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 cajunbleu
Joined: 9/10/2007
Msg: 208
Married menPage 7 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
And you honestly believe MARRIED WOMEN don't like or snowjob con men out there.

LMAO.... Why would any guy want YOU to meet his ex??
 cajunbleu
Joined: 9/10/2007
Msg: 209
Married men
Posted: 9/30/2011 10:56:26 AM
Amen!! Unhappily married people ( male AND female, mind you ) engage in affairs NOT for the sex thing ( as spurned girlfriends / wives LOVE to bemoan about ).

Married people engage in affairs because their spouse isn't showing them RESPECT.

Wives and husbands that belittle their spouses and/or ignore their emotional / intellectual needs are asking for affairs to happen. Remember that next time you quip those cute little demeaning barbs about your spouse around family and friends: Oh, your spouse may smile and be civil publicly---but in their hearts......they really start HATING you for hurting THEM.

And if you can't or won't change and begin respecting your spouse---then be honest about that fault of yours and file for DIVORCE instead of relishing making your spouse's life hellish.
 larissan04
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 210
Married men
Posted: 10/2/2011 3:58:14 PM
cajun~

"And if you can't or won't change and begin respecting your spouse---then be honest about that fault of yours and file for DIVORCE instead of relishing making your spouse's life hellish."

i do agree that most people that fool around are looking for more then just sex. that being said, the married people should either a) work it out, or b) get a divorce. there is no excuse for cheating, really. a person can always L E A V E.
 magicallaroundme
Joined: 3/9/2011
Msg: 211
Married men
Posted: 10/2/2011 4:37:10 PM

i do agree that most people that fool around are looking for more then just sex. that being said, the married people should either a) work it out, or b) get a divorce. there is no excuse for cheating, really. a person can always L E A V E.


I am in the cheat and hide it camp when it comes to most cases. I've never seen a guy actually gain anything from divorce. Especially if there are children in the picture, it is more practical to just mess around. Divorce isn't the liberator that it is cracked up to be. You are never REALLY rid of the birch. She will have a hand in your pocket and a knife at your throat long after the decree comes down.

Why put yourself through all that nonsense when it is far easier to get a prepaid and secret cell phone and put into a few dumb internet skanks instead?
 larissan04
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 212
Married men
Posted: 10/2/2011 8:08:49 PM
magicallaroundme~

"I am in the cheat and hide it camp when it comes to most cases. I've never seen a guy actually gain anything from divorce. Especially if there are children in the picture,"

if you no longer love your wife, then you both gain by you leaving. you are then free to fall in love with someone with whom you can grow old, and so is she. she deserves to be with someone who really loves her, instead of wasting years of her life with someone who does not and doesn't have the courage to live his life honestly. yes, divorce is hard on the kids, that much i'll give you.

" it is more practical to just mess around."

it's more practical for YOU - the operative word here is YOU. It's painful, cruel, and exploitative for everyone else from the wife to the woman that has the misfortune of meeting you.

"Divorce isn't the liberator that it is cracked up to be. You are never REALLY rid of the birch. She will have a hand in your pocket and a knife at your throat long after the decree comes down."

That's why i am a firm believer in prenuptial agreements. i would never want a man to stay married to me just because of money - ever. Obviously, you have forgotten about love and what that means. you will be growing old with someone that you don't love, and pretending for the rest of your life. how much money is your soul worth? don't know about you, but no amount of money could induce me to live my life with someone i did not love.

"Why put yourself through all that nonsense when it is far easier to get a prepaid and secret cell phone and put into a few dumb internet skanks instead?"

it's easier for YOU. and these "skanks" that you speak of are human beings with feelings and worthy of being treated with the respect all human beings deserve. but i suppose the only way you can justify using woman for sex is to make them out to be less human and some how deserving of your exploitation - that is, if you lie to them about your intentions and situation. if you hook up with woman who are looking for a real relationship then you will end up hurting a lot people. but in the end, you'll just be hurting yourself - really.
 magicallaroundme
Joined: 3/9/2011
Msg: 213
Married men
Posted: 10/2/2011 9:04:33 PM
if you no longer love your wife, then you both gain by you leaving. you are then free to fall in love with someone with whom you can grow old, and so is she. she deserves to be with someone who really loves her, instead of wasting years of her life with someone who does not and doesn't have the courage to live his life honestly


I would have given her that chance when I married her... that would have been my intention... that would have been my promise. If she repudiates it then what makes you think she ever wanted that in the first place or would ever again? Also, by staying with her, she gets a chance to reclaim my loyalty and it can be as it was in the beginning again. For her, finding someone else is not so certain nor is it easier than changing my mind.



yes, divorce is hard on the kids, that much i'll give you.

