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 celts123
Joined: 5/15/2008
Msg: 55
Do women need to work at it harder after 45?Page 2 of 12    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)

I find that women care about “looks” in general a different way than men do in general. For women it is more about hygiene, grooming and the like, not every man looking like he should be on the cover of GQ magazine


Not all or most men expect a woman to have super model looks either.



The majority I see would prefer men to be taller than them…..since average for women is between 5’4” and 5’6” which isn’t “average” among men most of the men are well within their range. There are always exceptions to any rule, members of either gender that don’t care as well as those that have narrow and strict guidelines.


There are also plenty of women who will only date men who are at least several inches taller than them. For example, I have seen profiles where a 5' 4" woman will only date men who are at least 5' 9" or taller because he has to be taller than her when she is wearing high heels.


Some, yes. I bet there are many, many more men however that wouldn’t pursue a bald woman.


You might be right. But then again there are very few bald women besides the ones under going treatment for some disease.


Again, I bet it is less than the number of men that won’t bother with obese women.


I disagree. I know a few men who were obese until they lost a lot of weight. They got a lot more attention from women after their weight loss. I think the majority of people from both genders aren't attracted to obese people.


Since most people don’t fall into the category of being wealthy, famous or powerful and there are a significant amount of couples with age gaps, I doubt if this is true for the majority of the older/younger couples.


I haven't seen a large percentage of couples where the man is much older than the woman or vice versa. By much older, I'm talking about 15-20 yr age difference or more. I don't think an age difference of 8-10 years is a large age gap.
 Sapphireeyes
Joined: 1/13/2008
Msg: 56
Do women need to work at it harder after 45?
Posted: 6/23/2008 11:45:19 PM
Redarcangel, thank you for the kind comments! I have seen several men who have had the laser on their teeth...it looks great on them and made me want to save up for it!

I recently met someone half way to sixty and I think I understand where alot of people are coming from now, he said that he is taking two different kinds of medicine that if he just went and worked out he wouldnt need to take...he feels at his age why bother anymore and just pops the pill. He says going to the gym is alot harder than it used to be and doesnt enjoy it anymore. It would be another *thing he HAS to do vs wants to do. He is a very attractive man and has a great personality.

I guess everyone feels differently about aging, some find our comfort zone and allow ourselves to go before others do...maybe it is a balance of when we accept our inner beauty as being of more important than our outer beauty as in his case, his peace of mind is worth more than the muscles now.
 blondblueyed
Joined: 8/23/2005
Msg: 59
Do women need to work at it harder after 45?
Posted: 6/24/2008 9:04:05 AM

Not all or most men expect a woman to have super model looks either.


Yea, sure. That’s why there are a gazillion threads on here about no replies and no dates because the majority of them are contacting the “average” women.


There are also plenty of women who will only date men who are at least several inches taller than them. For example, I have seen profiles where a 5' 4" woman will only date men who are at least 5' 9" or taller because he has to be taller than her when she is wearing high heels.


I see some here on the forums talk about this but I mean do you ever go outside of your house and see people together with your own eyes? I live in a pretty populated area and rarely see women with men vastly taller than them. Besides 5’9” isn’t all that tall in the men kind. The majority of couples I see are pretty close in height.


You might be right. But then again there are very few bald women besides the ones under going treatment for some disease.


There are a lot of women that are bald for other reasons than chemo. If bald men are so unappealing how to explain the popularity of Bruce Willis, Van Diesel, I always liked Yul Brenner myself and I was just a kid when he was a lead actor.


I know a few men who were obese until they lost a lot of weight. They got a lot more attention from women after their weight loss. I think the majority of people from both genders aren't attracted to obese people.


Key word being “few”. Personally I think the majority of thin and average people think anyone 10 pounds more than themselves is “obese”. Same premise here, going out and looking around your town, what type of couples do you see for yourself? With the exception of Hollywood I see very few “equally beautiful and built” couples.



By much older, I'm talking about 15-20 yr age difference or more. I don't think an age difference of 8-10 years is a large age gap.


Could be your area, I am in Florida and I see a lot and the guys don’t have a mansion and a yacht.
 celts123
Joined: 5/15/2008
Msg: 62
Do women need to work at it harder after 45?
Posted: 6/24/2008 9:56:20 AM
Yea, sure. That’s why there are a gazillion threads on here about no replies and no dates because the majority of them are contacting the “average” women.


