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Show ALL Forums  > Off Topic  > What is your real goal for dating?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 59
What is your real goal for dating?Page 8 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

I'm not making this up... I have read numerous profiles where they will write no serial daters.... , along with the no players, and no momma's boys..., which I know the meaning of that..... geez! ok mom..., I'll be off the computer in a minute....... I gotta go now....... bye.


...Lol...I was just having a litttle fun...I believe you, I've read that too, ....along with "no players please"......yeah, like that will stop them haha ... so they actually say "no momma's boys do they? Thats funny too.

Anyhow, to get back on topic, how does one set dating goals? Doesn't romance just kinda happen all on its own?

...maeflowers
 dustyknight
Joined: 9/14/2006
Msg: 60
What is your real goal for dating?
Posted: 8/1/2008 7:45:57 AM
Sorry folks this may be a little long winded..
When I was first divorced my goal was to find what I had and regain it. That was so wrong and I cut short some great women who would have made great friends and lovers..
After 7 years I realize I want a new person, with new ideas and new likes and dislikes..not anything what I had..I also learned my ex made the statement that the worse times with me was better than the best times with her hubby now. Finally validation! lol
I look at a new date as a potential friend, then if a chemistry is there more..
Reading many divorced female profiles, they seem to not just want a partner but one that can entertain them, travel with them and alot more..preferences is one thing but many say no couch potatoes, no guys who watch tv alot..the list goes on..so my take on this is..they were married for a long time, put off their dreams and interests for th emarriage and now since divorced they want to try and regain all the activities they missed through the years..I tell ya this is a huge pressure for the NEW GUY!..
I was married 23+ yrs, we did it all..and then some..kids, 4 homes, 3 campers, 6 motorcycles, 15 cars, numerous vacations, 100's of parties, we kept it alive by treating our time together as a date.
Now after retiring from one job after 30 yrs and in 5 yrs on a new job, I like being at home, enjoying what I have earned.
I do like to have a date for dinners etc..but to plan and create exciting dates for someone who wasn't "dated" throughout their marriage is work and like having another job..I guess it's just "dating after divorce" rules..Let alone the "widow" issues...I've not had much luck with widows and dating..too many ghosts to be compared to..
So my goal is to date, keep it very light such as a ride through the country on the bike, fishing, the zoo or a museum..the movies are just not good for a date..

Ok girls slam me if you will but this is my take on dating and goals up to now..prove me wrong ok?
Dusty
 fancynanci
Joined: 8/21/2007
Msg: 61
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What is your real goal for dating?
Posted: 8/1/2008 9:14:09 AM
I guess my real goal is to fall head over heels in love with someone
 SgrsShak
Joined: 7/13/2008
Msg: 62
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What is your real goal for dating?
Posted: 8/2/2008 2:45:19 PM

its a process...... done in steps. I still don't understand what a person means by "not into serial daters" . How many dates does it take to become serial? is it a "rolling" tally? after 6 months do they start dropping off? If i don't date.., how do I meet that special someone? this is so confusing

GeeWizzzz, It sure is confusing. Imagine explaining this to the 'new generation' of teens~
Gals didn't even ask for a date....She waited until she was asked. Guys sometimes had to meet our Dads.
Sometimes, I feel like my Sons are listening to me as I listened to my Dad with his ridiculous stories of wearing 'Potato Bags" for shirts and my Mom had no shoes.
EeeeeGadds......I've about given up on 'how' to date...If it happens, it happens.
Reading the Forums are like reading a piece of everyones life. And they're a safe haven, besides......That's originally what I joined for.
Key*s
 Ayrshireman
Joined: 10/3/2006
Msg: 63
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What is your real goal for dating?
Posted: 8/2/2008 4:11:34 PM
Intelligent conversation, keep each other out of a rut. All I need now is someone to answer my messages
 motownmaniax
Joined: 8/13/2006
Msg: 64
What is your real goal for dating?
Posted: 8/4/2008 7:30:08 AM
I would think the dating goal for most people is to find a monogamous, long term partner.

How we get there is the hard part, and everyone seems to have their own path. I think most people needlessly complicate that path by their own behavior, and I'm sure that includes me.

Either our checklists are too long, or too short, or we're attracted to the wrong types, or twenty other complications we're not even aware of doing.

Other things we have no control over can sabotage the pursuit, too, like friction with a partner's kids/family/friends, employment outlook, health, and any number of other traumas that could be forced upon us out of the blue.

