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 desertrhino
Joined: 11/30/2007
Msg: 3
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Should your ex take your kids if you're sick?Page 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Yep. My ex-wife might even do that. I *have* done it for her. She owes me. :)
 ~JustSimplyMe~
Joined: 8/18/2006
Msg: 6
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Should your ex take your kids if you're sick?
Posted: 6/29/2008 2:50:30 PM
Yes he should have...but shoulda coulda woulda doesn't help anyone.

My ex would and did come help when I was very ill. I was on bed rest for 2-3weeks until my anemia was under control. Pretty hard to take care of a 3 and 5yr old from the bedroom.

I'm sorry your ex didn't come help you out.....but he didn't HAVE to.
 EdwardPartSix
Joined: 4/6/2007
Msg: 7
Should your ex take your kids if you're sick?
Posted: 6/29/2008 3:30:38 PM
Maybe he actually did have to go to work. Work is like that.
 Northern Lights
Joined: 9/17/2004
Msg: 9
Should your ex take your kids if you're sick?
Posted: 6/30/2008 5:19:33 AM
As a single parent, the ONLY person you can rely on 100% is you. Not the kids other parent, not anyone else. YOU.

Yes, at times it sucks, especially when you're really sick, and with a 2 year old and a baby, but could the 13 year old not help out a bit?

When I first split with my ex, we were not on good terms, not at all. He'd do little things for me here and there when it came to our son, but he was so resentful of me that he could be a bit selfish at times, kind of an "I'll show her" attitude. Whatever, my parents would take my son if I was that deathly ill that I couldn't look after him (happened only once or twice).

Our relationship is better now, and he has done things for me, like when my mom passed away, he took our son for a week to allow me time to completely fall apart and try and help make the arrangements, if I had to go somewhere, he'd keep kiddo longer for me on his visitation nights, etc... but again, I do the same for him, I'll switch weekends with him if he's got plans on his weekends with kiddo, I'll change his weekday visitation if he's got something on the go, it has to work both ways.

Don't get me wrong, I'm still the one who has to take time off work to take him to appointments or pick him up from school if he's not feeling well, dad refuses to take time off work, 'can't afford it' he tells me.

Whatever...

In the end we both do what we can, but the brunt of it falls on my shoulders, which in the end, is totally ok with me, because he is my son after all. I do expect dad to take some responsibility, but face it, we can't control the actions of others, only ourselves.

If dad wont help, find someone else who will. There will be times down the road where you'll need help again, and it's always good to have a backup plan for the times that dad is not able to be there. Can't do much about it, getting angry and upset about it isn't going to do much for the situation either. Yes, it'd be nice if the fathers (or mothers, whatever the case may be) stepped up to the plate when they're needed, but we don't live in a perfect world, and because of that, one should always have a "Plan B".
 EdwardPartSix
Joined: 4/6/2007
Msg: 10
Should your ex take your kids if you're sick?
Posted: 6/30/2008 8:55:32 AM

Well the place isn't worth working for than. No matter what my family comes first. I can always get another job, I can't get another family.


It sounds like has a good job, and I'm sure the OP would rather have a child support check than have him come over once in a blue moon to watch the kids. I have a good job with lots of flexibility, too, but sometimes I have to go in. The flu is harsh, but doesn't seem like an emergency. Michael Jordan played basketball with the flu. Personally, this just seems like the OP is trying to exert some control over her ex.
 obmij2
Joined: 6/17/2008
Msg: 12
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Should your ex take your kids if you're sick?
Posted: 6/30/2008 11:16:35 AM
I am fighting with my ex because she will not let me take our son when she is sick. There is nothing wrong with me and I take care of him well when she lets me. Custody has not been decided because she and her attourny are stalling. In my case it is a control issue.
 EdwardPartSix
Joined: 4/6/2007
Msg: 13
Should your ex take your kids if you're sick?
Posted: 6/30/2008 11:21:56 AM
I'm just saying behappy that he has a job. If you were throwing up blood, then he could be an ***hole for going to work. But if you didn't need a doctor, I don't know why he would have to skip work to come take care of your family.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 15
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Should your ex take your kids if you're sick?
Posted: 6/30/2008 12:17:21 PM
Face it, he will NEVER be there for you. It would have been the decent thing to do but from your previous posts he's not a decent man. Couldn't you have called a family member or in-law if you were that ill????
 obmij2
Joined: 6/17/2008
Msg: 17
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Should your ex take your kids if you're sick?
Posted: 6/30/2008 1:23:22 PM
Jeez forget the schedule! Do what is best for the child any time any day. Ts far as I am concerned that is all there is to it. I can certainly understand being mad enough at my ex to not wish to help her...but I'd do it any way because it is the right thing to do and the right thing for my child.
 janofc
Joined: 6/1/2008
Msg: 18
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Should your ex take your kids if you're sick?
Posted: 7/1/2008 6:30:38 AM
I sure wish all parents involved in this situation would realize that the needs of the children should come first. I had a virus last year that put me in the bed for two days. Luckily I had people that could take the kids to school and the children are old enough to fend for themselves. No matter what is issues between the parents- sometimes you have to step up to the plate for the child.
 EdwardPartSix
Joined: 4/6/2007
Msg: 19
Should your ex take your kids if you're sick?
Posted: 7/1/2008 10:42:32 AM
I guess if the choice is to get out of bed and be miserable or make someone miss work, the answer should be to get out of bed.
 PMC00
Joined: 9/6/2007
Msg: 21
Should your ex take your kids if you're sick?
Posted: 7/1/2008 5:44:33 PM
I have taken the kids when my ex has been sick or didn't pick them up because she was sick (about 90% of the time she does this is a lie). I love my kids and want to spend all my time with them so any chance I get I take it. On the other hand my son knows that his mom lies about being sick so she doesn't have to pick them up. Sad when a child knows this. My sitter is on call 24/7 so I have no problem with having someone watch the kids, or even my brother sometimes is available for short periods.
 ChocolateNutt
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 22
Should your ex take your kids if you're sick?
Posted: 7/27/2008 10:34:58 AM
Yes, the other parent has the obligation to step up to the plate and provide care for his/her children when the parent who normally does is too sick. I would not say he's obligated because the usual parent doesn't feel like looking after them, but illness, emergencies are reasonable situations.

