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 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 6
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Unsolicited advice...how do you handle it?Page 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
I try to accept it politely and graciously. People usually mean well and don't realize that they usually aren't being that helpful. If I don't want advice, then I don't present them with problems that they'll feel compelled to want to solve. I thank them, change the subject, and move on.
 ForumFilly
Joined: 5/14/2008
Msg: 8
Unsolicited advice...how do you handle it?
Posted: 7/16/2008 4:55:56 PM
Poly, it is amazing that we managed to even get to our advanced ages knowing as little as we do, much less do so successfully. I think the younger men try to force their opinions on us to prove they are as mature, intelligent and worldly as we are. They don't want to be thought of as 'kids', but rather as 'MEN'. By pushing their views on us, all they are doing is emphasizing their insecurities and their lack of maturity.
 kornbluth
Joined: 12/25/2006
Msg: 18
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Unsolicited advice...how do you handle it?
Posted: 7/17/2008 2:53:45 AM

I think when people offer advice like the OP mentions, it's because they want to be valuable to us.

Funny Girl is right. That's what I thought I was doing, long ago when I was young and dumb. But at "our" age I find that what most people "think" has never done me much good, and that it's too late to say what I think.

There was famous newspaper-advice columnist who was highly esteemed as an authority on marriage. She oughtta be; she was married 4 or 5 times and had lots of money. She also had 3 or 4 divorces. And at the other extreme, I guess we still have marriage counselers who are celibate priests. So there's always plenty "advice" to pick from. I try not to add to the noise. However, sometimes I do have to tell some other old farts "Look, if you want to do this-that-the other, you nust get on the Internet."
 MacKevinized
Joined: 2/15/2006
Msg: 19
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Unsolicited advice...how do you handle it?
Posted: 7/17/2008 4:27:12 AM

UM....once again I forgot those ever important words, "at OUR age". I tried to delete the post to try again, but was unsuccessful, so please, just understand that I meant to add those words to the subject, eg. "unsolicited advice at our age..."


This statement could have been said just as easily from a teenager as most of them hate getting advise too, A teen with enough smarts to recognize they just made an error but then needs to justify that error as OK.

So, if you want my advise on not wanting advise, I suggest you just cut them off at the knees (metaphorically).
Your never going to change someone with a penchant for playing dear Abby, but you can change yourself. You see, asking for advise (like this thread) draws the advise givers (like me) to thinking you NEED advise and this giving and taking of advise becomes a form of foreplay. When you cut them off from being able to give advise you're telling them they're not getting laid.

My experience has been people that seek to much advise are not really seeking advise but looking for a way to discredit the advise given based on some inner feelings of superiority. By having me give advise and then inevitably fail, they have someone other than themselves to blame.

That's one of the reasons I give really stupid advise, then I can just grin when someone actually takes it and acts on it. When they come back to blame and admonish me for the bad advise, I can just say "I knew it was stupid when I gave it you, it was your choice to follow a stupid idea."

Don't go off thinking I'm against giving advise as I might suggest you see a doctor or get a lawyer when you need but mostly the advise I tend to implore has the theme 'think for yourself'.
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 20
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Unsolicited advice...how do you handle it?
Posted: 7/17/2008 5:17:30 AM
I believe that for most people, communication is a two way street. People of all ages offer unsolicited advice and watch for a reaction from the object of their conversation. While they certainly go into a conversation believing that they know what they are talking about, they may or may not leave the conversation with the same feelings. If you respond with your own perspective, some of them will learn from you, most will at least appreciate in some small way that their perspective may not be entirely complete, and a few will not relate at all to what you say.

I think of unsolicited advice as the offer of a theory based on personal experience. I usually listen, then respond with my view. I got a lot of unsolicited advice from my own teenage children at one point, and after a while they began telling me that they appreciated my own perspective on things.