Dating is NOT easy. If it were we'd all have found our soul mate by now and be done with it.
 marita_b
Joined: 6/15/2005
Msg: 65
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What is your real goal for dating?
Posted: 8/4/2008 10:40:47 AM
I am including a sample of the series of letters I have gotten,...
You be the judge,...is this appropriate when you are making contact with a complete stranger to you,....?




Wanna go for a drink? Kokomos.. at 8.. be spontaneous.. I've wanted to meet you forever.

my reply

I didn't get this letter until over an hour after the appointment time,...and informed the writer that spontaneity's is better with someone you actually know since I could have been in the middle of anything or as in this case not get the letter on time,.

I also asked how do I know I wasn't just an after though,..I didn't even get a rose,...

***(I mention this only because acording to some men some women get miffed if they see that the guy has only 1 or worse no roses left to be sent,....for the above mentioned reason,...Personally I don't care much about cyber flora,....I was trying to sweetly point out some are odd that way)***


I admit.. I wasted my first rose...
want to try again? what night is good for you?

My Reply

I told him any night would be fine as long as I had some notice,...I also asked him if he read my entire profile as I do not enjoy spending an evening apologizing for something I was very forthcoming with,...

***(that being I smoke and I have Fibromyalgia, I also included a website of the latter so he could read what that is first) in his file he claimed to be very athletic and fit and that it was very important his partner should be also,...


yes, that doesn't bother me... i actually have one once in a long while... so how about Tuesday evening?
Kokomos... what time is good for you? 8? 8:30?
I'm Richard.

My Reply

I chose 8 PM


Hi Marita.. I do look forward to meeting you.
Tuesday is for sure... but there is a chance that the time might change... stay tuned! :)

My Reply

I thanked him for the heads up and said I would watch for further info,...

That's when for me this thing went sideways,...and he got very personal and inappropriate before we even met


you seem very sexy.. are you? :) nice body?

My Reply

but I responded that it would depend on whom I am with,...


the next 2 messages came in together,....at this point my hairs were standing up on my arms but not in a good way,....

look forward to having a drink with you.... are you a good kisser??? very important.. :)


soooooooooooooo.. what about your 'sex drive'???? :)

My Reply

I am paraphrasing now some but basically as follows;..... I told him that if all he was looking for was to get laid then there were any number of nice ladies walking around the city at all hours ready to service his need,....

I went on to say that this conversation might be a moot point since I didn't even know if I would like him never mind feel the chemistry I would have to feel to be responsive,...

I went on to say that his intense focus on these issued before we even met were basically inappropriate and made me feel uncomfortable,...

I concluded that the veracity of my sex drive at this point was,...none of his business

after this message,.....HE BLOCKED ME,....

now you tell me men,.... is this a right approach?

and ladies ,......how would you have responded,....

I no longer answer to instant messages except from people i already know,...because I am tired of coming ,....face to not face,....with stranger's,...

I am more than the sum of my body parts and expect to be treated with respect,...... anything less isn't worth leaving the house for,...
 Sapphireeyes
Joined: 1/13/2008
Msg: 66
What is your real goal for dating?
Posted: 8/4/2008 12:12:42 PM
Motownmaniax,

You just are on to many favorites

Just kidding sugar!!!!!!

I agree with everything you said, especially having our own paths and we want someone to come on our path and make THEIR live with US...in our comfort zone vs starting a new path with them.

I also agree that dating isnt easy, people have limited time, resources, etc but the bottom line is when you see someone you REALLY like then you should go for it vs sitting back and just letting life happen and hoping one day something good will happen.

I find it interesting that people always list what was wrong with someone vs what was right...we have a tendency to do that in our quest for someone to walk life's path with. I personally believe when it fits it fits, there isnt a need to MAKE it work.
 Sapphireeyes
Joined: 1/13/2008
Msg: 67
What is your real goal for dating?
Posted: 8/4/2008 12:26:49 PM
Marita,
In less than one year of online dating I have learned one thing...YOU CANT LOSE WHAT YOU DONT HAVE. Women buy into thinking what a man says has meaning vs watching his actions. They offer things they know you will like...a date with dinner at Kokomos.

He never planned to take you to dinner at Kokomos....that is why he sent the message after the time to met had past. He was just offering it as bait, when you responded to him he jumped on that opportunity ..you gave him the in.

It is like the guys who mention marriage or love etc on the initial contact...they think you are lonely and would welcome any advances your way...so when you respond they think ...wow ok got one!

They go thru alot of motions to set up a date...but then they turn the talk sexual...one of two things will happen...the one thing that definately never happen will be a date at Kokomos. They will either piss you off and you will bail or they will string you in and it will be omg you are so hot I just want to meet you so bad and they decide they cant wait to meet you.... He wasnt looking to date you..just to screw you.