That's why i am a firm believer in prenuptial agreements. i would never want a man to stay married to me just because of money - ever. Obviously, you have forgotten about love and what that means. you will be growing old with someone that you don't love, and pretending for the rest of your life. how much money is your soul worth? don't know about you, but no amount of money could induce me to live my life with someone i did not love.


That is easy for you to say because you would get the kids, the house the money etc. Yes I could live with someone I no longer loved if it meant that I get to continue to live with and look after those I will always love (the kids). Not optimum but better than what awaits me in divorce court.


's easier for YOU. and these "skanks" that you speak of are human beings with feelings and worthy of being treated with the respect all human beings deserve. but i suppose the only way you can justify using woman for sex is to make them out to be less human and some how deserving of your exploitation


I used to think similar things. Then I realized that these husband stealers had no more respect for marriage than I had. Had no concern for the fate of my wife and kids and none for her own. If this delicate flower and paragon of womanly virtue decides she is adult enough to cast aside all pretenses of decency for a poke who am I to contradict her?


- that is, if you lie to them about your intentions and situation.


That would be a tactical mistake that I would not make. Married guys who womanize are much more successful than bachelors at it. Only an idiot would claim to be available if he were on the hunt for poon. I often advise bachelors to go to the pawn shop and buy a cheap wedding ring to improve their chances.
 prettylady67
Joined: 9/25/2008
Msg: 214
Married men
Posted: 10/3/2011 4:14:10 PM
Very good advise jmark4....as the says goes "time will tell"
 prettylady67
Joined: 9/25/2008
Msg: 215
Married men
Posted: 10/3/2011 4:16:02 PM
oops...meant to say...as the saying goes "time will tell"
 larissan04
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 216
Married men
Posted: 10/3/2011 6:20:38 PM
Magicallaround~

women don't necessarily get the kids anymore. today, settlements are often joint custody. this means that the amount of money that you have to pay is reduced. in addition, the kids will grow older, move away and embark on their own adventures in life leaving you alone. like harry chapin pointed out, the kids will tell you, " the new job is a hassle and the kids have the flu, but it's sure nice talking to you, dad." then you'll shuffle into the other room after hanging up the phone, and sit down on the couch with the wife, to settle in for the long lonely night of being with someone you no longer love. but of course, the couch will be an imported italian brocade, and the throw will match the drapes, because, hey, you've got money to blow on the filler and fluff that you can't take with you.

don't know about you, but me, i'd rather be broke and spend the rest of my life entwined in the richness of a loving embrace. But don't get me wrong, I hear what you are saying and I understand where you are coming from. I do. which is why i'll never marry again without a prenup. I want him to be with me by choice, not because of external considerations. if he doesn't love me anymore then I want him to leave. I'd even help him pack his bags through my tears. I refuse to live without love in my life, and i refuse to live with a loveless relationship.

"I used to think similar things. Then I realized that these husband stealers had no more respect for marriage than I had. Had no concern for the fate of my wife and kids and none for her own. If this delicate flower and paragon of womanly virtue decides she is adult enough to cast aside all pretenses of decency for a poke who am I to contradict her?"

you have a point, of course, and if a woman knowingly pursues a married man, then she certainly deserves what she will eventually get - a broken heart, a scarlet reputation, and most likely a nasty phone call from the irked wife. as long as there is informed consent, then no, she is a knowing accomplice, and certainly no paragon of virtue. there is a difference between a husband stealer and an unwitting dupe, however, which is the heart of the OP's query. since there are women out there that have no compunction about getting sloppy with a married man, then there really is no need for married men to lie about their situation. but perhaps the deception adds an element of adventure and mystery for them. maybe THAT is what spurns them on. Who knows?

but alas, at the end of the day...this one premise seems to hold true... women will compromise themselves for love, or the promise of love, and men will compromise themselves for sex, or the promise of sex.
 Tarnished_Knight
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 217
view profile
History
Married men
Posted: 10/3/2011 10:14:17 PM

but alas, at the end of the day...this one premise seems to hold true... women will compromise themselves for love, or the promise of love, and men will compromise themselves for sex, or the promise of sex.


Men and women of character will not compromise when they hold to true something more dear to then than security or sex. As I have posted before I do not hold to the belief that divorcing "for the good of the children" is true when there is no abuse of any sort, the parents can maintain the benevolent facade of a loving marriage (who knows it evolve into that again!). All couples have rough spots and from what I've seen and society teaches is that we longer value what "we" think of as less than ideal.

