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 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 416
Do men like it when women contact them first?Page 7 of 27    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27)
Do NOT make me turn this car around or I will really give you something to cry about!



...You promise Ok, ok, for now on I'll be on my bestest behaviour....no more fighting. And that goes for you too moonie.

..Now back to topic, its seems we have a great many men on here who wish to be contacted first so I had better get busy.


...maeflowers
 kelly727
Joined: 1/3/2007
Msg: 418
Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 8/17/2008 7:16:37 PM

and if you read if did not say YOU made offensive remarks.. it said you were offensive.. meaning when someone said something to you about something you were very offensive.. THANK YOU. And there you go again..


Meeoooww! What the hey? First that crusty ol' timer, AKA he who shall not be named, for fear of setting him off again, and now that. Can't we all just get along? A long, long, long, way from here, which in my case is the fridge...I hear a beer callin'! And yes ladies, I am perfectly fine with being contacted first, with the caveat that when I respond, there follows actual two-way communication.

Peace out....although I have no hope that will actually be the case. ....which is also in my fridge...
 Sniper308
Joined: 10/21/2004
Msg: 421
Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 8/18/2008 10:41:15 AM

Do men like it when women contact them first?


If they're tall, slender, non-smoking, Republican, anti-abortion, and like guns and hunting... yes.

Otherwise, no.

Interestingly, though I'm pretty specific in my profile, I keep hearing from short, fat, cigarette-smoking Democrats who hate guns and hunting and think nothing of killing unborn children. I just figure they're products of a failed school system and, therefore, can't read and/or follow instructions.
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 422
Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 8/18/2008 11:05:40 AM

Sapphire, leave Maeflowers alone! We like her and we'll defend her with our blood.


...aww, thank-you, I appreciate that.....but miss Mocha is correct. Sapphire didn't say anything out of line, she's a real sweetheart. Maybe just a little miscommunication happening.....no biggie. Shall we move-on?

...Well I did put on my bravest face and contact someone last night and guess what...no reply.......aaargh

...maeflowers
 Sapphireeyes
Joined: 1/13/2008
Msg: 425
Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 8/18/2008 7:02:34 PM
...Well I did put on my bravest face and contact someone last night and guess what...no reply.......aaargh



aww Mae. maybe they were so overwhelmed it left them typeless!!!!!!! Dont give up...atleast you wrote someone I am still in the thinking about it stages...I looked thru the emails I had gotten for ideas and the HEY, UR SEXY, UR HOTT, WANNA HOOKUP just didnt seem like the right things to say????????

BTW Ben thanks for having my back like that!!!!!!!! Next time get ya a better grip on that thing :P /giggle
 zangie
Joined: 5/30/2007
Msg: 427
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Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 8/18/2008 8:06:11 PM

Anyway, you just went through something us guys (at this age) have been through numerous times. THAT will give you a better insight into the men you're trying to date.

If you care to, expand your awareness of YOUR situation to the lifetime of similar experiences we men (our age) have gone through. I believe, if you do that, you will find yourself far ahead in the dating game from hence forward.

An appropriate cliche: If you want to understand someone (in this case, men), walk a mile in their shoes.


Levi: I find it hard to believe that most women don't know what men go through. And just because most women don't initiate and get rejected, doesn't mean they don't know what rejection is... I find that many men on here are all for women understanding them, but not so keen about men understanding women. One of the coolest things I have learned on the forums, is a male perspective, not that it is always one I like, or agree with..lol...

It is not fear of rejection that stops me...and actually, since I initiate a lot, nothing is really stopping me...but, what has made me less likely to do it...one, I mentioned earlier..it is a poor indicator of interest. It just doesn't work, not that I am against it in theory.

The other problem is the fact that some men like it, some don't. And the truth of the matter is...even men who like it..like it only from women they think are attractive..and since it is most times impossible, (unless they are specific on their profiles) to know if you qualify, seems a waste of time. As men have said on here...being contacted by a woman tells them their is interest, well, it works in reverse too.

