|Moving inPage 2 of 6 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)|
|I'm kind of shocked at a lot of the answers as well..|
I feel the same as you do Sapphireeyes.
I love being with someone, the soft touches as they go by...going to the grocery store and finding something you know they will love, if one person gets up they just know if the other one wants a drink without having to asking.
how would you go about looking for LTR, and live in two separate residences? hmmm... colour me confused
JMO and not one a lot of people seem to share lol. Wow I really must be old-fashioned lol.
Posted: 7/7/2008 5:33:50 PM
|I'd ask him to move into the house next door That way, when we tire of each other, we can go to our respective residences.|
I do own my own home, I wouldn't outright sell it, I'd rent it out.
Posted: 7/7/2008 6:26:22 PM
|I've tried living with other people, but I am being honest when I say that I really don't think I could do it again. Now that my children are grown and have their own homes, I really relish having space all to myself. I did try moving in with someone a few years back - but it only lasted about 5 months, as I felt smothered, trapped, and had felt I had no privacy whatsoever. I couldn't even read a book or watch tv or do ANYTHING by myself. I started to feel like I was expected to be at someone else's beck and call - eat when they ate, go to the same places, do the same things, etc. etc. |
I am a free spirit and am not a clock watcher. I'm spontaneous (within reason, of course). There are times when I just want to sprawl out in the middle of the bed instead of having to hang on to the edge of it. There are also times when I just want to sleep by myself (and it does not mean I don't care about the other person - I just want some breathing room). I like to come home sometimes and be able to shut the door, veg out and not have to do a darn thing I don't feel like doing. I find myself becoming resentful of someone who wants to monopolize all of my time. As much as I loved my late companion, I sometimes said to him (almost in desperation) "Please go visit your friends, or your family, or SOMEONE".
It has absolutely NOTHING to do with me loving or not loving someone else. This is about maintaining my space and my identity. I really don't care if some people think this is selfish - I think everyone is entitled to a little selfishness. This "giving all" bit is a bit over-rated and, quite frankly, is extremely tiring.
Posted: 7/7/2008 7:10:37 PM
|Amen Sister!!!! I gave what I could when I was married and raising children. Now it's time for me, when I can get it, and I usually do now.|
Posted: 7/7/2008 7:31:04 PM
|My fiancee and myself are renovating his fixer upper and planting a lovely garden and I cant wait to move in this fall....We are getting some nice stuff that we both want together so it really feels like our home already..Ive moved several times in my life out of partments and duplexes.....Stuff is just ..Stuff...Being with the man of your dreams and waking up every morning to see his sweet face is priceless|
Having said that...I do need my own space and privacy and times to "veg out" as the poster said...That is critical to my sanity as well...Fortunately we both need time outs by ourselves to veg out so we compliment each other that way..It must be hard to live with someone who wants to monopolize all your time off
Posted: 7/7/2008 7:51:17 PM
|Because I live in a pup tent by the river. I always bring my UHaul on the second date (just in case).|
Posted: 7/7/2008 8:11:06 PM
|ah ... as long as I have my own bathroom. |
You can rent out the other house. What is the big deal if you want to be with someone.
Isn't that what a 'partnership' is all about?
Posted: 7/7/2008 8:50:32 PM
I'm curious to why anyone would move out of their place to live with someone else.
To save on gas...and all other bills,
while earning extra monthly income from renting out *your* house.
To share a life together and all its pleasures.
To have emotional, physical and financial support as we age and deal with health issues
and for those old fogies with hardened hearts - love!
Posted: 7/7/2008 11:53:21 PM
|I've been thinking about this a lot. Some days I wish my bf would just move in, and other days, I think it's better that he has his place and I have mine. I really do think that absence makes the heart grow fonder. He stays every weekend here and for now, that is enough.|
Posted: 7/8/2008 6:43:18 AM
|Not if I had children, no. I had that come up several times while my youngest was still in school, and when it came right down to it, I knew he'd be better off not having to deal with mom's live-in boyfriend whether we moved or he moved in. That's based on some personal history we had in our family. In some situations I'm sure it would work.|
Now that the kids are grown, I'm open minded about it. There are reasons that are appealing as have been posted here and there are reasons to be cautious as well. I've lived alone a long time and am set in my ways. I've yet to meet a man whose decor I could live with, lol! I do love the idea of being able to sleep with my one and only every night and greet each other at the door with sparkling eyes, a smile and a kiss.
