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 drivingharmony2
Joined: 6/23/2013
Msg: 166
sexless marriagePage 8 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

If a woman doesn't get wet, it's the man's fault.


Ahhhhh CW, I'm surprised with such a blanket statement coming from you. ;)
I disagree. A lot has to do with hormones.....and with a little lubrication, issue resolved. Lube is everyone's friend.


For a man to make love, all he needs is you.


I disagree. I'll concede to....for some men, all they need to have sex is a naked body. Making love is completing different IMO. If there is a sexless marriage, clearly a naked body isn't working either.....IMO, if married peeps took care of each other's needs outside the bedroom first, activities in the bedroom would probably work out.
 TuMuchFun
Joined: 9/29/2008
Msg: 167
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History
sexless marriage
Posted: 3/12/2014 7:37:09 PM
Coconut Oil, it's not just for cooking.
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 168
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History
sexless marriage
Posted: 3/14/2014 2:10:58 AM

Satan is already 'winning' when two engage sexually outside of a marriage so he has nothing to destroy that is indicative of a Godly union. After marriage it becomes a different ballgame and these powers start to play with a new agenda.


I don't think you need mytholigcal beings to explain the situation. The couple aren't in love and they're not compatible. They're just staying together because or kids, money, security, whatever. It happens all the time. People should walk away but they don't. People stay too long in jobs and friendships that aren't healthy too.
 kathy1008
Joined: 11/16/2013
Msg: 169
sexless marriage
Posted: 3/14/2014 4:21:55 AM
laughing my patootie off at coconut oil
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 170
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History
sexless marriage
Posted: 3/25/2014 9:32:52 PM
The only one who can answer why they lost interest in sex is the person themselves.

I was in a sexless marriage to a man who pulled a switcheroo. He was affectionate, attentive, and a good lover before we got married. Almost as soon as we got married he became controlling, self-centered, quit being affectionate, quit caring about my needs in or out of the bedroom, then when I lost interest, he convinced me that I was the one with a problem. I tried counseling. He'd go but was never engaged in it. I felt very alone and finally left after 18 years of marriage. I've had the best sex of my life ever since then and it just keeps getting better. I haven't found a steady partner but at least I'm not stuck with a man who doesn't really care about me.

Over the years, a lot of men and women both have told me they are in sexless relationships. It's what leads a lot of people to seek extramarital affairs. I would no longer put up with such a situation. I'd have to tell them to either take care of my needs, cut loose of me, or else accept that I'm going outside the relationship. It is ridiculous to not be attentive to your partner and expect them to be faithful.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 171
sexless marriage
Posted: 3/26/2014 8:11:50 PM

I would no longer put up with such a situation. I'd have to tell them to either take care of my needs, cut loose of me, or else accept that I'm going outside the relationship. It is ridiculous to not be attentive to your partner and expect them to be faithful.

Amen. I'll go further and say I'll become exclusive and involved only when that stipulation is understood.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 172
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sexless marriage
Posted: 3/26/2014 8:34:38 PM

Anyway, let's call these powers God and Satan, and just for a while let's accept where the Bible says Satan is the god of this world as fact.


Let's not.

Far too many people will marry someone because it's better than being the one not married. There's a lot to be said for having a warm body and some security and not having to do everything alone, in fact there's a lot to be said for having someone there to blame instead of being the only one responsible. A whole lot of people would rather be unhappy or bored or miserable, than be alone. Some of them stay with one person, some of them are serial daters/spouses. Then of course there are the drama need-ers who seek bad relationships to get attention and express their dislike for about pretty much everything.

Those who married for whatever worked well for the two of them, thus compatible, aren't likely to end up in the same marriage they started off in. People age, they change but more importantly, their bodies change. You don't have a lot of control over what your hormones do to you, not just your body but also your brain. Sometimes a partner loses the desire for sex not because they wanted to but because it happened to them, and that happens to males just as much as females. It's easy for resentments to build up, no two people are ever going to be *perfect* for each other forever, and it's going to depend on how they handle this stuff when it comes along.

A sexless marriage can happen to anyone, best to try to work it out but if it's a no go, then you are going to have to make that choice of staying or going. One thing that true in most sexless marriage/relationships, is the one who doesn't want sex is most likely to be the one that rules when and or if there's going to be any sex. The one wanting sex is going to lose to the other because most people are not going to force an unwilling partner. And so many people take it personally, they blame themselves, they think they did something wrong or look bad or whatever, it's very easy to lose your self-esteem when your partner is rejecting you.
 professora
Joined: 7/28/2008
Msg: 174
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sexless marriage
Posted: 6/2/2014 7:55:03 PM
daynadaze --
Interesting what you write. I have two friendgirl's who do not have sex with husbands--for years. One man drinks way too much ( starts at 5 am till he passes out) and the other man has difficulty completing tasks, keeping good hygiene etc.

The partners can't feel warm n fuzzy--they tell me-- with these challenges.
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 175
sexless marriage
Posted: 6/2/2014 9:14:28 PM
^^^^^^^^^^^^
Do your girlfriend's work?

Are the hubby's bringing home the bacon and providing high speed internet and making the mortgage?

Met a gal on first date that told me she was married to a 'provider' that no longer wanted $ex. She worked a low paying job.

She told me every woman has her needs...

No sweety, put on your mom panties and get the fvck out of that marriage.

Oh, that's right, you can't afford to.

Don't see the point of being the wind beneath somebody's wings while they weather that storm.