We can say times have changed all we want, and take about the equality thing ( which you know I don't believe means socially at all), but, there is some biology involved. Even though I have tried to be more "modern", and progressive, there is a part of me that still sometimes makes me feel that it is unnatural for me to pursue. And being one who isn't in favor of women becoming just like men, I just wonder. I , personally, don't want masculine and feminine lines to be blurred..there are trials for both men and women in the dating game, just different ones. I don't think it is possible to make it painless for us all. And I guess a part of me, is still reluctant to take on male traits or behaviors in the name of "equality", or anything else.

I like men to be what I consider masculine, and possessed of certain traits I don't have. If I start acting just like them, ( and this issue isn't the only one), where is the fun of being different or feminine.

JMO
 zangie
Joined: 5/30/2007
Msg: 429
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Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 8/18/2008 8:53:17 PM

What I fail to see, is how YOU took what I felt was a very positive post (my post), encouraging someone to NOT give up on a harmless effort to meet someone new and turn it into an issue of equality, masculinity and negative posturing!


I am entitled to my opinion, as you are. I was explaining why "I" personally have a problem with it...it just often feels unnatural. Doesn't mean I haven't done it...I have. And I have been rejected, many times. My point was...it hasn't worked for me..for the reasons I stated.

I wasn't aware that I had to agree with you to post...
 1xSoCal
Joined: 8/5/2007
Msg: 430
Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 8/18/2008 9:03:20 PM
Judging by the number of replies on this thread, I'd have to say definitely YES!
 Sapphireeyes
Joined: 1/13/2008
Msg: 432
Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 8/18/2008 9:14:33 PM
I do have one questions....

If you saw a profile and everything fit...the person's appearance..the way they described themselves what they were looking for etc...it was like screaming they were who you were looking for....would you men not message them?

My point is people make alot of contacts...but that means you are exposing yourself to more people who MIGHT do..but in dealing with them you are also spending less time looking for someone who might be closer to what you want. Then the whole grass is greener thing kicks in. Wouldnt it be better if you only wrote to someone you thought would really really work out vs as some people have stated they sent out a ton of cut and paste emails and got few responses.
 zangie
Joined: 5/30/2007
Msg: 433
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Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 8/18/2008 9:19:06 PM

But, don't you think it would have been more concise to simply say:


It would have..but, you forget..I am female, and I am Zangie..I rarely am that concise, and almost always long winded...lol..sorry...



And, I was simply stating why I think that a woman contacting a man by no means has any definitive effect on reversing gender roles in the dance of romance.


And I was saying that I think it might, based on my biological responses..not my brain..my inner gut feeling...which is almost always right...

Just my feeling...which I know isn't that valued from a more logical, concise male point of view..and I guess that's my big point...I can't think like a man...and I don't want to...
 zangie
Joined: 5/30/2007
Msg: 435
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Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 8/18/2008 10:20:13 PM

You don't have to think like a man, but consider the original question "Do men like it when women contact them first?" and heed the overwhelming responses from men on this thread that say: YES, we do "like" it!


Most of the men who don't like it aren't posting for obvious reasons... I know several and have been insulted by a few...

If men are saying they like it, women are allowed to say why it is hard for them, or why they don't, it is a dialog isn't it , Levi? Or are only" men", and people who agree allowed to post..I believe there is a rule that says you can't post a thread selective to only one audience? And I am not the only woman who has expressed concerns with it?

You can support it, I am not..not supporting it, just having a dialog...I'm sure my opinion won't sway anyones personal opinions...

I am really trying to be nice here, but, basically you are telling me what I am allowed to post and what I am not...

And since I have actually done it, I am also allowed to comment on that aren't I?

I'm beginning to remember why I stopped posting for a while....
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 436
Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 8/18/2008 10:29:20 PM

I know I am simply text on a screen, but GOOD JOB GIRL. DAMN SURE PROUD OF YOU!!


