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Joined: 3/1/2008
Msg: 146
Does our partner have the right to know?Page 4 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
OP Open those little ears pop open that little brain of yours. If you are in love with this woman, are you going to beat her up over her past mistakes???? If God can forgive, then why can't you?

I always knew there were a billion things wrong with my ex husband. He called me a tart every day and attacked me. I knew something was wrong with him and was going to find out. I managed to get some people to tell me the truth of one of his M A N Y double lives. They told me prior to marrying me he has amarried live in girlfriend named Shirley that he was shagging. Anyway, he told me that he lived alone and was alone. L I E!!!! Moved out of Shirley's into my house and married me!!!!!!Then called ME a tart because HE is a tart!!!!
My father gave some "marriage saving advice". Cynthia, forget everything that he has done and put it behind you. ((((((((((((((((((It is the past))))))))))))))))))))))))
Do you hear what my father said?????? And if you want this to work just LET IT GO.

Well,these are his words and he is very common scence smart!!! I suggest the same to you. Love her. Forget it > Do NOT Bring it up only to talk kindly! Let IT GO. Turn It Over to GOD. Or you will be a miserable brother, and you are doing it to yourself when you could be happy with the woman that you love.
Joined: 3/1/2008
Msg: 153
Does our partner have the right to know?
Posted: 7/11/2008 8:03:00 AM
I have never understiood the argument that your partner doesn't have the right to know something personal, especially sexual. It's called "PARTNER" for a reason.

The best relationships are ones where a couple is open, honest, and willing to share and grow together. Openness and communication are totally important. Finding out something that repels you about your partner after a long or costly investment can be a rude awakening and is better addressed early.

People need to be more open about who they are, what they believe, and what they have done. My own profile reflects that. I may get less bites, but I'll know that the ones who do bite are comfortable with what they know about me and I won't have to worry about it coming up later.

Although the time is different for everybody, I believe that at some point the past should be completely open to a partner and the two should work together to overcome any issues that come of it without anger, jealousy, or hurt. Of course this isn't always possible, but it's much easier if the relationship is more honest and up-front from the get go.
Joined: 8/10/2006
Msg: 154
Does our partner have the right to know?
Posted: 1/29/2013 6:59:20 PM
Any woman that has f.ucked 25 different guys, is a whore!!! And she "ain't" through f.ucking yet! I would dump her A$$ and never look back!!! She will be up to 50 in no time!!!
Joined: 8/8/2012
Msg: 155
Does our partner have the right to know?
Posted: 1/29/2013 7:25:42 PM
Depends but on my side, I prefer to buy her a bags, she will be so happy then after that no problems on the table, no secrets.... Hi hi
Joined: 1/20/2013
Msg: 156
Does our partner have the right to know?
Posted: 1/29/2013 11:56:27 PM
I think examining why you came to like her in the first place may answer your question. Was it because of the amount of partners she had or didn't have, or who she is, her character, her personality?

Then examine what’s important to you.

I think individuals should talk about whatever they please, and being honest with ourselves and any potential partner regarding what we're looking for and our comfort level about questions will make choosing a partner more comfortable.

If somebody asks you a question, check if you feel comfortable, ask them if what they ask is a deal breaker. Ultimately... we want people who want the true us... not any lie we've created.
Joined: 4/4/2012
Msg: 157
view profile
Does our partner have the right to know?
Posted: 1/30/2013 9:05:24 AM
Personally ...I don't want to know and wouldn't believe them , if they told me

The only time I expect an answer like that , is if she is currently hanging out with him
while in a relationship with me , and then a lie will definitely get you the boot
Joined: 9/26/2012
Msg: 159
Does our partner have the right to know?
Posted: 1/30/2013 12:17:57 PM
Re: post 206. This from a man who declared in April 2012 that he had at least 60 sex partners, not sure if that includes the threesomes as well as the men who he received bj's from. Pot kettle black.
Joined: 12/4/2012
Msg: 160
Does our partner have the right to know?
Posted: 1/30/2013 12:41:28 PM
I have actually written about this for magazines. Women generally say 3 partners for each period of single hood. Why?
Because some men are so haunted. I don't have a long history or anything that I am trying to hide. (Not saying it couldn't have happened, just married most of my life.)

Don't ask about anything except health. It always gets thrown back & if you ask a question that we KNOW women generally lie about, it is the start of a vicious circle. Even books on dating suggest women say three, but with an a way that says "ask a stupid question...get a stupid answer."

I believe there are two ways that sexual patterns matter. Both are in the present. What are your feelings about dating/monogamy. What is your current health & how long since a check-up?

After all, it only takes on "wrong" partner to cause a health issue & I assume you would not be having this conversation with a virgin.

Once you start talking about the past, there is very little chance it won't creep into your current relationship.
Joined: 4/4/2012
Msg: 161
view profile
Does our partner have the right to know?
Posted: 1/30/2013 12:45:14 PM

The first thing those crackpot religions, run by men of course,do , is enforce laws, yes you guessed it about women's sexuality.

