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 smartmarks
Joined: 7/7/2008
Msg: 51
Why am I jealous?Page 3 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
youve got good reason to be upset but again your partly to blame by allowing it you should get away before it messes you all up. and if the keep it up thell surely be doing it, and dont blame him blame her why is she seeing him anyway you need to stop it now or youll lose her for sure. if not allready your feelings are probley right and she has no respect for you or she wouldnt do that anyway. I say find someone for yourself, and not you be one of her boys. how many does she have anyway? I bet your unaware of all of them. love cannot be shared
 aspiring_angel
Joined: 1/25/2006
Msg: 52
Why am I jealous?
Posted: 7/12/2008 9:32:21 AM
m_church, Dinner with my ex every two or three months hardly qualifies as "making him more important than my S/O." lol
 rivereye
Joined: 2/19/2008
Msg: 53
Why am I jealous?
Posted: 7/12/2008 9:47:05 AM
Does your SO's "friend" have a girlfriend of his own? DIDN"T THINK SO! Outmind is right, I smell a rat, too.

Had you considered you're "emergency man in a jar" status while she shops for a new boyfriend? It doesn't seem to me they consider your feelings as they go merrily about their business.

Confront them. Lay down the law. If she snaps, it was broken anyway.

Jealousy is a survival instinct, and it's not always bad, in moderation.
.
 er1ka
Joined: 11/3/2007
Msg: 54
Why am I jealous?
Posted: 7/12/2008 10:09:52 AM
Get rid of her.

If you were in her shoes, how would SHE feel?
 davidsauvignon
Joined: 2/6/2008
Msg: 55
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Why am I jealous?
Posted: 7/12/2008 12:04:16 PM
^^^ "How on earth did you come to the conclusion that he cant be trusted???"

Lorraine, I believe this type of comment comes from those who believe if someone is jealous or accusatory about suspicious behavior in their partner, it stems from doing the exact thing that they are 'paranoid' about....which I find ridiculous on its face.




~ds~
 Ms.Sweet Sinful Seduction
Joined: 6/3/2008
Msg: 56
Why am I jealous?
Posted: 7/12/2008 12:09:38 PM
Dude, I'm sorry but this chick is a SNAKE and you can do much better. Good luck.
 m_church
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 57
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Why am I jealous?
Posted: 7/12/2008 1:27:45 PM

m_church, Dinner with my ex every two or three months hardly qualifies as "making him more important than my S/O." lol

No.... But your comment was...


The reason my S/O wouldn't be along would be due to his reaction to my ex, and not the other way around

It's your S/O you should be seeing not your ex....
He has every right to complain about your ex. As I would...
Personally, if an ex trieds to break up my current relationship I'd beat the crap out of him...
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 58
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Why am I jealous?
Posted: 7/12/2008 4:13:42 PM

I hate to say it but the fact that you are jealous is because your intuition is telling you something.


Jealousy has zip to do with what your mate is doing, and EVERYTHING to do with how secure you feel. I lived for 12 years with a jealous man. I never once cheated on him, or even thought about doing so. He was jealous of an ex-husband, of my children, of my female friends, of any activity I was involved in out of his sight, of books, of the Washington Post, of the dog. And the irony was, HE was the one who had the affair that ended our marriage.

Jealousy is not love, is not intuition, is not caused by one thing the other is doing. It is because the jealous one is insecure, is afraid, and believes he/she isn't good enough to be able to keep the partner if he/she plays fair.


 smileee4u
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 59
Why am I jealous?
Posted: 7/12/2008 7:38:08 PM
She is trying to make a decision between you or him..... seems she hasn't made up her mind about you yet. You should play it cool. Don't call her for a while. Make her come over to your turf. Do not suffocate her at this stage in the game. Maybe you should go out with someone else, also....like she is.
 dr220
Joined: 5/26/2008
Msg: 60
Why am I jealous?
Posted: 7/12/2008 9:13:56 PM
this is a HUGE IMO derived from personal experience.

