Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  >      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 drivingharmony2
Joined: 6/23/2013
Msg: 154
sexless marriagePage 4 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

Big mistake on their part as it was a $50,000 wedding down the drain.


^^^That bites, big time! Just think how much $50,000 could be used to spice up a sexless relationship: lots of candles, good music, good food, hotel stays, scented oils for massages, a good tantric sex chair, lingerie, sex toys, the possibilities are endless....or were... :)
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 155
sexless marriage
Posted: 3/9/2014 9:04:21 PM

I'm with you OP. The sexual relationship is what differentiates lovers from just friends. Pardon my bluntness, but I think looking to excuse this selfish act is nothing more than a bunch of psychobabble designed to blame the victim. If people don't want a sexual relationship...then STAY SINGLE....PERIOD.

I had this argument the other night....AGAIN...with my ex. We've been divorced for 12 years, we're still friends...but he wants all the benefits of being married for himself, but still telling me that I'm a pig for expecting to have sex in a relationship.

Withholding sex, particularly in a MARRIAGE is nothing short of emotional abuse, manipulation and selfishness. It's like saying that their needs are important....but yours are PETTY. It's saying that they are allowed to have needs....but that YOU are not.

I don't care how long a list of justifications anyone comes up with; NORMAL human beings have sexual desires....and I might add, that those sexual desires, unlike in the rest of the animal kingdom, continue beyond the point of reproduction possiblilties. HELLO PEOPLE!!!! There must be SOME reason for that!

I just had to quote this again. Nice to see someone explain it the way I would see it. Bravo.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 156
sexless marriage
Posted: 3/10/2014 7:20:04 AM

I think that they were content as they were, but family & social pressure is what pushed them to make it official. Big mistake on their family's part as it was a $50,000 wedding down the drain.


This adds validity to the statement: "If it ain't broke, don't fix it". Unfortunately, too many people get married just to please other people instead of doing it to please themselves. The old mind thinking that living together and/or having sex without marriage is a sin and is dirty and wrong is very prevalent because it is what people are taught and force fed from day one. The custom of a woman wearing a white dress at her wedding is a white dress is suppose to represent virginity and purity. Plus people get peed off if they feel they are missing out on a free meal and a free night of partying because of a couple who aren't planning to tie the knot.
 Archiver
Joined: 3/10/2013
Msg: 157
sexless marriage
Posted: 3/10/2014 12:39:25 PM

If a woman truly loved you she would still have sex with you regardless of whether she wanted it or not.
My ex wife was like that she would watch TV while I did my business.


Oh man, that's sad. It sounds like you viewed her as a receptacle, like a toilet, and she viewed you equally coldly. Didn't the two of you ever try to please each other?

It sounds like there was a major lack of foreplay, other-than-PIV sex, communication, experimentation, affection and love. If the two of you actually loved each other, you would both have been present, physically and emotionally, during the various forms and stages of lovemaking. I hope you and your next partner will be more in love and better lovers.
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 158
view profile
History
sexless marriage
Posted: 3/10/2014 2:06:50 PM

^^^Why would you want to have sex with a woman that didn't really want it & wouldn't be enjoying it??


Exactly. A better question is, why is she with a man that she's not attracted to? It sounds like she isn't into him and they both failed to communicate their concerns to each other.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 159
sexless marriage
Posted: 3/10/2014 3:01:25 PM
A better question is, why is she with a man that she's not attracted to?


A good question to ask Hugh Hefner's wife, the Playboy centerfold who is 60 years younger than him. Or when Anna Nicole Smith was with the billionaire in his 80's who was half way in the grave when they met and married.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 160
sexless marriage
Posted: 3/10/2014 3:28:06 PM
loveprof75- When people first get married, they are romantic, very sexual and do things to make the other person feel special.
It's keeping this interest in your spouse that is the key to preventing your spouse from checking out.
For women, sex starts long before the bedroom, just saying.
 drivingharmony2
Joined: 6/23/2013
Msg: 161
sexless marriage
Posted: 3/10/2014 6:05:54 PM

A better question is, why is she with a man that she's not attracted to? It sounds like she isn't into him and they both failed to communicate their concerns to each other.


No doubt about it. I would expect many divorces have a communication issues component. Mine did.
I imagine most people would agree, a sexless marriage or sexless relationship is not a good thing.


If vaginal sex is really off the menu then there are plenty of other ways to have sex.


It doesn't sound like there were many items on the menu. Hopefully, the ex-wife was able to watch something entertaining because that's the least he could do for her.....If vaginal sex is off the menu, I'm sure Pamela HANDerson or Rosie PALMer wouldn't mind filling in. Rest assured, you can always count on these two.


