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 opnmydm
Joined: 3/23/2008
Msg: 55
When You Don't Try To Get Into Her PantsPage 5 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
i am that way when i am starting to get to know someone, i act like a "gentleman" and no, it is not because i am getting it someplace else. the first few dates are to get to know someone, to see if there is any chemistry. if there is and we continue to see each other.....
 crayonzz
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 56
When You Don't Try To Get Into Her Pants
Posted: 6/18/2008 5:58:04 AM
Some Fifty years, or so ago a naive young girl graduated from an Australian Catholic convent to enter university. This kids name was Germaine Greer and it’s important to clearly establish her background because her naive comments have had such a massive influence on female attitudes for the last half century.

In those days girls normally left school after year eight. They lent a hand in caring for their younger siblings, or nieces and nephews, until they were considered old enough to marry themselves.

Catholic convents, teaching senior years, existed for only three reasons.
The first was the finishing school and those of the same style. A factory to turn out suitable wives for pollies, diplomats, and industry captains.

The second reason was to keep any girls, who were already too keen on boys, well away from them till they were at least eighteen, sometimes twenty.

The final reason was as a breeding ground for the next generation of nuns.

At a sexual level these schools were not just non sexual. They were anti sexual. Not a problem if the convents were purely breeding grounds for the next generation of nuns but a disaster when the girls left to become wives and mothers. The nuns who ran then were sexually frustrated themselves, with their hormones continually on the rampage, and that frustration was often savagely unleashed, on the girls, when these rapidly maturing girls did show any interest in boyfriends.

This was the world that this child, by the name of Germaine Greer left to enter university. It was also an age where the status of women was changing. Rosie the riveter and her sisters had already proved themselves industry capable in the munitions factories during world war two.
This was the seed of the women’s lib movement which re started at the time.

This movement was something that Greer, often unintentionally, milked for all it was worth, often getting credit for advances that she had little or nothing to do with..
The sexual repression however was something that Greer vigorously rebelled against. For a decade, or two, anyway!

But there was still no way that she could go through her convent upbringing without being influenced by it. On the campus she was shocked to hear young men discussing their sex lives as casually as they discussed the footy scores.

This led Greer to come barging blindly out with one of the worst pieces of misinformation that has ever dogged, and destroyed relationships for the past half century.

“Men are a bunch of slaves to their penises and are after nothing from a relationship but a semen spittoon.”

Now any teenage kid, who is young, stupid, and thinks they know the ways of the world , will regularly drop these clangers, not just on sexual issues but on everything from politics, to money, to whatever. Most of these comments don’t go much past general conversation, and rarely beyond the conversation of young teenagers.

But for some inexplicable reason, several generations of women, with a thousand times the sexual savvy as the young Greer, have blindly swallowed this particular “penis slaves” blunder, hook line and sinker. Millions of women, worldwide, have dedicated all their efforts to providing a better semen spittoon, in an effort to make relationships work. To the total neglect of the million and one other things that also go into a successful relationship!

The voice that declared men a bunch of penis slave s wasn’t the voice of a feminist at all. It was the voice of a nun.
.
 thatswhatshesaid
Joined: 12/28/2007
Msg: 57
When You Don't Try To Get Into Her Pants
Posted: 6/18/2008 6:19:46 AM
^^^^^^pretty interessting post.
 secret_agent_thing
Joined: 3/20/2008
Msg: 58
When You Don't Try To Get Into Her Pants
Posted: 6/18/2008 7:04:19 AM
There could be a number of reasons why he isn't, the two you listed are two possibilities but to think those are the only two is kind of naive. Sometimes it's the first reason for me, sometimes it's just that I'm pretty happy with how the rest of the relationship is going that sex really isn't a factor in the beginning so I don't think about it really. Others have reasons like they want to wait till marriage and/or serious commitment. Some guys have security and trust issues so they're too timid to bring those kind of things up, let alone pressure the girl.

If you want my honest answer from my own experiences it's a combination of me wanting to wait until there is some kind of commitment in place and the fact I'd like to consider myself a gentlemen about it and find trying to pressure a girl into sex to be kinda rude.
 WesL
Joined: 10/28/2007
Msg: 59
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When You Don't Try To Get Into Her Pants
Posted: 6/18/2008 9:40:53 AM
Stupid point here... why as a society have we got to the point where by x amount of dates we need to have sex? Why can't it just happen in a passionate moment when both people feel the urge that they like this other person so much that they want to let them have something they they deny to 99.9999% of the world population?

Just a thought.
 borntoski683
Joined: 4/28/2008
Msg: 60
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When You Don't Try To Get Into Her Pants
Posted: 6/18/2008 4:17:57 PM
I don't ever put pressure for sex. If she wants it and is giving signals, and I want it too, then it will just happen. If she is the kind of girl that is waiting for me to put pressure in order to make it happen (which is actually a lot of you girls!), then it probably doesn't happen and maybe she is wondering the same thing you are wondering right now. ha ha...
 mthomjmark
Joined: 2/27/2008
Msg: 65
When You Don't Try To Get Into Her Pants
Posted: 6/23/2008 11:34:45 AM
I can't speak for other men but I dont jump in bed with any woman. I dont want a woman that has had a lot of hands on her and I also want to make sure its going somewhere.

