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Show ALL Forums  > Off Topic  > What is your real goal for dating?      Home login  
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 51
What is your real goal for dating?Page 3 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
Great analogy Wayward! So that is what my problem is. I just haven't been able to find that "special" hammer that fits my palm!!!

...hmmm, special hammer? Thats a new one, never quite heard it worded that way before. So my next question would be, where do we "shop" for these special hammers and how do we know that their "special".......and are we allowed to pick them up and test them?

Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 52
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What is your real goal for dating?
Posted: 7/31/2008 8:51:30 AM
Sure Mae......It is called being social and dating.....

And If you do things just will know that hammer well and its fit....

OT.......My real goal for dating is to not a alone as much as it seems to happen many times......that and maybe having another that you enjoy taking out and waking up with............

Just my opinion.......
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 53
What is your real goal for dating?
Posted: 7/31/2008 9:45:55 AM

Sure Mae......It is called being social and dating..... word doesn't come up much in my vocabulary, which brings me back to setting "goals" I guess haha

Joined: 1/13/2008
Msg: 54
What is your real goal for dating?
Posted: 7/31/2008 9:59:30 AM

My only "real" goal in dating is finding a woman that will always keep fresh film around and bring me the camera when I'm finished in the bathroom......they just don't make 'em like Ma anymore!

I highly recommend digital need for fresh film..unless it was another kind of roll you were speaking of /snicker :P
 Henry L. Moon
Joined: 6/1/2008
Msg: 55
What is your real goal for dating?
Posted: 7/31/2008 10:07:16 AM
See, this is what I mean...Ma wouldda made sure I had my favorite Charmin...towels, washcloths, soap, and a hose available.
 Green Sangha
Joined: 3/12/2008
Msg: 56
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What is your real goal for dating?
Posted: 7/31/2008 1:27:01 PM
If I werent' in the midst of a job search I think my goal is first to try to meet a new man every couple of weeks for a casual get-together until someone comes along where I want to invest time specifically in getting to know him and him, me. I think you have to set a goal to meet new people otherwise chores, errands, friends fill all your time and there is no space set aside for a wonderful partner to wander into.

Next, I don't have a lot of patience for casual dating, so my goal would be to find someone where there is enough compatibility, attraction, enjoyment and respect that we could explore being "in a relationship". The catch-22 is that you have to date to get there, lol.
Joined: 10/10/2006
Msg: 57
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What is your real goal for dating?
Posted: 7/31/2008 3:41:56 PM
lol........SoulMate....not taking the spelling which may just be a disguise to add a bit of sincerity...lets say solemate....sole: bottom of your shoe, you WALK ON IT.
mate: Someone to bang on?

 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 58
What is your real goal for dating?
Posted: 7/31/2008 9:12:37 PM

its a process...... done in steps. I still dont understand what a person means by "not into serial daters" . How many dates does it take to become serial? is it a "rolling" tally? after 6 months do they start dropping off? If i don't date.., how do I meet that special someone? this is so confusing

...Oh no, you mean to tell me there are serial daters in our midst? Good gosh I hope they don't try and contact me, I've heard stories about those dreaded "serial daters"

I can tell you one thing....a serial dater I am order to qualify I think I would need to go on a few more than I have lately haha

 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 59
What is your real goal for dating?
Posted: 7/31/2008 10:03:26 PM

I'm not making this up... I have read numerous profiles where they will write no serial daters.... , along with the no players, and no momma's boys..., which I know the meaning of that..... geez! ok mom..., I'll be off the computer in a minute....... I gotta go now....... bye.

...Lol...I was just having a litttle fun...I believe you, I've read that too, ....along with "no players please"......yeah, like that will stop them haha ... so they actually say "no momma's boys do they? Thats funny too.

Anyhow, to get back on topic, how does one set dating goals? Doesn't romance just kinda happen all on its own?