Religious leaders are not practicing hypnosis, or other mind control.(barring some extreme nutcase)
The women who join , join voluntary .
Religion has no control over an individual except , what control the individual gives it .
If these women choose to treat their body and sex in a certain way ..its their right.

You sound bitter because the world won't yield to suit your needs

But to the post , I would never tell a partner , unless it was a extreme situation dire to
the survival of the relationship,
Joined: 11/10/2012
Msg: 162
Does our partner have the right to know?
Posted: 1/30/2013 12:49:21 PM
Well my belief is past is past ,,,but to even ask your other partner or be questioed about it,,??? it is something that changes people 's opinion about the other partner,good or bad,and allows them then to judge them as they see fit. If YOU really love them and know your vows you took (if yr married)on that wedding day,then you should already know the answer and if yr not married and really love them also ,,,like i said past is past....Sincerly,,,Michael,,, everything happens for a reason...
Joined: 1/26/2013
Msg: 163
Does our partner have the right to know?
Posted: 2/7/2013 12:35:45 PM
It's not like she was cheating on you at the time with those men. And I think she felt ashame telling you the truth. Sometimes its better not to say anything about the past. Even though she lied about it because you really wanted that information, you spent years being with this woman. All those years being together are now wasted because you don't have respect for her. It is her past, and it's not like she's doing you wrong currently.
Joined: 1/29/2013
Msg: 164
Does our partner have the right to know?
Posted: 2/7/2013 1:08:27 PM
I personally have a strong opinion about this particular topic. If I really want to be with a woman and spend the rest of my life with her, I don't want to hide who I am from her. I want her to know and understand who I am, where I came from (as a person), and what makes me the great man I am today. I expect the same openness from her. Therefore, I think partners should talk about their sexual past.

The way I personally view the lying is that if she lied about that, what else has she lied about? I can't be with someone where I'm questioning what's truth and what's a lie. One last thing, I remember reading an article/study where it said that women with higher partner counts also have higher divorce and infidelity rates.
Joined: 12/22/2012
Msg: 165
Does our partner have the right to know?
Posted: 2/7/2013 1:46:10 PM
("She feels that i had no right to know her sexual past in the fist place) Dude, she is right it isn,t your right to know.Neither is it right for her to know your sexual past.Unless she has std,s and that is it.
Joined: 3/23/2009
Msg: 166
view profile
Does our partner have the right to know?
Posted: 2/9/2013 9:27:06 AM
Wow, was that 25 guys in one night?
25 guys in five years?
25 guys in 7 seven days?
25 guys in 25 minutes?
25 guys from 25 long term relationships?

If she is 25, then that would make one a year!

Was she in love with them all?

Wow! If she was doing 25 guys in seven days, I hope she made some big bucks!

Look, human beings have sex, either they are going to be open about it, or they are going to lie about it.

Some people treat it like a golden apple, others treat sex like buying a loaf of bread. You get my point.

The Muslims think they get 25 virgins if they die while killing and blowing up infidels.

Why are men so funny about how many men women have had? I don’t get it.

Unless your girlfriend was making a career out it, it’s none of your business how many guys she banged unless you are considering a long term relationship with her, and even then for some it’s an open book for others it’s part of the past and shouldn’t be brought into a new relationship. STD’s is a serious matter…

I agree though, some people like yourself it was important to you to know, and you were right by “should of, could of” known before you feel in love with her, but that’s not her fault, you should of asked, and if she lied and you found out later if the number she told was a lie, then she lied, period.

Do you forgive her, I don’t know, do you have to be in a box and take the only thing in life to hold against her?
You are in a relationship with her, how many times have you banged her? At this point it’s old cake. You didn’t get an STD and you love her. Get over it.

Relationships come with worse case scenarios.

I just can’t imagine what a twofaced liar you could be… I bet your history isn’t so pure.
Being a guy, maybe I should look at your age, you’ve probably already banged your girlfriend’s best friend, her sister, or at least your neighbor? Your boss? God only knows…

Some people act like sex is only given by the Gods, and they are the chosen ones, please.
Amazes me how people treat other people like a bag of trash, AFTER they stick their d I ck into them, and then all of sudden they have an opinion!
Give me a break!
Joined: 3/23/2009
Msg: 167
view profile
Does our partner have the right to know?
Posted: 2/9/2013 9:47:18 AM
P.S. and if she told you 25, you should probably double it.
Joined: 1/4/2013
Msg: 168
Does our partner have the right to know?
Posted: 2/9/2013 10:19:20 AM
On the subject "not taking her back", I say why read a book again when you know the ending. As far as the past, whenever there is commitment between two people and become a couple, the past must be shared for the reason being, it become who you are and what you will be.
Joined: 1/28/2013
Msg: 169
Does our partner have the right to know?
Posted: 2/9/2013 10:27:19 AM
Funny you mention this. I was having a convo with a co worker the other day about this exact thing. He said when women he dates ask him his number of women hes been with he tells them its none of their business, and he doesnt wanna know their number. According to him, its an insecuirty thing when asking partners for their numbers, when its the past.

