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nhsteve

Joined: 11/3/2008

Msg: 22 (view)

WTF. Posted: 10/26/2009 6:04:15 PM
^^Sweetlady, you saw this guy with another woman? Is that how you KNOW that he's with another woman? You called him on the phone and learned that he's a jerk? My God, some women just hate hate hate men. No chance at all his feelings just changed? Because, you know, that never happens .

nhsteve

Joined: 11/3/2008

Msg: 20 (view)

WTF. Posted: 10/26/2009 4:51:29 PM
Can someone please explain to me why this guy is "insecure" or a "jerk" or a bad human. He's no longer in love. What's he supposed to do? If you say I love you to someone, you must marry them now? I'll admit, I think it should have been done in person, but other than that, someone please explain why he's getting killed here.

nhsteve

Joined: 11/3/2008

Msg: 15 (view)

WTF. Posted: 10/25/2009 6:55:53 PM
No Chemistry" might be a valid excuse after one or two dates, but not after 3 months and meeting the friends and family. It's an overgeneralization for "I'm not attracted to you/you bore me/we have nothing in common/etc." I'd be angry too and call BS on him. It's more likely he's found someone else. Scottey63 What exactly are you calling BS on? Can't be realize that he just isn't feeling it any more? Anytime after dating for a week if you break up with someone you are an a$$hole? I'll grant I don't like the phone thing (he should have done it in person). But folks, it's called "dating" for a reason. It's a time to go on a prolonged interview. It usually DOESN'T work out. I'm not sure why the guy's a jerk here. I feel bad that the OP is hurt (really) but it doens't make him a bad guy by definition.

nhsteve

Joined: 11/3/2008

Msg: 16 (view)

They're not here looking for sex... booohooo Posted: 10/22/2009 4:31:15 AM
OP, I think you're looking for problems here. This is such a stretch. It didn't even occur to me to change those settings. I don't good looking for intimate encounter. And I'll guess that the women that are, a so barraged that they aren't going to come looking for me! You should try to be a bit more trusting and positive. This type of mindset will have men running - away.

nhsteve

Joined: 11/3/2008

Msg: 20 (view)

My ex-husband cheated = The sex was bad Posted: 10/18/2009 12:40:13 PM
Why does the topic of cheating in the forums never get reported for being redundant? Wishes Granted, what topic on this whole site itsn't redundant?

nhsteve

Joined: 11/3/2008

Msg: 18 (view)

My ex-husband cheated = The sex was bad Posted: 10/18/2009 12:20:27 PM
Did anyone say meow?

nhsteve

Joined: 11/3/2008

Msg: 63 (view)

Broken Up With For The Strangest Reasons Posted: 10/10/2009 6:30:42 PM
I don't think she's nuts, I think she's gutless. A big difference, IMHO.

nhsteve

Joined: 11/3/2008

Msg: 60 (view)

Broken Up With For The Strangest Reasons Posted: 10/10/2009 6:10:37 PM
IKneadU2, no offense to your skills, but I find it hard to believe that a social worker would be so sure why this woman did what she did. You have second hand information only (we all only have that) so we don’t know if she had commitment issues or not. (BTW, your profile shows that you are a massage therapist with a BA. All the social workers that I know that are licensed for anything have a Master’s degree, but maybe you are being modest in your profile in education and occupation departments. Having said that you are exceeding cute, but I digress.) My 2 cents is that she just wasn’t interested. No sex for that long is a sure sign. And most people will bend over backwards not to tell you that they aren’t feeling the love. But they’ll toss out every other excuse under the sun. I know where you are coming from. When the heart hurts, you want some reason for it. At some point you’ll realize it just doesn’t matter why she’s not there. It just matters that she’s not.

nhsteve

Joined: 11/3/2008

Msg: 48 (view)