I know OP said something about established home. Unfortunately for some of us, divorce changed that and we've started over in middle age. It might make sound financial sense to do that as a couple, but it shouldn't be the only reason.
Posted: 7/8/2008 7:39:13 AM
|most likely love, but not well thought out. i cant speak for everyone but can share an experience. when i met my second wife she was sharing a rental with her brothers. love (or lust) brought us together too quickly and the usual rebound disaster ensued. when the dust cleared the court awarded her a percentage of the value of my home plus the value of 1/2 of my retirement dating back to when she was in junior high school (20K). The upshot is when we were married she was bankrupt, i had a one credit, i owned a home and a rental, she owned the clothes on her back and when we split she took the cash settlement and bought a new home. i had to sell my home and move into a one bedroom apartment. i think if two people do want to get married or co hab at our age they better talk money and have it set up. my lawyer, a real quack among his breed, told me next time get a pre nup. sound advice. all that said though i think we just have to take time and think about this sort of thing. the happiest solution to the mid life home switch i saw was my buddy and his second wife. they both sold their homes and moved to a middle ground close to her family but not in the northeast. they lived in the house together till his death, then when she was ready to move back to where her family lived they agreed (in advance) to sell the house and split the money between their kids fifty fifty. sounds wise to me.|
Posted: 7/8/2008 7:43:46 AM
|i kinda feel along the same lines as you do op.it would be a very difficult decision to make,especially if the one you loved lived at a distance away.it would mean not only giving up your home,but friends and family that you are used to associating with on a regular basis and you would perhaps have to give up your work.|
i have friends who have opted to keep their own homes and have been together for several yrs and it works out great for them.they each have their space and privacy when needed but also have the companionship they desire.they were all married before at least once and find that this is the perfect solution..if they ever split,it's a lot easier then going through all the mess dividing property and assets up
i also know someone who had dated this guy for 3 yrs and moved in with him,giving up what she had to do so...guess what,less then a yr later,he said it was over.she's now living with friends until she can get back on her feet...ugh..no thanks..that's not for me.
perhaps the best solution to living together or to get married would be for each to sell up what they have and go into a mutual dwelling with mutual funds.
i find relocating a scary prospective and i would definitely have to think it through thoroughly.for the moment..i'll remain where i am.
Posted: 7/8/2008 8:33:32 AM
|Great cautionary tale, parrothead. I had a dear friend who shared a home with a man she wasn't married to. Both of them were, and are, attractive, professional people. All seemed to be going well....one day he came home from work, declaring he had fallen in love with the clerk at the local office max....and my friend had seven days to pack up her stuff and get out....because the clerk was coming over to redecorate and move in..........all of her friends got together and we had a giant "packing party" to meet the deadline, but it was humiliating and embarassing for this woman.|
No thanks....you live in your house, honey, and I'll live in mine. Doesn't mean I don't love ya.......
Posted: 7/8/2008 10:02:00 AM
|Personally I would not even consider moving in with any man , unless it was a serious relationship. And if I did I would rent my own home out on the monthly bases incase it didn't work out. And would you buy a new car without trying it out first. ! I would think not. This is how you could get to really know someone, and decide if this is what you really want. It's is just another learning experience , and everyone has there own opinion.|
Posted: 7/8/2008 6:50:01 PM
|I think being unmarried adds to the instability and scariness of moving in together, as others have said here...Thats why my finacee and I became engaged and will be married shortly after I moved in with him..Having the protection of marriage increases some of the security, I think|
Posted: 7/8/2008 6:53:13 PM
|For me, I gave up my home in my pending divorce. I couldn't afford to keep it, and as it turns out, neither can he (small snicker...sorry just had to).|
I rent, and so does my guy. We are moving into a house together that we will rent, while we work on building a house on my land for the future.
It can be done. I think if we were serious enough to live together, ultimately it would come down to common sense things like: which home is more convenient for both our jobs travelwise, which home is more affordable, which home suits our lifestyle better.
