Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
Show ALL Forums  > Ask A Guy  >      Home login  
Joined: 3/23/2008
Msg: 121
How much is enough???Page 6 of 12    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)
why does it even have to be a diamond? who started this? the diamond industry, wedding rings can be of any stone or stones of ones choice and price should never reflect someones love for another. if you dont buy me an 8,000 ring im not marrying you.....don't let the door hit you in the azz
Joined: 5/12/2005
Msg: 122
view profile
How much is enough???
Posted: 6/22/2008 5:09:47 PM
said I wouldn't want an $800 dollar ring last time
That's understandable from a woman with good common sense. Why spend $800 on something only worth $200 that might go down the toilet, literally? How's about a nice $500 ring, and the cash starts your kids college fund?

Or check Ebay, I think you could find 1000's of identical rings for 50% less than a jewelry store.
Joined: 12/28/2007
Msg: 125
How much is enough???
Posted: 6/22/2008 5:54:58 PM
Now as for someone saying that because I'm 25 $800 is a lot of money well obviously your not from where I am... I am from Calgary Alberta and we happen to be a very rich city... most guys my age are working in the oil and gas industry and making more money than you could imagine... and like spending it! Now I DO NOT seek out these guys but normally there the kind of guys that I end up dating...

It sure sounds like you're assuming your more-than-$800 dollar ring is coming from one of these guys.

it's bad because there always out of town..

however, it doesn't sound like these oil guys who are always out of town are really in ring buying mode. They seem to be in travel, adventure, have fun at the clubs mode.

but either way I think generalizing that because I'm only 25 that I should be happy with an $800 ring is ridiculous. Maybe that's why I think it is such a low ball number because I see guys spend that in one night at the club.

Even if you marry a guy who is making a big salary in the oil biz, those highly demanding jobs don't have a lot of security and have a high burn out rate (precisely because they hire people from other parts of the country). Even if you're making huge money, it's not the age to waste it on rings and 9,000 52" plasma TVs and 800 dollars a night at the clubs.

Maybe that's the whole I reason I think that it is such a low number is because of how rich m y city is all together... I mean it's cost $400 a month to park downtown ( it's more expensive to park in Calgary then it is to park in Paris)

My point exactly, your "rich city" is expensive, as is mine. I grew up in Vegas, I live in Boston now. I've seen plenty of people make huge money...and spend it all. When the job dries up, they've got nothing to show for it. If that's the kind of guy you want for you and your daughter, the kind that spends money like its water to make a good impression on you and your friends, keep looking for that expensive ring instead of a guy who'll invest in your relationship.

So, just because you (and by you, I mean your future husband) have a good salary at 25 doesn't mean you're rich. An $800 ring is a loving gesture as far as I'm concerned, and a 5,000 dollar ring might follow on your 20th aniversary, after you've really built something together, your daughter is in college and your mortgage is covered.
Joined: 4/28/2008
Msg: 127
view profile
How much is enough???
Posted: 6/22/2008 8:47:59 PM
Well, how can you put ANY amount of money on the notion of valuing someone you love? You either love each other or you don't and if you do...the ring don't matter. could be a year's salary or 10 cents and it will not matter at all. You will both just be excited at the prospect of spending the rest of your lives together (knock on wood). How can you put a price tag on that? Anyone who is worried so much about the price of a ring is in fact mostly worried about what her friends will think. There is no question in my mind about that. But then again, maybe there is something to that. If a guy really loves a woman, then wouldn't he want to make sure that she can stand tall in front of the other women friends and display her ring? Sure, makes sense.....I'd do that and more for someone I love. But likewise, if a woman really loves a man, wouldn't she want to help him be financially responsible?

it does seem mighty silly that the diamond industry has effected our sense of reason in these things to the point that it has really come to this. I mean two months salary is a significant amount of money for a lot of people. I can tell you my 2 month salary is a good deal more than $800 and I can think of a lot smarter ways to spend the money.

It takes a lot of time to save up that much money. For a lot of people it would pay off a credit card debt that has been plaguing them for years, etc.. Personally, I think the girls need to get over this who-has-the-biggest-rock mentality and think a bit more practically about the long term future.
Joined: 12/28/2007
Msg: 136
How much is enough???
Posted: 6/23/2008 10:46:11 AM

...but if the man loves her enough he will put his finances aside and save to get her a fabulous ring....