Why do some women ASSume that a man is only contacting the attractive women when he isn't getting many responses? A man could be contacting average looking women and still get very few responses.


There are a lot of women that are bald for other reasons than chemo.


I don't see many bald women. Even if there are many bald women, many of them are probably wear wigs.


If bald men are so unappealing how to explain the popularity of Bruce Willis, Van Diesel, I always liked Yul Brenner myself and I was just a kid when he was a lead actor.


I said many ( not all ) women don't date bald men. Besides there are always going to be some exceptions.


Key word being “few”.


I'm pretty sure what I described has happened to many other men who lost a lot weight.


Personally I think the majority of thin and average people think anyone 10 pounds more than themselves is “obese”.


Not necessary. I think another factor to this is when some people who are clearly obese try to describe themselves as "curvy" or a "few pounds overweight".


Same premise here, going out and looking around your town, what type of couples do you see for yourself? With the exception of Hollywood I see very few “equally beautiful and built” couples.


Who knows? Both people could have been attractive before they got married and one ( or both ) of them let themselves go after marriage.


Could be your area, I am in Florida and I see a lot and the guys don’t have a mansion and a yacht.


Maybe they aren't millionaires. But they probably have good paying jobs.
 blondblueyed
Joined: 8/23/2005
Msg: 64
Do women need to work at it harder after 45?
Posted: 6/24/2008 10:22:31 AM

Why do some women ASSume that a man is only contacting the attractive women when he isn't getting many responses? A man could be contacting average looking women and still get very few responses.


What is the other ASSumption that he is a complete dud and it wouldn’t matter who he contacts they wouldn’t reply?


Even if there are many bald women, many of them are probably wear wigs.


Wouldn’t that mean they were still bald underneath?


Besides there are always going to be some exceptions.


I have seen more than a few bald and balding men that are coupled.


I'm pretty sure what I described has happened to many other men who lost a lot weight.


Well, you were the one that said “few”, I bet it still happens to more women.


I think another factor to this is when some people who are clearly obese try to describe themselves as "curvy" or a "few pounds overweight".


No different than the ones that are “average” and “a few extra pounds” describing themselves as “athletic”.


Who knows? Both people could have been attractive before they got married and one ( or both ) of them let themselves go after marriage.


Sure some, but that doesn’t explain the very young and new couples I see.


Maybe they aren't millionaires. But they probably have good paying jobs.


Before it was the younger women only wanted older men if they were famous, rich or powerful, now they do if they just have good paying jobs? If they are fine with good paying jobs there are plenty of men in their own age bracket that probably can pay their bills and even afford a few extras. I am sure there is some other quality of that older man than just paying the electric bill. It appears any woman young or old that doesn’t date a homeless guy is now a gold digger. Just as I thought.



 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 65
Do women need to work at it harder after 45?
Posted: 6/24/2008 10:46:06 AM

As a man I believe there IS a cruel trick played on women but, in my opinion, it is a bit of poetic justice. When we were younger - in our teens and twenties - women ruled the roost in the dating game. Their looks were at their peek and they could demand whichever guy they wanted. They could scoff at the older women and say they're never going to be like THAT. They could play the guys to see if they could get a bigger better deal. The main asset they were bringing to the table was their looks. They could use that asset to bargain for the best deal they could get when it came to a man's money, status, power and even looks.


Must be you were on the losing end of that proposition.

It never mattered to me then, and it doesn't matter to me NOW, what other women do, or about some "game". Iwasn't always "trading up" for the "bigger better deal". My ass was not up for (technically legal) sale then, and it isn't now.
Most women my age, with even HALF the sense the Lord gave a slow moving goose, don't give a rats' rear end about the men who are chasing after the 20 something twinkies, so how is it a "competition"? I don't know about any other gals here, but I would prefer to spend what's left of my life either with a man who's secure and comfortable in his own skin,or by myself. Men my age who are running after 25 yr olds aren't of interest to me, so I feel no sense that things are "tough" for me.
Cindy O
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 67
Do women need to work at it harder after 45?
Posted: 6/24/2008 11:21:24 AM
Then why do they talk about it so much?
Like... you did just now.