The soft blow off, how do you handle it? Posted: 10/7/2009 8:54:26 AM
All, Please keep in mind this was meant to be a general discussion piece. Thankfully I’m beyond getting my boxers ina bunch over what someone I’ve never even met cares. Having said that, it did irk me that she was presuming that I’d accept her bull, so I chose 'B' and wrote this: “Goodness Jenn, we're all adults here, no need to beat around the bush. Best in your search.” To which she replied: “Goodness Steve, we're not all liars either. I am swamped right now, I'm starting a new business, attending a big event at the end of the month, looking for a job and visiting 2 kids in colleges on opposite ends of the state in between being on call as a volunteer for 12 hour shifts at a time. But yeah, best of luck to you too, your loss, a little patience probably would have paid off in spades. Too bad.” Not sure what to make of that, perhaps she was interested and I should have ‘played’ it differently. Lessons learned, or at the very least reaffirmed, from all (great) responses: Put all of your cards on the table early on. This includes a photo. It all comes down to physical attraction at some level. No amount of emails or calls is going to change the chemistry if the physical attraction isn’t there to begin with. Playing games is for kids. Be straight, and we can all hold our heads high. Passive aggressive behavior is always a loser. *There is no reason to get way spun up over someone that you’ve never met. Keep emotions in check. Enjoyed the thread. Great responses as always.

nhsteve

Joined: 11/3/2008

Msg: 1 (view)

The soft blow off, how do you handle it? Posted: 10/6/2009 7:56:07 AM
Not a critical question, just curious how most folks here handle the soft blow off. I'm more of a fan of just tell people that "I'm just not feeling the chemistry and we should move on to others" but that's not the norm. After a couple of emails, with a final exchange of photos, I received this: "Hi Steve, I don't mind sharing my number and chatting a bit. Unfortunately, I am swamped right now with work, volunteer work and weekend plans through Halloween. Would you mind if I sent it to you at the beginning of November? I'm not trying to hedge, it's just been crazy here and I'm on call alot through the end of the month and my cell is the way they have to contact me." While there is a 1% chance she's being honest, I've been around the block enough to know that the photo I emailed her just didn't cut it. While I wish she had just been honest instead of dancing around this, it's not the end of the world, and I'm not agonizing over this. Just got me wondering how most of you handle it? A) No reply at all. (The 'high' road if you will.) B) "Best of luck in your search." (Acknowledging that I know what the real deal is.) C) "Sure, I'll talk to you in November." (Playing the game, and not causing any friction.) Keep in mind this is more of a big picture question wondering how most of my POF peers handle the soft blow off. I'm not looking for advice on how to handle this ine email per se. Thanks!

nhsteve

Joined: 11/3/2008

Msg: 34 (view)

When do you broach the topic? Posted: 10/5/2009 7:16:21 AM
As I wrote up thread, I think you should find out why you are bitter about men. Once you determine that, you can go forward however you'd like.

nhsteve

Joined: 11/3/2008

Msg: 10 (view)

When do you broach the topic? Posted: 10/4/2009 7:57:56 PM
Wow I'm really tempted to ask what the heck you're waiting for, but I don't want to get my butt chewed. Really you have three issues. The first is that you just aren't into sex, and virtually all men are. (I know what you wrote, but it's a hard sell that you really are into sex but you haven't had it in 50 years.) The second is that if a guy would even consider this, you've made this SUCH A BIG DEAL that no one is going to want to know near this. Lastly, you are just bitter becasue of this, as shown by: So you see dating as a form of prostitution? He pays for the coffee, she puts out? I pay my own way. I don't owe him squat. We're more than just propulsion units to bring our crotches to your bedroom. I mean this in a nice way. You should get some couseling on this.

nhsteve

Joined: 11/3/2008

Msg: 1 (view)

When/if can you become friends with an ex? Posted: 8/28/2009 1:11:34 PM
What's the consensus on contacting an ex just to say hello? Does it depend on how long you've been broken up? Who did the breaking up? If someone acted like a jerk? It's been over a year and I'm finally over her, and I wouldn't mind being about to send her an email a few times a year if something strikes me, like I would for any other friend. But I don't want to be a pest, nor do I want to look pathetic. Any thoughts?

nhsteve

Joined: 11/3/2008

Msg: 4 (view)

How long is long enough? Posted: 7/13/2009 5:45:27 PM
I'd break it off now. I don't think anything is ever gained by these temporary breakups. Bottom line is either he really doesn't care, at which point you are wasting your time, or he won't care until you really move on. And that won't happen until you actually do it.

nhsteve

Joined: 11/3/2008

Msg: 59 (view)

Why is no head an automatic turn off for guys Posted: 7/10/2009 5:36:05 PM
Judy, People are trying to give you good advice. But at the same time they are telling you that you seem angry. So what is your reaction? To tell someone to Fu@k off! With no ill will intended, I think this anger could be central to some of these problems you have with guys. Something to think about.

