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 Indigo rose
Joined: 3/17/2007
Msg: 41
Sometimes I think, No one person can meet ALL my needs.Page 4 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
The older we get, the wiser and pickier we are!

why shouldn't I have one partner for sex, one for intellectual stimulation, one who understands my emotions,

Social research suggests we are attracted to the physical when we are younger,
and then to more emotional...spiritual things. Kind of a no-brain-er...I suppose.
But I definitely think that as I get older sex just doesn't matter as much without the emotional component?
I think Doctor Frankenstein was on to something...the brain from one...the heart from another..and don't forget this guy
 Dumpling-Girl
Joined: 7/20/2005
Msg: 43
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Sometimes I think, No one person can meet ALL my needs.
Posted: 6/1/2008 8:38:12 PM
I have this thought sometimes, but only when I'm single. When I'm actually with someone, then I feel very satisfied (and yes, everyone is flawed, no one's going to be the perfect person), and only want to love and be intimate with that one person. I have other friends to join me with other hobbies and interests that I may not share with that person, and I think that is a normal and healthy way of looking at the relationship. The man I am partnered with can still be "the one" without fulfilling all those other roles. However, if the sex, affection, and the eating with the man isn't good, then you don't really have much of a relationship.
 Indigo rose
Joined: 3/17/2007
Msg: 45
Sometimes I think, No one person can meet ALL my needs.
Posted: 6/1/2008 8:44:50 PM

With all due respect, lets just push this cart of yours downhill and follow your thoughts to logical conclusion. Say you find 5 people, and they all manage to fulfill your needs perfectly. At this point, you'll have five people on your hands who need to have all of their sexual,intellectual,and other needs fulfilled. How would you accomplish that?

Always remember there is nothing sexier than a mature silver haired woman with life experience, self confidence, and a good retirement pension.

 Remington55
Joined: 9/23/2007
Msg: 48
Sometimes I think, No one person can meet ALL my needs.
Posted: 6/1/2008 10:04:09 PM

O/P Msg 1 ~ One partner for... another for, blah, blah, blah...
What is the most fundamental aspect about getting into a relationship? It's the relationship, for without it there is no "US." A healthy relationship supports life & love. How? Through intimacy, communication, forgiveness, trust, giving and receiving, commitment and letting go. It's the giving of 100% to each other, anything less is self-serving.

If you want someone you can trust more & love less, get a dog or a pet of some sort. Hmmm at least with a dog, they'll be there with you through thick & thin if you treat em right. They can also meet every other aspect except intimacy & if they do, that's crossing the line... Only by looking in a mirror will we find that ultimate person who meets ALL of our needs & requirements. Then the decision would be to just become asexual. I hear that is the new trend nowadays...

Know how to get a dog to forget that he's a dog, introduce him to a few fleas, that will certainly take his mind off himself and his needs... It will inspire him to get a new sense of direction too...


O/P (Msg 1) ...Obviously, not all of these partners need to be of the opposite sex...
So who says any of them has to be of the opposite sex, doesn't only a woman truly understand what another woman wants & goes through? So many responses lately have indicated that ALL men (and I use the term loosely) are just pigs, and only want sex?

Just curious...

**~Remington55~**
 crayonzz
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 54
Sometimes I think, No one person can meet ALL my needs.
Posted: 6/2/2008 6:43:05 AM
Any good man can easily meet your needs.