People don't "save up" in the modern world. If they want to get married, it has to happen NOW in a frenzy of passionate consumption. In most cases, he's not saving up, he's going in to debt, you're marrying that debt, and the big screen TV debt, and all the credit card debt from his 800 dollars a night out in the clubs to impress you, which made you think he was so wealthy in the first place.
Joined: 9/4/2007
Msg: 138
How much is enough???
Posted: 6/23/2008 9:21:45 PM
Think of this, with todays world and the high rate of failed marraiges, why chance it! LOL
but seriously, I hear it was around 2 or 3 months salary also.
Joined: 10/25/2007
Msg: 139
view profile
How much is enough???
Posted: 6/23/2008 10:18:34 PM

he's not saving up, he's going in to debt, you're marrying that debt, and the big screen TV debt, and all the credit card debt from his 800 dollars a night out in the clubs to impress you, which made you think he was so wealthy in the first place.

Meanwhile, the guy who saves and lives within his means is considered undesirable and cheap. actually, it's worse than that... the guy who merely makes half an effort not to be wasteful is considered undesirable and cheap.

I won't forget a woman who considered me cheap because I didn't want to take a cab to go a handful of blocks downtown.... It's just bogglesome to me not to walk anything that's under a mile.
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 141
How much is enough???
Posted: 6/24/2008 4:42:23 AM
With todays divorce rate and the ease of getting a divorce..............she's gonna have to be happy with one of those Zerconium rings or whatever they are or she can walk. No way in hell am I gonna spend that much money on something that isn't gonna matter after the wedding anyway. A ring is just like anything else. You buy something nice and expensive such as a car, high def tv, house, etc. The excitement is there when you first buy it but after a while it wears off. So.................................what's the f*ckin point????
Joined: 12/28/2007
Msg: 143
How much is enough???
Posted: 6/24/2008 9:15:26 AM

On the one hand, the OP makes a VERY GOOD point: love is important in a marriage, but love doesn't pay the mortgage. You can't stuff a love note from your SO into the electricity bill envelope and expect them to accept it in lieu of cash. You have to at least be capable of handling FORESEEABLE expenses.

On the other hand, I think starting off a marriage in hock is a really, really Bad idea. I like the idea of exchanging really cheap rings right off the bat, then splurging at some significant anniversary, long after all the start-up costs are a bad memory.

You would be surprised how many women would agree with you. Of course the ones who don't would complain or call you cheap, and that leaves a much stronger impression than women who silently assent to saving money. It's the squeaky wheel getting the attention, and all guys are left thinking their women want them bankrupt, when it's only a few who do.

I think this misunderstanding or wrong assumptions that some men have about women leads to most of the hostility and bad feelings that usually get posted on this board. There are many discussions about how to pick up girls, what's the right thing to say, are girls more attractive with blonde hair, brown, fatter, thinner, whatever. But the main factor for long term compatibility, in my opinion, is attitudes towards money.

It's very hard to scan a room full of girls and pick out the one who believes in saving and not wasting money, but guys should know there is a HUGE variety of attitudes in women about these issues, not just, "get a guy, spend his money," so why not pick up a Suzy Orman book and carry it around the bar with you. See what the ladies think about that, and you're likely to find the girl of your dreams.
Joined: 12/28/2007
Msg: 146
How much is enough???
Posted: 6/24/2008 12:31:12 PM
Whoever you like is great. Just open up the discussion and see who you're marrying (before you get your expensive martini thrown on you for proposing with an inadequate diamond)
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 148
How much is enough???
Posted: 6/24/2008 4:43:15 PM

you guys are all going mental about this.. no one ever said anything about turning someone down because the ring didn't cost a certain amount... maybe you need to go back to the initial question.. which was what is the proper amount to spend..

What you are asking is going to create those type of replies because there is NO right answer. The ``proper amount'' depnds upon the personalities and circumstances of the two people involved. There are lots of wrong answers though. One is to look on the internet for expert advice from someone with a vested interest in how much you spend. Another is to ask a bunch of people people who have been divorced, especially those divorced more than once, since their judgement obviously didn't help them much. Another is to go searching for a divine ruling that has the virtue of being so obvious that no one could possibly disagree. I think the main point here is that a guy ought to do something to make his fiance feel special and his fiancee ought to try and appreciate the effort he put into what he did. If a guy spends $20,000.00 on a ring because he can afford to throw that kind of money away, but buys it as an afterthought on his way home from playing golf, will you feel special?
Joined: 4/29/2008
Msg: 150
How much is enough???
Posted: 6/24/2008 8:37:25 PM

This is why I cringed when SpicyCougar insisted that only an Emerald would do... and a Tanzanite (as beautiful a stone as that is) is only slightly more durable.