Joined: 9/14/2006
Msg: 60
What is your real goal for dating?
Posted: 8/1/2008 7:45:57 AM
Sorry folks this may be a little long winded..
When I was first divorced my goal was to find what I had and regain it. That was so wrong and I cut short some great women who would have made great friends and lovers..
After 7 years I realize I want a new person, with new ideas and new likes and dislikes..not anything what I had..I also learned my ex made the statement that the worse times with me was better than the best times with her hubby now. Finally validation! lol
I look at a new date as a potential friend, then if a chemistry is there more..
Reading many divorced female profiles, they seem to not just want a partner but one that can entertain them, travel with them and alot more..preferences is one thing but many say no couch potatoes, no guys who watch tv alot..the list goes my take on this is..they were married for a long time, put off their dreams and interests for th emarriage and now since divorced they want to try and regain all the activities they missed through the years..I tell ya this is a huge pressure for the NEW GUY!..
I was married 23+ yrs, we did it all..and then, 4 homes, 3 campers, 6 motorcycles, 15 cars, numerous vacations, 100's of parties, we kept it alive by treating our time together as a date.
Now after retiring from one job after 30 yrs and in 5 yrs on a new job, I like being at home, enjoying what I have earned.
I do like to have a date for dinners etc..but to plan and create exciting dates for someone who wasn't "dated" throughout their marriage is work and like having another job..I guess it's just "dating after divorce" rules..Let alone the "widow" issues...I've not had much luck with widows and dating..too many ghosts to be compared to..
So my goal is to date, keep it very light such as a ride through the country on the bike, fishing, the zoo or a museum..the movies are just not good for a date..

Ok girls slam me if you will but this is my take on dating and goals up to now..prove me wrong ok?
Joined: 8/21/2007
Msg: 61
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What is your real goal for dating?
Posted: 8/1/2008 9:14:09 AM
I guess my real goal is to fall head over heels in love with someone
Joined: 7/13/2008
Msg: 62
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What is your real goal for dating?
Posted: 8/2/2008 2:45:19 PM

its a process...... done in steps. I still don't understand what a person means by "not into serial daters" . How many dates does it take to become serial? is it a "rolling" tally? after 6 months do they start dropping off? If i don't date.., how do I meet that special someone? this is so confusing

GeeWizzzz, It sure is confusing. Imagine explaining this to the 'new generation' of teens~
Gals didn't even ask for a date....She waited until she was asked. Guys sometimes had to meet our Dads.
Sometimes, I feel like my Sons are listening to me as I listened to my Dad with his ridiculous stories of wearing 'Potato Bags" for shirts and my Mom had no shoes.
EeeeeGadds......I've about given up on 'how' to date...If it happens, it happens.
Reading the Forums are like reading a piece of everyones life. And they're a safe haven, besides......That's originally what I joined for.
Joined: 10/3/2006
Msg: 63
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What is your real goal for dating?
Posted: 8/2/2008 4:11:34 PM
Intelligent conversation, keep each other out of a rut. All I need now is someone to answer my messages
Joined: 8/13/2006
Msg: 64
What is your real goal for dating?
Posted: 8/4/2008 7:30:08 AM
I would think the dating goal for most people is to find a monogamous, long term partner.

How we get there is the hard part, and everyone seems to have their own path. I think most people needlessly complicate that path by their own behavior, and I'm sure that includes me.

Either our checklists are too long, or too short, or we're attracted to the wrong types, or twenty other complications we're not even aware of doing.

Other things we have no control over can sabotage the pursuit, too, like friction with a partner's kids/family/friends, employment outlook, health, and any number of other traumas that could be forced upon us out of the blue.

Dating is NOT easy. If it were we'd all have found our soul mate by now and be done with it.
Joined: 6/15/2005
Msg: 65
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What is your real goal for dating?
Posted: 8/4/2008 10:40:47 AM
I am including a sample of the series of letters I have gotten,...
You be the judge, this appropriate when you are making contact with a complete stranger to you,....?

Wanna go for a drink? Kokomos.. at 8.. be spontaneous.. I've wanted to meet you forever.

my reply

I didn't get this letter until over an hour after the appointment time,...and informed the writer that spontaneity's is better with someone you actually know since I could have been in the middle of anything or as in this case not get the letter on time,.

I also asked how do I know I wasn't just an after though,..I didn't even get a rose,...

***(I mention this only because acording to some men some women get miffed if they see that the guy has only 1 or worse no roses left to be sent,....for the above mentioned reason,...Personally I don't care much about cyber flora,....I was trying to sweetly point out some are odd that way)***

I admit.. I wasted my first rose...
want to try again? what night is good for you?

My Reply

I told him any night would be fine as long as I had some notice,...I also asked him if he read my entire profile as I do not enjoy spending an evening apologizing for something I was very forthcoming with,...