nhsteve

Joined: 11/3/2008

Msg: 49 (view)

Why is no head an automatic turn off for guys Posted: 7/10/2009 4:41:59 PM
Frankly Judy, you just seem angry. Or bitter, it's hard for me to put my finger on it. So when the whole oral thing comes up, I bet that sounds angry too. Other chicks: Honey, I hope this isn't a huge deal to you, but I'm just not into oral. I've tried it in the past, and it's just not something I'm into. Everything else is so good, that I'm sure you'll understand this one thing. Possibly you: That's disgusting. I'm not putting that in my mouth so don't even try it. Yes you have the right to not do anything you don't want to do. But guys sniff out bitterness and run away from it. And this seems like the oral thing, and they way you address it, could be the straw that breaks the camel's back.

nhsteve

Joined: 11/3/2008

Msg: 2 (view)

Got broken heart. Then do the math how many choices you got now Posted: 6/10/2009 2:31:34 PM
Not that it matters, either for this thread, or the math, but that's 6 billion Einstein, not 60.

nhsteve

Joined: 11/3/2008

Msg: 18 (view)

i know its been said before, buttt.... Posted: 6/5/2009 12:19:24 PM
I think this thread is going to go down hill fast but. . . All men are not the same. So you may have REAL, LEGIT, reasons for trusting a guy or two guys, but that doesn't apply to the other 3 billion on the planet. You are 20. Mommy doesn't tell 20 year olds who they should and should not see. Make your own decisions. However one of those decisions should be to not meet a guy that you don't know at his house. If I was 20 and a girl I didn't know wanted to meet me at my house, I'd be thinking she was coming over for sex. I'm thinking things haven't changed all that much in the last few years. I mean no insult or disrespect, but I think you have some growing up to do, and I don't think you are as savvy as you may think. Perhaps you should consider a break from dating for a while.

nhsteve

Joined: 11/3/2008

Msg: 15 (view)

Does not understand Posted: 6/3/2009 7:40:41 PM
Not buying this for a second. From her profile she seems like a drama queen. As Tryin Hard pointed out, she's been on here for over a year. If she was so "in love" she wouldn't be here. I smell a troll.

nhsteve

Joined: 11/3/2008

Msg: 4 (view)

Seeing ex tomorrow Posted: 5/6/2009 4:46:05 AM
I concur with what other have said. You need to stay away. Right now, he is getting what he wants from you, which is an emotional "high" knowing that he can still pull your strings. You aren't getting anything, other than the false hope that this is going anywhere. Tell him that this isn't working for you, and that you are going to move on. And they do it. If he ever comes to you with anything substantive, you are always free to listen. But he has no incentive to alter his playing ways.

nhsteve

Joined: 11/3/2008

Msg: 6 (view)

Its all gone quiet!! Do i text him?? Posted: 5/2/2009 4:59:48 PM
First I'd try to slow down a bit. Admitedly hard I agree, but it can't hurt. I'd sit back and wait at this point. Let him take the lead. Let him woner what YOU are up to.

nhsteve

Joined: 11/3/2008

Msg: 4 (view)

Why are these guys on this site so full of it. Posted: 4/15/2009 1:04:16 PM
Just one issue on this in 75% of all posts here. It's not a male or female issue! There are players / narcissists / rude behavior / cheating / etc/ by BOTH sexes here. One sex doesn't have a monopoly on sainthood. Wheww. Please continue with normal programming . . .

nhsteve

Joined: 11/3/2008

Msg: 6 (view)

Confused as to what is going on in his head Posted: 4/15/2009 12:07:19 PM
^^^^^ and above. Please. We all know what she means by a relationship. Let's not be myopic. You have a relationship with your mailman too, do you want to count that?? Didn't think so. We don't have enough info to know what he is thinking. I do think that men are better at separating feelings from sex than women are. I've had three fwb relationships, and afterward, two said that they had hoped it would turn into more. Not sure of the third. Bottom line is you want him to be a boyfriend with the possibilities of more. So you need to tell him that. You will increasingly be unhappy until you get this resolved. And you will be more and more emotionally involved, no matter how you couch this to yourself. Have a talk, out of bed, about it. Don't make it a major deal, but be clear. You could even do it over the phone if you wanted. (But please don't text. Sooooo much gets lost by not hearing a voice, especially on something like this.) Something like: "As we've spent more time together, it's become clear to me that I'd like more out of this relationship than FWB. I know this is how we started, but I want a boyfriend, not just a bed buddy."

