relationship knowing that she and any children you have together will potentially be made into a second priority. Bottomline: You're not with your ex anymore, so behaving as though you are signals to the world that you haven't moved on and aren't really ready to open up to someone new. So most women aren't going to touch that with a ten foot pole. TDA

TheDevilsAdvocate

Joined: 10/31/2008

Msg: 4 (view)

Are more woman opting to not take their husbands last name? Posted: 11/3/2009 6:39:20 PM
I have to agree with Zephrymoon; I already have an BaH, a BEd, and am thinking about getting a law degree. Why would I make my degrees look fake by changing my last name? TDA

TheDevilsAdvocate

Joined: 10/31/2008

Msg: 2 (view)

Looking for opinions and input: No children a requirement? Posted: 11/1/2009 4:18:19 PM
Well, while trying to avoid sounding like a soulless b*tch, I can honestly say that if a person I was debating dating had a child it would be a dealbreaker for me. Why? Because the circumstances that come with having a child IS a form of baggage. I'm sorry if it offends you to put it that bluntly, but that's the way a lot of people view children. Again, why? Because you, as a father, have a link to another woman that could potentially be problematic depending on the maturity and level of sentiment/likelihood of jealous response from your child's mother. Also, you have a child that may or may not resent the presence of a "new mommy," especially if they harbour hopes of their parents getting back together (which many children d0). There is also the idea of being the new mother figure from the get-go rather than having a chance to place the emphasis on the romantic relationship. Your child will always come first, and a new woman in your life will always have to be ready to be a mother figure if she wants to take you seriously - there is no fluffy honeymoon period with a single parent. TDA

TheDevilsAdvocate

Joined: 10/31/2008

Msg: 2 (view)

The Longer it takes To Get Her in Bed..The Lousier the Lover? Posted: 10/15/2009 3:28:21 PM
You realize that there is a correlation between more partners and more experience (and thus, more skill), right? And that a woman who is generally "easier" to get into bed is likely to have had more partners than one who is more reserved. That kind of answers your question, no? TDA

TheDevilsAdvocate

Joined: 10/31/2008

Msg: 5 (view)

What's up with calling everything a head game? Posted: 10/15/2009 6:20:37 AM
OP, you have to know that women are notorious for replaying events in their heads and analysing every little feature until we've picked the meat clean. Since women (in general) tend to do this, sending mixed signals - especially when we LIKE someone and want them to feel a certain way about us - leads to much action in the brain (shall we say, an Olympic-style set of leaps, bounds, et cetera) which is why these contrary signals are referred to as a "Head Game." Think of it this way: You like someone. You want them to like you. You've called their house with the number they've given you. They don't call you back for a week. A part of you argues that they waited a week and so that must mean that you aren't that important to them. Another part argues that it's "customary" to wait a couple days before calling and thus maybe they're just playing it cool. And ON and ON and ON! Seems logical now to call it a Head Game, no? TDA

TheDevilsAdvocate

Joined: 10/31/2008

Msg: 2 (view)

Halloween.. Posted: 10/4/2009 8:32:30 PM
Honey, just have fun with it. That's the whole point! Even if you want to go as the Doppler Effect (which no one is going to "get" as a costume), then do it. Why? Because, when it comes to style and what "makes you look stupid," it's all in how you carry yourself. So, if doing something wacky suits your humour and YOU think you look amazing it'll show and people won't ostracize you. TDA

TheDevilsAdvocate

Joined: 10/31/2008

Msg: 13 (view)

First Impressions Posted: 10/4/2009 8:28:21 PM
Honestly, I find it hilarious how you phrased your question. Why? Because it fails to acknowledge the stages of a relationship. Of COURSE you're on your best behaviour on the first date. Of COURSE you put your best foot forward. It's much like a job/job interview; you sell yourself. It isn't until you get the job and start getting comfortable - dare I say even bored with the workload - that your bad habits start to come out of the woodwork. Relationships are much the same. So jumping past the "honeymoon" stage - into the part where the affection wanes and sex drives slow - from the get-go is what you're proposing. Now, in that light, you can probably answer the question yourself. TDA

