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 HarleyKat~
Joined: 3/30/2008
Msg: 217
I was told I am a bad mother because I smoke marijuana.Page 5 of 24    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24)
OK...if the OP is NOT a troll....I am undecided on that one...could just be a "Florence (KY), Ya' All" sort of thing! LOL

Anyway...lemme tell you a quick story. My daughter opened a bedroom window to air out a floor she had just mopped with bleach. She left for a few minutes and in that short time, my (then) 3 year old grandson fell out the window when he leaned against the screen. When we were at the ER, the Doctor took myself, my daughter, and her BF aside to talk to us. He insisted that he smelled marijuana on us, and was planning to report us to DFS. I was FURIOUS...partly because I DO NOT smoke pot...and partly because I had just commented to my daughter how the cheap cigarettes she was smoking, smelled similar to weed! But I also understood that it was HIS JOB...his responsibility. So I offered to have every one of us drug tested, right then and there. At this point, it was time for my grandson to be released, and we would have had to check ourselves back into the ER waiting list, individually for the tests. So we did not.

Because my daughter and grandson lived with me at the time...DFS came to MY house. In the long run...everything was fine, nothing was substantiated, we all passed drug tests, etc...but let me tell you...IT WAS PURE HELL...to go through. In my 25 years of raising four children, I NEVER had something so humiliating and frustrating and insulting, occur! AND WE HAD NOT SMOKED POT. I can only imagine if, something happened to your daughter...not because you were stoned...not because of negligence...but because THINGS HAPPEN to kids. Things happen to GOOD parents.

At the time DFS was investigating...my daughter actually had to sign over temporary guardianship to me. It was that, or he would be removed from the home! No matter how close your ex and you are...no matter how smooth things are with you NOW...let me tell you, you DON'T want to add fuel to the possibility of him gaining full custody in the future. And you don't want your daughter to go through the trauma of a DFS investigation!

"It won't happen to me!" Ha! Ha, Ha! My daughter said the same thing!
 Sharzi
Joined: 10/6/2007
Msg: 218
I was told I am a bad mother because I smoke marijuana.
Posted: 6/19/2008 6:40:41 AM
mthomjmark.....

I tried to email you privately, but you're not accepting msgs from someone of my age and you have one other restriction too. Just wanted to tell you that I just love your posts on the message boards! You have a great no-nonsense approach and it's all common sense.

Just wanted to say I agree with just about everything you said in msg 65.

Sharzi
 mr.amoree
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 223
I was told I am a bad mother because I smoke marijuana.
Posted: 6/19/2008 7:17:52 AM
how about this one... using drugs.....IT'S UNAMERICAN.

drugs come into this country and are bought and used by idiot americans.
that drug money sometimes goes to the enemies of america to help bring us down.
it's bad enough we're getting gouged on gas by oil cartels, speculators and others that will bring our economy to it's knees. but we need gas, we don't need dope or dopers. these wastoids are also funding terrorism in some cases. yes, any mother using illegal drugs like marijuana is a bad mother.
 Ferruginous
Joined: 5/12/2008
Msg: 228
I was told I am a bad mother because I smoke marijuana.
Posted: 6/19/2008 7:55:56 AM
Occassionally you'll see an adult reminisce back to their childhood, and wish that certain things about that childhood would have been different.

I've known of many people who grew up in homes where substance abuse was common (either alcohol, or pot, or something else) who will occassionally make comments that they wished their parents had spent more time with them as children, and less time engaged in their "bad habits".

I have never heard of anyone look back on their upbringing, and wished their parents would have spent more time drunk or stoned.



Maybe some of the people, who are posting here to defend marijuana use, or to argue the pros & cons of marijuana use, are completely missing the point of this thread?
This woman has a young child.
Whether or not you agree with the legality or marijuana use, is less relevant than the fact that this person seems to prefer to indulge in her "habit", rather than tend to the parenting of the young child in her custody.

If she was happilly living a slacker lifestyle, by herself with no dependants, I couldn't give a shit whether or not she smokes dope several times a week. But knowing that she's a parent of a 6 year, it concerns me.
I suppose that if a slacker, with no family responsibilities who lives in a van by the river, wants to make drug use the most important thing in his life, that's his own decsion.
But, the parent of a 6 year old has to realise that the 6 year old is the primary responsibility in her life. Getting stoned all the time is a lifestyle you should leave behind once you assume the responsibilities of child-raising.
 migivadamsbusted
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 229
I was told I am a bad mother because I smoke marijuana.
Posted: 6/19/2008 7:58:54 AM
bad laws make criminals out of innocent people?! What a load of crap!!! people are suppose to know right from wrong and hopefully make right choices. innocent people are smart enough not to become criminals.
 yourburnindesire
Joined: 3/11/2008
Msg: 231
I was told I am a bad mother because I smoke marijuana.
Posted: 6/19/2008 8:18:59 AM
its better than drinking!i dont think there has ever been a death or overdose from it.--you cant even say that about aspirin.
 Scott_In_Tulsa
Joined: 4/1/2007
Msg: 232
I was told I am a bad mother because I smoke marijuana.
Posted: 6/19/2008 8:19:59 AM
First off i too am pro-legalization and i partake on occasion. I'm also a single parent as well. However i also realize that i am partaking of an illegal intoxicant. This has many ramifications and risks. It's an adult choice and requires adult consideration.