...Why thank you....Its not the easiest thing to do, it goes against my nature....besides that stinging slap of rejection hurts like he11


IMHO, you have made a tremedously positive investment in your future dating life!


I have....I'm glad someone feels that way....I mean cripes, I've been here "how long" and yet I am no closer to meeting someone than the day I joined. I've been actually thinking of retiring the old fishing rod. haha


We can say times have changed all we want, and take about the equality thing ( which you know I don't believe means socially at all), but, there is some biology involved. Even though I have tried to be more "modern", and progressive, there is a part of me that still sometimes makes me feel that it is unnatural for me to pursue. And being one who isn't in favor of women becoming just like men, I just wonder. I , personally, don't want masculine and feminine lines to be blurred..there are trials for both men and women in the dating game, just different ones. I don't think it is possible to make it painless for us all. And I guess a part of me, is still reluctant to take on male traits or behaviors in the name of "equality", or anything else.


...Wow, your right on girl. I couldn't have said it better myself....and I feel as you do, it does feel very unnatural to me to pursue.

...maeflowers
 whytwater
Joined: 8/7/2008
Msg: 439
Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 8/19/2008 9:34:09 AM
As a fly fisherman, I understand there is art in each cast, gratifying, but I would trade a bite for it every time. Small consolation to know that you were the prettiest one out there if you go home empty-handed.
I try to personalize each "cast", use everything, usually very little, that a woman shows in her profile, and time polishing my own profile apple, but there are too many other male poles on this bank. Seems to me your chances of success would be far better than any man's. Keep throwin's that bait out there, Darlin', you'll definitely get some hits.
 whytwater
Joined: 8/7/2008
Msg: 442
Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 8/19/2008 3:26:59 PM
Was in Barcelona, years ago, and as I passed a dark-haired girl standing at the bar, she reached out and felt my ass. It was playful, engaging, completely unexpected, and I liked it. Alot. On a primal level, a woman emanates signals, and the men gather around. Those natural signals are blocked at the monitor, so to restore the natural order, no less, I'd be delighted if a woman verbalized her "message", directed to me, not the trite platitudes and pulp that appear in every posted profile.
 nontoxic_texan
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 443
Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 8/19/2008 3:58:38 PM

she reached out and felt my ass


Time to craft an email / post to site admins asking for the much needed virtual grope feature. 10 free roses to the person who provides the most appropriate button icon for the new feature.
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 445
Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 8/19/2008 4:38:30 PM

Mae, I have no real feel for Alberta. I have a pretty good sense of Ontario, and have dated a couple of women from there over the years, but my "feel" about Alberta is that the population is rather sparse? That's the only explanation that I can make about your "no date" thing.
I'm in your general demo, and the only "red flag" on your profile, really, is the "strong woman" one, and you haven't phrased that overly aggressively. I would suggest too, that you answer the question about first date, rather than that whole "chick" thing way you answered it, but it's not a big red flag.

If you were in my area, I'd be "interested" enough to talk about it. So, as I said, my guess is that it's the relative lack of population there, which means it may take awhile, not because of anything lacking in you, but because of the size of the pool.


...I'm not sure what the population is for Alberta but I can tell you that the city I live in (Calgary) is anything but sparsley populated, I'm pretty sure its over a million ....the economy here has skyrocketted over the years and people are coming in by droves....which makes my delimma even worse haha

As to the "red flags" I'm sure my profile is full of them. .and I am a strong woman in many respects, but like I stated, I have a soft side too which can be "moulded" I'm sure by the right guy. I've tried to be very honest and upfront in my profile and anything anyone wants to know...just ask. What you see is what you get.

...maeflowers
 martin-blank
Joined: 8/14/2008
Msg: 447
Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 8/19/2008 10:44:32 PM
Ok, I am sorry, but that's some funny stuff... now you can begin to understand what it feels like to be a guy and have the onus upon you to be the initiator for things.. Women aren't always up front about being interested, I have met quite a few who wonder why you don't keep coming back after they turn down your first (and last) invitation to do something..

