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 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 37
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Will this fix itself?Page 2 of 18    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18)
You are a 27 year old woman, who you sleep with or date is your business learn to be more discrete. It was foolish of you to choose his friends as bed-mates and for a lot of men that is more than they can handle. The 'jokes' about size etc show the incredible immaturity and insensitivity of the entire crew. You guys need to start hanging out in new places and find some new friends if this is going to work.
I have to agree with some other posters that a good relationship should not be this much work.
 nexthyme
Joined: 9/12/2007
Msg: 40
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Will this fix itself?
Posted: 6/17/2008 2:48:08 PM

I have to agree with some other posters that a good relationship should not be this much work.


Who wrote this??? If relationships weren't a lot of work, then the divorce rate would be ZERO... Of course relationships are work as well as just existing...

You are very smart to question whether he is ok with things, or just letting them simmer to an intense boil. You dated him a long time before, is he the type to harbor anger, then no matter how many times the two of you have been over it, does he go and rerake the coals???

It sounds good that the two of you are making new friends and are out enjoying spending time together... People make choices all the time that they later regrete, yours is not so bad that it is unforgiveable... If you were married to the guy, and out cheating on him, it would be one thing, but the two of you weren't married, and were broken up...

Shug you probably need to learn to forgive yourself, so that you can expect him to do the same. As long as you still feel as though you were doing something horribly wrong, then he will feel like it is a great weapon if he's the type to do so...
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 41
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Will this fix itself?
Posted: 6/17/2008 7:13:32 PM
The accent on my post was on the word GOOD. Crappy relationships, unhappy relationships, half-dead relationships require tens times more effort than a good one. Even in a set of friends, there will be those that are easy to be friends with and those that are a bit of a struggle.
I just hate seeing a young woman pursue a relationship with a man she has to constantly apologize for things she freely did and felt fine about had not the men involved been such cads. The lack of discretion for people this age is amazing to me.
 u2lover
Joined: 12/8/2007
Msg: 43
made a terrible mistake by f&&king these other guys ...
Posted: 6/20/2008 10:31:24 AM
There's really nothing you can do at this point, it is water under the bridge. So, if he can't move past these things that happened when you were not a couple, I think the relationship is doomed. Even if you are embarassed or ashamed, it happened. May not happen again but it did in the first place. All you can do is admit your feelings and move forward. If he can't get over it, send him packing and get on with life. It's too short to coddle someone who can't accept the past. The two of you have to act like adults and figure it out.
 Jason-01
Joined: 12/4/2006
Msg: 47
made a terrible mistake by f&&king these other guys ...
Posted: 6/20/2008 12:58:07 PM
This guy is too immature for a long term relationship. Everyone has dated several people before getting married. It's just part of how we do things in North America. If I am out with an old girlfriend and my wife and my wife says something about what I'm like in bed I always want to duck for cover but I engage in the conversation. LIKE AN ADULT. What's going to happen when you run into an old boyfriend or someone in some bar tries to pick you up. You may end up in a fight about a problem that doesn't exist.

I've seen too many people fight over this kind of thing and it never ends. Run while you can still remain friends.
 cautiouslady
Joined: 8/28/2006
Msg: 49
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made a terrible mistake by f&&king these other guys ...
Posted: 6/20/2008 1:00:40 PM
I am not judging you but...if you slept with 3 other guys in a span of 10 months how much did you really care about your boyfriend ? If he can't move past this it will always be a problem.
 dogs rule
Joined: 10/12/2007
Msg: 50
Will this fix itself?
Posted: 6/20/2008 1:10:10 PM

A mature, confident man would have no problem with what you did AFTER YOU HAD ENDED THE RELATIONSHIP. Obviously this guy is not.

I agree, whats done is done and it's in the past. Tell him to quit being such a wuss and get over it!
 Boricua Papi
Joined: 10/8/2007
Msg: 51
made a terrible mistake by f&&king these other guys ...
Posted: 6/20/2008 3:20:01 PM
Oh my! First, take two tablespoons of self respect twice a day. This will not change your slutty personality but at least will help you make better decisions in the future!
 e 24
Joined: 4/19/2007
Msg: 52
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Will this fix itself?
Posted: 6/20/2008 4:17:09 PM
I'm not of the mind that relationships should be work.

