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 Westlin
Joined: 1/3/2006
Msg: 14
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Where has all the romance gone??Page 2 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
I agree, there seems to be little romance in dating today. Maybe I am silly, but the little things are what make me sit up and take notice. When a guy buys me a rose (just one will do, it can be from grocery store for a couple of dollars) and gives it to me when I'm not expecting it (for no reason). When he calls just to say he was thinking about me....things like that make all the difference. Maybe its just that the world today moves so fast that people don't have (or make) the time for romance (and that goes for girls as well as guys). Romance is a major part of dating for me.
 Sunshine-99
Joined: 7/14/2006
Msg: 17
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Where has all the romance gone??
Posted: 6/19/2008 4:25:48 PM
Our society definitely turned into a fast-paced, immediate-gratification culture with little patience and high, unrealistic expectations. Romance is very much a lost art but I am sure that there are some romantics around somewhere - but it beats the hell outta me.
 Knight.of.castles
Joined: 12/12/2007
Msg: 19
Where has all the romance gone??
Posted: 6/19/2008 4:48:53 PM
I'm not in a position to sermonize, personally. Maybe modern convenience is the bane. Doesn't everyone know the platitudes about delight in garden-fresh vegetables, or baked-from-scratch bread? It just takes work.

"That sucks!"

I suppose it does, too. (But Simon didn't say not to 'suck.') I wish I'd a beautiful, vast, uncharted land, a new lover, to explore and explore with, like Vespucci, or Lewis & Clark.
 sandi97801
Joined: 6/14/2008
Msg: 23
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Where has all the romance gone??
Posted: 6/19/2008 7:43:11 PM
The last guy I dated always opened doors for me. I could have done it myself but I liked the fact that he did this. I would never have allowed this just a couple of years ago...I was too intent on being independent. I've realized that having a guy open the door for me does not make me less independent. It feels kinda nice. I told him that I liked the fact that he opened doors for me and I always told him thank you. You must reinforce the behavior that you want in a person.....say thank you.
 Sharzi
Joined: 10/6/2007
Msg: 27
Where has all the romance gone??
Posted: 6/20/2008 4:31:55 PM
OP ... sadly, with advent of the internet and it's growth, came the opportunity for one person to talk to multiple "possibilities" in one day, and they can meet said prospects quickly, do a once over, feel them out to see if there's a chance they might get laid, and if not (or if they do manage to get lucky), they can move on just as quickly.

No dinner, no candy or flowers, no waste of their evening, no real money spent, and they could potentially meet several people like that in one week.

Personally, I wouldn't want someone to spend a ton of money on me on a first date, but it sure would be sweet for someone to show up with just one of my favorite flowers. One guy did something I will never forget.... he found out what my favorite flower was and showed up with an artificial one. When he presented it, he said, "I couldn't find the real thing and even if I could, it would never in a million years compare to your beauty."

Ok, it seemed cheesy, but I'll never forget it, or him. There have been first dates (with no following date) that I've forgotten pretty quickly.

One guy brought me a tiny little bud vase with some hand picked flowers from his garden. Then he said, "You know, flowers die, and I know where you can get replacements for those." Then he winked. Another I won't forget.

I've had some very romantic first dates with guys, but they are very few and far between. I don't need huge or expensive things to feel romance. Just a little creativity can work wonders. Unfortunately, most men can't be bothered.

Now that said, a woman can be romantic too. It's not always up to the guy.

Sharzi
 locallygrown
Joined: 5/25/2008
Msg: 34
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Where has all the romance gone??
Posted: 6/21/2008 6:53:56 AM
Look ive never heard of this kind of custom and im an African.You belong to the majority of those who always have to bash Africa inorder to Lift themselves from their own miserly.Poor Africa if you only want toknow the true meaning of miserly visit www Western world.
 locallygrown
Joined: 5/25/2008
Msg: 35
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Where has all the romance gone??
Posted: 6/21/2008 7:05:59 AM
Im writng in response to Baldyisbeutiful and please there is no tribe known as zoula but then again i guess you dont care i bet you were talking about the Zulus
 Sharzi
Joined: 10/6/2007
Msg: 36
Where has all the romance gone??
Posted: 6/21/2008 1:33:09 PM
Extraordinarymen....

Oh please tell me you did learn from your dad and you do follow in his footsteps. It would be so nice to know there are still men out there like that!! Your father sounds like a sweetheart. :)

I agree with you that romance really has nothing to do with things. There are women who believe gifts and flowers, money spent, are what romance is all about. But give me the guy who mouths from across a room, "I love you," and my knees would be jelly. A guy who holds my hand like he'll never let it go.... winks at me in the middle of a conversation with his buddies just so I know that I'm still in his mind even if he's talking about sports.... to see that beaming smile when he sees me.... OMG... there is NOTHING like those little things. You can keep the diamonds, keep the expensive dinners and grandstanding gestures. Those little things are what romance really is all about.