nhsteve

Joined: 11/3/2008

Msg: 2 (view)

Not into him but don’t want to leave him hanging..should I return his call of 2 wks ago? Posted: 4/14/2009 8:23:47 PM
After one date and you aren't interested, not calling back is acceptable, as far as I'm concerned. I'd get the hint. Frankly after a good date, I usually get a call or text from her within a day or two. He figured it out and didn't perster you. Sounds like a well adjusted guy. (Is the any chance you regret that he didn't chase a bit???) At this point what are you going to do? Call him and tell him that you aren't interested after two to three weeks? How the heck is that going to work? He got your hint loud and clear. Let it be.

nhsteve

Joined: 11/3/2008

Msg: 10 (view)

Are financially secure women threatening to men ? Posted: 4/14/2009 8:19:08 PM
I have to admit that I get very tired of all the "are men threatened by "tall" or "sexy" or "educated" or "financially secure" women." I think what many of these questions really are stating is "I'm financially secure or tall or whatever, and I can't get a guy, so that must be it. Not saying that the OP is guilty of it, but it seems to be a reoccuring theme. Men are like women. Confident well adjusted people of all kinds are not intimidated by any of these things. Anoyed when they are thrown in our faces perhaps, but threatened, no.

nhsteve

Joined: 11/3/2008

Msg: 3 (view)

so what do men really want in bed whats really thier favorit position? Posted: 4/14/2009 1:32:51 PM
All men are different, like all women are different. Having said that, I do think that most men like doggie style the best. I've found that women like that too, second only to woman on top. I think guys like the lights on because we are visual creatures. We like to see you, your body and your reaction. Consider it a compliment. And a lot of me do like the idea of threesomes, but not all. Keep in mind that the fantasy if frequently better than the reality. I've know several men that loved threesomes until their lover was gasping in orgasm at another's touch, and the fantasy quickly turned to jealousy. Be carful what you ask for!

nhsteve

Joined: 11/3/2008

Msg: 19 (view)

Why I stood you up! Posted: 4/14/2009 1:11:14 PM
Well did he take the picture or not? You say that he did, then you say maybe not. How the heck are we supposed to know? Seriously, if you have to ask about seeing him again, nothing we are going to say is going to help you. You are 57. 57!! You're not 17. If you are ashing this question after dating men for 40 years, you are beyond help. You are clearly attacted to this type of caddish behavior, so go for it! Seriously, you are attracted right?

nhsteve

Joined: 11/3/2008

Msg: 23 (view)

Anal Sex (Good for the Goose as it is for the Gander?) Posted: 4/6/2009 7:48:01 AM
The OPs question presumes that anal is some type of sacrifice that is being done for the guy. Something that women hate, or will cause them pain, that is merely for the man. Most of my girlfriends, have asked me to give them anal, not the other way around. Two have said that they love anal, and not having it is a show stopper. So let's stop portraying this as some type of major sacrifice for all women out there. It's not. And bella. You clearly don't know your body, medicine or much about sex. Quick talking out you’re a$$.

nhsteve

Joined: 11/3/2008

Msg: 17 (view)

clarify my post... Posted: 3/27/2009 1:03:14 PM
You should take a deep breath. You are clearly very angry. This type of thing (or worse) happens to us all. You need to be in a "place" were you just brush this off and move on. You are putting too much of your heart into a potential relationship way too early. There is no way a guy who you don't know should have this effect on you.

nhsteve

Joined: 11/3/2008

Msg: 18 (view)

I can't ask this in the Girl section... Posted: 3/27/2009 11:57:17 AM
^^^^ Wow! 'nuff said!

nhsteve

Joined: 11/3/2008

Msg: 28 (view)

