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 thatswhatshesaid
Joined: 12/28/2007
Msg: 67
How much is enough???Page 2 of 12    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)
The OP also wrote:

80% of you are probably willing to go into debt for your hd lcd 52 inch blah blah blah television.. why not do it for the woman you love....


And you shouldn't marry that type of guy either. Imagine what going into debt right off the bat is going to do to your relationship, especially if an unplanned kid comes along.

And frankly, if they guy makes 10,000/month, it's even sillier to spend 20k or 30k on a stupid ring just because he can "afford it." You can buy land for that amount of money, or invest in a fund for retirement, get a REALLY great first house.

The fact is, at every income level, there are budgetary restrictions and past the sentimental value of a ring, there just isn't any value in the object itself.

IN THE END, YOU ARE BOTH PAYING FOR IT ANYWAY
 BaldyisBeautiful
Joined: 3/28/2008
Msg: 68
How much is enough???
Posted: 6/20/2008 6:30:07 PM

80% of you are probably willing to go into debt for your hd lcd 52 inch blah blah blah television.. why not do it for the woman you love....

Can I just buy HER the tv, then we could both be happy ... better yet instead of a ring can't we just both go out together and buy $10,000 worth of bondage equipment and sex toys?
 thatswhatshesaid
Joined: 12/28/2007
Msg: 70
How much is enough???
Posted: 6/20/2008 6:53:07 PM

Can I just buy HER the tv, then we could both be happy ...


That sounds way more sensible. She could wear the remote around her neck on a chain and get you the universal remote for your b-day.
 thatswhatshesaid
Joined: 12/28/2007
Msg: 72
How much is enough???
Posted: 6/20/2008 7:23:42 PM

Back in my mother's day, it wasn't uncommon for a woman to not receive an engagement ring at all due to money being tight. Her and my father were married and had very simple bands. Later, he had the money to buy her jewelry, but it's not like she would consider leaving him due to a lack of jewelry.


Exactly. And after being together and building a life, on a special anniversary to celebrate 20, 30 50 years of prosperity, he might whip out a diamond after all the kids are in college and the house is paid for.

My mom and dad got their silver wedding bands in Mexico for 5 bucks. Now the kids, they were much more expensive.
 SpiceyCougar
Joined: 4/29/2008
Msg: 73
How much is enough???
Posted: 6/20/2008 8:26:42 PM

SpicyCougar: Much like someone who wanted to enter a horse and carriage in a drag race, you do what you want to, but you will probably be unhappy with the results. As beautiful a stone as an Emerald is, it's just not suitable for daily wear... and I'm operating on the assumption that you would want to wear your wedding ring every day. Might I suggest Tsavorite, or Green Sapphire? Tsavorite is a variety of Garnet almost exactly the same shade as an Emerald, it's more durable, and less expensive to replace when you do chip or crack it, which is almost inevitable. A Green Sapphire the right shade would probably be a synthetic, but with exceptional durability, and even cheaper.


NO... yiou might NOT suggest something other than what I have asked for. You, much like the gold digging women here who think a $5000 ring is the only way to go, have again missed the point as to WHY I want an emerald.

Let me explain again... please read it a bit slower so you don't miss it...

The emerald is the stone of Aphrodite. Aphrodite is the Greek Goddess of Love and Passion. I want the emerald... which is a symbol of the Goddess of love and Passion. It is not the shade of the emerald I am looking for... nor is it the dorability.... it is the symbol of the Goddess of love and Passion.

Let me say it one more time..... The emerald is the stone of Aphrodite.... Goddess of Love and Passion. I want THAT symbolizing the way I feel about my man and how he feels about me.

Again.... what the ring represents is MUCH more imortant to me than the ring itself!


I'm operating on the assumption that you would want to wear your wedding ring every day.


Hmmmmm.... you assumed that I wanted the Emerald for its shade... dispite the reason I have given.... and now you assume I will wear it all the time, everyday.

I do many things where rings get in the way. I love to wear rings. Lots of them. They hurt my fingers when I am lifting weights or cooking or cross stitching. I usually only wear my rings when I know I will not be doing any of those things.

You need to stop assuming why someone wants what they want and read the reason they have given you instead.

Oh.... and if you have anything else to add as to why someone should bye a diamond....


I have a question... is the ring worth more if more people died to get you that Diamond from Africa? ie: people forced to work in labor camps mining the diamonds you want your "possible' future husband to spend is hard earned 3+months salary on? It is a valid question. As if you look at where most Diamonds come from/came from and how they came to be on rings in your country you'll understand, your not only putting a dollar amount on your "LOVE" but you've also financed the slave labor mostlikely used to get you that Diamond you think you so deserve so that you can equate it with his love for you.