TheDevilsAdvocate

Joined: 10/31/2008

Msg: 8 (view)

male virgins viewed as weak? Posted: 9/22/2009 5:01:21 AM
I don't see it as a weakness so much as a pressure cooker. I mean, really, what adult wants to walk into a situation where there is the pressure to be "The One" that it's worth loosing it to? Then there's the pressure that comes with being gentle enough to make that first time fantastic and then having to deal with ego cleanup and whatnot after the fact if they "go too soon." THEN there's pressure to stay with them for a significant period of time afterward (if not marry the person) because it was supposed to "mean something." You also have to deal with the consequences of being a First - meaning a higher emotional attachment. If you mess any of this up, you're instantly transformed into an evil person. If you DO break up, then you're the person they wasted their virginity on - if not someone who used them for sex. Really, it's just too much fuss. TDA

TheDevilsAdvocate

Joined: 10/31/2008

Msg: 2 (view)

Cute girl and easyness of number hand out Posted: 9/13/2009 7:20:11 PM
If I were her I would have kept my options open and given the numbers to both granted that I was attracted to both. Never know who is actually going to call and who is going to flake, so might as well. Ergo, I wouldn't let her giving her number to someone else deter you. TDA

TheDevilsAdvocate

Joined: 10/31/2008

Msg: 7 (view)

My girlfriend has Endometriosis Posted: 9/3/2009 2:27:16 PM
If you're having sex in water, used a silicone-based lubricant rather than a water-based one - it won't dissolve as quickly. Also, penetrate first and then go under water so you don't exacerbate the issues by increasing the pressure down there. Other than that, I don't have much advice for you. TDA

TheDevilsAdvocate

Joined: 10/31/2008

Msg: 85 (view)

Birth Control Pills...PLEASE NEED PEOPLE OPINIONS Posted: 8/29/2009 7:17:10 PM
Wow...that is so incredibly illegal. The boyfriend should be forced to shove something the size of a watermelon out his anus. Maybe then he'll understand part of why it's so wrong. 1. I'd kill him. Literally. 2. Never would it be alright. Absolutely never. It's just as unforgivable (if not more so) than a woman who doesn't take her pills without telling her significant other so that she can have a child even though he doesn't want one. 3. No. If she got pregnant and it was discovered what he did, she'd be absolutely justified in getting an abortion and suing him for the costs as well as punitive damages. 4. Sounds like the guy is a prick so regardless of talking about it, unless she agreed he was going to do it anyways. TDA

TheDevilsAdvocate

Joined: 10/31/2008

Msg: 3 (view)

Hobbies of dates that you just couldn't get/tolerate?? Posted: 8/25/2009 8:35:46 PM
Playing Magic is a big no-no for me. Also, major interest in Anime or WOW (and other popular RPGs), as well as borderline-obsessive interest in any video games. All of these have resulted in bad experiences in the past. I wouldn't refuse to date someone who had these interests, but I'd be leery. TDA

TheDevilsAdvocate

Joined: 10/31/2008

Msg: 9 (view)

You see a chap you find attractive... Posted: 8/25/2009 6:05:32 AM
You could always wait for her to leave her group to go to the bar which will usually result in her being there with one or two friends maximum. That should make it easier to talk. Of course, Cowboy has shown his usual astuteness; if we think you're cute, it doesn't take much to get our attention. TDA

TheDevilsAdvocate

Joined: 10/31/2008

Msg: 3 (view)

Never give to women. Posted: 8/25/2009 6:03:18 AM
Hmm...yes and no. The thing is, if you lavish us with attention you come off as desperate (especially given societal guidelines regarding courtship). So while expressing interest is good, the aloof person will always hold more mystery. That's not to say that you won't find someone who appreciates your open approach to relationships. If anything, some would find it refreshing. TDA

TheDevilsAdvocate

Joined: 10/31/2008

Msg: 2 (view)

Are there any girls who... Posted: 8/9/2009 6:11:28 AM
Why does it matter what is in their past so long as you like who they are in the present? I mean, trying smoking once in your life doesn't forever taint you as a smoker. Just like having one joint doesn't make you a drug addict. Seems like your expectations regarding purity are too high, especially given North American society norms. TDA