If my man did for me what father did for your mother.... he'd be one very happy man when I 'thanked' him later!

Sharzi
 Sharzi
Joined: 10/6/2007
Msg: 37
Where has all the romance gone??
Posted: 6/21/2008 1:51:00 PM
ceeceekitty....

I agree that the women's movement had nothing to do with it. I remember when my pay was 1/3 the men who did the very same job I did. I busted my tail and my paychecks were a pittance. I remember the day when a woman would be raped and the system blamed it on her wearing a short skirt or a top that was too low cut.... I know this firsthand. I remember a time when a girl wasn't allowed to take shop in school or was steered away from math and science and pushed into art or business classes. I had a guidance counselor tell me, "Well, if you get married after high school, you won't need that and since your a girl, if you do work after you graduate, you'll probably be a nurse, secretary or teacher".... hence the reason I am not doing in life what I really wanted to.

My grandmother fought for equality back in the day when women were treated like nothing more than possessions. She was proud to have bought her own home at a time when women wouldn't have dared. She was proud that she was able to make a difference in life. And proud of me that I fought for equal pay, for equal treatment in the court system... for equal treatment as an equal human being. AND, I never in my life made a man feel less than a man. I still liked being treated like a lady even if some of my counterparts were taking it to extremes. I am not in favor of blurring the lines between the genders.

I still like a man to be a man.... proud, strong, in charge. But, I want him to acknowledge my feelings or thoughts and take those into consideration. I like my doors opened for me, but sometimes I'll hold the door for him too. I like a man to take me out for dinner, but there will be times when it's on me too. But with me, he will always know he's the man... and I'd never emasculate him or make him feel any less male. I'd want him to be romantic and for that, he would know how grateful I am for the effort.

There is a balance that can make each gender happy. The key is, stop thinking me, me, me, and start being a little more selfless. In doing so, we all find that spreading that kind of karma around will only come back to us tenfold.

For the guys, there is a book I highly recommend. I think it's called 1001 ways to be romantic. Some ways are a little more extravegant, but others are simple. If you ask me, the small romantic gestures are far more memorable.

Sharzi
 Sharzi
Joined: 10/6/2007
Msg: 39
Where has all the romance gone??
Posted: 6/23/2008 3:15:36 AM
I don't think there will ever be real equality just as prejudice will never be abolished. But I'm happy as a pig in s**t that my hard work is rewarded the same way it is for the men who work with me. I'm happy as hell that if a woman is raped, she isn't made to feel that she deserved it. Girls can take shop in school, play "real" sports, contribute in ways that make them happy and not pigeonholed into roles society believed they should be.

I don't know any woman who is upset if a man opens a door for her. I know no woman who doesn't like a man to romance her (which is what this thread is about). Do those sweet little things for a woman and I would assume most would be very happy that someone actually put out a little effort.

I'm just tired of men making excuses not to be romantic because of a movement that happened decades ago. I think it's more laziness if either gender can't put out effort to nurture something good or to make someone happy that they claim to love or care about.

Sharzi
 mcbobly
Joined: 8/28/2005
Msg: 42
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Where has all the romance gone??
Posted: 6/23/2008 8:56:25 AM

there is a new word for romance, its called stalking. the only difference is 2-5 for good behavior.
used to be if a guy really liked a gal, he followed her around until she gave him her phone number, then he waited near her house, jumped out and branished a handful of daisies. then shyly asked "do you like me?" yes or no, he still waited under her window to sing her songs at midnight, sent her messages and flowers to her work. gave her little gifts, champaign, roses, jewelry, dinners, long walks. and couldnt live without her, called her constantly to profess his undying love. followed her around like a lost puppydog. she loved it! as she exclaimed to her friends: "wow a man who truely loves me"
-now that kind of attention can get you arrested and labeled a stalker

That pretty much sums it up, now days so many people are living in a fast paced gotta hurry up and find the right one for me sort of lifestyle that romance is falling by the wayside. It's let's meet for coffee and if I actually "like you" then we can take it from there, if not then move along, I don't have time to waste on you as there are so many others I am hoping to meet and see if we "like" each other. Kind of a real let down now days too, real shame.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 43
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Where has all the romance gone??
Posted: 6/23/2008 9:15:47 AM
Most relationships fail romantically because they rarely are given a chance to develop before jumping in the sack. We ladies are just as guilty, if you expect romance first you'll probably get it and weed out some bad apples in the interim.
 blueangel1023
Joined: 11/23/2006
Msg: 45
Where has all the romance gone??
Posted: 6/23/2008 10:48:56 AM

Most relationships fail romantically because they rarely are given a chance to develop before jumping in the sack. We ladies are just as guilty, if you expect romance first you'll probably get it and weed out some bad apples in the interim.


