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 Sapphireeyes
Joined: 1/13/2008
Msg: 24
MisrepresentationPage 2 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
Denial...people want to believe they are still the same way they were in their 20's...just go to one of the night clubs that play 80's music and see what is there...they even still dance the same way they did!!!!

As far as what is fat, not fat and income...how in the twisted space between your ears can you make the statements you do....A fat person is not more lovable than a man who makes under 100k...and you are judging a man based on what is important to you....alot of men make WAYYYYYY over 100k but drive old cars and wear older clothes...they have goals and save their money for those goals...not to impress girls who sell themselves to sugar daddies.
 SpiceyCougar
Joined: 4/29/2008
Msg: 26
Misrepresentation
Posted: 6/27/2008 8:54:12 PM

what makes me mad is how many guys complain about women lying about their weight on their profiles. I have had guys tell me that the met some woman who was average and weighed 200 lbs.


I have noticed 95% of the men on this site have "Average" or "Athletic" on their body type. When I meet them, I wonder what "Athletic" build they were thinking about... Sumo Wrestling?

I have NO problem with someone's size (usually).... just be honest with me. I usually have no issues with anything really. Even if you have some off the wall kinky fetish. Be honest.
 CMonster
Joined: 12/4/2004
Msg: 28
Misrepresentation
Posted: 6/27/2008 10:29:56 PM

I have noticed 95% of the men on this site have "Average" or "Athletic" on their body type. When I meet them, I wonder what "Athletic" build they were thinking about... Sumo Wrestling?

I see the same thing from women too, I think both men and women embellish similar things when it comes to their appearance. I find that the people who are actually athletic usually have photos of them taking part in some athletic activity or they at least talk about it in their profile. I tend to question the athletic ones who make no mention of any sports other than watching the Sunday game.
 xeot
Joined: 10/25/2007
Msg: 31
view profile
History
Misrepresentation
Posted: 6/27/2008 11:49:08 PM
What I have found is that women have a series of things that are designed to filter down the number of men in consideration. This is magnified by the online environment. If a guy doesn't meet these initial criteria he doesn't get a chance. Many of these criteria are things like looks, job, wealth, height, etc. This makes for a reason to lie. It's what is often called 'saying the right things'. I'd rather be honest myself, which is probably why I am reading these forums at the moment :)
 776877
Joined: 10/13/2007
Msg: 32
Misrepresentation
Posted: 6/28/2008 12:08:13 AM
Been there and done that...I only have experience with women lying since I don't date guys but ten years off seems to be the average I've had to expect of late. I don't think 'most' women filter guys out by body type nearly as much as 'most' guys do but conversely 'most' guys don't give a rats ass how much a woman earns so its not an issue on that end. Maybe it evens out ;-)




In the end when the rubber hits the road you meet the person not the stats so why bother lying. The woman has to eventually admit she is X years older and the guy will eventually admit that he isn't the 'athletic' build he imagined himself to be.

 SpiceyCougar
Joined: 4/29/2008
Msg: 36
Misrepresentation
Posted: 6/28/2008 8:20:41 AM
""""Wouldn't a linebacker for a football team be considered Athletic? Those are some big guys, and a lot of that isn't muscle.""""

In this case, *I* should be able to put "Athletic". I am pretty much a power lifter. Not all of me is muscle... but a good amount of me is.

How many men would appriciate someone my size marking "Athletic"? No? Not many? Then these guys can mark "Big and Tall". There is nothing confusing about be a big and tall man.

""""Perhaps the descriptions on this site just allow too much left up for interpretation.""""

Perhaps.... or make it more so that someone needs a picture to clear up any confusion.
 sugarspicebaby_1
Joined: 2/16/2008
Msg: 38
Misrepresentation
Posted: 6/28/2008 10:50:29 AM
I've not had so much a problem with guys lying about their physical features - but what they want in a relationship. I had a local guy who was great, we matched very well compatibly. His profile said he was seeking something "long term" but when were dating he was only after sex - NEVER called, made plans, IM, nothing without me initiating it I told him I wasn't being used like that! The whole reason that question is on a profile is to match people seeking the same type of relationship - so why can't guys who say they are ready to commit? (p.s. He's back on here too! )
 Sapphireeyes
Joined: 1/13/2008
Msg: 39
Misrepresentation
Posted: 6/28/2008 11:35:14 AM
What I was saying with "Denial" is the individuals dont see themselves as different from their profile. Doesnt make them a liar, they just havent noticed that they arent what they used to be. Havent you ever talk to the 40 year old ex high school football quarterback...he will gladly tell you about that one play that he has been reliving for the past 20 some years! Or the high school cheerleader...they are clinging to a happy time in their lives....now I am not saying that makes them a good person to date...just explaining that they arent Misrepresenting anything...they don't realize the last 20 years happen.

