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 Aleyrebel
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 32
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Having sex too early...Page 4 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
Many men, (and I don't know you, not saying you are one,) feel that once she give that up she is a conquest, and he doesn't need to keep trying, so he leaves. That is why they say to get to know a person first, if you are interested in that person beyond a one night stand that is.
Many people, and most women can't have just meaningless sex, it has to strike a deep cord for them. So, having sex on the first date of someone they'd like to pursue a relationship with later, just isn't a good idea.
 kindapicky
Joined: 8/28/2005
Msg: 33
Having sex too early...
Posted: 6/3/2008 8:14:33 AM
amen to that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the only thing i can say is you hit the nail rigth on the head, what is it nowadays?? men just dont have respect for women no matter if you give it to them or not. I think men really dont know what they want out of life so they have to act like they are still in high school. GROW UP !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The fact is, most of us are mature now days to be picky. Why would I want a wife that has been with half of the town? Sex to me in MHO, is for a committed relationship. Sex is something SPECIAL, not just for anyone you pass by. And as someone posted, STD's and children. You really want to share these with someone for the rest of your life??
 Wishes Granted
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 34
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Having sex too early...
Posted: 6/3/2008 9:22:26 AM
You know; the thing about on-line dating, is that it's kinda backwards from real life dating. When we meet on line, if the online chemistry is there.. and if that "click" continues when you meet for the first time, it feels like you've known them for longer than what is reality .. Sometimes it can feel right to enjoy each other sexually much earlier than we would have if we were just meeting for the very first time without any written communication before hand.
[I think} Anybody who considers their sexuality as "a prize" does not appreciate the sheer joy of it for what it is.. I also think, that if you use your sexuality willy-nilly, then you have little appreciation for the joy and spirituality if you will, that a true connection can encite.

Having sex too early? It's only to early if You aren't 100% sure, but you do it regardless!
 Starlette23
Joined: 4/25/2008
Msg: 35
Having sex too early...
Posted: 6/3/2008 12:47:55 PM
I think most people jump in the sack too early and ruin what could've been a great relationship. It;s actually nice getting to know someone and knowing that they continue to want you even though you haven't slept with them. and the fact that they're willing to wait and get to know you, invest time in you, says alot....
 Avalon Dreamer
Joined: 4/24/2008
Msg: 36
Having sex too early...
Posted: 6/3/2008 2:25:18 PM

too soon? finish your drink.... game on.


Thats to funny

I think that sometimes sex with someone before you really know who they are can cloud your image of them to some extent...and make you feel closer to them ( or bonded ) than you really are or want to be.

that said I really enjoy sex and am not always game for waiting ........, but as usual we all have to play the good girl / bad girl game to ...should we or should we not type thing....

It's a tough call because the world we live in tells us sex is easy , strings free , and people are disposable that way and it should be no big deal ...but it often feels like a big deal

ok - truth I am conflicted ...there is not easy answer to this question

DiVa
 obeythepug
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 37
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Having sex too early...
Posted: 6/3/2008 4:36:03 PM
[quoteThis to me sounds so old fashioned. Why? Because it's making the assumptions that when a woman has sex with a man that it's only the man that gains something - the so-called "prize". So does this mean that the woman is in bed with a man just to make up the numbers? Or is she in bed with a man because she wants to be sexually satisfied as well? If you're going to have sex with someone then treat that person as an equal or go find somebody else. Don't have sex with someone because you're doing that person a favour. Do it because you want to - not because you fear he will leave you for someone else if you don't.

I am a woman and agree with this man. This whole "prize" notion makes it sound like I am sacrificing something. Hello! Having sex is pleasurable for a woman (if a guy know what he is doing..). I always figure you might as well have sex right away. If the relationship doesn't work out, at least you got some pleasure out of it. Life is short. Yes, you should take precautions to prevent the spread of STDs and pregnancy.

I know some might label me a slut for these views. However, that's their problem not mine. I must quote Billy Joel, "I'd rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints; the sinners are much more fun."
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 38
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Having sex too early...
Posted: 6/3/2008 5:09:55 PM
It's too soon if neither of you feels ready or comfortable or willing to accept the consequences, whatever they may be. Depends on what you want out of it. The criteria change if you're looking for a LTR or you're just playing around. Have you checked this other person out well enough that you feel confident about the situation you're in? The answer to that will let you know if it's too soon or not.
 Friendfindercom
Joined: 3/12/2008
Msg: 39
Having sex too early...
Posted: 6/3/2008 5:57:16 PM

ok - truth I am conflicted ...there is not easy answer to this question

DiVa


sure there is... meet that exactly perfect person, know it in that split second and working from there on out together to make it last a lifetime.. see.. it's simple... avoid all the no big deal an big deal part and step into the mashed potato gravey and steak... unless your a fish person then maybe a nice salmon...
 Grider1
Joined: 4/19/2007
Msg: 40
Having sex too early...
Posted: 6/3/2008 6:08:21 PM
Is there such a thing as too soon? Doubtful!
 Ron9
Joined: 8/10/2004
Msg: 41
Having sex too early...
Posted: 6/6/2008 5:15:08 PM
"Having sex too early..."