I totally agree. Sure every women wants Prince Charming, but how far would that go? Over time some woman find that too cheesy or eventually they tire of it and think it's borderline clingy having someone call you 3x a day. Most often or not, guys WILL charm their way into jumping in the sack with you...and sadly, once they get "nookie" there's no more time for being charming. They already got what they wanted. Wham, bam, and thank u maam...or the thanks will be skipped followed by excessive snoring. These days in age, women are more liberated. They believe in paying for part of their meals and they don't need anyone to tell them what to do. If you're looking for the romantic type, and he's just not cutting it for you then move on. There's plenty of fishes in the sea and believe it or not there are some romantic guys. They're just a 'rare' type of species
 mthomjmark
Joined: 2/27/2008
Msg: 49
Where has all the romance gone??
Posted: 6/23/2008 11:46:11 AM
Because the girls gone wild generation has taken over.
sex is a toy now for younger people and when they get older they are set in their ways. Look at all the one night stands, FWB, and how many people cheat. They want sex and not romance. Then in the end they realize how empty it is and they are hurt and messed up.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 50
Where has all the romance gone??
Posted: 6/23/2008 12:15:55 PM
There is only one thing to be said to a man who opens/holds the the door for you.
It's "Thank you!"

I don't think romance has gone missing, but looking back over a few years of being back in the dating pool, I'm afraid it's been my observation that you are more apt to find "romance" with a "non internet" guy.
No, I'm not saying that all men using internet dating sites are unromantic,instant gratification type guys,but you have to admit that the internet is conducive to that mindset. To be fair, the internet also seems inviting to the woman with an 8 mile long list of required attributes. There's nothing wrong with having standards, but there's also the issue of "pricing yourself out of the market".

In many ways, people( men mostly, I don't make a habit of dating women) seem to see the internet as the dive bar pickup joint of the 21st century. All you can do is keep sorting and weeding those out,and for Heaven's sake do not let the internet be your only venue for seeking romance partners!
Cindy O
 DLo!
Joined: 4/23/2008
Msg: 51
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Where has all the romance gone??
Posted: 6/23/2008 12:35:21 PM
Romantic people are still around! These people are romantic to the people they are interested in Some people just don't have it in them at all though... maybe never taught?...can someone be taught romance?? nahhhhhh
 mikethree
Joined: 3/3/2008
Msg: 52
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Where has all the romance gone??
Posted: 6/23/2008 12:49:33 PM
Kudos to the women in this thread who did not place all of the blame on men. It's painfully obvious in this and in other discussions that we are all crazy and confused. : ) lol
Seriously, we each have such wildly differing ideas about what exactly is romance, what is appropriate or desirable and what is abhorrent. It becomes such a lottery to try to meet someone who has the same ideas about these things as you do.
It is not just us men that have abandoned romance. It is our society in general. The short attention spans and unrealistic expectations combined with almost limitless opportunities to move on to the next one and hope they get it "right". Besides being jaded and overstimulated, we have too many options and too many influences on our standards of behavior.
I'm 32 now, and the romantic efforts of my early twenties, if repeated today, would be considered to be overzealous and cheesy by most women that I meet now. Back then, I was big into wooing. I was creative and had an endless supply of "grand gestures" to demonstrate how much enamoured I was with the object of my affections. Sometimes it would have the desired effect, and sometimes too much enthusiasm would scare her away. I think unfortunately that the latter is almost universal among women ( of my age group) today.
While I'm searching for my forever girl, I'm meeting many women at this point in my life. And the women I'm meeting, are meeting many, many, many interested men. ( As an aside, a girl I met on this site tells me that she dates four new men every single week from here. Who needs "speed dating" when you're screening that many applicants already? lol)
These women often seem to laugh at and condescend to the men who try to be "romantic" in the traditional sense. They tell me the stories and sort of smirk about these guys. The message that I'm getting is that those guys appear needy, submissive or without options.
I guess I'm kind of being long-winded here. The point is that mixed signals are flooding in to both genders about what they should strive to be and also what they should want their partner to be. Many of the things we want are contradictory and therefore impossible from the same source. When a new date inevitably fails to be everything all at once, it is all too easy to skip the getting to know one another and just move on. Today, all of us, but women especially have an endless supply of new potential suitors.
Romance is the opposite of this quick paced dating world. Romance is slow. Weeks of talking before even thinking about getting busy, handholding tingles because it's the most contact that you've been getting. Maybe part of that is having less options and more flexible standards. Not giving ourselves the option of moving on before really putting some effort in.
Maybe we all need to try to reverse the effects that our media and fast paced lifestyles are having on our dating lives. If you're willing to try so am I.
So this presents a convenient opportunity to invite any sweet, intelligent, Philly area women to stop by my profile....
 Sharzi
Joined: 10/6/2007
Msg: 53
Where has all the romance gone??
Posted: 6/23/2008 3:05:30 PM
FishOwl...