I think age gives you more inner beauty as it steals away your outer beauty...(not saying some arent better looking than they were before). You gain wisdom to realize that the most important part of a person is INSIDE!

People are shallow they want to know what the physical attraction will be....both of my ex husbands were extremely good looking but inside they had addiction issues etc...now the best looking man looks tarnished to me if he hasnt work as hard on WHO he is as what he looks like.
 Sardonis
Joined: 9/28/2007
Msg: 42
Misrepresentation
Posted: 6/28/2008 12:32:37 PM
Can someone explain to me if this is because of the women or because of vanity? I'm confused, lost and getting seriously irritated.


A little bit of both.

Some women are more down to earth and genuine, but I assure you that many women expect some salesman, politician type spiel about how everything is fantastic and blah blah blah.

Some people call it selling your self up, accentuating the positive, putting your best foot forward, etc etc.

But the way I see it is just another form of BS. It's a spin job.

Ex: When I first moved to California on my own, I was living in SF, but down in LA for a weekend and out with an old college girlfriend and her group of friends and I was talking to this one girl. And she was asking me about living in SF and I told her I was finding it challenging because for the first time in my life I did not know anybody and was completely on my own.

And her body language just went cold and turned away from me. And later, our mutual female friend told me that she was into me up until I said that. Look what I get for being real and saying what was really on my mind.

See I actually had the confidence to admit that to her. In my mind it was not a problem because I know I will always make friends and it is just a matter of time before I can't get any free time to myself. But in her mind, she perceived that as some admission that I have no social value.

Her perception was wrong, but she thinks she is making the best decision for her. And that is the way it is.
 CaliSoldier
Joined: 6/2/2008
Msg: 49
Misrepresentation
Posted: 6/28/2008 2:54:18 PM
[. Are women really so shallow that men feel the need to embellish on their looks, jobs, etc.? ] Yes!! most wont admit it, but they will use words like " preference" and "chemistry" to make it look like its not shallow.

[Do people honestly care whether or not you are losing your hair or is it vanity? Is it that important to men to be perceived as something that they aren't]
Not me! I just sit back and wait for the time they say "Im sorry i turned you down, that was a huge mistake" and so far, it always happens!

[what makes me mad is how many guys complain about women lying about their weight on their profiles] Why? deception is wrong no matter what!

[Many men start out this way as adoloscents and soon realize that that works for guys who are really good looking and cool but the rest of us need an edge. ]
EXACTLY!! A great looking guy, and a regular guy can do the saame thing, but only the regular guy will be bashed for it!!

[except instead, they reward nice honest men sexually.] ONLY in Hollywood!

[I agree if they have ex wives and children, but these men where either single, not married, or their kids were grown. They dont' make the money they claim they do, simple.] So did you re assure tham that the money ISNT important? or did you just dump them for it? if you did the latter, then youve proven to yourself WHY they had to lie to get you in the first place.
 CMonster
Joined: 12/4/2004
Msg: 50
Misrepresentation
Posted: 6/28/2008 2:59:23 PM

I've not had so much a problem with guys lying about their physical features - but what they want in a relationship. I had a local guy who was great, we matched very well compatibly. His profile said he was seeking something "long term" but when were dating he was only after sex - NEVER called, made plans, IM, nothing without me initiating it I told him I wasn't being used like that! The whole reason that question is on a profile is to match people seeking the same type of relationship - so why can't guys who say they are ready to commit? (p.s. He's back on here too! )

Well it sounds as if he was at least committed to having sex with you (hopefully faithfully). In his eyes he was committed. If you want a guy who's more than just a one trick pony it doesn't hurt to not just say what you enjoy doing in your profile but also date guys who are active in the same interests.

Most women believe that men "should" be able to plan different outing but you'd be surprised at how many are clueless beyond having an idea beyond dinner and a movie when it comes to dating. Hopefully if a guy is active in other activities, he states them in his profile and you can ask specific things about them. Hopefully he'll get the clue to include you in them.
 CMonster
Joined: 12/4/2004
Msg: 51
Misrepresentation
Posted: 6/28/2008 5:16:11 PM

In my experience, liars and players come in all shapes and sizes. Why in the world we would have to sugar coat telling someone that we know they lied, I will never know. (Usually they throw excuses, but never apologize for deceiving.) A lie is a lie. I am so human, but I try so hard to be honest and really isn't that what we are all looking for, someone to be honest with us. Starting a relationship should start out on truths. But I guess some people don't see it this way.

