Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > What's really stopping you from having a successful relationship?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 WeAre1
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 51
view profile
History
What's really stopping you from having a successful relationship?Page 3 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
^^^ You know, as I get older, I start to wonder just how much is really in our control - although I say all the time and believe we are responsible for our lives, for our actions, reactions, love, joy, and pain and sorrow too (responsible for how we deal with all the things we all go through)......part of me has started to wonder, truly, how much is us and how much is as much what 'the universe' has in store for us.

I know this probably will sound like I'm nuts (and those who know me well know I really am...giggle)...but it started coming to me about 6 years ago when I had a wonderful counsellor and I was trying to decide which country to live in (dual citizen, children and loved ones in both), and she told me something I'll never forget. She said the universe will always support the highest good for everyone involved. (And she was not a spiritual kook at all.) She also said as long as I was sitting on the fence and not deciding, the universe would support my indecision.

Just thought I'd throw that out there as a thought. That's all.
 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 52
What's really stopping you from having a successful relationship?
Posted: 5/28/2008 3:44:52 PM
I rarely meet men, and the ones who interest me never seem to be interested in me. Men seem really superobsessed with the appearance of women, and those of us who are deemed average looking rarely get noticed.
 WeAre1
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 53
view profile
History
What's really stopping you from having a successful relationship?
Posted: 5/28/2008 4:15:01 PM
^^Yes, moving can be pretty devastating for settling down with one special one, for sure, if they are not 'the moving type'. For me, ever since I left my marital home and country (that I had been a single parent in for the previous 10 years) - um, I just counted it - I've moved 14 times in the last 8 years, 3 of which were international moves, 4 were inter state moves in this country, and the other 7 were local moves right here in this area of the Cape. Thankfully I do have a home-base here, believe it or not.
I guess it's just like when we are young, it seems - if you move a lot, it's very hard to make friends (or relationships) for life....or what's left of life when you get older. :)
So, like you, league, I guess my moving would, from the outside, look like a major factor in my not being 'successful' in my relationships - though the truth is my biggest moves in my life have been due to relationships and seeing just how far my heart took me!
 angelwinz
Joined: 11/27/2006
Msg: 54
What's really stopping you from having a successful relationship?
Posted: 5/28/2008 7:55:08 PM
my daughter say's I don't give my beau's a chance... so I'm trying harder now to not run off so fast and allow the relationship so grow and enjoy the friendship that is developing
 readyornot57
Joined: 1/19/2008
Msg: 55
view profile
History
What's really stopping you from having a successful relationship?
Posted: 5/29/2008 2:36:24 PM
It's me. Like Miss Dix, my self esteem is just not there when I need it. There was too much emotional abuse, starting with my mother, continued by my ex-wife. I don't hold my problems of the past against others, but women see right away that I get hurt easily, and the baggage comes from me beating myself up. The nice ones run, and the mean ones try to exploit it. It really is me. There is always hope, but I would need to meet one very patient woman! I have gotten this far in life, I can survive alone. But it would be nice.........
 WeAre1
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 56
view profile
History
What's really stopping you from having a successful relationship?
Posted: 5/29/2008 2:43:01 PM
hey readyornot and missdix - ya know, we all carry stuff and definitely some stuff is almost too much and the weight becomes a burden and all too apparent to us and others who become close to us. and in those times, they say to seek help. self esteem is not easy to redeem by ourselves, but there are some wonderful people who are being counsellors and might be able to start the healing to set you both on a positive path quicker than doing it by yourselves. just a thought.....good luck and please know, so many share similar experiences. truly none of us are nearly as alone as we feel sometimes.
seek and it will be there for you.
 artzytype
Joined: 6/2/2005
Msg: 57
view profile
History
What's really stopping you from having a successful relationship?
Posted: 6/4/2008 10:19:13 PM
I'm not so concerned with the relationship part as so much the initial task of meeting someone I find interesting enough to have a relationship with. Everyone I know has married and/or started a family by now. If I could go back in time 10 years I would marry the love of my life at the time. Alas I cannot, so I find myself the last bachelor in my group of friends. Most woman that interest me have been already snatched up. To boot I'm a late bloomer, haven't made my fortune yet, which is another mark against a guy in his 30s. Just find myself at the wrong age to be single.
 genegem
Joined: 7/24/2007
Msg: 58
What's really stopping you from having a successful relationship?
Posted: 6/5/2008 12:54:51 AM
Tricks for a Better Relationship

A man walked into a therapist's office looking very depressed.
"Doc, you've got to help me. I can't go on like this."

