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Joined: 8/28/2005
Msg: 794
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crayons dipped in phoenix firePage 7 of 14    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)
hey ash et. al.

been hiding in my head again and finally got it to pop out of my ass. so, i thought i'd drop by and see what's been goin' on. wow, some serious writes since my last visit. bravo to all contributors. ash, doll, i so hear the last one... i've been trying to shake an obsession... keep getting lost in it. garf.
anyway, felt like coming here might inspire something. was hoping to leave a you a gift. here goes...

Cat sang
Lisa cried
her once-upon-a-time manilla workbook
lay open on ther floor
there, a giant crayon women
smiled down upon
many little innocents
they barely reached her shins
Lisa always made those she adored
larger than life

Joined: 12/28/2009
Msg: 797
crayons dipped in phoenix fire
Posted: 9/13/2010 2:52:02 PM
Just look down to where their found
pick em up all up from the ground
take a look at the broken pieces
and make peace with them somehow...
Joined: 8/28/2005
Msg: 800
view profile
crayons dipped in phoenix fire
Posted: 9/16/2010 4:13:21 PM
one good thing about getting old
with all the other broken parts
a broken heart
feels more like a scrape on the knee

hey ash et. al.
been a little preoccupied by the changes im experiencing as i slip ever closer to 40. an interesting pseudofact: there are medical studies that link thyroid conditions to longevity... like having your hormones out of whack, reeking "benign" havoc on your cardiovascular system (not to mention your emotional response contol) is good for your health. i don't know. hope you don't mind that share.

life is a funny little wonder
the most incredible things appear
from the most unlikely cracks

keep smiling!
Joined: 12/28/2009
Msg: 801
crayons dipped in phoenix fire
Posted: 9/16/2010 5:10:31 PM
I am strong because I am weak
I am beautiful because I know my flaws
I am a lover because I'm a fighter
I am fearless because I have been afraid
I am WISE because I have been foolish
I can laugh because I've known sadness--Unknown
I'm a survivor because I have been lost
I am unique because I'm creative
I am perfect because I know my imperfections
I am right here because I have been right there..--Erota
Joined: 12/28/2009
Msg: 802
crayons dipped in phoenix fire
Posted: 9/17/2010 6:06:43 PM
Liquid Buzz

Lost in the haze of the heartbeat
was a cup placed upon a shelf,
filled with the promise of a better tomorrow
I took a drink till there was nothing left..

Years and years seemed like seconds
as my happiness had just begun,
a bitter sweet taste of reflection
was the taste felt upon the tongue...?

a crazy scene from an insane game
round and around with continual play,
and even up to this very day,
I swear that taste was real....

Lost in the haze of the heartbeat
those memories yet still remain,
a forgotten past no longer enslaved
from the poison filled liquid buzz.BT
Joined: 11/30/2010
Msg: 805
crayons dipped in phoenix fire
Posted: 1/16/2011 11:40:03 AM
I've been through one helluva year, Eyeshine....nothing similar to your "helluva year"....but it's been interesting nonetheless....complete sobriety looks good on me, when I'm not wanting to choke the shot outta people :) know me, "keepin' it real" like always, just a little different...

I swear if one more person tries to stick their hand up my ass and make me a puppet, I may snap......or is that what I just did? HA....well, I must say I'm getting better at snapping anyways :D

So did you just come by to shoot the bull? No writes? Bummer. Hope you're doin well!!
Joined: 11/30/2010
Msg: 806
crayons dipped in phoenix fire
Posted: 1/16/2011 11:42:16 AM
but it is.
and she is.
perhaps not in a form or fashion that a human mind

could find comfort in

but one that is wished for.

It's time, again.

Suck it up soldier
and spit it out real hard.

Make it stick to the walls
that you've built behind bars.

Is a headache today.

Addiction to pain and the solution
leave me with nothing else to say.

with the world passing by.

I could beat them.
I could join them.
I can sit here and sigh.
Joined: 11/30/2010
Msg: 807
crayons dipped in phoenix fire
Posted: 1/16/2011 2:24:15 PM
I can dig it.

I'm sitting here with a 5'4" Italian/Portugese woman between my legs thinking she's not fast enough.

It's the same, but different.

and bullshit.


(I'm raising my sweet just can't see me)
Joined: 11/30/2010
Msg: 808
crayons dipped in phoenix fire
Posted: 1/16/2011 3:33:26 PM
Pedicures are wonderful stress relief. ;)

You still want her spot? lol
Joined: 11/30/2010
Msg: 809
crayons dipped in phoenix fire
Posted: 1/21/2011 8:41:42 AM
He taught me to stab people
and I giggled as he shot people in the head
while every hair on his went wherever it wanted.