I try not to have sex before about 9:45pm. Well 9:30pm if she is cute and seems to be getting impatient.
 zangie
Joined: 5/30/2007
Msg: 42
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Having sex too early...
Posted: 6/7/2008 10:01:07 PM

This to me sounds so old fashioned. Why? Because it's making the assumptions that when a woman has sex with a man that it's only the man that gains something - the so-called "prize". So does this mean that the woman is in bed with a man just to make up the numbers? Or is she in bed with a man because she wants to be sexually satisfied as well? If you're going to have sex with someone then treat that person as an equal or go find somebody else. Don't have sex with someone because you're doing that person a favour. Do it because you want to - not because you fear he will leave you for someone else if you don't.


Well...this points out one of those differences between many men and women...Most women are usually in bed with someone in a relationship because they care about them...the sexual satisfaction part is secondary..not that it isn't important..but, it isn't why they are having the sex? They are expressing love...not just satisfying physical desires...and at least for me, and many other women..that's our first thought? Unlike many men..who's first thought is how good the sex is?

I have seen some men make similar comments before..and from my personal perspective..I don't care how good the sex was..if I cared about him in any way...and he dumped me after sex...it would be no consolation. Obviously, many men don't feel the same way..they are always saying..well, the sex was good wasn't it? S0 what?

Sex clouds things if too soon in my opinion..plus, it just makes it harder to determine where the guy is coming from...and that makes all the difference in the world for those who are looking for something long term and meaningful....
 j4ym4n
Joined: 5/30/2008
Msg: 43
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Having sex too early...
Posted: 6/8/2008 9:27:50 AM
I'm 24.
Young and you may say inexperienced (you will be wrong)

Its totally weighed up on the two individuals involved. I was in a relationship with a woman for 2 and a half years of whom we knew each other for about 2 hours before we got randy (full way).
Yet this one (and only) time i waited for like 3-4 months for this girl and it didnt work.
I am not, nor do i see religious people - in australia its not a big thing. So thats a factor thats removed.

I have an issue with people who believe that there is some sort of magical "formula" to a relationship, which involves manipulating a guy and with holding sex for a certain amount period of time before "giving it up". This is supposed to make a guy want you more or some rubbish. Trust me girls, all it does is piss us guys off when we hear "Oh i'm so horny and i really want to but i'm not doing it on X date"... "Er, ok, why's that?"..."just cos i dont". It doesnt work and its stupid. All it does is legit guys like me look at that and say "fark this I aint stickin around a chick who thinks she can manipulate me with sex".

If i'm not sexually compatible with a chick, i can gaurantee its not goin to work. This is a good thing, cos then you can go back to looking and find some1 more suitably matched to you. How often do you hear of a guy complaining his GF doesn't want him in the sack... They are just not compatible. yes there can be some other factors into play but if they are not compatible one is going to be unhappy, want to stray, ect. I personally like to shag early in the relationship so i can stop thinking with the****and start thinking with the top head and talk along with the person instead of constantly thinking "i want to root you... i want to root you".

I remind y'all that i say the things that people thing but never say due to potential lash-back.

So, summing up on things its all up to the decision made between two consenting partners without any bloody manipulation or outside pressures. The duration, no matter how long or short, is highly irrelevant.
 j4ym4n
Joined: 5/30/2008
Msg: 44
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Having sex too early...
Posted: 6/8/2008 9:41:49 AM
Another thing thats irritating to hear chicks winge about is when they hold off sex (Manipulative) and push the guy to his limits (because she can), and because she's been holding out for so long when it finally comes down to it the guy lasts 10 pumps before finishing and the chick then goes "oh is that it" or something (she couldnt remember what she done but the way she told me it implied something of that nature) while the guy gets a complex cos he shot the bolt too quick.

