Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  >      Home login  
Joined: 9/26/2007
Msg: 73
Your Pet or YourRelationship?Page 2 of 35    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35)
I can't imagine giving up my cat. It would be crushing. Maybe to a family member nearby. That's all I could do and it would still be sad.
Joined: 8/7/2007
Msg: 76
Your Pet or YourRelationship?
Posted: 6/12/2008 4:53:44 AM
As one who is horribly allergic to cats, I don't even contact a man who states in his profile that has one. There is no way I would ever come between a pet owner and his pet, so I just don't start something that can't be.
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 77
Your Pet or YourRelationship?
Posted: 6/12/2008 5:02:09 AM

In my book, there's no comparison between people and animals. People come first. So I'd find a good home for my pet if my gal couldn't live comfortably with it. I would do it gladly and without resentment, and I wouldn't wait to be asked because some people will never ask.

Why don't you just find your pet a good home now? I mean you're going to meet someone who may not ask and you're all set to do in anticipation why not assume for the sake of the relationship that you'll have in the future clear your house of pets? That way it's one less thing to worry about when the time comes. Why draw the line elsewhere?

If you have a pet now it does NOT come before someone you haven't met yet. If this is your attitude - WHY have one? I never got this. If you'd send a pet off for someone new you're dating - why on earth have one to begin with? Don't traumatize some animal that was minding their own business with your personal issues. Pets should not lose a home because you're dating. If they can, they shouldn't even be there.

In my experience, you gain things from being in a relationship, and you lose things. This is a sacrifice I'd make out of love and concern for my gal's well being and my respect for our relationship.

Unfortunately, seeing pets as "things" is a problem. And I guess that the sacrifice of trust that the pet places in you doesn't matter at all huh? I guess since they can't talk, you can't hear that you're messing their lives up to make things convenient, so you don't have to feel bad.

A pet is like a child in that it's a lifelong commitment that you should see thru till the end. If you cannot promise to take care of them for life, PLEASE don't adopt them in the first place. It's a waste of everyone's time, especially that pet.

Anyone that would get rid of a pet for an SO has issues, and anyone who would ask an SO to do so has issues as well. Can't people who don't like/can't be around pets just date each other?
Joined: 8/21/2004
Msg: 79
view profile
Your Pet or YourRelationship?
Posted: 6/12/2008 6:05:36 AM
She GAVE UP Her Cat?? for a ' b o y f r i e n d ' ?!? H*ll no i woulnd't give up my Pet(s) for a guy, and i Would NOT expect Him to........ so sad.... i wish her well, (tell her to get Her Cat Back...)
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 80
Your Pet or YourRelationship?
Posted: 6/12/2008 6:18:38 AM

People are very much like the pets they own. Women with no pets or who have cats are usually more approachable and easier to forge a future with. Those with dogs...forget it, they treat their dogs better than most of the people in their lives.

Oh, please, give me facts/stats on women with pets. Who did the study? Or was it you and a bunch of your buds getting together and comparing notes?

If people are like the pets they own, cat owners should be independent and aloof, only desiring attention on their terms. Dog owners should be friendly and crave attention with lots of petting--and much more approachable than a cat person.

If we fall into stereotypes, the Crazy Cat Lady has to be at the top of the list--forge a future with one of them!
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 82
Your Pet or YourRelationship?
Posted: 6/12/2008 7:03:39 AM
I see many people making a feeble attempt to pull on heart strings,but again how much money are you willing spend to save your pets life, would you give up your house ,your car, no , but you would for a family member.

Actually I would give up a house or a car for a pet before I'd give up the same for a family member...but then again you don't know my family - they're QUITE capable of helping themselves.

A pet is not owned or has a "master" either, an animal has a right to choose to be free, as well as human!

Humans domesticated certain animals, and the ones that are free don't necessarily live great lives - thanks to us, BTW. That's like saying the same for children. They can choose to be free right? So let them go....send em out in the world and see if they survive. Oh...wait, their choice to be free isn't very smart if they don't know what's in store? The world is too harsh and scary and there's too many highways, people who might wish them harm, they could get hurt? how is that different?

I agree that at one time in the age of dirt animals were free and living in the wild made sense - most dogs and cat's don't know the wild because we've either all but eliminated it in our civilization or the ability to survive alone has been bred out of them generations ago. Humans started it, so they need to now be responsible about it.