Yeah, a wife not getting the "love" she wants, a man not getting the physical affection he needs, and all gradations and shades of gray in between, can make for a sucky life for a while, but when you have children you have taken on a whole new level of responsibility that supersedes you personal "wants." Children do not just happen, we engage in behavior and actions that brings then into this world; the very least is we give them the chance for a normal beneficial childhood.

As for the other extreme: staying in a less than stellar marriage "for the children" and then screwing around. Is that the example you wish to set for your children. Children are more perceptive than we often give them credit. Children often times have an idea when dad or mom is getting a little on the side or doing something unsettling. Being morally corrupt is not going to benefit the children a bit and is grounds for divorce.

TK
 larissan04
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 218
Married men
Posted: 1/5/2012 9:49:43 PM
tarnished knight

you missed my point. i do not think staying in a loveless marriage and cheating is good for anyone. my point was if you don't love your spouse, can't be faithful to your spouse, have tried to work it out and can not, then L E A V E. do her a favor and L E A V E. in addition, i said that if a man is lying to other women and pretending that he is single in order to live out his sexual fantasies, then he is a complete jerk-off piece of human detritus. period. people who mislead, manipulate, exploit others in order to achieve some end are exhibiting anti social behavior. this is one of the attributes of a psychopath. hello!
 larissan04
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 220
Married men
Posted: 1/5/2012 10:53:21 PM
lolita

"I think the older a woman gets, the better she is at catching some idiot lying about his status. They are as stupid as they look when they get caught. "

i don't know. i think a lot of women just turn a blind eye because they enjoy the lifestyle that the marriage affords her. i think most wives know that their husbands are cheating, they just pretend it isn't happening. as we know, most cheating men do not leave their wives.
 magicallaroundme
Joined: 3/9/2011
Msg: 221
Married men
Posted: 1/6/2012 10:04:18 AM

Why don't they stick to married dating sites where their needs are catered for?


Why bother? You, yourself are living proof that prospects are good enough right here.


There are plenty of women who want that sort of relationship - I'm not one of them - but I've apparently been dating a married man for the last three months.


What does it matter? Evidently, you'll do for three months or so. After that? On to the next. He shouldn't try to carry it much past a few months anyways.


Thankfully I calmed down and ended it in a more dignified fashion.


That would be my preference. I would go after someone who would rather be dignified than make trouble for me any day.
 larissan04
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 223
Married men
Posted: 1/6/2012 2:16:42 PM
Lolita~

"They do THAT for a couple of reasons. It was all fun and laughs creeping around, but when the secret is out, the lover will not take in the cheating husband, no one else around to take them in, and in the end, it is cheaper to keep her."

you are right. a lot of times money is the issue. so you end up with two people in a sham of a marriage that have a big house and a lot of nice stuff. all the while they can't stand each other, but they keep up the sham for their friends, families, and more over, their bank accounts. well, that's swell. and as i've said it once i'll say it again, ladies, keep your dog on a leash or at home. and married guys, if you want to get some on the side either be a) upfront about it and stick with women are interested in a purely sexual relationship, or b) stop being so cheap and pay for it. leave us decent girls alone. we aren't interested in being homewreckers or "servicing" your so-called selfish needs.

and magic, let's be honest here. you espouse anti social attitudes and you obviously despise human beings in general. you also have a deep rooted hatred of women.
 BLoNde__ANgeL
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 224
Married men
Posted: 1/6/2012 4:09:06 PM
I had a friend that inadvertantly turned out to be a man's last fling before he married a homely older woman. He called her repeatedly after she dumped him. Later, she found out he remarried & that he was calling her while he was on his HONEYMOON. What a sick puppy.

The irony is that the new wifey was an ATTORNEY.
 larissan04
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 225
Married men
Posted: 1/6/2012 8:55:57 PM
blonde devil~

"I had a friend that inadvertantly turned out to be a man's last fling before he married a homely older woman. He called her repeatedly after she dumped him. Later, she found out he remarried & that he was calling her while he was on his HONEYMOON. What a sick puppy."

well, i think he was a sick piece of human detritus.