Very true. However it seems that via this medium, not too many people's "truths" look very attractive in recent photos. Like someone said earlier they need to compete somehow and lying seems to allow them to have a chance (at least until you meet them in person). After you meet they try WAY too hard to convince you that they're great if you'd just give them a chance. Easier said than done since they had already made such a stellar first impression.
 Vancer
Joined: 10/29/2006
Msg: 52
Misrepresentation
Posted: 6/28/2008 6:07:07 PM
CrystalClear35, I think they found a shortcut to get what they want, but apathetically (or intentionally) ignored the advertisement inherited from the traits they used to make their shortcut.
 xeot
Joined: 10/25/2007
Msg: 55
view profile
History
Misrepresentation
Posted: 6/29/2008 8:48:23 PM

And her body language just went cold and turned away from me. And later, our mutual female friend told me that she was into me up until I said that. Look what I get for being real and saying what was really on my mind.

See I actually had the confidence to admit that to her. In my mind it was not a problem because I know I will always make friends and it is just a matter of time before I can't get any free time to myself. But in her mind, she perceived that as some admission that I have no social value.


That sounds familiar. I usually don't have a problem with stating the truth, what's on my mind, whatever. Women will go cold seeing it as some weakness or defect. I think it takes more guts, more confidence in one's self _not_ to hide behind some act or just say the right things. Oh well... More for the players I guess ;)
 ExplosiveSheep
Joined: 9/22/2007
Msg: 58
Misrepresentation
Posted: 6/29/2008 10:34:27 PM
What it boils down to is that on the internet women are looking for the same men they want to meet offline.

I've been told I have to act a certain way to attract women, some men take that to heart more than others, I'm looking for the exception and continue to put off a lot of girls, some men will try and completely change their entire life just to be someone else that's more attractive to the opposite sex because it beats being lonely, others will just hope to god they can lie to someone long enough it won't matter.

If you keep meeting liars, you might want to invest some time in approaching men or looking for similarities you can spot early.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 60
Misrepresentation
Posted: 6/30/2008 6:46:45 AM

I guess I just thought that at this age we were all past the "tricks". I have been out of the scene for a long time and I guess I just assumed that everyone was on the up and up. After all, we are all adults. Right?


Yeah, and the main difference between adults and children is that adults have leaned to rationalize lying and playing games as not being naive. Children have little difficulty speaking their minds and being up front about what they want until adults teach them to not be naive. If we are all adults, then you might expect the games to only get more sophisticated.
 Vancer
Joined: 10/29/2006
Msg: 61
Misrepresentation
Posted: 6/30/2008 6:53:03 AM
I must read your profile. I had to read this sentence twice and that is unusual for me! But really you are right and love the way you worded it making it funny but truthful.

I often cannot write what I am thinking properly.
I usually have to edit my posts a kajillion times, because every time I go back and read what I had written, it was poorly communicated.

I think my brain is broke'd.
 xeot
Joined: 10/25/2007
Msg: 67
view profile
History
Misrepresentation
Posted: 6/30/2008 3:31:46 PM


I have been on these dates and listened to guys tell me about the women that had lied to them and then I look at their teeth and cars and it's obvious they dont' make 100k so it kind of evens out.


LOl. The image of wealth. This an era of cheap credit. Cosmetic improvements to one's teeth and a fancy car are *EASY* to get for any one who has even a small income. Both are offered on credit. Many of the people who put on an image of wealth are essentially broke and 'renting' the image. So long as they can cover the interest they can keep it going.

People who earned their way up in income tend not to squander their money. So maybe their car isn't what you expect someone of their income to drive. Maybe they bought it before their income went up? Maybe a car has all the appeal of a toaster to them so they just buy an average one. Maybe they like a simple car.

One of these days I really should put on the show just to see what happens. Buy some expensive clothes, waste some money on fancy haircut, ok ok, there are some expensivish cars I wouldn't mind having... and I should probably get a new car... :)
 good_catch77
Joined: 3/28/2007
Msg: 71
Misrepresentation
Posted: 6/30/2008 11:36:05 PM
This thread is crazy it's went from a simple question of lies on profiles to who's blaming the other gender and who does it more. Tssk tssk.

When I was doing "online dating" (old school meeting ppl now). I was honest on what I looked like and what I liked. You know how many women that I contacted 1st emailed me back in almost a year. Less than 3 and those was just the polite ones that was not rude. So to be honest it was tempting to lie in my profile. But number one I suck at lying second I thought of what I would think of her if she lied to me? So temptation did not get the best of me lol.

