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Joined: 3/13/2010
Msg: 926
crayons dipped in phoenix firePage 38 of 44    (4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44)
no writing going on here....plenty of working and reading, though...

The Eleventh Prison

No one knows God's qualities.
We know the effects and the things
that have been said about them.

A child wants to know what sex is.
You might say, Sweet, like candy.
but where is your experience in that answer?

If someone asks if you know the prophet Noah,
you may answer yes or no. Both are right,
and neither is true. Neither is a lie.

I have heard about Noah since I was a child,
but only someone with prophetic awareness
can know a prophet. That is a response
that is closer to the truth.

Things that once seemed absurd now are obvious.
You have been released from 10 successive prisons,
each larger and containing the last.

The wide plain you're on now,
do you feel it closing in? It is possible
to reject and admit the same thing.

Joined: 3/13/2010
Msg: 927
crayons dipped in phoenix fire
Posted: 10/22/2010 7:02:02 PM

I sat long enough in fire.
Now I am up to my neck in the water of union.

You say, up to the neck is not enough.
Make your head your foot and descend into love.
There is no up to the neck union.

I say, But for the sake of your garden
I sat up to my neck in blood.
You say, Yes. You escaped the alluring world,
but not yourself.

You are the magician caught in his own trickery.
Cut the breath of self and be silent.

Language cannot come from your throat
as you choke and go under.

Joined: 11/30/2010
Msg: 928
crayons dipped in phoenix fire
Posted: 1/16/2011 11:40:03 AM
I've been through one helluva year, Eyeshine....nothing similar to your "helluva year"....but it's been interesting nonetheless....complete sobriety looks good on me, when I'm not wanting to choke the shot outta people :) know me, "keepin' it real" like always, just a little different...

I swear if one more person tries to stick their hand up my ass and make me a puppet, I may snap......or is that what I just did? HA....well, I must say I'm getting better at snapping anyways :D

So did you just come by to shoot the bull? No writes? Bummer. Hope you're doin well!!
Joined: 11/30/2010
Msg: 929
crayons dipped in phoenix fire
Posted: 1/16/2011 11:42:16 AM
but it is.
and she is.
perhaps not in a form or fashion that a human mind

could find comfort in

but one that is wished for.

It's time, again.

Suck it up soldier
and spit it out real hard.

Make it stick to the walls
that you've built behind bars.

Is a headache today.

Addiction to pain and the solution
leave me with nothing else to say.

with the world passing by.

I could beat them.
I could join them.
I can sit here and sigh.
Joined: 11/30/2010
Msg: 930
crayons dipped in phoenix fire
Posted: 1/16/2011 2:24:15 PM
I can dig it.

I'm sitting here with a 5'4" Italian/Portugese woman between my legs thinking she's not fast enough.

It's the same, but different.

and bullshit.


(I'm raising my sweet just can't see me)
Joined: 11/30/2010
Msg: 931
crayons dipped in phoenix fire
Posted: 1/16/2011 3:33:26 PM
Pedicures are wonderful stress relief. ;)

You still want her spot? lol
Joined: 11/30/2010
Msg: 932
crayons dipped in phoenix fire
Posted: 1/21/2011 8:41:42 AM
He taught me to stab people
and I giggled as he shot people in the head
while every hair on his went wherever it wanted.

He is a mess,
but it's my "call of duty"
to laugh freely
to love openly
and to just "let it be."

The gleam in his eye
is one that, I cannot deny,
makes my heart flutter just a little.

little baby butterflies
surviving in that cold chamber.

I am thawing
and thankful
and fighting it on some days.

when it comes to the pace of grace,
I never cease to be amazed.
Joined: 11/30/2010
Msg: 933
crayons dipped in phoenix fire
Posted: 1/26/2011 8:19:53 AM
(the above WAS a reference to a video occured to me later how that may have been

the elevator dings.
the ladies next to me haven't stopped talking since I sat down (about everything that they "know everything" about)
I'm not sure if I'd rather still think I knew everything with a smile on my face,
or be sitting here knowing I don't, gritting my teeth in the midst of this place.

sitting in the mental health facility downtown for the financially disadvantaged
and a drug rep enters only to say to the lady at the front desk
"oh sure is packed in here today...what, are y'all giving away color TV's ?!"

The irony of comparing the affliction of the poor 
to a color TV...

I'm here for a few reasons...
and my surroundings are testing me.

Life is full of those:
Ironic moments...and coincidences 
that aren't coincidental;
people that are so human that we must let them be that

..people that we must let be where they're at...

Only to trust and know 
that if it wasn't meant to be, it wouldn't be so.

There's a lady I cannot forgot to mention...
she walks in and says "good morning" 
to myself and a random few others...
with a smile that would melt the hardest heart...
I can't help but love to love her..

There's a lady that accompanies her..
because of the state of her child-like mind...

I should be thankful for what I've been given,
and for the endless miracles that I find.

