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 Md Cowboy
Joined: 7/22/2007
Msg: 34
What's equality in a guy's wants for a woman?Page 5 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
Equality is not natural, it will not endure in a relationship. Equality is exactly why the divorce rate has skyrocked and men and women seek out the same sex for marriage. It is just plain wrong and will not survive.
 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 35
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What's equality in a guy's wants for a woman?
Posted: 6/29/2008 9:58:21 AM

Equality is not natural, it will not endure in a relationship.

Oddly enough, I just made a post on another thread that kind of supported your post there. Hmm, what is your idea of equality I wonder?
I'll make a sports analogy, and if hockey isn't your thing, just switch up the sport in your mind. The one carrying the puck might be leading at the moment, but no where near as effectively if his team mate isn't in position to either take a pass or tie up the other team. Many goals get scored by one player because the other one was there providing a place for the puck to go. Even if you don't touch the puck on a play your presence is important to making that play happen.

Just as team sports are dynamic, constantly switching roles between offense and defense, so is the roles people play in a relationship. You get further if you are a good two-way player. That's what I think effective equality is... the ability to read the play and know if, in this moment, your role is to lead, follow or get out of the way. Someone who thinks they have to carry the puck all of the time isn't really an effective team player... sometimes ya just gotta pass the puck to make the play.
 CadWhiz
Joined: 5/14/2008
Msg: 36
What's equality in a guy's wants for a woman?
Posted: 6/29/2008 10:00:22 AM

WeAre1: and OP, why don't you ask your friend what he meant? (save us all guessing)

Because she's already gotten an answer and doesn't like it / doesn't agree with it /wants ammunition?

I don't believe this is an either/or thing. Men and women are similar in some basic ways, but very, very different in some big basic ways as well. There is also so much variation between individual people that questions like this will always get bogged down with 'but that doesn't fit ME' responses. I also think this is yet another issue that is hugely influenced by the era you grew up in, and whether you had siblings of the opposite gender; what your work environment is. If you had no siblings or siblings of all the same gender, you are maybe more likely to see the other gender as an alien race. If you work exclusively with your gender you might stray toward a skewed view of the other gender (especially if your coworkers spout that kind of stuff).

People with a more traditional, old fashioned outlook are more likely to lean towards the genders being "different". I'd have to place myself on that side of the scale, but it is kept in check by growing up with brothers (damned pesky little buggers) and working in an almost completely male environment. I don't see it as a problem until you run into someone who feels the need to see the other gender as inferior. So you get the male-bashing or dumb blond jokes in the email. And surprisingly to me, I'll get those with a nasty little hostile edge to them far more often from people who place themselves on the 'equality' side of the scale than the 'vive la difference' side.

The trick is finding the person with the big, basic things that agree - outlook on life, personal integrity and honor, what you want your life to look like.

But – the other area I think people have wildly varying ideas about is whether their SO should be just like them and share outlook, interests, opinions, amount of time spent together, or whether they are comfortable with differences. If one person is completely rattled by the idea that their SO has separate interests, friends, and can still feel close while spending time outside the relationship, it won't matter how alike they are in everything else, and how equal they try to make the division of work and salary and giving and cooking and sex and laundry and who takes out the trash. They're going to feel slighted if the other person spends time doing that interest or being with friends apart from them. If one person feels threatened by the other having different opinions and is not comfortable batting those ideas around and lobbing opinions back and forth (this assumes a respectful, fun, pleasant exchange of ideas, not arguments), it won't matter how many other things are perfectly aligned.

If you are comfortable with the idea that the other person having separate hobbies or different opinions or deep connections to family and friends doesn't dilute their connection to you, you'll probably be more likely to embrace other differences as well.

