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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Why do people waste time chatting online and email, before meeting?      Home login  
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 fetish4u
Joined: 4/18/2007
Msg: 16
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Why do people waste time chatting online and email, before meeting?Page 3 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

because once they have your phone number they NEVER stop calling.

This isn't true with all men.If a woman wasn't interest in me I won't be calling her.I never want to push myself on anyone
 yooperbrat03
Joined: 7/19/2006
Msg: 17
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Why do people waste time chatting online and email, before meeting?
Posted: 7/7/2008 2:47:02 PM
I do not feel it's a waste of time. You can actually pick up a lot from writing to someone and talking before meeting, if you know how to read between the lines.
Granted I realize it is very easy to mislead people on-line but it is also to do so meeting in person.

I've also thought there are two types of sparks between people. The first how they are when they speak when "meetin" on-line and then when meetin in person.
Bottom line (for me anyways) I like gettin the chance to talk before meetin in person. Allows me to find out if we are able to converse with one another and have that spark and then when we meet if there's the physical spark as well.

I'd give ya a dime for my time but I'm sure I'd get two cents in change...lol..


Brat
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 18
Why do people waste time chatting online and email, before meeting?
Posted: 7/7/2008 9:50:47 PM
Why do people waste time chatting online and email, before meeting?

I'm not wasting anyone's time, including my own ~ that is exactly why I don't meet. Unless it appears he's Mr. Right For Me, I'm not meeting anyone from the net. Period. JMO
 WeAre1
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 19
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Why do people waste time chatting online and email, before meeting?
Posted: 7/8/2008 5:27:48 AM
you ask in your opost -
I can't fathom why people would spend weeks/months only communicating via IM/email when they could cut to the chase! Is it because folks like the "idea" of finding that someone special and are reluctant to have the bubble burst too soon? Isn't it ultimately just a waste of time? Your views?

well, when i first looked into online dating a few years ago, i did not realize if you are a person who finds writing (and reading) something you enjoy, and you find another who also enjoys it, i saw sometimes you could actually have a whole mini relationship without ever meeting because you got to the point you realized you did not want to meet....
also the opposite happened - we would email (i have so rarely im'd - that's when i get bored and fast, clever wit will only take me so far before the sexual aspects appear there, it seems) - anyway, when i'm focusing on someone, i'd email perhaps more intensively for a week and then meet and quite often i realized the person was not who i had thought and i felt sort of reluctant i had shared about myself without really know who they were....so I learned to be more discriminating what i said and how much and for how long before meeting...if they were local and could meet easily.
then i found pof a year ago and it all changed! the forums soon came into my focus and suddenly emailing took a back seat to openly discussing things here and finding interest in others because of their posts here. and yet, the two people i got to know from here were not local to me at all - and so with distance came more writing and phone calls before meeting just because it was not practical or possible to meet quickly.
but, oddly, when i did meet them (at separate points in the year, not concurrently) - there was a genuine connection with both - perhaps because we had taken the time to have phone calls and not rush into meeting and also had the time to really see who each other was through our forum posts and emailing too.
so, OP, no, my history with writing and emailing to get to know another has not been a waste of time at all....and, after all, it is my way of letting them get to know me too. but of course, i try my best these days not to project onto who they might be before meeting in person - or let them project onto who I might be either.
i get from reading your post that you are just more naturally a phone call type person and i agree you can hear their energy and get major insight that way - but some people also or moreso get much from writing too - and seeing the energy and outlook of the author.
it's all a fascinating trip to me of discovery - both others and oneself too!
and, like akimmbo said earlier, my enjoyment of writing and reading the personal written word is such that i like it to continue even after meeting and forming a relationship. i remember in the past, emailing would usually come to an end after meeting, for the other person felt it was not necessary anymore to communicate that way.....and no, not necessary, per se, but fun and still full of learning!
i find sometimes i can bypass my subjective mind state easier when i write than when i speak....and so sometimes i can write better what i wish to express....so to that special someone, writing feels very intimate and very personal.....as it does to receive his written messages meant for me too.
so, not a waste of time for me, OP....quite the opposite!
 Boricua Papi
Joined: 10/8/2007
Msg: 20
Why do people waste time chatting online and email, before meeting?
Posted: 7/8/2008 6:43:06 AM
alexy pragmatica wrote:
[/Better idea is wait until you and your partner is comfortable and not put time on anything. ]
In dating sites we don't have "partners"! Dating sites are a pool of prospective people you would like to meet and eventually "date", therefore waiting weeks or months to meet any of these "prospective people" is feeding too many expectations. But this is a pool, so while you ( in your case) are waiting for "both of you" to be confortable, what happens with the rest of the pool of people? You don't actually have a partner yet!! Once you find(meet) some one and decide to enter in a dating relationship, then you have a partner. In the meanwhile, go ahead and meet the prospective guys you are interested in!!
 girlee_girl13
Joined: 9/5/2006
Msg: 21
Why do people waste time chatting online and email, before meeting?
Posted: 7/8/2008 6:56:41 AM
I love your answer! I totally agree...I like to IM/Chat with a guy for a bit before I give out my number. I have to feel comfortable enough after chatting with you to give out my number and with all the different search engines and such, I only give my cell phone...NEVER my home phone. Don't need some guy google searching my number and showing up at my home where I live with my child! I'm sure there are girls who would do the same thing and show up at some guys house! Spelling is a big one for me, as well as being able to carry on a decent conversation online...after all checks out there and I am comfortable, then we can talk on the phone...then meet. It's all a process! (LOL)
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 22
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Why do people waste time chatting online and email, before meeting?
Posted: 7/14/2008 3:32:00 AM
I don't know that I want to spend weeks or months e-mailing and/or IMing but I do want to get to know someone a bit before meeting them. The only marginal dates I have had were the result of too little communication before the first meeting.

