Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Ask A Guy  >      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 SpiceyCougar
Joined: 4/29/2008
Msg: 31
Playing Hard To GetPage 3 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)

Do u personality like it when a gurl plays "hard to get" as she hardly or occasionally calls u, asks u to chill with her, doesn't majority of the time show affection. Does this result in you wanting to get to know her more on a romantically level because she's not "instantly available" for you?


Reading this makes me think of the TV Show "Bridezilla". It completely blows my mind why anyone would want to spend the rest of their lives with a woman like this. Th e fact that this show is thriving shows that men actually DO marry women who play games like this. So... you might get lucky and find a man... or two... who will marry you if you show you are bored with him.

However, the reality of it is... Little girl, when you grow up, you will learn men...or women... no longer enjoy these games. Most people are scared and torn to pieces from someone playing a gamre just like this. Most will no longer tolorate such imature behavior. After so many games.. people just want to be treated human.... and be told if there is a chance or not.


The best trick to getting a woman to amp up her game is to pretend you aren't interested. Shooting a smile and then letting the trail go cold drives women mad and will make them try twice as hard to get your attention. Women are (no offense) vain by nature, and so the idea that this man smiled but suddenly isn't interested is impossible to fathom, it's a rather effective tool in determining a womans level of commitment to getting you're attention.


A guy doing this would piss me off to no extent. Not because I am, what did you say? Vain? No... I am just tired of men's bullsh*t games! I am too old to play the "he smiled at me... but now he's cold... but he smiled at me" game.

If a man did this. Or acted disinterested after smiling/talking to me.... I would think he was completely disinterested. As a matter of fact... I would think he was playing the game of not wanting me, but not wanting someone else to have me either. On top of that, I would have the feeling that he only wants to keep me interested enough to stay hoping he will come around.... when all the while... he only has me there until something better comes along.

No... I would never indulge a man's game that does this. I would find him disinterested and *I* would move on.
 fourletterfame
Joined: 5/13/2008
Msg: 32
Playing Hard To Get
Posted: 7/8/2008 9:40:42 AM
Oh look, more disdain in regards to someone else's opinion, how colorful.
 secret_agent_thing
Joined: 3/20/2008
Msg: 33
Playing Hard To Get
Posted: 7/8/2008 10:06:25 AM

Funny, after reading the replies, why is it that men don't like women that play hard to get but they themselves like to play hard to get?


Not sure if that was in reference to a particular post or just your own experience but I personally don't play hard to get. I can't speak for anyone but myself but I assume the majority of decent guys will say that if it seems like they're playing hard to get they're actually just not interested.
 ca-soldier
Joined: 7/3/2008
Msg: 34
Playing Hard To Get
Posted: 7/8/2008 1:17:51 PM
[Do any of the women who play hard to get even think about other women? Maybe there would be less of those can't take no for an answer men if no women played hard to get....] EXACTLY!!! what is the difference between a woman who is palying hard to get, and a woman who sint interested? Absolutely nothing!! They are acting exactly the same way, giving off the same exact vibes, and exuding the same behaviour. Of course if more women approached men, we wouldnt have this problem near as much
 liquid405
Joined: 6/28/2008
Msg: 37
Playing Hard To Get
Posted: 7/8/2008 3:25:30 PM

I love people tired of "games" You may be tired, but if you don't play...you're outtie!

Look, the games are another name for courtship and it's been going on forever. Wouldn't we all just like to have what we want and skip movies, dinner sout...flowers...dancing in lame clubs paying too much for drinks you fill in the kabookie dance, but skip the games...i.e. courtship and you often skip the person you want.

This is pure bull****. If you feel like playing games, you are wasting my time. I respect assertiveness far more than manipulation.


If you're playing hard to get, you can forget about it. I just assume you're not interested.

Listen to this man. Men follow patterns, and if the pattern screams "I'm not interested", then we will respond accordingly.
 xeot
Joined: 10/25/2007
Msg: 38
view profile
History
Playing Hard To Get
Posted: 7/8/2008 4:58:38 PM
It will cause me think she isn't interested. I move on. If it turns out she was 'playing hard to get' now I'm not interested because she decided to play some stupid game.

