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 AUTHOR
 the_write_stuff
Joined: 6/27/2008
Msg: 251
What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship? Page 4 of 30    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30)
Well to begin with....I was in it!

While that's being faceitious, it is partially true. We were "unequally yoked" and a mismatch from the start. Some things I did wrong were allowing her to control me, making concessions to her I never should have made which denied my true self. I also allowed her to check my text messages, voice mails and whatever else she chose to appease her paranoia. These things were unprovoked and unsolicited except for the fact I may not answer a call to my cell from her (sometimes it's impossible to). I also excused her infidelities.

It's hard for me to think of anything specific I was to blame for when I went to such great lengths to kiss her ass. I'm sure I was responsible for my share of the blame as I know relationships are 50/50 and a two-way street. It just seems I allowed myself to be ran over in both directions!
 vivaciousvixen2
Joined: 3/1/2008
Msg: 252
What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 8/27/2008 2:36:18 PM
I knew that my ex was a pathological liar who is bipolar 1 with severe psychosis
who would not take his meds and I kept on forgiving him because I didn't want a divorce and I LOVED MY HUSBAND and was too weak to stop forgiving his abuse. I take responsibility for going back on the rollercoaster many times praying that thing would change. I should have accepted that he has no character and is not a suitable husband or father, no matter how painful it is to "face the truth and let go and divorce the family".
I had to move on and say NO MORE!!!!!
 amore411
Joined: 5/17/2008
Msg: 261
What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 8/27/2008 9:59:52 PM
Absolutlely nothing I'm perfect...
What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 8/28/2008 8:59:16 AM
I didn't marry her.
 Cynderella
Joined: 3/8/2007
Msg: 268
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History
What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 8/28/2008 9:04:49 AM
Trusted the wrong guy!
 BaldyisBeautiful
Joined: 3/28/2008
Msg: 274
What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 8/28/2008 11:07:39 AM

I searched every page for yours and was disappointed (although admittedly humored) at the lack of seemingly sincere fess up.

Well in post #18, I did say:

Seriously, I had the PERFECT girlfriend, and that was a problem because she was TOO perfect. I never felt that I could live up to her standards of perfection (did I say perfect enough times). I broke it off with her and have regretted it to this day!

But you are right, that wasn't saying a whole lot about what I did wrong ... so let's cover those bases a little better and see if I can put some of you whiner's too shame with your "I was perfect, it was his/her fault" attitudes!

When I was married I can honestly say I was never there emotionally for her. We got married for all the wrong reasons (pregnancy) and deep down I resented being "trapped" in a marriage. Whenever we got into arguments I wouldn't back down even when I knew I was wrong, just because I wanted to feel superior to someone and since she was the closest target she got to bear the brunt of my "superiority attitude". I never once cheated on her ... but I constantly thought about it! So deep down in my heart, even though I never followed through with the act, I was guilty of being a cheater in my heart. I was selfish, childish and more worried about being with my kids then I was ever worried about being with her. I am not saying she was a perfect person because she had many faults, but she never deserved to be married to man who didn't love her for 14 years! I thank the stars that we are able to be friends now that the marriage is over, and maybe in some way, someday I can make it up to her!

My girlfriend that I referred to in the quoted paragraph was indeed more then I ever deserved and if I could go back in time and do things differently I would have never started playing WOW as there were many times that I resented having to be with her when I wanted to be playing that stupid video game. Also, because I had such a great girlfriend I took it for granted and let it go to my head that I must be a whole lot better then I was to be able to get a girl like her, and I stupidly thought I could do better!

I've done the soul searching many times for myself ... in fact I have written volumes on what I have done wrong on another blog site. I just wish other people would look inside themselves and take responsibility for their own actions, because what I am hearing most in the whole forum is a bunch of liars who think that their sh*t doesn't stink and that the only thing they have ever done wrong in their life is go out with the wrong person and I am calling you all out and saying bullsh*t!
 KRN1994
Joined: 7/26/2008
Msg: 278
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What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 8/28/2008 11:52:24 AM
I had decided upon reflection from past relationships that if I couldn't accept someone as they were then I should get out.

