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Joined: 6/28/2008
Msg: 23
Am I missing something here?Page 3 of 3    (1, 2, 3)

1: You're asking the wrong crowd. These are all people who are hoping teh internets will make a magical pony who is both sexy and loyal appear.

I just wanted to point out, that this is wrong. Its called not limiting your options (casting your net far and wide, as my dad said).
Joined: 8/4/2009
Msg: 34
Am I missing something here?
Posted: 8/31/2009 3:01:58 PM
OP I'm with you in the general aversion of "needs" and I pride myself on having minimal needs beyond the basic biological ones; pretty much everything else is optional, a "nice to have" I could live without, relationships and sex included. I also think you shouldn't lose any sleep on what "normal" people and society at large thinks of you, you are who you are and you don't have to be like everybody else.

On the other hand, I'm puzzled when you say more than once that others don't find you attractive. I'm not gonna lie and say you are a perfect ten or anything but you're easily above average on the looks department alone, and from your writing style you seem educated, smart and well spoken. Without further details, I find it hard to believe you're not being approached all the time; are you sure it's not all in your mind or is there any other critical missing information going on here ?
Joined: 8/4/2009
Msg: 36
Am I missing something here?
Posted: 8/31/2009 4:11:09 PM
Is it possible that you have Aspergers ? Aspies have trouble with non-verbal communication so that could explain it, though it's less common in females. Or maybe you have a funny voice ? I don't know, it seems pretty strange.. if it wasn't for the Atlantic between us I'd ask you out myself, out of curiosity if nothing more.
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 38
Am I missing something here?
Posted: 8/31/2009 8:01:25 PM
I think you are wonderful, clauclau. And I don't think your experience would be that uncommon wer it not for the pressures young people place upon themselves to become sexually popular and/or socially 'normal'.

All in all it's a huge headache and with tongue in cheek my reply to your thread title is no, you really aren't missing all that much anyway.
Joined: 8/4/2009
Msg: 41
Am I missing something here?
Posted: 9/23/2009 5:20:05 PM
Have you tried traveling to a mediterranean or south american country ? There's a reason we have Latin lovers but English patients
Joined: 8/18/2009
Msg: 43
Am I missing something here?
Posted: 9/24/2009 9:43:06 AM

it's update time.

you started this thread 1.5 years ago. do you mean in all this time you still can't get a single date? No way I'm buying this, specially for a cute young woman in a huge city. If you can't find a single guy youre attracted to on here that wants to meet you, you have a set of impossible criteria we aren't aware of.

Finding that elusive "mututal attraction" "spark" etc etc is hard I will agree there, but you have to at least put yourself out there. If you have the attitude that you won't even try and something will fall in your lap, obviously you;re finding out that doesn't work so much.
Joined: 12/28/2007
Msg: 48
view profile
Am I missing something here?
Posted: 9/27/2009 10:18:58 PM
From what you have said i don't think there is anything wrong with you and your doing your best to connect with people. Maybe your a bit like me and on a different wave length to the people around you and unlucky in that you haven't had the opportunity to click with someone at the right time and they click with you too and not in a relationship. I guess some people are mis understood and maybe people think that you are someone that you are not and that happens to me a lot too which makes it harder to find love but that is just speculation.
I'm not sure how wide your interests are or what type of community you live in but maybe your just not in a crowd that is similar enough to you to increase the chances of a relationship. The internet helps by exposing you to a far bigger range of people. I understand that you are frustrated by this as it must be really hard as you have that stuck feeling and not knowing how to move forward, and i hope that something changes for you. I just hope that you don't lose hope of connecting with someone and become jaded.
Joined: 3/16/2008
Msg: 55
Am I missing something here?
Posted: 12/26/2009 5:55:47 PM
One question. Do you act in real life similarly to how you type here? If so, that is the problem.

If you act in real life how you type here, then guys are turned off because you would seem like a pretentious (even if it's not an act), insufferable twat.

I am a writer and have no problem understanding the way you type. If I wanted to, I could even use the same writing style. So it's not because I simply don't understand.

