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des_angel

Joined: 11/4/2008

Msg: 4 (view)

Lone Wolf or Not? Posted: 5/9/2009 1:31:02 PM
When I'm out with a big group of friends and I see a guy by himself at the bar, I'll invite him to play darts with us or something. My friends have even jokingly called these guys "Destiny's Stray Puppies." Sometimes we hang out again, sometimes not.. but I know if my friends or I run into them again, at least they'll know somebody. There's nothin wrong with going out alone. I do it occasionally, but not too often. But I would advise against lying about being there alone. That's just not necessary. Also... why not chat it up online? What makes you look so awful online?

des_angel

Joined: 11/4/2008

Msg: 6 (view)

How does the internet hurt or help your relationship? Posted: 5/9/2009 1:26:46 PM
perhaps victim was the wrong word to use. The writer in me has a flare for the dramatic.

des_angel

Joined: 11/4/2008

Msg: 3 (view)

How does the internet hurt or help your relationship? Posted: 5/9/2009 12:59:33 PM
Look--the internet can't do anything. People do those things, and you can let them or not let them in real life just like you can on the internet. Socializing on the internet takes some of the same personal skills as socializing in real life. Assertiveness comes to mind as an example. NICE! I like your points. They're valid and ring true. Despite this, though, people still allow the interruption into their lives. I know when my ex posts a new status message, I want to look at it. I want to disect it and exract meaning. Why? Because I'm human and female, that's why. lol. I don't think I'm alone here. But, I do stop myself from going overboard. I just like to see what's going on.

des_angel

Joined: 11/4/2008

Msg: 1 (view)

How does the internet hurt or help your relationship? Posted: 5/9/2009 12:17:15 PM
So, we're all here. We're chatting on this forum on an online dating site, so it's safe to assume that we're all at least open to the possibility of finding somebody on Internet Avenue (the busiest street in the world... built over oceans and mountains). Personally, I have met several people from the internet, and I've found that the internet has given me more than it's taken from me. This is especially true when it comes to my love life. I'm not saying I can't find someody in the real world, but I am saying there's a level of comfort that can be acheived through getting to know somebody on the technicalogical information highway before seeing them face to face. I have the chance to show them parts of my personality while wearing no make up and my fave sweat pants with the hole in the crotch. The internet can act like a buddy who likes to matchmake thier friends... but they can also act like a meddling friend who likes to butt into your relationships and tear them apart. Of course you don't realize this until the relationship is already established. Common networking sites (MySpace, FaceBook, Twitter, etc.) make it possible to track your friends' every moves. It also makes it possible to tell the world too much about your personal lives and relationships. Ex boyfriends/girlfriends can and often do pop up out of the woodwork... and since there's no convection of tone, a small comment can be read in a wrong way. So, tell me... What's the best approach when the internet is responsible for certain aspects of your relationship? Or is there no best approach... are we all just victims of human condition vs. modern technology?

des_angel

Joined: 11/4/2008

Msg: 14 (view)

Friend in trouble Posted: 5/9/2009 12:06:18 PM
The perils of using the internet. They could both lay off Facebook-! NO! I love facebook! lol!

des_angel

Joined: 11/4/2008

Msg: 24 (view)

Thinking about someone else while in a relationship? Posted: 5/9/2009 12:02:14 PM
Thank you des_angel for such inacurate and completly false generalisation of what men MIGHT be thinking of (it's offensive for the rest of us); ok, maybe all the men YOU surround YOURSELF with might have that pattern..but it is not the way men do think at all. So you're telling me that men don't think about sex a lot? They don't see a billboard with a sexy woman and a bud light and they don't even have a twinge of curiosity of what it'd be like to be with her? Okay... sorry for being so off about that. Sorry if I'm offensive, but The Rock Man was way off base, too. He assumed because she had a fleeting thought during a rough patch that she's always thinking about her ex while in bed with her new guy. Wasn't that, too, a false assumption? And, yeah.. I have a lot of guy friends (some of them are in ltr and some are single) and they're all horndogs when you get down to the basics of it. I'm not saying I can't trust a guy because of it... far from it. I'm just saying we shouldn't let the fleeting thoughts of our commited lovers to rule our lives. Actions speak louder than words... they speak louder than thoughts, too.

des_angel

Joined: 11/4/2008

Msg: 22 (view)

Thinking about someone else while in a relationship? Posted: 5/9/2009 11:36:49 AM
The Rock Man wrote :1. check the motives of the friend that shared the texts with you. 2. The next time your having sex, start to scream out the ftf's name. When she acts weird about it, ask her why it's any different for her to be thinking about him then it is for you to! Than do a money shot, and leave. She's thinking about another man while she is with you. Picturing it being him touching her and making her feel alive and loved. Not you! That should be enough! WOAH, slow your roll. So it's a crime to have thoughts? Let's pic the brains of men for a little while, shall we? They say it's something like every 18 seconds the male mind thinks about sex. And you're going to sit there and tell me that when a guy thinks about sex a million times a day not one of those times is ever about an ex girlfriend, lover, girl he saw at the coffee shop this morning? You, mister, have major trust issues. For you to jump from a brief concern she had a while back (which she didn't act on) to her thinking about her ftf (what is that exactly?), while having sex with her current man shows that no woman is ever going to have a chance with you. Are you this distrusting of all women, or did somebody once hurt you and you assume it's going to happen to everybody else, too? Newsflash... and this is for everybody. EVERYBODY THINKS OF OTHER PEOPLE FROM TIME TO TIME. Now... ask yourself the following... Do I love myself? Do I trust myself? Will I listen to my gut instincts? And will I always let honesty have a chance before assumption? OP... talk to your girl. The best sex happens when the lines of communication are open. Tell her what the friend told you. Ask her point blank what her concerns are... if any. And then tell her what yours are. Try to avoid shouting... just talk. Speak to each other like you mean something to one another... and then make love and move the **** on.