***(that being I smoke and I have Fibromyalgia, I also included a website of the latter so he could read what that is first) in his file he claimed to be very athletic and fit and that it was very important his partner should be also,...

yes, that doesn't bother me... i actually have one once in a long while... so how about Tuesday evening?
Kokomos... what time is good for you? 8? 8:30?
I'm Richard.

My Reply

I chose 8 PM

Hi Marita.. I do look forward to meeting you.
Tuesday is for sure... but there is a chance that the time might change... stay tuned! :)

My Reply

I thanked him for the heads up and said I would watch for further info,...

That's when for me this thing went sideways,...and he got very personal and inappropriate before we even met

you seem very sexy.. are you? :) nice body?

My Reply

but I responded that it would depend on whom I am with,...

the next 2 messages came in together, this point my hairs were standing up on my arms but not in a good way,....

look forward to having a drink with you.... are you a good kisser??? very important.. :)

soooooooooooooo.. what about your 'sex drive'???? :)

My Reply

I am paraphrasing now some but basically as follows;..... I told him that if all he was looking for was to get laid then there were any number of nice ladies walking around the city at all hours ready to service his need,....

I went on to say that this conversation might be a moot point since I didn't even know if I would like him never mind feel the chemistry I would have to feel to be responsive,...

I went on to say that his intense focus on these issued before we even met were basically inappropriate and made me feel uncomfortable,...

I concluded that the veracity of my sex drive at this point was,...none of his business

after this message,.....HE BLOCKED ME,....

now you tell me men,.... is this a right approach?

and ladies , would you have responded,....

I no longer answer to instant messages except from people i already know,...because I am tired of coming ,....face to not face,....with stranger's,...

I am more than the sum of my body parts and expect to be treated with respect,...... anything less isn't worth leaving the house for,...
Joined: 1/13/2008
Msg: 66
What is your real goal for dating?
Posted: 8/4/2008 12:12:42 PM

You just are on to many favorites

Just kidding sugar!!!!!!

I agree with everything you said, especially having our own paths and we want someone to come on our path and make THEIR live with our comfort zone vs starting a new path with them.

I also agree that dating isnt easy, people have limited time, resources, etc but the bottom line is when you see someone you REALLY like then you should go for it vs sitting back and just letting life happen and hoping one day something good will happen.

I find it interesting that people always list what was wrong with someone vs what was right...we have a tendency to do that in our quest for someone to walk life's path with. I personally believe when it fits it fits, there isnt a need to MAKE it work.
Joined: 1/13/2008
Msg: 67
What is your real goal for dating?
Posted: 8/4/2008 12:26:49 PM
In less than one year of online dating I have learned one thing...YOU CANT LOSE WHAT YOU DONT HAVE. Women buy into thinking what a man says has meaning vs watching his actions. They offer things they know you will like...a date with dinner at Kokomos.

He never planned to take you to dinner at Kokomos....that is why he sent the message after the time to met had past. He was just offering it as bait, when you responded to him he jumped on that opportunity gave him the in.

It is like the guys who mention marriage or love etc on the initial contact...they think you are lonely and would welcome any advances your when you respond they think ok got one!

They go thru alot of motions to set up a date...but then they turn the talk of two things will happen...the one thing that definately never happen will be a date at Kokomos. They will either piss you off and you will bail or they will string you in and it will be omg you are so hot I just want to meet you so bad and they decide they cant wait to meet you.... He wasnt looking to date you..just to screw you.

You didnt loose anything, just let it go and move on and dont block other men cause one was a lemon. Just learn that when you see someone offering something that seem a bit over the is to get you to bite...

Joined: 6/15/2005
Msg: 68
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What is your real goal for dating?
Posted: 8/4/2008 4:13:31 PM
(just to clear something up,...the initial invitation was sent on time but I did not open the mail in time,.....and Kokomo's isn't the be all and end all it's just a nice simple place with descent food,...)

I am a little long in the tooth to ever believe anything anyone says at face value,....

everyone here wants something and it's up to us to determine what that is before we find ourselves in a bad situation,...I posted the above as a sample of how to draw out someone's true intentions,...this sort of thing does happen more than one might think but not all the time it's true,....the his blocking you is a dead give away,...wich is something you would never have suspected from reading his profile,....

I trust the little hairs on my arms. Most of us have very good instincts and we should listen to them.....

That is why I never hand out any information I can be traced by, telephone number no add and I never allow anyone to pick me up nor would I accept a long drive as a date,...