Pot does different things to different people, but it does do something to everyone who uses it, or they wouldn't bother. The thing is, does using it result in a lower quality of care for your child ? Either because you're too stoned to clean the house, color with them or whatever, or because as one person suggested, you're spending their college fund on pot ? If you can smoke pot AND handle life's business, then I dont' see a problem here. Unfortunately many people can't and that's a problem.

Next comes the legal aspects. Pot is illegal. Possession and use of pot is a crime. Committing a crime carries with it the risk of arrest and prosecution. If you get busted, you will have to deal with the legal hassles. That will detract from your ability to parent. This is a big risk you take.

The employment aspect is another thing to consider, can you get a good paying job that doesn't want you to pass a drug screening ? It's possible, but the odds are against you.

How do you and your ex get along ? Is there the possibility of him using your drug usage against you in a custody battle ?

With all this in mind, it boils down to whether or not the kid suffers because you smoke. If you can honestly say no, then go ahead and smoke until the answer becomes yes. But once you hit the yes, you have to stop. It's that simple.

Also consider it from a relationship angle, only someone who's pot friendly is going to make a good match for you. The problem with this is not all drug users are good catches. While there are plenty of losers who don't use drugs, there's even more who do. An idiot pot head boyfriend will get you busted even quicker then you'll get yourself busted.

It's a tight rope you're walking. If you can handle it, more power to you. If not , then remember that there is a time and place for everything and while you are parenting may not be the time or place for pot.

There's also the example factor to consider, if your kids know you smoke then that tells them it's ok to smoke. Teenagers don't have the mental discipline to handle drug usage and life's demands as well as adults should be able to. You may be doing them a big dis-service.

You can always just quit until they're 18 and then smoke yourself to oblivion on their 18th birthday

I can go on, but i think my point is clear here, only you know if you can handle both properly. Parenting your child is the most important task you have right now, even more important then finding a date. If pot interferes in that task, then it's got to go.

When i was 17 and tried pot, i fell in love with it. But i also promised myself if it ever cost me more then i wanted to pay (financially, family wise, career wise, etc) then it and i would have to part ways.
 HarleyKat~
Joined: 3/30/2008
Msg: 233
I was told I am a bad mother because I smoke marijuana.
Posted: 6/19/2008 8:37:50 AM
Scott in Tulsa...this is perhaps one of the most fair and reasonable posts on this thread....especially since it is coming from someone who admits to smoking pot. :)


i think women who smoke cigarettes are bad mothers as well. awful example you are setting. your kid is going to be curious, when you say, "dont smoke because it's really bad for you" they aren't going to listen.


LMAO...otay! And you say this as a parent or as a child who went through this?? My children were exposed to my smoking cigarettes. They also saw me quit each time I became pregnant, each time I was breastfeeding, and the times I quit just because it was my time to do so. When my son got caught with cigarettes, he was made to smoke an entire pack, one after the other, in front of me. Did he question WHY it was ok for me, but not for him? NO. Because it was not LEGAL for him to be buying or smoking them and he knew it. (And no...he did not smoke MINE.) But most importantly, we are human. We make wrong choices for ourselves. Just because I choose something wrong for me, does not mean it's "ok" for my children. If you want to lump cigarette smokers into this category, then you should also lump in social drinkers, over eaters, lack of exercisers, drivers who speed, parents who use a sick day for personal reasons, etc.

