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 AUTHOR
 swingpup
Joined: 10/21/2006
Msg: 82
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feeling insecure naked......Page 4 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
Hell yes all women are beautiful fully clothed or naked. A size 2 or 22 as long as they are well kempt gorgeous. I don't know about all other men but I know the guys here in the office when we talk about women it's not about their bodies but the performance as well as their out going enthusiasm.
 seeker1997
Joined: 5/8/2006
Msg: 83
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feeling insecure naked......
Posted: 7/8/2008 9:25:41 AM
Do men analyize and scrutinize our bodies while making love?
Yeah! What is your point?
feeling insecure naked......
Posted: 7/8/2008 7:47:36 PM
feeling insecure naked......
Posted: 7/7/2008 858 AM
___________________________________________________________
if i was a fat bird lying on a beach i would park me bike up her crack,or get save the whale to push her back into the sea!!!
___________________________________________________________

Essexbob This is in reguards to your statement of women on a beach !

First off you have no respect for the female gender and hate to inform
you that we come with hearts and souls and are not beached whales as
you refer us too!

I find it totaly shallow and lame that a man like you passes judgement on
women that are not skinny and that you would park your bike up her crack
and or get to save the whales toss her back into the sea!!!!!

Let me tell you something I'm almost 50 , I look great and I am dear what the
good lord made me. You on other hand have issues and well woman were made
from Adams rib and we are the ones having babies and when you can carry a baby
nine months and then you can have the right to put us women down.

You have no clue what we are truly about , women are to be treasured and we are
a thing of the beauty that God gave us from within and a real man will appreciate his
woman reguardless of what she looks like size , eyes , hair color or skin a woman nude
is a true beauty and it's not about the body it's from what is within!

How dare you degrade women like that , you are going to be lucky getting a woman
let alone one naked in bed. I meet people all the time never once have I seen such
a rude statement about women naked over 40 and big! You go on and be a shallow
man and I hope you find what your looking for , but I don't wish your bike parked in
the crack of my behind and I think men like you should be tossed in the sea and eaten
by the whales you refer to women as and then spit out for the rubbish that you typed
on this post I find rude and there fore you should apoligze to us allif you have any galls
at all!

The other post I read on this topic was really good and well as someone said woman
naked are to be loved and are a beauty sen t from heaven up above we are t0o be loved!

Oh EssexBob : Word here I'm full figured not fat with curves and my beauty is
my heart and I look darn good naked or with clothes on , never had any complaints,
and what you don't know is Ihave high self esteam .
I like who I am each morning that I look in that mirror.
THANKS !!!!!!

Psst: I also skinny dip and don't look like a beached whale ....Park your bike
somewhere else please try and use alittle respect when it comes to us women!

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and not the outside it's the inside that counts.

Thanks to the Author for posting this....Yours,Brenny
feeling insecure naked......
Posted: 7/8/2008 10:54:36 PM
___________________________________________________________
if i was a fat bird lying on a beach i would park me bike up her crack,or get save the whale to push her back into the sea!!!
___________________________________________________________

Essexbob This is in reguards to your statement of women on a beach !

First off you have no respect for the female gender and hate to inform
you that we come with hearts and souls and are not beached whales as
you refer us too!

I find it totaly shallow and lame that a man like you passes judgement on
women that are not skinny and that you would park your bike up her crack
and or get to save the whales toss her back into the sea!!!!!


Let me tell you something I'm almost 50 ,
I look great and I 'm dear , what the
good lord made me.

You on other hand have issues and well woman were made
from Adams rib and we are the ones having babies and when you can carry a baby
nine months and then you can have the right to put us women down. You should
be so lucky if you ever gave child birth LOL!

You have no clue what we are truly about , women are to be treasured and we are
a thing of the beauty that God gave us from within and a real man will appreciate his
woman reguardless of what she looks like size , eyes , hair color or skin a woman nude
is a true beauty and it's not about the body it's from what is within!

How dare you degrade women like that , you are going to be lucky getting a woman
let alone one naked in bed. I meet people all the time never once have I seen such
a rude statement about women naked over 40 and big!
You go on and be a shallow
man and I hope you find what your looking for , but I don't wish your bike parked in
the crack of my behind and I think men like you should be tossed in the sea and eaten
by the whales you refer to women as, and then spit out for the rubbish that you typed
on this post I find rude and there fore you should apoligze to us
if you have any galls
at all!

The other post I read on this topic was really good and well as someone said woman
naked are to be loved and are a beauty sent from heaven up above we are t0o be loved!

Oh EssexBob : Word here I'm full figured not fat with curves and my beauty is
my heart and I look darn good naked or with clothes on , never had any complaints,
and what you don't know is I happen to have high self esteam .
I like who I am each morning that I look in that mirror.
THANKS !!!!!!