Why didn't you ask again, I was busy that night?
Are you kidding? I ask once, and if she simply says, oh I am busy that night, I don't ask again. To me, if she was truly interested, and/or past playing silly games, she would instead say something like: "I am busy that evening, but I would like to do something with you another time". Anything other than that usually means, well I don't know how to just say no, so I will just say I am busy...


You are simply learning what it feels like to be on the receiving end of a non-response response..

And no, I am not womangry.. just amused....
 Sapphireeyes
Joined: 1/13/2008
Msg: 449
Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 8/20/2008 2:12:39 AM
Dang it is almost starting to look like a set up here...Mae wrote to someone and now all the guys are doing the ....now you know what it feels like to be rejected...well she isnt the person who rejected you so no she doesnt know how your rejection feels...she knows how it feels to have written to someone and gotten no response....she didnt say if the person was someone she thought was a perfect match or just someone she was slightly interested in...

I think women get as much rejection as men just in different ways...some man writes to us and we DO respond and things are going along great and then they just disappear and we ask why and get "They just werent that into you"...well they are who wrote us first etc...that hurts aheck of a lot more than writing to someone who might like you but it is a bad time for them at that moment so they put off writing a response and more things happen and then it is forgotten. Now I dont think me experiencing "rejection" will enhance my dating experience at all so maybe making the first contact isnt my cup of tea after all.

I still say if a man sees a girl that he thinks is totally 100 percent the right woman for him...he will write!
 Ahoytheredave
Joined: 8/29/2006
Msg: 455
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Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 8/20/2008 11:24:08 AM

I still say if a man sees a girl that he thinks is totally 100 percent the right woman for him...he will write!

And that makes the rejection, whether it has a response or not, all the more discouraging. Profiles do not have body language or phermones. The smiles are always nothing more than two dimensional arrays of pixels. Just how are we supposed to know some girl is "100% right"?
Women are generally more selective than men and those they do not have an interest in, they prefer be and stay invisible. Men are less likely to be "offended" by a contact from a women he is not interested in but still, there is no body language or phermones. Many have learned that to make contact, you must lie about age and weight to men and height and wealth to women. The old saying, its better to ask for forgiveness than ask for permission." is very true. I don't wish to compete with the liars, whose motives are different from mine, by investing time and emotion in first contacts when statistics are against getting a positive response. Even if I get a response, the chances are high that the profile I was responding to is inaccurate.
 Sapphireeyes
Joined: 1/13/2008
Msg: 463
Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 8/21/2008 5:43:52 PM

Mocha, I've used pissing in my cornflakes many times, but never heard Wheaties before. Wonder if it's a regional thing? I've been a West Coaster my whole life.


Never heard of cornflakes...but the word flake would have been more appropriate at the time >< !!!!!!!!!!!Wheaties sounds better when you say it outloud.

On topic:

I think you have to know who you are and what you are comfortable with. I have found when I pursue a man I get uncomfortable and even if i like him...I wont allow things to develop at what would be a natural rate. In other words he will have to work harder to prove to me he is really interested....So at this point I prefer if a man likes me for him to do the contacting. I understand the rejection rate etc, I am not looking for an old fashion guy either. In all honesty Im not worried I have the rest of my life to find the person I want.
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 464
Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 8/21/2008 6:26:40 PM
AWWWWW.......mae.....

There is progress in the world!

He didn't respond? So what, his loss!!