Many men I'm sure want that. Again, its per person.
 rdcnorm
Joined: 3/7/2007
Msg: 66
When You Don't Try To Get Into Her Pants
Posted: 6/23/2008 3:22:12 PM

When you're dating a woman and not putting pressure on her for sex, is it because you're being a gentleman or because you're getting it somewhere else?

I see no reason to pressure a woman in to doing anything, sex included,, at my age I would think a woman is mature enough to know what she wants, sex included,, and with who she wants sex from.. Therefore it's a mutual discussion ,, because that discussion would come up knowing me and who I am.. If It were her who initiated sex,, still a discussion would have to happen,, it may be a shot one,, but everyone needs to be on the same page,, and take responsibility,, if one person feels a little stronger about the other,, no assumptions will ever be made by me. By communication each others intents,, I know dam well you won't be reading about me in the forum,, he used me for sex,, ... I don't think it has anything to do with being a gentlemen,, just communication..

As for getting sex else where,, that could happen,, because you never mentioned,, a exclusive relationship.. therefore sex else where is always an option.. as a note, dating to me does not mean commitment,, exclusive,, means commitment to me,, with a very good possibility of long term...
 LancsLad83
Joined: 5/5/2008
Msg: 67
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When You Don't Try To Get Into Her Pants
Posted: 6/24/2008 7:44:17 PM
I beleive in getting to know someone properly before taking things further. Some women think it is because I am seeing someone else and some seem fine with it
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 68
When You Don't Try To Get Into Her Pants
Posted: 7/16/2008 10:56:18 AM
There are so many answers to this question. It depends on the guy, it depends on the woman, it depends on the chemistry, it depends on their previous relationships.

For instance, I don't put pressure on the woman to have sex, yet in most relationships that I've been, we had sex by the third date.
 antonioIII
Joined: 4/22/2008
Msg: 69
When You Don't Try To Get Into Her Pants
Posted: 7/16/2008 10:58:59 AM
every so often i meet a girl that gets me to feel a certain way. That feeling causes me to not care if i get laid or not period. I just genuinely enjoy her company, and that in itself is more than satisfying.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 72
When You Don't Try To Get Into Her Pants
Posted: 7/16/2008 3:14:29 PM
I wouldn't consider NOT pressuing a woman for sex ("Please, Please, Please, Please...") is something that qualifies being a standard gentleman. I would say that's just part of the fundamental basics of not looking pathetic.

If you're wondering why a guy is too shy when it comes to 'rounding the bases', it could be a multitude of things, which you'll have to judge by other means. He could have a girlfriend/ex-girlfriend that he's juggling, and he wants to chill, so he sees taking it up with a woman who takes things slow is a good bet. However, there is such a thing as a SHY GUY, if he reads that you're the kind of woman who isn't ready for it and say "HELLLL NO!". Some guys, not even born-shy ones will want you to open up before briskly rounding bases.
 WpgGentleman2
Joined: 6/19/2008
Msg: 74
When You Don't Try To Get Into Her Pants
Posted: 7/16/2008 6:28:08 PM
You're over 40. You're in an age group where, generally speaking, women want sex more than the men. The gap will widen until you get to about age 60.

One of my old friends is a physician who does a lot of counseling. He told me that men not making the move is pretty much the number one complaint women over 40 who are dating.

Viagra and Cialis artificially enhance the ability to have sex, but as we get older our desires go down and we are better able to control them.

It is what women always wanted us to do, and we are finally able to do it: appreciate them for their personalities and minds, not their bodies.
 ExtraNiceGuy
Joined: 3/17/2006
Msg: 75
When You Don't Try To Get Into Her Pants
Posted: 7/20/2008 7:03:35 AM
For me, it's because I'm simply not the kind of guy that thinks of sex as the end-all, be-all of human existance. To quote Jay and Silent Bob from Clerks,"What's a good plate with nothing on it?"
 MinnesotaMan123
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 76
When You Don't Try To Get Into Her Pants
Posted: 7/20/2008 8:01:40 AM
It could be for a variety of resons. It all depends on the situation. If the chemistry is there, and both parties are for it I say do it! But typically it's taboo to do it on the first date...I've done both, waited and just jumped in. If you want sex, just ask...If he makes you wait too long, just move on...
 sleepless in barrie
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 78
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When You Don't Try To Get Into Her Pants
Posted: 7/20/2008 1:49:39 PM
Contrary to the injured woman's belief there are nice guys out there and some of them even have a brain. I agree with Mr. Happy pants.....

