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 AUTHOR
 LabradorOokpik
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 191
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History
Married menPage 4 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
Speaking just for myself, I don't have a picture anymore because I am just here for the forums. I also have my profile hidden, because I don't see any point in showing it as I'm not looking anyway. Others just here for the forums may have pics and a viewable profile, but I choose not to. Every now and then I give myself a "POF break" and do that, and when I feel I've had a long enough break and want to start meeting people again I will make my profile viewable again and post some pics.

As far as being honest, and this is just my opinion, having a profile pic means nothing because anyone can take a random pic of someone else, or themselves from 30 years ago, and claim it is them or current. I can have thirty pictures of myself up and have an elaborate profile everyone can see, and it can still be a total fake.
 larissan04
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 192
Married men
Posted: 9/12/2011 9:07:13 PM
3xsarcasm~

the reason people are posting strong opinions against married people trying to hook up with other people on here is because it people get hurt by this behavior. anyone who has ever had the misfortune of unwittingly falling for a married person can tell you that it completely sucks. ya end up being in the predicament of having to decide, "okay...i love this person...i now know he or she is married...can i go through with having an affair?" this sucks. you either have to walk away from someone you love, all the while kicking yourself for being stupid, or you end up getting embroiled in a pointless love affair. now, for those that walk into an affair with open eyes, well, that's different and they get what they deserve - heart ache, loneliness, and in the end, a lot of tears, too. it sucks all around. of course the married person simply waltzes right back to the spouse after they've wrecked someone else's life.

this is why there are objections to all the married people being on here. fine, if you are married and you want to "get some" on the side, then go check out the intimate encounters, or better yet, go hire a professional. that is, after all, what they are there for. but to lie, and pretend that you are seeking a real relationship all the while misrepresenting yourself, your situation, and your intentions is nothing short of hurtful and disgusting.
 3xsacharmsotheysay
Joined: 8/12/2011
Msg: 193
Married men
Posted: 9/13/2011 8:36:25 AM
Lari I can hear the pain in your post and by no means was I being flippant with my question. I guess the good in us all makes us want to trust our fellow beings.. We need to be smart at the risk of becoming untrustful because then those who lied and betrayed have taken far more... Best of luck to you!
 WesternRose
Joined: 1/2/2011
Msg: 194
view profile
History
Married men
Posted: 9/13/2011 1:58:37 PM
Larissan....I could not have said it better myself. I am facing that right now. The man's profile says that he is divorced and he is from his first wife. He just neglected to tell me that he was married again. They are separated. This I know for certain. When we met they were living in separate places.

He lives and works in another state for the time being. She lives here in Texas. This man has walked in and out of my life on several occasions. The last time I wasn't available due to family obligations and he wanted me to come to visit him and go on a trip. I had to decline so he didn't call me again until he received a goodbye message from me.

We are having conversations but I still haven't told him of my discovery. I've seen the marriage record. It popped up when I was trying to find his address on the computer. I wasn't looking for this. It just appeared as though God wanted me to be aware of it.

The man is near retirement age. The current wife is 13 years younger than him. There is no record of an annulment or divorce in the county. I think because it will be a very nasty one in the sense of property division. I will let him know that I am aware of all of this. I believe he was trying to tell me the last time we spoke but, I really wasn't listening. I kept the conversation very light and cordial. Talked about everything but that.

He knows what my principals are and how I was raised. There is no room in my life for a married man of any kind. I don't know about the rest of you but, I fully intend on going to heaven when I leave this earth. I was devastated by my discovery. I've come to terms with it and made my decision. No divorce...no me. Hard but true. I'm sure that at some point I'll be ready to get back on the horse but right now I just want to be alone. I just feel as though I was freight-trained and I wasn't even in the rodeo arena.
 larissan04
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 195
Married men
Posted: 9/13/2011 5:41:20 PM
widow~

i am soooooo soooooo sorry that you had to go through something like this. i know how painful it is. it puts you in an awful position no matter how you look at it. you fell in love with someone who happened to be married. you didnt' plan it, you didn't seek it, yet there you are. i feel your pain very acutely and i am giving you a big hug ((((( ____)))))))))).
 4x4guy95348
Joined: 9/5/2011
Msg: 196
Married men
Posted: 9/14/2011 7:23:51 PM
Instantaneous: Take a look at the vehicle registration. Do a search on marriage licenses under his name.