Definately another reason to look for something else!
 thatswhatshesaid
Joined: 12/28/2007
Msg: 75
How much is enough???
Posted: 6/20/2008 10:02:27 PM
Luke,

Despite the obvious pitfalls you listed, this is quite common, especially in a city where real estate is expensive, (until recently) it appreciates pretty fast and both the woman and man have a decent income, but maybe not enough of a downpayment to buy a nice place on their own. If you split payments, split expenses, then decide to break up, you sell the place, that's all. If the market sux, you rent it.

Many people are opting to do this instead of marriage. In a way, it makes more sense to enter into a clearly defined business/living arrangement than a marriage with very amorphously defined rules and expectations. Also, no unfair alimony and all that if you split, just aquire an asset together and if the relationship flounders, sell and split your communal asset.

Though I agree, in your 20s it is a silly idea and neither person can afford it long term, nor can they really commit to staying with that person or even in one place because of school, opportunities starting a career. Once you're in your 30s, paying ridiculously high rent in the city with money piling up in your checking account from the good job you finally landed after all that school, a screwed up stock market and a partner with the same predicament, it won't seem so crazy to buy a place together.

I know two couple who have done this and, ironically, each couple contains a lawyer.

(They are NOT the type of people who waste money on 30k rings or 52 inch tvs though. That's what you do in your 20s, I guess)
 thatswhatshesaid
Joined: 12/28/2007
Msg: 78
How much is enough???
Posted: 6/20/2008 10:25:38 PM
Sadly (for me) I am a lawyer and I would much rather buy a house with someone than get married. As a guy who anticipates (hypothetically) bangin' his secretary when his woman comes home, think of this; in divorce court you're the adulterer in that scenario. If you're married and have to divorce, the judge might make a morality award. If you're business partners and you are disolving your relationship because your woman found you banging your secretary, you sell the house and split it, no alimony, no extra money prizes to the wife because she caught you in bed with another woman.

Marriage is also a contract. And one a lot less clearly defined than a real estate contract. Though I agree its a pain to move out after a break up, but its an even bigger pain if you're married and you break up.
 thatswhatshesaid
Joined: 12/28/2007
Msg: 80
How much is enough???
Posted: 6/20/2008 10:35:51 PM
Oh, now I get it! This that you're doing now is "just dating" but when you get married, that will last for ever.

You know what I think? I think you're a big romantic deep down!

Actually, you and lucretia make a nice couple, come to think of it. She has a good head on her shoulders for practical things, while you're the down on one knee, whirlwind romance type.

I'm calling it a night, so I'll leave you two alone now =)
 SpiritGael1
Joined: 4/2/2007
Msg: 82
How much is enough???
Posted: 6/21/2008 1:57:48 AM
For you ? Probably there is no limit - nothing will ever be enough. There's an answer for your mother.
 sxyvirgo
Joined: 7/26/2006
Msg: 83
How much is enough???
Posted: 6/21/2008 5:09:54 AM
One point so many are missing is that the "right" amount isn't the same for everyone...hence why it's based on salary! Get it! - it's not just $100 or $1000 or $10000 regardless of what you can afford. No woman in her right man asks a man to spend more than he can afford..

Symbolically, the ring is supposed to be an assurance that the guy cares enough to have made sacrifices to save a little money back...and to show that he has the resources to be married and start a family. Traditionally, women didn't have the means to give such a gift - their gift is the unpaid work and devotion they will give in the marriage to care for the family.

You can disagree whether that's something that makes sense in this society....and you can disagree on just how many months salary it "should" be (1, 2, 3, 6.....)...but when you have a decent job and spend less on a lifelong gift to a loved one than you would on a toy for yourself you are damned straight that it reflects on your values.

Jeez - women are gold diggers these days if they even allow you to pick up a check!
 LoonyTunz
Joined: 8/11/2006
Msg: 85
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History
How much is enough???
Posted: 6/21/2008 9:16:49 AM

One point so many are missing is that the "right" amount isn't the same for everyone...hence why it's based on salary! Get it! - it's not just $100 or $1000 or $10000 regardless of what you can afford. No woman in her right man asks a man to spend more than he can afford..

Wrong, my gf's do not even LIKE $25K rings, and would think me stupid for spending that much on one. When I could get something they like for much less and put the remainder into a boat, a pool or a home which we could both enjoy together and build more memories with for years to come.
It is based on salary solely because De Beers wants a bigger slice of your pie.
 Barry1919
Joined: 11/21/2007
Msg: 87
How much is enough???
Posted: 6/21/2008 10:40:43 AM
I say you buy a ring at all until 5 yrs together. Then you know she's a keeper. Why blow your money for something that may not last. Plus you give her a 5K ring, what do you get?
 GreenEyedGal87
Joined: 6/24/2007
Msg: 95
How much is enough???
Posted: 6/21/2008 4:30:28 PM
I guess it depends on the guy. Being a girl that doesn't really like huge rings, just a simple band would work for me...which would probably work to be somewhere 2 and 3 months salary....I've seen people spend 1 month's salary...I've seen people that spend 5 month's salary on a ring for that Special person.