He is a mess,
but it's my "call of duty"
to laugh freely
to love openly
and to just "let it be."

The gleam in his eye
is one that, I cannot deny,
makes my heart flutter just a little.

little baby butterflies
surviving in that cold chamber.

I am thawing
and thankful
and fighting it on some days.

when it comes to the pace of grace,
I never cease to be amazed.
Joined: 11/30/2010
Msg: 810
crayons dipped in phoenix fire
Posted: 1/26/2011 8:19:53 AM
(the above WAS a reference to a video occured to me later how that may have been

the elevator dings.
the ladies next to me haven't stopped talking since I sat down (about everything that they "know everything" about)
I'm not sure if I'd rather still think I knew everything with a smile on my face,
or be sitting here knowing I don't, gritting my teeth in the midst of this place.

sitting in the mental health facility downtown for the financially disadvantaged
and a drug rep enters only to say to the lady at the front desk
"oh sure is packed in here today...what, are y'all giving away color TV's ?!"

The irony of comparing the affliction of the poor 
to a color TV...

I'm here for a few reasons...
and my surroundings are testing me.

Life is full of those:
Ironic moments...and coincidences 
that aren't coincidental;
people that are so human that we must let them be that

..people that we must let be where they're at...

Only to trust and know 
that if it wasn't meant to be, it wouldn't be so.

There's a lady I cannot forgot to mention...
she walks in and says "good morning" 
to myself and a random few others...
with a smile that would melt the hardest heart...
I can't help but love to love her..

There's a lady that accompanies her..
because of the state of her child-like mind...

I should be thankful for what I've been given,
and for the endless miracles that I find.

(been waiting in this lobby for 3 hours in counting...that's enough to test anyone's mental state...had to get outta my head for a sec...thanks for reading! "keep coming back" hehe)
Joined: 11/30/2010
Msg: 811
crayons dipped in phoenix fire
Posted: 1/27/2011 9:15:23 AM

the lady that does the assessment to "get you in" to see the Psychiatrist
informed me that Meth use, indeed, makes the brain prematurely age 
no wonder I can't  remember where I leave shit, 
but what about the rage?

I'm a pretty nasty character when it comes to men,
I chew 'em up and spit 'em out unless I need 'em again.

I haven't  had a backrub in so long I can't remember when..
It wakes me it aches so bad, 

What was the question again?

Oh..yeah...there wasn't one.

So I'm aware of the sickness of it all.
Abstaining from relationships and drugs,
and wait....that ain't all...

I can no longer have sex with anyone because the lack of substances makes me feel...
Awareness is a double edged sword...I can't "go in for the kill."

So anyways....about that state of the union address...
Did anyone else watch it? either.

I'm well aware of the state of the union.

Unemployed, with a muther****ing tooth ache
(what I have left of a brain is definitely at stake).
Hittin' up the local food bank later on this evening...
an old flame of mine is in town...I wonder when he's leaving.

Progress...not perfection.
The ability to look at my reflection...
and learn to love what it is I see
what's meant to be will be.
Joined: 11/30/2010
Msg: 812
crayons dipped in phoenix fire
Posted: 2/16/2011 10:55:31 AM
The way of love is not
a subtle argument.

The door there
is devestation.

Birds make great sky-circles
of their freedom.
How do they learn it?

They fall, and falling,
they're given wings.

Joined: 6/14/2010
Msg: 813
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crayons dipped in phoenix fire
Posted: 2/17/2011 3:28:47 PM
A crayon
absent mind, close
fingertips grasp hugs
masterpiece imagination

winged Mercury delivers
message encourging
images life spring
A crayon
Joined: 11/30/2010
Msg: 814
crayons dipped in phoenix fire
Posted: 2/23/2011 10:09:58 AM
Hello Mr. T :) Pleasure to see you here...sorry for the delayed response, my muse and I are playing peek-a-boo...and so I've chosen to "ramble on"

He wants.
He wants like any man should 
at an age that all men will.
He wants to put  his hands on everything
like a child in a store.
At some point I would have hated him,
now I just watch him explore.


An absolutely beautiful specimen of a man.

I'm trying to paint a picture of his flawless imperfection,
but I'm not sure that I can.

There are not words for everything.

(Although I encountered a black Mary who will paint that picture anyways.
I wish I could introduce the two.

I wonder what "she" would paint if "she" sat and watched me or you.)

I love him,
but I don't want him.
I want the man that he could someday grow to be.
Could, would, and should
only amounts to "we'll see."

And so we play...
I am his "spiritual guru" and he is the man that makes me laugh more and hurt a little on occasion.
(progress not perfection: that is part of this equation)

We could go over or around,
but I would rather see the vision through.
I am 8 years his senior 
That would make him 22.

