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 lateef7842
Joined: 4/14/2008
Msg: 75
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made a terrible mistake by f&&king these other guys ...Page 3 of 18    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18)
Let me get this straight; You breakup for ten months and in that time you bang 3 guys. OK, it is what it is. But one (or more) of the guys is someone in your circle of friends? So, every time you guys hang out, he's got to endure being around one of your "uck buddies?"

He's not being insecure. Past behavior is a good forecaster of future actions. If a dog bites you, are you being insecure for not wanting to pet that dog again? No, because you know that dog will, more than likely, bite you again. You've shown him what kind of person you are.

Actually, he's not mad at you. He's mad at himself. He sees that he's fallen in love with a woman who's easy and has poor judgment. Now, every time you guys argue, he's going to think you're going to run out and bang someone else. And, that someone else may be a someone you both know.

He's pissed because he wants to break up with you but he's in love, so he can't. At least not yet. If he was smart, he'd move on. If you're smart, you'll get some counseling and try to figure out why you make such bad decisions.

Lateef
 davidsauvignon
Joined: 2/6/2008
Msg: 77
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Will this fix itself?
Posted: 6/25/2008 10:52:15 AM
OP, I would have presumed that you & he have already ended things....afterall, you are on a dating website looking for a man for an Other Relationship....??!!



~ds~
 davidsauvignon
Joined: 2/6/2008
Msg: 78
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Will this fix itself?
Posted: 6/25/2008 11:30:39 AM
OP: "I was going out with this guy for a long time, but I broke up with him. We kept talking about getting back together"

I disagree with the majority who have said, "No big deal....it's none of his business....you were broken up....yada yada yada...." See the above statement....She broke up with him, but they were talking about getting back together. So during the potential reconciliation discussions with him, she's out doing the deed with 3 other guys....some for prolonged periods. Seems underhanded and sneaky to me.

That along with the fact that she was going to keep it from him....until, he found out. So OP, you were only honest when confronted....but not forthcoming with the truth....again, seems underhanded and sneaky to me, however, I give you some credit for telling him the truth once confronted. But that begs another question....so you weren't going to say anything and had to once he found out.....what about the STD? Were you going to just pass that along to him?

We all make poor choices in life. I have a feeling yours will come back to haunt you, he'll leave and you'll be left to pick up your pieces and do some soul searching. It's part of being a human being. Learning from our mistakes and growing as a person.

Good luck, OP.



~ds~
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 79
Will this fix itself?
Posted: 6/25/2008 11:35:53 AM
I'm not going to wade thru 9 pages of gender war...
OP
When you were "broke up", it was certainly your right to tear off a piece with any guy who was rightfully available( No boys under 18, and let's not compound the felony by boinking another woman's man)
That said, just that fact that it was your technical"right" to screw these guys, is not going to prevent your bf from having trouble dealing with the knowledge that you boinked guys who were members of your mutual social circle. Human nature does not always dovetail with technical "right".
I can't tell you what to do NOW. You and your bf are gonna have to sort this out amongst yourselves and decide whether your feelings for each other can survive the damage done by your poorly thought out behavior.
But in future, there's a rather graphic but very true rule to live by;
"Don't sh*t where you eat."
If you break up with this or any subsequent bf, take your sexual activities AWAY from your circle of mutual friends. Even if you are fairly certain that there's no hope of the thing being revived, having recreational sex with his buddies is just pure D trashy.
Cindy O
 davidsauvignon
Joined: 2/6/2008
Msg: 81
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Posted: 6/25/2008 5:55:24 PM
OP msg. #208: "In the mean time, he's told me he'd rather not discuss the stuff that's happened and try to let it get forgotten. He figures out of sight, out of mind and I think I agree with him. That's why we're avoiding the triggers that upset him."

This doesn't sound like a very healthy approach to handling relationship issues. Yours and his choice to make, but I'm just sayin....and that's only my opinion. Have a hunch the counselor may view it differently, as well. But I have to give your boyfriend kudos for at least trying....he obviously has deep feelings for you. And I give you kudos too, OP for your recognition of how your actions have affected another. I hope you two can get past it and make it work.



~ds~
 SapphirePoet
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 82
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Posted: 6/26/2008 11:03:58 AM
LaFets,
I am glad you both are going to try counseling, I think that is a fantastic idea.
Sometimes it takes a third party to make us see things how they really are and to find the tools to move forward instead of dwelling in the past.
I would imagine the first suggestion would be not to frequent the spots where you will encounter these other men, especially the one who is such a jerk about it.
Find some new places that you both enjoy and can have fun.