I thought I was doing this quite well in the last one. Problem, he was a very critical person in general . I tried very hard to accept it... I did talk to him about it once.

We went on vacation with the kids, miserable week, constant criticism, just a mess.

I had enough, told him we were too different and walked away.

My regret is that I loved him and I wish now I had stepped back, prayed about it and tried to sit down and talk with him about it from a place of love and not anger, resentment and hurt.

It may never have worked anyway. But now I will never know that for sure because I did not handle it well. I will always remember this in the future, step back and take time and try to find resolution from a place of love and not anger.
 BaldyisBeautiful
Joined: 3/28/2008
Msg: 279
What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 8/28/2008 12:03:35 PM

Very nice, Baldy... maybe you can turn this thread around afterall :)

I doubt it very seriously because most people WANT to see themselves as victims and refuse to own up to their own mistakes ... but at least the rest of us will know that we have helped ourselves and our future relationships by taking the time and effort it takes to acknowledge that we did something wrong and that we can change who we are because of it!!
 safn1949
Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 281
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History
What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 8/29/2008 8:53:41 PM
Boy,where to start;
1) I married someone with 3 kids,lets face it ,I don't have what it takes to be a parent

2) I was too demanding at times,I'm old and set in my ways and I wanted things my own way,selfish,I know

3)I said some very unkind things to her while we were together....see #2

So all in all,I was a jackass....and it cost me more then you can ever know,but...I learned from that and did 2 years of looking in the mirror to become the person I am now.Whats really funny is that an ex girlfriend who I hadn't seen for 6+ years found me,we're friends now and even she said how much I had changed.....I'm trying
 ClassicRockr84
Joined: 10/9/2007
Msg: 285
What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 8/31/2008 7:15:29 AM
Ok this is going back only 2 or 3 years since that is the limit of my dating experience...thats right i was single (and a virgin!) until junior year of college. so here goes...

Attempt#1: Virgin, too afraid to do anything other than cuddle, couldn't kiss, cheated on and dumped. duration: 1 month

Attempt #2: Rebound from attempt #1, still afraid to do anything, dumped after 2 nights

Attempt #3: Managed to find another virgin who felt mutually, eventually was able to have sex, grew into 1 and a half, almost 2 year relationship. Turned abusive and controlling, said enough is enough, broke up last Sept. **** buddied for about 6 months while she slept with at least 5 other guys, then we broke up for good back in April

Attempt #4: (about 4 weeks ago) Hooked up on POF with someone i really liked, had a perfect first date, met her parents, hung out w/ her best friends, went back to her place and had a whole night (and next morning) of mind-blowing sex, then gave me the silent treatment for a week and promtply dumped. My only crime: saying "I Love you" during sex

Attempt #5: (2 weeks ago) Regained contact w/ long-distance childhood friend who i had crush on for 15 years, went to Ohio so i could tell her and pop the question, found out shes with a BF of 5 years and already engaged. Mistake: waited too effing long.

Yep, that's my love life.
 Egregious Philbin
Joined: 8/17/2008
Msg: 289
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What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 9/1/2008 1:08:16 AM
I mistook infatuation for love.

I had her move in with me after dating about a month. We'd known each other a lot longer, but still...

I didn't confront her regarding "minor" things until they became major.

I stayed with her after the attraction was gone, vainly hoping it would return since she was actually handling these major things.

I didn't make her choose between smoking and me, even though smoking made her repulsive to me.
 YingKissesYang
Joined: 5/12/2005
Msg: 295
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What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 9/2/2008 8:17:58 AM
From the OP ((( I see tons of threads about what the other person did wrong)))).

And a few,
(((the OP asked about your last relationship, not ALL your relationships. Guess what? Sometimes other people are the reason the relationship went sour)))

I'd bet good money most people do the same things wrong in each relationship, unless there is substantial spiritual and personal growth in between relationships.

