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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?      Home login  
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 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 226
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?Page 10 of 20    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20)
It’s about compatibility and shared values. You’re either on the same page or you’re not.

I take issue with people who blame feminism. While you’re swooning over those old movies, be sure and check out how working women were treated by male bosses…no thanks. Selling yourself into marriage or face poverty sounds real freakin romantic.
 TryAgan
Joined: 4/4/2008
Msg: 227
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Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/16/2011 3:32:11 PM
msg 226

Cupid is dead, deceased, no more, an antiquity, gone.

Okay, I can accept that Cupid is dead but can we collect on the insurance policy? I mean after all, isn't this misrepresentation i.e. dying without leaving us anything i.e. romance / courtship / happily ever after?


Must be a local phenomena.
This summer. there are many cupids running in tiny speedos around Toronto beaches.
 Dave of Indiana
Joined: 3/18/2009
Msg: 228
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Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/16/2011 9:11:29 PM
Probably a lot of reasons but it would seem women bragging about their "independence" and the open availability of sex.

Women brag about not needing men and sex is so easily given.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 229
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Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/17/2011 6:32:32 AM
yeah, dave, but what you are describing, is the all-too-common habit SOME people have, of blaming EVERYONE for the whining of a few SPECIFIC people. If SOME women do as you say, and the guy responds by blaming ALL women, then its the GUY who has problems with his willingness to open his eyes, ears, and mind, to reality.
 leetabeens
Joined: 9/7/2004
Msg: 230
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Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/17/2011 6:46:04 AM
Ive been single for quite sometime now. Finding romance hasn't worked for me. I'm finding as you get older that the majority of men are married or looking for a slim woman. So its still about the physical, sex and the look rather then the heart and who we really are inside. Whether we treat people well and try to make a difference everyday in our lives and those around us just doesn't count. Im hoping I will find the exception someday and be able to share the magic with someone who is on the same wave length.
 Dave of Indiana
Joined: 3/18/2009
Msg: 231
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Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/17/2011 7:07:16 AM
40 years ago people had interest in sex but not like today. In our "enlightened and open" society this one topic dominates and, especially, younger men want to play out what their hormones are pushing them for. Women want to "feel their oats" of independence. Together the opposite gender is put off. Do men shun independent women? NO, but many of these types of women brag "I don't need a man" so men stay away or worse just use them for sex.
 Dave of Indiana
Joined: 3/18/2009
Msg: 232
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Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/17/2011 1:42:33 PM

yeah, dave, but what you are describing, is the all-too-common habit SOME people have, of blaming EVERYONE for the whining of a few SPECIFIC people. If SOME women do as you say, and the guy responds by blaming ALL women, then its the GUY who has problems with his willingness to open his eyes, ears, and mind, to reality.


We are the instant gradification generation. We have no patience to wait for much today. As much as men hate to hear this if a woman gives sex to soon men loose interest. This has ZERO to do with blaming or whining. Some men have gotten use to easy sex and now many expect it almost from the first date.

On top of this there are women who flaunt their independence. In months past there were posts by women here who (for lack of a better word) flaunt this. Women saying "you men need what we've got but we don't really need you for anything anymore". Uncontrolled hormones and pride drive a nice wedge between men and women causing us to have little trust. To you this may be whining but it is also reality.
 secretmedows123
Joined: 6/23/2011
Msg: 233
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/19/2011 4:40:00 PM
Hi
I am 49 and yes life these days has become overwhelmingly fast paste and it seems like people want to run to 3d base on the 1st date and not take the time to get to know eachother properly. Yeah I know that this is not Mayberry or even Gone With The Wind erra but a little respect from a member of the opposite gender and some manners would be nice.
 female wonderer
Joined: 12/18/2009
Msg: 234
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/19/2011 6:29:58 PM
It's also disheartening when the man is more interested in your sexual prowess in a first conversation rather than getting to know who you are.
 mateo45
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 235
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Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/20/2011 7:29:29 PM
Can't I still have romance and courting even while I believe and live my life as if I am equal? One does not negate the other.

Depends on how you define "equal", and to be equal, first you have to be "free", right? So how can you be "free" if either of you is stuck in some sort of pre-programmed "role" (re: gender and expectations how men & women are "supposed" to behave)?

Actually, I think Romance & Courtship are cool, and to find someone else that shares your tastes is always great. But I doubt the traditional "rituals" (and the assumed "roles"), have much to do with "equality"... or else they wouldn't be "traditional"!
 Dave of Indiana
Joined: 3/18/2009
Msg: 236
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Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/20/2011 8:41:32 PM

Ive been single for quite sometime now. Finding romance hasn't worked for me. I'm finding as you get older that the majority of men are married or looking for a slim woman. So its still about the physical, sex and the look rather then the heart and who we really are inside.