Question about pseudo blowjobs Posted: 2/22/2009 1:25:24 PM
Well, someone has to buck the trend, it might as well be me. Everyone, and I mean everyone likes honesty, as long as it's positive. But once it's honesty that someone might not like, look the hell out. You were honest, everyone on this site talks about honesty, and they when you are, you're a jerk! Everyone is the sex section talks about communication, and then when you do, you're a jerk again! It seems like if you are going to have a discussion about sex techniques, it should be, well, in bed, not over lunch. "Honey, how's the steak cooked? How is little Timmy doing in English class? About your blowjobs . . ." None of us knows what your delivery was, or how she was giving the oral. But if you were civil, seems like you did OK. I had a girlfriend who would begrudgingly give me oral about twice a year. She would then run, run, off the the bath room, loudly spit, gargle, brush and gargle again. She wondered after this production why I didn't want her to try again on my birthday. I too have had the had the hand job masquerading as a blow job. Usually it's because the woman in question just isn't that into oral. I'm not talking that she has to deep throat or anything. But if it's 90% hand and 10% month, she giving you a hand job. It seems to me that if you don't like that, you have the option of communicating that. Providing you weren't a**** and I don't see how you were, she doesn't have the right to get all pissed off. And if she is, it seems to me that's because she know's she's making a half hearted effort, and you called her on it.

nhsteve

Joined: 11/3/2008

Msg: 6 (view)

How do I stop? Posted: 2/16/2009 8:58:40 AM
I takes a lot of time. Pure and simple. Some day you will actually go five minutes without thinking about him. The six, them seven. Talk to friends. It does help. And get out and do things. Even going to the mall, movies, just walking around. And keep in mind that he didin't treat you well, and at some point, you'll get a little pissed off! And remember that there are about 3,000,000,000 (really) on the planet. He isn't the only one out there to make you feel great and in love. There are many others! Good luck.

nhsteve

Joined: 11/3/2008

Msg: 20 (view)

Just a card - or something more? Posted: 2/8/2009 7:58:21 AM
Wow! I'm surprised at the opinions at each end of the spectrum on this. While I appreciate the OP not giving us every detail of the relationship (as noted previously) could you tell us what this guy was like? Was he sarcastic? Mean spirited? Nasty? I'm one of the ones that think he's just trying to share some memories with you, and to let you know that you are still, at least partially in his heart. I think he'd just like to be able to look back on the relationship with good feelings. If he had mentioned that "We are having a great time" or that "My new girlfriend and I are having a great time" then that would be a big dig. I think his past experience with you is a big indicator of what is meant. But I didn't get a nasty vibe at all. Whenever I spoke ill of people within earshot of grandma, she'd always say "You feel how you do" meaning if you think people are being jerks, than you probably feel that way about others. Maybe that's true, maybe not. But I'm surprised at the amount of people that think he's being a azz. You folks must have been screwed over!

nhsteve

Joined: 11/3/2008

Msg: 4 (view)

Just a card - or something more? Posted: 2/6/2009 1:51:15 PM
He could be trying to dig at you I suppose. But sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. It's hard to know. To me at least, he sounds like a nice guy (from the taking you to vacation and the nice post card standpoint.

nhsteve

Joined: 11/3/2008

Msg: 11 (view)

Sad Pants Posted: 2/2/2009 11:22:20 AM
I learned a long time ago - the hard way - that getting a divorce = married. And married people are still married for a reason. Nothing good is going to happen by 'dating' a married guy. Move on.

nhsteve

Joined: 11/3/2008

Msg: 9 (view)

scorned and spited. how to deal,what do i do? Posted: 2/2/2009 10:25:24 AM
Nick Nack needs to learn about lower case letters. Nick Nack needs to stop using third person.

nhsteve

Joined: 11/3/2008

Msg: 16 (view)

Dating advice and getting to her place Posted: 1/22/2009 4:08:41 PM
^^^ You untrusting thing! I should have said to her OR MY place. I'm single and unattached! And I appreciate all the help, from all of you!

nhsteve

Joined: 11/3/2008

Msg: 3 (view)

Dating advice and getting to her place Posted: 1/22/2009 10:21:13 AM
Wishes Granted, Thanks much for the input. Our first date was right after Christmas. So I'd guess once a week or so. She's always willing to go out, so that's not it. I know that she's still "up" on the site I met her at so that it probably factoring into my concern.

nhsteve

Joined: 11/3/2008

Msg: 39 (view)

he's still on POF Posted: 1/22/2009 10:08:53 AM
Seems like way too much drama here. Exclusive after only two dates? Exclusive with no sex? Really to drop him and never communicate with him? Pissed off much? Calm down, and have a conversation with the guy. Hear him out. You have the rest of your life to get your thongs in a bunch if you don't like what he has to say. To be honest, I think you're a bit high strung.