I don't think it's right to say "if you love them it doesn't matter." I know the girls out there would maybe bring a smile if a guy handed them a ring from a 25 cent machine, but would wonder if they were serious. Money is just a material possesion, but in this day, it also unfortunately shows people what you're "worth." It boils down to a complete understand between the two people, I guess is what I'm trying to say.
-Lauren
 crayonzz
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 97
How much is enough???
Posted: 6/21/2008 4:39:05 PM
Right then folks.
He's supposed to spend three months salary on a ring.

How many months salary is the girl supposed to have saved, for the home mortgage deposit by the time they get engaged. Rembering too that she will be the onehanging onto the home after the divorce.

I hear regular grizzling about men not pulling thier weight on the domestic scene. But I see no sisgn of women pulling their weight on the financial scene.
 xeot
Joined: 10/25/2007
Msg: 102
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History
How much is enough???
Posted: 6/21/2008 5:42:43 PM

If a woman DEMANDS you spend at least XXXX on a ring, run like hell.


This prove-your-love by buying stuff thing strikes me as that the man is employing the woman and paying her to be with him. If he can't meet her price she leaves to find a better 'job'.

That isn't the kind of relationship I'd want.
 John_Mon
Joined: 4/30/2008
Msg: 105
How much is enough???
Posted: 6/21/2008 8:25:39 PM
Its not every guy that buys those stuff..what about the guy that doesnt?..and its not about showing her she "means more to him" than those toys or whatever you are talking about..buying an expensive ring..or one that is more expensive than those "toys" you are talking about does NOT in any way shape or form necessarily means that you mean more to him..a ring is just a ring..you cant you the "quality" of a ring or its "worth" to judge how much you mean to someone..o i'm not sure what you are trying to get across with that analogy..

I never said I did. It was a gauge between the nessesary non-physical stuff in a relationship and the un-nessesary stuff(ie:things) in a relationship. The cost of a ring I believe should be right in the middle of those. IE: If a jet ski was my most expensive un-nessesary possesion, and I was going out with my friends to the lake that day without her; I wouldn't want my wife kissing me goodbye knowing I spent more money on a toy like that then on one of the physical symbols of my Love for her. If one thinks she won't think about things like that. Think again. Right or wrong, they will think about it.
 SpiceyCougar
Joined: 4/29/2008
Msg: 115
How much is enough???
Posted: 6/22/2008 8:50:56 AM

3,000 is about right. I mean your girl is gonna be flashing that thing to all her girlfriends and you want to give her something to show off right?


Uhm....

Aren't YOU something enough to be shown off?

Do you want your woman proud of a shiny ring? Or of a beautiful fiancee who is madly in love with her?

I know *I* would prefer showing off a man who can't stop kissing me.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 120
How much is enough???
Posted: 6/22/2008 2:25:02 PM

I'm sorry if your white car has a flat tire and you can't afford a nice ring either but don't knock on us for being able to spend good money on our woman.


I don't think it's the cost per se. It's the expectation, a priori. If an engagement ring means anything at all beyond a material possession, a woman should expect nothing and a guy should go out of his way to give her the nicest ring he can. Putting a price on an engagement ring as a condition for getting engaged would be an indication that I'm marrying the wrong person, no matter how easily I could pay the price.
 opnmydm
Joined: 3/23/2008
Msg: 121
How much is enough???
Posted: 6/22/2008 4:45:20 PM
why does it even have to be a diamond? who started this? the diamond industry, wedding rings can be of any stone or stones of ones choice and price should never reflect someones love for another. if you dont buy me an 8,000 ring im not marrying you.....don't let the door hit you in the azz
 YingKissesYang
Joined: 5/12/2005
Msg: 122
view profile
History
How much is enough???
Posted: 6/22/2008 5:09:47 PM
said I wouldn't want an $800 dollar ring last time
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
That's understandable from a woman with good common sense. Why spend $800 on something only worth $200 that might go down the toilet, literally? How's about a nice $500 ring, and the cash starts your kids college fund?

Or check Ebay, I think you could find 1000's of identical rings for 50% less than a jewelry store.
 thatswhatshesaid
Joined: 12/28/2007
Msg: 125
How much is enough???
Posted: 6/22/2008 5:54:58 PM
Brandii
Now as for someone saying that because I'm 25 $800 is a lot of money well obviously your not from where I am... I am from Calgary Alberta and we happen to be a very rich city... most guys my age are working in the oil and gas industry and making more money than you could imagine... and like spending it! Now I DO NOT seek out these guys but normally there the kind of guys that I end up dating...


