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 xeot
Joined: 10/25/2007
Msg: 98
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Do you pursue?Page 2 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)

It would also explain why so many women are bitter. One man like this rampaging through the female population, will sully the path for 20 decent and men who come after him. Once again, it's men creating more problems for men.


I just wish women wouldn't fall for the obvious nonsense. Then the path wouldn't be ruined.
 xeot
Joined: 10/25/2007
Msg: 99
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Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/9/2008 3:42:52 PM

No woman could ever control a man with sex again, if men could get this simple idea through their head. As long as men continue to have sex be the overriding thing in their minds most of the time... They might as well just tack a sign on their head that says "use me." In the exact same way, if a woman is desperate for love and will do anything to get it... she might as well borrow the sign too.


For a man at least, to refuse to be controlled or be a controller is often to be alone in this society.



If someone isn't interested in you...how do you know?
THEY DO NOT RESPOND TO MESSAGES IN A TIMELY MANNER.


Everyone has a different idea of 'timely', 'too soon', and 'too late'.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 101
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Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/9/2008 3:50:58 PM
I think the idea of pursuing for either gender has all sort of different connotations.

I don't like the idea of being chased, I don't run.

What I do think works out best, rather than equal, mutual. Equal to me connotes 50/50 which means mentally keeping track. I don't like that, it's more like a barter IMO.

It's fine to express interest, and see if the other person reciprocates. That's what I call mutual. It's also fairly simple, you know if you're interested in someone or not. No mental gymanstics over that. Interest can build, wane or flat out end with a thud. As long as it's maintaining a fairly steady pace, then it would seem there'd be something to work with.

To me that just makes good ole common sense.
 xeot
Joined: 10/25/2007
Msg: 103
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Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/9/2008 10:42:16 PM

It is better to have loved and lost, than to be married to a psycho.

True, but doesn't change anything.

One could say the same for your gender.

lol. It's not the same. You know this.

Which may be at the crux of the issue. When you have a high level of enthusiasm, you will usually respond with sooner, rather than later.

Unless you're shy to some degree, where more enthusiasm = more nervousness, which causes the exact opposite condition. Yeah, yeah... any sign of shyness is a reason to reject the guy anyway... I know.
 ExplosiveSheep
Joined: 9/22/2007
Msg: 104
Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/10/2008 3:27:46 AM
Women are just as capable of persuing a man as vice versa, we'd all do a little better if maybe women didn't just expect men to be the ones chasing them down all the time.

Plus remember there's a level we're supposed to be hitting, looking interested but not too interested. Some guys will never call a woman and never be without some woman chasing after him, other guys will put themselves to the hazzard quickly and be deemed too over eager.

It's all a bunch of epic fail if you ask me, the more interested the better the person isn't standing outside of the object of their desire's window A.k.A "hiding in the bushes" with a nightvision camera and spray on deoderant stomping all over the person's rose bushes.
 matchlessm
Joined: 11/11/2007
Msg: 105
Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/11/2008 3:02:18 AM
alexistaylor,

Translation: I like guys to stick their necks out all the way, by telling me very clearly they're interested in me. And if they don't, I'll assume they're NOT interested and forget about them. I think more guys should do this, because it wears me out to have to interpret all sorts of little ambiguities in the behavior of the guys I communicate with.

Well, of course you'd like that! So would I, if the sexes were switched. You may find guys willing to submit themselves flat out to your thumbs-up or thumbs-down, so that you don't have to go to the trouble of interpreting the subtler signs of interest people often give at first to test the waters.

Where is it written that this process should be more difficult for me, as a man, so that it will be easier for you and other women? I don't see any justification for forcing me to run all the risk of rejection just to relieve you of it. It seems like you imagine you deserve special treatment just by virtue of your sex.

That's an idea from another time, when men were willing to go to greater lengths to win a fair lady because they were compensated with all sorts of privileges not available to them now.
 spartanis
Joined: 5/22/2004
Msg: 106
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Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/11/2008 6:35:52 AM
I do pursue not too much, but enough to show the keen interest signs. It is the women, who failed to read it, that makes me loose interest in them and move on.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 110
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Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/11/2008 3:19:08 PM
Wouldn't it be great if we could all just agree that we'd do our best to make things as easy as possible for the other person, whether we determine we're interested or not. Maybe even throw in some consideration for their feelings, that either way we can be respectful and even kind?