Longer term: Look at his lifestyle....does he spend lots of time away from you? What does he do for a living? Does he keep in touch with you when he's gone?


That's how you weed them out.
 larissan04
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 197
Married men
Posted: 9/15/2011 4:54:44 PM
3xsacharmsotheysay~

"Lari I can hear the pain in your post and by no means was I being flippant with my question. I guess the good in us all makes us want to trust our fellow beings.. We need to be smart at the risk of becoming untrustful because then those who lied and betrayed have taken far more... Best of luck to you!"

thanks! i did not take offense at what you said. yes, this type of situation is very, very painful, and i would never want to go through something like that again. it's the past and i am over it now; however, there is now a bit of paranoia in my mind whenever i date someone. i am always looking for the red flags. people like this just don't realize how much they hurt others, and obviously, some of them really, really do not care one bit.
 larissan04
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 199
Married men
Posted: 9/18/2011 7:39:50 PM
female and flirty~

"If you are caught with a married man dont tell the wife. There can be revenge attacks and even murder or suicide......... She more than likely suspects anyway and she would only blame you probably. If children are involved I definitely would not tell her. Some wives just prefer to turn a blind eye for many reasons and if they are confronted with the facts by someone then it makes it very difficult for them to carry on. "

you are right. it's best not to ever tell the wife if you end up unwittingly dating a married man. it's not worth it, and of course, the wife must know something is wrong and is simply turning a blind eye.

i think the big red flags are only being able to see you at certain times, not meeting on a friday or saturday night, also, if the guy doesn't invite you over to his place or even let you see it, then yeah, after dating a few times, that is a huge red flag. some men do have separate places though, so that isn't always the best way to tell.
 magicallaroundme
Joined: 3/9/2011
Msg: 200
Married men
Posted: 9/20/2011 2:09:25 PM
The important thing for a guy to remember is to let a buddy in on it. That way if the slut becomes a problem the buddy can confirm to the wife that the trollop was trying to get pregnant by you and was trying to convince you to ditch your wife and kids, leave them destitute, and publicly humiliate her. You can't effectively punish the tramp but your wife can. Make sure the has the incentive.
 jmark4
Joined: 7/3/2011
Msg: 202
Married men
Posted: 9/22/2011 2:18:40 AM

Any tips on weeding out the married men? Why don't they stick to married dating sites where their needs are catered for? There are plenty of women who want that sort of relationship - I'm not one of them - but I've apparently been dating a married man for the last three months. I ended it as soon as I was sure; it bloody hurt and I felt like a bit of a mug. I came very close to blowing it all up in his face and telling his wife. He was very careless and I knew where he lived and everything. Thankfully I calmed down and ended it in a more dignified fashion. My guard is now well and truly up.

Yes; remember that love takes time. People are lazy and want the person of their dreams showing up with pizza and beer at the door saying I love you, all with the click of a mouse.

Take your time. It usually takes a year to know someone completely.

Online it's worse. If you meet a person, don't sleep with them right away like so many do. Terrible mistake. Get to know them and where they live and the circumstances of their life.

And look at their actions. If the actions aren't the same as their words, then read the actions.

A man's words tell you who he wants you to think he is; his actions show who he really is.

Women give themselves a pass and blame all men when they should be looking at why the picked so poorly. It takes two to tango.
 larissan04
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 203
Married men
Posted: 9/24/2011 10:28:01 PM
jmark4~

"A man's words tell you who he wants you to think he is; his actions show who he really is."

this is absolutely true of anyone, not just men.

