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 stocktondon
Joined: 8/26/2009
Msg: 42
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Am I missing something here?Page 3 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
I am not sure I have ever met a "normal" person but you seem to fall in the normal range of human beings in every repect. If you participate in a co-ed environment doing what is fun for you and what excites you about life, then you are likely to be highly attractive to the men around you who will want you as part of their life.

You might find it fun and educational to study body language to get more accurate information about the signals you are sending out and about how men are reacting to you. You might also want to study flirting to increase the fun and effectiveness of your communications with men.

Have fun.

Good luck.
 unsolvedmystery
Joined: 8/18/2009
Msg: 43
Am I missing something here?
Posted: 9/24/2009 9:43:06 AM
OP,

it's update time.

you started this thread 1.5 years ago. do you mean in all this time you still can't get a single date? No way I'm buying this, specially for a cute young woman in a huge city. If you can't find a single guy youre attracted to on here that wants to meet you, you have a set of impossible criteria we aren't aware of.

Finding that elusive "mututal attraction" "spark" etc etc is hard I will agree there, but you have to at least put yourself out there. If you have the attitude that you won't even try and something will fall in your lap, obviously you;re finding out that doesn't work so much.
 HardwoodFloorBoard
Joined: 3/27/2008
Msg: 44
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Am I missing something here?
Posted: 9/24/2009 10:13:34 AM
OP, I think a lot of people underestimate the role of chance in their lives, particularly in regard to finding romantic partners. I do not think it's "abnormal" that you haven't found anyone yet that sparks your interest, but given that you appear from your photos to be a physically attractive young woman living in a populous area, it would seem that the odds would be in favor of you having met someone "interesting" by now.

The universe is big enough that a lot of unlikely things happen. Do not feel that you are "abnormal", embrace your singularity. That said, I agree with some of the other posters that you may have to get yourself "out there" to find that one interesting person.
 miss_contemplative
Joined: 3/12/2008
Msg: 46
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Am I missing something here?
Posted: 9/26/2009 12:23:35 PM
Maybe you have a low sex drive?

I can't remember ever NOT having boys at my door at your age. It was the norm for me to spend hours on end thinking about the boy that I had a "thing" for and/or fantasizing being with him.

I would have been hard pressed to NOT get involved in relationships (I started with my first boyfriend at 15) but I had already kissed a boy or two before that.

Don't your genitals get all tingly when you're around them? Doesn't their scent throw you up the roof? Doesn't your body scream for them to touch you?

If not...you may just have low or no sex drive.

That or you want so much to be different, you're missing your biological instinct.
 curiousaboutu77
Joined: 12/28/2007
Msg: 48
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Am I missing something here?
Posted: 9/27/2009 10:18:58 PM
From what you have said i don't think there is anything wrong with you and your doing your best to connect with people. Maybe your a bit like me and on a different wave length to the people around you and unlucky in that you haven't had the opportunity to click with someone at the right time and they click with you too and not in a relationship. I guess some people are mis understood and maybe people think that you are someone that you are not and that happens to me a lot too which makes it harder to find love but that is just speculation.
I'm not sure how wide your interests are or what type of community you live in but maybe your just not in a crowd that is similar enough to you to increase the chances of a relationship. The internet helps by exposing you to a far bigger range of people. I understand that you are frustrated by this as it must be really hard as you have that stuck feeling and not knowing how to move forward, and i hope that something changes for you. I just hope that you don't lose hope of connecting with someone and become jaded.
 brightestblue
Joined: 8/28/2008
Msg: 50
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Am I missing something here?
Posted: 10/18/2009 5:55:39 AM
Ah, OP, I recognize my 21-year-old self in your posts as well as your profile! I know it's hard to not despair at this point, because it feels that it will never happen, but you're really just getting started. I think there are a couple of things going on with people "like us." Like me, you may very well be a late bloomer. You're probably mentally precocious as hell; just lack the experience in relationships that appears to be the norm for your age. Maybe even physically, you were "ready" later than is typical.

There may also be something about you that keeps men from being drawn to you in the way they are drawn to other women. I know that I apparently exude some kind of reserve that makes men feel they are wasting their time in approaching me. I'm polite and friendly, but something about me screams, "back off!"

So, I never had the normal teenage experience when it came to dating. Guys just generally weren't interested in me in that way. I got along great with boys and had loads of platonic friends- but no one ever seemed interested in me romantically. In turn, I was pretty selective in who I was attracted to. I was always a bit puzzled by my friends who seemed to have crushes on every third boy they saw. Sure, I was interested in men, sexually, just not indiscriminately.

So yeah, you are not the norm when it comes to dating and relationships. But you're not a freak either. Unfortunately, society will give you a lot of crap about it. I was variously accused of being frigid, asexual, lesbian, even physically defective. None of these were true. It's also doubly frustrating to be overflowing with this passion and yearning, and to be accused of lacking it, just because you don't have someone with whom you can express it.

Do not despair, however! Shortly before turning 22, I met the man I would eventually marry, and those things that apparently were a barrier for others just weren't for him. Since you're a bit different, it stands to reason that the right person for you will be different as well, and it may simply take some time for you to find each other. And there will be more than one, most likely. Once the ice has been broken, so to speak, you'll probably find yourself getting a lot more interest from men than you're accustomed to. I may never be the belle of the ball, but since 21, I never had to be alone if I didn't want to be.

Sorry, not much by way of advice here. All I can say is to try not to be discouraged, shrug off what others think, and try not to be too focused on finding a relationship right now. The more you work on becoming comfortable with yourself, the more confident you'll become, and that will make you attractive to others in general.