It sounds like there was a major lack of foreplay


Yeah, I bet the commercials weren't that good either.....


You left out handcuffs & blindfolds...just saying...:D


LOLOLOLOL and the furry heart shaped spanker.... maybe even a long strand of pearls.... :P
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 162
sexless marriage
Posted: 3/12/2014 9:54:27 AM

maleness I hope you meet reality soon. Most 20 somethings don't want someone with a 60 yr age gap unless they are filthy rich. However, maybe you can hold out for that fantasy


It's a 39 year age gap for that poster. 59-20. A 60 year age gap would be an 80 year old with a 20 year old. At least that kind of relationship won't last that long, at most 20 years.

Reality is it's easy enough find a 30-40 year age gap in a foreign country and you don't need to be rich. I just wasn't interested in a serious relationship with someone so much younger.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 163
sexless marriage
Posted: 3/12/2014 2:15:24 PM

Nope. She'd be waiting on him to drop off so she could claim all his money.
I trust she wasn't it for his wrinkled balls & drool :0


It's a fair trade off, he gets a golden retirement with a young women, she gets a better life for her and her family.

But all men's scrotum's are wrinkled, haven't you noticed? Though I have read george clooney has had his balls ironed.



Just have enough to pay for that mail order bride and support


With that large an age difference it would be better to stay in the country she was born in. And it's far cheaper way to live when money is a concern.
 _outdoorsgal_
Joined: 2/23/2014
Msg: 164
sexless marriage
Posted: 3/12/2014 4:07:39 PM
{but all men's scrotum's are wrinkled}
I think "shriveled" is what she meant.

Hahaha, this made me laugh and cringe at the same time :0
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 165
view profile
History
sexless marriage
Posted: 3/12/2014 5:24:06 PM

It's keeping this interest in your spouse that is the key to preventing your spouse from checking out.
For women, sex starts long before the bedroom, just saying.


That's true that a lot of women need to be complimented, kissed, carassed, touched, etc for a while prior to intercourse. All men need is to see you naked. Why is the man to blame if he can't get an erection? They call him an impotent loser and it's never the woman's fault. If a woman doesn't get wet, it's the man's fault. For a man to make love, all he needs is you. Maybe men are the ones that take their relationship seriously. Just saying. :)
 drivingharmony2
Joined: 6/23/2013
Msg: 166
sexless marriage
Posted: 3/12/2014 6:05:44 PM

If a woman doesn't get wet, it's the man's fault.


Ahhhhh CW, I'm surprised with such a blanket statement coming from you. ;)
I disagree. A lot has to do with hormones.....and with a little lubrication, issue resolved. Lube is everyone's friend.


For a man to make love, all he needs is you.


I disagree. I'll concede to....for some men, all they need to have sex is a naked body. Making love is completing different IMO. If there is a sexless marriage, clearly a naked body isn't working either.....IMO, if married peeps took care of each other's needs outside the bedroom first, activities in the bedroom would probably work out.
 TuMuchFun
Joined: 9/29/2008
Msg: 167
view profile
History
sexless marriage
Posted: 3/12/2014 7:37:09 PM
Coconut Oil, it's not just for cooking.
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 168
view profile
History
sexless marriage
Posted: 3/14/2014 2:10:58 AM

Satan is already 'winning' when two engage sexually outside of a marriage so he has nothing to destroy that is indicative of a Godly union. After marriage it becomes a different ballgame and these powers start to play with a new agenda.


I don't think you need mytholigcal beings to explain the situation. The couple aren't in love and they're not compatible. They're just staying together because or kids, money, security, whatever. It happens all the time. People should walk away but they don't. People stay too long in jobs and friendships that aren't healthy too.
 kathy1008
Joined: 11/16/2013
Msg: 169
sexless marriage
Posted: 3/14/2014 4:21:55 AM
laughing my patootie off at coconut oil
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 170
view profile
History
sexless marriage
Posted: 3/25/2014 9:32:52 PM
The only one who can answer why they lost interest in sex is the person themselves.

I was in a sexless marriage to a man who pulled a switcheroo. He was affectionate, attentive, and a good lover before we got married. Almost as soon as we got married he became controlling, self-centered, quit being affectionate, quit caring about my needs in or out of the bedroom, then when I lost interest, he convinced me that I was the one with a problem. I tried counseling. He'd go but was never engaged in it. I felt very alone and finally left after 18 years of marriage. I've had the best sex of my life ever since then and it just keeps getting better. I haven't found a steady partner but at least I'm not stuck with a man who doesn't really care about me.

