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 x_file
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 4
So many young divorcesPage 4 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
How about the fact that teenagers are horny, naive and bored.
 isspringhere
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 5
So many young divorces
Posted: 6/14/2008 5:43:32 AM
A lot of folks on here mentioned the "people don't take marriage serious anymore". That is IMO is the most accurate answer to this question. Marriage these days is becoming more and more like serious dating, if it doesn't work, you run to the next person where you "think" the grass is greener. The only difference is there's more paperwork, that's all. Marriage is only a legal matter anymore, lawyers are everywhere and make too easy. Back when I got divorced, you had to have a reason to get divorced. Now you don't even have to have that!!

This is one of many reasons I'll probably never get married again...........................
 milyn15
Joined: 11/20/2006
Msg: 6
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So many young divorces
Posted: 6/14/2008 8:13:52 AM

Then there's what is called the "5 year itch" (not like the movie the 7 Year Itch). In this case, it is common for couples to live together for a period of time before they are married. Often reasons for getting married in this case are not really substantial. When I say substantial, I mean there is an assumption that marriage will fix some existing problem in the relationship. This is where marriages tend to end early, because obviously marriage has not fixed the problem.


Might I clarify the part where you state "obviously marriage has not fixed the problem". Unfortunately, [bold] SOME [/bold] people are under the impression that good looks and great sex will fix character flaws. Thanks, mass media.
 cowtrucker
Joined: 5/20/2007
Msg: 7
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So many young divorces
Posted: 6/14/2008 4:05:31 PM
Simple... We either jump into it too fast without actually getting to know our mates, or circumstances delegate that we should get married for moral reasons...

Back long ago, life used to be much more simple, and as we evolve, things are now complicated. It takes 2.5 incomes to support a family of 3. 50 years ago, the man worked, and the woman tended house...

Counseling has also become something of disregard. It seems most people don't want to work (HARD) at something, they would rather take the easy way out. In my case, my ex used to take his frustrations from his work and daily life out on my physically. I tried and tried to stay in and make it work, but it took him putting me in the hospital from hitting me head on with my full-size 4x4 pickup, and burning my house down with me in it, to realize that it was not the best situation for me to be in. Other people have their own reasons as well. It could be their own safety or the safety of their children...

As I've gotten older, my standards, and expectations have grown. Now, as opposed to then, I've learned about myself, and what I want in my life. I've found that in thinking to myself, I now know where I want my life to be, and what I want in a mate. At this point, I do not plan on settling. I'm perfectly content with being single, until the right one comes along, as opposed to being young, and thinking I was doomed if I didn't have a partner...

CowTrucker
Chapman, Kansas
 lateef7842
Joined: 4/14/2008
Msg: 8
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So many young divorces
Posted: 6/14/2008 5:04:25 PM

"Red" states have a "divorce rate 27% higher than "Blue" states". It seems that liberals are more likely to get out of the marriage than work on it like the conservatives do.


1_blonde,
As a card carrying lefty, liberal I feel I have to correct you on this one. "Red states" are conservative states. "Blue states" are the liberal ones. Also, the highest rates of divorce are in the "bible belt." Doesn't get much more "Red" than that. Red or blue. Divorce is a sad affair whenever it happens. Let's not make this political. Just a thought.

Lateef
 mthomjmark
Joined: 2/27/2008
Msg: 9
So many young divorces
Posted: 6/14/2008 9:41:36 PM
Look at the posts; one person just posted "I'm a super smart, intelligent and sophisticated and complex woman. I am with a guy that is good looking and great with sex. But he doesn't want to work, does drugs and drinks a lot, goes to clubs with buddies and isnt very respectful. HUH? Should I be with him?

OMG. Here is a young person who is as shallow as Jessica Simpson at a spelling bee, saying how smart she is but choosing to be with a loser because he looks good and screws good? Thats dumb; not smart and not intelligent.

The biggest problem is the 20 somethings are extremely shallow. Not all of course. Because of the dot.com boom in the 90's many families have money. Todays 20 somethings are usually spoiled, party and have sex with anything that moves, and chooses mates for all the wrong reasons.

Their decisions about sex and relationships are clueless. The NIH (national institute of health) shows that 1/4 of teens has an STD. In the African American community its almost 1/2. The numbers are MUCH worse for 20 somethings because they have more partners.