Both men and women have stated on here that they want someone who they are attracted to in order to be a lover. Most men, at our age, can accept a few extra pounds and a few wrinkles: not a problem. It's when the few pounds becomes close to 100 that we loose interest. When will those that have ceased trying to keep their weight under some type of control realize this will not change no matter how much they try to shame and intimidate others?
 femaleandflirty
Joined: 7/16/2011
Msg: 237
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/20/2011 9:21:20 PM
From what I hear women give it up on the first date and invite the guys to their homes as well. So it takes two to tango. Often sex is seen as recreation and if you give it too easily it will be taken.
 femaleandflirty
Joined: 7/16/2011
Msg: 238
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/20/2011 9:24:55 PM
I agree that not all men want the super slim woman. Many like a rounded soft look I have found. I am well endowed and men seem to like that and they dont care about a few extra pounds elsewhere.

The media brainwashes us into thinking that we must want the super slim arm candy but a discerning mature person will not be influenced by that. Of course there is always the person who wants the trophy partner but often they are not all that as they say and sooner or later will have to come down to earth and compromise.
 kyblonde48
Joined: 8/26/2006
Msg: 239
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Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/31/2011 8:04:50 AM
This day & age romance/courtship is sooooo yesterday..There isnt any mystery anymore. Theyve made a sport out of intimacy..Theres no feelings involved..just the act for instant gratification..They dont care about disease or how many partners the person you are with had before they got you..Ive heard of women gettin pregnant from online one nite stands..These girls meet guys & go to there house without knowing who they are..I myself have done this & my mistake.. luckily he was a decent guy but still extremely dangerous..same applies to guys goin to womens homes..There are some really scary people these days..Things should go back to the simple way of dating but we know thats not going to happen
 tevans64
Joined: 3/6/2011
Msg: 240
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 8/1/2011 7:22:03 PM
very well said!! most of the guys i have met on here expect sex on the 1st date. it's not gonna happen with me, been burned a few times. i have learned so many life lessons meeting or just talking to guys from this site.
 sumrlve
Joined: 11/21/2010
Msg: 241
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Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 8/3/2011 8:15:11 PM
you know, I think of it that way too.. McDonald's says Have it your way.. or is that Burger King?? At any rate, it is the fast food mentality.. order and receive. What happened to dating??