simply put..... you are jelous because you yourself are insecure. if you wer totaly without insecrity this would not make you JELOUS but would cause a warning bell to go off. this warning bell would indicate that you are being treated unfairly by someone you care about yet need to do one of 2 things that have im sure allready been pointed out..... 1} discuss this situation and how t is making you feel to her OR 2}move on from this woman and allow the right woman to come along.
 DayDreamer216
Joined: 4/9/2008
Msg: 61
Why am I jealous?
Posted: 7/12/2008 9:23:13 PM
You are right.
She is keeping him in the scene in case things dont work out with you and her.
Thats how some girls are.
Be careful
Don't let her use u.
When you date someone.
Always know all of her friends/family.
If,not then shes keeping secret.
 Ayn_
Joined: 6/20/2008
Msg: 62
Why am I jealous?
Posted: 7/12/2008 10:22:34 PM
That is exactly what she is doing. The guy I was in love with used to joke about always looking for a Plan B. Then one day he found one. He still wanted me plus he wanted his Plan B. I said let's just be friends. Now, we, also, go places together and have fun. He has become one of my dearest friends. Maybe, that's how it is with them. Having said that, I think he believes I became his Plan B-if it doesn't work out with her-knowing that I'm fighting those feelings for him and he still hits on me. I, also, don't want to hear about her. I think he gets a rush out of it-as perhaps your girlfriend does.

Maybe, you should tell her how you feel and suggest perhaps she feels the same way about your friends that are girls. Then suggest she meets her/them and you meet him/them. I could not be committed to a man who had a woman as a bestfriend. I need to be his bestfriend. I have stated that from day one to the men I have been with- but that's just me.
 Verissa
Joined: 7/29/2006
Msg: 63
Why am I jealous?
Posted: 7/13/2008 3:34:04 AM
Make the effort to meet him yourself. I had this issue once. My husband, boyfriend at the time, had a "friend" that posed a threat in my eyes so I made a point of meeting her, and anyone else I feel threatened by. At first I was open to the idea of an open relationship, mainly because I only anticipated a short term relationship anyhow, so that is where any threats came into play. Since then my feelings have changed as our relationship has changed. Sadly his have not, so I keep an eye on these other women and him..I advise you meet him and make it clear that you're not going anywhere... without saying that of course.
 tantalising
Joined: 3/23/2008
Msg: 64
Why am I jealous?
Posted: 7/13/2008 3:57:46 AM
Reading these messages make me feel uncomfortable. I have been dating a guy who comes from Toowoomba in Queensland Australia, for the past 18 months. He has many female friends on this website and others, and refuses to let me meet them. Although I have not mentioned it for months, his response to me was that I am paranoid and insecure. Just reading this scenario and some of the responses kind of makes me feel that I am not wrong in my thinking. I too think that he is being too secretive about hiding these so called friends. He also puts his mobile phone on silent when I am around, as he says I would be upset if a woman called him when I am around.

Seems weird doesn't it? Why do these people do this....
 davidsauvignon
Joined: 2/6/2008
Msg: 65
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Why am I jealous?
Posted: 7/13/2008 8:36:07 AM
I wasn't making judgements about anything. I was offering my opinion and trying to give you an explanation to your question about another poster when you asked this....

"How on earth did you come to the conclusion that he cant be trusted???"




~ds~
 SLM_418
Joined: 3/4/2008
Msg: 66
Why am I jealous?
Posted: 7/13/2008 8:50:21 AM
I think when another man loves your woman you have something to worry about.The fact that they go out together is a RED FLAG. Time to get honest.There is a reason she is not introducing him to you and you to him. She is a player and remember players only love you when they're playing.
 theforumfiend
Joined: 10/21/2007
Msg: 67
Why am I jealous?
Posted: 7/13/2008 9:38:57 PM
OP, I don’t really think this is a situation of not being able to trust your girlfriend, but rather about feeling that she doesn’t hear you tell her that you are uncomfortable with the way things are. Face it, your feelings are hurt because you believe either your girlfriend understands and makes a positive move to change things, or things remain at this stand still because she doesn’t really value you.

Unfortunately, many people that try to keep from hurting others actually end up hurting those very same people by their inability to take a stand. I think your girlfriend is this kind of person.

Either you two will have to learn to communicate and actually hear what the other is saying (not just giving lip service because you think you understand) or you will end up breaking up and won’t be pretty.

Tell her you would like to talk about this. Ask her to repeat what she thinks you are saying. YOU will need to do the same for her because BOTH of you need to hear what the other is saying so that you can both try to understand the other.
 macromorgan
Joined: 11/26/2005
Msg: 68
Why am I jealous?
Posted: 7/13/2008 9:52:44 PM
Jealosy will destroy your relationship if you let it fester. Just let it go.