Like many other things, it is a balance between waiting too long for that first meeting and not spending enough time e-mailing or on the phone before you set up that first meet/date. I figure if someone cannot spend a minimal amount of time communicating in some way, they are likely either very rigid or expect instant gratification, neither of which is desirable.

Why would getting to know someone be a waste of time regardless of whether things ever "go" anywhere? Anyone we meet has the ability to enrich our lives and we usually don't know what role they will play until later. If you blow someone off because things aren't moving quickly enough, you potentially lose out on someone who could at least become a friend even if things do not gel romantically.
 Urbanessa
Joined: 8/15/2007
Msg: 23
Why do people waste time chatting online and email, before meeting?
Posted: 7/14/2008 6:36:27 AM

@nicegirl4love:

And then a meet in a neutral place, ie. Starbucks, WITH one of my friends. I'm not ending up in the trunk of anyone's car thank you very much :)

You are seriously turning your first dates into group meets? *gasp*
Your way you might not end up in anybody's trunk, but you might not end up in anybody's arms either. If someone I was having a first date with showed up with their buddy, sister, mother or whoever in tow the date would be over before they could even say "hello".

@Goin_mobile:

I generally agree with the original poster...you exchange a handful of emails to get an idea if there's some compatiblity, and if there is, talk on the phone to see if there's more of a connection. You can tell a LOT from a phone conversation...so much more than from simple e-mails. For instance, you can get a good idea how smart and educated someone is when you talk on the phone.

Well, if your e-mails are indeed "simple", then you're probably right. But many people are able to exchange e-mails that are anything but "simple", but that are well though out and well constructed and that allow deep insights.

Generally, it depends on the depth and length of those e-mails as well as of phone conversations to say whether or not one is giving more information about the person. Personally, I've always prefered e-mails, because they allow the conversationalist to rethink their words before they transmit them. Especially, when it comes to meeting someone new that is a quality phone conversations simply can't have.