des_angel

Joined: 11/4/2008

Msg: 11 (view)

Friend in trouble Posted: 5/9/2009 11:19:19 AM
If she wants to be friends first, then what's the big deal? A lot of people date more than one person at a time, and it doesn't mean any of those people aren't special or potential relationship material. But when things are starting out fresh, it's best not to put all your eggs in one basket. When this girl was hurt by a JOKE from another woman concerning a man she wasn't in a commited relationship with she didn't do anything but reveal herself to be an insecure and jealous person who doesn't trust anybody (including herself). It's actually in his best interest not to continue with her until she learns to love herself a little bit more. Why should he walk on eggshells because she can't get over herself and see thebig picture?

des_angel

Joined: 11/4/2008

Msg: 32 (view)

Mr, Mrs Right or RIGHT NOW Posted: 4/13/2009 3:55:33 PM
did you tell other guys that you were having a physical relationship with ex? Is this for me? Because if it is, the answer is no. It's not that I'm hiding it... but these other guys I'm meeting rarely last past the first date. That's mostly because I'm focusing on me right now, and if I don't feel a spark, I don't pursue. I don't know who else they're seeing, but I'm assuming they're not monks. I'm assuming they're playing the field as much as I am. IF things were to get serious with a guy, and he wanted exclusivity, I would open up and tell him. IF I wanted to be exclusive with Mr. New, I would tell Mr. Right Now that we're strictly platonic.

des_angel

Joined: 11/4/2008

Msg: 31 (view)

Mr, Mrs Right or RIGHT NOW Posted: 4/13/2009 3:52:25 PM
As I want a long-term relationship, I don't think my heart would really be in it after I realized that it was never going to "work" long-term. If I felt that way I would probably break it off because it would seem pointless to remain in something from that point on that would be stagnant. I get that. And during my break from Mr. Right Now, I really contimplated all that. I came up with the solution that I'm focused on me right now. I'm focused on starting my business and getting all of my affairs back in order. Right now I'm not looking for anything serious. It won't always be the case, but when I'm most hoest with myself, this is the solution I always come up with. So I figured since I'm not going to be looking for anything serious, I'm going to take the less serious route for the time being. In essense... Mr. Right Now. But I do want to meet Mr. Right... some day.

des_angel

Joined: 11/4/2008

Msg: 28 (view)

Mr, Mrs Right or RIGHT NOW Posted: 4/13/2009 3:43:17 PM
1) are you and Mr. Right Now taking every precaution possible that you don't complicate the whole matter with babies? We do use protection. I'm not gonna lie, though. There were a couple of times when I was late that I got a bit freaked out... but they both turned up not-preggers. So we must be doing something right. 2) have you and he talked about what you will do if either of you gets serious with someone else? Not really. I did express to him that the hooking up isn't an attempt to get back together with him. I did tell him that I enjoy his friendship and even if we didn't have the physical part I would hope a friendship was still possible. And then I told him that for now I really like the physical part and I'm not getting it elsewhere. He agreed that he's also not getting it elsewhere... so we agreed that a FWB situation is best. Though we're not talking it to death, I really feel like we're on the same page.

des_angel

Joined: 11/4/2008

Msg: 15 (view)

4 months on and still pining Posted: 4/12/2009 5:07:44 PM
There's NOTHING wrong with being vulnerable and putting yourself out there. There's NOTHING wrong with wanting something. There's NOTHING wrong with feeling hurt. Your hurt is real and I acknowledge it... I would never laugh at your pain. Ignore all who do. In many ways you're younger than 35 because you've been married or in a LTR all these years. You're just getting your footing back. You're relearning the game... and the game likes to change on us. You're doing good... you'll be okay... everything will be okay. You're not a bad person and I think you're a brave soul for putting it out there for strangers to read and ultimately judge. Good Job.

des_angel

Joined: 11/4/2008

Msg: 3 (view)

Let me try again - Loooong Posted: 4/12/2009 5:03:23 PM
I think everybody wants a companion like that. It sounds like you need a best friend who turns into a lover. All I gotta say is just be honest with yourself. Keep an open heart and an open mind. Always speak from your heart, and somebody will see the beautiful inside of you. It may take time, but please don't become jaded. Sometimes it's an effort not to become jaded... but it's possible. With love, all things are possible.

des_angel

Joined: 11/4/2008

Msg: 5 (view)