"Women give themselves a pass and blame all men when they should be looking at why the picked so poorly. It takes two to tango."

look, if a man presents himself as single, then a woman has been lied to here. it doesn't take two to tango, it takes one person acting like a cad, and being a liar. blaming a woman for unwittingly dating a married man under such circumstances is like blaming a rape victim for being raped. some men are very clever at perpetuating the lie. they might have two residences, and lead a very double life. a woman can hardly be faulted in such a case for discovering too late (when she has already fallen in love with the cad) that the love of her life is actually married. these things happen and the only person to blame is the person who misrepresented himself.
 MHemmel
Joined: 7/31/2008
Msg: 204
Married men
Posted: 9/25/2011 4:53:17 AM
You forgot, "you must host" :)_
 MHemmel
Joined: 7/31/2008
Msg: 205
Married men
Posted: 9/25/2011 5:00:23 AM
Fortunately, I'm not like that! VERY single here! Just me and my dog....
 larissan04
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 206
Married men
Posted: 9/29/2011 5:13:28 PM
i don't think a married man impersonating a bachelor is going to use such a phrase. it blow his cover...
 cajunbleu
Joined: 9/10/2007
Msg: 208
Married men
Posted: 9/30/2011 10:38:17 AM
And you honestly believe MARRIED WOMEN don't like or snowjob con men out there.

LMAO.... Why would any guy want YOU to meet his ex??
 cajunbleu
Joined: 9/10/2007
Msg: 209
Married men
Posted: 9/30/2011 10:56:26 AM
Amen!! Unhappily married people ( male AND female, mind you ) engage in affairs NOT for the sex thing ( as spurned girlfriends / wives LOVE to bemoan about ).

Married people engage in affairs because their spouse isn't showing them RESPECT.

Wives and husbands that belittle their spouses and/or ignore their emotional / intellectual needs are asking for affairs to happen. Remember that next time you quip those cute little demeaning barbs about your spouse around family and friends: Oh, your spouse may smile and be civil publicly---but in their hearts......they really start HATING you for hurting THEM.

And if you can't or won't change and begin respecting your spouse---then be honest about that fault of yours and file for DIVORCE instead of relishing making your spouse's life hellish.
 larissan04
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 210
Married men
Posted: 10/2/2011 3:58:14 PM
cajun~

"And if you can't or won't change and begin respecting your spouse---then be honest about that fault of yours and file for DIVORCE instead of relishing making your spouse's life hellish."

i do agree that most people that fool around are looking for more then just sex. that being said, the married people should either a) work it out, or b) get a divorce. there is no excuse for cheating, really. a person can always L E A V E.
 magicallaroundme
Joined: 3/9/2011
Msg: 211
Married men
Posted: 10/2/2011 4:37:10 PM

i do agree that most people that fool around are looking for more then just sex. that being said, the married people should either a) work it out, or b) get a divorce. there is no excuse for cheating, really. a person can always L E A V E.


I am in the cheat and hide it camp when it comes to most cases. I've never seen a guy actually gain anything from divorce. Especially if there are children in the picture, it is more practical to just mess around. Divorce isn't the liberator that it is cracked up to be. You are never REALLY rid of the birch. She will have a hand in your pocket and a knife at your throat long after the decree comes down.

Why put yourself through all that nonsense when it is far easier to get a prepaid and secret cell phone and put into a few dumb internet skanks instead?
 larissan04
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 212
Married men
Posted: 10/2/2011 8:08:49 PM
magicallaroundme~

"I am in the cheat and hide it camp when it comes to most cases. I've never seen a guy actually gain anything from divorce. Especially if there are children in the picture,"

if you no longer love your wife, then you both gain by you leaving. you are then free to fall in love with someone with whom you can grow old, and so is she. she deserves to be with someone who really loves her, instead of wasting years of her life with someone who does not and doesn't have the courage to live his life honestly. yes, divorce is hard on the kids, that much i'll give you.