"The irony is that the new wifey was an ATTORNEY."

hmmm....rather ironic. perhaps she'll be able to do her own divorce after she discovers dear husbands inappropriate entanglements...
 OmSa1
Joined: 6/26/2012
Msg: 226
Married men
Posted: 9/10/2012 7:46:09 PM
How many women have been approached by married men on POF? It seems like that is all I find on here. I didn't find out he was married until weeks after he stopped talking to me. Why can't they just admit they are unhappily married and find their own solution than to start something here and than disappear?
 coderedjulia1
Joined: 5/27/2012
Msg: 227
Married men
Posted: 9/11/2012 4:43:12 PM
haha this happened to me once too. Not online, I met this boy that was out with his army buddies, and we hit it off. I called him a few days later and an angry wife answered the phone. I felt bad, but she screamed at me like I knew he was married.
 Lilbitofsugaandspice
Joined: 6/30/2011
Msg: 228
Married men
Posted: 9/11/2012 5:19:30 PM
[How many women have been approached by married men on POF? It seems like that is all I find on here. I didn't find out he was married until weeks after he stopped talking to me. Why can't they just admit they are unhappily married and find their own solution than to start something here and than disappear?]

They do it because they think they can get away with it and do not want to loose out financially or loose status. They want their cake and eat it too. Simple.
 larissan04
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 229
Married men
Posted: 10/9/2012 7:05:05 PM
i agree with you about the married men on here trolling about. they should stick with other unhappily married people, hire a professional, or just get up the courage to leave. of course, when you get down to it, these people are cowards. they can't get their needs met, yet they are too scared to leave. it's a very sad sad thing to be subjected to a situation like this because it makes you lose faith in love. well, don't let that happen. true love is possible, and you don't need to take revenge or become vindictive.
 zurichdublin188
Joined: 8/14/2012
Msg: 230
Married men
Posted: 10/23/2012 10:16:38 PM
Don't tell the guys wife.

Worry about yourself and your own safety. Don't put yourself in a position where the guys wife might (though unlikley) retaliate against you.

His marraige is not your problem. Your safety is what matters.

Just move on, and let it go. It aint' worth it!

(I went through the same thing myself)
 zurichdublin188
Joined: 8/14/2012
Msg: 231
Married men
Posted: 10/23/2012 10:17:17 PM
This is sounding more and more mainstream to me.

I don't even know why people bother with marraige.
 larissan04
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 232
Married men
Posted: 11/3/2012 9:58:49 PM
OmSa1-

"How many women have been approached by married men on POF? It seems like that is all I find on here. I didn't find out he was married until weeks after he stopped talking to me. Why can't they just admit they are unhappily married and find their own solution than to start something here and than disappear?"

You ask a very good question. I think the married men pull this crap because no one does anything about it. The wife probably "knows' that something is going on, but she ignores it in order to avoid rocking the boat. I think the men do it because they get away with it, and they think they can. The unsuspecting dupes that they meet on line don't do anything about it, so the married jerks slink away, then move on to the next unsuspecting dupe. I've run into several married men on here, and it made me very wary of men in general. I just don't trust men in general anymore, but it isn't just the cheating. It's the fact that men can change their minds at the drop of a dime and not feel anything. Men are very fickle, and I don't think really bond the way women do. I have become much more careful about protecting my heart. While there are a lot of really great men out there, the jerks sure make it a risky prospect when it comes to falling in love.
 AquaLinda
Joined: 5/8/2012
Msg: 233
Married men
Posted: 11/3/2012 10:46:56 PM

I just don't trust men in general anymore, but it isn't just the cheating. It's the fact that men can change their minds at the drop of a dime and not feel anything. Men are very fickle, and I don't think really bond the way women do. I have become much more careful about protecting my heart. While there are a lot of really great men out there, the jerks sure make it a risky prospect when it comes to falling in love.


I wholeheartedly feel the same way. It didn't help that my ex of 20 years went online to troll for sex. I found out because I felt something was up. Of course he denied ever doing anything, he was "just chatting" and looking. Whatever. I got even and filed for divorce after putting up with it for a while.

Now the guy I met on POF and really liked has started to act all fishy and I just have no trust anymore. I think you are right, men are just fickle and I'm just going to protect my heart from now on and not trust any man anymore. It's too risky to give away your heart.
 ravenhair4u
Joined: 8/13/2011
Msg: 234
Married men
Posted: 11/4/2012 5:45:33 AM
This happened to me in real life, I believed the "I'm separated" lie. I've also had another tell me, we have separate bedrooms & are married in name only, another lie.
I would ask for the home number, be suspicious if they say they don't have a phone in the house, maybe they don't ,as many just have a cell phone now, but still. Also look for him not available, especially on holidays, he can't sleep over, doesn't answer your calls or texts right away, or seeing you or communicating with you mainly when he's at his job. If he doesn't bring you to his house or around his family, that's another warning sign. Or if he only brings you around a few select or very close friends.
I understand your heartbreak & anger in wanting to tell the wife, but I would let it go, let Karma get him. Getting revenge isn't going to make you feel any better.
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