If you didn't do anything wrong in your last relationship, there is no reason to answer this thread. It wasn't titled "what was wrong with your last relationship". then you can talk about what a liar you met and moved in with. Yes that is partly your fault for being a doormat, or loving the wrong person, or not seeing the red flags....but in the spiritual world, when we talk about OUR mistakes or MY mistakes, I focus on what I did wrong, without labeling the other persons faults. That's how most spiritual programs/religions work. I look at my faults, yes I suppose I could have "loved the wrong person"....but when we are in a relationship, IT PRESUMES, we volountarily took on the role. That is a sticky question in a way.

For example, lets say my GF is overweight and I criticize her about it. But now I want to make an apology, to make amends, to tell that person I know what I did was wrong.....I might say "Dear Lover, I was wrong to talk about your weight. I know you were sensitive and trying to exercise. I yelled and screamed when you ate ice cream during your favorite TV show. That was wrong of me.....I love you for who you are and always have been"

I should not end that "amends" with a criticism of them, like "but you have to admit you are fat".
 fancynanci
Joined: 8/21/2007
Msg: 306
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What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 9/2/2008 5:03:28 PM
I stayed in it too long.
 safn1949
Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 316
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What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 9/4/2008 10:30:06 AM
Ok everyone,the question is "what did YOU do wrong". Take a step back,deep breath,look in the mirror. Now be honest and tell it like it is,not I didn't see the warning signs or I'm too nice or whatever.It takes 2 to get together and 2 to split,time to quit the nonsense ,grow up and admit your mistakes,it's the only way you will grow and become a better person.We all make mistakes that we regret. Yes even you,shocking isn't it.Then learn to laugh at yourself and your on your way.
 YingKissesYang
Joined: 5/12/2005
Msg: 325
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What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 9/4/2008 6:04:05 PM
(((I see tons of threads about what the other person did wrong, but rarely see people take responsibility for their own mistakes.)))

In the last two pages, I have not seen a single person mention: "they were a doormat", "they trusted me", "he/she gave his all", "they moved to be with me", "they loved me too much", "he/she trusted too much", "he tried too hard", "she walked on eggshells", "she didn't stand up for herself", "she let me abuse her".....

Yes its true, CRITICIZING SOMEONE ELSE when asked what YOUR PROBLEMS ARE is a problem.
 YingKissesYang
Joined: 5/12/2005
Msg: 340
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What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 9/5/2008 2:46:04 PM
(((i actually don't think i have the time or the energy to think about ALL the things i did wrong - that would require too much introspection and self-flagulatio)))

Well, if you don't who will? Your next partner? LOL. We can have every excuse in the book not TO DO A SEARCHING AND FEARLESS MORAL INVENTORY. It is hard, I think I try, identify a few ez things....see a few hardcore bad flaws, can't breath, and need to go eat something and watch tv. Wash rinse repeat.
 WeAre1
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 341
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What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 9/6/2008 7:03:39 AM
message 440 is incredibly truthful...thank you gohavefun.....

I too 'became too self righteous and resentful' of his faults, but I was also paying attention to my own.
I joined forces with him without really knowing him well enough to know if we were compatible.
I ignored those thoughts that came in a flash and went just as quickly - those warning feelings and signs of incompatibility.... they became stronger and stronger until I had to honor them.
I put conditions - unrealistic conditions and expectations on the relationship and him...asking of him what I could not do myself.

I only wish to add I do not see any of this as 'wrong'....but 'right' in fact, for it all gave me more clarity and was perfect for me to see these things I've written here....
I had to see these mechanisms and tendencies in me so I could try and change them in myself in order to release me from bringing them into any future relationship.
 safn1949
Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 345
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What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 9/12/2008 7:38:26 PM

According to the ex, I opened the cereal box the wrong way.