"What's the problem?" the docotor inquired.

"Well, I'm 35 years old and I still have no luck with the ladies.
No matter how hard I try, I just seem to scare them away."

"My friend, this is not a serious problem. You just need to work on
your self-esteem. Each morning, I want you to get up and run to the
bathroom mirror. Tell yourself that you are a good person, a fun person,
and an attractive person. But say it with real conviction. Within a week
you'll have women buzzing all around you."

The man seemed content with this advice and walked out of the office
a bit excited. Three weeks later he returned with the same downtrodden
expression on his face.

"Did my advice not work?" asked the doctor.

"It worked alright. For the past several weeks I've enjoyed some of the
best moments in my life with the most fabulous looking women."

"So, what's your problem?"

"I don't have a problem," the man replied. "My wife does."

 blondeinny
Joined: 2/24/2008
Msg: 59
What's really stopping you from having a successful relationship?
Posted: 6/9/2008 5:38:04 PM
Timing. Chemistry. Reluctance to open up, trust and share. Dishonesty.
 BaldyisBeautiful
Joined: 3/28/2008
Msg: 60
What's really stopping you from having a successful relationship?
Posted: 6/9/2008 5:44:38 PM
Her husband?

My expectations!
What's really stopping you from having a successful relationship?
Posted: 6/9/2008 6:46:47 PM
The biggest road block for me is simply meeting people. I don't like small talk, I don't like irrelevant conversations, etc. The friends I do have, I made at various events centered around my interests. I enjoy fishing so I go to a fishing club and met people there. Unfortunately, there are no women. I enjoy strategy board games and we have a group that gets together once a month (at least) to play. Again, no women come to these. I love movies and go with my friends quite a bit. Unfortunately, it's hard to meet women AT a movie. There are also no available women in my martial arts class.
 YingKissesYang
Joined: 5/12/2005
Msg: 62
view profile
History
What's really stopping you from having a successful relationship?
Posted: 6/9/2008 6:55:54 PM
And when I find him, I'm not letting go of him!..
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------Huhuh...we will see about that. Are you going to tell us what YOUR character flaws are (maybe you already did, this is 7pages) that cause you to "flee" or be fleed?
 zangie
Joined: 5/30/2007
Msg: 63
view profile
History
What's really stopping you from having a successful relationship?
Posted: 6/9/2008 7:00:32 PM

Are you going to tell us what YOUR character flaws are (maybe you already did, this is 7pages) that cause you to "flee" or be fleed?


Aw come on Olyman...I thought you were smarter than to say every time someone dumps you it is because there is something wrong with you? Sometimes, it isn't you at all...you must know that? I try to be the best I can humanly be..but , of course, I have flaws...I will never be perfect...and sometimes it isn't about me at all...
 WeAre1
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 64
view profile
History
What's really stopping you from having a successful relationship?
Posted: 6/10/2008 5:19:03 AM

6.125% - That people are compatible and attracted to each other - so the odds of people hooking up is very actually very little. (I know this is a little spurious math, but still)

ahh, mm2k, no wonder!! thanks for your spurious math - it does indeed explain why i've also found it almost impossible to find that combination - yes, attraction seems to slow, but then when it's there, slowly but surely, compatibility reveals it does not exist (giggle).
and, in fact, olyman, i don't think the problem is we are not aware of our 'faults'....i actually am thinking part of the problem as we get older is we become all too aware of our faults and so does our partner.
i'd like to return to a state of 'innocence' or open minded and open-hearted again in that area, actually......to where those parts of me - the sabateur- can take a back seat again and not be so closed to seeing the compatibility or attraction......for i still do believe that when it's meant to be, the right person does come along to share the path and journey for however long that is meant to be.
 SweetnSassyNatureLover
Joined: 4/11/2008
Msg: 65
What's really stopping you from having a successful relationship?
Posted: 6/12/2008 9:49:40 AM
I think there's alot of fear, confusion, miscommunication. I have been reading through posts. Men vs Women views. Each saying they can't understand the other ect. But interesting enough on a basic level both sexes have the same fears, struggles, issues with the other. One post made the statement of just change the gender in the situation and your speaking from the man's point of view. So why is it so difficult to find common ground. Then toss in the baggage we often carry from past relationships. So even if we do meet someone we are attracted to and compatible with, there are obstacles we meet.
 YingKissesYang
Joined: 5/12/2005
Msg: 66
view profile
History
What's really stopping you from having a successful relationship?
Posted: 6/12/2008 10:12:26 AM
Are you going to tell us what YOUR character flaws are (maybe you already did, this is 7pages) that cause you to "flee" or be fleed? ******Aw come on Olyman...I thought you were smarter than to say every time someone dumps you it is because there is something wrong with you? Sometimes, it isn't you at all...you must know that? I try to be the best I can humanly be..but , of course, I have flaws...I will never be perfect...and sometimes it isn't about me at all...****
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Au contraire mon ceur:

I was asking OP what her character flaws were, that "makes her flee" or be fleed, since she started this thread.