It's your wants and whims that they can't meet. Why shuld they? You can't meet theirs either.
 blondi75
Joined: 8/30/2007
Msg: 55
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Sometimes I think, No one person can meet ALL my needs.
Posted: 6/2/2008 6:49:04 AM
You must know your own needs and wants. You r to dependent on someone else. Live your life and have fun. Go out with the girls and have some laughs. You need to secure your life first before you can find someone. Keep your head up and enjoy life. The right man will be around the corner.
 sably
Joined: 4/8/2008
Msg: 64
Sometimes I think, No one person can meet ALL my needs.
Posted: 6/2/2008 5:22:54 PM
I waited a while to comment because I thought it would be one long list of posts with people agreeing with you. I'm really surprised at all the opposition. I mean we are all here. Probably because we haven't found 'the one.' I think the only realistic thing to do is fill your life with as many people as it takes to make you feel satisfied. We only get one time round. Does it make sense to be alone waiting when it could be years before you find someone? One post said we will never have true satisfaction until we find one person who fulfills all of our desires. I sure hope that is not true. I didn't hear the op insulting any past partners. I just heard her expressing her lack of luck in finding a suitable one. I didn't get the feeling she was cheating on anyone or was even suggesting it. As long as you are being honest with everyone, I can't see the harm in you living your life the way you see fit. Good luck in finding everything you are looking for.
 sxyvirgo
Joined: 7/26/2006
Msg: 65
Sometimes I think, No one person can meet ALL my needs.
Posted: 6/2/2008 5:55:14 PM
One question you haven't addressed is why you need OPPOSITE sexed people to fulfill your non-sexual needs regarding intellectual stimulation, emotional support, etc. Why not marry the "sex person" and have men for the rest? No controversy in that... There's really no controversy in having women fulfill the non-sexual needs either - it only gets "sticky" if your spouse isn't the one fulfilling your sexual needs....just playing devil's advocate here.
 mthomjmark
Joined: 2/27/2008
Msg: 66
Sometimes I think, No one person can meet ALL my needs.
Posted: 6/3/2008 1:11:31 AM
I want a billion dollars and I wont take a job until I get one that gives me a billion dollars; I dont want to settle; oh brother; this I dont want to settle bull crap is about being self absorbed and too high maintenance. No one is perfect and to shock many of you that say this, you are not anyones perfect catch either.

You should never need anyone emotionally; you want them.
 dave1234
Joined: 11/7/2004
Msg: 67
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Sometimes I think, No one person can meet ALL my needs.
Posted: 6/3/2008 5:41:53 AM
Has anyone noticed something peculiar about this thread? A number of posters have assumed the OP is a male. I wonder if that has anything to do with the topic?

 ThirdTimeAround
Joined: 12/31/2007
Msg: 68
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Sometimes I think, No one person can meet ALL my needs.
Posted: 6/3/2008 1:40:40 PM
carlisle: one chooses to compromise. i do not agree with you that i need to compromise or die a lonely old peron. the thought depresses me. we have our children, our family, our friends, our pets, neighbors , etc ....... i will never compromise !!!!!! too many fish in the sea to compromise !!!!!
 cowtrucker
Joined: 5/20/2007
Msg: 70
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Sometimes I think, No one person can meet ALL my needs.
Posted: 6/5/2008 12:15:35 PM
OP, you have 20 years on me, and yet I agree with you. Although I do agree with some of the other members as well.

I won't say that I'm picky, but I have found that trying to find a mate that matches EXACTLY what I am looking for, is like looking for a diamond in the desert.

I think you should stick to your guns in looking for a mate, however what needs you have now, are the reason God invented friends! I have girl and guy friends to chat with, to hear my problems and offer advice, to share my joys, and pick me up when I fall. I have friends that I enjoy my activities with, like working on the cars/trucks, horseback riding, roping, fishing, farming, and working.

As far as sex goes, I'm a little old fashioned in that aspect, although it seems society has opened its arms to friends with benefits, I believe sex is still sacred, and prefer to keep it that way... In your world, things may be different.

I do agree with you, that in older times, people weren't looking for so much as they are now. Back then, ladies did less in the workplace, and were at home raising the family and taking care of the man and his castle; while the man was out working to support his wife and children. Now in society, it takes two incomes to support even just a single married couple with no children. I do think that people were more willing to accept differences and overlook certain things to stay together, than the people of today. It seems that packing up and leaving, is a much easier option than counseling and compromising...

