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 androgynousvon
Joined: 7/5/2008
Msg: 53
Playing Hard To GetPage 4 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)

Pepsi had it right. If he doesn't call or return messages in a few days he's not interested. Someone mentioned maybe he's busy or something along those lines, but if I'm interested, I'll tell you your welcome to call anytime, and ask when the best times are to call you. If you won't hear from me in a few days, I'll tell you why and when I'll call again. That said, playing hard to get is something we usually pick up on right away, and don't tolerate for very long.


steve and pepsi are right too. i actually think the best thing to do is feel confident, focus on your own life (that will naturally create a little of the hard-to-get), be pleasant, and don't try too hard. go with the flow. if it works out, it works out. if not, then so be it.
 phule
Joined: 4/8/2004
Msg: 54
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Playing Hard To Get
Posted: 8/31/2008 12:33:37 PM
~lovechild~

Playing hard to get is a head game. Why toy with someone's emotions? You could just as easily produce the opposite effect that you want... namely you can drive him away because he thinks you do not like him, or because he does not want to get involved with someone who plays games.

Playing hard to get is lying at the very beginning of a relationship. You are telling him you don't want his attention when you do. You are telling him you aren't interested in him when you are. You are telling him you don't like him when you do. Call it what you will, but it is lying regardless of the spin you put on it.

Playing hard to get is a waste of time. You could instead be working on the foundations of your relationship.
 androgynousvon
Joined: 7/5/2008
Msg: 55
Playing Hard To Get
Posted: 8/31/2008 12:42:50 PM
one last thing: hard-to-get isn't really a game. it's more a natural tendency of people to place more value on things that aren't quite so easily attainable. marketers/advertisers take advantage of this tendency all of the time. just think about people who are willing to spend $5k on a pair of shoes, for example. what exactly IS so special about those shoes? (it sure doesn't take $5k to produce the best shoes on the planet). the marketers convince you something is rare, not easily attainable, so it becomes very desireable. same thing with diamonds (de beers has done one heck of a marketing job there)...what really is so special about a mineral? you'll also notice those who can't affod those things will often turn their noses up at them (the too difficult to obtain concept). anyway, the list goes on. it also applies to relationships.
 phule
Joined: 4/8/2004
Msg: 56
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Playing Hard To Get
Posted: 8/31/2008 1:01:20 PM
The people who are willing to spend $5k on a pair of shoes are foolish in my opinion. More than likely they aren't going to be able to wear those shoes everywhere. More than likely they aren't even going to be all that well made.

Think Imelda Marcos
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Imelda_Marcos
When you think shoes.

People willing to spend that much on a single pair of shoes have way way way too much money to spend, and have really screwed up values. That $5k could go towards much better uses, and I'm not only talking about charitable donations.

Now, the whole concept of wanting what you can't have... it might be common, but that in no way makes it normal. People are greedy too. People sometimes want to hurt others, to take what they have. Is this normal and expected too?

Hard to get IS a game, because you want to make someone work all that much harder to prove they DO want you. You want to toy with their feelings, to keep them on the brink of wanting to leave, and wanting to stay. You want to tease them, by dangling something in front of their nose to get them to act the way you want them to act.
 androgynousvon
Joined: 7/5/2008
Msg: 57
Playing Hard To Get
Posted: 8/31/2008 1:17:23 PM
ok, one last, last thing lol...

hard-to-get usually indicates one of two things: (1) the person playing hard-to-get is very interested (otherwise, he/she wouldn't even bother with hard-to-get), (2) for some people, it's an ego boost to see how many people they can get to respond (people who do this need to work on their self-esteem...it needs to come from within...plus, these types aren't really goo relationship material...too many self-worth problems)

i guess it could also be total lack of interest, but by definition, that wouldn't be "playing" hard-to-get!"