I guess 50 years ago when men could be persistent it might have been worth it to play the stupid game. Today, persistence is often called stalking when the woman isn't actually interested in the guy. The thing is there is no difference from the guy's POV between 'not interested' and 'playing hard to get'.
 ahron9985
Joined: 4/19/2008
Msg: 40
Playing Hard To Get
Posted: 8/1/2008 11:41:27 PM
Well no supprise, i'm with every other male poster in this thread.

Games are annoying. Plus how do you know it's a game? i would just think she's not interested, and therfore, I'd forget it.
 ahron9985
Joined: 4/19/2008
Msg: 44
Playing Hard To Get
Posted: 8/2/2008 3:55:51 AM

this could probably be the most unanimous reply to question.


You're so right!!!! I'm impressed with it!! Makes me wonder this "people are more attractive when they are hard to get" misconception actually stems from. I think it's the girls who this actually applies to. I know several of my female friends have said things like, "he's more attractive now that has a girlfriend" ha ha.

It's not the guys who like this stupid hard-to-get game, that's for sure!!!!!!!
 Lifeismycanvas
Joined: 8/7/2007
Msg: 47
view profile
History
Playing Hard To Get
Posted: 8/2/2008 4:28:05 AM
I think as society evolves, the "hard to get" tactic is slowly falling into obsolesence. On one hand, people value things that are rare/precious or hard to obtain. These days though, people have busier lives and chasing some girl who is giving you the runaround just doesn't seem worth it. Also, people tend to like other people who like them because to us it means they have good judgement for choosing us. The other end of the spectrum is people who are too available, this is usually unnattractive to men and women because it means that the person has no life outside of their partner.
 pokerjimmy
Joined: 11/10/2006
Msg: 48
view profile
History
Playing Hard To Get
Posted: 8/2/2008 7:25:51 AM
First off, let me enlighten the men who answered...there are ALWAYS the games. They never end. We have our part and the ladies have theirs. If you don't want to play, you don't have to, but every species has a mating ritual and humans are no different.

To answer your question, the "hard to get" game is fine if you're good at it and don't over play you're hand and get dumped.

You always have to be looking over your shoulder to see if he's chasing, because if you look back and he's not, he found someone who didn't make it quite so hard to catch or he wasn't quite that interested.
 RaleighRider121
Joined: 7/16/2008
Msg: 49
view profile
History
Playing Hard To Get
Posted: 8/2/2008 7:34:27 AM
Though there have been multiple replies here, I'd like to speak my mind as well:

I think that a woman playing hard to get at first is not a good idea, as she could easily lose the guy she's interested in. However, once the relationship has started, and 'the fish has been caught' so to speak I think one or the other party should try this out, as a test to see how clingy the other party is, and if they have any worries about the relationship.

Now, to answer the question for me, myself. I don't much like it when women play games, as I don't play games. So, this being said, I would have to say that I don't like it, plain and simple.

I apologize for redundancies in this post.
 staffycrackers
Joined: 8/17/2004
Msg: 50
Playing Hard To Get
Posted: 8/2/2008 12:15:03 PM
Women that play hard to get are a turn off. That sort of behavior is an indicator of them wanting to play games. I hate having my time wasted so I appreciate someone who is direct with me. I have tons of better things to do than to play mind games. My time is valueable
 androgynousvon
Joined: 7/5/2008
Msg: 51
Playing Hard To Get
Posted: 8/31/2008 10:58:29 AM
jimmy is actually right. people do value what isn't so easily had, but the caveat is they will give up if whatever it is they desire seems too unobtainable. it's a well-studied psychology concept. another well-studied concept pertains to intermittent reinforcement. it's much more powerful than continuous reinforcement.

the responses you're seeing on this thread mainly reflect the fact that so many people have been burned. they've reached the point where the object of their desire eventually seems too unobtainable (see above), so they become frustrated and give up hope. they've had it happen frequently enough that they now extrapolate to future 'hard to get' encounters.

the point here is if you're going to play hard to get, you need to do it very carefully (as jimmy mentioned). if done correctly, it will increase the pursuer's desire while at the same time not discourage the pursuer. you have to give the pursuer just enough intermittent reinforcement that he/she doesn't lose hope. it'll keep the pursuer on his/her toes and increase the attraction the pursuer feels. however, there comes a point where this 'game' needs to cease; otherwise, one risks the pursuer tiring/growing weary of it (lol and you).