Wow, you're kidding right? If you are talking about a one night relationship then I might agree.

However any successful Long-Term Relationship requires work. It's just a fact of life.

Feel free to check back here in about 15 to 20 years and tell us how you are doing with that "relationships without any work" thing. Good luck!

"For anything worth having one must pay the price; and the price is always work, patience, love, self-sacrifice..." - John Burroughs
 borntoski683
Joined: 4/28/2008
Msg: 53
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Will this fix itself?
Posted: 6/20/2008 4:41:08 PM
1 - I won't fix itself, you have to confront the issue

2 - You didn't do anything morally wrong by sleeping with other dudes while you were broken up with your BF.

3 - For future reference, BAD IDEA to sleep with guys who are related to your ex's regardless of whether there is nothing morally wrong with it. That's just one of those rules that you don't break because it can lead to trouble later, like you are experiencing now. It does put your BF in an awkward position now. Some guys can deal with it, some cannot. It might be the other 2nd guy that can't deal with it and your friend values his friendship with him or whatever. Many complications. Other examples are sleeping with the ex-lover of your close friend, etc. These are things that put at risk long standing friendships and usually long standing friendships will win....and probably should win. That is water under the bridge for you, so just pointing it out for the future.

I would try to broach the subject with your BF and see what happens. maybe you can work it out or maybe you will have to move on.
 neondove
Joined: 12/6/2007
Msg: 54
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Will this fix itself?
Posted: 6/20/2008 5:25:18 PM
I love some of posters responses , hey your BF is insecure so if he has a problem dump his ass , tell him to put his big boy pants on , gee ever think that the guy is a human being and that he has human emotions ?, no wonder you guys are on POF. The guy more than likely is having a hard time because he really cares about her and can't stand the fact that another man got the chance to intimate with her , that would bug me.

And no stupid , "get over it" responses are going to fix it , no wonder society is laying in the gutter.
 aSydneyMale
Joined: 5/16/2006
Msg: 55
made a terrible mistake by f&&king these other guys ...
Posted: 6/20/2008 5:37:28 PM
Then your boyfriend needs to grow up.

It's none of his business who you slept with when you were broken up. Did he see anybody during that time? Did he sleep with anybody? It's none of your business either.

If you are together now then BE together now and act like adults, not teenagers in the schoolyard.


I know I made a terrible mistake by f&&king these other guys but I have no idea what to do to improve our situation.


Why was it a mistake for you? The problem here is your boyfriend having the emotional age of a 10-year-old.
 mjk21258
Joined: 10/20/2007
Msg: 56
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made a terrible mistake by f&&king these other guys ...
Posted: 6/20/2008 5:51:32 PM
someone needs to grow up
 aSydneyMale
Joined: 5/16/2006
Msg: 57
Will this fix itself?
Posted: 6/20/2008 6:24:48 PM

Either you're all full of it or never loved a woman enough to get stomach aches.
That's the way I see it....


Then you have a very narrow way of looking at things.

It's not a question of a mans wife or girlfriend hooking up with another man in front of them, it's a question of an EX girlfriend sleeping with one, and dating two in the space of 10 months whilst she was a SINGLE woman.

Do we presume the boyfriend was celibate in all this time, he may well have been, but who knows?

I've known and loved several gorgeous women until my stomach ached, including my ex-wife, and I also loved them enough as individuals after the relationships ended to wish them happiness in the future.

The woman I was involved with before I came to this country to work is now seeing a great man. We broke up because I had to come here and her situation was such she couldn't come with me. She is happy in this relationship with him and we talk often and remember the time we had together are will always be friends. Does it bother me she is now sleeping with another man? Not in the slightest, she's no longer with me and it's none of my business. Would it bother her to know I'm sleeping with other women? Not at all, she would be happy to know I would have found someone up here.

