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Joined: 11/24/2007
Msg: 38
Burning BridgesPage 4 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
I also dont know if its right or wrong..but it sure as hell made me feel better.I did all the goody stuff for awhile...and i got the silent treatment as well..usually it means she's not into you..or has interests with someone else..either way i dont excuse the behavior.I feel she got what was coming to her and i'm not going to be a doormat for someone..
Joined: 3/1/2008
Msg: 40
Burning Bridges
Posted: 7/9/2008 6:55:43 PM
what your friend did is really simple. he had a non communative relationship with this lady that was driving him bonkers in the brain and he had to express his anger toward this woman's ignoring him and ultimately end the relationship.

i think that we know that the way he communicated wasn't the best way. Neither was hers. But when we are upset are we necissarily the most rational people with the way that we choose to behave? I know that I am not perfect.
Joined: 5/1/2008
Msg: 41
view profile
Burning Bridges
Posted: 7/9/2008 7:34:03 PM
the best revenge is to live happy
Joined: 6/29/2008
Msg: 43
Burning Bridges
Posted: 7/11/2008 5:40:58 AM
There is no excuse for anyone to slam someone they've dated. That shows they are having a problem with being rejected in a very immature, juvenile manner and probably suffer from low self esteem.

I don't, however, believe that you should remain friends with everyone you've dated. There are times when it is smart, even desirable, to walk away and never look back.
 Happily Ever...maybe
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 45
view profile
Burning Bridges
Posted: 8/30/2008 10:01:36 AM
I think we all have burned bridges here and there, including myself. But anger is such an empty and draining emotion, and eventually you come to realize the futility of it, especially when it comes to leaving scorched earth in your wake.

If someone doesn't want to have reasonable discussions regarding a problem between us, I can't be bothered to waste too much time or emotion in that relationship. If I'm really angry, I might write a letter or email, but won't send it, and come back to look at it in a day or a week, when my emotions aren't so raw. And typically I wind up throwing it away unsent, and just walk away. I know its one of those tried and true tricks, but it really does work, or at least it does for me.
Joined: 8/10/2004
Msg: 46
Burning Bridges
Posted: 8/30/2008 10:31:50 AM
Some people “burn the bridges” in an attempt to convinces themselves. They are trying to “sell themselves” that they did / are doing the right thing.

My ex wife (at some point got sold on the idea of independent woman) started mixing with young, single, bitter “now woman watch me roar” types in college. She went to college the last three years we were married.

Some of the things she said to me (over the three years after she left) were just nuts. Things that sounded like someone else’s words.

She kept trying to convince HERSELF she had done the right thing (for herself).

She was going thru early pre-menopause (she was 43 then) and I found out ..... doing the same kind of crazy (where did that come from) talk to both daughters and others.

So ...... sometimes people do the “burn the bridges” trying to justify their actions - trying to convince themselves by saying crap out loud that they think will hurt you (and normally does hurt you).

I have not talked to her since like last December but ....... when she is in a normal mode (not in her nuts mode) she admits much of the crap she said was total bullchit lol.

She likes me - always has and always will. It was hard for her to justify (even to herself) she wanted to do something she never had done. That was to be accountable to no one - no kids - no husbands ............ no one.
Joined: 12/4/2005
Msg: 52
Burning Bridges
Posted: 8/31/2008 9:56:41 AM
Are you ****in' kiddin' me?
was done for a while, if not from the get go
just like ripping off a band-aid
end it quick and painless
and as for "not his style", obviously, it was
albeit, payback is a ****

so after all is said and done, hopefully, you and your family friend learned something out of everything

everybody comes to the answerman
Joined: 5/20/2007
Msg: 55
view profile
Burning Bridges
Posted: 8/31/2008 10:54:04 AM
I feel that burning bridges is a bad thing. One never knows if the bridge they burned today, might be the bridge they need to cross tomorrow.

My best example was a young guy at the dealership that services my semi truck. The guy was just in the beginning stages of dissolving a marriage, was trying to gain custody of both his young children, and I didn't feel he was ready for a relationship. As it turned out, he wasn't, but in my haste and disappointment, I lashed out at him, and was very disrespectful. Two months later, It was a holiday weekend, and my truck broke down 2 states away, and I had to find out a specific part number to have it repaired. Unfortunately, the only person I could think of to call that would answer, was that one particular guy. So, hesitantly, I called. I was very professional, and so was the guy, and we only spoke of the truck. I thanked him and got the parts I needed. I learned right then and there, what ever I think, or feel, always use Tact. Although we never went back and tried to date again, although 9 months later, he still fixes my truck, and does a darn good job.

So, in my life, I try to use tact and dignity if at all possible, both in business, and my personal life. So far, those two things have never led me astray.

Chapman, Kansas
Joined: 11/7/2008
Msg: 58
view profile
Burning Bridges
Posted: 10/12/2009 2:22:09 PM
Burn a bridge down, I always come prepared and have a lighter handy for just about anything, you know cook outs, camp fire, stuff like that. (lol) I' d just make sure when one does burn it down, make sure you know there isn't no crossing back to the other side. In a way it kinda protects you from anything stupid, like ever wanting to cross back over that bridge, if it isn't there for one to cross one doesn't do anything foolish twice.
Joined: 4/8/2012
Msg: 60
Burning Bridges
Posted: 5/24/2012 8:52:25 AM
Could of & should of just moved on. Truthful in his break up email & point out his reasons for his decision, but no real need to stoop to other peoples levels. I'm sure that's the mindset of some who are unhappy in their relationship & burn the bridge by cheating. Neither are a path I'd take though.
Joined: 10/22/2010
Msg: 61
Burning Bridges
Posted: 5/24/2012 9:07:02 AM

So what do the men and women of POF think of burning bridges in this way? Have you ever done it? And How did you feel about it if you did?