Me personally, I'd rather have a girl cheat on me than me be jealous and destroy a relationship. It's easier to have a beer and laugh about it later if someone screwed you over than if you screwed yourself over and messed up a good thing.
 lollipopgirl1
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 69
Why am I jealous?
Posted: 7/13/2008 11:20:49 PM

Maybe she is keeping him around just in case you to don't work out because she knows he loves her and since loves her she knows he wants to be with her if she let him.


Ding ding ding! Been there, done that! My best friend/past fling would never want to meet any of my current boyfriends because his feelings for me were too strong and it hurt him. I would still keep him in the picture though on the small chance that it wouldn't work with whoever I was with!
 androgynousvon
Joined: 7/5/2008
Msg: 70
Why am I jealous?
Posted: 7/14/2008 1:02:40 AM
I'm usually not one to think twice about a SO's friends, but something about this particular case strikes me as really off kilter. Don't know what the answer is. Maybe have a very calm discussion with her --- then give it a little time to see what happens.


ETA..oh..she is a pediatrician...ok..says a lot..one caring lady and good at knowing how to handle people in 'not good' situations..children and parents alike.
I think it's a pretty good sign that you are seeing one great and thoughtful woman to be honest.


At first, I assumed the author of the preceding post was kidding, but I think she's serious. With all due respect, she's living in LaLa land.
 rivereye
Joined: 2/19/2008
Msg: 71
Why am I jealous?
Posted: 7/17/2008 9:50:28 PM
OP,
You're a victim of MMPS-Mysteriously Missing Partner Syndrome. Ask to meet him AND his girlfriend.

And post us back what you think of her. See if she's willing to hang out alone with you for awhile. Nobody would mind, would they? HUH?
 GoneSailinBabe
Joined: 7/6/2008
Msg: 72
Why am I jealous?
Posted: 7/17/2008 9:57:24 PM
I'm not a jealous person at all. I respect friendships that are established prior to the dating relationship. They're healthy. However, I do think you have an issue here with your situation that maybe needs some communication and clarification. You acknowledge that they "had" an intimate relationship, but that she "refuses" to introduce you and "he loves her". Yow. That's not friends. That's ex's. Or easily FWB. Ok maybe her feelings are gone and focused on you, but IF that's so then why would she "refuse" to share you with her friend and vice versa...doesn't add up. And I suspect that the things that aren't jiving here are the reasons you are feeling niggly emotions resmebling concern and jealousy. I think those are warranted and legitimate.

Talk this out if the relationship means enough to you to save. Ask her to work on it with you. Not saying she make a choice over the two of you...but clearly some things aren't adding up and you're feeling uncertain.

I agree with you, this has warning signs sort of all over it. But, it could also be nothing. Talk it out.
 JohnnyC_78
Joined: 2/19/2008
Msg: 73
Why am I jealous?
Posted: 7/18/2008 1:24:54 AM
"The go to ballgames, dinner, drinks. I believe that is it."
I can't believe you need to be spoonfed this, she is dating 2 people you and him, cut her off and find someone that doesn't have another boyfriend, good luck with your new search.
 kev329
Joined: 5/27/2008
Msg: 74
Why am I jealous?
Posted: 7/18/2008 3:12:10 AM
Bud,
The main prob lies in her head I feel, not yours, Have been in this situation before with a lady, near did my head in over a period of about a year!,
Seemed she didn't like the guy for some of the things he did an was but still had attraction for him, chicks minds work in funny ways compared to our own, males an females wired differently,

I don't mind if girl that am dating is talking to ex in regards to things like kids etc but if they still going out an doin stuff together is a bit strange unless have been like seeing each other since childhood or something,

Best thing you can do is not give her an ultimatum, but let her know this makes you a little uncomfortable and not willing to put up with being treated this way,
If give the ultimatum between him an you will get her defences up an probably lose.

good luck!
Kev
 summerbaby2006
Joined: 8/6/2005
Msg: 75
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Why am I jealous?
Posted: 7/18/2008 7:47:29 PM
you have a right to be jealous if there was nothing going on between them then there should be no reason you guys cant meet for a drink even if it's just once. Maybe shes hiding something maybe the other guy doesn't know about you
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