You usually find out that she's been coping d1ck from the junkie/loser ex b/f all along anyway. I pity these guys I really do then i thank the way i am; that i did not turn out the same as these poor fellas.
 dave1234
Joined: 11/7/2004
Msg: 45
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Having sex too early...
Posted: 6/11/2008 9:21:30 AM
RE: Msg 110:
Another thing thats irritating to hear chicks winge about is when they hold off sex (Manipulative) and push the guy to his limits (because she can), and because she's been holding out for so long when it finally comes down to it the guy lasts 10 pumps before finishing and the chick then goes "oh is that it"...


Years ago, a lady explained to me that's why it's important for a guy to have a FWB while searching for a partner. If the guy's sexual needs are being taken care of he is less likely to rush sex with a new partner.

It's sort of bizarre. The guy who is getting sex from a FWB is not in any immediate rush so the new partner thinks the guy is a real decent fella, whereas, the guy who isn't getting any and is in a hurry is looked upon unfavorably.

Go figure.
 TravelingHomebody
Joined: 6/7/2008
Msg: 47
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Having sex too early...
Posted: 6/12/2008 8:17:18 PM
As a graduate of the School of Hard Knocks, I'd say "too soon" is "before the honeymoon". Which makes me either a throwback or a maverick, depending on who you ask.
 TravelingHomebody
Joined: 6/7/2008
Msg: 48
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Having sex too early...
Posted: 6/12/2008 8:21:38 PM
"My mom always told me " If you have the desert first, you will miss the main course".....hmmmmm, whatever the hell that means... Oh, well, she was married for 47 years so she must be right!"

BINGO!

You build the real intimacy first, then the sex is how you express it. Have the sex before the real intimacy, and you get a biochemical illusion of intimacy.
 La Gioconda
Joined: 6/27/2008
Msg: 49
Having sex too early...
Posted: 7/1/2008 11:46:54 AM
Sometimes and often, having sex too early is too early to determine whether this is going to be a long haul journey with that person. So, if you are interested in long term relationship, having sex too soon won't determine how long the relationship lasts. Having sex with each other, does change the dynamics between the people, you have shared intimate part of yourself, but since you only met, you are strangers in many ways... it is strange combination. Not too many people can handle that and they may feel pressured to be in that relationship with the other person, but it is too soon to determine if you are a good match, since you only met.... There is such thing, as too much too soon can be devastating.
 borntoski683
Joined: 4/28/2008
Msg: 52
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Having sex too early...
Posted: 7/9/2008 6:11:27 PM
There is no such thing as too soon. if you click, you click. having sex is not going to "ruin" it and actually, trying to hold off on sex might even wreck it.

Now if you meet someone that you only click so-so with..its possible that having sex early can give you a false impression of what its about...then later on it may fizzle out and you may ask yourself, did you have sex too early and is that what ruined it? No, it was doomed from the start, sex was not the reason. All that being said, I have seen times when some people will date someone that the connection is just so-so and they will wait for the sex....and that can sometimes build up so much tension and anticipation that eventually they will have sex, but by then both people will have so much time committed to the relationship that they will tend to stay in it for a long time. In my opinion, those are often times not the best relationships...in some ways you tricked yourselves into thinking it was better than it really was by holding off on the sex for longer and getting both people attached to each other...two people that otherwise are not all that compatible.

So what I am trying to say here is that if you got a connection, don't ruin it by trying to hold out. If you have a so so connection, don't try to fool the other person into a commitment by holding out. On the other hand, if you are the type of person that easily falls in love with whomever you have sex with, then perhaps you better hold out.
 Summerwinds77
Joined: 5/30/2007
Msg: 53
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Having sex too early...
Posted: 7/9/2008 7:10:59 PM
It's been said that "relationships based only on sex never last"...
 borntoski683
Joined: 4/28/2008
Msg: 54
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Having sex too early...
Posted: 7/9/2008 8:06:36 PM


It's been said that "relationships based only on sex never last"...

that is probably true, but the question is, is WAITING really taking sex out of the equation? I claim that holding off on sex is making sex an even BIGGER issue because its hanging there waiting to happen and the tension is building. if anything, you are creating even more sexual tension and using sex as a powerful force to establish the relationship even more, all based on the question of sex.

Just go with the flow, do what feels right...things usually work out.
 OldFashndGent
Joined: 4/6/2009
Msg: 55
Having sex too early...
Posted: 4/13/2009 3:03:38 PM
Wow...been there, done that...once...once.

I honestly think that more than likely more people have been in this situation than want to admit. It is a very tricky situation and ever more difficult to deal with when its all hot and heavy. That point is not a good time to make the decision...do I or do I not.