I do have to add, though, that I am not so sure about the cats!
 SunnyBlueSkies23
Joined: 5/16/2011
Msg: 242
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 8/9/2011 6:56:17 PM
I agree whole-heartedly with Rossal.I have to say this is certainly a different world we live in today.........I'm 46 and already,in the past 2 decades, SO much has changed.Men used to open doors for women....a lot of the younger men don't.Pull out a woman's chair for her??......that's unHEARD of these days.How about....let's see....even something like helping a woman into her car if it's icy out.......to quote myWONDERFUL Italian back ground......FORGETABOUTIT! Now,I'm ALL for women's rights.......the right to work if we want to,the right to vote.....etc......but don't we deserve SOME special treatment,too?? I don't believe a woman should be barefoot-and-pregnant (unless SHE wants to be!) and I don't want to go back to neandrothal times,either,but,in this day and age it's rush,rush,rush.....we want it,and we wanted it....yesterday. I LOVE the old movies.......people met,held hands,cuddled a little,kissed some,,and....and this is big.....TOOK THE TIME TO GET TO KNOW EACHOTHER AND THEN FALL IN LOVE! No,maybe they didn't have all the answers,and maybe,,just maybe we have a better handle on some things nowadays. All I know is,what WOULDN'T I give to go back to the days of Annette & Frankie,or Debbie Renolds,or the wonderful actress Audrey Hepburn......you ask a lot of kids about these people now,they gaze at you like you just grew a second head! ( I should know....I TRIED IT! Let's just say......it went over like a LEAD balloon! ) I don't think chivalry is dead.......maybe on life support....gosh,I hope it doesn't have a D.N.R....wait,who do I talk to about this???!.......but,like I said in the beginning, alot HAS changed. Progress has indeed taken place.....but,will someone PLEASE tell me who said proress is ALWAYS good?? In my opinion,we've taken 2 GIANT steps forward......and 3 in the OTHER direction! :
 SunnyBlueSkies23
Joined: 5/16/2011
Msg: 243
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 8/9/2011 6:56:42 PM
I agree whole-heartedly with Rossal.I have to say this is certainly a different world we live in today.........I'm 46 and already,in the past 2 decades, SO much has changed.Men used to open doors for women....a lot of the younger men don't.Pull out a woman's chair for her??......that's unHEARD of these days.How about....let's see....even something like helping a woman into her car if it's icy out.......to quote myWONDERFUL Italian back ground......FORGETABOUTIT! Now,I'm ALL for women's rights.......the right to work if we want to,the right to vote.....etc......but don't we deserve SOME special treatment,too?? I don't believe a woman should be barefoot-and-pregnant (unless SHE wants to be!) and I don't want to go back to neandrothal times,either,but,in this day and age it's rush,rush,rush.....we want it,and we wanted it....yesterday. I LOVE the old movies.......people met,held hands,cuddled a little,kissed some,,and....and this is big.....TOOK THE TIME TO GET TO KNOW EACHOTHER AND THEN FALL IN LOVE! No,maybe they didn't have all the answers,and maybe,,just maybe we have a better handle on some things nowadays. All I know is,what WOULDN'T I give to go back to the days of Annette & Frankie,or Debbie Renolds,or the wonderful actress Audrey Hepburn......you ask a lot of kids about these people now,they gaze at you like you just grew a second head! ( I should know....I TRIED IT! Let's just say......it went over like a LEAD balloon! ) I don't think chivalry is dead.......maybe on life support....gosh,I hope it doesn't have a D.N.R....wait,who do I talk to about this???!.......but,like I said in the beginning, alot HAS changed. Progress has indeed taken place.....but,will someone PLEASE tell me who said proress is ALWAYS good?? In my opinion,we've taken 2 GIANT steps forward......and 3 in the OTHER direction! :
 CarpeOmnia
Joined: 1/18/2009
Msg: 244
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Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 8/9/2011 11:23:35 PM
I know I got very lucky in the romance/courtship department. It took a lot of meetin’ and greetin’ to find this person though. When I see how I am being treated daily by my Sweetheart…I look back and shake my head at the very little I received before and how I had been grateful for crumbs of romance.

This man wishes his Beautiful lady(me) a good morning by text every day…while I’m at work and my shift is ending. Lets me know every day how much he loves me…and likes me too(two different things). He always pulls out my chair to sit down. He opens the vehicle door, and any door, for me. He walks on the curb side of the sidewalk when we go for a walk. He makes sure I’m buckled up completely before he starts driving:)

He hid O’Henry chocolate bars in my “special” bedroom drawer…because he knew I loved them. Makes me Tequila Sunrises when he doesn’t drink Tequila…because I enjoy them. He had a messenger send a packet to my work as a surprise…with chocolates, and a card in it. Left flowers at my work place(one hour from his home) and a card with a key to his house in it, and went home without seeing me…for me to be surprised with when I got to work hours later. He took me on a tailgate picnic in winter on a beautiful day. He remembers each month on the 8th and tells me how happy is to have met me(this month he gave me a red, pink and white rose).

He offers to mow my lawn…fixed my deck…fixed my tub so the shower works again. He made the most beautiful Valentines’ Day card…with a wonderful letter in it. Built my little dog a ramp to get up on my bed. Ordered up an autographed picture of Annette Funicello(speaking of Annette & Frankie in the above post) and framed it…because that’s who I was named after. Helping my daughter strip and re-do an old piece of furniture. Has taken dance lessons with me(you know how men usually love this..lol). He cooks me fabulous jazzed-up meals…has offered to “cook to order” when I want to dump a few pounds(from his good cookin’ and those O' Henry bars). Made home-made chicken soup and brought it over to my house when I was sick. A weekend trip to Banff on my birthday(profile picture is from there). Writes me amazing love letters(that I have in a binder).
I could mention sexual stuff….but that’s for another forum section…I’m just talking strictly about how he treats me…and yes, the thoughfulness and romance is most definitely in the bedroom too.

I could continue to go on and on and on…but you get what I’m saying. I do romantic things for him too…but this post is all about him.
Many are the times that he will quietly hold my face, look deeply into my eyes…and tell me how much he adores me. His actions show this every day. This to me is romantic courtship.