Why should things change with older kids? Forty-something people I think are the worst for thinking they have it all figured out. I know that I was horrible at that age, having been more or less successful in everything in my life at the time. Now I just look at it as another phase of growing up.
 Sapphireeyes
Joined: 1/13/2008
Msg: 23
Unsolicited advice...how do you handle it?
Posted: 7/17/2008 8:54:29 AM
Oh wow I seem to differ from most of yall. I dont think age has anything to do with intelligence or that cause I am older that someone younger might not be able to prompt me in a good direction. I value my friends, I have several from 21 up who will say things that makes me go...dang they are right glad I listened to them. Mostly on perception issues vs stupid things like pay your bills on the due date to avoid late charges ..DOH!

I have found listening to people you like can expand your horizons, they also come to me and ask me my advice on things so I would say it is cause there is mutual respect...that is why we are friends.

Now if it is some guy younger than me trying to score brownie points over something then I see that as a guy just trying to make conversation ...if he gets upset that I dont agree with him I see that as a guy who doesnt like when someone has their own set of standards and suggest that we arent a good match.

I guess I would say if more than one person is offering you advice on something maybe they have a different perception than you about it and feel that they are seeing something that you didnt...just being helpful.
 GeneralizingNow
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 27
Unsolicited advice...how do you handle it?
Posted: 7/17/2008 10:49:02 AM
I will sometimes pipe in with what I think my friends should do. When I see my friend falling for YET ANOTHER alkie loser, I say something. If you are getting people "always" telling you what to do, maybe from outside your inner world, people are seeing some MONUMENTAL mistakes you are making that you are just not aware of--if it's a recurring suggestion, you might want to take a good, long, hard look at yourself/your actions. It's nice to have support, but true friends will tell you what you DON'T necessarily want to hear. If it's just one guy who thinks he knows it all, just answer, "Whatever you say, *you're* the man." Then raise one eyebrow and wait for his answer.
 SueCat51
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 30
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Unsolicited advice...how do you handle it?
Posted: 7/17/2008 6:15:08 PM
I fold my ears over my chin; roll my eyes (first - clockwise - then counter clockwise); fold my arms; and say "are you done yet"? Oh, and I pray to god that my tongue doesn't get pointy, that I say something I regret, and stick my size 8 foot in my mouth.
 windloverr
Joined: 2/29/2008
Msg: 32
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Unsolicited advice...how do you handle it?
Posted: 7/23/2008 3:03:36 PM
Hey...I've got an opinion, and you're welcome to it

Another vote for chocolatebrowne's grandfather being a wise man.
 mysteriosa
Joined: 5/19/2006
Msg: 33
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Unsolicited advice...how do you handle it?
Posted: 1/31/2010 6:53:19 PM
I don't often meet men who do this kind of thing now, so I wonder why you are ending up in contact with so many.

If someone does feel the need to give me unsolicited advice, I usually listen and then ignore it. I let them have their say, if it's just brief. If it's something I already know, I point that out nicely.

I don't feel that everyone would benefit from my advice. I put my thoughts and ideas forward in the forums because I know they'll be different and people will take what they want from it. In general, though, I don't feel people would benefit from my advice as they always seem to decide things so much faster than me and I'm usually way behind them in coming to a conclusion. It does often differ but as they've decided they are not going to change their minds.

Whilst I don't get many people giving unsolicited advice (mainly because I don't encourage them to give it in any way), I do get people telling me things I already know. I have an arts background, yet married a mathematician and have also worked with scientists in different disciplines for many years. There are few areas that I don't have some knowledge about. I don't inflict it on others but I do get fed up when people assume I know nothing and tell me things that are not only obvious to me but which I have gone into in greater depth. It's just boring and I tend to avoid such people if they persist in being patronising.
 raxarsr
Joined: 7/10/2008
Msg: 35
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Unsolicited advice...how do you handle it?
Posted: 1/31/2010 9:13:07 PM
2 rules.......never give advice to a woman older than you unless asked