(been waiting in this lobby for 3 hours in counting...that's enough to test anyone's mental state...had to get outta my head for a sec...thanks for reading! "keep coming back" hehe)
Joined: 11/30/2010
Msg: 934
crayons dipped in phoenix fire
Posted: 1/27/2011 9:15:23 AM

the lady that does the assessment to "get you in" to see the Psychiatrist
informed me that Meth use, indeed, makes the brain prematurely age 
no wonder I can't  remember where I leave shit, 
but what about the rage?

I'm a pretty nasty character when it comes to men,
I chew 'em up and spit 'em out unless I need 'em again.

I haven't  had a backrub in so long I can't remember when..
It wakes me it aches so bad, 

What was the question again?

Oh..yeah...there wasn't one.

So I'm aware of the sickness of it all.
Abstaining from relationships and drugs,
and wait....that ain't all...

I can no longer have sex with anyone because the lack of substances makes me feel...
Awareness is a double edged sword...I can't "go in for the kill."

So anyways....about that state of the union address...
Did anyone else watch it? either.

I'm well aware of the state of the union.

Unemployed, with a muther****ing tooth ache
(what I have left of a brain is definitely at stake).
Hittin' up the local food bank later on this evening...
an old flame of mine is in town...I wonder when he's leaving.

Progress...not perfection.
The ability to look at my reflection...
and learn to love what it is I see
what's meant to be will be.
Joined: 11/30/2010
Msg: 935
crayons dipped in phoenix fire
Posted: 2/16/2011 10:55:31 AM
The way of love is not
a subtle argument.

The door there
is devestation.

Birds make great sky-circles
of their freedom.
How do they learn it?

They fall, and falling,
they're given wings.

Joined: 6/14/2010
Msg: 936
view profile
crayons dipped in phoenix fire
Posted: 2/17/2011 3:28:47 PM
A crayon
absent mind, close
fingertips grasp hugs
masterpiece imagination

winged Mercury delivers
message encourging
images life spring
A crayon
Joined: 11/30/2010
Msg: 937
crayons dipped in phoenix fire
Posted: 2/23/2011 10:09:58 AM
Hello Mr. T :) Pleasure to see you here...sorry for the delayed response, my muse and I are playing peek-a-boo...and so I've chosen to "ramble on"

He wants.
He wants like any man should 
at an age that all men will.
He wants to put  his hands on everything
like a child in a store.
At some point I would have hated him,
now I just watch him explore.


An absolutely beautiful specimen of a man.

I'm trying to paint a picture of his flawless imperfection,
but I'm not sure that I can.

There are not words for everything.

(Although I encountered a black Mary who will paint that picture anyways.
I wish I could introduce the two.

I wonder what "she" would paint if "she" sat and watched me or you.)

I love him,
but I don't want him.
I want the man that he could someday grow to be.
Could, would, and should
only amounts to "we'll see."

And so we play...
I am his "spiritual guru" and he is the man that makes me laugh more and hurt a little on occasion.
(progress not perfection: that is part of this equation)

We could go over or around,
but I would rather see the vision through.
I am 8 years his senior 
That would make him 22.

He's so sensitive and such a badass
to hide his soft heart and good intentions.
He's hurting and trying to battle
with some things that I won't mention.

and so we struggle, and we grow...we chat it up and then we're gone.
But when he needs to feel comfortable and loved, I am the place that he calls "home."
Joined: 11/30/2010
Msg: 938
crayons dipped in phoenix fire
Posted: 3/26/2011 1:15:37 PM
I'm not sure if it's the moon phase, the nap I took, the rainy coldness that has returned, or the  unanswered questions in my life that pissed in my cornflakes today...

but I thought of him
at 2 p.m.

as soon as my eyes opened.

I curled up inside the warmth of the covers,
 thought of the better half of a previous lover,

and then stared at the ceiling for an hour until I had picked me apart to the nth degree...
I would have laid there until late this evening
(thank God the dog had to go pee)

and so now,
I'm drinking coffee
and daydreaming about poisoning his,
and wondering if people's "better halves" are that much
What if at the end of it all we had to take a quiz...

to tell what we learned,
 not what we'd yearned for.

Joined: 11/30/2010
Msg: 939
Child's Play
Posted: 4/10/2011 6:42:51 AM
He offered me a massage because he new life was kicking my ass right now..and he had no ill intention.
I accepted because I trust him.

That's big boy and big girl stuff
for two hearts that had grown  too tough...

to be vulnerable.
Joined: 1/4/2011
Msg: 940
Child's Play
Posted: 4/10/2011 6:51:24 AM
we are all vulnerable
no matter what the world does
Im still like silly putty
in the hands of those
that remember how to play
with a little ball of plastic
flat on a comic strip
stretched to into I dont know
and mushed to bounce again
kinda like my heart
knowing it is still young...
Joined: 3/15/2011
Msg: 941
Child's Play
Posted: 4/10/2011 9:11:16 AM
when he gets done rubbing your back
send him my way
can I go be a famous dancing girl?
what is this you say?