Spending $30,000 or more on a wedding. Posted: 4/12/2009 4:57:00 PM
Hmm... I think the more expensive weddings are starting to fizzle in the stylish department. I think it's actually more trendy to do a wedding on a budget these days. I've never been the type of girl who plans out her wedding before she knows who the groom is, but I will say that if I ever get married it will be a reflection of who I am. I like to have style. I like nice looking clothes... but those clothes don't have to be expensive. I can totally rock a pair of sunglasses bought at Dollar General. It's all about perspective. Even when it comes to dating. I don't care if you take me to the Four Seasons Hotel for dinner or if you take me to the local dive bar for cheap shot night. If we're having fun, I don't care how much money is involved. As for my future wedding day if I ever get married I see it being fairly simple, but still stylish and cute.

des_angel

Joined: 11/4/2008

Msg: 5 (view)

Mr, Mrs Right or RIGHT NOW Posted: 4/12/2009 4:50:55 PM
I was dating a guy for a lil while last year. He broke it off because he wasn't "ready" for where things were headed. We ended up continuing the physical part of the relationship (more like FWB than dating), and I continued to have feelings for him. It was a dangerous situation, really. Dangerous emotionally, that is. I was setting myself up for a world of hurt. I took some time away from him (6 weeks with absolutely zero contact), and I recentered myself. Last week I called him up for a hook-up, and we did. It was great, as always, but something was different. I wasn't as hung up on him as I had been. It's very easy for me to see him as just a friend with benefits. Essentially, he's Mr. Right Now... when I'd previously convinced myself he was Mr. Right. I'm still dating other guys, and he knows about it. But I'm not sleeping with anybody else. And if I get to a point where I want to see somebody else seriously, I'll stop the FWB situation with my ex. Until then I'm sticking with Mr. Right Now... and I think he sees me the same way. We're not forever, but we're fun.

des_angel

Joined: 11/4/2008

Msg: 14 (view)

The biggest double standard Posted: 4/12/2009 4:45:19 PM
Mr. Saturday Night Special: I think I see what you're saying. You're saying if the woman has enough guts to say she finds another man more attractive than you, then it's okay to say something like "He probably wouldn't like you anyways." Okay.. I'll agree with that. It IS tit for tat in that case. I was thinking more of a scenario where you just pointed out some good looking dude and reminded her that she didn't have a chance with him. In my mind you were doing this unprovoked in an effort to "keep" her attention on you. Please don't ever do THAT, lol. I will say that playful jabbing is a great flirtation tactic. I enjoy it very much.

des_angel

Joined: 11/4/2008

Msg: 10 (view)

4 months on and still pining Posted: 4/12/2009 4:37:32 PM
Oh honey, I'm so sorry. This doesn't look good at all. In essence I agree with the other posters... you really need to just move on. It's easy to say I should've known better... but in the heat of the moment it's easier to listen to hormones and your racing heart than it is to listen to your brain. Good sex can mess with a girl's mind. Believe me, I know. When it's good in the bedroom we want it to be good everywhere else too... but there comes a time when ya got to call a spade a spade. I hope you understand better now that some guys are just full of crap. They'll say whatever they think you'll want to hear to get what they want from you. The best offense is a good defense. Take some time out for you... get to know yourself and figure out what you want exactly. Once you have a better grasp on what you want, it will be easier to spot what you don't want... and more importantly, what you don't NEED.

des_angel

Joined: 11/4/2008

Msg: 8 (view)

The biggest double standard Posted: 4/12/2009 4:22:03 PM
Mr. Saturday Night Special:a.) Don't mention anything about girls that you think are attractive, and if she catches you, don't let her ashame you for being a guy. You're proud of your masculinity, aren't you? b.) Neutralize the situation in some way. Some good tips are to say "Yeah, but he probably wouldn't like you anyways." or say "Yeah, he probably feels the same way, but I think he's intimidated by your boyfriend." Women love to try to get the upper hand on you and make you feel inferior. They also like to see what they can get away with. As long as you come across as more dominant than pretty-boy over there, you're golden. HAHAHAHAHAHA. Well, it's nice to know you're not insecure. I like the line of "he's intimidated by your boyfriend." but I don't like the "He probably wouldn't like you anyways." What the hell, man? Way to make a girl feel like she's special. She's going to wonder what it is exactly that you like... Even if she plays it off as a joke... deep down she'll wonder what caused you to say something like that. And if she's not likable, then why are you here? Basically it's kinda cute when you SLIGHTLY cut down the other guy... but it's NEVER cute to cut down the girl. Don't do it... just don't. As for being dominant... well... I find it kind of sexy when a man takes charge a lil bit. As long as he's not chauvanistic, masoganistic or domineering. But if it's in the bedroom... it's hot, lol.

des_angel

Joined: 11/4/2008

Msg: 34 (view)

sweep me off my feet? Posted: 4/12/2009 4:14:59 PM
Well, I think it goes with the term Head over Heels! It's an idea of romantic achievement. It's the fairytale. And I think anybody would be lying if they said they DIDN'T want to fall in love... head first (or head then heels...). Here's the thing... romantic gestures and fairytale dates aren't always sincere. Sure it's nice when a guy acts chilverous, but I much prefer the comfortableness that comes after several months of getting to know somebody. It's easy to get caught up in the whirlwind at the beginning... but being swept off your feet means nothing if the guy won't be there to catch you and keep you from slamming your head on the concrete.