Regarding all the things said about pot not being addictive, not being mind altering, etc...18 years ago, I was engaged to marry a man I was with for 2.5 years. He was a pot smoker, which I accepted because he was respectful about not smoking it around me, not having it at my home, in my car, etc... There was a dry spell where he could not get any of his precious weed for 2 weeks...and I saw a completely different side of this person...and realized I was marrying someone based on their pot personality, and not his real personality. I am so sick of hearing from adults who smoke the crap, say how it does not impair them in any way, it does nothing more than mellow them out. If that were the case, then WHY is it needed??
 migivadamsbusted
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 234
Alternative lifestyles
Posted: 6/19/2008 8:44:14 AM
instead why don't I fart in a can put the lid on it then take a match to it then tell ya what I think about it...at least its legal!
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 236
Alternative lifestyles
Posted: 6/19/2008 9:48:42 AM
The OP has left the building! Maybe CPS payed her a visit? or maybe the ex? or maybe she finally realized it wasn't very bright putting her picture in a profile and posting a thread about her addiction to MJ. Go figure. Carry on!!
 forum101
Joined: 2/5/2008
Msg: 238
view profile
History
Alternative lifestyles
Posted: 6/19/2008 11:30:44 AM
Im with Dallas on this. You could lose your child over this. Your ex, has enough ammo, just from this forum post alone, to take that child from you. legally. Your teaching your daughter to respect the environment, but not the law.
Oh, and the antibiotic thing, I would hope if your child had an infection, you would see to it that she was properly treated. Lose innocent ear infections, can lead to total hearing loss, those eye infections, can lead to blindness, and so on and so on. but, I'm just a nurse and single parent of 4. what do i know?
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 239
I was told I am a bad mother because I smoke marijuana.
Posted: 6/19/2008 12:12:40 PM
Anyone who knowingly breaks the law is not innocent............


Neither is anyone who breaks the law in ignorance of it. The fact that you didn't know what you were doing is legal cannot be used as a defense.


if the laws are bad try to change the law....but in the mean time when one knowingly breaks that law it makes it criminal...............I dont agree with every law on the books...but I'm adverse to going to jail for breaking them so till they change I will abide by them............


Ever taken a prescription drug that was prescribed for someone else (like your SO) to avoid paying for a visit to the doctor and/or paying for something you already have? If so, you just might be a federal criminal. It doesn't matter if you didn't know it was illegal. You would still be a criminal, albeit one who wasn't caught breaking the law. You ought to check out your local statutes on the kinds of chemicals you can own without the presumption of intent to manfufacture based on merely owning them (or being in a place where all of them are stored.) You might be surprised on what you can be presumed of doing with some rather ordinary items.
 HarleyKat~
Joined: 3/30/2008
Msg: 240
I was told I am a bad mother because I smoke marijuana.
Posted: 6/19/2008 1:51:28 PM
Oh puh-lease, Scruff! It's not like she did not ASK for opinions, first of all.

Secondly...her OP was a little on the strange side with her descriptives of WHY she is a "good mother!" I mean...so you let your kid roll around in poison ivy cause they're not allergic to it?! Ah...yeah...so...???

The majority of replies here that were less than supportive of her personal choices, were actually pretty tame.
 migivadamsbusted
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 241
I was told I am a bad mother because I smoke marijuana.
Posted: 6/19/2008 2:10:31 PM
opie got on here and wanted to know what other people thought, and she got we she asked for...if you can't take the forum heat get out of the forum kitchen and you can even take my can with ya!
 guys4theforums
Joined: 6/9/2008
Msg: 242
I was told I am a bad mother because I smoke marijuana.
Posted: 6/19/2008 2:13:50 PM
The way I view it is like this. Getting totally stoned out of your mind would not be any worse than getting totally drunk with your child around. I don't see it as drinking a beer as if your wanted to sneek a couple puff's.. Each to their own. I think this world we live in has too many rules. They say America is "The land of the free. I say it's "The land of "You follow our rules or go to jail"
I say each to their own. Smoking too many cigarettes in the company of your child isn't always the best for an infants lungs.
 flyonthewall!
Joined: 3/31/2008
Msg: 243
I was told I am a bad mother because I smoke marijuana.
Posted: 6/19/2008 2:16:50 PM

Her choice her rights?? I guess we should of removed her abilty to choose also what the heck was everyone thinking.


Nope. She's doing something that's illegal. If the father wants, he can probably go to court and take custody of the kids away from her -- at least he could in the US. If her child's school catches on, they could call in social services.

Sure, everyone has "choices". You can drive drunk, do drugs, hold up a bank, but if you do those things you're going to be held accoutable.

My vote is for crappy mother. I sure wouldn't date someone who did drugs, whether or not they were a parent.
 migivadamsbusted
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 244
I was told I am a bad mother because I smoke marijuana.
Posted: 6/19/2008 2:18:58 PM
by the looks of you...you already opened the can...
 HarleyKat~
Joined: 3/30/2008
Msg: 245
I was told I am a bad mother because I smoke marijuana.
Posted: 6/19/2008 2:21:41 PM
Oh puh-lease, Scruff...again! LOL Seriously...was there anything here about her being a single 'rent...other than the risks she might be bringing on herself, in a potential custody or DFS case?

