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 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 46
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CHANGING PEOPLEPage 4 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
I am not steamed. I just observe that the whole issue is not a Black issue. Its a people issue, and I think that it is a very important people issue.
 ankkka
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 50
CHANGING PEOPLE
Posted: 6/6/2008 4:46:18 AM
I changed my opinion...

Yes...it is possible...and yes...can be positive...just depends on the kind of influence you use...and depends on the person's personality...you want to change...
We can change person's attitude ...behavior...manners...feelings and beliefs...
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 52
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CHANGING PEOPLE
Posted: 6/6/2008 7:54:43 AM
Indeed, I am familiar with the history of black soldiers in the US Military, and its not an exemplary story in any way.

Personally, I don't believe that people in general can be significantly changed by others in the usual course of life. By the time one gets to this age, the methods, thoughts and approaches one has developed over life are pretty solidly ingrained, and only rather dramatic influences will cause them to change, an then only temporarily. They say that children don't listen, but my experience is that its adults that don't listen. Children listen, evaluate and learn, and adopt according to their experience. Adults, however, tend to do the same thing over and over, and rarely take advice.

As to how a black woman should think, anybody who believes that black people should or do think any differently from any other color of skinned person should think is, in my view, lacking any knowledge of or understanding of the nature of the human being. We all think in ways that we learned at a very early age from those around us at the time and in the place we grew up. That has absolutely nothing to do with color, is not related to genetics, and is largely based on social norms and practices that are of centuries and millennial past origin.

Politicians, on the other hand, continuously strive to profit from tribal tendencies that are manifest in human behavior by first emphasizing trivial differences in people, such as color, language, ethnic origin, physical stature, religion, eating habits, living habits, education and a host of other things so that they can gain power of various groups. As a child, I was forced to identify myself according to the religion of myself and my family for all kinds of administrative purposes, even although I had concluded that religion was largely based on historical myths of dubious factual authenticity. This was solely to enable governments to discriminate against various groups in society. Today, that practice is illegal here, and frankly, things are much better for it.

I support the struggle for equal rights for all people, but I am always sensitive to basing such struggle on the specific characteristics of individuals or groups.
 MacKevinized
Joined: 2/15/2006
Msg: 53
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CHANGING PEOPLE
Posted: 6/6/2008 8:06:58 AM

BUT we can influence them by our actions and sharing our thoughts with them. The final act of them changing comes from them, not us. JMO


If you've influenced them to change, then you have proven you can make them change.
The simple act of leaving a relationship forces change on them. They go from being in a relationship to not being in a relationship.

Pavlov proved you can induce changes and many psychological theories and methods have been formulated since then to make people change.

I believe the issue is being changed into something you don't want to be changed into and that, I can agree is not always a good thing.
 ankkka
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 54
CHANGING PEOPLE
Posted: 6/6/2008 8:31:03 AM
Just few things...
-to be more romantic...generous...less impatient and rarely feel anger...
 dakota1955
Joined: 6/20/2007
Msg: 62
CHANGING PEOPLE
Posted: 6/11/2008 8:10:45 AM
MUSHA ON THAT ONE
 Rythmn
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 63
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CHANGING PEOPLE
Posted: 3/10/2009 11:40:51 AM
women think men want to change them, because (assuming they are heterosexual) that is who they are meeting and yearning for: men. men think women want to change them, (assuming that they are heterosexual) because that is who they are meeting and yearning for: women. now, if you are a gay man or lesbian, you just have to own up that this is "who" you are meeting.

i can't expect to meet the love of what's left of my life, w/o doing the work to find him/her. work can be fun! it' s like knowing you want a toyota and you keep yelling at the fords. yes, men and women clearly have different brains. that doesn't necessarily mean either has to change. there is such a thing as yin and yang and complementarity, teamwork and/or interdependence.

it's like insisting someone speaking spanish must speak french. ya each gotta learn the other's language. hey, i'm still learning "californian" and believe me it's a feat for a brooklyn jewish broad! there are also cultural and regional linguistic and communication styles and preferences.

i think, for me, that i need to get at the underlying intention of those who i need or want in my life. all in all, i think there is a certain sense of humor to be found in the whole scenario. so, essentially gotta choose to laugh or to cry. i've done my share of crying. laughing is a lot more fun (and a lot less work!). for me, i'm learning to get out of the box, challenge my "preferences", not take sh-t from control freaks, but also try to excercize some compassion. all in all, i think we (men and women), broadly speaking have a lot more in common, than we do differences. of course, there are many different combos and preferences within that broad sweep.

we all do life, lose things, lose people, suffer, rejoice, fart, et al. we need to find our own power, so that we don't crumble when we "perceive" someone is out to get us. many people will operate out of fear or ignorance or even guilt. some can't think past their own nose, let alone smell out who anyone else really is as a distinct human being. i believe the term for this is "alienation".

so, just gotta get around it some way, experiment, go out of the safety zone and find those who resonate with you, maybe even embrace the pain in the asses. i am sure nobody is such a "mutation" that they can't find a sense of community someplace. it all starts with "community", preceded by "humanity". it's challenging, but it's what makes us "alive". i believe spirit (or energy) enters the physical body to learn and to serve. when it comes to the opposite sexes, there is a lot of learning going on. after life is over, our bodies become just a whole lot of fertilizer. so, we'd better use it, before we lose it!
 treselle
Joined: 6/16/2005
Msg: 66
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CHANGING PEOPLE
Posted: 3/11/2009 8:37:08 AM
It is a control issue. Only controlling people do that. Such men love a shrew hoping to tame her. It is like taming a wild horse.
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