I presume we're all over 21 here and mature enough not to be insecure and sulky because we can't handle the thought of someone we felt for sleeping with another.

The OP's boyfriend is behaving like a big sook and needs to find some maturity and stop laying this guilt trip at the Op's door.
 dentwebb
Joined: 6/11/2005
Msg: 58
made a terrible mistake by f&&king these other guys ...
Posted: 6/20/2008 7:54:03 PM
I am much older than you and have personal experience on both ends of what you are talking about. You can take this anyway you want to or not, but I can guarantee you that it is not going to work out between him and yourself!! At least in a long term type of relationship!

Men are different than women in this area. Men are physically based and think in that realm, and emotions you were feeling that lead to F**k those guys means nothing to us and he will never get over what you did! Women as you know are more emotional and in your defense the sex isn't that big of a deal, however if he had fallen deeply and emotionally in LOVE with a woman while you two were broken up. You yourself would be having the same problem that he is!
It would just be a difference in the view point of men and women!

What I have said I KNOW to be true, but you take it or leave it...
 neondove
Joined: 12/6/2007
Msg: 59
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made a terrible mistake by f&&king these other guys ...
Posted: 6/20/2008 8:23:46 PM
I am much older than you and have personal experience on both ends of what you are talking about. You can take this anyway you want to or not, but I can guarantee you that it is not going to work out between him and yourself!! At least in a long term type of relationship!

Men are different than women in this area. Men are physically based and think in that realm, and emotions you were feeling that lead to F**k those guys means nothing to us and he will never get over what you did! Women as you know are more emotional and in your defense the sex isn't that big of a deal, however if he had fallen deeply and emotionally in LOVE with a woman while you two were broken up. You yourself would be having the same problem that he is!
It would just be a difference in the view point of men and women!

What I have said I KNOW to be true, but you take it or leave it...


Winner , thread over
 faithnoman
Joined: 2/18/2007
Msg: 60
made a terrible mistake by f&&king these other guys ...
Posted: 6/20/2008 8:59:07 PM
First of all, let me make this clear. If a guy bragged about my current girlfriend having sex with him and them flicked me off, I hope it would take every bone in my body not to punch him as hard in the face as I possibly could

.. but I may turn out to be too nice of a guy for that kind of thing.

I pray to God I wouldn't be though!


To all the women mocking her bf, saying he's a baby - I hope you guys are put in the exact situation, except in reverse.

Then we'll see some different thoughts on this subject.

Much Love,

Chris
 lil red corvette
Joined: 5/12/2008
Msg: 61
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made a terrible mistake by f&&king these other guys ...
Posted: 6/20/2008 9:35:36 PM
Stop thinking that you made a mistake. You and he were NOT seeing each other .
You were free to see anyone you chose, if it worked out... great ! ... the fact that it didn't is irrelevant. You were free to see as many guys as you wished.... if he cannot deal with that fact... it is most certainly HIS issue and you shouldn't see it as yours.
If he is angry because you saw guys while he and you were apart... again , his issue.
Did he expect you to join a convent when you two broke up ?
Would that have made him happy ? :)

I suggest that you tell him to grow up and stop acting like a child.
If he can't move on... it is probably better for you to move on yourself...
I'm sure it can't be too hard to find a man who won't act like a child.

Try to stop blaming yourself for something that not only wasn't wrong to do !
Good luck .. hope he can grow up a little before he loses you .
 aSydneyMale
Joined: 5/16/2006
Msg: 62
Will this fix itself?
Posted: 6/21/2008 2:14:34 AM

Well, that's damned magnanimous of you...
Mind you, it's apparent neither of you cared about each other enough to make it work, unlike this couple who seem to be trying really hard, so just what relevance does your tale of your EX have to this?????? You and your EX are NO LONGER TOGETHER.... Remember, she's sleeping with another guy. This couple however are in love and back together. Do you see the difference? Ahhh, now the light goes on....
Good grief....


Not magnanimous, but grown-up mate.

You don't know enough about us to make assumptions about how much we cared about each other.