She was so rude, and she had it coming that you did what you did. I can't for the life of me understand people like that.

Gloria had the right idea and then things went terribly awry. What we were supposed to be fighting for got all mixed up in some women's idea of what equality was.... and it sure wasn't everyones. I don't want to be a man... don't want to be treated like one. I like my man to wear the pants, but I want to be respect for being a human being and no less deserving than anyone else.

There are definitely different types of people. I know some women who are demanding, selfish, ****y, and manipulative. A lot of really great guys tend to go for that type and women like me are shaking our heads and wondering why.

By the same token, I know men who are con men, players, manipulative, angry and controlling. I cannot for the life of me understand why any woman would be interested in someone like that.

But, sometimes those types of people are very good at hiding those traits until they've got you hooked. Then, the writing is on the wall.

If you want someone romanceable, look for the one who truly deserves it. And if you want to be romanced, be the kind of person your partner can't imagine being without.

Effort has to come from both sides, or it simply won't work.

Sharzi
 Sharzi
Joined: 10/6/2007
Msg: 55
Where has all the romance gone??
Posted: 6/23/2008 6:12:02 PM
john.duke12 wrote:

******Whats the most romantic thing a woman has done for a man? Most would say sex. ******

Then that woman is not a romantic and has no idea what romance really is.

I think sometimes a romantic woman scares a man, but if a man is open to it and he's romantic too... wow!

I'm a romantic by nature. I make the extra effort. But, I'm not just like that with a special man in my life. I make an effort with everyone in my life. It's all about making the people around me happy... and that makes me very happy.

I think most people have to sort of make a mental list of what they are really looking for. If you're looking for someone who will adore you enough to put out the effort, you have to choose the right kind of person. If you're looking for the perfect body, a face that models are made of, or someone who's the bad boy or bad girl... I doubt you're going to find that sort of devotion.

Sharzi
 Droleci
Joined: 4/21/2004
Msg: 58
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Where has all the romance gone??
Posted: 7/26/2008 9:29:33 PM
<--- waiting patiently for a gal that wants him to be romantic.

Honestly, I'm all for the wooing... the patience... the slow and steady building...

Just show sustained interest in me, don't freak out after you've met me, and give me some reason to hope things could go somewhere.

:)
 Droleci
Joined: 4/21/2004
Msg: 59
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Where has all the romance gone??
Posted: 7/26/2008 9:40:01 PM

There is a balance that can make each gender happy. The key is, stop thinking me, me, me, and start being a little more selfless. In doing so, we all find that spreading that kind of karma around will only come back to us tenfold.


Indeed there is a balance that is needed. For some, it is be more selfless, and for others more SELFISH.

Cause get too far down the selfless tree and you get deemed a "doormat"...

But there is a balance that needs to be found...
 Dynamic0003
Joined: 6/28/2008
Msg: 60
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Where has all the romance gone??
Posted: 8/15/2008 9:38:23 AM
To Caligirl, I respect what you are saying about the dating scene, and in my opinion,
being part of "Women's Liberation," is a ruination of allowing men to be romantic
with women, as women keep fighting for independence. I agree independence is
fabulous in work, not to be needy in relationships, we should allow love and
romance to evolve in our lives. The hardest job in the world is being a Real Woman.
Both men and women should allow balance and romance in their lives, to bring
romance back. Sometimes the good-old-fashioned days were fabulous!
 flyingiguana
Joined: 3/4/2008
Msg: 62
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Where has all the romance gone??
Posted: 8/15/2008 8:18:02 PM
hmmm. guess i should be more romantic and send virtual roses with each msg. that good enough?
 techgirl27
Joined: 9/5/2005
Msg: 63
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Where has all the romance gone??
Posted: 8/28/2008 8:46:53 PM
Wow this thread is OOOOOLD but I guess I will try to "revive" it before I try a new one.

What happened to romance? I think people are so protective of themselves that it stops them from any enjoyment.
 musicianfriend
Joined: 7/23/2007
Msg: 64
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Where has all the romance gone??
Posted: 8/28/2008 8:53:17 PM
women control the morality of the land...

When the women started sleeping around on first dates....living with one guy one month ....then another the next month...

thats when it all started..

Men just dont have to try very hard anymore....women are too easy..

BUT: when he wants to settle down....he will look for a girl like you..

I dont like the new ways at all!!
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