You didnt loose anything, just let it go and move on and dont block other men cause one was a lemon. Just learn that when you see someone offering something that seem a bit over the top...it is to get you to bite...

************NOT ALL MEN DO THIS, MY COMMENTS AREN'T BASHING ALL MEN BUT THERE ARE A LOT ON DATING SITES WHO DO OPERATE LIKE THIS!
 marita_b
Joined: 6/15/2005
Msg: 68
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What is your real goal for dating?
Posted: 8/4/2008 4:13:31 PM
(just to clear something up,...the initial invitation was sent on time but I did not open the mail in time,.....and Kokomo's isn't the be all and end all it's just a nice simple place with descent food,...)

I am a little long in the tooth to ever believe anything anyone says at face value,....

everyone here wants something and it's up to us to determine what that is before we find ourselves in a bad situation,...I posted the above as a sample of how to draw out someone's true intentions,...this sort of thing does happen more than one might think but not all the time it's true,....the his blocking you is a dead give away,...wich is something you would never have suspected from reading his profile,....

I trust the little hairs on my arms. Most of us have very good instincts and we should listen to them.....

That is why I never hand out any information I can be traced by,...no telephone number no add and I never allow anyone to pick me up nor would I accept a long drive as a date,...

Far to many of us grown ups do that and that is how we invite trouble,...I taught my children how to deal with strangers and I practice what I preach.

I also never find myself in a situation or place I can not get myself out of so no his fixing me dinner at his place either,...

These are all simple rules so many of us seem to ignore,...

Just recently I was going to meet someone and I was stood up also something that happens to many of us,...He later apologized and asked if I would forgive him,...

My response was simple and true,...I told him I didn't know him well enough for anything he did, or not didn't do,... to bother me,....and I never gave it a second thought,...

I enjoy the company of men my age,...but am very comfortable in my own skin and am anything but desperate to date,....that's why I take my time and consider everything with caution,....it's a simple rule but a firm one,...
 Moonchild51
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 69
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What is your real goal for dating?
Posted: 8/4/2008 5:53:38 PM
I have thought long and hard about this, re-visited the issue and have found the following?
I would like someone to take out the garbage, fix my car, not chat with me whilst watching t.v. unless it's commercial time, earn a good living, let me go out with my g/f's at least one nite a week, massage my achy muscles at least 3 times per week, pass me over "his" paycheck, make me tea, oh, yeah, make dinner, do the dishes after and when "I" want it, be able to make mad passionate love to me at the drop of a hat, or my skirt lol...There! I think I have it all downpat. Isn't "imagination" wonnnerful"????
 Sapphireeyes
Joined: 1/13/2008
Msg: 70
What is your real goal for dating?
Posted: 8/4/2008 6:53:35 PM
awww Works2much1955 I am not finding that as a problem. I think at times men can pick up on who is happy with themselves and who might be a tad bitter or angry. Men want someone who is fun, upbeat and positive to be around....maybe by standing around watching vs going up and meeting them and speaking to them you had this barrier that you have constructed around yourself. IE you said not one man talked to me...how many did you try to talk to? When they were *eyeballing you up and down did you smile at them or did you wait to see what they would do? Look at how you described yourself, the first thing you listed on here? What did you do at that party to show your good personality? Yes there is a slight disadvantage but you would be surprised what a smile on your face and an approachable attitude will help you overcome. When you stop seeing yourself as a BBW and see yourself as a person then others will see you as a person to. I think most men will either raise or fall to the levels we set for them, if we say they are all pigs then we will be so intent on finding pigs to prove our point we miss the decent guys who are saying..hey give me a chance!
 motownmaniax
Joined: 8/13/2006
Msg: 71
What is your real goal for dating?
Posted: 8/5/2008 7:52:34 AM
Well, whole threads have been devoted to weight and dating so I guess this one's no exception…lol.

Statistics say most Americans are overweight, if you go by what everyone's "ideal" weight should be. Certain studies I've read say just 30 pounds over our ideal weight constitutes obesity? If that's the case I'd probably be considered borderline obese!...lol

Initial attraction is usually physical, it just "is", and I base mine not so much on extra weight, but how much it is and how one "carries" it. I've seen some extremely attractive, sexy women carrying significant weight but look fantastic. I've seen others where 30-40 extra pounds are definitely NOT flattering, and they need to lose -- no getting around it. For the morbidly obese, losing weight is a no brainer. A person's direct health is at stake, for crissakes?

Yes, a lot depends on personality, but we should never underestimate or minimize that too much extra weight is just not that attractive to many in our society. That's not bad or good, just reality. If you're lucky enough to look good carrying significantly extra pounds and still attract the types of partners you want, no problem or complaints, right?