nhsteve

Joined: 11/3/2008

Msg: 1 (view)

Dating advice and getting to her place Posted: 1/22/2009 10:02:59 AM
I've gone out of five dates with a woman, 46. We've had a great time. We've also done a fair amount of kissing in my car, after dates 2, 3 and 4. In order to make my dates feel at ease, I usually meet them at the dating venue. "Let's meet at IHOP at 7" as opposed to "I'll pick you up." (Just kidding on the IHOP thing.) Usually after a date or two, I'll get the, "Why don't you just pick me up at my place." But I haven't heard that from Emily. Everything else is going well, but I get the feeling that I'm being held at arms length for some reason. Not that I want to take her to bed, but I'd like to take the physical portion a bit further, as I want to take the relationship as a whole. And I don't want to feel up my 46 year old date in the parking lot of the omniplex. Two questions. 1) Am I making this a big deal and it's not, and, 2) How should I proceed to get some quality alone time, if you don't think there is a problem? God knows I look like an idiot asking this! It just has me a bit perplexed for some reason. Thanks in advance.

nhsteve

Joined: 11/3/2008

Msg: 11 (view)

Confused Posted: 1/22/2009 9:03:44 AM
God knows I have harped on lack of closure more than most on this site for the last few months. I'm a huge closure fan. But after one date?? This is way too much. Most stand up guys that I know feel that after the first 1-3 dates (presuming no sex) neither person needs to formally cut of the relationship(??) If in this short timeframe, you don't hear from the other person, it's not there. If you are really concerned after the first date and ask about it, you should get a response, I agree. I'm sorry that you are hurting, I really am. And you seem like a really nice girl. But if you really need closure rafter one date, I think you really need to reassess how much you are putting into someone after only a couple hours.

nhsteve

Joined: 11/3/2008

Msg: 14 (view)

Another EMAIL break up!!! ... Posted: 1/19/2009 8:03:37 AM
I agree with Tryin Hard on this. You dated for 2 1/2 years. That's a long time, got it. What would have happened if you came on here and wrote that you've been dating a guy for almost 2 1/2 years, and then a friend of yours saw your boyfriend on here, saying that he was single, and looking? We'd be lining up here ready to kill the guy! We'd be absolutely hacking the guy to death! But you think that's not a big deal. Not sure why you are getting a pass, especially from some of the women that have answered. Your comment I joined for a couple of days then took my profile off. I was distracting myself from what I knew was coming. Distracting yourself? What the fu@k does that mean? You were here to actively cheat on your bf of over two years. You don't get a pass on that in my book. And I'm not going to cry for you on that. So maybe the guys senses that you are pulling away. Who knows what vibe you are putting out. So he sends you an email. Yeah, I hate that too. Many on this site think that's OK for some reason. At least he didn't leave you hanging. He said he would call you that day, and he did. You chose not to take the call. And you choose not to answer the email. Who knows what he was going to say. Maybe he wanted to find out how you were feeling? I agree with Tryin Hard. Is he a choir boy? No. But I think he's trying. At least he sent an email and was willing to talk that day. You chose not to engage in either way. And since you were on this site well before the breakup, you're not driving on the high road either. Answer the email, and tell him you want to get him his stuff back. Be polite, be stand up. Perhaps you get back some of that moral high ground that you don't have a right to be on now. Sorry you are hurting, I really am.

nhsteve

Joined: 11/3/2008

Msg: 2 (view)

Sad and a bit burt Posted: 1/18/2009 12:06:53 PM
Theresa, I'll admit that he could have handled this differently. But I think you need to try and not invest so much of yourself into someone that you haven't even gone out on a date with. I know that's hard. Sometimes you seem to click so well with someone that you can't wait to chat with them. But personally, I work really hard to put the breaks on my emotions as much as I can for the first few dates (dates, not emails). Take a deep breath, take a step back and try to slow down. Good luck.

nhsteve

Joined: 11/3/2008

Msg: 16 (view)