IMO Ive always been in relationships where we shared our numbers, but ive also always been with guys who brag about their past. I told my last ex when i found out he claims he was with over 50 women, i didnt really believe it, but i told him I wouldnt judge him based on his past, cuz i wasnt in his past. I asked him, and all other ex's to get tested, but then I only started judging becuz he would brag about all the women he had been with like he derserved some kind of reward or something. So thats what u call an unhealthy relationship.

If you can discuss it without comparing people, and without bringing ex's up constantly or bragging about your past then i say its okay if your mature about it. but sometimes it seems like your past is your past for a reason, so take what you learned from it, and go from there. Dont dwell on the past and take it out on present partners, its not fair.
Joined: 1/29/2013
Msg: 170
Does our partner have the right to know?
Posted: 2/9/2013 12:18:04 PM

This is why I never ask about a woman's past or answer questions about mine.

You sound like you might be suffering from HMP-Hurt Male Pride. It has been responsible for the death of a good many relationships

I remember my oldest brother once telling me to leave a woman's past alone. He said, "the stuff you find out could bring you to your knees and make you cry."
Joined: 8/30/2011
Msg: 171
Does our partner have the right to know?
Posted: 2/9/2013 12:18:23 PM
I agree with you 100%.
Joined: 12/4/2012
Msg: 172
Does our partner have the right to know?
Posted: 2/10/2013 5:29:08 AM
I think your points are all right on target. And if asked in the spirit, no-nonsense way you suggest...the discussion could happen.

I personally have never lied about the past, but I don't have a past with regret. I cannot put myself in someone else's shoes, but after interviewing woman after woman that came completely clean & then had her past thrown at her year's later...I know where this information is coming from.

Perhaps using your guidelines, speaking plainly to your physician about pertinent health information & then sharing it would work.

I actually am working on a piece right now about the "sex talk" & I appreciate your point of view.

As a woman, I will say this. If a healthy, sexually fit life partner is what someone is seeking, the truest indicators might not be verbal.

Are her general habits healthy & health wise? Does she wait to engage in intimate acts until she trusts & really knows the character of her partner (including sexual partner)? Did she ask about sexual health before engaging? Did she engage in safe sexual practices? Does she value her body?

If she is careless & reckless in her other habits...chances are she is sexually careless also...

I will get lambasted here, no doubt. But I have interviewed hundreds of OB/GYNs over the years. But there are plenty of women not technically having "sex" that are spreading disease through their oral sex practices....and doctors are alarmed by the numbers. HIV has ticked up 22% this year.
Joined: 12/4/2012
Msg: 173
Does our partner have the right to know?
Posted: 2/10/2013 5:30:24 AM
Love your brother's advice & as much as some people have responded negatively to what I wrote...seeing those men cry may explain why some women would choose to lie.

Right or wrong.:0
Joined: 12/4/2012
Msg: 174
Does our partner have the right to know?
Posted: 2/10/2013 5:33:12 AM
That's a true statistic. A woman that craves more variety in partners & is not intimacy driven is much more likely to stray.

We all have our weaknesses, as do our's good to know what they are.
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 175
Does our partner have the right to know?
Posted: 2/10/2013 5:35:22 AM
i will double down on that post. girls: double it. guys: 1/2 it. any guy who comes off as bragging is doing so for a reason. if you ask both people those numbers 3 months into their relationship, and then ask again 10 years into it, i bet a months salary that the numbers will be different. this conversation comes up during the early onset of a 'relationship' and doesnt typically come up agian until both parties are so secure that the numbers dont matter. in the beginning those numbers can form an opinion but after several years, they dont mean anything. and heres the way i see it: who is she with now? and is she happy? that is all that matters. 3 months in, or 10 years in.
Joined: 2/3/2013
Msg: 176
Does our partner have the right to know?
Posted: 2/21/2013 12:09:52 AM
1 - Don't ask the question if you can't handle the answer
2- I think it is rude and prudish to ask; there is never a 'right' answer
3- It is none of your business
4- What quaifies you to pass judgement?

The number of partners usually has NO affect on a relationship (unless it brings children I don't know about and/or disease or is made into a movie/movies).

You have to determine not if it is right to take her back, rather you have to determine if YOU can move beyond this issue. You have to determine if the love and relationship you have/had is worth fighting for.....
Relationships go through many speebumps, and problems (anticipated or perceived) how we handle them directly affect the life of our relationships.

Love and disrespect cannot occupy the same space at the same time. Maybe you were just 'in-like' and waiting for a reason to move on.
Joined: 10/8/2010
Msg: 177
Does our partner have the right to know?
Posted: 2/21/2013 10:25:37 AM
Almost everyone lies about their past number of sex partners. I would be upset, but that is not a reason to break up with her.
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