Far to many of us grown ups do that and that is how we invite trouble,...I taught my children how to deal with strangers and I practice what I preach.

I also never find myself in a situation or place I can not get myself out of so no his fixing me dinner at his place either,...

These are all simple rules so many of us seem to ignore,...

Just recently I was going to meet someone and I was stood up also something that happens to many of us,...He later apologized and asked if I would forgive him,...

My response was simple and true,...I told him I didn't know him well enough for anything he did, or not didn't do,... to bother me,....and I never gave it a second thought,...

I enjoy the company of men my age,...but am very comfortable in my own skin and am anything but desperate to date,....that's why I take my time and consider everything with caution,'s a simple rule but a firm one,...
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 69
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What is your real goal for dating?
Posted: 8/4/2008 5:53:38 PM
I have thought long and hard about this, re-visited the issue and have found the following?
I would like someone to take out the garbage, fix my car, not chat with me whilst watching t.v. unless it's commercial time, earn a good living, let me go out with my g/f's at least one nite a week, massage my achy muscles at least 3 times per week, pass me over "his" paycheck, make me tea, oh, yeah, make dinner, do the dishes after and when "I" want it, be able to make mad passionate love to me at the drop of a hat, or my skirt lol...There! I think I have it all downpat. Isn't "imagination" wonnnerful"????
Joined: 1/13/2008
Msg: 70
What is your real goal for dating?
Posted: 8/4/2008 6:53:35 PM
awww Works2much1955 I am not finding that as a problem. I think at times men can pick up on who is happy with themselves and who might be a tad bitter or angry. Men want someone who is fun, upbeat and positive to be around....maybe by standing around watching vs going up and meeting them and speaking to them you had this barrier that you have constructed around yourself. IE you said not one man talked to many did you try to talk to? When they were *eyeballing you up and down did you smile at them or did you wait to see what they would do? Look at how you described yourself, the first thing you listed on here? What did you do at that party to show your good personality? Yes there is a slight disadvantage but you would be surprised what a smile on your face and an approachable attitude will help you overcome. When you stop seeing yourself as a BBW and see yourself as a person then others will see you as a person to. I think most men will either raise or fall to the levels we set for them, if we say they are all pigs then we will be so intent on finding pigs to prove our point we miss the decent guys who are saying..hey give me a chance!
Joined: 8/13/2006
Msg: 71
What is your real goal for dating?
Posted: 8/5/2008 7:52:34 AM
Well, whole threads have been devoted to weight and dating so I guess this one's no exception…lol.

Statistics say most Americans are overweight, if you go by what everyone's "ideal" weight should be. Certain studies I've read say just 30 pounds over our ideal weight constitutes obesity? If that's the case I'd probably be considered borderline obese!

Initial attraction is usually physical, it just "is", and I base mine not so much on extra weight, but how much it is and how one "carries" it. I've seen some extremely attractive, sexy women carrying significant weight but look fantastic. I've seen others where 30-40 extra pounds are definitely NOT flattering, and they need to lose -- no getting around it. For the morbidly obese, losing weight is a no brainer. A person's direct health is at stake, for crissakes?

Yes, a lot depends on personality, but we should never underestimate or minimize that too much extra weight is just not that attractive to many in our society. That's not bad or good, just reality. If you're lucky enough to look good carrying significantly extra pounds and still attract the types of partners you want, no problem or complaints, right?

If not, and are unhappy with your situation, don't blame society for not finding you attractive enough, do something about it by losing a few pounds.

This does NOT mean slaving to turn ourselves into runway models, obviously, so don't gang up if you didn't like something I just wrote…lol
Joined: 6/15/2005
Msg: 72
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What is your real goal for dating?
Posted: 8/6/2008 7:26:02 AM
my thinking is quite simple,....

you get,...what you allow,....

and you allow what you think you deserve,....
Joined: 6/5/2008
Msg: 73
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What is your real goal for dating?
Posted: 8/10/2008 3:47:00 AM
to find a life partner for the last years here on Earth.
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 74
What is your real goal for dating?
Posted: 9/14/2008 7:07:47 PM
To be with him.
To be with a man ...who wants the same little things what I like.
Joined: 3/18/2007
Msg: 75
What is your real goal for dating?
Posted: 9/15/2008 6:37:51 AM
Read The Secret. Expect what it is that you want.
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