I know Imma the last one to slam a young, single momma, dude! I am almost 42...with four ADULT children...and a grandson. LOL No single momma bashin' here!
 SandyB1957
Joined: 7/22/2007
Msg: 246
Alternative lifestyles
Posted: 6/19/2008 2:27:29 PM
Bad mother I dont think so but I do have to agree with the the fact that it is illegal and what happens to your daughter if you are arrested she goes to her dads all the time and u only have a few hour visit with her a week? You miss her when she is gone the one day aweek Think what could happen and ask yourself how that might effect your daughter. Just my thoughts on it
 JDamien
Joined: 4/28/2006
Msg: 251
I was told I am a bad mother because I smoke marijuana.
Posted: 6/19/2008 4:15:45 PM
I wouldnt worry too much about it Dusty, judging from what you say on your profile if that is your everyday life then pay no attention to what narrowminded people say. If all you say in the forum thread is how you really relate to your daughter then there is nothing at all wrong with your smoking Marijuana as long as your not trying to teach her that its the right thing to do, If your not then you have done and are doing nothing wrong in my opinion and for what its worth I for one would be happy to know you. The people who judge you to be of a lower quality just because you smoke arent the people who are worth having in your life anyway.

Best of luck here and I hope you find someone who wont judge you on this and if you feel like having someone to chat with about life feel free to drop me a line.

James
 forum101
Joined: 2/5/2008
Msg: 255
view profile
History
I was told I am a bad mother because I smoke marijuana.
Posted: 6/19/2008 8:13:56 PM
some of you people are totally clueless when it comes to parenting. I do not want anyone with marijuana or any type of illegal drug around my children. I do not associate with that type of person. She may be a fantastic mother, but the fact is, smoking dope is illegal. You can argue all you want, it is still illegal. Daddy should come and get the child. Every child deserves to grow up in a drug free home. Not with a parent trying to escape from reality with drugs. What will Mom rationalize as being alright next? cocaine, meth, heroin? People arguing the use of marijuana are full of it. Learn to live by the rules, that were created for everyone's safety. They arent made to single you out and make you have a bad day. The fact is she is doing something illegal and could very well go to jail, and lose her child. Since when is that being a good parent? How OK is that? get real, just because some of you responders are smoking it, it doesnt make it alright.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 256
Alternative lifestyles
Posted: 6/19/2008 9:41:26 PM

Bad mother I dont think so but I do have to agree with the the fact that it is illegal and what happens to your daughter if you are arrested she goes to her dads all the time and u only have a few hour visit with her a week? You miss her when she is gone the one day aweek


Has it occurred to anyone that the OP is not talking about having a trunkload of pot? Does anyone know of a place in the U.S., Canada or the E.U. where prison time is given for possession of a small amount (say 1 oz.)

It's also not necessarily reason for cps to remove your kids:

http://www.cognitiveliberty.org/dll/marijuana_mother.htm

-------

Although I stopped doing this sort of thing over 20 years ago, I have no issue being around people who still do. I'll take the chance on being arrested. If tax dollars go toward prosecution, maybe breaking the bank is what it will take before people decide what really ought to be a criminal offense and what is personal liberty.
 HarleyKat~
Joined: 3/30/2008
Msg: 257
Alternative lifestyles
Posted: 6/19/2008 9:51:20 PM
^^Dunno all the legalities on quantities and such...but my daughter was at risk for losing her child for being SUSPECTED OF SMOKING POT. Period.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 259
I was told I am a bad mother because I smoke marijuana.
Posted: 6/19/2008 9:58:50 PM

^^^^^bornagainslim...........so as a parent yourself, you're supporting and condoning a parent who breaks the law, puts herself at risk of being arrested, who wastes money on drugs that she could be using for something like her daughter's college education, who puts herself at risk of having her child taken away from her..


If you want to make ``wasting money on drugs that...'' a reason to remove kids from their homes, then make sure to include alcohol and nicotine. Both are drugs and both are more dangerous than pot from a pharmacological standpoint. How about caffiene? At what point do you think the state should butt out and leave raising kids to their parents? Let me guess - at the point you would be in jeopardy of losing your kids because someone else had a different idea of what constitutes a good parent. Don't be in such a hurry to give away your parental rights.


parent who puts herself at risk of being under the influence such that should an emergency present itself with her child, she might not be with it enough to react or she might be too afraid to call an ambulance because she's afraid of being busted?


In other words, you can't actually present an argument without inventing it. For example, not calling an ambulance in an emergency WOULD indicate a person is a bad mother. Exactly where did the OP say she would not call an ambulance in an emergency? That might be how you would act, but not everyone thinks like you do.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 260
I was told I am a bad mother because I smoke marijuana.
Posted: 6/19/2008 10:02:46 PM

some of you people are totally clueless when it comes to parenting. I do not want anyone with marijuana or any type of illegal drug around my children. I do not associate with that type of person.

Then don't associate with that type of person.

She may be a fantastic mother, but the fact is, smoking dope is illegal.


Then obviously you thik it's possible to be a fantastic mother and smoke pot, which answers the actual question posed by the OP.
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