Posted: 7/8/2008 8:02:16 PM
|Building a long-term relationship is a process that has many steps. One of the steps can be sharing accomodations, and I would have no problem doing that if both of us thought it was appropriate. I gave our house to the ex-wife and live in an apartment I am not particularly attached to. My older son lives with me but is moving out. I also have a long commute to work, so if a lady had a house closer to my office it would be an attractive proposition. |
I am mindful of the previous comments about sharing all the space and feeling confined. I would want to have a room for my office and nothing else. Maybe we could find some space in the garage or utility room for my workbench and tools. I would expect the lady to have her own space as well. If it was her house and it bothered either of us that her ex used to sleep there, I'd suggest we buy a new bed. But I let my second wife keep the king-size I bought when I married my first wife, so I don't see that as an issue. I love to cook Chinese style and have my own utensils I am quite fond of, so we would have to negotiate the kitchen space!
Posted: 7/9/2008 6:46:03 PM
|wow the condition so many people are in just blows me away...money and possessions are more valueable than love...and no trust..just wow|
Posted: 7/9/2008 7:14:32 PM
|I'm not sure that most of us are just more cautious the second time around. I know I'm not in any hurry to find a partner...I own my own house, and there would definitely be some sort of legal agreement before I would consider allowing someone else to move into my house. It has nothing to do with love and trust...I think it's only sensible to consider the financial aspects as well as the emotional ones. |
Posted: 7/10/2008 6:08:49 AM
|For years I have been telling my daughters and son (he didn't listen) that you don't live with anyone without the benefit of marriage-----religious beliefs aside---there are no safety measures for people living together. Someone always gets screwed over and it's usually the one who has the most to loose or who cannot afford to loose at all. Because even if you go to court the judge will probably say---you are screwed and there is nothing to do about. With marriage--it is a contract and there are repercussions. My son lost all his credit because the woman he was living with knew his SS# and all other vital info and got credit cards in his name---maxed out the cards and worked to get him fired from his very well paying job. He eventually had to quit his job just to get away from her--he had to move out of state so she would quit harassing him. His credit will recover eventually because he was only 23 at the time---but he learned a hard lesson.|
Posted: 7/10/2008 6:22:53 AM
|God Jozepha, that would have been a very difficult lesson for your Son to learn! I feel bad for folks that get messed like that. However, here in Canada, living together after a certain amount of time is the same as having a marital committment. I would like to think that if I ever was to get into a serious relationship where we felt the need to be together daily, there would be sort of a "contract" drawn up legally or else I would rent out my home and buy into another one with my SO. Having been there legally for 16 years and getting taken to the cleaners, I would have to say I would be so so very careful of protecting the assets that I have now. Sounds bitter when I read what I just wrote, but I guess it has to be that way. What a sad state of affairs things are today.|
Posted: 7/10/2008 4:25:42 PM
|Jozepha, the woman committed fraud when she used his information to get credit...he isnt responsible all he had to do was contact the credit card companies...now if he ever used the credit card then he is responsible. He only had to get a restraining order to protect himself from her. I dont understand why you think if they had been married this would have been better??? Now on top of it all he would have been financially responsible and having to pay for a divorce also? He should have contacted an attorney to see about sueing her for damages...he still can.|
Posted: 7/10/2008 5:54:20 PM
What would make someone of our age group leave our homes and move into someone elses.
At my age and since I've just moved, I'm not too thrilled to even entertain the idea about moving again, anytime soon. And, since I'm not in a serious relationship with anyone to have to make the decision, it's a moot point, in my life, right now.
But, for sake of argument, if I were to meet a fella and it became serious enough to consider living together arrangements, I'd need that "little piece of paper" to feel good about it. It's called a Co-Habitation Agreement or a Pre-Nup.
I guess that tells ya that my "starry-eyed" days are over. Sad isn't it.
Posted: 7/10/2008 7:21:48 PM
|I feel like I am wandering among the trees in the petrified forest. Man, you guys, life is not over yet. |
Posted: 7/10/2008 7:30:56 PM
|I think that forest is full of lemon trees...people are just so bitter and I doubt many could have gone thru as much as what I did...tis truly sad...without love in your life it is like living half dead IMHO.|