Dont beat yourself up about this, it's over and done with and you can learn from it and grow as a person.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 83
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Posted: 6/26/2008 1:14:24 PM
Stop beating yourself up already, and if your BF is giving you a rough time over what you did when you were not even dating then its HE that needs to be going to counceling. But to be honest with you, you are not married or engaged. If you need couples counceling at this stage I would not plan on being a couple for very long. 3 guys in 10 months? Half the girls in my all womens college dated more men than that in the course of a school year. Your sexuality is nothing to be ashamed of.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 84
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Posted: 6/26/2008 7:18:21 PM
Tramp? What a nice little Neanderthal you are to use language like that regarding women.

The point of my post and many others is that the past is the past and her current BF has no right to tell her what she did was wrong. She owes no one an explanation for her acts.
The 'girls' I went to school with are now 45 year old women with careers and families. What they did in their 20's has no bearing on who they are today, it was harmless college sex Big Deal. The OP's only 'mistake' as most of us see it, was not using a condom.
Do you read the forums here Pal? How many people these days are waiting a year or two between sexual relationships? No person should be made to feel ashamed of their natural human sex drive. It is puritanical to expect an adult to make excuses to their 'friends' for seeking pleasure from another adult. Grow up.
 SomethingManly
Joined: 4/18/2008
Msg: 85
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Posted: 6/26/2008 8:53:31 PM
I have to be honest, i only read like 3 or 4 posts in this thread. So maybe i'm way off.

First of all, to the OP...if you thought that you "might" want to get back with him, then lay off the men for a while until you figure it out. Yes, technically, you weren't together...but let's get real here...and with a guy he knows as well...lol. What reaction did you expect?

Second, the guy should have been told about the "other men" (specially the guy you both know) before you agreed to start up with him again.

Sometimes i wonder about these threads...lol. If i split up with my woman, i would NEVER date a friend of hers if i thought i'd get back with her down the line....holly shit...lol.

Other than that, for all you women out there who are gonna flame me....i'd say the same damn thing to a man who did the same thing.

Makes me think of Ross and Rachel from friends and the whole "we were on a break" line...lol. How many of you women agreed with Ross? ;)
 neondove
Joined: 12/6/2007
Msg: 86
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Posted: 6/26/2008 8:56:24 PM

The point of my post and many others is that the past is the past and her current BF has no right to tell her what she did was wrong. She owes no one an explanation for her acts.
The 'girls' I went to school with are now 45 year old women with careers and families. What they did in their 20's has no bearing on who they are today, it was harmless college sex Big Deal. The OP's only 'mistake' as most of us see it, was not using a condom.
Do you read the forums here Pal? How many people these days are waiting a year or two between sexual relationships? No person should be made to feel ashamed of their natural human sex drive. It is puritanical to expect an adult to make excuses to their 'friends' for seeking pleasure from another adult. Grow up.


Holy crap , how old are you ? Typical response from a woman , you did nothing wrong its your BF's problem , go act like a whore it's not your problem.

And women wonder why Chivalry is dead , it's kinda hard having respect for someone who doesn't even respect herself.
 davidsauvignon
Joined: 2/6/2008
Msg: 87
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made a terrible mistake by f&&king these other guys ...
Posted: 6/27/2008 9:52:28 PM
Jesus, Cupid is Blind (how apt)....I would think as long as you've been a member here, that you would know better than to blindly post without reading prior posts on the thread or the OP's profile.....I quickly learned that after my first ignorant post. Good job sucking up, though.



!ds~
 Dumpling-Girl
Joined: 7/20/2005
Msg: 89
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Posted: 6/30/2008 9:52:48 AM
Hmm, I think it's more the friends' responsibilities to not sleep with his ex-girlfriend. He shouldn't blame the girl, but his so called friends. If my friends hooked up with my ex after the breakup, and then cheated on him on top of that, they wouldn't be my friends anymore.
 SomethingManly
Joined: 4/18/2008
Msg: 93
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made a terrible mistake by f&&king these other guys ...
Posted: 7/12/2008 1:48:33 PM

Men dont deal with these things as easy as us women do.


You have to be kidding...lol.
 kindheart8
Joined: 8/4/2007
Msg: 94
made a terrible mistake by f&&king these other guys ...
Posted: 7/12/2008 2:04:20 PM
The two of you broke up and went your own way. You had a life and kept living. You cant blame yourself and neither should he. I would say he was doing the same thing as you, you just dont know with who. I think if he really loves you he will grow up and put it behind him. When you started seeing each other the second time that should have been a new start, not looking at who you had been with in the past.
 niksmama1124
Joined: 5/12/2008
Msg: 96
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Posted: 7/13/2008 11:07:23 AM
i agree w/this post...tell ur current bf to get over it or move on! u were broken up at the time.
 SomethingManly
Joined: 4/18/2008
Msg: 100
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made a terrible mistake by f&&king these other guys ...
Posted: 7/14/2008 9:20:03 AM
Lol...i think i need a recap of the situation

What i recall is....she dumped him, then 10 months of her sleeping around with 3 different men (one of whom is both their acquaintance), then they get back together ans she keeps her "activities" secret (as well as the STD), then he finds all this out from someone else.