Nuff said
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 176
sexless marriage
Posted: 6/3/2014 3:22:11 AM
sometimes, the "wind beneath the wings" is just a bird's fart. Some people have low expectations, either b/c they grew up in a situation that fosters such, sometimes they truly don't know there's better, and sometimes they're just intellectually lazy--at times,they'll confess they know what they're doing is going to bite them in the butt.

wasted potential is sad.
 ace41s
Joined: 2/19/2014
Msg: 178
sexless marriage
Posted: 7/27/2014 8:21:47 AM
How's a sexless marriage any different than just 2 roommates living together?...

...and if a marriage was sexless, then why would both parties likely get angry if 1 or the other was having sex with someone else?

Some of these traditional relationship dynamics really just don't make much sense when you think about it
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 179
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History
sexless marriage
Posted: 7/27/2014 7:44:11 PM
One of the things I look for in a partner is a willingness to communicate. Without that, the chances of maintaining a good relationship are not very good.


there's a lot to be said for having someone there to blame instead of being the only one responsible.


Never quite saw it that way. That was beautiful. ;-)
 hemingway114
Joined: 6/16/2014
Msg: 180
sexless marriage
Posted: 7/27/2014 11:56:41 PM
Show me a woman who does not want to have sex with her husband and I'll show you a wife who has fallen out of love.
 sddude
Joined: 12/9/2007
Msg: 181
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sexless marriage
Posted: 7/29/2014 10:11:40 AM
Sexless does not mean loveless. It can be boredome or too tired or too much of a nonotonous life from one or both people, as i see it, since I work with a large group of men that constantaly move in and out of my work place, I see the same complaint that their women are not putting out either after they are married or after they have kids, every now and then one married guy will anounce he got lucky last night or the morning and we would give him a high 5.
It seems if guys do not do the work , yes work hahaha, to make his parner feel loved and interested nothing will happen, just like in dating men have to do the work to get the girls heart or "kitty" nothing will happen. Like in a bar and club scene, guys usually do the approaching and the work and in marriage it kind of stays the same, if the work is not doen then she will feel like an abandoned flower dreaming about what happened to her man's effort, Gotta do work to get the prize if both are heathly down there.
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 182
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History
sexless marriage
Posted: 7/31/2014 8:28:29 PM
I know the drill of a sexless marriage. Her idea of perfect sex was that I was supposed to be eternally "warm for her form", but when that form grows to a point that she weighed more than me, that sort of went out the window. I know she felt unattractive, and clearly demonstrated that. Problem was, the harder I tried, the worse she got. It got to be a contest, how yucky could she look and I was supposed to accept it- and be turned on with the memory of what she used to look like. After a while, I just gave up.
 easterparadehat
Joined: 4/14/2014
Msg: 183
sexless marriage
Posted: 7/31/2014 9:43:33 PM
This whole thread dispels the theory that you have to "try someone out" before marriage. There is absolutely no guarantee just because you screwed endlessly before marriage that once it becomes official that it will continue.
 NoBuddies_Fool
Joined: 6/10/2014
Msg: 184
sexless marriage
Posted: 8/1/2014 7:28:28 AM

Show me a woman who does not want to have sex with her husband and I'll show you a wife who has fallen out of love

I have to agree with this.
In my first marriage because of how I was treated and I was too stupid to leave before I did....I would literally cringe at his touch....could care less.
With my next husband...there may have been dry spells due to scheduling....but the desire/love never went away.
We never parted without a kiss, a touch and we both knew we needed to make time for each other.

People have to realize "sex" doesn't just happen in bedroom. You need to be considerate/respectful of each other.
I never made a decision without "him" in mind. It made me happy to make him happy.
I would never go to work and complain about our sex life.....never spoke of intimate details with even my closest friends.
How tacky!!
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 185
sexless marriage
Posted: 8/1/2014 10:01:31 AM

This whole thread dispels the theory that you have to "try someone out" before marriage. There is absolutely no guarantee just because you screwed endlessly before marriage that once it becomes official that it will continue.

No, but if the sex is good before the marriage (or agreement to commit for those who don't want to get married) at least there's something there to lose eventually - if it's not good beforehand there's no doubt it will suck going forward. No thanks.
 easterparadehat
Joined: 4/14/2014
Msg: 186
sexless marriage
Posted: 8/2/2014 11:37:55 AM
I've always lived in reality. You have to like what is in-between the cranium 1000% more than what is in-between the legs because most of your time with someone will be out of the sheets in the real world. If sexual compatability was the most important thing in a relationship I'd still be with an ex. Giving out sex like candy as a reward or being test driven by a whole slew of men will never make any one of the men fall in love with you. I think that is the biggest fallacy out there.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 187
sexless marriage
Posted: 8/2/2014 11:43:39 AM

^^^I've always lived in reality.


Now, that's funny. lol
 hemingway114
Joined: 6/16/2014
Msg: 189
sexless marriage
Posted: 8/2/2014 1:21:44 PM
I also echo what some of the women have said above:

Things have to be right outside the bedroom before they are right inside the bedroom.

And no, road tests are not necessary - if two people have the hots for each other, and everything else is just right, sexual problems are rare.
 wanted555
Joined: 2/18/2011
Msg: 190
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History
sexless marriage
Posted: 8/7/2014 3:06:48 AM
I say sometimes people get married cos they just want the company of building some kind of shared life / I do see some couples who r together but no sex !! I truly do and one time she was my friends mother told me ; she said she gets hot sometimes but never gets a response / she said its disappointing but then she just put more of her life into her children so there is no real answer / maybe just go get a massage .... get it ?
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