In the shallow Paris Hilton society we live in, its the toys you have and how you look. Thats what makes a good mate in young peoples eyes. Thats why so many young single mothers have unprotected sex and get more kids, and they make terrible decisions.
 Lonely Chris 86
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 10
So many young divorces
Posted: 6/15/2008 12:04:08 AM
IMO.... people tend to get married before they know what they really want, or before they know the person that they are marrying. Young people especially tend to think they know EVERYTHING about everything and they cant be wrong. So when they think they know that are "in love" and nothing will go wrong, why not go for that next step? When in reality, they do it and its not all its cracked up to be. OR they married in such a quick timeframe that they do not know the person they are marrying. People (young especially) tend to not know what they want, and if they do it is likely that what they want will change before they know it.

This is all just my opinion of course, but also how I base my relationships (in a sense)... I completely and utterly refuse to get married until I feel I am ready for that commitment on my end, and my SO is ready for it as well. Im only 22 (still young I know, but doesnt feel like it sometimes) and have been ready for that next step once in my life. But of course with my luck, prior to me actually proposing, and after putting $1000 down on the ring PLUS the hotel room and horse drawn carriage ride around the city, we ended up breaking up.

A lot of my opinion is based on how I was raised and what I saw from my parents... I refuse to ever put myself into the position my parents were in, and even more so, my kids (once I have them of course!). I WILL NOT get married until I am certain that my marriage will last beyond a reasonable doubt. I know its not 100% guaranteed that it will last, but I think my chances may be better than some other people. Maybe if people thought about it more similar to how I do, the divorce rate wouldnt be as high?
 covercorner1977
Joined: 3/12/2007
Msg: 11
So many young divorces
Posted: 6/15/2008 9:22:38 AM
In my opinion, I think a main reason there are so many people getting married and divorced so young is because so many of our young people are going off to war in Iraq and they feel like they need to get married and have a baby before they leave so that have something to come home to and a child to carry on their legacy should they not come back. Just look at how many 19, 20, 21 year old kids there are in the military who are already married with kids. These young women tend to just like the way a guy looks in his uniform and when he is gone for a year to 18 months and comes home either in a body bag or with PTSD, they bail. I think this is the major reason in American society today.
 dave1234
Joined: 11/7/2004
Msg: 12
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So many young divorces
Posted: 6/15/2008 11:33:31 AM
I believe it's due to a general lack of desire for sex.

Propaganda tells us young people are having a lot of sex but are they really? Even if a person goes out every Saturday night and scores that means sex is a weekly event. If a 20-something couple lived together they would be having sex at least once a day.

We've become a society where our job and education and activities have all replaced sex. Even married couples work overtime or work and take night classes or find activities to do in the evening. It wasn't that way throughout history.

If we go back 100 years we had a couple in a room with a lantern or candle and, perhaps, a fireplace flickering. No TV, no stereo, no computer, no malls open all night....what do people think happened?

Even if we go back to the 1950s most people were at home in the evening with one TV station. People were not taking night classes at the local university or checking out the mall.

It has all changed. Sex is no longer that important which means having a partner is no longer that important. Add to that various toys and other sexual accoutrements, should the urge arise, and a partner becomes an option.

Furthermore, some studies have indicated there has been a decrease in sperm count over the last fifty years.

Looking at the profiles on here we see that activities and interests (other than sexual) are the requirements for a partner. Basically a full time friend. As activities and interests change the person is replaced by a more compatible individual. Because sex is not high on the list and because one does not usually participate in a specific activity, one which requires a partner, on a daily basis there is no requirement for a partner. Thus, divorce becomes the norm. It is not the tragedy or loss it used to be.

The idea of finding the "right one", that unique individual that stirred unbridled passion, has become obsolete. The general consensus is, "If we get along, sex will happen." What used to be the motivating factor is now relegated to a place of little importance.

So, we split up. Another golf partner will be along shortly and , if not, there's always someone up for a round of golf.

IMO, divorce is so common because the reason for getting together was nothing more than a reason for a friendship. That's why it's not unusual for divorced couples to remain friends. That's all they ever were. Friends.

When I met my partner 12 years ago I made a point of emphasizing the importance of sex. It is vital to a romantic relationship and when two people connect on that level they make sure they keep their partner.
 dave1234
Joined: 11/7/2004
Msg: 13
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So many young divorces
Posted: 6/15/2008 6:58:54 PM

(Msg 40) There is a whole LOT more to a relationship than just sex. Sure, it's important, but definitely NOT the be all end all.


As people get older they tend to forget what desire was like. Think back to how you felt about that first love. Weren't they more important to you than any "friend"? Were your thoughts centered around going to the mall with them or playing cards or going on a pik-nik OR were your thoughts consumed about wrapping your arms around them?

Today, people tend to look for a "friend" as witnessed by the profiles and that's what they end up getting, a friend. Sooner or later the reasons that brought them together change as most friendships change and they move on. There was never any passion so they really don't care. There was nothing special. Nothing soul-touching.