You just don't get it do you?

It's what the ring represents that is more important to me. Whether it was worn everyday or only on special occations. I honestly would not care if it was just a stainless steal band. I "prefer" an emerald because of what it stands for. The symbolism of it.

Stop being a stupid jeweler and start being a human being!!

What the ring means is so much more sacred than a stupid diamond dug up by poor people working their fingers to the bones so that some money grubbing jeweler can sell it for thousands of dollars!!!

Hell... let's not give the jewelry business ANY money and let me get a tattoo of something symbolic on my ring finger!! I always wanted to do that anyway...
Joined: 6/1/2008
Msg: 153
How much is enough???
Posted: 6/24/2008 10:00:31 PM
IMO if someone even cares of the "how much is enough" it clearly shows that they don't get the true significance.
Why do people judge that over how happy the couple is?
It's the same thing as making more a deal about the reception than the ceremony.
I guess some people just like to show and brag. I presume those are the same type that HAVE to HAVE a dozen long stem roses on Valentines Day delivered to their work.
What matters is the act and meaning behind the ring.
What matters is the shared meaning of a ceremony.
What matters is you are with the person that you want to spend every day and eternity with.
Joined: 5/17/2008
Msg: 154
view profile
How much is enough???
Posted: 6/25/2008 12:30:32 PM
I'd have a lot more respect for the girl if she told me to spend the money on a charity or put it in a savings fund for the future children. Diamonds are shiny rocks, nothing more. The tradition that men must buy wedding rings was created, or at least encouraged, by diamond companies. If you want to be a mindless sheep and do whatever irrational thing a big corporation wants you to do then, by all means, go ahead. But I think that money can be better spent.

It's interesting that while women have rebeled against being homemakers and mothers and subordinate to men, they've not said anything against getting thousand-dollar diamond rings for engagement and marriage. Seems strange that they'd keep that old fashioned tradition while destroying the others....

maybe you need to go back to the initial question.. which was what is the proper amount to spend.. and yes I get it... there is no proper amount....

Alright, then we are done talking yes?
Joined: 4/29/2008
Msg: 157
How much is enough???
Posted: 6/25/2008 7:08:31 PM

It's not a ****ing incentive. "I'll buy you a ring and propose but only if I get something pricey in return so you know how it feels."

Actually, traditionally, before the "women sleeping with everyone on the planet days"... it WAS an incentive. AND.... it was "I'll buy you a ring and propose but only if I get something pricey in return".

The exchange was a ring for the woman's virtue. Her virginity. He was making sure everyone else knew that this woman has promised to save herself for him.

Now, to MOST people, the ring is just something shiny with no rememberance of whose virtue is saved for whom.

Some cultures, before Christianity got so wide spread, the man would impregnate a woman, and if she could carry the baby full term AND give birth... the man would marry her. So may women died in child birth, they wanted to make sure she could actually do it. THAT was his way of insuring everyone knew she was his woman.

Sorry honey, but yeap, it is an exchange. He gives the ring... you promise to be his.
Joined: 10/13/2007
Msg: 162
How much is enough???
Posted: 6/25/2008 11:38:33 PM
Yeah, the dowry! There's one tradition that has been well and truly brushed under the rug, are many ladies complaining about that....hhmmm... nope!

Can't you folk see that this post has been egged on and on and on and on with the same question that has been answered a thousand different ways?
Joined: 8/11/2006
Msg: 163
view profile
How much is enough???
Posted: 6/25/2008 11:50:57 PM

you guys are all going mental about this.. no one ever said anything about turning someone down because the ring didn't cost a certain amount... maybe you need to go back to the initial question.. which was what is the proper amount to spend.. and yes I get it... there is no proper amount.... but all you woman hating losers don't need to keep coming back to this thread and beating a dead horse and say that I would go to the highest bidder and all that garbage.. get over yourselves

Some of us recall your last thread on the same issue and your posts therein.
Don't confuse woman hating with trash hating.
First it was "a friend" then your own experience comes out and your response......
Seriously OP do some growing before you even consider marriage.
You want an 25K ring or better assuming your guy makes about what I do, or more if he is making out better, then can he expect you to pony up for a well equipped shop? Hmmm, and his engagement present would actually have a use other than to impress your friends at your next hen party as he could then easily customize your home to better reflect your individual tastes.
Joined: 4/29/2008
Msg: 165
How much is enough???
Posted: 6/27/2008 9:29:41 PM
"""...and maybe instead of marriage we could have a '5 year pledge' open for renewal, thus not getting lazy in the relationship assuming that it's for LIFE and easily taken for granted.""""