Oh, and I disagree with some previous posters that believe they can judge the e-mailers' intelligence by their spelling skills - there are tons of smart people out there that won't win a "Spelling Bee" contest. Particularly those involved in positions in which they hardly ever do any writing.

@Tinkerbell201:

And I am sorry for all those nay-sayers, but, you do get a completely higher level of revelation from a verbal communication than you do in writing. My point was, before investing the time in meeting a person, do the "phone test" first, that's all.

And what exactly is it that makes you know that just because one thing is true for you it must be true for everybody else, too? Phone conversations don't do much for me, and they don't offer any type of "revelation" to me that a long well-constructed e-mail could not offer...

And, I guess, the other point, was not to spend endless amounts of time on email/IM only.

Well, if people like me (writers) would listen to people like you (phone chatters) I would most likely not be in the happy relationship I am in. Thank god people like me don't listen to people like you, but people like me keep e-mailing back and forth and back and forth and back and forth for months before meeting with Mr. Right with no phone conversation in between...

Now don't get me wrong IM/email is fine for making "online" friends. But, if you're looking for a potential mate, you're going to need to be able to communicate on other levels, no time like the present!
Exactly, no time like the present. That's why you meet with the other person in person and present yourselves to each other.

@texasbilly:

It is very hard to get to know someone through e-mail you know the short little dittys. As for me I can say more in 10 minutes than I could type in a month! This is a dating site people NOT e- mails R US! I figure if you are to parinod to talk you'r darn sure to parinoid to date.

"Short little dittys"? Just because you can't type or are unwilling to express yourself in e-mail doesn't mean that e-mailing isn't the best way possible to get to know a person for other people.


Besides peple tend to ask questions that can not be answered with e-mail.

And what kind of question would that be?
The only answers that I could possibly think of that a person would not want to give in an e-mail are those answers that - for legal reasons - they don't want to put in writing... Now, if a man has that kind of issues I would not be going to date him anyway...

 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 24
Why do people waste time chatting online and email, before meeting?
Posted: 7/14/2008 8:46:08 PM
OPie, since it's a pure given that *most* peeps you're gonna meet here will NOT be *the one.* Why would anyone want to go rushing off to meet (time, distance, gas $, coffee$, dinner $) whole bunches of peeps who ARE NOT going to click with you?

My view? Clearly different from most here is: get to know them as well as you can talking (not *chatting*) on line. Move it to phones if there is enough there to warrant it, and meet, finally, when you're sure of the mind/soul connection. If that is secure, the chemicals follow right on time, no worry.

I personally hate setting myself up over and over for downers. . . .

Good luck, all!
 misszmsz
Joined: 5/31/2008
Msg: 25
Why do people waste time chatting online and email, before meeting?
Posted: 7/15/2008 3:53:37 PM
I am one that wants a man to express himself, and being able to write a note is important in getting to know someone. It is an extremely valuable tool in screening the person and knowing what they're like, so if and when you do meet, you have some familiar topics to discuss. When meeting in person then it becomes a conversation instead of a job interview, even if you aren't attracted to that person romantically. If someone is will to spend the time writing to me then I know they are generous with their time and that makes them much more attractive for a long term partner, instead of a date for the night.
 ImAHotMess
Joined: 7/11/2008
Msg: 26
Why do people waste time chatting online and email, before meeting?
Posted: 7/15/2008 4:17:25 PM
lmfao Asteliapuff39, you nailed that on the head. Not to mention it can get expensive racking up a phone bill. It also gets old having to add the name "don't answer" in your phone. A few e mails first , then a meeting can determine how far it is going to go. Hopefully. Then again if you read my profile, you can see the luck I have had. lol.
 Tinkerbell201
Joined: 7/25/2007
Msg: 27
Why do people waste time chatting online and email, before meeting?
Posted: 7/15/2008 7:00:32 PM
Well amactor (Drew), almond, circle and gentlemanjack (and a few others), it looks like we're in the minority. I think I'm more cut out for the "normal world", to borrow Drew's term.