If someone comes on too strong, I tell them so and what they said that was a turn off. They can appreciate it or get pouty, that's on them.

We only have control over our own behavior, so if we can conduct ourselves in dealing with others in a manner that we still retain our self respect and allows them to retain theirs, then IMO that's accomplishing a lot.

"anything, I get way more excited about a guy when he gives me something to work with, like expressed interest." I agree with that, expressed interest is enough, then it's up to me to respond one way or the other. That's as much "pursuit" as I prefer.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 112
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Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/11/2008 4:45:56 PM

peopel need to resort to some other lame excuse now..the "age factor" is getting annoying now..time for a change!


People continue to make mistakes, no matter how young/old they are. With experience (not necessarily AGE....) and more importantly, self introspectiion, people don't make the same mistake again.

A more experienced (mature...I'll go out on that limb) versus a less experienced (less mature...experience - wise) will make not necessarily less mistakes, but mistakes that have fewer repercussions.

The "age factor" isn't an excuse, it IS a factor. How much or how little, depends on the relationship (not necessarily a romantic one) and how the two people involved perceive it and incorporate that into their relationship. It doesn't have to be a barrier, but it can be. Learn to accept that, and increase the chances for success in having relationships with people of all ages. Maybe not the ones or the type you want.

Lindsey Lohan.... ahh...great example, grasshopper. You have much to learn.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 113
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Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/11/2008 5:27:32 PM
I have fun, at 51...kids older and younger than you are.

Not gonna argue with you...my kids wouldn't either.

Their friends, who you'll never meet...well it's moot. You wouldn't believe me if I even told you the stories. I do go out with them every weekend...my kids/their friends.

Take my word...or not. They have lots of laughs, we all have lots of laughs...and the things my kids friends SAY about me....we talked about making money off the T-shirts. I may do it, yet...or they will. I guarantee it won't be...God your Mom's hot...pfft...we've laid that pup to rest. BORING!
 matchlessm
Joined: 11/11/2007
Msg: 117
Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/11/2008 8:50:45 PM
alexistaylor,
I notice you fell back on a ruse (and a term) apparently popular among women on this site: Dismiss any objection by a man as "whining." Slapping a pejorative label on my objection is a poor substitute for a reasoned response to it. But that's what some people do when they don't like what someone says, yet can't rebut it.

In fact, you admit my point. You say guys tell you when the clearly express their interest to women, the women run off. You say you can't understand why they do that, because you tend to have just the opposite reaction. But so what, if MOST women don't react as you do?

First you say that if you like a man you're talking to, you tell him. After all, you can't expect the guy to take subtle hints. But then you say you won't tend to like him much--at least not enough to stick around long--unless and until he expresses interest in you. But the guy can no more magically figure you out with his mind-reading powers than you can him. He can only judge by his experience, which tells him you may well reject him if he does this before he knows how you feel about him. So you tell the man you're talking to that you like him--seemingly so bold and forthright of you--only after he's made clear he won't reject you for saying so.

I repeat: You expect the man to run all the risk of rejection up front so that you don't have to. I've done it often enough before, and I'm hardly afraid of it. But that doesn't mean I have to like the fact many (if not most) women cavalierly assume that just because I'm a man, I should just accept this unequal situation and shut up about it. Where, exactly, do women run a risk I don't, that compensates for this? Knowing that the very people I'm supposed to feel kindly about are so ready to accept preferential treatment at my expense doesn't strengthen my faith in their sense of fair play.
 ExplosiveSheep
Joined: 9/22/2007
Msg: 119
Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/12/2008 3:53:32 AM
I'm just gonna jump in and say I agree with Seaga when he says that being young isn't an excuse.