des_angel

Joined: 11/4/2008

Msg: 4 (view)

The biggest double standard Posted: 4/12/2009 4:09:30 PM
I dont think thats true whatsoever. Not all women get jealous to be honest. Clearly those that do are slightly insecure. Guys themselves get extremely jealous if their gf/wife mentions other men. Does that not make guys ALSO slightly insecure, if not more so since their reactions are "extreme?" I just think it's assanine to have to walk on eggshells for anybody... man OR woman. Yes, other people exist. Yes I may find them attractive (even more physically attractive than the guy I'm with). Does it mean anything? Probably not... unless the guy I'm with proves to be a****ead because my world doesn't revolve completely around him.

des_angel

Joined: 11/4/2008

Msg: 2 (view)

The biggest double standard Posted: 4/12/2009 3:56:10 PM
If I notice that a man I'm on a date with is checking out another woman I'll check her out too. I'm not Bi or homosexual, but I can appreciate beauty. I'll say something like, "wow... her smile is gorgeous, don't you think so?" It lets them know that I think it's okay to look as long as they remember they're out with me. Also, it shows that I'm not afraid to admit that there are other beautiful women on this planet besides myself. It CAN come across as insecure or jealous, and your date may not be wrong in this fact. But just because she happens to notice a good looking guy, that doesn't mean she needs to point it out. That IS rude. I have a lot of guy friends who I hang out with on a regular basis. A few of them are close friends, but most of them are drinking/poker/football buddies (again, I reiterate that I'm NOT a lesbian, lol... I just grew up in a neighborhood full of boys). So, I'm not foreign to having guys notice other girls while I'm around. My friends are just friends and they see me as a safe person to have around when they are checking out other girls. This gives me a slight inside track, and it's easy for me to tell when my date is looking at another girl. So, I just let him know I see it, but in a non-confrontational non-insecure way.

des_angel

Joined: 11/4/2008

Msg: 23 (view)

When to move on... Posted: 4/11/2009 10:44:19 AM
Spiritrayne: BTW Des Angel...my thread got deleted before I could comment on that story...you almost made me cry with it! thank you it was beautiful! Hmm... I post a lot of stuff... remind me again what I said that almost made you cry...

des_angel

Joined: 11/4/2008

Msg: 22 (view)

When to move on... Posted: 4/11/2009 10:41:47 AM
We were married almost 27 years when she was diagnosed with MS. For those who don't know MS is a neurological disease, and yes, at least on a woman it affects her sexual abilities (won't explain that), but I only found when I went to her neurologist with her! For almost 10 more years sex was kinda on the back burner, although she was accomodating when possible. Didn't affect my love for her! AW! Okay, I will say that the health/ getting sick factor is a variable most persons don't count on. If you fall in love with somebody who CAN'T be sexaully active, that's a whole 'nother story. There's a difference between can't and won't, though. This guy says that she was accomidating when possible. This means they still were sexually attracted to each other... they just had a few more hurdles than the rest of us.

des_angel

Joined: 11/4/2008

Msg: 97 (view)

people's names... Posted: 4/11/2009 10:32:57 AM
Nothing Is Constant : The only pet-peeve I have when it comes to names, are abbreviated nicknames... Jennifer - Jenn Daniel - Dan or "D" Stephanie - Steph Christine - Cris They're just profoundly annoying; I won't use them even if everyone else you know does. Oh come on! They're not that bad... and I admit I do this all the time. Sometimes, though, it's not abbreviated of the original name. It's a habit I inherited from my grandfather. The man had a nickname for everybody he met. Dawn=Sunrise, Terry=T Man, I was Junior. I have a friend I call Sweetcheeks and it's a running joke. He says I'm the only one who can call him that and get away with it, though. My friend Nick responds when I call him Nicholai. I don't think it's fair to not call somebody a shortened version of thier name. I know a lot of Becky's... but very few Rebecca's. Even Bill Clinton didn't go by William. I fear that you may come off as pretentious or self righteous by refusing to call somebody the name they prefer to be called.

des_angel

Joined: 11/4/2008

Msg: 91 (view)

people's names... Posted: 4/10/2009 8:37:56 AM
Green Eyes In Florida: My name : BETH His name: SETH My mother's name is Sherry and her husband's is Terry. Too effin' cute, huh? They could have kids named larry, mary, barry, harry... the list goes on. Except they're both too old to bear children now. Well, she is... I don't think men ever get too old. Stupid nature. Anyway, I digress.. My real name is Destiny. My friends call me D, Des, Destiny, Dessers... whatever, really. I don't have an established nickname. That being said, I cannot tell you how many lame pick up lines I've heard because of my name. I assure you if you can think of it, I've heard it. Furthermore, I've even been accused of not using my real name. I can't help the fact that my parents were wannabe hippies trying to prove a point in the early 80's. I will say that it opens more doors than it closes. And when it comes to a lover... the more unique the name the better. I won't discount somebody based on their name, because it is afterall just a name. But I once dated a guy named Laren. That was a good name. It was unique and so was mine. How many couples have you ever met named Destiny and Laren? So... if you have a unique name, hit me up. We already have something in common.