I'll have sex with a woman over 45 but she's got to really want it and work for it.


Why would they bother?

And you left out a very crucial part of the quote from my post...the part about "women with even half the sense that the Lord gave a slow moving goose. I realize there ARE women who aren't very smart. If you try really hard maybe you can find one of them and get her to have sex with you.(Bring your wallet)
Cindy O
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 69
Do women need to work at it harder after 45?
Posted: 6/24/2008 11:33:23 AM

So, you weren't a woman who played the surfacey "looks for money/status/power" game. Good for you! Those who did are experiencing the other side of the coin.

And this is a big deal to you because....?
Cindy O
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 70
Do women need to work at it harder after 45?
Posted: 6/24/2008 11:35:20 AM

Oh... and use moisturizer.

If bullsh*t is an effective moisturizer he's got a goodly supply....
Cindy O
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 72
Do women need to work at it harder after 45?
Posted: 6/24/2008 11:51:38 AM

but I think women should work harder at it before turning 45. I'm not talking just about looks but about the whole person. A woman who has her head together is one who will find me attracted to her, not a self-consumed one, a woman who is overly concerned with trying to still look "hot."

Get used to it folks - we AGE! Yes, some fare better than others by genetic determination but appearance isn't the total measure of a person. Looks aren't unimportant but I'd prefer a woman who handles aging with some grace and dignity rather than one who is constantly waging war with the aging process

Absofreakinlutely. Why is is so difficult to grasp? I've got no quarrel with well chosen hair color( and blue never is a good choice) and exercise/physical activity to maintain decent health as much as possible. But to live at the gym, and undergo surgeries and injections for LOOKS, shows me a woman who has no faith in herself as a person in her own right,and that is just flat out SAD.
Cindy O
 rossal
Joined: 12/5/2005
Msg: 73
Do women need to work at it harder after 45?
Posted: 6/24/2008 11:52:07 AM
I had a hard life, but it doesn't show (I decided to barely age, LOL, LOL)

Attitude, attitude and good genes!

Smiles, Rossal
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 74
Do women need to work at it harder after 45?
Posted: 6/24/2008 12:16:52 PM

The dynamic they enjoyed when they were younger is gone and they're not quite sure how to operate.


I can see your point but it still sounds a little bit like gloating over a "tables turned" situation.
The ones who were the most guilty of trading on their looks STILL don't get it,and will not feel karma biting them in the ass. The irony will be completely lost on them.
YOU may enjoy their confusion and chagrin, but trust me, they aren't going to experience an "Ah Ha! moment", for them the "someday" that "they'll be sorry" like any other "someday"-never comes.
Cindy O
 celts123
Joined: 5/15/2008
Msg: 75
Do women need to work at it harder after 45?
Posted: 6/24/2008 12:17:02 PM
What is the other ASSumption that he is a complete dud and it wouldn’t matter who he contacts they wouldn’t reply?


My point is that there are some men who send reasonably well written emails to average looking women that they have some things in common with and they still don't get many replies.

Wouldn’t that mean they were still bald underneath?


My point is even if there are many bald women, you probably wouldn't see it that often because they are often wearing wigs to hide the bald spot.

I have seen more than a few bald and balding men that are coupled.


Once again, I said many ( not all ) women wouldn' t date a bald man.

Well, you were the one that said “few”, I bet it still happens to more women.


I think the percentage of men and percentage of women that wouldn't date an obese person is about the same.

No different than the ones that are “average” and “a few extra pounds” describing themselves as “athletic”.


I never stated that only obese women do this. Some obese men are just as gulity.


If they are fine with good paying jobs there are plenty of men in their own age bracket that probably can pay their bills and even afford a few extras. I am sure there is some other quality of that older man than just paying the electric bill.


Not necessary. If money is an important factor for her. Then she could date any almost man who makes a good amount of money and lives a comfortable lifestyle regardless of his age. A man doesn't have to be a millionaire to live a comfortable lifestyle.

It appears any woman young or old that doesn’t date a homeless guy is now a gold digger. Just as I thought.