I know no one is perfect (some less so than others...I'm about average). But my point is OTHER PEOPLE are not stopping us from having good relationships. Umm I guess thats the title of this thread too what a coincidence, do I get a star today?
 zangie
Joined: 5/30/2007
Msg: 67
view profile
History
What's really stopping you from having a successful relationship?
Posted: 6/12/2008 10:27:05 AM

Umm I guess thats the title of this thread too what a coincidence, do I get a star today?


Sure, I'll give you a star...good things should always be rewarded..

As per the thread title..I must admit that I think there is a difference between finding someone to have a realtionship with..and why the relationships you have been in have failed? Most posters seem to be talking about why they haven't found someone to have one with now...maybe I'm nitpicking, but, I read it as why isn't it happening now?

And I'm pretty sure, in my case..it isn't anything I'm necessarily doing wrong...I spent several years getting to a good place to be in one again..and I am always self reflective by nature..so, if the question is why am I not in one now? I would have to say it's either because I haven't met the right guy yet...or, because the men I'm interested in don't return the favor? I know I'm not sabotaging myself in that sense. I have found that to more often be on the other side? Obviously, there are things about me some or most men wouldn't like..but, they aren't things that I think keep me from meeting the right person..because the right person would find more to like, than not to.

Now, if we want to talk about why my past relationships failed..that's a different story..and I take some blame in all of those...though, hopefully, I've mostly learned from my mistakes...
 JustMary65
Joined: 5/26/2008
Msg: 68
What's really stopping you from having a successful relationship?
Posted: 6/12/2008 11:05:13 AM
I've had some success in relationships-and failures too. I guess, while pondering this subject, it has occurred to me that I'm simply not in any hurry to be in a long standing relationship again for a multitude of reasons. I was raised with the mentality you go to school, find a good man, get married, have kids and live happily ever after. I really believed that is what my life would end up being-but it hasn't gone exactly as I had planned.

What I have learned about myself is that I'm a bit on the independant side. I can do for myself and I think there have been times that was a HUGE turn off to a person I was dating. I'm no damsel in distress by any means, and my guess would be that some, not all, men want someone who needs them far more than they need him. Being on my own for over six yrs has also hastened my desire to find the 'one' and settle down. I like my life as it is. I have a lot of responsibilities to my kids and myself which also makes it hard to bring another person into the mix.

While I do have a man in my life that I spend time with, we are by no means a conventional couple, but we get along well and he suits my lifestyle. He's got a busy life, as do I, and when we have the time we spend it together. I think that we can have successful relationships that work for us, but it's all in what you want and need at the moment. I do not need a man in my life but I certainly want the person whose in my life to continue being in it. He also knows I'm not ready to commit to him or anyone else, but if and when I'm ready to settle down again I want to be sure it's for all the right reasons.

I'm not willing to settle for anything again, so for now, things are as I feel they should be. I'm enjoying the time I have with my family and close friends.
 yooperbrat03
Joined: 7/19/2006
Msg: 69
view profile
History
What's really stopping you from having a successful relationship?
Posted: 6/13/2008 10:43:46 PM
What's really stopping me from having a successful relationship?

Hmmm...because I won't just "settle" for whatever comes along. I know what I want and what I do not want thanks to past relationships. IF I meet a man who compliments my life as I would his, provides a little intelectual mystery, and excepts me for who I am faults and all (as I would him) THEN I'll have a successful relationship.


Brat
 TravelingHomebody
Joined: 6/7/2008
Msg: 70
view profile
History
What's really stopping you from having a successful relationship?
Posted: 6/14/2008 4:33:06 AM
I've found that I can meet a man at a party or a pub, and he'll spend the evening chatting me up ... then I invite him to go to church with me. It's amazing how fast they disappear!