" it is more practical to just mess around."

it's more practical for YOU - the operative word here is YOU. It's painful, cruel, and exploitative for everyone else from the wife to the woman that has the misfortune of meeting you.

"Divorce isn't the liberator that it is cracked up to be. You are never REALLY rid of the birch. She will have a hand in your pocket and a knife at your throat long after the decree comes down."

That's why i am a firm believer in prenuptial agreements. i would never want a man to stay married to me just because of money - ever. Obviously, you have forgotten about love and what that means. you will be growing old with someone that you don't love, and pretending for the rest of your life. how much money is your soul worth? don't know about you, but no amount of money could induce me to live my life with someone i did not love.

"Why put yourself through all that nonsense when it is far easier to get a prepaid and secret cell phone and put into a few dumb internet skanks instead?"

it's easier for YOU. and these "skanks" that you speak of are human beings with feelings and worthy of being treated with the respect all human beings deserve. but i suppose the only way you can justify using woman for sex is to make them out to be less human and some how deserving of your exploitation - that is, if you lie to them about your intentions and situation. if you hook up with woman who are looking for a real relationship then you will end up hurting a lot people. but in the end, you'll just be hurting yourself - really.
 magicallaroundme
Joined: 3/9/2011
Msg: 213
Married men
Posted: 10/2/2011 9:04:33 PM
if you no longer love your wife, then you both gain by you leaving. you are then free to fall in love with someone with whom you can grow old, and so is she. she deserves to be with someone who really loves her, instead of wasting years of her life with someone who does not and doesn't have the courage to live his life honestly


I would have given her that chance when I married her... that would have been my intention... that would have been my promise. If she repudiates it then what makes you think she ever wanted that in the first place or would ever again? Also, by staying with her, she gets a chance to reclaim my loyalty and it can be as it was in the beginning again. For her, finding someone else is not so certain nor is it easier than changing my mind.



yes, divorce is hard on the kids, that much i'll give you.

That's why i am a firm believer in prenuptial agreements. i would never want a man to stay married to me just because of money - ever. Obviously, you have forgotten about love and what that means. you will be growing old with someone that you don't love, and pretending for the rest of your life. how much money is your soul worth? don't know about you, but no amount of money could induce me to live my life with someone i did not love.


That is easy for you to say because you would get the kids, the house the money etc. Yes I could live with someone I no longer loved if it meant that I get to continue to live with and look after those I will always love (the kids). Not optimum but better than what awaits me in divorce court.


's easier for YOU. and these "skanks" that you speak of are human beings with feelings and worthy of being treated with the respect all human beings deserve. but i suppose the only way you can justify using woman for sex is to make them out to be less human and some how deserving of your exploitation


I used to think similar things. Then I realized that these husband stealers had no more respect for marriage than I had. Had no concern for the fate of my wife and kids and none for her own. If this delicate flower and paragon of womanly virtue decides she is adult enough to cast aside all pretenses of decency for a poke who am I to contradict her?


- that is, if you lie to them about your intentions and situation.


That would be a tactical mistake that I would not make. Married guys who womanize are much more successful than bachelors at it. Only an idiot would claim to be available if he were on the hunt for poon. I often advise bachelors to go to the pawn shop and buy a cheap wedding ring to improve their chances.
 prettylady67
Joined: 9/25/2008
Msg: 214
view profile
History
Married men
Posted: 10/3/2011 4:14:10 PM
Very good advise jmark4....as the says goes "time will tell"
 prettylady67
Joined: 9/25/2008
Msg: 215
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History
Married men
Posted: 10/3/2011 4:16:02 PM
oops...meant to say...as the saying goes "time will tell"
 larissan04
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 216
Married men
Posted: 10/3/2011 6:20:38 PM
Magicallaround~

women don't necessarily get the kids anymore. today, settlements are often joint custody. this means that the amount of money that you have to pay is reduced. in addition, the kids will grow older, move away and embark on their own adventures in life leaving you alone. like harry chapin pointed out, the kids will tell you, " the new job is a hassle and the kids have the flu, but it's sure nice talking to you, dad." then you'll shuffle into the other room after hanging up the phone, and sit down on the couch with the wife, to settle in for the long lonely night of being with someone you no longer love. but of course, the couch will be an imported italian brocade, and the throw will match the drapes, because, hey, you've got money to blow on the filler and fluff that you can't take with you.