TheDevilsAdvocate

Joined: 10/31/2008

Msg: 10 (view)

Wine tastings? Really? Posted: 8/6/2009 4:36:11 AM
Well, first of all, not everyone would agree with you on what wine tastes like. Some people love it, so don't assume that your taste buds are the superior ones with statements such as, "have people really not yet figured out what wine tastes like yet?" Secondly, I've gone on wine tastings, and the point of them is the ability to try the wine before you buy it. At places like the LCBO you have to read the back and trust the description, which can result in your having an entire bottle of wine that you don't like and nothing to do with it. Since wine is sometimes expensive (say, $15-30 a bottle for a middle brand) that can suck. My favourite place, for example, is Magnotta since you get four samplings and their wine isn't all that pricey. TDA

TheDevilsAdvocate

Joined: 10/31/2008

Msg: 11 (view)

The Impossible Climb Posted: 8/6/2009 4:32:29 AM
Seems to me that she likes her current situation (relative to the city) and doesn't want it to change and so is imposing these conditions on you. That said, my advice would be to move in with her for the time being, put your name out there for pet-friendly apartments in the area, then rent one with her while keeping your house. You can rent out your house and use that income to pay for the bulk of the rent of your apartment, and you get to keep your house in case you ever need it - as long as it doesn't turn into a "Hey, why don't we move into my old house together" nagging situation. Seems like the best of both worlds. TDA

TheDevilsAdvocate

Joined: 10/31/2008

Msg: 2 (view)

Should I Give him a Second Chance? Posted: 8/3/2009 7:51:34 AM
I think you're being too harsh on him. But, of course, I'm the same way when I've been drinking. When I'm hungover I don't inflict myself on anyone just because I'm not a pretty person during the aftermath - thus I understand why he canceled. It seems like he's doing his best to secure your time in advance, which is always an amazing sign. I can see why you'd get frustrated with the cancellations, but keep in mind that life happens (with regards to the work thing) and that we all cope with pain in different ways (for the hangover bit). TDA

TheDevilsAdvocate

Joined: 10/31/2008

Msg: 6 (view)

A womans view on military men Posted: 8/3/2009 6:23:06 AM
I wouldn't even consider dating someone in the military. Why? 1) The aforementioned concerns - they go away for years at a time and can be KIA. 2) They've been indoctrinated to the point that their loyalty is first and foremost to their organization. I'd always wonder what would happen if I didn't agree with what they were doing. 3) They are able (once they've seen combat, anyways) to dehumanize people. I understand that it's necessary, but it's not something I'd take a chance on happening to me. TDA

TheDevilsAdvocate

Joined: 10/31/2008

Msg: 8 (view)

no friends Posted: 8/3/2009 6:18:28 AM
It would make me wonder why he didn't have any friends. The last guy I dated that didn't have any non-work-related friends turned out to be so socially passive that I had to poke him with a stick to get him to come out of his hole. Not something I'm willing to repeat, so now I play it safe. TDA

TheDevilsAdvocate

Joined: 10/31/2008

Msg: 8 (view)

Do you get jealous when Posted: 7/27/2009 5:56:01 PM
Actually, the Bachelor and Bachelorette are more like shows about people who are willing to primp and perfect themselves to be chosen by a potential partner - much like a hooker. I'd say that the men and women on those shows are worse than players. Now, on topic: No, I'm not jealous. However, it would cool my affections toward that person (depending on how far into it we are) as I would be made aware of the fact that I wasn't really that significant to them yet. TDA

TheDevilsAdvocate

Joined: 10/31/2008

Msg: 5 (view)

How Do You Feel? Posted: 7/12/2009 7:57:00 PM
If you don't like it, you don't have to use it. It's illogical to complain about a system you enter into voluntarily and can exit at any time. Sheesh. TDA

TheDevilsAdvocate

Joined: 10/31/2008

Msg: 2 (view)

proceed with caution? Posted: 7/12/2009 7:55:55 PM
Massive turn off. Smothering someone is never going to fly provided that the person enduring the smothering isn't a co-dependent, low self esteem kind of person. Personally, if you call me more than three times a week, I'm going to drop you like the proverbial potato. TDA