Jules
 allpafla
Joined: 3/7/2007
Msg: 37
One Guy's View
Posted: 6/29/2008 10:08:52 AM
Equality in a relationship means that you are both equally invested in making the relationship work. It is give and take on both sides. Counselors will tell you that any relationship that is one sided, one person giving and the other taking, is not one that will work.
If both parties joyfully give to their partner all that they are and have to give, that relationship will flourish and grow strong and both will be happy.
 ManeRider
Joined: 5/22/2005
Msg: 41
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What's equality in a guy's wants for a woman?
Posted: 6/29/2008 1:01:36 PM

Just as team sports are dynamic, constantly switching roles between offense and defense, so is the roles people play in a relationship. You get further if you are a good two-way player. That's what I think effective equality is... the ability to read the play and know if, in this moment, your role is to lead, follow or get out of the way. Someone who thinks they have to carry the puck all of the time isn't really an effective team player... sometimes ya just gotta pass the puck to make the play.


That's a great analogy, Margo.
Having cast aside the universal roles men and women played, prior to feminist uprising, there's an everpresent desire to redefine the definition of equality, and boths sides of the coin have agendas. But someone truly open-minded, someone truly seeking equality, is a good team player, someone who's watching to pass the puck effectively, or to take the lead and make the shot, given whatever the best choice to make is.

We could all use some of that discipline.
 2HEDZ
Joined: 3/16/2005
Msg: 45
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What's equality in a guy's wants for a woman?
Posted: 6/29/2008 7:55:42 PM
equality is just a word. it doesnt mean anything when it comes to people. a relationship is never equal. someone always defers to the other depending on the situation.
 thatswhatshesaid
Joined: 12/28/2007
Msg: 47
What's equality in a guy's wants for a woman?
Posted: 6/29/2008 9:15:20 PM
When someone says "I want to find my equal" I immediately get the sneeking suspicion that they think they're better than everyone else and they'd like to find someone who is "worthy" of them.

I assume they tell themselves their last relationship failed because their partner was exceedingly common and not up to the task of matching them.

Looking for my "equal" has a pretty positive ring to it on the surface, but it smacks of blame shifting, lingering just below.
 smileee4u
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 52
What's equality in a guy's wants for a woman?
Posted: 6/30/2008 11:09:51 AM
I do what I enjoy... and hire out the rest. Then, if a guy I'm dating comes around and wants to help out around the place.... I consider it that he's enjoying doing some fixing. That way, everything is done and we're having fun.
 Capitano_Blaugh
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 53
What's equality in a guy's wants for a woman?
Posted: 7/2/2008 4:28:23 PM

I think that wanting a woman who uses power tools is hardly equality. It's rather effeminate.


I agree completely. Women have a FAR wider array of power tools available to them compared with what men have.

You guys have purple power tools, long and hard power tools, small buzzing power tools, adjustable power tools, crooked power tools, wobbly power tools, double headed power tools... and the list goes ON....

.... we have a magazine and some lube.

Sheesh.....
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 54
What's equality in a guy's wants for a woman?
Posted: 7/2/2008 4:44:54 PM

The man generally was the one who made all decisions relating to children, finances etc.
The woman was generally the submissive one and did not question her husband's authority.

But many of these traditional wives were VERY adept at making the man's life a slow quiet HELL if she disagreed with his decisions...
Cindy O
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 56
What's equality in a guy's wants for a woman?
Posted: 7/2/2008 5:07:56 PM
john.duke12


I don't what you two are talking about.

Well, for all that you were able to express an opinion about the statements.

Actually, your perception is probably the most accurate. The statement I made was meant to be humor with a core of truth. I'm not talking about the man and woman abusing one another,simply that the lady made her hubby's life a little less pleasant; too much starch in his boxers, "forgetting" his favorite foods and "remembering" his UNfavorite ones.

Dude, who stole your sense of humor? Why are you here on a dating site? Are you looking for a woman to punish for what some other woman has done to you?
I refer to your mesg 66;

Most women have no capability to love a man.What does a woman do in the relationship? Its the men paying for dates, cooking , buying gifts, giving massages, offering support, planning picnics and days out, driving her around. It should be equal from the start but women are selfish. If a man is ever getting as much as he gives or more every woman will tell her he is being abusive and to get out.

If you REALLY think women are such pieces of sh*t, why are you even ON a dating site??
Cindy O
 GrandmaBooBoo
Joined: 12/30/2006
Msg: 57
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What's equality in a guy's wants for a woman?
Posted: 7/2/2008 5:18:09 PM

e·qual
–adjective
1. as great as; the same as...