Sex is supposed to be the "be all and end all". That's the connection between a man and a woman. If it's just another "thing" like similar activities or similar political views then what is there to hold a couple together? They are nothing but buddies or pals.

That's why it's no big deal whan people split today. That's why it seemed like ones world was falling apart when love ended in our youth. We were passionate about our partner. Hell, today, people talk about not settling and that's exactly what they do. They pair up with a pal. The chemistry, the connection, what I call "love" is not there and the worst part of it is when it is there people deliberately go slow and try to stifle it. They kill the very ingredient that is necessary for a successful, romantic relationship and then wonder why people have affairs or make up some excuse to leave so they can find that elusive sexual connection.

Simply put, one does not leave the person they have the "hots" for. One does not mistreat the person they have the "hots" for. One does everything they can for that person so, yes, sex is the "be all and end all".

Unfortunately, couples forget that and rather than promote sexual activity they do everything to discourage or avoid it. Then they end up wondering what happened.
 SomethingManly
Joined: 4/18/2008
Msg: 14
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So many young divorces
Posted: 6/15/2008 10:53:49 PM
Are the divorce rates on the rise? Has anyone googled it...lol

If they are, then my 3 guesses as to why would be (cue the generalizations):

1) People are more selfish and materialistic than they used to be. We always think of ourselves and what we get out of it...or want something more or something better.

2) People don't put as much value into marriage and family as they used to. Some people probably say "hey, what the hell, let's do it".

3) With the whole equality, feminist movement, etc. Genders roles are upside down and sideways. Probably makes it even tougher on us now to make it work...we don't even know what we're supposed to be doing!

Before i get flamed by feminists and such...i didn't say it was a bad thing, just a possible reason.

There's also the stress of both parents HAVING TO work, instead of it being a choice (at least for most people) and what all that brings with it.
 wisguyingb
Joined: 1/5/2008
Msg: 15
So many young divorces
Posted: 6/16/2008 12:12:55 PM
20 and 30 years ago they did not have all of these glamour and cosmo magazines brainwashing women..
 Adam 4 Coffee
Joined: 5/31/2007
Msg: 16
So many young divorces
Posted: 6/16/2008 12:21:04 PM
A Lot of people make mistakes, they marry their highschool sweethearts and find out things are very differnt when you live together and want differnt thigns as you mature. Other's marry the first person they have sex with. Others make bigger mistakes and have unprotected sex and get knocked up. Its not nearly as funny as the movie was ebcuase int he movie Kcnocked up the girl was realtively wealthy and the guy was a fat, hairy, pothead loser, yet was charming. I just really get freaked out when I see a 21 year old with a kid or multiple children. Is aw this one 21 year old with 3 children the oldest one was 7. Meaning she got knocked up at 14. pretty disgusting.
 wisguyingb
Joined: 1/5/2008
Msg: 17
So many young divorces
Posted: 6/16/2008 12:38:10 PM
well he was good enough for you to marry. But I suppose you lovvvved him.
 smileee4u
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 18
So many young divorces
Posted: 6/16/2008 2:52:43 PM
The reason why there are so many divorces is because people jump into a sexual relationship too fast. This makes the relationship all about sex, giving the couple not time to "be cool around each other". This sizzles when there is no substance left, and it is usually the guy who breaks up with the "nice girl", who gives everything to him, accomodating him too much, making her life around him, waiting for him, instead of having her own life. Sex too soon usually ends a relationship sooner than if they just try to "be friends", because they lose respect for one another, and the relationship suddenly becomes "emotional", instead of rational.
 wisguyingb
Joined: 1/5/2008
Msg: 19
So many young divorces
Posted: 6/16/2008 2:58:51 PM
To the above post. Very very true. But then again, if a man try's to be respectful and gentleman like and not pursue sex with a woman, he is seen as "strange" and wierd. And many time's a woman won't stay with a man that can control his aminal instict's, and not have sex with her. Because she will feel unwanted.
 platypus_man
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 20
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So many young divorces
Posted: 6/18/2008 4:57:50 AM
Many people get married while they are still in the euphoric state of romance; as such, they do not see their potential mate for who they truly are. Then the 'rose colored glasses' fade away, all the responsibilities of marriage become a burden, and the relationship actually becomes work, which is reality. The initially euphoric high of the lustful part of the partnership is gone. People don't want reality; they want the fantasy of 'happily ever after'. When they don't get it, they want someone else to blame; that person is their spouse. Divorce. The cycle often continues; wash, rinse, repeat. For some, the highs and lows are better than the plateau of 'hum-drum marriage'.
 dave1234
Joined: 11/7/2004
Msg: 21
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So many young divorces
Posted: 6/18/2008 8:49:52 AM

(Msg 68) The reason why there are so many divorces is because people jump into a sexual relationship too fast. ....This sizzles when there is no substance left, and it is usually the guy who breaks up with the "nice girl", who gives everything to him, accomodating him too much, making her life around him, waiting for him, instead of having her own life.