Things work both ways......I've been in situations where the guy thinks its the end all and wants to move forward at warp speed.....talking future and marriage....hmmm not a good thing with all women...at least not with me.....not after a month of "dating".....whoahh Nelly!!!!!! but on the other hand after two years of dating......if there isn't a spark or urge to walk down the aisle....simply slip out the back door....why waste your time?......a little off topic but just sparked some thoughts about what he said when women have sex and expect a relationship or marriage.....

Everyone is different..........
 Greyfeld
Joined: 1/11/2007
Msg: 79
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When You Don't Try To Get Into Her Pants
Posted: 7/20/2008 2:03:57 PM

When you're dating a woman and not putting pressure on her for sex, is it because you're being a gentleman or because you're getting it somewhere else?


Heaven forbid a man should go against the stereotype of being a ****-driven sex hound. Because something must be wrong if he's not trying to rip your pants off, right?

 scorpiomover
Joined: 4/19/2007
Msg: 81
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When You Don't Try To Get Into Her Pants
Posted: 7/20/2008 6:05:46 PM

I only date 1 woman at a time, so it's not because I'm getting it anywhere else. I've never put pressure on a woman for sex, but I've noticed that saying no on the first date usually leads to having pressure put on me on the second date.
Damn! That explains a LOT! I always thought it was better to wait until the 3rd date. Could I be wrong?

Because of this, I would think a woman might want a guy to show a desire for her, even if she has no intention of sleeping with him anytime soon.
What about "no means no"? I know a lot of women who had sex only because the guy pressured her into it. Am I expected to try it on with her, and then expect her to fight me off? If she isn't that strong in herself to push me off, am I expected to assume she "wanted it"? No wonder so many men are called perverts.

I think I'll stick to my way, although maybe I'll say something in future, to the effect that I'd like sex to be there at some point in the dating process.

Personally, I cannot believe that women need to be told. All my friends can tell if I fancy a woman, way before I know. The "smarter sex"? Women pick up on signals more than men do? What is it? Is that because women are more emotional than men, that if they like you, they get so emotional they cannot tell, but if they don't like you, they don't and can read you like a book? What's up with that?
 aSydneyMale
Joined: 5/16/2006
Msg: 82
When You Don't Try To Get Into Her Pants
Posted: 7/20/2008 11:13:44 PM
The only expectation I have is good company and a good time if we've gotten to the stage where we feel comfortable meeting. If the chemistry's there, then things evolve naturally in that direction.

If there is no chemistry we'll most likely just be friends. I've made friends with a lot of great women that way.

Being stupid, and trying to force things that simply aren't there by pressuring a woman to have sex with you, is a sure-fire way to achieve the opposite.
 Riley_88
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 83
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When You Don't Try To Get Into Her Pants
Posted: 7/21/2008 4:36:51 AM
what is wrong with respecting women?

seriously would you prefer we all were getting some elsewhere just so you could be right?

doesnt mean i dont want anything from you, far far from it but can you blame me for trying to get to know someone?
 pokerjimmy
Joined: 11/10/2006
Msg: 89
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When You Don't Try To Get Into Her Pants
Posted: 7/21/2008 10:14:56 AM
I think eventually men grow up and learn to never pressure a woman for sex.

Sex is part of a relationship and is always right when it's right for both parties.

If a man's getting it "some place else" He's not being honest with the relationship and probably should be with"some place else"
 Sentinel83
Joined: 1/27/2008
Msg: 91
When You Don't Try To Get Into Her Pants
Posted: 7/21/2008 7:57:04 PM
I've never been in a relationship, but I can tell you when I put no pressure on a woman for sex, it's because I'd rather save myself for marriage.
 whothehellknows
Joined: 7/23/2006
Msg: 92
When You Don't Try To Get Into Her Pants
Posted: 7/21/2008 8:03:44 PM

When you're dating a woman and not putting pressure on her for sex, is it because you're being a gentleman or because you're getting it somewhere else?


Could be just a gentleman, but most women would never believe it. If you don't try then they think you are getting laid elsewhere, gay, asexual or who knows what. Thinking a guy is a gentleman is way down the list.

Could be he just likes your company and enjoys the time spent together without the added complications of a intimate relationship.
 roger lee
Joined: 4/17/2008
Msg: 95
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When You Don't Try To Get Into Her Pants
Posted: 7/22/2008 3:33:14 PM
Years ago, I was told that I should treat a woman I date the same way that I would want a 'date' to treat my sister. This bit of advice may sound trite and simplistic, but it has worked for me & one thing I know any of my former girlfriends must admit is that I never tried to force them to do anything that they did not want.
 STH III
Joined: 6/5/2008
Msg: 99
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When You Don't Try To Get Into Her Pants
Posted: 8/10/2008 5:44:59 PM
probably do not want to scare her off, some women hate it when you hit on them too quickly and others want you to. You have to play it by ear.
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