For those of you who say "equal" doesn't mean "the same as", I want some of whatever you're smokin'.
I'd have to TOTALLY AGREE with him.
As for the pound of feathers or pound of lead argument. True also. However, in order to BE EQUAL....the feathers have to be a much greater VOLUME. Using that argument (which I believe in) that just because something is harder for me because I'm smaller than men....does NOT give me a pass on doing the EQUAL work. If I upheld that argument...then I'd only be paid a fraction of what my male co-workers earn. Since I wanted "equality in pay....I accept the extra energy (volume) that I have to expend in order to actually BE "equal". Anything else is a farce.

That's right, only women have the right to be CHEAP DATES!

-which isn't equality, though that never seems to sink in with many.
Correct again. Any man who can't handle me paying 50% or me doing 50% of the work load....had better look elsewhere. I neither want an "unequal partner" NOR will I be an "unequal partner".


But someone truly open-minded, someone truly seeking equality, is a good team player, someone who's watching to pass the puck effectively, or to take the lead and make the shot, given whatever the best choice to make is.
Agreed again. I have NEVER been able to figure out how these women (in movies) can just stand there and scream while their man is getting the $hit kicked out of him by the bad guy....based on the fact that ....she's female and too girly to pick up a baseball bat and whack the bad guy over the head. Doesn't she realize that her man is ALL that stands between her and the bad guy???? Does she think that when the bad guy is done he's going to ignore her because she's "different"? Yet, I see the same kinds of things happen in REAL LIFE every day. The more "feminine" the women...the worse they are. Resting on the arrogance of being "feminists"....equal but different....they'll let their men worry themselves into ulcers over a lay off or broken leg....but they won't get off their butts to help the guy out because.....it's "not their job".


I dated a woman who didn't know how to check the oil in her car, and I knew another one who I had to teach to put air in her tires. The guy probably doesn't want someone like THAT. What's effeminate about wanting a woman who can do the same things you can do? I don't personally need someone like that, but I can understand where the guy is coming from.
Please, tell me....what IS the difference between a woman learning to check her oil or put air in a tire.....and a man learning to change a baby's diaper or operate a washing machine? To me, THIS is where the "inequality" comes in. There is no physical handicap by virtue of size and strength when it comes to checking the oil and putting air in a tire.....yet so many women who claim equality still cling to those things being "the man's job".....AS is changing the baby, doing the dishes, the laundry, and being sensitive, always remembering special dates, blah, blah, blah. I mean, come on now.......I taught my ex how to tie a perfect bow and how to braid our 3 daughters hair. It probably looked pretty dang stupid to the neighbors when he left for church with 3 perfect little girls....and 2 hrs later when I got home from work (3rd shift) that I was outside chopping firewood. It's whats called....EQUALITY.


I agree completely. Women have a FAR wider array of power tools available to them compared with what men have.
LOL!!!! so true! But that doesn't mean that MY tool box does not include, drills, (electric, pneumatic and cordless) a circular saw, and impact wrench, a jig saw, a chain saw, a grinder, and a router.

I want a partner. I want mutual problem solving. I want things to be even. I don't want to be shoe horned into things because I'm "the man."
I agree. An equal partner is equal in problem solving, responsibility and accountability.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 58
What's equality in a guy's wants for a woman?
Posted: 7/2/2008 5:48:21 PM

And if someone can prove my statement wrong I would be quite happy to admit I was wrong.

I seriously doubt that, because;

But that is what most relationships are like.

you've made up your mind already.

It sometimes slips my mind that not everyone is on a dating site or wherever, looking for a serious relationship. I guess you would be one of those who aren't?
Which is perfectly OK, of course, but if you are just looking for somebody to hang out with, casual dating or someone to have sex with, seems like it would be easier to find that in real time venues.
Cindy O
 WeAre1
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 59
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What's equality in a guy's wants for a woman?
Posted: 7/2/2008 5:56:59 PM

Most women have no capability to love a man.What does a woman do in the relationship? Its the men paying for dates, cooking , buying gifts, giving massages, offering support, planning picnics and days out, driving her around. It should be equal from the start but women are selfish. If a man is ever getting as much as he gives or more every woman will tell her he is being abusive and to get out.