des_angel

Joined: 11/4/2008

Msg: 81 (view)

How open are you REALLY to discuss why you're still single? Posted: 4/10/2009 8:22:08 AM
I'm single because I'm black. LMAO! I'm single because I'm fat.

des_angel

Joined: 11/4/2008

Msg: 2 (view)

When to move on... Posted: 4/10/2009 8:19:59 AM
I can't talk about getting older, and I can't talk about sexual attraction fading because I've never stayed in a relationship long enough for it to happen. I do know that when my grandfather was on his death bed, he was still trying to go up my grandma's shirt. Ideally, I think, we all want somebody who we will still want sexually when we're old and gray. Caring and loving relationships come in all forms... family, friends, you name it. I think it's important for romantic relationships to have physical AND emotional closeness. But really... you're the only one who can answer this. If you're in a relationship and you feel like something is missing... then something is probably missing. It's your call to stay and continue missing it... or leave and hope to find it.

des_angel

Joined: 11/4/2008

Msg: 79 (view)

How open are you REALLY to discuss why you're still single? Posted: 4/10/2009 7:58:33 AM
I am very happy right now and guess what?!? I'M SINGLE! Don't you envy that? No... because I'm single too! lol I really don't mind being single... and I've said it before... it's easier to be single. I want to stay single until I feel right about not being single anymore.

des_angel

Joined: 11/4/2008

Msg: 60 (view)

How open are you REALLY to discuss why you're still single? Posted: 4/9/2009 9:19:47 AM
Big Daddy... I will admit that my prostitution comment was a lil below the belt. I appologize for being petty and assuming. I didn't actually think that you went out and got prostitutes, but I'd hate to be one of the names you so carelessly refer to. It just seems barbaric. I will admit that carnal pleasure is nice and not being in a relationship shouldn't hinder the availability for it, but something about the way you worded it seemed narcisistic and it struck a nerve with me. I applaud you for opening your own business. I know how risky it is, because I'm actually doing that right now, too. But I seem to have a different frame of mind. See, I believe it's possible to still play the dating game and run a business. I think that when it comes to important things in the world, love is right at the top of the list. Now, I do understand the wasting of the time if you're not feeling a connection. I don't go on a second date with a guy if I'm not feeling it. But to cut myself off all together and stop to even attempt a relationship if I feel a connection in the name of my work? No. Nor would I let my work go just because I happen to fall in love. I'm quite certain that I can find somebody who I can form a great balance with.

des_angel

Joined: 11/4/2008

Msg: 7 (view)

help Posted: 4/9/2009 9:04:18 AM
I think he is a coward for not telling you in person. Agreed. Funny how he has such cowardly characteristics... yet he's in the military.

des_angel

Joined: 11/4/2008

Msg: 3 (view)

help Posted: 4/9/2009 6:45:10 AM
You walk away. Time for some tough love Miss Fatal Attraction... After 8 hours of knowing this guy you decided he was worth waiting several months for? Phones get lost... but more often than not that's just a practical excuse covering up an ugly truth. The ugly truth I speak of is the fact that you went way too fast for him and he didn't feel the same connection you did. Then when you finally got a hold of him again you talked about wanting to be his girl while he's gone off to the Army. Sorry, girl, but his way of saying "thanks but no thanks" is "I couldn't make you do that." You don't like him, you're infatuated with the idea of him. Take some time out for you and work on your own insecurities and short comings before trying to find Mr. Right. Because right now you're so focused on outside things and you've lost total focus on number one. How else could you explain such a quick clingy connection?

des_angel

Joined: 11/4/2008

Msg: 46 (view)

does absence really make the heart grow fonder? Posted: 4/9/2009 6:34:59 AM
FREE_BSD:I had women expect to contact them daily. Does this happen a lot? Perhaps you're drawn to insecure women. Most women I know don't expect a call everyday... but if it's been more than a few days since the last date they'll assume he's not interested. They didn't cherish what I had to offer because I spent too much time with them. I will agree that too much too fast is a problem for me. Once again, I don't see where these women are coming from, but I see where you're coming from. I wouldn't do it again that's for sure. I always say call when you want to call. But it doesn't have to be everyday... as long as it's an honest call and not a mind game call. If you just happened to be thinking about me while eating a sandwich, wait til your done and send me a text or call and say hello or leave me a message. But if you're too busy and you got stuff to do... then by all means go do it. It's all about moderation. Plus if you keep on calling you might eventually run out of stuff to say. If you EVER run out of stuff to say in a relationship, start thinking about how much more of your life you want to waste having non-meaningful conversations.

des_angel

Joined: 11/4/2008

Msg: 57 (view)

How open are you REALLY to discuss why you're still single? Posted: 4/8/2009 4:40:20 PM
What time I did have to spend with someone special now just gets put back into the rest of my day, where I can now concentrate almost entirely on my business. It's good to be financially secure. Do you worry about getting burnt out at all? I have far too much to do there to even be bothered with extracurricular activities like courting and dating. Well... for the women of the world I say, "Thank goodness you're too busy to be 'bothered' with taking time out for us." Because, seriously... I'd rather not waste time with somebody who sees vital steps towards a fufilling relatioship as bothersome. That can't end well. If things get rough and I need a good shag...I'll just pick a name outta the hat of offers and go with that for a while. Hat=Street corner? Name=Prostitute? Hate to say it dude, but with every word you type you sound more and more arrogant and shallow. the why I'm still single is pretty easy to answer Yes it is. You put business before everything else, and dating isnt the corporate ladder. You're more interested in getting laid than actually commiting, and your level of need for a woman doesn't extend beyond carnal pleasure. You're right... that is easy to answer.