If not, and are unhappy with your situation, don't blame society for not finding you attractive enough, do something about it by losing a few pounds.

This does NOT mean slaving to turn ourselves into runway models, obviously, so don't gang up if you didn't like something I just wrote…lol
 marita_b
Joined: 6/15/2005
Msg: 72
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What is your real goal for dating?
Posted: 8/6/2008 7:26:02 AM
my thinking is quite simple,....

you get,...what you allow,....

and you allow what you think you deserve,....
 STH III
Joined: 6/5/2008
Msg: 73
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What is your real goal for dating?
Posted: 8/10/2008 3:47:00 AM
to find a life partner for the last years here on Earth.
 ankkka
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 74
What is your real goal for dating?
Posted: 9/14/2008 7:07:47 PM
To be with him.
To be with a man ...who wants the same little things what I like.
 nowcall
Joined: 3/18/2007
Msg: 75
What is your real goal for dating?
Posted: 9/15/2008 6:37:51 AM
Read The Secret. Expect what it is that you want.
 nowcall
Joined: 3/18/2007
Msg: 76
What is your real goal for dating?
Posted: 9/15/2008 6:42:59 AM
A relationship!
 marita_b
Joined: 6/15/2005
Msg: 77
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What is your real goal for dating?
Posted: 10/22/2008 5:58:57 PM
do you think being on a lot of peoples favorites list is a good or bad thing? inquiring minds want to know.


Personally I think it's neither,....

some of the people I put on my list are there because we've chatted and had some interesting conversations,....that can be either gender,.....since I enjoy the forums often people who don't post,...write to me about my posts,....and them I like to remember to chat to from time to time or just check out on their profile,...what they are saying about things which sometimes has me join the conversation,....

the fgavorites to me are fast links to places it would take me forever to find otherwise or miss alltogether,....

Sometimes it just means you have been on the site a long while,....

and that's neither good or bad either,....

because of this forum I feel I have made friends around the world and I like checking in on them,.....

don't read too much into things,...not everyone is here to find true love or just get laid,.... some of us are here to connect to many interesting wonderful people we might otherwise never have known about,....

isn't the internet wonderfull,.....

the people that added me to their list, are like minded people,....both genders,....

The thing about this site that I love so much besides being free, and the absolute ease and instant use,....is that you have so much controll over whom you let into your little world,.....

most other pay sites are so careful to edit you that you have to submit a response and they post it the next day,..or the day after that,...that's not a discussion or even a conversation,....it's annoying,....here everything is in real time,....I love that,...

As for my motive dating,....it`s to meet men I would not normally meet in my kitchen (since I don't work) or anywhere else that I don't go alone,....and to get to know another human my own vintage who can converse with me and have the same frame of historical refference that I do,....


 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 78
What is your real goal for dating?
Posted: 10/23/2008 9:00:56 PM

Motownmaniax,

You just are on to many favorites



...Yup, he seems to have quite a few fishies dangling from his line


...maeflowers
 dustyknight
Joined: 9/14/2006
Msg: 79
What is your real goal for dating?
Posted: 10/26/2008 4:36:06 PM
well, I wanted simple dating and had many ladies say that someone who dates alot is a player..so I changed to wanting a ltr..then the last ladies I dated said I knew what I wanted and they didn't so good luck to me. I dated each more than once and for the record sex was not an issue in this at all. So it seems if you want more than just to date them the ladies get scared and run..and if they think all you want is to date ..they get scared and run too..thinking you may use them somehow. Got dumped by 3 women in 2 weeks..because I wanted more than they wanted in life or less than they wanted at this time. I'm confused now.

My goal now is to just meet a person who likes to date and may want something longterm.

Single since 2001...dating has changed so much and with internet dating the rules change daily it seems.
 prof48
Joined: 3/17/2005
Msg: 80
What is your real goal for dating?
Posted: 10/28/2008 2:46:43 PM

...Yup, he seems to have quite a few fishies dangling from his line

Hmmm. Maybe I am in trouble. Half the ones listing me as "favorites" are men. Hey, I'm just not that kind of guy.
In reality I think most who have added me as a favorite do so because of some absurd thing I said in one of my posts that really ticked them off. (And they want to remember who the damn fool was.)
 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 81
What is your real goal for dating?
Posted: 10/28/2008 3:34:01 PM
To date and have fun, and if he and I find that we have the emotional, physical, and intellectual compatibility that it takes to have awesome chemistry-----then, to take advantage of the great feeling that "All of me wants all of you", and to love each other's body and soul.
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