I'm glad everyone is enjoying the thread it was the first I'd ever posted. Next time I will be VERY careful in how I present a potential topic, I had no idea I would strike a nerve with some, but I clearly did. My intent was to generate discussion which seems to have worked.

Wish me luck in coming up with the next question.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 28
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Why do people waste time chatting online and email, before meeting?
Posted: 10/10/2008 3:56:17 PM
I disagree with it being a waste of time. All time spent is an investment, and I don't think about it as having to have a "payoff".

If there is interest, communicating either builds interest (either way) or lessens it to the point of not wanting to meet. Either way I personally consider it time well "invested".

" I see it as research! It also saves time as far as I'm concerned!

Maybe if people talked and chatted more there would be a lot less whinny threads out there! "

Have to agree with the rock man! I think about how I choose to invest my time, it is the only resource we have that we cannot replace.
 robfish
Joined: 11/14/2006
Msg: 29
Why do people waste time chatting online and email, before meeting?
Posted: 10/10/2008 4:09:18 PM
I don't see it as a waste of time at all. I'd rather establish some form of connection here before rushing into a first meet with someone I barely know. Another positive to it is that you can get most of the questions out of the way through online chat/email and have a proper date....not a job interview. If you can't get along online, its very doubtful that it would be any different in person.
 katoramone
Joined: 10/22/2005
Msg: 30
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Why do people waste time chatting online and email, before meeting?
Posted: 10/11/2008 1:08:39 AM
I have to say this thread made me analize what I do here, and I realized I am 1 of those who email a fair amount...but why? I had to think about it, and now I have to say I do it because I take what I am doing here seriously and use writing first as a filter. The profiles give an impression of compatability and writing furthers that. I have only talked to 1 woman on the phone and the personal argument about sending my number wasn't an easy thing, but by that point the emails lead me to think it was worth looking into even before calling, ironically she failed to mention her short visa status in country here so thats why I'm still here.
To me its not a waste of time but an investment, but I'm the cautious type, those who think it is a waste I am guessing are the free spirited type either way, this is a good thread.
 celts123
Joined: 5/15/2008
Msg: 31
Why do people waste time chatting online and email, before meeting?
Posted: 10/11/2008 9:12:34 AM
There are many different possible reasons. Sometimes you might be the other person's backup option. Some people might be shy or are afraid about meeting someone from the internet. Some people have no intentions of meeting the other person. They like exchanging emails with someone when they are bored. I would like to meet a woman within 1-2 weeks if there is a connection. Otherwise sometimes you can form an unrealistic fantasy image of a person based on their photos, profiles, email / phone conversations etc. When the real image is different than the fantasy image, you can quickly lose interest.
 ImAHotMess
Joined: 7/11/2008
Msg: 32
Why do people waste time chatting online and email, before meeting?
Posted: 11/1/2008 2:31:10 PM
I keep the e mails to a minimum, then I really prefer a phone call if it is a man I am even interested in. I am looking to actually meet someone, not live via e mails and text messages. Texting is fine for an occasional "hello" or when you cannot get to a phone, but to try and create a "relationship" with them....is pathetic. I am honestly sickend by the fact some people can not even call, or say things that just do not add up!! Some people may find it easier to just e mail and "IM" (which I will not even do) because they can not handle it in the real world.And it does not take too long to figure this out.Once the excuses start flooding in, I remove myself from the equasion. Like I said in my profile, I already have e mail friends and I have family to chat with. I know what I am looking for, and if someone makes it to getting my phone number, I am hopeing for an actual conversation and meet.
 temarie
Joined: 5/7/2008
Msg: 33
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Why do people waste time chatting online and email, before meeting?
Posted: 11/1/2008 3:48:17 PM
I would rather meet for coffee then giving out my phone number, but then i work nights and do not care for people waking me up.
 motownmaniax
Joined: 8/13/2006
Msg: 34
Why do people waste time chatting online and email, before meeting?
Posted: 11/17/2008 10:27:21 AM
People take this at different speeds.