Good luck, and feel free to PM me anytime you need a pep talk!
 brightestblue
Joined: 8/28/2008
Msg: 52
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Am I missing something here?
Posted: 10/18/2009 12:57:44 PM
We may be a bit odd, but there are a few of us around! The thing is, there are actually men whose type we are, and they tend to be intelligent, interesting and unconventional sorts, so while you may have a bit of a wait, you will find a man as relieved and happy to have found you, as you are to have found him.

Although there are flakes at every age, I think the consistency thing is largely a maturity issue. It seems that a lot of serious-minded women in their early twenties are dealing with guys who still have a lot of growing up to do. It should get better as you get older. A lot of things do, actually.

The feelings of resignation will go away once you get into your first relationship. It might not be instantaneous, though. I think I spent the first several months with my first boyfriend not quite believing this was actually happening to me. At that point, I HAD sort of resigned myself to endless spinsterhood. I'd even acquired a cat!

Look, you're pretty, intelligent, and seem to be able to interact well socially. Even though you may not feel it, you're still really young, and still well within the bounds of a normal age for starting your first relationship. There's no reason it can't happen to you. In fact, I'd be willing to be money that it will!
 durandal26
Joined: 3/16/2008
Msg: 55
Am I missing something here?
Posted: 12/26/2009 5:55:47 PM
One question. Do you act in real life similarly to how you type here? If so, that is the problem.

If you act in real life how you type here, then guys are turned off because you would seem like a pretentious (even if it's not an act), insufferable twat.

I am a writer and have no problem understanding the way you type. If I wanted to, I could even use the same writing style. So it's not because I simply don't understand.

Here's an example:


I am at a loss of what to do now.. It is hard to stay positive when there is no positive evidence to suggest being so. The only positivity I have is a sense of ever-wavering faith in the seemingly impossible.


Normal people would say:

"I'm not sure what to do. It's hard to stay positive when there's never been anything to be happy about. The only thing I can do is hope that things will change."

For you to act like that (if you do) just makes you seem snobbish, pretentious, one of the "elite", etc.

Now, other things. If the problem is that anybody you're interested in is not interested in you, it's probably because of your behaviour / personality. Do you act like a generally happy, upbeat person around potential dates? Or do you act all emo and sad, or even worse, in a monotone like you have no emotions?

I can definitely say that your appearance is not the problem since you have decent looks—especially considering there are so many women in London that are fat or have kids while they are still teenagers. It must be your personality. Honestly the only way to tell would be to spend 5 mins hanging out with you. Within the first 20 secs of talking with you I could make a good guess at the problem.

Whatever it is, I suggest you get your friends to tell you honestly what your personality flaws are.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 58
Am I missing something here?
Posted: 10/25/2011 6:16:27 PM
I guess the main point of this rambling post is whether other people have different or similar views on the 'need' for relationships or sex? Sometimes I get self doubts I feel that there must be something missing in me because I have had literally NOTHING in terms of romance

It's not that you haven't been in an LTR. 21 is still young. You're a new-born to the bar scene... and still in college-age.

The real problem is "any kind of sexual experience". You've dated guys but no fooling around, at 21? I think if you go for shy guys who've had little sexual experience you won't find a problem at all. Problem is, you're not attracted to them. So... yes, statistically there is a problem, right?

In the end, socially/sexually active guys at 21+up are hesitant of gals who haven't crossed any base-paths yet... because there could easily be attachment ASAP. If you make it clear that you're not clingy and don't see sexual relations = relationship, then they'll be less hesitant.

OR just don't tell them. :) Seriously.... you're making it a big thing, hence, they'll see it (and should see it) as a big thing. Stop being so complicated. Treat it like kissing.
 getanet
Joined: 6/10/2011
Msg: 59
Am I missing something here?
Posted: 10/25/2011 6:36:56 PM
Oh my....so much typing....so much self-analysis. Are you this verbose in person too? Maybe guys start to nod off a bit if this is how your conversations go in general?
Get outside of yourself. This is just too much analyzing. Seriously.

The age thing is no big deal. Seeing enough people just "get it over with" just wasn't all that hot to me either. You aren't alone out there. Some people TALK about sex a lot. Doesn't mean they're doing it. Especially at 20, 21.
 ravenhair4u
Joined: 8/13/2011
Msg: 60
Am I missing something here?
Posted: 10/25/2011 6:37:00 PM
Don't listen to any of those ppl who think there is something wrong w/you. There is absoultly nothing wrong with you! You are only 21! The fact that you are virgin is a valued asset & beautiful, hang on to it for as long as you can. There is nothing missing in you, either. Enjoy life, when the right man comes along, & he will, & you fall in love, things will happen naturally. You have the intelligence not to give yourself to a man who isn't the right one. So many ppl lose their viginity young, before they are mentally & emotionally ready, stay on the track you are on. You a young lady who values herself, & is making the right decisions.
 pasmal
Joined: 2/24/2010
Msg: 62
Am I missing something here?
Posted: 10/26/2011 2:05:26 AM
It's normal to wonder --am I ok--until it happens, but you are right to choose carefully. Many have poor first experiences and aren't better for rushing to get it over with. All you can do is be social and fulfill your life yourself-being content, capable and progressive is appealing. If you are living your passions you will meet kindred people--befriend men and women and you will find a good choice by moving in your kind of circles. Mainly, you have to be ok with your status--others take their cue from you. You sound like you want to fit in vs be who you are.
There is never a need to apologize as long as you aren't hurting anybody or using avoidance
to cope with anxiety--the latter just makes your world narrow and uptight. Socializing helps because even if not dating, you are forming friendships which help isolation, gets you comfortable, feeing connected, supported and forming those skills you need in any interaction, professional or social.
Just have faith, no need to be pessimistic at a young age, even if not the norm. Who is, really, and does it matter? Anyone who likes you won't care, and the reverse is really more a concern.
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