Oh no...50 lashes! I wish I could say that I know you were kidding around,sadly I know your not and I am sorry,we can be such jerks at times.
 zangie
Joined: 5/30/2007
Msg: 347
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What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 9/12/2008 10:26:54 PM
I posted before and realized I was talking about my marriage...but, I have had one LTR since then...I enabled him. I made excuses for his behavior...and I believed I could "fix" it or him...though, at that time I thought I had good intentions ( IE: he just needed a good woman to change the pattern), I did us both a disservice.

The thing was...he was not a bad guy in most respects...he wasn't mean or violent, he didn't cheat, sex was good, we had a lot of fun...but, he couldn't control the drinking or keep a job for long ( though he was very good at what he did)..so, I kept leaning on the good things, and hoping he would want to address the bad...when I figured out he just wasn't ready or didn't want to..and when his response to my illness was to drink more and withdraw...I had to end it..part of me still misses him ,and wonders if he is doing ok...I resist the urge to call and check...I cried the whole time I was breaking up with him...I actually apologized for failing him..lol..

I will never again think that I have any power to make a guy fix an issue, even just by loving him, and supporting him...like my own issues...it has to come from within....
 shamrockguy
Joined: 1/8/2008
Msg: 368
What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 9/14/2008 10:14:06 PM
I wasn't her ex. She went back to him as soon as he finally paid her the twenty eight grand he owed her for the divoce settlement from two years before. She still loved him, what the hell, nobody's dead.
 safn1949
Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 369
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What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 9/15/2008 6:24:29 PM

Called him a different name by the second date


I had a girlfriend once that I had her name written down on a piece of paper in my wallet,it took 2 weeks to be sure I would remember it,I told her about that years later and she laughed her head off,never happened again.Don't worry about turning back the clock,if that got him upset just think what else would pop up later.A bit childish on his part.
 professora
Joined: 7/28/2008
Msg: 371
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What I did wrong in my last relationship -from an ole' timer
Posted: 9/15/2008 6:50:50 PM
I was too wimpy. let too many things just slide by. Better for a woman to be upfront.
 lucky_sevans
Joined: 9/8/2008
Msg: 383
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What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 9/23/2008 2:04:14 AM
In my last relationship I know what I did wrong.

I was with a girl who even though we weren't technically together it was just because we hadn't declared it. And that was because in the beginning she wanted to rush for that definition and I thought it was better that we not put a name on it so soon that way no matter what happenned no one could be betrayed. WHile we left it that way, we in all actuality became gf and bf. One night she went out one night with a girlfriend who was in town from out-of-state while I sat with her daughter and they ended up sleeping with some other guys from the bar.

She told me the next night, through tears, and expected it to be over - but couldnt stand feeling guilty. I told her I needed some time to think. I took a couple of days and I decided that I wanted what we had and since there wasn't any betrayal I could get over it as long as we both agreed that "we" were what we wanted.

Unfortunately my heart could not follow my minds logic, and I pulled-back emotionally. I didnt beat her up with it or anything, I just couldn't give my all. I was living in fear rather than cherishing what we had. The handwriting was on the wall. It only took about 2 months before the relationship fell apart. The spark and excitement just wasnt there anymore and she found that somewhere else. To give credit where credit's due -- she broke it off before cheating on me.

Moral of the story: I feel that had I been able to not be afraid of being hurt again and really cherished her, it could have worked. I made a conscios though-out decision but didnt follow thru; wasting both of our time. I mean I'm not an idiot.... she had as much or more to blame than I in the end, but that is what *I* did wrong.

/and I left the toilet-seat up
//shame on me!!
 lifeandlove
Joined: 11/26/2007
Msg: 389
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What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 9/25/2008 1:58:14 AM
I expected too much
 WeAre1
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 395
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What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 9/27/2008 8:16:45 AM
I did not listen to my intuition/higher self and others trying to tell me it was not going to work....

I still believe, though, I did what was 'right', not 'wrong' to experience exactly what I needed to.....the relationship not lasting was the 'right' thing and I would not have really known that unless I had followed where my heart led me....and then followed it again to return 'home'.
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