I've done it; and can revolt with some pretty sharp teeth (and tongue)

With that being said; just walking away's the better call.
Joined: 10/22/2010
Msg: 63
Burning Bridges
Posted: 5/24/2012 3:36:52 PM
All he accomplished was proving she was right in rejecting him

My sister was beat up pretty bad by a dude. She then, at a later date, beat him with a baseball bat as he slept. Does this show that he was right in beating her up, and vindicate his becoming offencive first? (He knew she would need, or deserve it in future sometime?)

Not a true story; makes a point

Its like proving a dog is of a violent breed by beating it with sticks, and treating it so poorly that it finally bites you. Then saying "told you so"

Cause/effect is lost in your statement.

Joined: 10/11/2007
Msg: 64
view profile
Burning Bridges
Posted: 5/24/2012 4:09:38 PM
Hi. My name is Matt and your question is an interesting one. I think a lot of people have had to confront that issue in their lives. I think that in your story or narrative the person involved didn't have a lot of great choices and in the long run will be better off for it. Personally I try not to burn bridges but it sounds like you friend didn't have much of an alternative. I do try and treat people well, but sometimes that just doesn't work. It is a shame but human nature isn't something that lends itself to a great deal of kindness. I think your friend did what was necessary. As far as my own life I don't think bad or lousy behavior is gender specific. I feel bad for your friend but not much can be done about it. Well I hope my opinion was interesting and have a good night.
Joined: 1/8/2011
Msg: 65
Burning Bridges
Posted: 6/23/2012 6:13:38 PM
I believe in treating others the same way they treat you. In other words, if they are respectful then I will end the relationship face-to-face with a hug. If they act rude or say nasty things to me, then I will end the relationship by telling them exactly how I feel and what I think of them as a person.

Why not take the high road? For me, I have too much respect for myself to let someone treat me like crap without saying anything back in return. Call it childish or whatever you want but if I don't say something I always regret it. I've found the reason many people act the way they do is because they have been allowed to run people over their whole life. Give them a taste of their own medicine and watch how they react!
Joined: 3/12/2011
Msg: 67
Burning Bridges
Posted: 6/23/2012 11:23:25 PM
First sign of disrespect, I'd have been out of there. He stuck around and put up with it for awhile. One bridge was burned today, I'm used to it. As far as your friend, the only thing I'd have done differently was not wait so long.
Joined: 6/13/2012
Msg: 69
Burning Bridges
Posted: 6/24/2012 2:29:00 AM
The bridge collapsed when the relationship failed; and that happened when she broke off the relationship. What happened made sure the rubble remained on the ground.
Joined: 11/7/2011
Msg: 70
view profile
Burning Bridges
Posted: 6/24/2012 2:47:33 AM
I completely do not understand the concept of burning a bridge with someone. You had something together at one point. Not saying that you weren't hurt, disrespected, or coddled enough but why should that stop you from being a civil adult. You always learn something about yourself or others in any relationship, be thankful for the moments and move on. (unless clinically insane or physically abusive then have them committed or thrown in jail.)
Joined: 7/22/2008
Msg: 71
Burning Bridges
Posted: 6/24/2012 8:49:01 AM
I need advice or input please....last year in april my grandma who was a second mom to me passed away then 2months after that my grandpas sister....and not to mention i had a friend we were seeing eachother since 2009 until last year well after two family members death my frind wanted a break and it was wrong time in my life to want one because i was still lonly and grieving then unintentionally and thinking i eould feel close to him and a part of him so i would feel like i was with him or whatnot i was a little tipsy one night and his brother and i messed around badly and then now ive tried so many ways of apologizing he wont accept it and before that mistake i was truly a commited person for the whole 2years....its just not fair i dont get a second chance to prove i know what i did was wrong why cant he give me a chance and would any of you give a second chance if you were in my shoes
Joined: 6/21/2010
Msg: 73
Burning Bridges
Posted: 6/24/2012 5:51:54 PM
Sometimes you do have to burn your bridges because if you don't you're giving power to the person hurting you. So yes it is necessary to cut off relationships that are not working for you.
Joined: 3/24/2009
Msg: 74
Burning Bridges
Posted: 6/24/2012 6:38:39 PM
It sounds like your friend allowed the woman to gradually be more disrespectful. He should have demanded respect from the beginning.
Joined: 8/23/2009
Msg: 75
Burning Bridges
Posted: 6/25/2012 1:05:59 AM
Writing a letter (s) really helps to make you feel you have that closure and regardless of what you have to say in the letter is no way hurtful to the other but helps you express maybe what was too hard to say or the uncertainty of how to say it to the other. I have had to do this recently, I was sad and crushed but realized this man was not for me, and all the emotions I was feeling needed the escape, knowing it didn't matter what I was feeling to him, It helped heal my mind and satisfy my soul to allow me to move on only stronger and more knowledgeable.
Joined: 8/23/2009
Msg: 76
Burning Bridges
Posted: 6/25/2012 1:08:08 AM
Opps this was a post of a reply to another on the 2nd page, this is my first time replying and reading the forum =)
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