des_angel

Joined: 11/4/2008

Msg: 3 (view)

Do relationships still have romance? Posted: 4/7/2009 3:07:42 PM
Romance is important as a reminder of why you're in love. One time my ex and I were cleaning up supper dishes and I started humming "Moon River," the song my mother uses as a lulliby with me. The next thing I knew he was dancing with me and whispering to hear the words. So I sang them quietly while we swayed in the kitchen. Romance is simple. It's spontanious, and it's meaningful. It doesn't have to be defined any other way. And yes... good relationships will have their own form of romance woven throughout them.

des_angel

Joined: 11/4/2008

Msg: 4 (view)

How open are you REALLY to discuss why you're still single? Posted: 4/7/2009 2:33:51 PM
It certainly is easier to be single. But if you're compatible with somebody special, then it can be more emotionally fufilling to be in a relationship. On the flip side it can also be emotionally draining to be in the wrong relationship. I used to think the reason I was single was because I was a big girl. Now I know that being big doesn't mean I can't find a decent guy to date. At one point in time I thought any relationship would be better than nothing... but that was many years ago and now I know better. The reason I'm still single? I won't settle for the sake of having a label. I don't care if that label is girlfriend, fiance, wife, lover, friend... doesn't matter. If anybody is going to call me any of those things it will be because we took the time to let something blossom to that point. I go on a lot of dates. I talk to a lot of guys. I have a lot of guys as friends who give me feedback. And if I'm not feeling chemistry, then I'm not going to force anything. It is what it is... move onto the next person who may or may not have more or less chemistry with you than the last. I don't want to be a serial dater forever... and I'm not always looking for something better. But I have to have the feeling in order to even try a relationship. That all being said, when I do decide to be with a guy longer than just a few dates or on a monogomous basis... I'm in it fully. I'm not looking around for something better then... I'm focused on what I have. That way if it doesn't work out, I know I tried.

des_angel

Joined: 11/4/2008

Msg: 21 (view)

How can I talk to her Posted: 4/7/2009 2:07:18 PM
I would like to get to know her because she's really nice. Pump the brakes, cowboy. You don't know her, so how do you know she's nice? You've already got her on a pedastol and she's done nothing to deserve it except appearing to be nice. I have a lot of guy friends and when they describe a complete stranger they've just laid eyes on as nice... it usually translates to "she has a nice rack." I would love to just start a conversation with her, but whenever I am about to I think why bother, she could have any guy she wants and has probably got a boyfriend anyway. Once again... you don't know her so stop making assumptions about her. She can't read your mind, and you can't read hers. Perhaps she never gets approached except for by arrogant miscreams. Perhaps every decent guy has never approached her because of this failed logic. I don't have a clue what to talk about anyway and if I just walk upto her and talk crap, I'll sound like a loser You know later on when she tells her friends about that guy who she had a random conversation with? She won't be talking about a loser. She won't be talking about a winner. She'll be talking about some guy who gave her a compliment (which is what you should do... but don't tell her she's beautiful - come up with something original). And chances are she won't be talking about you, because you didn't get up the nerve to say something like, "You know, it's nice to see a pretty smile every now and then. Thanks for that." If all else fails tell her you're writing for the school paper and you're taking a survey among young women... then ask her a bunch of random questions about one of your favorite hobbies to see if you have anything in common.

des_angel

Joined: 11/4/2008

Msg: 20 (view)

So he's gay... Posted: 4/7/2009 9:42:41 AM
What a tangled web we weave. Your "ex" had the hots for your straight brother while you were dating. Meanwhile your brother falls for lesbians. Stuff of great drama. I know! I'm going to call this story line in to the Young and the Breastless...

des_angel

Joined: 11/4/2008

Msg: 18 (view)

Always on my mind... Posted: 4/7/2009 9:39:54 AM
Thanks All... your advice and support means a lot. So... get with ten other guys? That's a tad extreme, lol. Should I change the name on my driver's lisense to "serial dater?"

des_angel

Joined: 11/4/2008

Msg: 5 (view)

Confused over platonic friendship and now jealous, lol Posted: 4/7/2009 9:14:30 AM
Mike -- With all do respect she already told him she doesn't like him that way. What makes you think that going after her in an aggressive manner will work? Honestly it will probably frighten her. She sees ths guy as a friend, not as a man she wants wooing her. I know that sounds mean, and you can call me mean, but when a girl says no it doesn't mean, "try harder." If he wants to remain her friend after all of this, it's not wise to make a move now. If he never cared about her friendship to begin with and this entire time he was just trying to get into her pants... fine... go for it. Make that move. Because when that move is made, that's the impression he's going to give. She's going to think he never cared about her and it's all about him trying to get laid. Friendship is about respect. Relationships are as well. Respect where she's coming from. Going in for a move will only kill any chance of a friendship and I seriously doubt it will change her mind.

