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Joined: 9/30/2007
Msg: 9
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How to let go?Page 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Hey there WWJD..

Listen I know how you feel. My ex and I both met in church.. as young adults. We ran around together with a whole group of young adults and eventually fell in love and got married. About six months after we were married he felt he had been called into the ministry so we went to Bible College together and I got to go with him.

After Bible College he slipped into drugs and alcohol.. there was a lot in his past that he had never dealt with.. we eventually split up.. that was 22 years ago end of July.

Hon, I still love my ex husband in a way.. and it has been 22 years. He was a believer like I was but then he got into problems.. I stayed straight.. he chose not to.

So it is ok to love him.. and it is ok to be grateful for him in the past he was a part of your life and he was one of the things that influenced your life so just let it be what it is.

Over time.. I think those emotions will quieten down.. and you will move on with them.. but it takes a little time for you to find the balance.

It will be ok.. I promise..
Joined: 6/3/2008
Msg: 13
How to let go?
Posted: 7/5/2008 12:16:34 PM
Like the others on this post I am sorry to hear you're in pain and I will send positive thoughts your way..Many of us have been thru similar situations and breakups and while it is never easy you will make it thru. I still love all my ex's but of course as the song goes..the first cut is the deepest. I do not wish to be with any of my ex's but I must remind myself that the relationships I have had in the past, have helped me become the person I am today.

Really take some time to treat yourself special and focus on you and what "you" need.
Rely on family and friends and your church cause they are there for you.

I don't think you are "dumb" for having your ideals. Stick with what you believe and don't compromise if you don't want to :)

Good things will happen...but it always happens on it's own time.

take care
Joined: 1/18/2008
Msg: 15
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How to let go?
Posted: 7/5/2008 12:49:11 PM
I'm sorry for your loss OP and it is a _loss_. You are in mourning and you will suffer the stages of grief the same as if an actual death has occurred for now. I've lived both sides of that coin in that I've endured the break-up of a relationship in the past (haven't we all) and the death of a S/O.

They told me "time" and my question was the same, "how much time" which I knew wasn't a logical question. The answer is, everyone deals with things such as this in their own "time", some more, some less time. I know it's not the definitive answer that you might want.

What you must allow yourself to do is grieve the loss through all the stages. You keep yourself busy was good for me. I even put everything, such as pictures and objects out of sight or threw things away that I no longer felt the need to have nor wanted. Out of sight, out of mind worked well. As soon as I stopped going to the cemetery and went through the stages of grief my heartache became less and less painful until the pain stopped. It worked the same for the breakup of a relationship too, uh, except there wasn't a cemetery involved of course, but all the same. Looking at pictures can slow down the healing process and anything else that would remind you of him, so put them away until there is a time that it doesn't bother you so much or at all is best.

There is always room in ones heart to allow someone else to enter after it has healed. The trick is, you have to have healed. You will know when you have. When you truly do want to allow another into your heart and the pain in your gut has waned and is gone, this is when you know you have moved on.

You will still have a "love" for him most likely but it will be different than it was before.
Joined: 9/30/2007
Msg: 16
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How to let go?
Posted: 7/5/2008 12:51:04 PM
Well the reason why it hurts is that you are grieving.. the reason why it takes a while to heal is that is how we are psycologically put together. We are made to grieve our loss and it is painful.

Instead of seeking to have the pain end.. why don't you just grieve it.. and go through the pain.

Most of peoples mistakes after a break up occur because they are avoiding their pain rather than embracing it.

Your town looks large enough.. I'd look in the paper for a good divorce recovery group at a church I am sure there are several there..

God never promised to take our pain away.. He promises to be with us in our pain.. that is a big difference.

Also try to reach out to others.. while you are going through this.. help with a charity.. visit old people in the nursing home.. try to help someone else who is also hurting.

Joined: 9/30/2007
Msg: 20
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How to let go?
Posted: 7/5/2008 4:07:38 PM
Thank you for the compliment, I don't feel beautiful. My x-told me I have let myself go. I don't think I have but maybe I am deluding myself. I am not 29 like his new wife so I guess to him I have let myself go???

Listen here girlfriend.. that is insane to buy into his crap??? That was his way of covering up his own guilt.. he is selfish and self involved.. be glad he is someone else's problem.. I'll bet his happy a$$ isn't so good looking any more either.. sheesh!!! what a dip *hit!!! And listen 29 year old bimbo.. hahahaha lordy lordy.. is she in for a surprise that Mr. wonderful ain't so wonderful!!!