Depending on the value one places on a relationship I would think it is a big part of someones life. I've never heard anyone say they left their spouse because their spouse gave too much or their spouse was too accomodating.


Sex too soon usually ends a relationship sooner than if they just try to "be friends", because they lose respect for one another, and the relationship suddenly becomes "emotional", instead of rational.


I believe a romantic relationship is supposed to be emotional. Today, people do seek a friend, a rational relationship. That's why they frequently change partners. That's what the proverbial "grass is greener" expression refers to. They have no emotional connection so their decision to end the relationship is based entirely on what's in their best interest at any specific time. Their commitment is to themselves rather than their partner.
 Maytherman
Joined: 8/13/2009
Msg: 22
So many young divorces
Posted: 9/2/2009 10:15:59 PM
seeing as how the human species isn't meant to be monogamous for 40-60 years, MIGHT have something to do with, as well as pretty much everything else that has been posted before me. when I'm ready to get married to someone, I want to do it after at least 5 years of dating, and I plan to never get divorced. It will be tough, but that is my hopeful vision.
 DeepLuv09
Joined: 7/24/2009
Msg: 23
So many young divorces
Posted: 9/2/2009 10:19:17 PM
Last year, amongst my High School class there was a "marriage wave" where 3/4 of the class (who were not married yet) got married one day after another in order to beat the age 30 deadline. I am one of the lucky few survivors, I saw girls marry guys they would never have looked at twice just because it was becoming an ananthema "not to be married by age 30". I can guarantee you that by the time we turn 40 most of those marriages will have ended up in divorce :-).
 kpooks
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 24
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So many young divorces
Posted: 9/3/2009 9:38:56 AM
Makes me sad. I don't know...short attention spans-? They're so hot because they're young.
 sireel
Joined: 11/20/2008
Msg: 25
So many young divorces
Posted: 9/7/2009 11:22:41 AM
hey, feminism is on its third wave.

and guess what they call it. LIPSTICK feminism

why ask such ridiculous questions?
 Maytherman
Joined: 8/13/2009
Msg: 26
So many young divorces
Posted: 9/7/2009 12:26:43 PM
I'd also say that with the world becoming "smaller" in a sense, is a major factor. Now days, it seems like people will not "settle" with what they have. They will always want more, and don't want to work on what they already have. If things get rough and uneasy, then it automatically wasn't meant to be. Love should be easy in the eyes of many people today. Why deal with the bad when there is someone else wanting you (who knows their motives) right around the corner and it seems like it will fix all the bad in your life? People need to really stop and think about their actions and words before they "commit" to anything.

I'd also say that some people just aren't marriage/relationship material. They don't know what it takes to have and maintain a growing relationship.
 barbee1970
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 27
So many young divorces
Posted: 9/7/2009 7:28:17 PM
I filed due to his alcoholism and abuse. No, 30 yrs ago, women just stuck with it as many were housewives. Today, more women work and they know they don't have to take it anymore from abusive men
 *topchef*
Joined: 8/2/2008
Msg: 28
So many young divorces
Posted: 9/7/2009 7:51:33 PM
There is more divorce today *period*. Why? Because women now have choices. They work, and for the most part in the west, at equal pay, they can more afford to support themselves than they did in the past. So they dont have to stay with a man and put up with any abuse, disrespect, lack of attention to their needs, slovenly behavior, alcoholic rages, rape, cheating or other BS. In the past, due to the reliance on the man's income and the lack of support services available for women in crisis, they stayed in a marriage that didnt work. Assuming it was better than being on the street with their kids and starving.

One of the problems with this is, men havent quite figured out that they need to change up their game in order to acquire and maintain a marriage/relationship worth having to women of the 21st century. They cannot be the philandering, self absorbed arses that might have been indulged in the past. Women with any self respect, expect and demand more, and for those that have evolved beyond the lifestyle of 1952, the rewards will be well worth the effort it takes to have a modern relationship. But it seems too many men want the fruits of a woman's efforts in the workplace and a full time "wife" at home looking after their needs.

Let me be clear....not ALL men are like this, but many (too many, in fact).....yet there are some men who genuinely expect a fair and equitable partnership based on love, trust, respect and mutual cooperation.
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