They say you look for the most important aspects of your personality in your partner, the 1 thing I value most about myself is that when I was told "sticking your finger in the light socket is going to hurt" I weighed the evidence and I avoided the situation. Most people around my age and younger basically jammed their fingers, toes, tongue and any other object they could find in there repeatedly and then tried to blame age as being a deciding factor in why they did it. Or applied it as an excuse as if being young automatically makes you stupid and/or unable to handle information without first hand experience.

I don't drink heavily, I don't avoid drinking but I never drink to excess if I can help it and so far I've got a pretty spotless track record on that, some people would say "that's just stupid you gotta do it at least once there's no downside to being drunk you'll have fun." They madet he argument about weed, now they're trying to make the argument about mushrooms. 1 guy tried to go to sleep on some guy's dirt driveway once when he got drunk and stoned (nothing bad could ever happen) another guy crashed his truck and lost his drivers license (nothing bad could ever happen) 1 girl I know tried to blame 3 separate times she cheated on her boyfriend on being drunk/stoned, (f*cking idiot).

Yes we can make mistakes, but can you imagine how stupid it looks from my stand point when I'm watching the same people make the same mistakes for literally 5-10 years +? That's not learning from your mistakes, that's accepting a f*cked up version of reality because it diminishes your responsibility for your own actions.

Before you say "i was young and stupid" just remember, half that sh*t you're blaming on age/wisdom, I never did (don't blame jesus I ain't religious) so maybe you're not young and stupid, just stupid.
 namebob5
Joined: 6/8/2008
Msg: 120
Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/12/2008 4:23:44 AM
I don't pursue because its groveling. I'm sorry but the all mighty uterus can have the balls to communicate equally back to me. If they don't they can enjoy wandering waiting for men to chase them and then wonder why they are single.
 CaliSoldier
Joined: 6/2/2008
Msg: 124
Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/12/2008 11:26:12 AM
"Just because you are waiting for signs from a man, does not mean you are wandering around, waiting for men to chase you." Yes it does mean that!!!

"It just means they are not desperate enough to waste time and energy throwing themselves at someone with no respect for their time or feelings." Isnt that exactly what youre asking men to do? Obviously you want them to do this! After all, if y ouhave time to post this forum, and bash any guy who doesn't tell you what you want to hear, then you have time to approch men, no?
 namebob5
Joined: 6/8/2008
Msg: 125
Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/12/2008 3:03:04 PM
This coming from the guy who admits to not having a date in years. Tell me do you ever wonder why you are single?

I have never wondered why I am single, there hasn't been a thought of something of error in myself that has kept me single. It has been a choice thus far, I just don't make everything with unicorns and butterflies. I like to be precise and to the point, emotion becomes irrelevant in discussion.
 namebob5
Joined: 6/8/2008
Msg: 126
Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/12/2008 3:11:40 PM
"Just because you are looking to signs from a man, does not mean you are wandering around, waiting for men to chase you. It means they are not desperate enough to waste time and energy throwing themselves at someone with no respect for their time or their feelings.

Also note, you said "communicate back."

If you are not communicating to begin with, what exactly is there to communicate back to?

So, ummm, how is that working for you thus far Skippy? Not too well? Time to reassess that strategy? Ya think?

I know it is hard to believe, but many women have careers and interests. A life of their own, just like men. Strange but true."

--So you have acknowledged that a man chasing a women is a waste of time, but you demand a response from them in the first 24-48 hours. I believe thats a bit of hypocrisy, in fact you should email wiki to give a link to your reply so people can understand what it means.

What is the issue of a woman communicating as much as the male? Why can't they "pursue" as much as a man does? Women demand fare wages but men still have to chase and pursue women that want the same things they do.

And the fact I haven't had a date, you all assume I have been trying to get a piece of tall for the last couple years when in fact, I haven't. Nice assumption tho, it was a pathetic attempt to derail the subject matter when you failed.
 spartanis
Joined: 5/22/2004
Msg: 128
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Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/15/2008 5:38:43 AM

If I meet a women from online and she likes me then I will call her up for a date or drinks, if she "has plans" and can't commit I never call back. I have to assume that they are not interested if they cannot make a commitment to a date, even if it's next week.