don't know about you, but me, i'd rather be broke and spend the rest of my life entwined in the richness of a loving embrace. But don't get me wrong, I hear what you are saying and I understand where you are coming from. I do. which is why i'll never marry again without a prenup. I want him to be with me by choice, not because of external considerations. if he doesn't love me anymore then I want him to leave. I'd even help him pack his bags through my tears. I refuse to live without love in my life, and i refuse to live with a loveless relationship.

"I used to think similar things. Then I realized that these husband stealers had no more respect for marriage than I had. Had no concern for the fate of my wife and kids and none for her own. If this delicate flower and paragon of womanly virtue decides she is adult enough to cast aside all pretenses of decency for a poke who am I to contradict her?"

you have a point, of course, and if a woman knowingly pursues a married man, then she certainly deserves what she will eventually get - a broken heart, a scarlet reputation, and most likely a nasty phone call from the irked wife. as long as there is informed consent, then no, she is a knowing accomplice, and certainly no paragon of virtue. there is a difference between a husband stealer and an unwitting dupe, however, which is the heart of the OP's query. since there are women out there that have no compunction about getting sloppy with a married man, then there really is no need for married men to lie about their situation. but perhaps the deception adds an element of adventure and mystery for them. maybe THAT is what spurns them on. Who knows?

but alas, at the end of the day...this one premise seems to hold true... women will compromise themselves for love, or the promise of love, and men will compromise themselves for sex, or the promise of sex.
 Tarnished_Knight
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 217
view profile
History
Married men
Posted: 10/3/2011 10:14:17 PM

but alas, at the end of the day...this one premise seems to hold true... women will compromise themselves for love, or the promise of love, and men will compromise themselves for sex, or the promise of sex.


Men and women of character will not compromise when they hold to true something more dear to then than security or sex. As I have posted before I do not hold to the belief that divorcing "for the good of the children" is true when there is no abuse of any sort, the parents can maintain the benevolent facade of a loving marriage (who knows it evolve into that again!). All couples have rough spots and from what I've seen and society teaches is that we longer value what "we" think of as less than ideal.

Yeah, a wife not getting the "love" she wants, a man not getting the physical affection he needs, and all gradations and shades of gray in between, can make for a sucky life for a while, but when you have children you have taken on a whole new level of responsibility that supersedes you personal "wants." Children do not just happen, we engage in behavior and actions that brings then into this world; the very least is we give them the chance for a normal beneficial childhood.

As for the other extreme: staying in a less than stellar marriage "for the children" and then screwing around. Is that the example you wish to set for your children. Children are more perceptive than we often give them credit. Children often times have an idea when dad or mom is getting a little on the side or doing something unsettling. Being morally corrupt is not going to benefit the children a bit and is grounds for divorce.

TK
 larissan04
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 218
Married men
Posted: 1/5/2012 9:49:43 PM
tarnished knight

you missed my point. i do not think staying in a loveless marriage and cheating is good for anyone. my point was if you don't love your spouse, can't be faithful to your spouse, have tried to work it out and can not, then L E A V E. do her a favor and L E A V E. in addition, i said that if a man is lying to other women and pretending that he is single in order to live out his sexual fantasies, then he is a complete jerk-off piece of human detritus. period. people who mislead, manipulate, exploit others in order to achieve some end are exhibiting anti social behavior. this is one of the attributes of a psychopath. hello!
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