I still say if you aren't a pet person, SIMPLY find someone else who isn't...they aren't that hard to find.

cat owners should be independent and aloof, only desiring attention on their terms.

And in my case, that's exactly how I am as a cat owner...good call Gwen! : ) I even feel smothered by the cats at times, which is why I got two, so they can bother each other!
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 83
Your Pet or YourRelationship?
Posted: 6/12/2008 7:22:04 AM
Leagueofextraordinary . . .

Not to be offensive, but I can't quite "get" some of your intention due to convoluted syntax.

why be involved with someone that has pets,

Are you asking people why they would be involved with someone with pets?

during that time a family member falls ill due to a sickness and can no longer be around animals ,we know what the outcome would be a new home for the pet.

Isn't that the way it should be? In a family setting or longterm relationship, getting rid of a pet would be more viable that getting rid of a child--wouldn't it? But if a pet owner knew beforehand that a date or interested person were allergic to his/her cat is a different scenario. I would not send my cat packing (with her mouse toys) because I MIGHT click with a man. If it didn't work out, I would be minus the cat and the guy.

During Katrina do you know how many people did not want their pets back,

You are citing a situation that is far beyond the norm. In times of emergencies, people will do things that ordinarily they would not do. In the siege of Leningrad, people ate people to keep from starving to death (and there are other instances of cannibalism, as well). MOST people will not voluntarily abandon their pets; MOST people would not eat Aunt Edna when the pantry is a bit bare on the day before payday.

Then there are the idiots who kick their pets out on the side of the road and drive off. I sure the hell wouldn't date one of THEM, but I would be foolish to judge ALL pet owners by the idiots.

some people were told to leave their pets behind, they didn't want to but they did. So much for all that love and being a member of the family.

So, the water is rising and the rescue workers said, "You have to leave Fido--there is just no room for him." The dog/cat owner sees the water and makes the choice: do I defy the person who is rescuing me? Knock him overboard and save my dog? Do I leave one of my children behind? Do I stay behind? Do we all stay behind?

Get real.

I see many people making a feeble attempt to pull on heart strings,but again how much money are you willing spend to save your pets life, would you give up your house ,your car, no , but you would for a family member.

Ever heard the story of the person who runs back into a burning building to save a pet? Ever see pictures in the newspaper or online about the guy who went into a freezing river to save a dog? Let me tell you about a friend of mine who spent hundreds of dollars to have her cat put back together after a dog tore it to shreds.

Humans are paragons of virtues and vices. If you think that humans always save family members, I suggest that you read a bit about women who abandon newborn babies in garbage cans. I suggest you read about men and women who abuse children and nurses who "ease" their patients out of this life without the patients' consent.

My uncle is one of the leading people in animal behavioral sciences(Dogs), that is were I draw my info from.

Actually, you cite no facts or stats--you draw on personal experience and general observations. What is your uncle's name? Where does he teach? What is his research and where is it published? What are his credentials? Is he well respected in his field?

Why MUST one choose between the hamster and the dog? The hamster stays in its cage in the kid's room. Things are rarely so black and white as that and there is almost always more than one solution to a problem.
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 85
Your Pet or YourRelationship?
Posted: 6/12/2008 8:20:11 AM

Hi djchickie401,

Clearly we see things differently.

LOL...ya think? Of course we do.

You say,
"A pet is like a child in that it's a lifelong commitment that you should see thru till the end. "

I say,
"A pet is like a .... pet. It's spouses we say we will stick with till the end "

Huh? If a pet is a pet and nothing else, why bother? Get a houseplant. That second sentence is lost on me, what does that mean?

You say,
If you cannot promise to take care of them for life, PLEASE don't adopt them in the first place. It's a waste of everyone's time, especially that pet.

I say, "Circumstances change."

We established that you feel that way already, but thanks for the recap. I say again that if you know things may change, don't commit. This is a life, not a relationship (that could end). SO's don't usually have to look for a home and food when relationships end. But I understand how that mindset basically makes you feel better...and if it's all about you - keep it about you and don't adopt any living things. Not rocket science.