Nutt
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 23
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Should your ex take your kids if you're sick?
Posted: 8/4/2008 4:51:00 PM
Lanney, you live in a world where the other parent would take care of the child when the two were together. Many don't. My X never took care of the kids even when I was recuperating from c-sections, a tubal with the last one and a hysterectomy two years later. He had to be told a year and a half ago to take off work to take care of his kids when he had five weeks of vacation coming four days after I went into the hospital and finally lapsed into a coma. He was called very early in the morning and didn't show up to find out where to pick up his kids until that afternoon.

I don't ever count on my X for anything because I am a parent 24/7, he is a parent when it suits him. The 2-year-old was in good hands and the older child did fine with the baby so you are wasting energy being pissed about something that is already over and done with and will continue to waste energy similarly in the future if you don't get a grip on yourself. I don't mean that to sound harsh at all but the only person you can control is yourself and if you continue to allow these feelings, he has control over you when you really want to be free of him.

OP, this man is never going to change and you need to think like you have no resource in him because you don't. I went through a similar situation when my youngest was still nursing, probably 6 months or younger. My daughter was 8. I had a migraine and was puking and unable to move. Poor kid had to take care of her brother for at least four or five hours. There were neighbors that could have been called if it got too much for her and thankfully after the first couple of hours, I was at least able to speak and be some sort of resource if she had problems taking care of him.

As others have noted, make sure you have your support source but also next time try something different. Hey, I am sick, and mom is taking the kids but I thought I should let you know because as the joint custodian, when different arrangements are made you should be given the opportunity to spend time with your children if you wish. Bees respond better to honey than vinegar; he then has the incentive of quality time with his children and looking somewhat an ass if he turns you down. Win win for you.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 24
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Should your ex take your kids if you're sick?
Posted: 8/4/2008 7:52:54 PM
^^^^^ Then you won't do anything for your child. While I can understand your feelings having dealt with my X's difficult X, you put things behind you and think about what is best for your child rather than who comes out on the top of a certain situation. You don't answer your x's calls so if she winds up in the hospital and cannot pick up your child and her back-ups fall through, where does that leave your child?

My stepson was moved more than 100 miles away from his father and his mother would occasionally agree to meet halfway to bring him home but would always bail at the last minute. Now, some people would not have made the extra trips to pick him up not wanting to get screwed yet again but who is that really hurting? The child. So you suck it up and do it anyway.

We teach our children by example and can either take the high road or make a different choice. If you continue to behave in the way you would if your X were different even when she is obviously not, you show your child that you are not willing to allow other people's behavior to change yours or to alter your beliefs about what is right and what is wrong. You can choose to have a good divorce whether she does or not and you might find that she quits her b.s. when you are no longer being jerked around by her.

The thing you need to realize is that your child sees everything. What she does, what you do, and even if it is not understood at this time because of age and at least one of you trying to keep the child out of the middle, it is all taken in, the good and the bad, and eventually the child makes up his/her own mind.
 ChocolateNutt
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 25
Should your ex take your kids if you're sick?
Posted: 8/4/2008 8:17:06 PM

When someone helps us out as a single parent...we should appreciate it...but certainly not expect it.


She's not a single parent. That's the whole point. She had a partner who committed to having children and now has a new life. The new life doesn't excuse him from the responsibility of his children. He has an obligation for LIFE to help with their welfare.

She can say thank you but that's a nicety not an obligation. She should not have to beg him to help his own children, that's ridiculous. And to say that people shouldn't expect anything from their expartners for the sake of a relationship is even more ridiculous.

The parents with the children living them didn't abdicate responsibility or create totally new lives for them but you think it should be ok for the parent who doesn't have the children living with them to only be responsible when it's convenient.

These are not hobbies, they're CHILDREN. Their welfare is not optional.

Nutt
 Northern Lights
Joined: 9/17/2004
Msg: 28
Should your ex take your kids if you're sick?
Posted: 8/4/2008 8:47:35 PM
At the end of the day, the fact remains that you CANNOT make a parent be a parent. Either he (or she) wants to, or they don't.

No amount of arguing, hissy fits, threats or manipulation is going to make these people change.

The way I look at it, is if you are the custodial parent, and the non custodial parent can't step up to the plate, then you're on your own. No sense in beating a dead horse and fighting it, because all that does is just winds you up.

Do they have a responsibility to their children?? You bet your a$$ they do, but if they choose to be irresponsible, not much you can do about it.

It'd be a perfect world if both parents raised their children, even if they're apart, but I think we're all grown up enough to know its NOT a perfect world, and sometimes we just need to turn our backs on those who piss us off and do the best we can with what we have to work with.

Getting all wound up about a deadbeat parent is not going to do anything other then stress you out. It's stressful enough raising kids on your own, why add to it? In the end, the kids will see who was there for them, and who was not. Do the best you can, that's all one can do.
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