JD12...I see you're still bashing women on a grand scale. I don't see any woman here being equal in your bashing persistance.
 GREENEYES269
Joined: 7/30/2006
Msg: 62
What's equality in a guy's wants for a woman?
Posted: 7/4/2008 4:10:28 PM
There is only a little equality between us. The true question is do women want to be treated as equals or a little better. When it all comes down to it I would rather have one thats wants to be treated as she treats me. When we treat each other with respect and compasion only then can get a true grasp on equality. Try listening to Michelle Branch You Set Me free
 ManeRider
Joined: 5/22/2005
Msg: 64
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What's equality in a guy's wants for a woman?
Posted: 7/5/2008 6:16:17 AM

(gvnage) They said the order of things in nature. Lo and behold, after knowing these guys for 20 years, suddenly a mutual friend of ours let the cat out of the bag that they had both had huge crushes on me. I never ever would have guessed that. Why? bc they, in their interactions with me came from the total 'equality' standpoint. There was no wooing as I am used to the idea. Everything was even, fair and square, and I always assumed they were just friends and only interested in being friends. So, moral of the story in my expereince, is that whatever a man puts into dating you, is how much he will convince you that you truly matter to him, or that he is interested in pursuing you. I guess sometimes we women need those big flashing neon signs

This is often a terrible cross that I bear. I see so many men giving off those big red flashing neon signs in hopes of woooing the woman they're interested in, but the outspoken braggert mentality just cuts against my grain. I recall a young lady I was inspired to meet, and everytime I was around her, my heart raced, blood pressure went up, palms got sweaty, and I knew she was right for me. Turns out, though, I came across as just the average guy, no real agenda, and so she disregarded much of what I did in order to gain her attention. So, while I can agree this is natures way, I dont' particccccaauularly feel it's right for everyone. I mean, we're not the sulfur crested c0ckatoos of the Amazon, nor the African greys of the bird world. IN other words, I've long since believed women would find the more demure, cerebral, quiet guys just as attractive as the guys who beat their chest's and dance on tabletops. But, maybe my premonitions are wrong. Maybe I'm destined to be a recluse all of my life. (j/k) Is that why i'm on this dating site, after 3 years? LOL Posting in forums instead of hitting the town or doing backyard grilling with my lovebird? I give up!!!
 itsmekenny
Joined: 2/17/2007
Msg: 65
What's equality in a guy's wants for a woman?
Posted: 9/20/2008 10:26:02 AM
If this man is looking for a woman to be his equal, and he will never find a woman. Because, men and women are not now nor have we ever been nor will we ever be, equal. That's just the way it is. So when he says he wants a woman to be his equal, I'm not sure if it means you have to be as masculine as he is, or maybe he is a metrosexual who wants to justify being as feminine as you. And if that's the case, keep a sharp eye out on your cosmetics, because he is likely to use them. Is that what he's talking about? Hell if I know. Like a next-door neighbor has always told her husband, if you want to marry your equa, go marry a man.

kenny
 GoneSailinBabe
Joined: 7/6/2008
Msg: 66
What's equality in a guy's wants for a woman?
Posted: 10/8/2008 5:36:38 PM
Does the one with the most tools win?
I have an aluminum enclosed trailer with every tool DeWalt ever thought of making...

Do I get to keep one?
 *Just Jim*
Joined: 7/6/2007
Msg: 67
What's equality in a guy's wants for a woman?
Posted: 10/8/2008 5:53:59 PM

Do I get to keep one?


De Walt? Made in Iowa?

I have Milwaukee, are they compatible?

Bottom line....whether it be work or play,.two heads are better then one......

Equality does not matter as long as the ,beliefs, similarity, goals are together for yourself and your partner collectively.

Does that make sense?
 head.cloud123
Joined: 5/29/2009
Msg: 68
What's equality in a guy's wants for a woman?
Posted: 6/21/2009 6:57:25 PM

I guess sometimes we women need those big flashing neon signs. You can accuse us of being 'demanding' etc, but, I think its just part of our inner programming. And when one looks at nature as my Russian friends even advised, at least the male of the species gets out and shakes his tail feathers or fights off the other moose, etc to have his 'prized' femme. And as for her, she doesn't usually have to strut around and do the same, just look like a good potential candidate-which for human purposes translates to being the best person we can be on our own in all of our various ways.