Psst: I also skinny dip and don't look like a beached whale ....Park your bike
somewhere else please try and use alittle respect when it comes to us women!

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and not the outside it's the inside that counts.

Thanks to the Author for posting this....Yours,Brenny
 lunatic13
Joined: 7/4/2006
Msg: 87
feeling insecure naked......
Posted: 7/9/2008 2:21:44 AM
I think most of us realize that time has it's effects on the human body. I find as I get older that the changes a woman's body undergoes as a result of birthing children and just plain aging are a big turn-on.

I don't analyze and scrutinize so much as I enjoy...

In another life I was also a professional photographer and in my experience the majority of people who didn't think they were photogenic weren't because they were fighting the camera. Once I got people to relax and just be themselves things usually turned out for the better.
 blue70
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 89
feeling insecure naked......
Posted: 7/12/2008 4:13:54 PM
Girl, if you are dating a drop dead gorgeous man who wants to be with you AND YOU WANT TO BE WITH HIM, you are one lucky pair!

My guess is he thinks you're as beautiful as you think he is! And unless he's 25 he full well understands the ravages of time on the bod!

Rock on sister-- enjoy!!!

I found- and then lost- some great quotes. I'll post if I can find!

[found one]

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
 windloverr
Joined: 2/29/2008
Msg: 90
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feeling insecure naked......
Posted: 7/12/2008 7:17:13 PM
One of my favorite quotes is “I loved the way I saw myself in your eyes.”

You – “I am dating a drop dead gorgeous guy who really seems to like me.” If you have questions or concerns, look in his eyes, and know you are beautiful.

“Do men analyze and scrutinize our bodies while making love?”
No. Some guy you are f**king might; but never anyone you make love with.

I was on a beach one time; and a woman with a very large back side came down the beach in a neon pink thong. Initially I thought “OMG what can she possibly be thinking.” Then it hit me; this woman feels very good about herself; and the guy with her thinks she is the sexiest thing on the beach. How beautiful is that? I mean, how good can it get?
 forum101
Joined: 2/5/2008
Msg: 91
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feeling insecure naked......
Posted: 7/17/2008 8:21:35 PM
Look on the internet or the monthly magazines, stars without makeup, without an airbrush, to make them look perfect. They are not perfect. Kate Hudson, beautiful, but with out the makeup and airbrush, she has lines, discolored skin, a flabby stomach from being pregnant, still. As I get older, and look back at pictures of myself when I was 18, 23, 28. I had no idea I looked like that. 5'5" 116 lbs. I looked like Valerie Bertinelli, when she was on "One Day At A Time", yet I had no clue. I would go days without eating, trying to lose weight. I thought I was fat and mousy looking. We never see ourselves as we really are. Everyone is like that. Even the models worry about their stretch marks showing. Everyone is Beautiful, in their own way. Wait, that's a song. But it's true. Thank God men dont look as closely as women look. We are our own worst enemy.
 boutenuf
Joined: 5/9/2008
Msg: 94
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feeling insecure naked......
Posted: 7/19/2008 5:11:28 AM
I think all people feel insecure with themselves naked especially when being with someone new. I think maybe woman feel this much more than men, because we see all this stuff in the media of model women and we feel that we are being compared and will not measure up. Men also feel insecre they just always speak about it or show it in the same way. Men also feel that they are being compared and will not measure up. We are all human and it happens to the best of us. That is why it is important to know the person you are with and you feel secure with them.
 male.1957
Joined: 2/12/2007
Msg: 102
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feeling insecure naked......
Posted: 7/27/2008 6:15:10 AM
Agree with you. If both want to have sex, than the naked part will happen.
 Rythmn
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 113
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feeling insecure naked......
Posted: 8/1/2008 1:55:14 AM
well, i suppose it can work both ways and you could find every little fault in the man you are with. then again, i tend to see the positives in the people i am attracted to and should that not be reciprocated, i could get pretty disgusted. i assert people should tend to their own bodies before they start hacking away at mine.

however, if you continue to feel this way no matter what, i suggest you blind fold him, put the lights dim and then just feel your way around until you get comfortable. then, later on, if you need to exit the room: there is always the trick of leaving the room, walking backwards (!), while continuing to look deeply into his eyes--or through the blindfold, as the case may be. note: after a while this will become funnier and funnier!

my understanding from all my male buddies and ex'es is that everyone feels funny about something or another . but if you care about the person and he cares about you, you can be made to feel like the beauty queen you once were, so many years ago and he can be confident as the ardent lover!

believe me, despite the clothes, most of us have penetrating eyes and we see you--so it's really all over before it started, the scrutiny that is. if still there, you can bet it's your eyes or the smile that has him focused and ready to dive further.
 Branes
Joined: 7/27/2006
Msg: 115
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feeling insecure naked......
Posted: 8/1/2008 9:25:30 AM
I haven't read all the posts here, but I'll say that any man worth his salt in middle age is not going to expect a woman to have the same kind of body as someone much younger. We all know that gravity has it's effects on women, AND men. Those nice tight pecs and biceps we guys once had ain't so tight anymore.