des_angel

Joined: 11/4/2008

Msg: 4 (view)

Confused over platonic friendship and now jealous, lol Posted: 4/7/2009 9:05:01 AM
You love her. You're in love with the IDEA of her. But you are not IN love with her. Trust me... it's infatuation based on circumstance grown from lonliness. Do not feel ashamed about your situation. Own yourself and the facts about you. Stop being insecure. Before you tell me that you're not, I'm going to stop you. You are. You're secretly pining away for somebody you can't have. You're a grown man. Accept the fact that your love is worth more than this. I'm sure she's a lovely girl, but she doesn't like you like that. Save your emotions and your heart for somebody who will love you in return. Seriously... stop this. But before you can stop it, you need to start being real honest. I say start with number one. Look yourself in the mirror and admit your true feelings out loud. All of your feelings... the ugly ones too. Admit to the jealousy, admit to the hurt, admit to any shame, admit it all out loud to yourself. After you've been honest with yourself, it's time to be honest with her. Sit her down and tell her how you feel. Let me clear here... do not do any romantic gestures... simply tell her only what she needs to know as your friend. Then, walk away. It will hurt but you have to do it. Walk away for at least 2 months. Tell her you're going to be spending time away from her. Explain to her that you're doing it in order to get over her and so you can still be her friend. This will only work if the two of you have mutual respect for one another. If she respects where you're coming from she'll maintain her distance and give you the space you need to stop thinking about her in non-platonic ways. And if you respect her, you'll respect the fact that she doesn't feel the same way you do, but she still wants to be your friend. You'll tell yourself that you CAN be her friend without wanting to be romantic with her. You'll respect her initial feelings and allow her to be with whomever she chooses. Respect yourself, and respect her. Also... you will find a girl for you. I just don't think you're ready to meet her yet. You haven't become the man you're meant to be.

des_angel

Joined: 11/4/2008

Msg: 18 (view)

does absence really make the heart grow fonder? Posted: 4/7/2009 7:46:06 AM
I think people subconciously want to sabatoge themselves and those around them. On an inate level I think many of us view life as a competition of sorts. You need to remember it's not. How can we possibly compete with each other when we're all different from one another? It's the same way with comparison. Friends often give advice simply because they do not understand, and verbalizing advice is really them thinking outloud about how they'd handle the situation differently. They don't understand because they're not you. They're giving you advice based on how they believe the best way to handle it should be. Just keep this in mind when you're contemplating what they say. I would thank them for their concern and reassure them that I'm an adult and I'll handle myself however I choose to. Then you just need to sit down and make a decision based on all the information presented to you. As for absense making the heart grow fonder... I would say that it's true to an extent. Unfortunately that fondness may just be surface fondness. It's kind of like High School Reunions. You might go after ten years of not ever running into that guy you hated, but now as adults it's easier to laugh about those times. At the end of the night you may feellike you had a great time with those people... but are you really that much more fond of them? Or was it simply the span of time since you last saw them influencing you? It's easier to miss somebody if they're not there... but if you miss them then you want them there. So it's a double edge sword. You could do it to see if she misses you... but I honestly believe it's rather risky. If I liked a guy and I was used to talking to him every night, and he suddenly stopped calling, I would fee like something was wrong. I'd try my hardest not to think the worst, but a woman's mind can immediately go there. No matter how secure we are in ourselves, and even if we ultimately think rationally, we will at least THINK the worst... rather quickly, too. I think if more guys realized this, when they actually like a girl, they wouldn't play these mind games. I say call her... call her whenever you want. But if there's ever a day when you really are too busy to dial her up, appoligize for leaving her hanging but don't appoligize for having a life. This will help you gage if she's indeed feeling the same way you are based on her reaction.

des_angel

Joined: 11/4/2008

Msg: 10 (view)

Always on my mind... Posted: 3/21/2009 8:58:03 AM
Hmm... to those who critisize me posting on this site: Well, should I really let the fact that he checks his POF inbox stop me from updating mine? Should I tip toe around with the thought of "What if he sees this?" My answer to you is no. I shouldn't do that. If he sees it, then he sees it. There's nothing in my rules that says anything about him looking at my stuff. I have no idea if he's looking at my profiles and such. My guess would be that he isn't. He's seemed to have moved on, and I know I should do the same. To those with suggestions on MySpace: You're right. I should remove him from my friends list and I should turn off friend updates. The fact that I haven't done either of those things and I'm still not clicking on his profile says a lot to me. BUT... I do see your point on where it would take away all temptation. Well, it would if I didn't know his url by heart, lol. The same goes for his number. I took it out of my phone, but I still recognized his number when it popped up. The best thing I have going for me is that he's keeping his distance. He doesn't know about the he-tox, but he's obviously moving on. I haven't heard from him at all in the last month. And, honestly... if I hear from him anytime soon I won't be responding or picking up the phone. I just can't right now. Thanks for all the feedback. I appreciate it!

des_angel

Joined: 11/4/2008

Msg: 4 (view)