So, my advice? Keep your friends, and don't change what you are looking for! I believe somewhere I have a mate who IS everything I want, and a bag of chips. Somewhere yours is hiding as well, and when the time is right for the both of you, things will come into focus!

CowTrucker
Chapman, Kansas
 Highplains Drifter
Joined: 9/19/2007
Msg: 74
Sometimes I think, No one person can meet ALL my needs.
Posted: 6/25/2008 1:52:09 AM
I think you observation is fundamentally correct. After over 25 years of practicing law, I have reached the conclusion that one of the reasons so many relationships are so crappy that they end in divorce is because the expectations on both sides are too high.

In earlier times, particularly when marriages were arranged, it was not unusual for a man to marry a woman or political and economic reasons and to have children with her. At the same time, he might keep one or more mistresses.

A century ago, when people tended to entertain more in their homes, the men and women would retire to different rooms and engage in their own discussions.

Expecting someone to be everything puts quite a burden on the relationship.

On the other hand, be honest about it. If someone is expecting a romantic relationship, don't lead them on. It's not fair to string along someone.
 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 76
Sometimes I think, No one person can meet ALL my needs.
Posted: 6/25/2008 9:20:15 AM
At times I wish we all had the same appearance as far as all men looking alike and all women looking alike. In some ways that would make dating a lot easier. My needs are basic- respect, fun, sense of humor, intelligence, sensual and sexual, able to be monogamous and committed, able to listen and agree to disagree. I feel as if I offer the same things that I seek, so why is it so dang hard to connect with appropriate men?
 that sam i am
Joined: 10/27/2006
Msg: 77
Sometimes I think, No one person can meet ALL my needs.
Posted: 6/25/2008 9:45:21 AM

Sometimes I think, No one person can meet ALL my needs.

Congratulations. That is the first step to finding happiness.
Not many people even get this far.
 nipoleon
Joined: 12/27/2005
Msg: 79
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Sometimes I think, No one person can meet ALL my needs.
Posted: 6/25/2008 11:38:31 AM
I know perfectly well that no one person could possibly meet all my needs.
It is my ultimate disappointment and sorrow that no one can.
Also my joy.
Nothing would make me happier than to find someone who would be all that I want.
But, that would make me lazy and never want to get out of the house.

Be thankful for your disappointments in life.
It is only through disappointment that you become a better person.
 SmartestGuyinworld
Joined: 5/16/2008
Msg: 82
Sometimes I think, No one person can meet ALL my needs.
Posted: 6/25/2008 1:20:10 PM
Contentment and NOT happiness is the key.

Wants can never be satisfied, because expectations keep rising, everytime a want is satisfied.

Like sex, .....the newer and greater experince must be attained to surpass the last months experiences.

So,.......Learn about "CONTENTMENT".

.
 WeAre1
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 84
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Sometimes I think, No one person can meet ALL my needs.
Posted: 6/25/2008 7:42:51 PM
I think, OP, y0u've got the right idea - and I think those who believe they can find most of what they want in one person also have the right idea.......

It is such a personal thing. I am pretty eclectic in my passions and it would be nice to have my romantic partner share more of them, but I have found what works for me is, whether I am in a romantic relationship or not, I live my life and love many who do share my passions - and then when one comes along who shares a more intimate connection with me, then it's almost like I have that blanket of love overseeing me and all that i do. They do not have to be with my in every activity I do.

