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 Novile123
Joined: 12/2/2007
Msg: 167
Do men like it when women contact them first?Page 4 of 27    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27)
This is a good question. After much thought, I emailed someone, he replied! Was so happy to hear from me, flattered that I emailed him. We emailed back and forth, he gave me his number, asked for mine......never heard from him again!
Did not like the feeling.
I think guys have a hard time, putting themselves out there, sometimes, getting rejected, others no response. It made me see the other side a bit clearer.
For me, I will not make the first move again.
I like an old fashion type guy. I like it the old way. I enjoy the man to make the first move, I see it as a sign of confidence, also see it as he put himself out to do so, so I should respond in some form. So, if they don't contact me first, I will not feel I missed out. What I think, is that, the type of person I am looking for, will make the first move.
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 168
Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/21/2008 7:07:29 PM
... I've made the first move as you did, no response , then I thought damn....I'm not doing this no more. It kinda feels like a slap in the face doesn't it? not to mention its very damaging to my self-esteem All these years you guys have had to make the first move....kudos.

...maeflowers
 clasact
Joined: 1/18/2008
Msg: 169
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Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/21/2008 7:28:35 PM

I like an old fashion type guy. I like it the old way. I enjoy the man to make the first move, I see it as a sign of confidence, also see it as he put himself out to do so, so I should respond in some form.
I tend to agree with this. I have rarely emailed anyone I've had an interest in, but I have and I think only 2 times. (Other than forum members about what they've had to say in some posts rather than posting it on the thread and get put in "banned camp" for doing so. )

In any event I also agree with you *miabee44* that I see it as a sign of confidence and there's nothing more attractive to me than a man with a whole heap of confidence, that and a sense of humor.
 beaker49
Joined: 10/31/2005
Msg: 170
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Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/21/2008 7:58:43 PM
Absolutely....If you see someone one you like...go for it and contact him.
What's the worst that can happen...you don't get a reply.
I'm attracted by women that know what they want and are willing to take a chance.
 zangie
Joined: 5/30/2007
Msg: 175
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Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/21/2008 9:23:40 PM
I've said this elsewhere...but, a friend asked me to give my opinion...

Some men like it, some don't..just like everything else..lol..

I have asked a man out...I have emailed first many times..I have been rejected quite a bit in my lifetime. It hurts, but that's not why I am hesitant to do it anymore. I figure rejection is a part of life, and when you have an obvious physical disadvantage, its going to happen. Heck, some of my supposed male "friends' have said mean things...

I don't do it much anymore because: I have found it is a poor indicator of interest on his part. I have had too many men accept for reasons other than true interest in me ( they were bored, nothing better at the moment, didn't want to hurt my feelings ( because while many women have trouble being the aggressor, many men have trouble knowing how to say no when they need too...)etc...)...and by the time I figure this out, I feel much more foolish and hurt than if he had said no to begin with.

I also find, for the majority of men in my dating "pool", they prefer to do the choosing..saves them having to reject someone , or dealing with someone they find really unattractive, or they are plain turned off by what they see as "aggressive" behavior from a woman. And really, as others may have said..if they are interested, why wouldn't they contact me?

Also..at the risk of getting bashed as usual from the PC crowd...I am one who really does not want to take on masculine traits or behaviors in the interest of "equality". I like men being men. Which includes confidence and willingness to go after what they want. And at least I know there is some interest of some kind when they do.

All that being said...I will still contact one on occasion if I find him really interesting, and he'd have no way of knowing me to contact...but, really, it still stands to reason..if they do read your posts, for example, or view your profile...if they were interested...wouldn't they say something? At least the kind of men I am attracted to...It just hasn't worked for me, even though I have tried it many times in my life.

Of course...realistically, my options are different than women who are younger, smaller, etc...anyway..somehow, I think when men say they like to be contacted..they mean by the women they find the hottest..not just any woman.
 dustyknight
Joined: 9/14/2006
Msg: 178
Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/23/2008 4:37:20 PM
my last note on this topic,
I really don't think it matters who does the first flirt or wink or whistle..lol
If you are drawn to someone tell them, don't be the person thinking I wish i had said something or said hello..etc
I appreciate a lady showing interest and always respond whether there is an attraction or not..I've had many ladys read/delete without ever responding even to say no thanks..
This is not the 1950s and yes it's 2008 where women are allowe dto voice their wants and desires. Atfirst I thought it may even be a religious upbringing.
Unless you live in a cave, grunt for what you want or even have your head buried in the sand..women are more vocal than ever..and will certainly let you know what they want and if you cross a boundry.