Well said!
 SweetnSassyNatureLover
Joined: 4/11/2008
Msg: 139
Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/16/2008 11:05:25 PM
Luke just read your profile - no wonder I enjoy your posts, your hilarious and too bad your so young and far away!!! Seriously tho, I do get alot of what you say, thanks for the humourous and valid points.
 whatif714
Joined: 7/13/2006
Msg: 140
Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/17/2008 2:14:52 AM
The words "chase" and "pursue" have such a negative tone. I feel that if either of those things are occuring than it's likely not a match made in heaven.

My greatest experiences have begun with no real thought to who was calling whom or who suggested spending time together, it just happened naturally because it was what we both wanted. I remember comments and laughs about not remembering any decisions, invitations, etc as it seemed to happen without much effort.

I do remember the week after I met my first serious boyfriend right before college, I couldn't believe he hadn't called I had been that sure our connection was mutual. After a week I began to lose hope, boy was I surprised when he called middle of the 2nd week to ask me out for that weekend, after that we were together 7 years. Eventually he told me the reason he waited so long - he had no money and couldn't afford to take me out until after payday. I guess that probably wouldn't be the case at this stage but its a good reminder that we just never know what could have come up or taken priority. If someone calls me regardless of how long its been I would at least listen. What do I have to lose and potentially something to gain.
 CaliSoldier
Joined: 6/2/2008
Msg: 142
Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/17/2008 12:42:22 PM
I find it humorous that anyone above the age of 14 is actually playing the " yo uhave to pursue me" game. no thanks!
 CaliSoldier
Joined: 6/2/2008
Msg: 146
Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/19/2008 2:13:27 PM
[Men have and always will pursue women and that is the inherent natural law that exists between the sexes.]
it has nothing to do with nature, we simply make the choice to do so, or not.
 koteach
Joined: 3/17/2008
Msg: 147
Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/19/2008 3:15:50 PM

How enthusiastic a man is about meeting you, spending time with you, chatting with you, is pretty much the only indicator a female has when it comes to figuring out if a man is genuinely interested. A man who is serious about you, nothing will stand in front of that.


Good point, mominatrix, on a man's enthusiasm for connection as essentially the only indicator a woman has about where's it's all heading.

Ladies and gentlemen, be advised: the ego is delicate and fragile. For example, if two people have been enthusiastically communicating daily and perhaps on a deeper level, and all of a sudden a couple of days go by with no word whatsoever from one, the person anticipating a response wonders what went wrong and ends up feeling a bit rejected because one of the pursuers has dropped the ball. Causing feelings of rejection may not be the intent, but that is what results from it. Am I alone on this? I doubt it. If you're going to pursue, don't do a half-hearted job; see it through or kindly end it with some grace and dignity. It's easy to start something, but how you finish reveals much of your character.

PS I have on one occasion been guilty of dropping the ball myself, and I am sorry for it.
 borntoski683
Joined: 4/28/2008
Msg: 149
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Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/19/2008 6:28:30 PM
Women want to be pursued, that is all there is to it.

Its been a long time since I have met an american woman worth pursuing. but if and when I do find one I will definitely pursue.
 CaliSoldier
Joined: 6/2/2008
Msg: 151
Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/27/2008 3:23:52 PM
[How enthusiastic a man is about meeting you, spending time with you, chatting with you, is pretty much the only indicator a female has when it comes to figuring out if a man is genuinely interested. A man who is serious about you, nothing will stand in front of that. ]
LOL dont we have other forums about "stalkers"?
 bluzchk
Joined: 6/15/2008
Msg: 153
Do you pursue?
Posted: 7/21/2008 11:40:30 AM
desertbulldog....right on......

I think YOU should teach the class....

42 and HATE the games...haven't been played, just have met a lot of people who changes the rules mid game...

Just want to be able to call up my current interest and say "hey, I enjoy spending time with you....let's go to a movie...let's go to a concert...just called to say hi..." without him thinking me needy or desperate...wanting to spend time with someone I like makes me neither needy or desperate..the three day rule is stupid and childish..if you like me, tell me...if I like you...I should be able to tell you...

Why is it my five year old students get this but wiser and supposedly more intelligent adults don't?
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