Is this accurate?

My first question is, did you ask him back or was it him who asked you?

Second question, why did you not tell him about you banging his buddy and the STD? I think people deserve to make decisions of the heart (and physical health) based on truth, not deception.

I don't know either of the two people involved here, but i'd never had gotten back with someone in this situation IF i knew the whole story before making my decision. But i don't think he had all this knowledge prior to.
 JeffC13
Joined: 6/15/2007
Msg: 103
Will this fix itself?
Posted: 7/18/2008 1:51:21 PM
Yes because you'd be "mature and confident" if an ex of yours had slept with a friend or someone you knew. Sorry, but this below doesn't wash.


A mature, confident man would have no problem with what you did AFTER YOU HAD ENDED THE RELATIONSHIP. Obviously this guy is not.

Dump him and move on.


Sounds like the boyfriend should dump her.
 SweetnSassyNatureLover
Joined: 4/11/2008
Msg: 108
Will this fix itself?
Posted: 7/29/2008 5:55:32 PM
LaFets, Rebound stuff is wrong on so many levels. I think the only thing you might have to feel guilty of is if you weren't honest upfront and he had to find out from someone else and even then I am not so sure since you were split up (the std - yeah that is something you need to tell straight up).

I wouldn't take someone back after he broke up with me and slept around, but that's just me. Sounds like your guy loves you but needs alot of reassurance and stuff, and can't blame him for being embarrassed by the whole situation. It is a pretty huge blow to his pride. Regardless of who the jacka## was, would you have been upfront and honest with your bf about everything if the guy hadn't told everyone? I think maybe that might be an area that could bother your bf - did you only come clean because you were exposed or what? That is something I would be struggling with.

Don't beat yourself up over your mistakes, learn from them. And whether or not things work out, don't repeat them! Good luck.
 JWork25
Joined: 7/16/2008
Msg: 109
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Posted: 7/29/2008 6:00:37 PM
The original poster is slutty, IMO. I really hope he leaves you if he hasn't already.
 neondove
Joined: 12/6/2007
Msg: 111
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made a terrible mistake by f&&king these other guys ...
Posted: 7/30/2008 4:26:05 PM

If he can't let go of the past then you've got to let go of him.

It's not like you were together so he shouldn't feel bad...


and this is why relations between the genders is at a all time low...
 anyoneoutthier
Joined: 3/19/2007
Msg: 113
made a terrible mistake by f&&king these other guys ...
Posted: 7/30/2008 4:50:55 PM
I wounder how many of you women would take an ex back after you were split for say a year and you found out he was baning your best friend. could you get past it i dont think many of you could or would even try. If her guy is still with her she should feel real lucky he is even giving her a chance.
 SweetnSassyNatureLover
Joined: 4/11/2008
Msg: 114
Will this fix itself?
Posted: 8/1/2008 12:37:23 AM
If you really, really want to hurt someone that you love, lie to them and let them find out later, about the other sex you had....

No kidding. I have been holding myself back for about an hour since I read allno’s post. Yikes. Someone should stamp a red flag onto her forehead for everyone to see.

Maybe she doesn’t know about pain caused by others.
*****************************************************************************
Hi Translation!!!

Having had this done to me, I agree - I don't think someone would say this and mean it if they had it done to them personally.
 tony19601960
Joined: 7/22/2008
Msg: 115
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Posted: 8/1/2008 1:31:17 PM
It won't fix itself and it is time to move on but perhaps it's not because he's imature - it might be because while he was hurting his ex was off f**king ?
 STH III
Joined: 6/5/2008
Msg: 118
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made a terrible mistake by f&&king these other guys ...
Posted: 8/3/2008 5:15:15 PM
You knew he still cared for you and it was out of line sleeping with any of his friends, did you think about his feelings at all? He should move on.
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 121
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Posted: 8/6/2008 12:25:08 AM
That is the reason we can not be equal with men, they can bang and bang and soon he was forgiven and his banging ways is forgotten when he change to a decent man.. But a woman who bangs any one it pleases her is down the gutter, even she change into a decent woman ,a succesful respected career woman that stigma of sl*t is in her until she die.. perhaps it has something to do with being a *wife *and a* mother*??
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