TheDevilsAdvocate

Joined: 10/31/2008

Msg: 6 (view)

for girls that went to college.... Posted: 7/5/2009 8:00:23 PM
Not really an issue for me - education does not always correlate with intelligence. However, he has to have clear goals and be able to have in-depth discussions since I like to argue with people. TDA

TheDevilsAdvocate

Joined: 10/31/2008

Msg: 25 (view)

Women VS Men separated status Posted: 7/5/2009 7:42:49 PM
From what the OP write, I detect an insinuation that females care about separation status because they're afraid that their potential love interest may be very poor very soon. I don't find that to be true. More, I see the issue with merely being separated is that the soon-to-be-ex wife may make life very difficult for the man she is divorcing and the woman he is seeing if she were to find out that he was already moving on. That, and given the contrary nature of women, once the "STBE wife" sees that her hubby can find another woman so soon, she may renege on the agreement and want some form of reconciliation. Also, keep in mind that if there are children involved, a woman who gets involved with their father before they're ready to see their parents as divorced will be alienated, targeted, and mistreated by said children. NOT something I'd sign up for. TDA

TheDevilsAdvocate

Joined: 10/31/2008

Msg: 8 (view)

sex and feelings Posted: 7/5/2009 7:37:54 PM
Well, I know it's hard for women to have sex with someone without forming some kind of romantic attachment. However, being a female who has done it once in the past, I found that the way to do it was to limit yourself to one or two times together in a month, and NOT see them socially or otherwise outside of it. I mean, yes, you want to get to know them a bit before you hop in the sack with them (at least, I did) but once that initial "friendship" has been established and you start knocking boots, best leave it to sack sessions only. That said, I'm not a fan of those kinds of arrangements. TDA

TheDevilsAdvocate

Joined: 10/31/2008

Msg: 5 (view)

Sweety is it a code lol Posted: 7/5/2009 7:31:57 PM
I only use "Sweetie" with children. So if I call you a sweetie (as opposed to sweetheart) then you're definitely in my friends zone. I cannot, however, speak for other women. TDA

TheDevilsAdvocate

Joined: 10/31/2008

Msg: 2 (view)

do women really know what they want? Posted: 7/4/2009 11:05:08 AM
Uh...how about trying a "long-winded" email. Ask some questions - make them cookey interesting questions, even. It really isn't hard if you know how to correspond with people via snail mail. TDA

TheDevilsAdvocate

Joined: 10/31/2008

Msg: 3 (view)

I need Help Ladies Posted: 7/4/2009 9:00:25 AM
Okay... 1. What does your being an African American have to do with anything in this scenario? 2. You didn't adopt her. It's not your job to fix her. 3. You aren't "letting her" live her life - she's living what she wants to live. Now it's your decision whether or not you want to ride that train. TDA

TheDevilsAdvocate

Joined: 10/31/2008

Msg: 4 (view)

Friendship vs Marriage Posted: 7/1/2009 5:49:12 PM
I asked a psychologist that once... His answer was that women and men cheat for different reasons. Men cheat out of a sense of entitlement (meaning that their girlfriends aren't giving them sex so they decide to get it elsewhere because they feel they have the right to get off) whereas women cheat for attention (meaning that they feel neglected by their significant others and thus seek some kind of vindication elsewhere). The latter is easier to empathize with, I guess. NOT that I condone cheating. TDA

TheDevilsAdvocate

Joined: 10/31/2008

Msg: 2 (view)

Is it cold feet? Posted: 7/1/2009 5:41:09 PM
Sounds genuine to me. I mean, after you've passed your 20's wasting time just doesn't seem like an option for some. Then again, he could just be dangling a carrot (or thinking he is) to get you to commit or see if you're desperate for a serious relationship. Either way, go with your gut. If you don't want to commit that fast, then don't. You have to do what's right for you. TDA

TheDevilsAdvocate

Joined: 10/31/2008

Msg: 2 (view)

Explict Emails Posted: 7/1/2009 8:55:00 AM
Harassment is "pressing and persistent" meaning that one message won't get you a harassment charge. Two or more? That'll do it. Doing it online is less pressing, though, since it isn't as though it REALLY affects your life (unless it's on FB or via email resulting in libel) beyond being annoying. I mean, you can block a user that is bugging you without too many issues. TDA