Most of my pets weren't mine to start with:
--Smokey a German Shepard/Collie mix. His owners were moving and
couldn't keep him.
--Henry a black French Poodle. Can't remember how we ended up with him.
--Rufus a white French Poodle. Theresa got divorced and moved into an
apartment that didn't allow dogs.
--Scruffers a gray cat with yellow eyes. He adopted us when he was just
a bag-of-bones kitten.

And you still have all these animals? Or did you not want them in a good solid permanent home to begin with?

I don't think less of any of the owners of the above pets because they gave their pets up. I figure they're like me. Just because I give something up doesn't mean I don't love or care about it. Think of the friends and loved ones that have come into and out of your life.

Friends and loved ones aren't helpless and on the street if I don't talk to them anymore...what does that have to do with pet adoption?

You say,
Can't people who don't like/can't be around pets just date each other?

I say,
"They could and some will. However, I think there are enough dealer breakers and obstacles to forming and maintaining a long-term relationship already. So I'm willing to make sacrifices to make things work. Think my pet would love me enough to understand."

I lost you at "however". And projecting that your pet would have wanted you to send them somewhere for the sake of love, and that they understand it at all is your way of making yourself feel better for doing it. Why would a pet that loves and trusts you really understand that? I know people like to say animals don't have feelings or they'd understand that it was for the best simply so they don't feel bad. That's about you, not the pet.

You say,
"Anyone that would get rid of a pet for an SO has issues, and anyone who would ask an SO to do so has issues as well. "

I say,
"I hope you find a man someday you love so much that you can understand my point of view. And I hope that he loves you as much and as unconditionally as those pets of yours that has inspired such admirable loyalty and committment."

The two aren't connected. Me ending up with a man I love and my pets living situation don't have anything to do with each other, nor should it...which is why we don't agree - which has already been established twice. My pets don't go because I date someone that doesn't like em. I either date someone else (or stay single) or I date them and they just don't come to my house....end of story.
 vegan goddess
Joined: 2/19/2008
Msg: 88
Your Pet or YourRelationship?
Posted: 6/12/2008 9:01:53 AM
She gave up her child so she could have sex with some low life guy who didn't want the cat around. And this is your friend?

Sorry for being so harsh, but someone who dumps their child for a guy. Nothing else needs to be said.

P.S. I have friends who are allergic to cats and I have 4 1/2. It's easy, I clean before they come, or we meet outside or we go to their house.

Your friend sold out her child. Disgusting.
Your Pet or YourRelationship?
Posted: 6/12/2008 9:27:09 AM
I really don't know if I could live without a pet. I don't think I could get involved with someone who couldn't have pets.
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 93
Your Pet or YourRelationship?
Posted: 6/12/2008 10:20:15 AM
All these animal lovers.............What If your 'Human' son/daughter developed a severe allergy to your pet, you gonna put them on meds till they are 18 and can move out? Make them suffer cause you love your dog/cat more?

I don't have kids or plan on having them, but that's different than someone you're dating because children are family and probably live with you - a guy you're dating is neither of those things. And I have some friends who have dealt with this with allergy medicine and getting the child used to a pet, and it actually can be done with VERY little suffering at all...wel, if someone has any patience and feels like making an effort to work with it, that is.

Obviously he'd not move in with you, and if your pets are there longer they should have some sort of stability in your home...if you chose to have them. You live in separate residences, there are options of where to spend don't HAVE to live together and if you decide to before six months to a year, and the SO is still in the picture, then you can discuss it.

Primarily, it would never happen in the first place. Online, anyone who contacts me knows in advance I have at least one cat, because he's in one of my photos. If they're allergic, I'd also assume they'd mention it and I'd explain that my cats are the fluffy type and no matter how much sweeping, dusting, vacuuming I do, there's likely to be stray cat hairs floating around. It then becomes their choice if they want to date and how (only away from my place works for me with the right guy, for instance). If they simply don't like cats, it's really not a problem. He's just an incompatible stranger to me at this point, and he can go date someone else.

I know....exactly. DUH! Still better not to date someone with pets if you are allergic to em - why even get into it in the first place? How do people date this long and now know this is the case? elsewhere.

I don't see how this is a major issue.

