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 celts123
Joined: 5/15/2008
Msg: 53
Divorced or Never Married...Which is Better?Page 6 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
It would depend on the reasons why a person has never been married or is divorced.
 yooperbrat03
Joined: 7/19/2006
Msg: 61
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History
Divorced or Never Married...Which is Better?
Posted: 6/8/2008 12:05:54 AM
You ask "which is better" but how are you to know unless you have experienced either one?

Honestly, it should not matter. If there is a connection between two people then there's a connection. Hopefully there's an openness to listen and learn as to why a person is either divorced or has stayed single. Each of us has our own likes/dislikes but to determine which is "better" possible should be phrased as which is prefered.


Brat
 WanderingRain
Joined: 3/9/2008
Msg: 65
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History
Divorced or Never Married...Which is Better?
Posted: 8/20/2008 6:01:21 PM
My two cents:

Single/No kids/30+ -- depends. Basically, IMHO she's ok so far. If she has a fascinating profile and not full of angst or hate -- wonderful! I'm hitting the "message her" button.

Divorced with kids -- depends. If her profile suggests she hasn't learned anything from her last relationship -- forget it. There's plenty of clues if you look.
if her profile is full of substance and is a good read, then you have something.
 sherilyn70
Joined: 1/26/2007
Msg: 71
Divorced or Never Married...Which is Better?
Posted: 11/9/2008 3:54:11 AM

Plus, it's a very good sign if a man is close to his kids.

It's also a very good sign if a man has clear control over his kids yet they aren't afraid of him.

I have a friend from work that I cringe at the thought of spending time with if he has his 2 year old. He has absolutely no control over the child and he is a nightmare to be around. The horror stories he tells us about the things his son does (tearing apart the kitchen, dumping cat litter into the toilet and everywhere else, etc) made me extremely observant of what the boyfriends kids might do when we're not looking.

The boyfriends 2 year old is so much different (and so is the 12 year old). They respond to orders and don't get into much trouble. They don't throw tantrums and they know how to communicate. It's obvious they love him because when it's time to see him they are excited and the other weekend when we ended up keeping them for half a day longer than planned the 12 year old exclaimed "yes!".
 h2h32
Joined: 8/31/2006
Msg: 74
Divorced or Never Married...Which is Better?
Posted: 11/10/2008 8:01:19 AM
Hey there,

I think it all boils down to the individual. Some people who divorced may realize they made a mistake with the marriage, in which case they have learned from it. At least it shows, to a certain extent, that they were able to commit to someone.

As for having few relationships, I too fall into that category. In my 20s, I was more interested in getting my career set up, travelling and finishing up grad school. I didn't start thinking seriously about relationships until a few years ago. Sure, people make mistakes, but can they learn from them is the issue.

Let me leave you with two thoughts:
1. Everyone has baggage - it can either weigh you down or make you stronger - as long as you carry it successfully.

2. You don't have to bite the donut to know that it's sweet. Just because someone's had a lot of relationships, doesn't mean they know what they're doing. For all we know, they may have been doing the same (wrong) thing all this time.

Helen.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 75
Divorced or Never Married...Which is Better?
Posted: 11/10/2008 8:23:42 AM
Depends on the reasons for never being married vs. the quality of a past marriage.

I'd rather date a never been married guy than a man who's been married and broken financially, emotionally, etc by a terrible marriage.

On the other hand, I'd date a previously married guy who had a great marriage and a mutual breakup who is on pleasant terms with the ex than a guy who's never been married because of some personal issue.

It totally depends on the person and the circumstances.
 WanderingRain
Joined: 3/9/2008
Msg: 77
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Divorced or Never Married...Which is Better?
Posted: 11/12/2008 1:03:36 AM

If the perfect person was to walk into your life and be open to dating you and you had your choice between whether he or she was divorced or never married. What camp would you fall into? Remember, they are "perfect" for you in the sense they have NO/ZERO deficiencies...be it alimony, bitterness, lack of enough experience in long term relationships, etc. Behind the door on the left is Ms Right with no marriage in her past, on the right is Ms Right with a divorce in her past; which door to do open to chat with Ms Right?


When you put it that way, what will make me choose a divorced person over a never married one? Of course I would go for unmarried.

Many people have long meaningful relationships even if they stayed single. Some even cohabit even without marriage. They're just smart enough to avoid signing away their lives too easily.