Over the years, a lot of men and women both have told me they are in sexless relationships. It's what leads a lot of people to seek extramarital affairs. I would no longer put up with such a situation. I'd have to tell them to either take care of my needs, cut loose of me, or else accept that I'm going outside the relationship. It is ridiculous to not be attentive to your partner and expect them to be faithful.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 171
sexless marriage
Posted: 3/26/2014 8:11:50 PM

I would no longer put up with such a situation. I'd have to tell them to either take care of my needs, cut loose of me, or else accept that I'm going outside the relationship. It is ridiculous to not be attentive to your partner and expect them to be faithful.

Amen. I'll go further and say I'll become exclusive and involved only when that stipulation is understood.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 172
view profile
History
sexless marriage
Posted: 3/26/2014 8:34:38 PM

Anyway, let's call these powers God and Satan, and just for a while let's accept where the Bible says Satan is the god of this world as fact.


Let's not.

Far too many people will marry someone because it's better than being the one not married. There's a lot to be said for having a warm body and some security and not having to do everything alone, in fact there's a lot to be said for having someone there to blame instead of being the only one responsible. A whole lot of people would rather be unhappy or bored or miserable, than be alone. Some of them stay with one person, some of them are serial daters/spouses. Then of course there are the drama need-ers who seek bad relationships to get attention and express their dislike for about pretty much everything.

Those who married for whatever worked well for the two of them, thus compatible, aren't likely to end up in the same marriage they started off in. People age, they change but more importantly, their bodies change. You don't have a lot of control over what your hormones do to you, not just your body but also your brain. Sometimes a partner loses the desire for sex not because they wanted to but because it happened to them, and that happens to males just as much as females. It's easy for resentments to build up, no two people are ever going to be *perfect* for each other forever, and it's going to depend on how they handle this stuff when it comes along.

A sexless marriage can happen to anyone, best to try to work it out but if it's a no go, then you are going to have to make that choice of staying or going. One thing that true in most sexless marriage/relationships, is the one who doesn't want sex is most likely to be the one that rules when and or if there's going to be any sex. The one wanting sex is going to lose to the other because most people are not going to force an unwilling partner. And so many people take it personally, they blame themselves, they think they did something wrong or look bad or whatever, it's very easy to lose your self-esteem when your partner is rejecting you.
 professora
Joined: 7/28/2008
Msg: 174
view profile
History
sexless marriage
Posted: 6/2/2014 7:55:03 PM
daynadaze --
Interesting what you write. I have two friendgirl's who do not have sex with husbands--for years. One man drinks way too much ( starts at 5 am till he passes out) and the other man has difficulty completing tasks, keeping good hygiene etc.

The partners can't feel warm n fuzzy--they tell me-- with these challenges.
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 175
sexless marriage
Posted: 6/2/2014 9:14:28 PM
^^^^^^^^^^^^
Do your girlfriend's work?

Are the hubby's bringing home the bacon and providing high speed internet and making the mortgage?

Met a gal on first date that told me she was married to a 'provider' that no longer wanted $ex. She worked a low paying job.

She told me every woman has her needs...

No sweety, put on your mom panties and get the fvck out of that marriage.

Oh, that's right, you can't afford to.

Don't see the point of being the wind beneath somebody's wings while they weather that storm.

Nuff said
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 176
sexless marriage
Posted: 6/3/2014 3:22:11 AM
sometimes, the "wind beneath the wings" is just a bird's fart. Some people have low expectations, either b/c they grew up in a situation that fosters such, sometimes they truly don't know there's better, and sometimes they're just intellectually lazy--at times,they'll confess they know what they're doing is going to bite them in the butt.

wasted potential is sad.
 ace41s
Joined: 2/19/2014
Msg: 178
sexless marriage
Posted: 7/27/2014 8:21:47 AM
How's a sexless marriage any different than just 2 roommates living together?...

...and if a marriage was sexless, then why would both parties likely get angry if 1 or the other was having sex with someone else?

Some of these traditional relationship dynamics really just don't make much sense when you think about it
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 179
view profile
History
sexless marriage
Posted: 7/27/2014 7:44:11 PM
One of the things I look for in a partner is a willingness to communicate. Without that, the chances of maintaining a good relationship are not very good.


there's a lot to be said for having someone there to blame instead of being the only one responsible.


Never quite saw it that way. That was beautiful. ;-)
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  >