It sure sounds like you're assuming your more-than-$800 dollar ring is coming from one of these guys.


it's bad because there always out of town..


however, it doesn't sound like these oil guys who are always out of town are really in ring buying mode. They seem to be in travel, adventure, have fun at the clubs mode.


but either way I think generalizing that because I'm only 25 that I should be happy with an $800 ring is ridiculous. Maybe that's why I think it is such a low ball number because I see guys spend that in one night at the club.


Even if you marry a guy who is making a big salary in the oil biz, those highly demanding jobs don't have a lot of security and have a high burn out rate (precisely because they hire people from other parts of the country). Even if you're making huge money, it's not the age to waste it on rings and 9,000 52" plasma TVs and 800 dollars a night at the clubs.


Maybe that's the whole I reason I think that it is such a low number is because of how rich m y city is all together... I mean it's cost $400 a month to park downtown ( it's more expensive to park in Calgary then it is to park in Paris)


My point exactly, your "rich city" is expensive, as is mine. I grew up in Vegas, I live in Boston now. I've seen plenty of people make huge money...and spend it all. When the job dries up, they've got nothing to show for it. If that's the kind of guy you want for you and your daughter, the kind that spends money like its water to make a good impression on you and your friends, keep looking for that expensive ring instead of a guy who'll invest in your relationship.

So, just because you (and by you, I mean your future husband) have a good salary at 25 doesn't mean you're rich. An $800 ring is a loving gesture as far as I'm concerned, and a 5,000 dollar ring might follow on your 20th aniversary, after you've really built something together, your daughter is in college and your mortgage is covered.
 borntoski683
Joined: 4/28/2008
Msg: 127
view profile
History
How much is enough???
Posted: 6/22/2008 8:47:59 PM
Well, how can you put ANY amount of money on the notion of valuing someone you love? You either love each other or you don't and if you do...the ring don't matter. could be a year's salary or 10 cents and it will not matter at all. You will both just be excited at the prospect of spending the rest of your lives together (knock on wood). How can you put a price tag on that? Anyone who is worried so much about the price of a ring is in fact mostly worried about what her friends will think. There is no question in my mind about that. But then again, maybe there is something to that. If a guy really loves a woman, then wouldn't he want to make sure that she can stand tall in front of the other women friends and display her ring? Sure, makes sense.....I'd do that and more for someone I love. But likewise, if a woman really loves a man, wouldn't she want to help him be financially responsible?

it does seem mighty silly that the diamond industry has effected our sense of reason in these things to the point that it has really come to this. I mean two months salary is a significant amount of money for a lot of people. I can tell you my 2 month salary is a good deal more than $800 and I can think of a lot smarter ways to spend the money.

It takes a lot of time to save up that much money. For a lot of people it would pay off a credit card debt that has been plaguing them for years, etc.. Personally, I think the girls need to get over this who-has-the-biggest-rock mentality and think a bit more practically about the long term future.
 Sardonis
Joined: 9/28/2007
Msg: 128
How much is enough???
Posted: 6/23/2008 4:19:06 AM
3 months wages? LOL...What happened to two months wages? You know what, **** all that shit. Get the **** outta here!

I'm not buying an over priced polished rock pulled from the earth by little enslaved African children. A rock whose supply is manipulated by a cartel to drive up price. A cartel which uses clever marketing to convince women to think diamonds mean anything.

WTF is a diamond anyways. "Oh, it sparkles!" Are people that stupid?

And I don't want to be with a woman who thinks a sparkly thing she wears on her finger is worth $5000 or whatever ridiculously marked up price that they go for.

If she wants that she can buy it herself. If she expects me to buy it for her, then she has another thing coming.
 thatswhatshesaid
Joined: 12/28/2007
Msg: 136
How much is enough???
Posted: 6/23/2008 10:46:11 AM

...but if the man loves her enough he will put his finances aside and save to get her a fabulous ring....


People don't "save up" in the modern world. If they want to get married, it has to happen NOW in a frenzy of passionate consumption. In most cases, he's not saving up, he's going in to debt, you're marrying that debt, and the big screen TV debt, and all the credit card debt from his 800 dollars a night out in the clubs to impress you, which made you think he was so wealthy in the first place.
 sn1ckerz
Joined: 9/4/2007
Msg: 138
How much is enough???
Posted: 6/23/2008 9:21:45 PM
Think of this, with todays world and the high rate of failed marraiges, why chance it! LOL
but seriously, I hear it was around 2 or 3 months salary also.
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