TheDevilsAdvocate

Joined: 10/31/2008

Msg: 10 (view)

buck teeth Posted: 6/30/2009 8:58:31 PM
Insecurities don't go away just because a person expresses acceptance of them. At the same time, an insecurity shouldn't be lamented and shoved down the other person's throat at every turn - it's annoying and serves no purpose. Women do it for attention is my theory. TDA

TheDevilsAdvocate

Joined: 10/31/2008

Msg: 13 (view)

How Important is proper grammar, spelling and punctuation in making a good impression? Posted: 6/30/2009 8:03:48 PM
I'm an English major; it matters to me. It can be outweighed by content, but if I'm wincing internally reading what you have to say, it's going to hurt your case. TDA

TheDevilsAdvocate

Joined: 10/31/2008

Msg: 2 (view)

Poll Posted: 6/30/2009 8:02:24 PM
Also have to say that it depends on the guy. Some guys look like hobos with a beard while others can pull it off quite nicely. TDA

TheDevilsAdvocate

Joined: 10/31/2008

Msg: 11 (view)

does not want children? Posted: 6/30/2009 6:01:36 PM
Means I'm not ready for having my own kids right now. I'm also not of the mind to have children in general, though I like OTHERS' children. TDA

TheDevilsAdvocate

Joined: 10/31/2008

Msg: 4 (view)

Why do fat women still message me? Posted: 6/30/2009 5:56:56 PM
I really, really hope that this is tongue in cheek. Truly, for the sanctity of your anus, because otherwise you're going to get violated by a lot of women. Makes a show of stepping out of the line of fire TDA

TheDevilsAdvocate

Joined: 10/31/2008

Msg: 11 (view)

Teaching in the UK Posted: 6/30/2009 2:35:51 PM
QTS Status? How do you get that, exactly? I was told that going to teacher's college in Canada would enable me to teach anywhere in the Commonwealth. lol, wow, looks like I'm going to have to verify a lot of "facts." Thank you for the link, Sallidan! I'm looking for a job for next summer, so that will definitely come in handy. TDA

TheDevilsAdvocate

Joined: 10/31/2008

Msg: 8 (view)

Teaching in the UK Posted: 6/30/2009 8:50:33 AM
Thank you for all the information! I will definitely check out the websites you recommended. TDA

TheDevilsAdvocate

Joined: 10/31/2008

Msg: 4 (view)

How many attempts? Posted: 6/29/2009 9:34:58 PM
Well...normally I'd go with the whole "No means no" routine, but it's true that profiles can be a turn off...so logically speaking, improving the profile could improve your results. Are we talking two messages within an hour? If so, that's bordering on creeper behaviour and will likely get you blocked. However, if you put a couple days in between for profile tweaking and whatnot, two messages doesn't seem like it would be taken the wrong way. You could always crack a joke about having a previously sub-par profile also, and use it as a conversation starter. More than two messages is definitely creeper-ish, though. TDA

TheDevilsAdvocate

Joined: 10/31/2008

Msg: 4 (view)

Here is a question Posted: 6/29/2009 9:15:05 PM
Blame social conditioning. Yes, there is something to be said for men being able to overcome societal pressures and open up to people, but think of all the YEARS of conditioning that each male goes through that is meant to reinforce the idea of them being hardened macho men who beat their chests and feel nothing emotionally. That, and he could very well have been hurt by someone relatively recently and thus reverted to that hush-hush module that is so emphasized. Ergo, just give it time. You can give him an ultimatum, but I doubt it would help. Naturally you can have an inner alarm set to go off after your patience limit has been used up, but letting him know that there is a timer ticking will add unnecessary pressure and probably hurt your cause. Ultimately, you have to decide what you're willing to put out there (which is determined by how much you like the guy) and go with what you need. Hope that helped somewhat. TDA

TheDevilsAdvocate

Joined: 10/31/2008

Msg: 3 (view)