Here's an example:

I am at a loss of what to do now.. It is hard to stay positive when there is no positive evidence to suggest being so. The only positivity I have is a sense of ever-wavering faith in the seemingly impossible.

Normal people would say:

"I'm not sure what to do. It's hard to stay positive when there's never been anything to be happy about. The only thing I can do is hope that things will change."

For you to act like that (if you do) just makes you seem snobbish, pretentious, one of the "elite", etc.

Now, other things. If the problem is that anybody you're interested in is not interested in you, it's probably because of your behaviour / personality. Do you act like a generally happy, upbeat person around potential dates? Or do you act all emo and sad, or even worse, in a monotone like you have no emotions?

I can definitely say that your appearance is not the problem since you have decent looks—especially considering there are so many women in London that are fat or have kids while they are still teenagers. It must be your personality. Honestly the only way to tell would be to spend 5 mins hanging out with you. Within the first 20 secs of talking with you I could make a good guess at the problem.

Whatever it is, I suggest you get your friends to tell you honestly what your personality flaws are.
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 58
Am I missing something here?
Posted: 10/25/2011 6:16:27 PM
I guess the main point of this rambling post is whether other people have different or similar views on the 'need' for relationships or sex? Sometimes I get self doubts I feel that there must be something missing in me because I have had literally NOTHING in terms of romance

It's not that you haven't been in an LTR. 21 is still young. You're a new-born to the bar scene... and still in college-age.

The real problem is "any kind of sexual experience". You've dated guys but no fooling around, at 21? I think if you go for shy guys who've had little sexual experience you won't find a problem at all. Problem is, you're not attracted to them. So... yes, statistically there is a problem, right?

In the end, socially/sexually active guys at 21+up are hesitant of gals who haven't crossed any base-paths yet... because there could easily be attachment ASAP. If you make it clear that you're not clingy and don't see sexual relations = relationship, then they'll be less hesitant.

OR just don't tell them. :) Seriously.... you're making it a big thing, hence, they'll see it (and should see it) as a big thing. Stop being so complicated. Treat it like kissing.
Joined: 6/10/2011
Msg: 59
Am I missing something here?
Posted: 10/25/2011 6:36:56 PM
Oh much much self-analysis. Are you this verbose in person too? Maybe guys start to nod off a bit if this is how your conversations go in general?
Get outside of yourself. This is just too much analyzing. Seriously.

The age thing is no big deal. Seeing enough people just "get it over with" just wasn't all that hot to me either. You aren't alone out there. Some people TALK about sex a lot. Doesn't mean they're doing it. Especially at 20, 21.
Joined: 8/13/2011
Msg: 60
Am I missing something here?
Posted: 10/25/2011 6:37:00 PM
Don't listen to any of those ppl who think there is something wrong w/you. There is absoultly nothing wrong with you! You are only 21! The fact that you are virgin is a valued asset & beautiful, hang on to it for as long as you can. There is nothing missing in you, either. Enjoy life, when the right man comes along, & he will, & you fall in love, things will happen naturally. You have the intelligence not to give yourself to a man who isn't the right one. So many ppl lose their viginity young, before they are mentally & emotionally ready, stay on the track you are on. You a young lady who values herself, & is making the right decisions.
Joined: 2/24/2010
Msg: 62
Am I missing something here?
Posted: 10/26/2011 2:05:26 AM
It's normal to wonder --am I ok--until it happens, but you are right to choose carefully. Many have poor first experiences and aren't better for rushing to get it over with. All you can do is be social and fulfill your life yourself-being content, capable and progressive is appealing. If you are living your passions you will meet kindred people--befriend men and women and you will find a good choice by moving in your kind of circles. Mainly, you have to be ok with your status--others take their cue from you. You sound like you want to fit in vs be who you are.
There is never a need to apologize as long as you aren't hurting anybody or using avoidance
to cope with anxiety--the latter just makes your world narrow and uptight. Socializing helps because even if not dating, you are forming friendships which help isolation, gets you comfortable, feeing connected, supported and forming those skills you need in any interaction, professional or social.
Just have faith, no need to be pessimistic at a young age, even if not the norm. Who is, really, and does it matter? Anyone who likes you won't care, and the reverse is really more a concern.
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