So, I think it's about balance - like so many things. Sure, why not have different people who connect with you for different aspects of your life and you......but to call them all partners might run into problems. I'm not sure how men take to the idea of sharing their partner with so many! (smile)

Also, honestly I think you've compartmentalized things just a bit too much in your post - for example, hopefully the person for sex would also connect with you emotionally - even slightly?
 TxSippiGal
Joined: 9/30/2007
Msg: 85
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Sometimes I think, No one person can meet ALL my needs.
Posted: 6/25/2008 8:20:24 PM
I think it is a flaws concept.. a spouse is not meant to meet all a person's needs..
 AngelStar1587
Joined: 3/3/2008
Msg: 87
Sometimes I think, No one person can meet ALL my needs.
Posted: 6/25/2008 11:44:48 PM
I havnt read all the threads so maybe someone has said something like this...but
I think you have to ask yourself what exactly it is your looking for. Are you being unrealistic at all? No one is perfect so like most have said I dont think its possible to find someone to fit ALL your needs.

However (and maybe this is my problem) I also belive that if you settle for anything less then what you want, your not going to be happy. I think a big part of a successful relationship is communications and comprimising. Maybe you havnt communicated well enough to your partner what it is you need.
 pegasusss
Joined: 5/30/2008
Msg: 88
Sometimes I think, No one person can meet ALL my needs.
Posted: 6/26/2008 6:56:58 AM
I cannot believe you are at this age, and still obviously just as stupid as you were many years ago... I bet you've been asking this question for most of your life...... and you still haven't figured out the answer??.

How many more people in your life are you going to ask this question to? Obviously you haven't found anyone in your personal life, or anyone you truly admire to accept your theory, so you bring it to a dating site??

Your an idiot. You are selfish and..... your an idiot.

You don't deserve to have a partner. Thats why nobody is chasing you. and if they do chase you, once they catch you, they'll figure out very quickly that your better off being chucked back into the ocean. I bet they wont even bother to look back to see if you sink or swim!!


You had better change your life around before you take the dirt nap, unloved, unwanted and unsung. You need some serious
 dave1234
Joined: 11/7/2004
Msg: 89
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Sometimes I think, No one person can meet ALL my needs.
Posted: 6/26/2008 3:58:09 PM

(msg 102) We are expected to take Viagra until our peckers turn black and fall off!


Now that's a laugh-out-loud remark!


Did anybody ever stop and think that it might be part of the natural order that over time, as we age, relationships turn into an affectionate companionship and that if you actually come to a time in your (a couple's life) that sex is no longer part of it that it is OK.


If one actually gets to that age. I'm 55 and an orgasm feels just as good as it felt when I was 15 or 25.

I think one can make a comparison between sex and dinner. Today, people live busy lives so they grab a burger or put something in the microwave. Even though they don't cook a full course dinner it doesn't mean they are not hungry. Rather than take time to prepare dinner they replace it with fast food.

The same happens with sex. That's why sex toys sell so well. People want the release sex gives without the usual preparation. Masturbate and get it over with.


...I don't think we were necessarily supposed to maintain eternal passion in marriage.


Throughout history people didn't have anything else to do at night. It was dark. The man and the woman spent 9 or 10 or more hours in darkness. Passion wasn't a prerequisite. The choice was to stare at the darkness or have an orgasm.

Today, with so many diversions, passion has to compete with the new movie in town or the mall or a house party or working overtime for that promotion. The natural order of couples having sex on a regular basis has been disturbed. A healthy man and woman, put together every night in the same room without anything to do, will more than likely engage in sex. Either that or stare at the wall. That's the way it was for 1000's of years.

Although we have publicized sex I do not believe people, as a whole, are having more sex. Years ago, most people were coupled. Years ago, people married much younger. The emptiness people feel is due to them not connecting on a regular basis. Wanting someone to connect with, wanting someone to have sex with is neither needy nor in some other way abnormal.

From a teleological perspective half the day was arranged so people wouldn't/couldn't be doing anything but have sex.
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 91
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Sometimes I think, No one person can meet ALL my needs.
Posted: 7/12/2008 11:52:44 PM
If a person lacks of selfworth he/she will have a hard time to find some one to fill his /her voidness. No one in this earth will fill up all your needs, you have to love yourself, and share love to have a fulfilling relationship.
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