...Thats what I say...his loss. He could have had himself one hellva nice lady but noooo, the rotten **stard chose to ignore me....oops sorry, didn't mean to go off into another rant, I mean rant about this.....like who FRIGGEN CARES right? He's not the last man on this @*#! * @ site. * Was I using my outside voice?*

Now with that completely out of my system all I can say is...... there are plenty of fish

...maeflowers
 Ahoytheredave
Joined: 8/29/2006
Msg: 466
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Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 8/21/2008 8:54:03 PM
Having been around "players" who use women for toys then move on, this concept of "proving" interest is pretty much self destructive. All a guy has to do is give her a few romantic trinkets and lie about his "love" for her and they pretty much fall all over him. From my side of the gender fence, I hear the guys brag about such conquests all the time. The more careful the woman, the more vulnerable she is. An old college room mate was the best I ever saw at the game. The otherwise very intelligent girls would rationalize his lies and would attack anyone who would try to warn them. When caught, he lied his way out of it every time. His fiancee and one of his "one and only"s got in a fight over him while he was with yet another "one and only". He lied his way out of even that. What does that say about the women? It's really hard to blame him as it was the women who rewarded such behavior and it is the women who demand some proof of interest that in effect punishes the honest guy.
 Sapphireeyes
Joined: 1/13/2008
Msg: 467
Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 8/21/2008 9:09:53 PM
aww Candylily812, I do feel your pain and as you said before things in your life are similar to mine.

From another viewpoint, imagine how a guy feels to have a girl come into his life, (as cute as you say he is, he is use to it) and then all at once stops...I guess you have had guys do the same thing to you...so maybe now you can see their angle on it. It is hard online to gage a person's interest and if that person is "into you". I had one guy tell me he sees me online all the time and he assumed that I was talking to different guys the whole time, it shows Im online and Im not even in the room, Im downstairs. I think we read to much into things and we need to start accepting that if someone is talking to us..it is cause we are who they want to be talking to.

I will say in the guys defense that he might have thought it would make you more comfortable to write and flirt vs to meet again...dont beat yourself up over it ...just use it as a live and learn thing. Accept what is given in the spirit of the gift. One of the ways I think we are similar is in a effort to guard against being hurt again we try to predict the future..we try to safeguard against someone who isnt sincere....the thing is the guys who do go back and forth are the ones who are sincere..they are just as nervous and uncomfortable as we are.

A situation presented itself tonight and so I took advantage of it to write someone..and dang it if I didnt live thru it. It might not lead to anything or I might make a friend out of it...at this point I am just proud of me for going into it with the right mindset!
 zangie
Joined: 5/30/2007
Msg: 468
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Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 8/21/2008 9:21:59 PM

All a guy has to do is give her a few romantic trinkets and lie about his "love" for her and they pretty much fall all over him.


That's not what I, personally, call proving interest at all. Though it happens, I think it happens more often to younger and more naive girls...by the time you get to be as old as I am...you are pretty intuitive about what is genuine and what is not. I have never dated a player, so, it's reasonable to assume, my instincts are pretty dead on.

Even besides that, I find I am somewhat distressed at a lot of the male opinions on here who discount "niceness" for lack of a better word, because it happens to be used to manipulate by some men. Sincerity is the key. Truly being interested and "wooing" or romancing is not a bad thing. It is something that can be abused, like almost anything. But, it isn't inherently evil. I have dated lots of "honest" guys, who also show interest in a variety of ways, which can be termed as a whole as "romancing". It isn't dishonest if you mean it. And most women learn at some point how to tell the difference. I think that is a big distinction, lost on many men.

And this all just really addresses why , though, I do try it , my contacting first, leaves me at a big disadvantage that works to no ones advantage.

Something else I thought of...I can think of only one man who I contacted first, whether romantically, about the forums, to compliment their profile, or to admire their intellect, that didn't respond back. Which I attribute to the fact that because it so rare for many men, and they understand what it takes, and how lousy rejection can be, they are flattered, whether interested or not. This also muddies the interest waters. Women are far more likely to not respond if not interested. Or to actually say I am not interested. And these men rarely state outright what they think about you. Because , as I think I said before, while many women have problems with being the pursuer, many men have problems with rejecting.

It is a new world, and not one to be close minded, I have tried it out. Don't think I will quit...but, I still don't feel comfortable with it for the most part.
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