He's so sensitive and such a badass
to hide his soft heart and good intentions.
He's hurting and trying to battle
with some things that I won't mention.

and so we struggle, and we grow...we chat it up and then we're gone.
But when he needs to feel comfortable and loved, I am the place that he calls "home."
Joined: 11/30/2010
Msg: 815
crayons dipped in phoenix fire
Posted: 3/26/2011 1:15:37 PM
I'm not sure if it's the moon phase, the nap I took, the rainy coldness that has returned, or the  unanswered questions in my life that pissed in my cornflakes today...

but I thought of him
at 2 p.m.

as soon as my eyes opened.

I curled up inside the warmth of the covers,
 thought of the better half of a previous lover,

and then stared at the ceiling for an hour until I had picked me apart to the nth degree...
I would have laid there until late this evening
(thank God the dog had to go pee)

and so now,
I'm drinking coffee
and daydreaming about poisoning his,
and wondering if people's "better halves" are that much
What if at the end of it all we had to take a quiz...

to tell what we learned,
 not what we'd yearned for.

Joined: 11/30/2010
Msg: 816
Child's Play
Posted: 4/10/2011 6:42:51 AM
He offered me a massage because he new life was kicking my ass right now..and he had no ill intention.
I accepted because I trust him.

That's big boy and big girl stuff
for two hearts that had grown  too tough...

to be vulnerable.
Joined: 11/30/2010
Msg: 819
Child's Play
Posted: 4/19/2011 4:01:24 AM
Thanks a bunch for stoppin' through and sharing, Ladies :) Sorry for the delayed response...

in adoration
I watched the growth of a man
that I did not like to keep my hands off of.
I did not like the way that we both confused touch with love.

We did it anyway.

Who am I to rob him,
although a victim he would not be.
I could not rob myself...
could not be a victim of "me"

Who am I?
a human being a being, human,

.a spirit bound by time
a beat with an occasional rhyme.

A thief in the night.
A stealer of hopes and dreams.
One who gives, readily,
although happiness it seems.

Do you remember?
Can I forget?
My cup, it runneth over...
My mouth: already whet.

And drinking...

The fountain of life.

(Ethics and Suppressed Desires)
Joined: 8/28/2005
Msg: 820
view profile
Child's Play
Posted: 5/22/2011 7:41:18 PM
there's this girl that i know
dug through all the glittery gold
to find the riverbed silt it had waited in
to be discovered
to be fashioned
into something fabulous
and she thought
if those molecules
could escape that fat guy's sweaty neck
or be relieved of that gawd awful 3 karat canary diamond
and just sit in that silt
they might remember what it was like
to just shine

hope you're well ladyfriend
Joined: 11/30/2010
Msg: 821
Child's Play
Posted: 5/28/2011 8:33:41 PM

Love it...thanx for stopping through Ms. Monster...please do come again, when you get a chance...

The writing bug is so random nowadays...and life on life's terms is wonderfully exhausting at this point :)

When I can bake up something tasty, I'll drop it in the cookie jar!
Joined: 8/28/2005
Msg: 822
view profile
Child's Play
Posted: 6/7/2011 5:19:54 PM

they gave me this little coin last night
and then i got your write
an aptly timed
bouquet of gratitude

when it flows, it flows. much love to you, my friend
Joined: 11/30/2010
Msg: 823
Child's Play
Posted: 6/9/2011 6:43:24 PM
Awww maaan that's awesome :) Congratulations!!
Joined: 11/30/2010
Msg: 824
Child's Play
Posted: 7/3/2011 7:54:17 AM
he spoke the words of my poems

the ones that he had never read

I was going to tell him that he was meant for me

but I watched him walk away instead

we have matching scars yanno,
and if you truly love someone you have to let them go.
Joined: 8/28/2005
Msg: 825
view profile
Child's Play
Posted: 7/9/2011 2:38:48 PM
all love
truly flows

release of the self
from the self
is the truest love

love thyself
to thine own self be true

Joined: 12/28/2009
Msg: 826
Life's Painting
Posted: 12/22/2011 1:52:46 AM
Life's Painting

Salty tears fall down like rain
drown out the sorrow erase the pain
understanding eyes pierce the night
invisible soul searching without sight

paint me a picture of innocent times
long before words had rhythms
a looking glass reflecting truth
with the brush stroke of genius and smiling youth

paint me a picture of how it feels
to kiss the other side of ‘real’
to love the person inside today
capture this moment that never fades

make it abstract with colors sublime
hide all the flaws with the passing of time
an eternal substance without a doubt
heaven on canvas spread all about

“Paint me a picture to get lost in
Paint one that leaves me always wanting more
Show me how to use pastels while painting hell
Paint ME - a house in a field with an Iron door”
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