I wish I could have hugged my younger self and told her that such men really do exist.
And I adore the one I found.
 ruby58504
Joined: 7/2/2011
Msg: 245
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 8/10/2011 10:41:03 AM
guess what if you don't put out nowdays you never here back from the person you went out with. Most men now days only want one thing, if they don't get it you never see them again. I still believe there is the old romance and relationship out there. The true gentleman who will open doors and help you with your coat. /But they are very few and far between. Especially when some say one thing and do another!!!!!
 TryAgan
Joined: 4/4/2008
Msg: 246
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Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 8/10/2011 11:53:50 AM

if you don't put out nowdays you never here back from the person you went out with. Most men now days only want one thing, if they don't get it you never see them again.

Not really. There are some men who just want to run away from their date - especially if she misrepresented herself.
 ronnie12398
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 247
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 8/10/2011 2:18:40 PM
I agree there are some on here that their main goal is too see how many they can bed. It is sad you know that they view women as nothing but the flavour of the day, It is sad for them because they could be missing a really great woman out there.
 WesternRose
Joined: 1/2/2011
Msg: 248
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Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 8/10/2011 7:39:17 PM
Ditto...Very sad state of affairs today. I'm not willing to settle for less. Since I am forever the optomist I believe that one of these days some man will realize that. My deceased husband did and we had a great life together. He courted me. Was man enough not to even bring up the subject of sex for an entire year until I was certain. Because I know that can happen I'll just wait. The recent experiences I have had on here encourage me to be patient on a daily basis.
 Perigee123
Joined: 7/14/2009
Msg: 249
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Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 8/10/2011 8:16:29 PM
Ok, I may as well weigh in on this whole thing, just because it's an intriguing subject with what appears to be a large amount of odd conclusions flailing around.

The Glory Days of Romance took place a very long time ago. Some might look to chivalry, a romantic concept until you realize that women were essentially chattle. They were property. They did what they were told, when they were told. If they didn't a little knocking around was not only in order, but obligatory to maintain face in the community.

So, we'll leave the middle ages behind.

We'll go back a little less far - to those halycon days of the 40's and 50's. When men opened doors and pulled out chairs and protected their chosen beloved. And she sat home and made the meals, cleaned and ironed the clothes, and herded the kids and attended the PTA and went to the Women's Auxillary, to make the food for the boys at the Elks Club Banquet.

It was a different time - it was a different social contract. And contracts are important.

I've always adored the fact that in 1964, Burt Bacharach penned a Grammy Winning tune called "Wives And Lovers" -

Hey, little girl,
Comb your hair, fix your make-up.
Soon he will open the door.
Don't think because
There's a ring on your finger,
You needn't try any more

For wives should always be lovers, too.
Run to his arms the moment he comes home to you.
I'm warning you.

Day after day,
There are girls at the office,
And men will always be men.
Don't send him off
With your hair still in curlers.
You may not see him again.


Burt didn't get vilified; he didn't get tarred and feathered. He won a Grammy. As astoundingly bizarre as it seems in retrospect, the song was the culture of the times.

We're a little different today. We went through the sexual revolution and feminism; I suspect there is no one here - especially of the female gender - who would even begin to suggest that the changes that have been made in our culture because of these things were not vast improvements.

But that called for a new social contract.

Social equality is a wonderful thing. But, like all of life, equality is a series of compromises. As a consequence of equality, the elevation of women as paragons disappeared. Like Adam and Eve, self determination drove women from their protected status into an uncaring world to fend as equals.

I grew up in the seventies with the understanding that I don't demean, talk down to, sexually harass, or patronize independent, strong, capable women. I treat them as equals. And I expect them to treat me as an equal. I don't expect a modern woman to "Love, Honor and Obey" me; and I don't expect them to expect me to.

Women are partners, not objects to be won. And, frankly, I'm not fond of the idea of an equal demanding preferential treatment from me.
 Brian091960
Joined: 8/5/2011
Msg: 250
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 8/11/2011 3:21:29 PM
I rarely see the romantic side of life anymore and especially when it comes to online dating. I look like a dork so I don't get much activity but in the years I've been trying the online dating I've seen that it's all about hurrying up and getting along with the program for the most part. The instant chemistry, yikes, that's more like lust when it happens. Yeah it can happen but I find it rarely does and most I feel don't give things a chance when it's not there instantly.

As far as romance like in the old days... Well the movies are what they are, movies. The old Bogie and Bacall films, that just doesn't happen. It could if people slowed down enough to let it happen. The courting... Dinner one night, a movie another night, bowling another. And at the end of those 3 hour nights a little banter after. It's the chat and banter and flirting in between that leads to desire usually.

My best relationships though few and far between since I divorced some 12 years ago usually are initially friendships and knowing that what lies ahead could be much more. When things are rushed it's simply no good. Let it all play out and good good good, and great too!!!
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