never give advice to a woman wearing berkenstocks
 FL CO
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 37
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Unsolicited advice...how do you handle it?
Posted: 2/1/2010 8:45:24 AM
Its really rather simple. Listen to what they have to say, because they may have a viewpoint that you haven't thought of before. Make your decision and go with whatever option you think is best. Does it really hurt you to take out 30 seconds of your life to listen to someone else's opinion on the matter? Also age doesn't always mean wisdom. People grow up being exposed to different things and having difference life experiences. No one experiences everything regardless of age. So instead of being biased from the advice from younger guys, you should just hear what they have to say. It doesn't mean that you have to follow their advice. Of course coming from a younger guy, you'll probably just ignor this post.
 junoboat
Joined: 5/5/2009
Msg: 40
Unsolicited advice...how do you handle it?
Posted: 2/3/2010 12:02:42 PM
If it is a friend whose intentions aree good, I listen and say /Thank You tthats very interesting (or intriguing or novel) and change the subject. If it is not afriend and I really do not care to hear what they have to say, I simply say I really do not want to talk about this. If they pursue it, off I go !

But I enjoy a good discussion, so if it is unsolicitiedadvice and I know they do not have all the facts, I listen to what they have to say and then ask them what is the basis for the thought. Sometimes it requires a pointed question or two to show that they do not know diddle about the issue, and that usually ends it. For those who persist, a simple question like Why do you give unsolicited advice about a topic on which you do not know the facts? And why would you think that advice would be appreciated if they know you do not know the facts?

I do not consider it a waste of time in the latter scenarios, just good entertainment!
 nipoleon
Joined: 12/27/2005
Msg: 43
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Unsolicited advice...how do you handle it?
Posted: 2/16/2010 3:03:30 AM
Never give good advice....
The wise don't need it,
and fools wont take it.
 forumrun4
Joined: 3/5/2011
Msg: 48
Unsolicited advice...how do you handle it?
Posted: 5/7/2011 3:25:03 AM
Usually i try not to disagree...i end up leaving the store with that purple and green polkadot dress. Hopefully my date will understand i have no mind of my own. As long as my butt still looks good in it...who cares...am i right..um am i?
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 56
Unsolicited advice...how do you handle it?
Posted: 7/1/2011 9:55:03 AM
plursty ~~ I think the addition was an attempt to keep the thread from being deleted. . . .

Since the truth of it is, when youngsters give advice (almost 100% of the time), my response could be (nearly 100% of the time) Binderdundat, it's just *easier* to smile and pat their heads. But I admit it was great fun to be in my thirties and have my pre-teens advise me on life courses. . . .

 SunnyBlueSkies23
Joined: 5/16/2011
Msg: 57
Unsolicited advice...how do you handle it?
Posted: 9/18/2011 5:43:17 PM
I agree with Paumanok.........it doesn't hurt at all to listen. You just MIGHT gain something worth while from it! Sometimes,though,it does get to be a little tedious.......you're thinking,"Believe it or not,I actually KNOW what I'm doing!!" while somebody who's upteen years younger is handing out free advice. Then,I do what my Mom told me.......listen,then put it on a scale. Then, ask yourself THE question....how important is the person handing out advice to you? If they mean a lot,try to do what they suggest....if not,let it slide like water off a duck's back. Good advice!!! Thanks,Mom!
 joemac356
Joined: 9/22/2009
Msg: 61
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Unsolicited advice...how do you handle it?
Posted: 9/26/2011 8:03:57 AM
Here's some unsolicited advice to some:
Learn the difference between advice and advise. One is a verb, the other is a noun.
They are not interchangeable.

I received some unsolicited and unwanted advice from a woman last week.
Out of the blue, she messaged me, claiming that I would have absolutely no success on here because my hair was too long and I should shave off the 'stache. She also said I should add, "some brown to the hair".
When I responded that she should keep her preferences to herself, she came back with the claim that I would always be lonely as long as I didn't heed her advice. She'd shown my profile to two of her female friends and they both agreed with her, so she must be right, and that I would find it out, eventually.

It would have been quite different if we'd exchanged messages before, but she just projected her preferences onto me, assuming I was having zero success because my appearance didn't suit her.

Some people...

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