Also, personally, I would love to discover married life and raising kids together with both of us learning at the same time.
 Miss W
Joined: 12/4/2006
Msg: 79
Divorced or Never Married...Which is Better?
Posted: 11/18/2008 11:52:57 AM

Personally I would have to say the best rule is to judge on a case by case basis.

Exactly. I've known guys in both camps... some have their shyt together and others don't...I will always choose the one who does.
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 80
Divorced or Never Married...Which is Better?
Posted: 5/18/2010 12:51:04 AM
Statistically..... divorced plays better than never married.
I dont know why, but that was the only thing that I changed on my profile, and well suddenly it had respnses to the page.....
Over the last year I have mettled with all the parameters at interval, it has been an interesting social commentary
Tall plays better than short (here above 6 ft)
Divored better than single
kids better than does not want kids/undecided
non smoker better than smoker
Network Admin above Insurance
and of course, the higher the salary the higher the response rate.

Take it all in stride. Go meet people in real life, you will feel better, faster.
 merelymortal
Joined: 11/24/2009
Msg: 81
Divorced or Never Married...Which is Better?
Posted: 5/18/2010 1:03:00 AM
People who get married young are losers... its pretty statistical. They settle, take religion to seriously, let their family boss them around, they tend to be less educated, they make less money, they also have to have children... hahaha... I'm not sure what the minuses are for us never been married people?

That we don't settle? We aren't tied down? We take care of our health? We like to go out?...

I can never be with a lady who has kids... not anything serious anyway... thats just too much BS.

That crap on women's profiles "my kid is my life" MAJOR turn off... because, we don't care... we don't want to hear it.

I mean, I hope you care about your kid... but if its all you do is take a check from the baby daddy and care for the kid... get off the high horse... lol, thats a sign that you have bad taste in men anyway and to STF away. hehe
 merelymortal
Joined: 11/24/2009
Msg: 82
Divorced or Never Married...Which is Better?
Posted: 5/18/2010 1:14:04 AM

I would have to say DIVORCED. You learn in a marriage what it takes for real, to make one work. Learn what not to do the next time.


this one made me literally lol...

Failed at marriage... so obviously... they know how to work with a relationship... hehehe

Like someone can't learn about relationships without some formal legal agreement and a clergyman being involved... lol

its seems pretty absurd
 ForRumOnly
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 84
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Divorced or Never Married...Which is Better?
Posted: 5/18/2010 6:25:17 AM
Basically, it comes down to your own opinion, and my opinion - like pretty much everyone's! - is probably worthless.

Why? Because few people really understand much about relationship psychology, and few bother to make the effort to actually learn from the past except perhaps to avoid the one problem that ruined the previous relationship.

Statistically, second or third marriages fail at a higher rate than first marriages, so on that basis somone who's never married should be a safer prospect. However, we all know that so many factors influence success of a relationship and so few unmarried people exist past your 20's, that you essentially have to select from whoever is available. That means figuring out how to evaluate an individual based on many, many factors, and of course knowing just what factors should be used!
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 86
Divorced or Never Married...Which is Better?
Posted: 5/18/2010 6:28:17 PM

I am more attracted to a man who is divorced. It shows he isn't afraid to make the committment. I am divorced also, so I would assume we would have more in common.


What a load of crap and double talk. Sure, the guy wasn't afraid to make a commitment, but the guy wasn't afraid of breaking that commitment also. Do you want a guy who will kick you to the curb when things go wrong? Afterall, he and the ex have experience in breaking commitment. Most married guys end up breeding, so there will always be that life-long connection with the ex, which can be a lot of baggage because of kids. Is that better than someone who doesn't have that baggage and is not forced to deal with an ex forever?

WTF is with the statement " I am divorced also, so I would assume we would have more in common." That may be the one and only thing you have in common with that someone. Shouldn't you have more in common than that to make a relationship work? Duh!
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 92
Divorced or Never Married...Which is Better?
Posted: 5/31/2010 6:09:51 PM

Never married- less baggage

I wouldn't necessarily say that. There are several scenarios either way that can bring baggage. People who ARE STILL married can bring baggage (even when not on the market).

Never married = "Why haven't they married? What's wrong with them?"
Was married = "Why did they get a divorce? What's wrong with them?"

It's a lose-lose situation. :) If you're over 30 and out in the dating market, you're going to assume to have 'baggage'. Like one poster said, you judge it based on getting to know their story and them some (to see if it seems to be accurate).

In the end, everyone has "issues" or "baggage" that's notable to SOMEONE. As the years go on, less people have a low amount that isn't that notable.
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