Teaching in the UK Posted: 6/29/2009 8:54:32 PM
Oh...well that is unfortunate. It's much the same here, economy-wise. I had heard from a friend that the UK (specifically Scotland) was looking for intermediate/senior teachers and thus got hopeful which prompted my question. LOL, but you said you don't specifically know about the teaching profession, so I will continue to nurse some hope. And thank you! I'm planning on being an English/History teacher, so my grammar should be good, lol. TDA

TheDevilsAdvocate

Joined: 10/31/2008

Msg: 1 (view)

Teaching in the UK Posted: 6/29/2009 8:25:29 PM
Hey all! I was just wondering if anyone knows what the teaching situation (ie. jobs for high school teachers) is like in England/Scotland. Are school boards currently hiring or is it really hard to get into the schools right now? I'm asking because jobs in Canada seem limited and I'd love to spend a couple years in the UK teaching. Many thank you's! TDA

TheDevilsAdvocate

Joined: 10/31/2008

Msg: 5 (view)

Please tell me what you think of this text... Posted: 6/29/2009 8:18:52 PM
"If things continue" to go as well as they are currently going; at least, that's what the other half of that sentence seems to feel like. But, as Poster #1 stated, guys look for validation and fluffing just as much as women do, so it could very well just be that - consciously or subconsciously. TDA

TheDevilsAdvocate

Joined: 10/31/2008

Msg: 2 (view)

So let's say she rejects you.. Posted: 6/29/2009 8:15:15 PM
Don't flirt, and don't ignore. The former will make her think that you're still vying for her hand which will just make her feel awkward, and ignoring her will polarize the group who (undoubtedly) figured out that something happened and thus may feel compelled to take sides or express solidarity. Tis one of the reasons you shouldn't date in your group of friends. That said, I'd advise you to just take it back a notch. Laugh, make jokes, talk to her indirectly (so, acknowledge her, but don't make it in a cutesy flirty kind of way) and keep it somewhat cool at first before gradually warming back up in a couple weeks (but not to the point that you're flirting outright again). Best of luck. TDA

TheDevilsAdvocate

Joined: 10/31/2008

Msg: 2 (view)

A little confused here... Posted: 6/29/2009 8:11:59 PM
Doesn't seem like you did anything wrong. I mean, maybe (perchance) the whole "are you still interested" thing could have been a turn off, but otherwise nothing seems off on your end. Thus, she probably decided not to pursue something for whatever reason (ie. not having enough time, not wanting to take a risk too soon, feeling so-so about the attraction factor, et cetera). Best advice is to take it in stride and move on. TDA

TheDevilsAdvocate

Joined: 10/31/2008

Msg: 4 (view)

Skinny Guys? Posted: 6/29/2009 3:23:03 PM
Most of my exes were lanky more than athletic...so yes. But there really isn't anything like being dwarfed by a guy. It's scary but sexy at the same time. TDA

TheDevilsAdvocate

Joined: 10/31/2008

Msg: 9 (view)

desperate? Posted: 6/29/2009 12:34:51 PM
A number on the first email is a blatant "I'm casting as many lines as possible" move. It's akin to someone in a bar walking up to you and slipping their card into your hand without a word and walking off. So, I wouldn't say it's desperate so much as not looking for anything serious. TDA

TheDevilsAdvocate

Joined: 10/31/2008

Msg: 2 (view)

Women who give one-word replies. Are they acting smart, lazy or just rude? Posted: 6/29/2009 12:29:05 PM
Naturally... (Sorry, couldn't help myself). Nah, I get what you're saying. I mean, when you put effort into conversation you expect that effort to be reciprocated and matched. Kind of sucks when it isn't. TDA

TheDevilsAdvocate

Joined: 10/31/2008

Msg: 6 (view)

WOMENS PREFERENCES????? Posted: 6/29/2009 9:10:45 AM
Because people who haven't been burned are a lot less afraid of fire. In fact, you could argue that they're fascinated by it, want to play with it, et cetera. Yes, in theory, you should be careful, but what one knows in theory doesn't always translate to behaviour. However, it seems like your main issue is that you want a woman without kiddie baggage. To that I say: If you want a woman that doesn't have kids - SAY SO! TDA

Show ALL Forums