I don't think all women are like this. Just because something is natural doesn't make it right.

This is pretty insulting to women who don't use or emotionally abuse men.
 karma1160
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 69
What's equality in a guy's wants for a woman?
Posted: 6/21/2009 7:08:09 PM
I really struggle with assigned gender roles because eventhough most of the men I have met in my life had these ideas in their head I did not grow up this way.

So I think that equality is great as long as it goes both ways.
I personaly truly wish I would have been taught how to use power tools as it is I have had to learn on my own because I am on my own so improvisation and adaptability are things that are part of my everyday life.

I personaly think that some people are better at certain things and others better at others and whoever has the most desire and ease in performing a task should go for it.

I think most people dont have the foggiest idea of what true equality in a relationship is.
As long as things come out fairly even where no one feels taken advantage of who cares who does what?
 cdbergerac
Joined: 5/23/2009
Msg: 72
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What's equality in a guy's wants for a woman?
Posted: 6/21/2009 10:01:24 PM
Equal

From the Latin aequalis meaning level or even. Alike as in quantity, degree, value or size; of the same rank, ability, or merit.

Run away from somebody who is looking for their equal. We are challenged to our greatest potential when we are around our superiors, and that is as true in dating as it is in cooking or anything else. Romance will be the best when both parties genuinely believe the other is better, and desire to rise to that value.

"This is a friendship of actions and of mutual perfecting. For each
forms in himself, as it were, the excellent qualities which please
him in the other by taking each other as a pattern"
(Aristotle, Nicomachean ethics)
 mrcs84
Joined: 12/9/2008
Msg: 73
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What's equality in a guy's wants for a woman?
Posted: 6/22/2009 9:59:32 AM
They want you to take the trash out
Make as much money as them or more
Pay for all your expenses on trips and sometimes cover theirs
Never expect them to carry your groceries from the car to the kitchen for you
Have sex with them whenever they feel like it
Don't expect an expensive(or inexpensive) birthday/christmas/valentines present
If you go out you always expected to pay dutch
If you move in together you better be ready to pay for half or more of te expenses.

Um yea...and the issue with ANY of that would be...........what?


She must have the mentality of "whats yours is ours, and what's mine is mine."


exactly how are women cheap dates?

He pays with his wallet, she pays with her presence.....


If you are asking them out?

seeing how the supermajority of women don't ask guys for some [lame] reason or another.


What do they do to be a cheap date?

You pretty much already asked this question


Is it When they don't put out? After you buy them a burrito and a soda?

Seeing how women get something out of sex as well, I really wish they would stop griping about this whole thing. But no its just the fact that there is little/no reciprocation at all after the guy has shelled out money and jumped through a bunch of hoops to get the gal to like him.


They don't want to pay for your drink and hers too?

gawd, these questions just get worse and worse.


Come back as a blond stacked woman on your next life buddy. It sounds like you are a little jealous of women there. I might be wrong.

I guess having someone to stare at, regardless of the rest of her qualities, is the determining factor in whether or not I should be pandering for her affections. The dating world makes so much sense now.

 daveincarson
Joined: 1/15/2008
Msg: 74
What's equality in a guy's wants for a woman?
Posted: 6/22/2009 10:28:38 AM
One rule I have learned the very hard way is to NEVER MARRY "DOWN".

Marry across, a tad below you or a tad above you.

Otherwise you can kiss your retirement, the house, good bye and will probably get tagged with vaginamony and child support if you have kids.

I've just seen it way too many times.. The wife who makes very little money, is lazy and adulterous, benefits a LOT when you split. If you marry a woman who is your equal, then you won't lose so much. That has never made sense to me. When you marry down, you end up working so very hard for everything.. only to lose it in the end.
When you marry up or evenly, you both split everything 50/50. If you have ever been the one to marry "down" and lost a LOT after your divorce, you'll know what I am talking about.
Women can get VERY nasty and materialistic in a divorce.
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