There was once a wise woman who told me a saying that she used all the time to describe relationships...it was..."so hot fast fast it burnt itself out" Truly a wise woman who had plenty of experience dealing with people. Oh yeah, that wise woman is my mother. She is a 20 year OB/GYN doc and has heard and seen everything. I could have taught our high school sed-ed unit in our health class better than the teacher.

In my experience, I came across a woman who I really liked and the natural progression was leading us towards intimacy. I made a choice, stuck to my guns, and told her "I love you more than sex" and the topic was never brought up again. She wasn't mad or upset, later told me she was releaved because she felt it was expected by all guys at that time. At 9 months, we still hadn't had sex or made love, but I also know who my best friend was. At 9 1/4 onths, she was killed in a car accident and I never regretted anything we did or did not do because I can say it was the best relationship I have ever had, it was just cut short.
 dave1234
Joined: 11/7/2004
Msg: 58
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Having sex too early...
Posted: 4/13/2009 5:42:04 PM
I think it's important to define what sex means to a person. I frequently hear (read) people say sex is a way of showing how much one loves another. In other words sex is the result of loving the pers0n. It is the product of the love. That is one definition.

IMO, sex is "making love" which means it makes or develops or encourages love. That's why "make-up" sex is so important. After a couple have an argument/disagreement and then have sex they are not saying, "Wow, that argument was great! I really love you so let's have sex."

Whether the argument may have been extremely heated or mildly so it does affect our feelings towards the person. We don't stop loving them but it does affect the closeness. Whether one person walks away for a time out or they reach an agreement it has still affected that loving feeling. That's why couples who continually argue usually split. The "love container" is emptied.

When sex takes place it "makes" love. It replenishes the container.

When two people meet and click and want to have sex it's because they want to fill that "container". Thinking about our best friend it took a relatively long time, probably years, to love (care about) that person by going the friendship route. That's why, when it comes to couples, the "making of love" is so important.
 Lovelygirl88
Joined: 6/25/2008
Msg: 61
Having sex too early...
Posted: 4/13/2009 11:21:00 PM
Kawai,

Is it fair for a guy try to sleep with girl on the first date and then use this fact for dumping her?? I don't see any logic in it! If you think that sex on the first date is not good for realtionship, why are you trying to have sex anyways?

No, it is not fair. But I believe, many guys are foolishly have that thoughts, unspoken or spoken out loud. It is not fair that women would be the victim of their affections to guys.

These are what puzzled me : many posts ( not just from this year old thread), suggested that guys will not change their hearts because sex was good, so most guys are infatuate by women who know "how to time/hold/control sex", while their building feelings, relationship, talk, commitments, blah blah etc (making sure that she is the Right woman). and finally these guys win their prize and marry this women, said guys happy for the timebeing only to complain and even Divorce that prize women citing that they did NOT get enough sex or zilch sex, Duh! guys you opted for that treatments.

I still believe there is no such thing as Too soon for sex. The real things are Anyone should Respect and Appreciate the Act of Sex, it means two people Give each other the Most intimate feelings and not degrading such a beautiful gestures.
 Lovelygirl88
Joined: 6/25/2008
Msg: 64
Having sex too early...
Posted: 4/15/2009 12:02:40 AM
. but then some never learned how to make love as opposed to fcuk... and some women have become so jaded to sex by a parade of indifferent guys, that sex with them is no fun either...

when there is no love, it would be just sex. Practice make perfect. Any person who never get a chance being in a rather long term relationship usually don't deliver good / decent sex. Some don't even know how to kiss, or hug.
A guy who keep thinking that Each woman who will sleep with him is not worthy to be kept, probably is Worthless anyway. He is too busy trying to proof that this woman has nothing better to offer, cheap, just for fun partner, rather than appreciate her and trying to explore the human side of a person. There are working women for that purpose ( ie hookers).
Now reading many posts, it is clear that there is almost NO relation between timing of Having sex and relationship.
There is no "safe" timing for a woman to give in, the best way is for women to just hold the sex until the guy formally agree to"buy the cow" ( at least engagement).
 Isabella1900
Joined: 4/17/2005
Msg: 65
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Having sex too early...
Posted: 4/15/2009 12:36:30 PM
If depends, we all are different. In my personal experience, well I had sex soo soon with my ex-husband and we had a 20 years wonderful marriage.

It means, for me if the chemistry is there so soon is good. If both are mature giving and recieve sex is a wonderful experience. A day, a week, a year or life time
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