Some "want" to meet quickly to see if there's any physical attraction and chemistry, evidently to gauge follow up interest, and if little or none is present move on.

Others want much more preliminary information before ever agreeing to meet.

It just depends on comfort level; there are no right and wrong ways to the process. The ultimate goal, at least to me, is to find compatibility. How one gets there is immaterial.

Personally, if there's "mutual" interest I prefer to meet as soon as possible. I'm rather sick of re-typing my life story over and over again or spending hrs on the phone answering the same questions, only to meet in person and know within a few minutes we're not compatible (and this revelation can come from "either" side, btw -- I'm definitely not arrogant enough to pretend I'm the prize). Obviously, this precludes distance dating, since most of us can hardly meet quickly if it means having to drive for hrs or schedule a plane ride?

As for initial interest, I really don't get that many messages on here, certainly not what nice looking women (or the ever-popular boob shot profiles) get? It doesn't surprise me, though. Dating itself is geared to pursuit=>catch, and guess what genders have which roles?

Mo
 motownmaniax
Joined: 8/13/2006
Msg: 35
Why do people waste time chatting online and email, before meeting?
Posted: 11/17/2008 11:44:05 AM
That's where "mutual" compatibility comes in. You're obviously not attracted to all 1,000 contacts, right? Everyone has a sifting process (some more stringent than others)? And I'm sure most live too far away to meet, let alone date.

Now, if one is only on here for pen pals and talk (some certainly are), then the point is moot.

Mo
 OneMoreTimeWithFeeling
Joined: 9/8/2008
Msg: 36
Why do people waste time chatting online and email, before meeting?
Posted: 11/17/2008 11:51:15 AM
I actually have a friend on another site, and they meet everyone that asks them out. Seriously, she's had about 50 dates in the last 3 months. She never gets past the first date though. She always finds something wrong with them and hasn't slept with any of them. She says now she has lots of stories to tell at parties. She's been divorced for over a year and really wanted to get back out there. LOL But I am the complete opposite. I take my time in meeting people. Different strokes.
 Fairwayman
Joined: 7/8/2006
Msg: 37
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Why do people waste time chatting online and email, before meeting?
Posted: 2/16/2009 9:51:47 PM
Exactly!!

I have talked to a few women in the past that seem to have a fear of meeting fairly quickly if at all..... My only thought is that this IS supposed to be a dating site, and I dont really relish the idea of "dating" my computer. My opinion is if ya don't want to meet, join Facebook and get off of POF!!

Cheers!!
 Fairwayman
Joined: 7/8/2006
Msg: 38
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Why do people waste time chatting online and email, before meeting?
Posted: 2/17/2009 7:41:38 AM
Wow Sexi Cali!

Sounds like a scary and very unfortunate situation. I guess my pov is coming from the idea of meeting in a public place, in order to ensure the safety and comfort of both people- especially the woman.... Most are still reluctant to do that :(
 motownmaniax
Joined: 8/13/2006
Msg: 39
Why do people waste time chatting online and email, before meeting?
Posted: 2/17/2009 8:32:05 AM
There's no problem with chatting, emailing, phone calling for hrs beforehand -- if the approach is "mutual".

If not, if one would prefer to dispense with most of the indirect contact and meet face-to-face, and you don't, you have a choice to make -- either change your behavior and accept his/hers, or not.
 beautyshop
Joined: 12/15/2008
Msg: 40
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Why do people waste time chatting online and email, before meeting?
Posted: 2/17/2009 10:47:40 AM
i would rather talk on the phone, but will say chatting does help u rule out wackos early on before mtg!!!
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