I'd be willing to bet that most men at our age spend a few minutes in the mirror tucking in the tummy, flexing the old biceps and saying to themselves "I don't look bad for my age." In the meantime the mirror is laughing at you and saying " don't kid yourself, buddy. You're hair is a memory, you're getting man-boobs, your bunns are flabby and you've got a tire around your gut big enough to put on a monster truck."

So you women aren't the only ones who feel insecure when the clothes come off.
 Rythmn
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 116
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feeling insecure naked......
Posted: 8/1/2008 10:04:20 AM
well branes, italian men are known to be lovers of all women!

on a side note, it really depends on how cuddly and touchy feeley "he" is. nothing like a strong embrace to keep a woman secure. what about "her"? guys, what is the feeling aspect. they say you are "visual". well ladies, aren't some of us as well? but like said above, we find some of the better parts and focus. my ex SO had piercing blue eyes, that haunts me to this day, plus the two of us were very touchy feelie!

let's assume you guys meet an average woman with any range of age related flaws. what attracted you the most about her and what did you simply ignore? then side by side, what bothered her that did not bother you?

note: i believe these questions are in keeping with the opening of this thread. just asking for some examples.
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 120
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feeling insecure naked......
Posted: 8/1/2008 1:29:47 PM
A drop dead gorgeous guy wants to make love to you and you think you aren't good enough? Obviously, you're good enough to him! Try candlelight. Everyone looks beautiful in candlelight. Just one small votive light so you can see but it isn't too bright. Start looking at paintings by Rubens. Quit thinking about how you look. Close your eyes, feel and enjoy.

The guy I'm with has a cute face but a strange body because of some surgeries. Ya know what? When he's kissing me and stroking me, I really don't care. And when I'm enjoying stroking him or whatever, I don't care. My body is pretty nice but it's 55 years old, my skin isn't what it was before. He loves it. As for what we look like in various positions - good Lord, if we did that none of us would ever have any fun in bed! Think of it! Most of it looks pretty ridiculous. But who's watching?

Repeat: close your eyes, feel, and enjoy. When you find that self-critical thought popping back up in your head remind yourself to close your eyes, feel, and enjoy.
 Branes
Joined: 7/27/2006
Msg: 122
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feeling insecure naked......
Posted: 8/1/2008 10:34:22 PM
well branes, italian men are known to be lovers of all women!

We are, Serenity, but just one at a time......unfortunately. :P
 Browneyes059
Joined: 10/31/2003
Msg: 124
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feeling insecure naked......
Posted: 8/2/2008 8:10:51 AM
Is this someone you care about or just some shallow dolt who is more interested in sex with a perfect body then making love to a woman he cares for?
 Green Sangha
Joined: 3/12/2008
Msg: 127
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feeling insecure naked......
Posted: 8/2/2008 1:19:49 PM
I keep coming back to this thread because it is encouraging to see that not all men judge women's physical appearance as harshly as some do. I actually broke off a connection with a guy after 2 dates because he was so attractive, and he seemed pretty focused on looks, and I just felt he wouldn't sustain interest in me if we got naked together. More, to the point, I just didn't feel I could be comfortable enough to get naked with him. So I told him we didn't click in the way I thought we needed to to continue dating.

Now, some of you will say that it was my limitations, not his, that led me to that conclusion; that perhaps is true to some extent. However, he talked about his "good" and "bad" side and his receding hairline bothering him and how he was in a battle against aging and didn't want to accept aging and death. Maybe he wouldn't have judged me as harshly, but I suspect he would have. I just didn't want to deal with a rejection and so I deflected the situation.

In reality, there are guys in their 50's who still want a woman with a "hot" bod, and they define hot as thin and toned. There are others who don't mind a woman softening as she ages and find the interaction between and the hope of getting naked is the turn-on, despite a bodies "flaws" (even if they admire women who still have those other kinds of bodies). There is another category of men that don't even give it much thought and just revel in being with a smart, kind, fun woman.

For me to be comfortable, and attract a guy, he has to be in the last two categories. I have the intelligence, wit, and enthusiasm to be a great partner to the right man. Now I have to find him, and I have to recognize it when I find him and not let my own insecurities get in the way.

That leads to a bigger issue, not the way men feel about us, but the way we feel about ourselves. Men find women sexy if the woman feels sexy. Women tend to feel sexy if we think we look good "enough", a word that has great variations in meaning. The challenge as an older woman is one we all have to face. We have to develop a solid enough core of security and self-confidence so that we don't allow the realities of an aging body stop us from getting out there and having fun.