the problem with the whole c0ncept is mainly that it's very difficult to successfully execute. there are a lot of fine lines and if not done very well, one risks losing the pursuer entirely (and, again, that's what you're seeing on this thread).
 androgynousvon
Joined: 7/5/2008
Msg: 53
Playing Hard To Get
Posted: 8/31/2008 12:17:25 PM

Pepsi had it right. If he doesn't call or return messages in a few days he's not interested. Someone mentioned maybe he's busy or something along those lines, but if I'm interested, I'll tell you your welcome to call anytime, and ask when the best times are to call you. If you won't hear from me in a few days, I'll tell you why and when I'll call again. That said, playing hard to get is something we usually pick up on right away, and don't tolerate for very long.


steve and pepsi are right too. i actually think the best thing to do is feel confident, focus on your own life (that will naturally create a little of the hard-to-get), be pleasant, and don't try too hard. go with the flow. if it works out, it works out. if not, then so be it.
 phule
Joined: 4/8/2004
Msg: 54
view profile
History
Playing Hard To Get
Posted: 8/31/2008 12:33:37 PM
~lovechild~

Playing hard to get is a head game. Why toy with someone's emotions? You could just as easily produce the opposite effect that you want... namely you can drive him away because he thinks you do not like him, or because he does not want to get involved with someone who plays games.

Playing hard to get is lying at the very beginning of a relationship. You are telling him you don't want his attention when you do. You are telling him you aren't interested in him when you are. You are telling him you don't like him when you do. Call it what you will, but it is lying regardless of the spin you put on it.

Playing hard to get is a waste of time. You could instead be working on the foundations of your relationship.
 androgynousvon
Joined: 7/5/2008
Msg: 55
Playing Hard To Get
Posted: 8/31/2008 12:42:50 PM
one last thing: hard-to-get isn't really a game. it's more a natural tendency of people to place more value on things that aren't quite so easily attainable. marketers/advertisers take advantage of this tendency all of the time. just think about people who are willing to spend $5k on a pair of shoes, for example. what exactly IS so special about those shoes? (it sure doesn't take $5k to produce the best shoes on the planet). the marketers convince you something is rare, not easily attainable, so it becomes very desireable. same thing with diamonds (de beers has done one heck of a marketing job there)...what really is so special about a mineral? you'll also notice those who can't affod those things will often turn their noses up at them (the too difficult to obtain concept). anyway, the list goes on. it also applies to relationships.
 phule
Joined: 4/8/2004
Msg: 56
view profile
History
Playing Hard To Get
Posted: 8/31/2008 1:01:20 PM
The people who are willing to spend $5k on a pair of shoes are foolish in my opinion. More than likely they aren't going to be able to wear those shoes everywhere. More than likely they aren't even going to be all that well made.

Think Imelda Marcos
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Imelda_Marcos
When you think shoes.

People willing to spend that much on a single pair of shoes have way way way too much money to spend, and have really screwed up values. That $5k could go towards much better uses, and I'm not only talking about charitable donations.

Now, the whole concept of wanting what you can't have... it might be common, but that in no way makes it normal. People are greedy too. People sometimes want to hurt others, to take what they have. Is this normal and expected too?

Hard to get IS a game, because you want to make someone work all that much harder to prove they DO want you. You want to toy with their feelings, to keep them on the brink of wanting to leave, and wanting to stay. You want to tease them, by dangling something in front of their nose to get them to act the way you want them to act.
 androgynousvon
Joined: 7/5/2008
Msg: 57
Playing Hard To Get
Posted: 8/31/2008 1:17:23 PM
ok, one last, last thing lol...

hard-to-get usually indicates one of two things: (1) the person playing hard-to-get is very interested (otherwise, he/she wouldn't even bother with hard-to-get), (2) for some people, it's an ego boost to see how many people they can get to respond (people who do this need to work on their self-esteem...it needs to come from within...plus, these types aren't really goo relationship material...too many self-worth problems)

i guess it could also be total lack of interest, but by definition, that wouldn't be "playing" hard-to-get!"