Saves me a lot of time and energy, I guess, to weed out the non-keepers with a simple invite.
 TravelingHomebody
Joined: 6/7/2008
Msg: 71
view profile
History
What's really stopping you from having a successful relationship?
Posted: 6/14/2008 4:38:01 AM

REALLY STOPPING ME:
- money. I’ve been self employed doing the same thing for 35 years.


Maybe you're dating the wrong woman. I find a guy who is willing to do what he loves, even when he's not getting rich doing it, far more attractive than a guy who makes a lot of money but does something that does nothing to contribute to the world.

When I see commercials sometimes (Like for those new Ritz crackers that have a pretzel on the other side) I will think that it's really, really sad that somebody spends his life coming up with snack food gimmicks, and somebody else spends his life coming up with ways to sell snack food gimmicks. I'd not really want to date either of them, however much money they're making, unless I found out that they were spending all that money sponsoring Mercy Ships volunteers or something. I'd rather have a poor guy with integrity than a rich guy who is materialistic.
 WeAre1
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 72
view profile
History
What's really stopping you from having a successful relationship?
Posted: 6/17/2008 3:32:03 PM
After 'battling', I mean discussing in great detail the issue of are US men being taken for granted these last several weeks, and reaching a sort of impasse now - I have clarified something I didn't really realize before....

Another thing that is stopping me is I am fearing men do not really love women anymore.....it really sounds like from so many forums here that many men have had more pain than pleasure in and after their relationships and do not really like women anymore.

And yet, I still do believe in love......deep down I still have faith love enters one's life when it is meant to....and how it is mean to.....

So, I'm also feeling sometimes it is not completely in one's control when a relationship will enter your life......so I'd also answer my own question here with life itself is stopping me from having a 'successful' relationship when there are other things I must be working on - like myself, my work, my children, my studies, etc.....
 Capitano_Blaugh
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 73
What's really stopping you from having a successful relationship?
Posted: 6/17/2008 4:36:14 PM
Another thing that is stopping me is I am fearing men do not really love women anymore.....it really sounds like from so many forums here that many men have had more pain than pleasure in and after their relationships and do not really like women anymore.


I can sure relate to that.... I have gotten the distinct impression that many women don't like men anymore.

I was jaded when I discovered the fora, but I'm pretty sure I'm more jaded after hanging out here for a while.

 zangie
Joined: 5/30/2007
Msg: 74
view profile
History
What's really stopping you from having a successful relationship?
Posted: 6/17/2008 4:42:01 PM

I was jaded when I discovered the fora, but I'm pretty sure I'm more jaded after hanging out here for a while.


Yes...and are we silly for keeping around when it has this effect on us? Like weareone..I am also really terrified that men just don't like us anymore..and I never felt this at all till the forums..

Maybe the forums are keeping me from a successful relationship?...lol..
 WeAre1
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 75
view profile
History
What's really stopping you from having a successful relationship?
Posted: 6/17/2008 6:36:45 PM

"....All this .......... illusion ..... that is what is stopping people from having a sucessful relationship....."

indeed, OMO, thank you for reminding us it's all illusion here.....although it's real people posting, I think (and I refuse to agree - it's not just the deadbeat leftovers here...lol!)

but zangie - I totally agree the forums themselves are stopping us - for sure - for all the time they take when I get stuck in them! (so addictive at times!!)....and for all the energy they take....and for all the thinking in my head and typing with my fingers and sitting on my ass they take!!!!

and then, just like in 'real' life, someone comes along and says something that truly inspires me, or makes me think about something I hadn't before, and then I'm grateful......for those moments the veil of illusion lifts and I can see we're all just people sharing our views.

arlo? (yes weare1)....i totally agree - not settling is a good thing....and ....yes, if only there was something on the horizon to not settle for!

EDIT to add: sorry, dear OMO .....of course, solemnly corrects her post - we are the left -behinds, not the left -overs. But, really, OMO, I don't feel that at all. I choose to be single now. I was the one that literally left my last and most recent relationship......and I was the one that ended my last significant 6 year relationship also - - hmmm, that's right, my long relationships were before an online dating site came into my focus and since then, the few men I've gotten romantically involved with for the last several years have only lasted months, not years.....

ok, gotta go now and think why that is.....'fraid to admit could i also suffer like others here complaining that there is too much choice? hmmm, no, i don't feel there's that much choice....much more so, it 's what i started this post with - finding someone I am attracted to and compatible with (who feels attracted and compatible with me too) and now I know - they have to actually like me too!! Um, finding someone I won't settle for is very challenging.
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > What's really stopping you from having a successful relationship?