I totally agree Dawn - it isn't unless you like making things hard on yourself, people you date, and animals that don't get to choose where they end up.
Joined: 11/2/2006
Msg: 95
Your Pet or YourRelationship?
Posted: 6/12/2008 10:25:00 AM
My cat before any woman certainly. My cat, Mr Monster Puss, has been a faithful companion for over 15 years! Also any man or woman who would give up their puss would likely get rid of the BF/GF too for a so-called better opportunity.

For shame!

The Eagle
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 98
Your Pet or YourRelationship?
Posted: 6/12/2008 11:25:15 AM

All these animal lovers.............What If your 'Human' son/daughter developed a severe allergy to your pet, you gonna put them on meds till they are 18 and can move out? Make them suffer cause you love your dog/cat more?

Either you are not reading closely enough or you don't understand what most of us are saying. There is a difference between a child developing an allergy to a pet and starting a relationship with someone WHO, BEFORE EVEN MEETING, IS ALLERGIC TO PETS.

If either of my sons were allergic to cat or dog dander, I would have found a home for the pets we had when the kids were growing up. But I live with a cat and if a man said that he is allergic to her, I wouldn't spark up a friendship.

The cat has outlasted three short-term relationships. No man whom I have dated EVER protested her existence or suggested that she should go. In fact, one of the men whom I used to see sent her gifts in the mail and even sent her a gift certificate for a pet store AFTER we stopped seeing each other.

Damn, maybe men want to date me because of the cat.
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 99
Your Pet or YourRelationship?
Posted: 6/12/2008 11:26:02 AM
For those that wanted to know; DR.Nicholas Dodman, Professor / Section Head and Program Director, Animal Behavior, Department of Clinical Sciences . He is also the Director at the Cummings School of Veterinary Medicine of Tufts University. You will have to go to that site to find his published research papers and books.

Ok, now relate how your rambling post relates to what he teaches.
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 103
view profile
Your Pet or YourRelationship?
Posted: 6/12/2008 12:21:22 PM
Do you and the professor know how babies bond with their parents/caretaker? Because they feed them and cuddle them and they are their only source of care and protection. So our children don't love us, they are just giving us attention waiting for that dinner bell. I think your professor might want to do a bit more research.
 The Artful Codger
Joined: 2/29/2008
Msg: 104
Your Pet or YourRelationship?
Posted: 6/12/2008 12:45:24 PM

Give up the dogs?
For a woman?


Good one OP.
You had me going there for a minute.

Thanks for the laugh ... good times.
That's some funny sh*t.

Heeheehee - I'm still laughing at this thread.
Joined: 5/5/2007
Msg: 110
view profile
Your Pet or YourRelationship?
Posted: 6/12/2008 2:22:05 PM
but think of all the biting, and scratching and barking.....oh thats right......i'm divorced!!!
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 112
view profile
Your Pet or YourRelationship?
Posted: 6/12/2008 3:39:19 PM
Your psych essay

I get that you don't see pets the same way some do, but the fact that you have this biased idea and think it's the one factual answer and all these people here are just not getting that they don't love their pets and their pets don't love them, because well you have to be right, then what good is this psych essay? You have no stats on how many people might have died or could have died, staying with their pets. You have no right to laugh in the face and say I told you so! to those who made the horrible choice to leave their pets behind and you don't know what kind of people they were in the first place, maybe they mistreated their pets and could have cared less if they were left behind. Also there are no stats on why people didn't come back or didn't take their pets back. There are just way too many confounds here, and you making your big bad ass statements about professors and psych essays is a whole lot of bluff and bluster. I think anyone who's taken psych courses knows full well how to write a biased essay and show bullshit to be true.

Some people will not see their pets as equal to a human relationship, some will see it as equal and some will see it as higher up. So what? They don't all agree with you, why do you feel the need to be RIGHT! when it's not a black & white subject? Your answers are right for how you feel about pets and your answers do fit some people some times, but it just isn't true for everybody. Psychology demands in it's very nature to see a whole lot of gray, you can't get very far in that field and be good at it, if your mindset is black & white and it's going to be very unfair to others if you go into the field with a need to prove yourself right over many obvious proofs against your personal beliefs.
Joined: 2/3/2007
Msg: 114
Your Pet or YourRelationship?
Posted: 6/12/2008 3:50:59 PM
My little girl is very special to me and we are a package deal. I make it clear in my profile that I have a cat. I've had men say they don't abide aniamals? Well then...good bye and good luck to you ...Miss Agatha is here til death do us part. That
is more than I can say about my previous relationships.
Joined: 4/19/2008
Msg: 115
Your Pet or YourRelationship?
Posted: 6/12/2008 5:38:17 PM

Women come and go, my cat is always there for me!