That's not what I'm saying. Would many of these women date an much older man if he had a working class job and a modest lifestyle? IMO probably not.
 celts123
Joined: 5/15/2008
Msg: 76
Do women need to work at it harder after 45?
Posted: 6/24/2008 1:04:16 PM
Not necessary. If money is an important factor for her. Then she could date almost any man who makes a good amount of money and lives a comfortable lifestyle regardless of his age and other factors.. A man doesn't have to be a millionaire to live a comfortable lifestyle.


I forgot to include the bold words.
 blondblueyed
Joined: 8/23/2005
Msg: 77
Do women need to work at it harder after 45?
Posted: 6/24/2008 1:20:38 PM

My point is that there are some men who send reasonably well written emails to average looking women that they have some things in common with and they still don't get many replies.


In other words he doesn’t look like a model or have money so he’s screwed?


Once again, I said many ( not all ) women wouldn' t date a bald man.


My experience has been the opposite many women will date bald or balding men, many bald and balding men have a woman in their lives.


I think the percentage of men and percentage of women that wouldn't date an obese person is about the same.


All you would have to do is look at the difference in popularity of larger celebrity men as opposed to larger celebrity women to know that just simply isn’t true.


I never stated that only obese women do this. Some obese men are just as gulity.


Yes, I know that.


Not necessary. If money is an important factor for her. Then she could date any almost man who makes a good amount of money and lives a comfortable lifestyle regardless of his age. A man doesn't have to be a millionaire to live a comfortable lifestyle.



That's not what I'm saying. Would many of these women date an much older man if he had a working class job and a modest lifestyle? IMO probably not.


So, basically what you are saying is women are after looks and money. However, if she can’t have both then she will accept a man with nothing if he at least has looks or accept a man with no looks if he at least has money. So, in keeping with the gazillion threads of whining about if you don't have money or look like a model you will never get a woman. Balderdash! Again, the majority of the world is not wealthy, famous or incredibly beautiful so that would mean about 5% of the world is coupled. It's simply not true.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 78
view profile
History
Do women need to work at it harder after 45?
Posted: 6/24/2008 1:25:41 PM
I don't maintain anything, I don't date men who expect it, I'm aging then I'm going to die, I'm not wasting my time fighting it. I'm fat, I'm getting older by the second, my body is a mass of scars from the results on not aging well, hell I'm lucky to wake up alive every day, if that's not good enough then pppfffttttt!!! I do not compete, a man likes me and wants to be with me or he doesn't. I don't even think about it any further than that, I'm a person not an object.

Go to some place where a lot of people are, not some place for only the trendy or desperate, but some place where families hang out. What do you see the most of...average to ugly people, in pairs with kids. Yep the majority of those who find at least semi-stable marriages and stay together are not the pretty people and not those afraid to go out unless they look perfect. And it makes sense, most people are pretty much average to homely, and yet, most of them find love and enjoy their lives. If someone is that hung up on their looks, they are more likely attracting the same, and the same may be quite critical of any aging going on. It's hard to be happy if you are competing all the time, and thankfully there are a lot of really pretty people who don't give a rat's ass and marry for love instead of popularity, so they aren't competition in the first place.
 celts123
Joined: 5/15/2008
Msg: 79
Do women need to work at it harder after 45?
Posted: 6/24/2008 1:40:06 PM
In other words he doesn’t look like a model or have money so he’s screwed?


On internet dating sites, I think many average looking people of both genders don't get many responses. I think many people of both genders place too much emphasis on looks.

All you would have to do is look at the difference in popularity of larger celebrity men as opposed to larger celebrity women to know that just simply isn’t true.


There might be more fat male celebrities than fat female celebrities. But that doesn't necessary mean more women are willing to date obese people than men are. You can't always go by what you see on TV, magazines, or media in general. I'm pretty sure that many obese men will tell you that they were rejected by many women because of their weight. I have seen some threads on this website ( and other websites ) where a man asked women if they would date a fat man. A fair amount of women stated that they would date a chubby man. But very few women stated that they would date an obese man. When the gender roles were reversed, the results were about the same.


So, basically what you are saying is women are after looks and money. However, if she can’t have both then she will accept a man with nothing if he at least has looks or accept a man with no looks if he at least has money.