He is a drunk!!! HE HAS A DRINKING PROBLEM!!! Drunks will say anything!!!! It is the disease taking!!!

Since you are a believer.. I would recommend someone for you to listen to. Her name is Joyce Meyer and I recommend a good dose of her every day. U can easily find her web site and the tv schedules. Her seminal piece of work is the book Battlefield of the Mind and it would help you a lot if you would read it.. because it is all about what we are thinking..

But honey you need to quit defining yourself based on what your ex said. Yes, be responsible for your part of the marriage ending... but don't let his crap define you.. you can't move forward into what God has for you if you do that. And forget about all the teaching you hear in your church about being a good wife. You were a good wife.. ok? he was a lousy husband.. and a drunk..

So the marriage they are talking about at church is not the marriage you had and that was not your fault.
Joined: 9/30/2007
Msg: 22
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How to let go?
Posted: 7/5/2008 4:15:15 PM
Well Robin I dont ascribe to your solution totally.. I believe that we have to make up our minds that we aren't going to let something like this beat us.. but God will give us His strenght when we ask for it. I don't believe that absolves us of our part but I have experienced God giving me strength to endure my hardships even being sick unto death with cancer.

So OP.. you continue in your faith.. and when you can't do it any more ask for His strength and comfort. You just get real and pray "God, I can't do this by myself I need You". Just a simple prayer.. then open yourself to recieve it.
Joined: 6/29/2008
Msg: 23
How to let go?
Posted: 7/5/2008 4:16:15 PM

well I seriously doubt anyone can forget the people who change their lives. (poltics are a great example lol) but as people we should learn to accept the situation. the best advice I can think of is to surround yourself with good people and focus on your passion or hobbies (there is nothing more attractive then a person with goals and interests)

good luck!
Joined: 11/17/2006
Msg: 30
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How to let go?
Posted: 7/6/2008 6:40:43 PM
Hi. It will take time and patience. I would try to find the book " rebuilding when your relationship ends" by Dr. Bruce Fisher. It helped me out a great deal. God bless you. It will all work out.
Joined: 5/20/2007
Msg: 31
How to let go?
Posted: 7/6/2008 7:02:41 PM
I am sorry for your pain.
But sometimes when a door closes.... a bigger one opens in our life.Don't believe what your ex says about you. It seems that it is a way of attacking your self steem.Only you know who you are. You look great and you show that you have a great heart.
I am 54 .I've found love when I was 50( now my ex).I mean nobody knows when and where that special person appears in our life.
All the best to you
Joined: 6/5/2008
Msg: 34
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How to let go?
Posted: 7/6/2008 10:43:42 PM
hey hon, it does not take as long as you might thing. Once you find someone that is caring and listens to you it will feel much better. People do heal at different rates but don't just stay home and mope. You should not hate him but he did violate your trust and that should make you glad that he is someone else's problem. It you want to talk about it you can write me.
Joined: 2/22/2008
Msg: 39
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How to let go?
Posted: 7/14/2008 11:25:07 PM
they time heals all wounds .well its not entirely true but it does help a lot . One thing you have to remember you have a choice, to move on or stay in the past . My hubby was killed 2 years ago ,same thing in a way i had a choice to move on or wallow in self pity , i chose to move on and you should to. You say you are happy for him that is great , Maybe you just miss the security that you had . you will get through this and good luck for the future .
Joined: 1/18/2007
Msg: 44
How to let go?
Posted: 7/15/2008 9:35:40 PM
You most probably will and can always love long as you are not still IN LOVE with him...there is a big you still can care about him but not care for him.

It is best to do whatever you need to do though to let go otherwise your energy will not attract the one who should be with you.
Joined: 8/4/2007
Msg: 47
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How to let go?
Posted: 10/25/2008 11:05:18 PM
It took me a 2 month trip to Germany and a 2 month vacation to FL to get over 20 years. Thank goodnes I have family in Germany. I've been dating now close to 10 years and I have had some good ones and some bad ones and a few real bad ones, but I learn from each date or relationship. Now I've meet a real nice woman who was marreid to a drunk for 30 years. She admits that it was 29 years too long and is happy now. Count your blessings and move on! Just because god loves a drunk does not meen we have to. I know I dated a couple and I know it was not for me. It was always someone elses fault and never theirs. The dog made me drink!
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