What he said but change women to men...

Met someone on here who apparently didn't read my profile very well...I mention I have a cat. No secret. We talked twice and the 2nd time Ashton the cat is walking across the computer desk and I'm shooing him off. Guy asks, "who are you talking to?"...ummm Ashton, my cat. He then tells me that he doesn't remember seeing that on my profile (after he asked how my child was--wannabe player). He then tells me that he cannot date a woman with a cat because he's deathly allergic. And that the last woman who had one refused to give hers up for him. "You wouldn't give your cat away so we could date would you?" Uh final words were "my cat was here before you got here...I bet the cat will be here when you're gone..."

My cousin married someone who has cats and she's allergic as well. Their solution? The cats have a lovely home in the basement where they're free to roam. When she's not home, he allows them upstairs to play but makes sure to vaccuum afterwards....they've been married almost 4 yrs now.
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 116
Your Pet or YourRelationship?
Posted: 6/12/2008 5:54:24 PM

anyone, anywhere should tell me that it's either me or my cats, or my love for lizards, snakes, dogs, sharks, mountain lions, cougars, panthers, polar bears, or orangatans then he's friggin' history in my eyes.

I couldn't agree more. (Missed you, by the way!)

~OT~ He has to be pet-friendly or he has to go. I have no interest in anyone who doesn't find value in the little creatures (even if they are the size of an elephant.) I'm a pet person, I donate time to pet-related causes and I can't imagine someone being weirded out by man's best friend or our little owner's in the feline community, snakes, turtles. fish, etc., are such special gifts. I'd question someone's character if my love of animals were a detour ~ well, no I wouldn' wouldn't go that far. I have the "pet talk" early on.
Joined: 6/3/2006
Msg: 118
Your Pet or Your Relationship?
Posted: 6/12/2008 7:35:29 PM
My puppy will will win every time......and he knows it.
 The Artful Codger
Joined: 2/29/2008
Msg: 119
Your Pet or Your Relationship?
Posted: 6/12/2008 8:11:37 PM

Oh I do have pets and will be starting a rescue center when I retire next year, I just haven't decided if it will be horses or dogs.
Would you give up either the pets or the rescue centre for the chance at love with a woman you hadn't yet known a year?
 The Artful Codger
Joined: 2/29/2008
Msg: 123
Your Pet or a New Relationship?
Posted: 6/12/2008 10:41:02 PM

That's a silly question. Why anyone give up ANYTHING for someone they don't know.
It is a silly question. But the way I'm reading the OPost, it is the question being asked in this thread. Opie states in Msg: 10, the couple in question have only been together about 8 months. A woman with allergies to my dogs wouldn't last 8 hours as a potential partner.

But if you are IN a relationship and truly love someone -- if for any reason you need to make a choice, please don't tell me you'd be so selfish as to pick an animal or a human?

If you had a child and your beloved pet bit him, or he was allergic, or whatever the reason... would you not choose the welfare and relationship with your child over your pet?
Different questions entirely...but since you asked - if one of my dogs ever somehow bit a small child, I'd be grilling fresh dog steaks for dinner that night; and if sometime down the road you and I were living happily ever after with our dogs...and while out walking one day you and a mutt were both suddenly mauled by a roving pack of rabid badgers and I had to make a choice ... rest assured, I'd save you.
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 126
view profile
Your Pet or YourRelationship?
Posted: 6/13/2008 1:59:07 AM
I think it's just something that would come up early on in the relationship. You either are closely connected to your pet, or are not. I've had mine for 20 years, and will for the rest of my life or most of it; my pets are as attached to me as I am to them. It wouldn't be fair to them OR me to just jettison them from my life, so when I contact someone, I make it clear they aren't going anywhere. It would be as foolish as dating someone who doesn't like kids, when you have two small children. If it's a problem, then I simply don't go out with them in the first place. Problem solved.
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  >