Many Pagans do what is called a Handfasting. Where they promise to live together as a couple, as if they are legally bound, for a year and a day. They are to keep journals and write their feelings of everything. When that year and a day is up, they then come together for either a legal binding marraige for "forever and a day".... or choose to live for 7 years and a day in the same manner they just have.... OR they are welcome to split after the year and a day living together.

Some even put in their "marraige requirements" that they re-evaluate things in 7 years and a day to see if they have grown as a couple or if they should split up.

But no matter what, they are required to be together for at least that year and a day to see how they would be as a couple.

Eh... I know it's a bit old fashioned... but I like it :)
Joined: 6/5/2008
Msg: 168
view profile
How much is enough???
Posted: 7/7/2008 12:32:40 AM
I don't think it matters at all whether or not you have a ring. Why is that little rock so important? If you want a real big one then just buy it yourself. In this day or equality I think a man spending a fortune is dumb.
Joined: 6/19/2008
Msg: 169
How much is enough???
Posted: 7/7/2008 12:45:37 AM
Twenty-first century rule: A man should never spend less on the woman's ring than the woman does on the man's ring.

Are you marrying the ring or the man? Is how much money he spends on you for jewelry critical?

From Wikipedia, "A conventional buying price ranging from two to three months wages for a ring guideline originated from De Beers marketing materials in the early 20th century, in an effort to increase the sale of diamonds."

If you read down further, the "tradition" of the engagement ring having diamonds is less than 100 years old.

De Beers is a South African based company that buys up potential diamond mine sites around the world. They maintain an artificial scarcity of diamonds.
Joined: 4/18/2008
Msg: 171
view profile
How much is enough???
Posted: 7/7/2008 9:08:20 AM
Funny how much discussion can be had for a piece of rock on a piece of metal.

Anyone know the real cost of these things? Or how much one can get for reselling such an item?
 Jan Sobieski
Joined: 7/4/2008
Msg: 172
view profile
How much is enough???
Posted: 7/7/2008 9:19:41 AM
The "accepted" measure is three months income.
I hope this helps determine your question.
Joined: 8/27/2007
Msg: 175
view profile
How much is enough???
Posted: 7/7/2008 4:55:45 PM
Why do women get an engagement ring.. really, what's it FOR?
Why doesn't the guy get one, isn't he engaged too?
Wouldn't it be better to take that money and spend it on something you both want? If you want to get married and you've (hopefully) talked it over, isn't that enough? Isn't it between the woman and the guy? Does there REALLY need to be an overpriced piece of jewellery originally meant to show ownership? (That the woman was properly "paid for")

Is IMAGE really that important? (oooo... girls, look I'm ENGAGED...ick)

And why does the guy have to ask (propose)? I don't get it... I thought we were all supposed to be equal now.

I don't want one... and I don't need one. Diamonds are ridiculously over-inflated anyway.

I don't get it.
Joined: 4/29/2008
Msg: 177
How much is enough???
Posted: 7/7/2008 9:23:46 PM

^^ Now if a guy said that he would be called a loser, a cheap skate, an a**hole. LOL

Oh... they were... read the whole thread. And those of us who are just fine with something less expensive supposedly think we are not worth much.

It's been a lovely thread.... honest
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 178
view profile
How much is enough???
Posted: 7/8/2008 11:02:25 PM
OP, when I proposed to my ex the ring cost about $50. Her wedding band cost less than $100 if I remember right. She loved them.

My thought is, find something that you like that looks good and go from there. I don't believe a guy should ever spend multiples of a month's salary on a piece of jewelry. Fractions of a month's salary yes, but not multiples. Then again I don't believe in financing things either for the most part.
Show ALL Forums  > Ask A Guy  >