Always on my mind... Posted: 3/20/2009 12:44:41 PM
thank you so much for the boost of confidence... I really needed to hear that.

des_angel

Joined: 11/4/2008

Msg: 13 (view)

Moving on after the Heart Break Posted: 3/20/2009 12:18:20 PM
He-tox. I just posted a thread named "always on my mind..." that talks about this. I'm doing this now... and it's worked in the past, but I don't know if it will work this time.

des_angel

Joined: 11/4/2008

Msg: 1 (view)

Always on my mind... Posted: 3/20/2009 12:13:53 PM
I'm currently going through what I like to call He-tox. This means I'm taking out two months and proactively avoiding my ex. The rules include but aren't limited to: 1. No phone calls. 2. No text messages. 3. No e-mails. 4. No looking at his My Space profile or contacting him in any way shape or form on My Space. 5. The same as number four, but replace My Space with POF -- since that's how we met. 6. DEFINITELY NO FACE TO FACE CONTACT. On Monday it will be one month. So, I'm halfway through, and I've been very good about following all my rules. It's hard as hell, believe me. Every time I see an update on My Space concerning him I have to force the mouse not to click on it and start inspecting all his new photos/comments/friends. Part of me wants to know if he's dating anybody new, but a bigger part of me wants to just move on. The problem is he was the best at everything I've experienced thus far. He was the best kisser, best lover, best listener, best first date... everything... the best. And I can't stop thinking about him. We broke up because he wasn't ready for something serious, but we continued to see each other. The final straw for me was when I realized he was doing me on the weekends and looking for new girls on POF during the week. I felt used. I honestly believed when he was ready he'd come looking for me. But he went looking for other women instead. I have my pride, and that's what really keeps me from talking to him... but my pride doesn't keep me warm at night. I'm just so worried that this He-tox might not work. In a month's time I might still be thinking about him all the time... when that's the opposite of what I want.

des_angel

Joined: 11/4/2008

Msg: 15 (view)

So he's gay... Posted: 3/20/2009 12:02:40 PM
I'm guessing by how young you look in your pic when you say you dated him it was in High school? Correct? Look... In high school a lot of gay guys date girls. One of my girlfriends in high school brought a gay guy to the prom as her boyfriend. They had sex, and then he decided he was gay. Unfortunately many gay persons try to have relationships with members of the opposite sex before they come to the realization that the reason the attraction isn't there is because of the gender difference. You just happened to be the girl he tried. Like you said, the physial part of the relaitonship wasn't there. This means (tough love time) that you two were basically besties. If you never even kissed him in three years, there obviously wasn't a physical spark there. You deserve the physical spark, yes, but I want you to sit back and think about this long and hard. Was the friendship you had with him a good one? Was he somebody you could talk to about anything? Was he trustworthy? If he was good friend, then be his friend. He's obviously not the guy you're supposed to end up with, but that doesn't mean you can't be friends. This is one of those cases where nobody is to blame. You were both young and inexperienced. He wasn't aware of himself, and neither were you. My best friend is a gay guy, and he dated girls in high school. Once you realize there's nothing wrong with him or you, beautiful friendship can emerge from this. As far as your brother is concerned... Well, that's just wrong. Even if your bro is gay, it's not cool for family to date our exes... no matter the circumstance. That's just un-needed drama.

des_angel

Joined: 11/4/2008

Msg: 1 (view)

Give a Testimonial Posted: 2/18/2009 1:32:04 PM
Um... how do I give a testimonial on sombody's profile? I can't figure it out. And I'm told this needs to be longer... So let's also talk about Iced Tea. I like mine unsweetened with no lemon, you?

des_angel

Joined: 11/4/2008

Msg: 2 (view)

thanks for him! Posted: 2/18/2009 1:30:08 PM
Yay for you! I met somebody within a month, too... but that didn't pan out as well as it did for you. Congrats!

des_angel

Joined: 11/4/2008

Msg: 32 (view)

I need a break Posted: 2/10/2009 5:00:11 PM
It takes two. If both parties aren't making an effort, then what the hell are you doing? On this break see other people. There's a lot of people out there to meet. Give yourself options if she's not giving any options.

des_angel

Joined: 11/4/2008

Msg: 87 (view)

Girlfriend has a GUY friend..... what do you think? Posted: 2/10/2009 4:57:04 PM
you trust her, but you don't trust him... I get it. Girls and guys can be JUST friends. I have a lot of guys who are just friends, and since I'm single I'm pretty sure none of them are interested in me sexually. There's nothing stopping them from telling me so otherwise. I spend a lot of one on one time with my guy friends and many of them have girlfriends. I'm not trying to get with them and they're not trying to get with me. We're friends, and we confide in each other. Sometimes my guy friends are a great sounding board for relationship advice. And I can help them if they're having issues with their girls. That being said, if I were to go away for a weekend with any of them I wouldn't want the same room with them. This is mainly because I'm single and I do'nt know if I might want to bring somebody back to my room (jk... but it IS vegas afterall... lol). IF we had to share a room (for expense reasons or if the hotel didn't have two available rooms) I would make sure we had seperate beds. But, then again I wouldn't invite a guy who has a wife or girlfriend without inviting the significant other as well. She made the decision not to go, and I think that's the right desicion.

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