OH btw I do agree that rich guys may drive old cars and not "look" rich to actually find someone that isn't a gold digger. That's what I would do if I ever won the lotto.

Best of luck to everyone

Best of luck to everyone
 good_catch77
Joined: 3/28/2007
Msg: 72
Misrepresentation
Posted: 7/1/2008 8:33:30 AM
I totally agree with this statement



People who earned their way up in income tend not to squander their money. So maybe their car isn't what you expect someone of their income to drive. Maybe they bought it before their income went up? Maybe a car has all the appeal of a toaster to them so they just buy an average one. Maybe they like a simple car.


I mean not "all" guys have to have the best car or biggest house. They may be perfectly happy with a mid range car or 2 or even 3 bed room house. They may save there money for the future.

I also say a lie is a lie. If a man or woman lies about there weight it is the same lie no matter what gender. Imo I think that people lie more with online profiles than they would normally because they realize how many people are picky online. I mean what may look like a obese guy with just pics may "carry his weight" well in real life so you may not notice once you meet the person. Speaking with the weight. There is not many categories on here in description, plus peoples opinion vary between each other. So what may be over weight to me is like a few extra pounds to someone else. So because of this technically most of us are lying when we put average.

Ah on to the money issue with men lying about how much they make. Well its no secret that you have to have money to land a woman. I'm not talking about Joe Millionare but enough to support two people. Money is not the only thing like most PEOPLE think but it is one thing I'm not one to lie so I cannot give everyone a reason why they would in depth. But I will say that I think the lie is equal between a man lying about money and women lying about weight. They are equal in my book both a huge lie. A lie is a lie.

Best of luck to everyone
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 74
Misrepresentation
Posted: 7/1/2008 11:56:40 PM
Well I think all people misrepresent to an extent, especially when going after something, whether it be a mate, a date, a job, etc. Sure, it can be considered 'lying' or embellishment to an extent, but I think it's almost human nature to put our best foot forward when going after something we want, and to a certain extent it is almost encouraged..and both men and women do it, not one more than the other. On a resume, we list our accomplishments, degrees, accreditations, skills.


That pretty much makes my point regarding the way adults rationalize. A resume is probably the most egregious example. To paraphrase Richard Feynman, ``there is a difference between knowing somethig and knowing the name of something.'' Most people deliberately confuse those two things to appear knowledgeable. The analogy in dating is that people look to see what are desired attributes and list them as their own if they can pretend it fits closely enough and wash out the difference with euphemisms.
 xeot
Joined: 10/25/2007
Msg: 76
view profile
History
Misrepresentation
Posted: 7/17/2008 8:44:47 PM

I met a guy on here who lied about his height (said he was 6'1 when he was really about 5'11 -- lied about having a job (was unemployed) -- lied about having a place to live (was really staying with friends) -- lied about being a responsbile person very into spiritual growth (see prior parenthesis) and pretty much lied about his beliefs, morals, et cetera.
Now why would he do that.


You met actually met him, that's why.

Those who lie do so that they can get to the next step and so women reject men who are better than they are but tell the truth. The liars tend to be much more successful with women and as with any rewarded behavior the result is more of it.

The liars are out there somewhere with women while I (and other guys who don't) am sitting here reading and posting to this forum. That's why lying is done, that's why it works. They just want to get their foot in the door. Then they have to find a way to get in, but that's step two and apparently it's often successful. That seems to be the way the game is played, but I and others continue to refuse to play it.
 spiderette
Joined: 6/28/2008
Msg: 77
Misrepresentation
Posted: 7/17/2008 9:51:33 PM

In my experience, liars and players come in all shapes and sizes


the worst are those who say they hate liars and then you find out later those very individuals are the most prolific lairs. had it happen with someone once - i was stunned at the person's hypocrisy - and i was totally blindsided too!
 WpgGentleman2
Joined: 6/19/2008
Msg: 78
Misrepresentation
Posted: 7/17/2008 10:14:00 PM
You can go to the south of Germany and find many women, and men who feel the way you do OP.

They don't wear makeup. They don't dress up to go out. Natural is good. Natural is best.

It is the prevalent attitude there. OP, would be in the majority.

Here in North American, though, the average women spends 7 times as much as the average man trying to disguise how she looks.

Women also buy most of the paint, wallpaper, shrubs, and flowers, often with a view to making rooms and yards appear bigger than they are.

Is this incredible level of spending on appearance because women think men and other women are shallow?

I don't think so. I think it is because in North American culture appearance counts for much. In mainstream North American culture, men, women and children are aesthetically oriented.

For most women to complain about men trying to look good would be hypocritical for most North American women. But not for those who don't wear makeup.
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