Would you break the no contact rule to return stuff to your ex Posted: 1/17/2009 1:45:30 PM
I agree with ursula. I all depends on how the break up went, how long ago it was, and what the stuff is. If he 'took it well,' and you think he's doing fine, then I think it would be OK. Might even be a step toward some type of friendship. (Having said that, I think most people aren't looking for friend after a breakup. Afterall, you both "signed up" if you will for a lovers relationship, not a friendship.) How long has he/she been living without this stuff and what is it? What do you still have? An old tee shirt and a hammer? Is it something he really can't live without? If it's an old pair of jeans, you have to ask why you are tryin so hard to get it back. If you don't think he's over you, (or he doen't think you are over him) then it's a bad idea. Let sleeping dogs lie. Why stir up all the old emotions and hopes? I just don't see what the up side is of opening up all of these emotions again. So I guess my answer is "It depends."

nhsteve

Joined: 11/3/2008

Msg: 29 (view)

It just doesnt make sense Posted: 1/13/2009 10:23:40 AM
I have to say that Iwouldn't go to his apartment either. It seems a bit stalkerish. And to be honest, what are the chances that he's "fallen and he can't get up?" OP, I know that it hurts. It totally sucks. But unfortunaly, a lot of people use the disappearing act to break up. You just have to move on the best you can and get .00001% better each day.

nhsteve

Joined: 11/3/2008

Msg: 36 (view)

Guy won't take your calls because you were going to dump him Posted: 1/11/2009 5:12:18 AM
I can not get over how many people out there that have nothing better to do than nit pick at someones post. Galaxyquest, You are 100% correct, and I was thinking the same thing. The OP wanted to vent. Nothing that overboard. If posters didn't have something constructive to say, not to mention something down right rude, just move on to the 10,000 other open posts. Mama's statment about not saying anything if you don't have anything nice to say should apply here.

nhsteve

Joined: 11/3/2008

Msg: 2 (view)

I'm not ready, he is....should I still call? Posted: 1/8/2009 10:47:31 AM
I'd let him go for two reasons. First, I think once you begin a relationship, it's hard to put the break on and start it up later. Don't think emotions work that way. And if he's into you and you aren't into him, eventually, there will be friction as one is getting what they want, and one isn't. Second, I'm not sure if you are really "into" him or not. The heart has a away of overriding the head. And I think if you truly could love him, you wouldn't risk letting him go.

nhsteve

Joined: 11/3/2008

Msg: 31 (view)

Should I rekindle the relationship? Posted: 1/5/2009 8:28:08 PM
Well, what the hell, I'll be the outlier I'd like to know how long you've been apart. Pardon in advice if I missed it in here somewhere. Why not give it a chance? What does it really cost you? You haven't moved on yet obviously. It's not like you are over him, and just re-opening the wound. It's open now. I'd sit down and talk to him. Ask him what he want's out of this relationship. Tell him what you want. Really communicate. Then honestly tell him that you are giving this another chance (above conversation permitting) but he has a short leash. But know your boundaries and be prepared to exercise them. And tell yourself, heck right yourself a note, that if he does X, Y or Z you are walking. And then walk if you have to, with the knowledge that you gave it and him, your all. Good luck either way. You seem like a really nice woman.

nhsteve

Joined: 11/3/2008

Msg: 29 (view)

Ding! Ding! Ding! I have the winner! Posted: 1/2/2009 6:23:50 AM
Everybody, Thanks much for letting me very. Thanks again for all the advice, and most importantly the condolences. I'm still angry about it, but I'll do my best and put it behind me, but it's going to take a lot of time. Hope you all have a great New Year, and thanks again!

nhsteve

Joined: 11/3/2008

Msg: 41 (view)

Please stop treating me like a sex object!!! Posted: 1/1/2009 11:39:21 AM
I've lurked on this thread for a while, not quite know what to make of it. We are ALL treated like sex objects sometimes both men and women. And we all take it with a grain of salt. Some times its flattering, sometime annoying. And if it happens too much, we reassess what we are doing of how we are presenting ourselves. I have been on dates, been a girlfriend, and a wife, a mother, and still have yet to see someone treat me like I deserve! I AM ONLY HUMAN!!! Once I read this though, it's clear to me that you have some issues. I'd have to say you have some self-assessment to do. There is an adage that says "When you have the same problem with different people all the time, it's not them, it's you. If in your whole life you "still have yet" to be treated like you deserve, than you have issues that you need to address. I'm not being snarky at all. You should take this issue to a professional counselor.

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