Good luck to you all and atleast think about making that first contact..

Dusty
 Novile123
Joined: 12/2/2007
Msg: 179
Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/23/2008 5:51:11 PM
Sorry guys, I know most of you have mentioned that you would like the woman to contact first, or that you would respond, be flattered etc. All that is great.
I just know, now that I tried it, I really rather have the man do the initial contact.
I think like me, there are a lot of women out there.
It is just the type of men I would want, would do it that way.
 zangie
Joined: 5/30/2007
Msg: 180
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Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/23/2008 6:48:08 PM

Hmmm... I sometimes wonder if when I see who viewed me it is an indication they might want to chat?


Sometimes it is, sometimes it isn't..depends on woman and circumstance..I have often wondered the same thing..problem is..there is no way to know for sure without asking? Obviously something we all struggle with a bit...(of both genders)
 seajaydee
Joined: 10/15/2007
Msg: 182
Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/24/2008 5:58:35 AM
It does not matter to me if a woman makes the initial contact, but I find it very flattering to receive an email alerting me that someone placed me on their favorites list, or by getting an email.
 dustyknight
Joined: 9/14/2006
Msg: 185
Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/24/2008 1:57:20 PM
ok so Lied about the last post being my last..sue me
I do believe this is a power question as some posters have eluded to in prior posts..
If the man writes first, the lady has the power/option thereby control, to grace him with an answer or read/delete like many seem to do. Women have the option..
So now I can see why many women choose to not make first contact. This has nothing to do with being a "lady" at all..
Some of you wish for the man to act manly and make the first move..great..but remember society has done it's best to immasculate men since clarence thomas.
If a man makes the first move, he then can be contrued as controlling, pushy, aggressive and all the other catch words society has deems negative with men behaviors.
I happen to believe both sexes are equal.. some want to be more than equal is the problem.
Infact... on a date a couple years ago, I opened a door for a my date..was promptly dressed down in front of onlookers for being a sexist male. the date ended soon after.
While some of you do want doors opened, bags carried and the like, many never miss a chance to chastise males for doing what we were taught by our mothers..
So..we are damned if we do and damned if we don't..
I was raised a man's man by my parents, to treat women with respect and dignity they deserve so I will keep opening doors, carrying bags and always seat the lady first..
and make the first flirt or email!
dusty
 dustyknight
Joined: 9/14/2006
Msg: 190
Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/25/2008 7:22:23 AM
MsMocha, darlin aren't you guilty of picking and choosing what is equality and what is not?
It's ok to be equal in pay but in a relationship your aren't an equal partner? I'm confused..
The LAWS of the land have immasculated men not women..remember if you stare at a women over 30 seconds it's harrassment? Compliment her on her hair or dress it can be harrassment...the list is so long..by the way in my workplace during the trial of clerance thomas..it was cause for dismissal if a male used the f-bomb but nothing for a woman..the laws enacted discriminate against men. Men had to take a sensativity course..I even remember a lawsuit and discipline action for one women telling an off color joke to another woman..Sad place we live in...
dusty
 Gato1963
Joined: 10/26/2006
Msg: 193
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Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/26/2008 4:20:54 AM
I'm one of those guys that for some reason, has most of his E-mail go read deleted or unread deleted. It is starting to give me a complex,that I've grown too ugly for the women on here that feel they deserve a moviestar/model man.So I for one would love it if more women took the time to e-mail me first.
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 195
Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/26/2008 7:51:22 AM

maeflowers and miabea44,

Thank you, Thank You, THANK YOU!

It's nice that you took a walk on the wild side and viewed it from the trenches!

THEN, on top of it all, you had the guts to express your experiences here for the world to see. Ya'll are surely prizes to behold! I'm sure your dating lives with soar with these posts you've made! Dang, if only you were closer!