btw, phule, i agree with what you and other posters say, but it's still a natural tendency for people to value things that aren't so easy to come by. people, for the most part, don't plan to feel that way, but they do to a certain degree. as i said, the key is if it becomes too difficult to get, the other party will give up. you're definitely right: it could easily backfire and result in the pursuer assuming the interest isn't there on the pursuee's part. also, if played too hard and for too long, it could annoy the pursuer...that can be seen in a lot of these posts...people get tired of it eventually. that's why i said it's VERY difficult to execute well. however, IF executed well and timed appropriately, it can often also create a wonderful intensity between the 2 parties...making the fruits to 'come' all the sweeter (pun intended lol)

on a personal note, i'm not into playing hard to get. i simply prefer to live my life and go with the flow. it has the same effect as hard-to-get, though...mainly because, hopefully, people see i'm confident and i'm enjoying life so no need to play games...i'm not needy and it shows...know what i mean? the only problem i have is in interpreting the other party's motive...never sure...i try to remain open and adopt the attitude of whatever will be, will be, so no point stewing.
 FluffyBrain
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 58
Playing Hard To Get
Posted: 8/31/2008 11:22:38 PM
Phule,
Those people don't necessarily have screwed up values. They're usually of the mindset of saving and scripming (think Warren Buffet), but sometimes, they do just the opposite...money ceases to mean much (that's also more likely to happen with the person who isn't actually earning it....very easy to become quite jaded in that position).

Anyway, I don't necessarily think hard to get is a game either. It's natural human behavior - and, as has been pointed out, very well studied. Not necessarily ideal behavior, but it is what it is, nevertheless, and I don't believe denial serves much purpose. We have to work with our oh so human reality rather than what we perceive to be ideal. :-}
 spiderette
Joined: 6/28/2008
Msg: 61
Playing Hard To Get
Posted: 9/1/2008 12:08:46 AM
yeppers, just be yourself. What else can you do? lol
 aSydneyMale
Joined: 5/16/2006
Msg: 62
Playing Hard To Get
Posted: 9/1/2008 12:19:17 AM
I play hard to get... RID OF! lol

... but seriously folks...
 spiderette
Joined: 6/28/2008
Msg: 63
Playing Hard To Get
Posted: 9/1/2008 1:07:15 AM
dang it, sydney, we need to find some RAID for you!!
 Alexander_86
Joined: 6/8/2008
Msg: 64
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Playing Hard To Get
Posted: 9/1/2008 2:00:08 AM
Playing hard to get or any other kind of game, pretty much pisses me off. and all other males for that matter.. it puts you in the same pile as the girls that are rejecting us using the whole stop talking to you routine... its imposible to desipher what it is your doing... so NO being a FLAKE... or playing hard to get as you call it, pretty much pisses men off.. I would avoid it..
 aSydneyMale
Joined: 5/16/2006
Msg: 65
Playing Hard To Get
Posted: 9/1/2008 3:24:14 AM

dang it, sydney, we need to find some RAID for you!!

Lol Spider you cut me to the quick, they can't be all gems!
 phule
Joined: 4/8/2004
Msg: 66
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Playing Hard To Get
Posted: 9/1/2008 5:50:57 AM

I don't necessarily think hard to get is a game either. It's natural human behavior

I don't believe it is natural human behavior at all. I don't believe it is natural to want what we cannot have. When we hunt, we don't tease the prey, we find it, stalk it, and get it. It is as direct as it can be. Natural behavior is to take what we want by force. Centuries of war prove this out. Centuries of centuries of conflict prove this out.

We don't fish by dangling the bait, and then taking it away from the fish. We dangle the bait, and when the fish takes it we reel them in. This is not playing hard to get. This is playing EASY to get. Here fishie, fishie... come get the free food.

All of this has been studied very well.


Those people don't necessarily have screwed up values.


money ceases to mean much

When money ceases to have a value, I'd call that a screwed up value. When people have so much money that it's value becomes meaningless to them, I would absolutely say that they have screwed up values. More than once it has been said that people who deal in millions and billions have noticed that when the numbers are that large, it just isn't money any more. That is a screwed up value. A dollar is a dollar is a dollar, regardless of whether you have ten dollars, ten thousand dollars, or ten million dollars. It takes a well grounded person to remember that, regardless of how much money they have.
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