My kick isn't high enough
my knees don't look all that tough
and they have to be
for all the begging
you do
when you
become a dancing girl...

What the **** ever
I need a whirl
of a massage
are you?
Joined: 11/30/2010
Msg: 942
Child's Play
Posted: 4/19/2011 4:01:24 AM
Thanks a bunch for stoppin' through and sharing, Ladies :) Sorry for the delayed response...

in adoration
I watched the growth of a man
that I did not like to keep my hands off of.
I did not like the way that we both confused touch with love.

We did it anyway.

Who am I to rob him,
although a victim he would not be.
I could not rob myself...
could not be a victim of "me"

Who am I?
a human being a being, human,

.a spirit bound by time
a beat with an occasional rhyme.

A thief in the night.
A stealer of hopes and dreams.
One who gives, readily,
although happiness it seems.

Do you remember?
Can I forget?
My cup, it runneth over...
My mouth: already whet.

And drinking...

The fountain of life.

(Ethics and Suppressed Desires)
Joined: 8/28/2005
Msg: 943
view profile
Child's Play
Posted: 5/22/2011 7:41:18 PM
there's this girl that i know
dug through all the glittery gold
to find the riverbed silt it had waited in
to be discovered
to be fashioned
into something fabulous
and she thought
if those molecules
could escape that fat guy's sweaty neck
or be relieved of that gawd awful 3 karat canary diamond
and just sit in that silt
they might remember what it was like
to just shine

hope you're well ladyfriend
Joined: 11/30/2010
Msg: 944
Child's Play
Posted: 5/28/2011 8:33:41 PM

Love it...thanx for stopping through Ms. Monster...please do come again, when you get a chance...

The writing bug is so random nowadays...and life on life's terms is wonderfully exhausting at this point :)

When I can bake up something tasty, I'll drop it in the cookie jar!
Joined: 8/28/2005
Msg: 945
view profile
Child's Play
Posted: 6/7/2011 5:19:54 PM

they gave me this little coin last night
and then i got your write
an aptly timed
bouquet of gratitude

when it flows, it flows. much love to you, my friend
Joined: 11/30/2010
Msg: 946
Child's Play
Posted: 6/9/2011 6:43:24 PM
Awww maaan that's awesome :) Congratulations!!
Joined: 11/30/2010
Msg: 947
Child's Play
Posted: 7/3/2011 7:54:17 AM
he spoke the words of my poems

the ones that he had never read

I was going to tell him that he was meant for me

but I watched him walk away instead

we have matching scars yanno,
and if you truly love someone you have to let them go.
Joined: 8/28/2005
Msg: 948
view profile
Child's Play
Posted: 7/9/2011 2:38:48 PM
all love
truly flows

release of the self
from the self
is the truest love

love thyself
to thine own self be true

Joined: 12/28/2009
Msg: 949
Life's Painting
Posted: 12/22/2011 1:52:46 AM
Life's Painting

Salty tears fall down like rain
drown out the sorrow erase the pain
understanding eyes pierce the night
invisible soul searching without sight

paint me a picture of innocent times
long before words had rhythms
a looking glass reflecting truth
with the brush stroke of genius and smiling youth

paint me a picture of how it feels
to kiss the other side of ‘real’
to love the person inside today
capture this moment that never fades

make it abstract with colors sublime
hide all the flaws with the passing of time
an eternal substance without a doubt
heaven on canvas spread all about

“Paint me a picture to get lost in
Paint one that leaves me always wanting more
Show me how to use pastels while painting hell
Paint ME - a house in a field with an Iron door”
Joined: 11/30/2010
Msg: 950
Life's Painting
Posted: 12/31/2011 11:24:13 AM
the chords to my heart were being pulled in so many directions that I felt that I didn't have a complete heart to love with. but I did it anyway. the only sure way to cure sadness, that i have found, is to reach out and help others. there are children and homeless that need love, and no matter how small my love is it is more than they had before. i have a friend who needs a ride to the store. giving to others my time and my love is the greatest gift i ever gave myself. learning how to say "no", in order to love myself, is something that i am in the very process of learning. giving without possibility of praise, loving those who could do nothing for me, it is only by giving it away that I can fully keep what i have. "Dear Lord, make me an instrument of your peace...."
when drowning in the ocean one can fight the current but the arms soon grow tired, and no real progress is made at all. i chose to float, pray, and reach out a hand when my life-boat came passing by.....i can't know all the answers, so i stopped using ALL of my energy to ask "Why?"

"Where are your feet?"
once i simply concentrated on doing the next right thing within the very moment and upon the very ground on which i stood, i found that the moments added up to minutes, the minutes added up to hours, and the hours added up to days. it is how we spend our days that defines us. i try to spend mine, helping another, and giving myself a break for being human. when i find that the noise is too loud for me to do such, i call on a friend to love me until i can muster up the courage to love myself again. at all times, with baby steps, i dig deep. A paradox, perhaps? Certainly. You ever seen a baby climb a mountain?

Hey ya' this ....

[happy new year! ]
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