...Why thank-you kind sir....unfortunately my posts have had no effect on my dating life.....still waiting on the soaring part haha

...maeflowers
 dustyknight
Joined: 9/14/2006
Msg: 196
Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/26/2008 11:30:54 AM
Candylilly, thanks for corecting my spelling..I wa sin a hurry but wanted to say my thoughts..I know there are jerks like that out there making it bad for us guys.
100% sure he was married too..
MsMocha..darlin... I 100% agree with you and you have been very kind in your words..it's just damned if I do and damned If I don't..that keep me confused..
Ms Curls..you are one smart cookie!
ot..I guess I'll keep being me and do what I do and take my bruises..I took my ex's car for an oil change once and listened for an hour how she didn't need me doing things for her as she is a grown up woman..Now as my ex when she starts that..I just say..sorry not married to ya..bye..
ticks her off to no end..lol
dusty
 male.1957
Joined: 2/12/2007
Msg: 197
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Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/26/2008 5:05:24 PM
Agree. Nothing wrong if a woman contacts a man first.
 R!ck
Joined: 7/21/2008
Msg: 198
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Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/26/2008 6:16:09 PM
This is a general observation, not directed to anyone or anything in particular.

I think it's fine for a woman to let a man know that she's interested, especially since good old fashioned flirtation seems to be going the way of the rotary phone. Maybe some of us guys can't adjust to the idea of looking around the "room" and then simultaneously approaching every women who catches our eye. I'd think I was having a Fonzie-regression playing the averages under the disco ball; or worse, behaving like a womanizer with total indifference to all.

It doesn't take much, just some small way to show she's truly interested in furthering a conversation. We're not all attracted to each other on a lasting relationship level, but we can make contacts and see where things go. I'd be happy to share activities with someone if that's all that became of the contact. Someone doesn't have to be the bad guy when things don't "click", sometimes it just doesn't happen.

Also, indirect doesn't always get the intended response. A simple "I was especially impressed where you mentioned _______ in your profile. That can be enough to strike up a conversation, which is really what we should be concentrating on; instead of betting our hearts and futures on every spin of the Dating Roulette e-mail wheel.

Rick
 bluenfree
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 199
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Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/26/2008 6:22:04 PM
Yes! Almost every woman who has contacted me does not show up on my matches, so how would I have known they exist?
 catman40
Joined: 5/20/2007
Msg: 203
Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/28/2008 6:16:05 AM
I send out alot of contacts . zero come back . or they say " thank you keep fishing " .
 male.1957
Joined: 2/12/2007
Msg: 204
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Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/28/2008 6:55:30 AM
Agree with you. No different where Iam. Woman claim to be looking yet, alot of them are not polite enough to respond. Even though they complain that the men will not respond.
 smhrgs3000
Joined: 7/7/2008
Msg: 215
Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/30/2008 11:42:02 AM
LOVE IT, LOVE IT, LOVE IT SOME MORE!!!!
Probably because confident, assertive ladies who know what they want, and more importantly don't care what others say they should do or want, are the sexiest, most fun, most stimulating and interesting of them all.
I think a lot of men are intimidated when a lady makes first contact, but to me, it's just a harbinger of great communication yet to come, an adventurous, fun loving attitude, confidence, and a smart, sassy, lady who isn't getting any younger, is confident with her decisions, and who hasn't lost a thing my making the initial contact.
Good on ya Girls, go for it.
And while you're at it, drop me a line too, and just say hey
Talk doesn't cost a penny, so go ahead, spend it like you got it, and toss your 2 cents worth my way. Love ya all
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 217
Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/30/2008 4:14:15 PM

all she need do, is to look at said man's profile...say...twice...and, unless he is brain-dead (in which case she is better off never having chatted with Mr. Dense), by looking at the "viewed me" feature, he can safely infer (by her looking his way more than the once) that she would probably welcome his howdy-do.
I am reluctant to use the loaded word "stategem," but doesn't this have some of the simple charm of the dropped hankie from days gone by? See, everyone wins, and we can all relax, and go out to the pool and have margaritas...


...Now why didn't I think of that? Off to go and change my mail settings.....quick question, if I look at his profile more than twice... would that be considered "stalkerish?"


...maeflowers
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 219
Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/30/2008 4:39:51 PM
...In my opinion, the "viewed me" feature is a waste of time. I have checked out many profiles based soley upon comments made in the forums. Most times out of curiousity and had nothing to do with flirting.

...maeflowers
 jsphn11
Joined: 12/24/2007
Msg: 220
Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/30/2008 6:02:50 PM
If I see that someone viewed me and didn't send an email, I assume that he is not interested.
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