The relevance is, that if it ever came about that my ex and I did come back together, I wouldn't have a problem with any of the people she saw in the meantime.

The only difference is the opportunity and timeframe.


Unless you didn't really care in the first place.... 'felt' really doesn't equal 'love' now does it??????????


Don't be so arrogant as to presume you have the mortgage on what constitutes love. You have no idea what my ex and I felt for each other and indeed what the OP and her boyfriend feel for that matter.
 Adam 4 Coffee
Joined: 5/31/2007
Msg: 63
made a terrible mistake by f&&king these other guys ...
Posted: 6/21/2008 2:18:09 AM
Wow you have a harsh crowd here. Well I broke up with my girlfriend of 3 years and have had sex other women since. Its ok I'm single and dating. If we were to get back together it would not be much of an issue as this si what she wanted it was a mutal break up. Tou were broken up for a while almost a year. how cna he not expect you to ahve sex in that time frame. what was he doing taken a vow of celibacy? He did not date or have sex with anyone? Come on.... And even if he didn't Still its ntoa big dela its expected. People have to live in the present and for the moment with only thinking breifly once in a while into the future. Thinking about the pst or what could happen or could have cuases uneccessary drama. He has to be able to let it go and think "Oh I'm dating you now and nothing else matters except that we are together." its not like you cheated on him as you were not ina relationship at the time. And told him about it.
 anyoneoutthier
Joined: 3/19/2007
Msg: 64
Will this fix itself?
Posted: 6/21/2008 3:59:32 AM
You had your cake and ate it allso so next time you might want a reasltionship with some think about it before you act as no one wants slopy seconds from an old flame.
 aSydneyMale
Joined: 5/16/2006
Msg: 65
Will this fix itself?
Posted: 6/21/2008 4:15:32 AM

You DONT work on reconciling a relationship and fcuk other people without causing damage. IF you (generic) think otherwise...you're a d!ckhead mate.


Despite your generic qualification there's no need for insults.

Believe it or not I can read English luv, they broke up and they talked about getting back together. When did they talk? In the first month? In the ninth? How often or long did they talk for? None of us know.

In the meantime she has two relationships and a one-night stand. She doesn't say what he did, but I would suggest a young bloke keeping such company would not be going without for 10 months.

So maybe you should keep your insults to yourself, the OP asked for opinions and she's got them. You can make your point without name-calling.
 EagleEric
Joined: 11/2/2006
Msg: 68
made a terrible mistake by f&&king these other guys ...
Posted: 6/21/2008 9:56:27 AM
Well when either a man or a woman in a relationship can't forgive the other party for their past indiscretions, the relationship is over. The ability to forgive is a necessary element for a couple to continue to be together. What will happen with you is that your BF will remain angry and unhappy making you miserable.

I knew a Navy couple who had been married for 20 years and had three children. The husband had a couple of affairs and the wife either had evidence of it or sensed it. During this marriage, she was nearly always angry and b*tchy. She made his life miserable. She couldn't forgive. Finally she had her own revenge by having an affair of her own and then divorcing the husband.

I'd advise a new BF and better behavior on your part.

The Eagle
 mthomjmark
Joined: 2/27/2008
Msg: 70
Will this fix itself?
Posted: 6/22/2008 9:56:43 PM

And for some of you ladies, if a man that you've been in a long relationship with dumps you and almost instantly starts banging other women,most likely you'd be pissed and call him a scum bag. But why is it ok if a woman does the same thing?

Finally a real woman; Great post Bethany.

It cracks me up. She goes and sleeps with 3-4 guys in 10 months after this relationship and then asks whats the problem. Thats pretty loose. I know in this day its the in thing but I'm sorry. He should dump YOU.

Bethany you are so right. If the tables were reversed the same women backing her would be ripping this guy to shreds for being a sleazy jerk.
 forum101
Joined: 2/5/2008
Msg: 73
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made a terrible mistake by f&&king these other guys ...
Posted: 6/24/2008 9:52:57 AM
It is up to him whether he can deal with this or not. If not, move on. give it up, you cant change what happened or his feelings about it. Learn from it.
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