You're one who claimed that men care more about looks than women do. I stated that it's generally about even. There are a segment of women who only care about looks or money. However I never stated that all or most women only care about looks or money. Besides I was talking about the younger women who are dating much older men in particular. Not all women in general.
 blondblueyed
Joined: 8/23/2005
Msg: 80
Do women need to work at it harder after 45?
Posted: 6/24/2008 1:56:53 PM

There might be more fat male celebrites than fat female celebrites.


I didn’t say there were more fat male celebrities, I referred to the fact they are more popular than their female counterparts.


Besides I was talking about the younger women who are dating much older men in particular.


You also said:


If money is an important factor for her. Then she could date any almost man who makes a good amount of money and lives a comfortable lifestyle regardless of his age.


If money is so important and she could date any man than why “older”? If only money is the determining factor why would it be an older man with money and not a man her same age and maybe even better looking if she also wanted looks. Wouldn’t it stand to reason that there is probably something about the old coot that she finds more appealing than the younger counterpart and it’s probably not money? The older man wanting the younger female for her looks or even just to show off arm candy argument I could understand, but if a lady can get money why older than younger?
 celts123
Joined: 5/15/2008
Msg: 81
Do women need to work at it harder after 45?
Posted: 6/24/2008 2:10:55 PM
If money is so important and she could date any man than why “older”? If only money is the determining factor why would it be an older man with money and not a man her same age and maybe even better looking if she also wanted looks. Wouldn’t it stand to reason that there is probably something about the old coot that she finds more appealing than the younger counterpart and it’s probably not money?


There are many possible reasons. Maybe the older man was willing to spend more money on her. Maybe she went after the first man ( with a reasonable amount of money ) that showed interest in her. For the sake of argument. Suppose the much older man did have a good personality. As I mentioned earlier, would she still have dated him if he was a working class man who made a modest living? IMO probably not in most cases.
 blondblueyed
Joined: 8/23/2005
Msg: 82
Do women need to work at it harder after 45?
Posted: 6/24/2008 2:40:06 PM

As I mentioned earlier, would she still have dated a much older man if he was a working class man who made a modest living?


Since this is what I witness most often I would say, yes.

The whole point is that the majority of everyday people are “average” in looks with “average” incomes and lifestyles as opposed to the young good looking playboys or the wealthy old men. They are very much the minority. How do you explain the multitudes of couples in the world when most of the men are not playboys and older wealthy men? The numbers just don’t add up. If all you see are couples that look like they are carved out of cheesecake and women with rich men (whether young or old good looking or not) it is just one more reason why I love where I live.
 celts123
Joined: 5/15/2008
Msg: 83
Do women need to work at it harder after 45?
Posted: 6/24/2008 2:44:08 PM
Since this is what I witness most often I would say, yes.


I have seen plenty of women dating men with average looks or modest incomes / lifestyles and vice versa. But I don't see a large percentage of younger women dating much older men with modest incomes and lifestyles at least in my area.
 NiceOnPurpose
Joined: 12/17/2007
Msg: 88
Do women need to work at it harder after 45?
Posted: 6/25/2008 2:17:31 PM
I don't have to *work-it* any harder....The MEN I am interested in don't want to play with little girls...they want real women.
 bluenfree
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 90
view profile
History
Do women need to work at it harder after 45?
Posted: 6/27/2008 4:17:28 AM

I`m not seeing that same attitude when it comes to older men. Alot of them are out there dating , quite readily, thin and youthful women, and not being bothered by their big ponch, their aged physique. They seem to be fine with themselves just the way they are , as are alot of the women who are more than honored to date them.


Can you please tell me where these women are?

We all tend to see the world through filters of our perceptions. I think you're seeing this because of such a filter. I would tend to say the attraction is either because his personality is spectacular, or his wallet is.

If you are at least fairly attractive, I would bet there are men looking at you while you're looking at someone else.
 judith.m
Joined: 1/19/2008
Msg: 91
Do women need to work at it harder after 45?
Posted: 6/27/2008 5:25:03 AM
who says the young hunnies aren't working at it?
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 92
Do women need to work at it harder after 45?
Posted: 6/27/2008 9:27:48 PM

We all tend to see the world through filters of our perceptions. I think you're seeing this because of such a filter. I would tend to say the attraction is either because his personality is spectacular, or his wallet is.


....or he has * wink, wink * spectacular "man stuff "


...maeflowers
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