Men may have this issue, but I suspect it is a greater issue with women, as most of us have really struggled at times to meet male-defined criteria for attractiveness. Now guys, don't jump all over me. I am talking about a patriarchal culture that exalts all that is masculine and devalues a lot that is related to being female, and rigidly judges our worth by our attractiveness. Not all men do this, I know. But, enough do and it starts affecting women when they are little girls wanting approval and wanting to be "good enough". Advertising and television teach us what it takes to be "beautiful". It is a myth, but I don't know a single woman who has entirely escaped the myth and who hasn't had to work hard to feel good about herself. (actually, I know one, but she was raised in India, so I guess I am talking about white, western culture).

So here I am at 49 finding it harder to take off the pounds that have crept up, never knowing that the weight I was at 39 would seem like a great weight to be again. If only I'd appreciated myself more and worried less!. The reality is, although I am exercising and eating healthy and less, I may never see that weight. And cultural messages abound that say I am not desirable or deserving of love at this weight. It is insane, but once again I have to answer those voices and love myself enough to act as if I believe I am worthy, even on days I don't feel like it. It is a hard thing to do, and I don't know how many guys understand the complex psych0-dynamic that goes on with a lot of women about their weight and desirability, but let me tell you... it ain't easy!

I am, like most women, trying to love myself as I am while still trying to improve (even if the goalpost has been moved). Meanwhile, regarding getting naked...I'd better be feeling some emotional regard for you and from you or I'm not going there.

Thank you all for letting me put this out there. I've been processing it for many months now and it helps to not have to hide it in shame, but bring such thoughts into the light of day.
Peace
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 128
feeling insecure naked......
Posted: 8/2/2008 2:00:11 PM

And cultural messages abound that say I am not desirable or deserving of love at this weight. It is insane, but once again I have to answer those voices and love myself enough to act as if I believe I am worthy, even on days I don't feel like it. It is a hard thing to do, and I don't know how many guys understand the complex psych0-dynamic that goes on with a lot of women about their weight and desirability, but let me tell you... it ain't easy!


And I find it insane that in most areas of my life I consider myself to be a confident woman...not so when it comes to my body image...I've had this internal struggle for many years....not trying to put the entire blame on my ex but the fact remains he did leave for a younger, prettier model (not with her anymore btw) and it knocked the he11 out of my self-esteem.....still working on that though.


I am, like most women, trying to love myself as I am while still trying to improve (even if the goalpost has been moved). Meanwhile, regarding getting naked...I'd better be feeling some emotional regard for you and from you or I'm not going there.


I could have penned this statement....


...maeflowers


 Ron9
Joined: 8/10/2004
Msg: 133
feeling insecure naked......
Posted: 8/4/2008 12:09:27 PM
If I like the gal dressed ......

I will like her undressed.

I said the same thing on another tread several months back.

I am very sure - most guys feel the same way - about this topic. (and mean it)
 *buzz*
Joined: 6/1/2006
Msg: 137
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feeling insecure naked......
Posted: 8/5/2008 7:39:33 AM

do you honestly think it's because of the appearance of your body in his eyes?

'hizdog' knows the order of bond and bind.
If you can reveal to your partner your inner dreams and worries, if you are able to share and deal with whatever life throws in your way together then to let slip neglige on the floor and curl up next to each other in Adam & Eva's attire feels perfectly normal and right.
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 138
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feeling insecure naked......
Posted: 8/5/2008 8:56:52 AM

Casual sex increases most women's insecurities because it shows us we're easily discarded or forgotten for a few weeks so therefore we obviously weren't all that special or sexy to the guys who said all the right things to see us naked to begin with. I've noticed all my life that there's a certain smugness in women who have been happily married for years (or maybe I'm just jealous), but they sure aren't worried about whether they look good naked.

I don't find either of those statements to be true in my own life. I do not find my married women friends to be smug at all. My married women friends are kind and compassionate. Of course, I wouldn't choose them for friends if they weren't. The casual sex I've engaged in over the last couple of years made me feel good and feel good about myself. I didn't go into it expecting any more than it was and I was selective with whom I engaged, but it made me feel sexy and desirable. The lovers I chose were skillful and enjoyable to be with and, with only two exceptions, genuinely caring. I truly enjoyed their company for the brief time we shared together. I didn't feel discarded or used and, in fact, I deliberately chose men I could not, for practical reasons, get involved with or would see later precisely because all I wanted was a nice encounter at that moment. This would not have worked for me in my past and it does not work for all women. However, it did work for me during the last couple of years and I have no regrets or ill will towards the men whose company I've enjoyed.
 zabet
Joined: 10/27/2007
Msg: 145
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feeling insecure naked......
Posted: 8/18/2008 2:56:58 PM
Maybe this is why our eyesight deteriorates as we age, so we can't see the insignificant!
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