btw, phule, i agree with what you and other posters say, but it's still a natural tendency for people to value things that aren't so easy to come by. people, for the most part, don't plan to feel that way, but they do to a certain degree. as i said, the key is if it becomes too difficult to get, the other party will give up. you're definitely right: it could easily backfire and result in the pursuer assuming the interest isn't there on the pursuee's part. also, if played too hard and for too long, it could annoy the pursuer...that can be seen in a lot of these posts...people get tired of it eventually. that's why i said it's VERY difficult to execute well. however, IF executed well and timed appropriately, it can often also create a wonderful intensity between the 2 parties...making the fruits to 'come' all the sweeter (pun intended lol)

on a personal note, i'm not into playing hard to get. i simply prefer to live my life and go with the flow. it has the same effect as hard-to-get, though...mainly because, hopefully, people see i'm confident and i'm enjoying life so no need to play games...i'm not needy and it shows...know what i mean? the only problem i have is in interpreting the other party's motive...never sure...i try to remain open and adopt the attitude of whatever will be, will be, so no point stewing.
 FluffyBrain
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 58
Playing Hard To Get
Posted: 8/31/2008 11:22:38 PM
Phule,
Those people don't necessarily have screwed up values. They're usually of the mindset of saving and scripming (think Warren Buffet), but sometimes, they do just the opposite...money ceases to mean much (that's also more likely to happen with the person who isn't actually earning it....very easy to become quite jaded in that position).

Anyway, I don't necessarily think hard to get is a game either. It's natural human behavior - and, as has been pointed out, very well studied. Not necessarily ideal behavior, but it is what it is, nevertheless, and I don't believe denial serves much purpose. We have to work with our oh so human reality rather than what we perceive to be ideal. :-}
 spiderette
Joined: 6/28/2008
Msg: 61
Playing Hard To Get
Posted: 9/1/2008 12:08:46 AM
yeppers, just be yourself. What else can you do? lol
 aSydneyMale
Joined: 5/16/2006
Msg: 62
Playing Hard To Get
Posted: 9/1/2008 12:19:17 AM
I play hard to get... RID OF! lol

... but seriously folks...
 spiderette
Joined: 6/28/2008
Msg: 63
Playing Hard To Get
Posted: 9/1/2008 1:07:15 AM
dang it, sydney, we need to find some RAID for you!!
 Alexander_86
Joined: 6/8/2008
Msg: 64
view profile
History
Playing Hard To Get
Posted: 9/1/2008 2:00:08 AM
Playing hard to get or any other kind of game, pretty much pisses me off. and all other males for that matter.. it puts you in the same pile as the girls that are rejecting us using the whole stop talking to you routine... its imposible to desipher what it is your doing... so NO being a FLAKE... or playing hard to get as you call it, pretty much pisses men off.. I would avoid it..
 aSydneyMale
Joined: 5/16/2006
Msg: 65
Playing Hard To Get
Posted: 9/1/2008 3:24:14 AM

dang it, sydney, we need to find some RAID for you!!

Lol Spider you cut me to the quick, they can't be all gems!
 phule
Joined: 4/8/2004
Msg: 66
view profile
History
Playing Hard To Get
Posted: 9/1/2008 5:50:57 AM

I don't necessarily think hard to get is a game either. It's natural human behavior

I don't believe it is natural human behavior at all. I don't believe it is natural to want what we cannot have. When we hunt, we don't tease the prey, we find it, stalk it, and get it. It is as direct as it can be. Natural behavior is to take what we want by force. Centuries of war prove this out. Centuries of centuries of conflict prove this out.

We don't fish by dangling the bait, and then taking it away from the fish. We dangle the bait, and when the fish takes it we reel them in. This is not playing hard to get. This is playing EASY to get. Here fishie, fishie... come get the free food.

All of this has been studied very well.


Those people don't necessarily have screwed up values.


money ceases to mean much

When money ceases to have a value, I'd call that a screwed up value. When people have so much money that it's value becomes meaningless to them, I would absolutely say that they have screwed up values. More than once it has been said that people who deal in millions and billions have noticed that when the numbers are that large, it just isn't money any more. That is a screwed up value. A dollar is a dollar is a dollar, regardless of whether you have ten dollars, ten thousand dollars, or ten million dollars. It takes a well grounded person to remember that, regardless of how much money they have.
Show ALL Forums  > Ask A Guy  >